Big Hair Romp (1974) Review

Big Hair Romp (1974) DVD-R Cover

Today we venture back to 1974 and we get a video that was distributed by “Something Weird”. This is a 1970s film that is very much looking like an amateur production. It has film grain, but it very much something that is not part of the professional landscape of adult films. This is as close to a gonzo porno movie as you’re going to get from the 1970s, at least from what I’ve seen thus far. This is a movie that enters a swinger’s world up front. You get natural beauties, normal looking dudes, and set pieces that look like your grandma’s house. This whole picture screams 1970s porno, and while it may or may not be part of the golden age, you’re going to see glimpses of “Boogie Nights” in the way that this is and overall shot. It’s amateur at times, it’s odd at times, and the symphony music really pulls you away from what is going on.

The only information about the performers that I can get here is that there’s some porn actors and some that aren’t listed or credited. Andy Bellamy, George Peters, John Keith, and Starlyn Simone are the main actors. I don’t know who is who, as they all start to look the same.

The story opens up with an orgy on the ouch. A couple of guys and 4 women are sitting around drinking when they start to kiss and caress. This leads three of the people to go to the bedroom. Then a couple is left on the couch and they get hot and heavy. They kiss and caress, and eventually the lady starts to give the gentleman a blow job. The symphony music is distracting, and there’s nothing shaved here. It’s an interesting scene, but it cuts to the bedroom before sex.

In the bedroom, one lucky dude is having sex with two young ladies. Both are brunette, natural, and he is just enjoying it. He’s getting a blow job while kissing another woman, and just when you think they are going to start getting into the action, the editor jolts you back to the couch.

Back at the couch an older man is getting head from a woman. The couch is distracting, but the music turns into a disco, rock tune, that is hard to ignore. The older dude is not getting hard, and it shows. He eventually gets it up, and the two start to shimmy on one another. This is a very basic, kind of mild scene. There’s a smooth jazz interlude when they start going at it, and the camera closes in on a lot of hair at one point, then you realize that you’re taken to the bedroom again!

This editing is jarring, and there’s so much hair. I kid you not, so much hair, and it’s just hard to watch. It’s a weird look, but hey, it is what the 1970s brought us, this is as pure and sexual as you’re going to find in a sex movie. So for that, the directors have triumphed. There’s a switch of scenery again, and you’re sent back to the couch.

This time on the couch you see penetration, and what appears to be a “stunt cock”, because there’s no way our older gentleman is getting this good, but hey, maybe he is? It’s a sideways view of the ongoing sex, and the woman is silent for it. It’s not sexy at all, and while she smiles at time, you don’t hear her or the movement, it’s kind of odd. A piano tune plays, and then the director sends you back to the bedroom.

This back and forth stuff is ridiculous if you ask me. It really takes away from the enjoyment of the movie. But perhaps this is something that is done because this was shown in theaters? I don’t know. Back to the bedroom the guy is still getting blown, and there’s still a lot of hair everywhere. Just when you think there’s going to be sex, the director cuts to the couch again! Come on man!

The couch shows a reverse cowgirl sequence, with our main couple, and the dude cums on his partners leg, and that’s the end of that. He goes limp, and you are treated to a science fiction melody after. This scene is not sexy, and it ends up getting kind of gross.

But then, you get thrown back into the bedroom, with 1970s wood paneling and someone sitting on the dudes face while he gets blown. This is a standard threesome at times, but with better music. If you like classical you’ll love the soundtrack on this one. Someone finally gets on for a ride and the squeaking of the bed frame is hilarious to listen to, as the sounds turn into just sex sounds. But right when our main man is going forward, the camera switches back to the couch.

On the couch, our two main people are just laying around and that’s it. The camera changes back to the bedroom though.

In the bedroom our threesome is kind of bland, but we have a piano tune to accompany the sex. There are a couple of positions, and you get to hear the women moan, but the dude is so hairy and the director’s direction is talked about overall. He pulls out to finish, and it gets all over the comforter, and then you hear the music come up over the sounds. The women laugh and this scene finishes, or does it? The women hang out with the dude, and he gets up for a second round, this time with the second partner riding him for the double finish. He once again pulls out and finishes, and the camera zooms in on the veins and cum that drips out. The jazz tune is so good it’s hard to remember that you’re watching a porno at this point.

A photographer shows up and he gets in bed with one of the ladies, and there you go. Another scene, and he is supposed to be gay. He says, “I’ve never been blown by a girl before”, and well this is a first, apparently, and it seems so natural. This is just a blow job scene with some hilarious music that is kind of like polka, reggae, and jazz all mixed into one. I was dying, and of course the dude cums in our lady’s face, and that’s the end. It’s just a blow job scene. Nothing really compelling here at all.

The movie gets everyone back to the couch and it ends with the men giving oral to the women while they moan.

I give “Big Hair Romp” a 2 out of 5.

This is a historical type of porno. There’s no story, it’s just straight sex, with music. It’s really a highlight of the “free love” movement. It wasn’t that great overall. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either. The editing sucked, but the film grain was interesting overall. I could see how swinger clubs work, as I’ve been in one and this could very well be how it was in the 1970s suburban sex world. As a movie though, this is not grand.

You can find “Big Hair Romp” in a double feature pack through Something Weird Video. I don’t want to see this one ever again, but hey, there are some historians that may want to see this. Why not?

Did you see "Big Hair Romp"? If so, comment below and let me know about what you think.

Blue Matrix (2001) Review

Blue Matrix (2001) Cover 

For today’s review I’m doing something somewhat special. I’m going back to 2001 and looking at “Blue Matrix”. This is an award-winning movie from Adam and Eve Studios. I remember seeing trailers for this during my rentals of the Spice Network. This is a production that has a little bit more production value than most other movies. There’s a film grain on it from the start, and a cast of all-stars from the porn world. The opening shows you how much was invested in this, with interesting blue lighting, and a set piece showing shadows and more. This is an award-winning production, and if you’re a fan of watching adult movies that are revered by the industry, then this is going to be a good one for you to check out. I for one caught it on DVD because I’m a fan of Jill Kelly, and for some reason she still turns me on. I’d love to meet and interview her, but until then, I’ll have to review the movies she’s in for this site. The movie starts with a great deal of credits rolling, and some minor editing that shows you what’s going to be seen through the movie. This is not a gonzo porno production, mind you. The director of this film, is Nick Orleans, which I’m not familiar with right now, but I’m going to see more of his work after this one.

The movie opens up with Salina del Ray walking into a mansion. She then starts to pleasure herself. This is a blonde haired, enhanced woman with a tattoo on her arm. This is supposed to be sensual, and while it kind of is, it’s also a bit forced, and when you see this movie, you’ll know what I mean. She has a modelesque look, and pleasures herself on a red couch until her male partner shows up. Billy Glide shows up and he is absolutely ripped, and he starts to have sex with del Ray. You don’t see Glide putting on a condom, but he has one, and he goes to town here. It’s a very mechanical scene to start, and while it gets a little better over time, it’s very much sterile at times. The music is a jazzy number, and it’s not too bad, but it’s far from sexy for me, as Glide seems to be too concerned with mechanics than chemistry. There’s only a couple of positions here, but towards the 17 minute mark, Billy Glide really goes to town and eventually cums on del Ray’s breasts. She moans and screams at one point, but the scene ends quickly. After Billy Glide cums del Ray literally disappears. Leaving Glide alone and wondering where she went. If you’re a fan of Mighty Mighty Bosstones you may cue “Where’d You Go” about here.

The movie then transitions into what appears to be a backstage studio, where science and government meet. But that’s short lived after Glide calls in to ask a few questions. The agents then look at an experimental sex scene, with a set change, and it’s Ginger Paige and Jack Hammer. Jack Hammer has a sleeve on his arms, and I’m not sure why. Paige has skin tone stockings, meanwhile two agents watch the couple having sex.

Ginger Paige and Jack Hammer begin with fingering, and it’s not half bad. But it’s obviously forced, as you’ll find that Paige’s performance is somewhat directed. You’ll know it when you see it. Over the course of the scene, you get through some sex, with a blow job, then covered sex, and a little more passion through the second half of the scene. Not a sexy scene if you ask me, but the music isn’t half bad, and while this is functional, the set is interesting, and the idea of a top-secret government project is also interesting to me. There’s a “mechanical” and “business” focus here. Jack Hammer goes slow for a lot of it, and he really just tries to keep pace while Paige stimulates her clitoris during penetration. The two don’t seem to have much chemistry, but this is a functional scene that pushes the storyline a bit. As the agents watch on, Jack Hammer eventually starts to really pump and then cums on Paige’s stomach.

The next scene is transitioned with the stars in the sky, then a dancing girl from the beginning of the movie. A woman shows up and seems to have discovered a new universe, or a “matrix” and that leads to a scene featuring Alexandra Silk and Ian Daniels. This is very much like the movie “The Matrix” in how the motif is. While the two performers have mechanical, robotic sex, Jill Kelly shows up. Jill Kelly watches and masturbates as the two performers have safe sex with condoms. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with this at all, but it should be noted for those that really care. Alexandra Silk gets anal in this scene, and Daniels never takes off his glasses, because he’s in the “Matrix”, and he’s not going to let his cool guy card drop. I know Alexandra Silk is a famous actress, but she’s not that great to me, at least not in this scene. The director keeps panning to a somewhat bored Jill Kelly masturbating, but it’s an overtly simple scene, with a great set. The set and the costumes are interesting, but the majority of the scene isn’t that grand. This is very much an “artsy” type of porno scene. It didn’t really entice me at all, but I’m sure it’s a visually interesting scene for those that aren’t used to it. If you’re used to gonzo porno scenes, then you’ll hate this. However, Ian Daniels does have a nice money shot on Silk’s butt, which was cool.

Don’t want to read the rest of the review? I don’t blame you, these things get long. You could always buy Jill Kelly scenes on DVD or you could stream it by clicking here. Heck, you can see a scene for free with 15 minutes of free minutes if you stream in HD.

Up next, a simple transition gets to another experimental scene, only this time there’s a lot more industrial, alternative music to boot. This scene features Tina Tyler, Evan Stone, and Herschel Savage in a threesome. However, this is not a sexual one, or at least not in the traditional sense. This is just a scene where the two guys get hand jobs and masturbate until they are finished. It’s an odd scene, honestly. Stone and Savage cum nearly at the same time onto Tina Tyler, wow. Synchronized finishing? This is a first. Evan Stone disappears, and leaves Savage and Tyler alone, going into the “matrix”!

Moving forward, you get a scene where I believe Vivian Valentine starts to explain the Matrix of sex. Meanwhile, a bunch of government agents, for lack of a better word watch and she eventually gets on a black leather couch and starts masturbating for them. They are all typing data, and she starts to please herself. Valentine is new to me, she has a natural, teacher look, with brown hair, and just enough pubic hair to be sexy, as she keeps her heels on and continues to move forward. Dave Hardman shows up and the two have sex on the couch. A condom is put on and she goes with reverse cowgirl, one of my favorite positions, in case anyone cares to know. This isn’t half bad. There’s anal at one point and Valentine screams at a few points, mostly she likes this, and Hardman actually seems to be a good actor, as he seems to really be enjoying this one. The two have some good chemistry overall, and it’s fascinating.

Up next, you’re going to find a good lesbian scene with Taylor St. Claire and Salina del Ray. These two go through the traditional elements of heterosexual directors filming lesbian porn. Lots of oral, a dildo here, and the set piece from the other scenes. It’s not a bad scene mind you, and the two seems to have a good overall chemistry to what is going on. A lot of moaning, a lot of close ups, and just women on women. Taylor St. Claire and Salina del Ray are opposite types of women, one is blonde and one is brunette, one is bigger and the other smaller, and just a hot scene. Not half bad, honestly. There are a few weird moments like slapping the clitoris, but that’s just something I don’t know a lot about I guess. Other than that, the two seem to be loving the stimulation here. You could probably learn a few things, mind you. There’s a “scissoring” element at one point, and that’s always funny to see since they featured it in “South Park”, and well, it’s here, so there ya go guys, a little irreverent note.

After the lesbian scene the movie transitions to our government agents having sex. They are European looking, model types. The guy is ripped, and the woman is sexy as hell, blonde, and blue eyes. The actors names are Chennin Blanc and Cheyne Collins. These two have some serious chemistry, and make up for the rest of the scenes. From the oral elements to the actual sex on a massage table, the two really go through a great deal of positions, amidst a jazzy soundtrack. The set is good, and the two really seem to enjoy the process of making this scene. It’s always nice to see real chemistry between two actors in porn. The condom comes on, and on comes the sex. There’s a few moments where it seems mechanical, but then things start to improve as you see the muscles condense, and orgasm number one show up. Another anal scene here, a quick transition, and this gets hotter for those that love seeing anal scenes.

The final scene shows off Jill Kelly in a nice costume, with a corset. She finds Alec Metro and the two actually have a great deal of chemistry. There’s a lot of moaning and a lot of saliva here. Evan Stone shows up too, and Jill Kelly takes both of them on in this scene that features a lot of oral, a lot of saliva, and Jill Kelly doing her best performance since I first saw her in “Car Wash Angels”. I haven’t seen that many scenes with her, mind you, but from what I’ve seen, I enjoy her work. Evan Stone and Alec Metro are given the best blow job that Jill Kelly could give, both at the same time, as she goes back and forth holding onto each one, which is grand, making this movie a real treat. Condom comes on, and Kelly goes into riding cowgirl to start. The film cuts at one point, and it looks as though Metro loses his erection, while Stone gets blown. The director keeps this in the film mind you, but he bounces back and then goes back to work. My favorite part of all of this is where Alec kisses Jill Kelly on the mouth, in a break of character into a more sensual moment. I love that stuff. The bouncy disco tune and the set pieces make this an interesting scene, and Jill Kelly seems to have a lot of fun while Metro goes to work with her. Stone gets blown throughout the majority of the scene. No DP here, just both guys finishing on Jill Kelly’s breasts. She has such lovely eyes and hair, I’m enthralled still. This is a good ending scene, if you’re a fan of Jill Kelly than that’s the sole reason to watch this.

I give “Blue Matrix” a 4 out of 5.

The ending sequence makes this movie. Jill Kelly is one of the most beautiful women to me, and this is definitely a showcase for her, in the end. The rest of the movie has some good moments, and while the story is convoluted, there’s a bit of money paid to the production and the director of photography works well here. I liked it a lot, especially that ending scene with Jill Kelly.

You can purchase Jill Kelly scenes on DVD or you could stream it by clicking here. Heck, you can see a scene for free with 15 minutes of free minutes if you stream in HD.

Did you see “Blue Matrix”? Then why not leave a comment? Let me know if you saw this one.

Nightmare on Porn Street (1988) Review

Nightmare On Porn Street (1988) Poster

You know about “Nightmare on Elm Street”, the classic horror franchise. But did you hear about “Nightmare on Porn Street” from 1988? No? Neither did I until I started to review movies on this site, and someone sent me a VHS copy of this masterpiece, or rather porno-piece. This is a porn movie that mixes story line, and presents you with a little schlock to go along with the sex. From the start, you can tell that this was meant to be shown on the big screen, with film grain, quality music, and overall production values that are higher quality than the average gonzo production today. The movie starts with a blonde haired woman meeting a former janitor that was killed in a fire. The movie is a porn, mind you, but there are call backs to the horror franchise at times, but the acting is obviously sub-par. If you like dialogue and story with your 1980s porno, then you’re going to appreciate what the production crew did with “Nightmare on Porn Street”.

The opening scene features Britt Morgan and Randy Spears. It’s a somewhat boring sex scene, that has some simple elements that you’d expect. It doesn’t at all have the charisma and chemistry of other porno movies, and it shows. Britt and Randy don’t have a lot of chemistry and they are just going through the motions. They have sex on a fire place, and he eventually cums on her back. There’s not a lot of moaning, and the music kind of throws me off. The set is good though, a darkened house of the serial killer.

Once the first sex scene is over, you get the cast in a class room and they are all bored. They just listen to the teacher and are falling asleep. When Brandy Wine falls asleep. She wakes up and Robert Bullock is there as the teacher and starts to massage her shoulders and neck, and you know exactly what is going to happen next, don’t you?

Brandy Wine and Robert Bullock have more chemistry than the opening sequence, and they start having sex on a student’s desk. This fulfills that teacher, student fetish for those that are out there and like that. Brandy Wine looks great, and is all natural, and Robert Bullock has some chops, with facial hair, and a good overall way of giving oral. There’s a good deal of moaning here, but at one point you see Bullock isn’t even hard, so he has to get himself there, forcing it, and throwing me off the scene. Wine keeps her heels on so that’s a bit sexy, but the scene itself is shorter than I’d liked, and the positions are generic. The saxophone music is good though, but the scene gets into a “mechanical” face fast, and Bullock has some great facial features. I was dying. Oh, and Wine is completely shaved, so that’s something. He eventually cums and you get a close up of Wine’s pubic region which has a little hair.

After the sex, out comes Randy Spears again as the villain. We also see that Wine is actually asleep at her desk!

Next up Mike Horner falls asleep at a friend’s house and when he wakes in dream world, Shanna McCullough is there with a teddy, heels, and a pearl necklace. Mike Horner looks familiar to me, and McCullough also looks somewhat familiar. Her 1980s hairstyle is hilarious to me looking back, but she has an all natural body, and long legs that really does point towards a good time. But when you see this movie, you’re going to find that Mike Horner looks a lot like an actor from “The Last Man On Earth”, and so you’ll be laughing at the premise. These two have the most chemistry together, and the sex is actually really good for the 1980s, and I was impressed. The music sounded like an Oingo Boingo remix, but the moans, the sweat and overall sex was great. I loved watching this one.

Post scene out comes Spears again and wakes Horner up in the real world! He freaks out and is comforted.

The movie continues with the same classroom and another conversation. The cast starts discussing trying to figure out what is going on, when Brandy Wine falls asleep. She is then greeted by Shanna McCullough in the dream world, and the two start having lesbian sex. This is an ok scene if you like lesbian porn, but the camera angles and the music make you kind of tired. The two don’t exhibit a lot of chemistry together and the scene is overly mechanical. It works, and the two women are pretty, but it’s kind of lackluster overall, and when it’s over, you’re glad it’s over. I’m a fan of lesbian scenes, but in this time around, it just wasn’t that great.

And now, we’re back to the classroom and we are greeted with the Freddy knockoff, Randy Spears greeting Britt Morgan again. The two do it again in the classroom this time, and this scene is just as bad as the first scene. With a few exceptions. Morgan seems to get wet here, like really wet, and Spears seems to do a little more work to make the scene bearable. Morgan’s moans sound so fake here, but the music saves the day for me. A rocking saxophone jazzy number that emulates the movements of the two performers. Britt Morgan reminds me of Stacy Valentine, with her bleached blonde hair. Spears does well for the most part but he seems to be losing his erection at one point and has to will himself hard again. I guess that’s normal for the late 1980s porn scene? The closing sex moments are good, as Spears goes into overdrive and Morgan starts to actually enjoy it a lot more. Spears gets really into it towards the end and does a lot of the work, and while Morgan’s moans are somewhat faked, they still present a good enough sound design for you to enjoy the scene. I wouldn’t say that I fell in love with Morgan, but towards the end, I kind of was fantasizing about meeting a blonde haired escort. So maybe that’s a job well done? Spears finishes on her back again, and the scene is over.

After the scene, Randy Spears is told that Morgan is in control now! Since it’s her dream, she calls the shots! Spears is made into a “one woman nightmare boogey man”, and that’s it! Morgan gets the last laugh and the credits roll! That’s it, the movie is done. They made a sequel to this, but I haven’t seen it yet.

I give “Nightmare On Porn Street” a 3 out of 5.

The premise works, and there are a few scenes that made me think about real sex, especially the Shanna McCullough scenes, as she reminds of someone, I just can’t put my finger on it. The rest of the movie was dumb, but there was enough classic parody to make me think this would’ve been a cool popcorn flick to see in porno theaters.

You can find “Nightmare on Porn Street” via a lot of outlets, and get the VHS version I saw from selected retailers.

If you are interested in other movies with similar titles, you can always check out Nightmare on Black Street, and Nightmare on Black Street. All of which are available by clicking here.

Did you see “Nightmare on Porn Street”? If so, drop me a comment below.

Sexbusters (1984) Review

Sexbusters (1984) Get It on DVD or Stream Here

Today we are going to back to 1984 and I’m going to review the parody porno called “Sexbusters”. This is a parody of the movie “The Ghost Busters” complete with a cool parody song up front. I loved the song, and it’s definitely worth checking out overall just for the opening song. The premise of the story is simple, whenever you want to have sex and you can’t get any, you call in the Sexbusters and you can get it on. It’s that simple. The opening starts with the parody song and a lot of sex, but it’s sped up and just funny to watch. I can definitely see how this movie was on the big screen, because it definitely has that film grain overall. Plus, there’s a lot of hair, so if you like that unshaven look, you’re going to like this opener, and movie overall. I wasn’t sure what to expect out of this movie, but I loved the poster, and had to check this one out. Obviously, it’s not as bad as the “Back To The Future” porno that I reviewed earlier this year, but hey, they all can’t be that bad, right? The movie stars Blake Palmer, Candi, Karen summer, Heather Wayne, Marc Wallace, Peter North, Sheri ST. Clair, and Steve Drake.

The opening of the movie shows off Candi, Karen Summer and Blake Palmer having sex in an old Toyota that has been turned into a “shagging wagon”, and it’s all sped up. It’s hilarious to hear the music here, which is that parody “Ghostbusters” theme, which borrows heavily from the original.

We get moving forward to the crux of the movie. A woman wants to have sex with her husband, but he’s not really into it. So she calls the Sexbusters and they come and have sex with her. The scene is just overall lesbian elements, with plugs, dildos, and more. It’s a short scene, and after the Sexbusters are done, they leave. Midway through this movie, however, Marc Wallice pulls down his pants and his balls are painted blue! I kid you not! After the Sexbusters leave, Wallice runs in and tells Sheri St. Clair to have sex with him, and that immediately moves to the next scene. This is a fast-paced production, so why not? Wallice doesn’t have a big penis, mind you, so that old trope is lost on me. If you have an average size, you could probably have worked in porno in the 1980s, and Marc Wallice is proof. Sorry dude, but that thing aint big, but hey, it works, it’s hairy, and St. Clair loves it, as she over sells every aspect of this scene. The music here is funny, I was laughing with the terrible music. St. Clair over sells everything, I kid you not, she’s moaning like she’s dying, and Wallice sweats all over her, and really puts in some work. St. Clair makes the scene, especially if you like moaning, as she really goes all out for this one.

Moving forward, you’re going to find that a man speaks to his priest. He talks about how he isn’t getting any, and the priest recommends that he call in the Sexbusters. Yes, the priest gives him advice to call!

The next scene features Steve Drake, Candi, and Karen Summer. Drake here is really into this one, and the girls actually have chemistry with one another. The music hilarious, and I was dying with the music choice of the parody song of the Ghostbusters theme. There is a point in the scene where Drake looks to just be in work mode, rather than enjoying it, but it may be because he didn’t want to cum too fast. Other than that, this is a typical threeway, with a lot of deep throating, a lot of work from Drake, and some terrible, funny music. Drake eventually finishes on one of the girl’s face. He then screams out that he’s a man!

If you're reading all of this and just want to get to the visuals, you can do so by clicking here and stream it or buy the DVD for like $5 or so, I think. The review continues below.

The Sexbusters then pick up their phone and it’s Peter North! That’s right, it’s Peter North and he says that his patient is going to commit suicide! The scene features Karen Summer blowing Peter North to entice the woman that wants to jump off a diving board into an empty pool. They then recommend that the woman take place of Karen Summer, and the scene moves forward. Heather Wayne takes over for Karen Summer and the two have sex. This is a young Peter North, mind you. This isn’t a bad film, but the lighting shifts and you can barely see what is going on. The music also shifts and it’s got a lot of keyboards and synth, with a terrible sound. Meanwhile, North and Wayne are sweating up a storm and it is one of those scenes where you forget that they are performing because they have good chemistry together. It’s always nice to see chemistry amongst performers, even if the scene isn’t too “sensual” in a way. No famous Peter North facial here, he just cums on Wayne’s pubic hair, and that’s it.

The movie ends with an orgy scene and all of the actors together. The whole cast has sex, and the camera moves from area to area in a large home where everyone is just going to town. This starts around the 43 minute more and finishes the whole scene. You get a lot of different action, with a lot of lesbian sequences, some overall straight sex, and clumsy music with a disco beat of sorts. St. Clair is moaning like crazy, and the other women seem to be enjoying themselves as well, but not nearly as entertaining as St. Clair here. There’s a lot of facials to go around, and eventually the movie completes itself with a Peter North special, if you know what I mean. That’s it. The film slows down for that last one, and it’s quite the sight to see, as the women seem to really enjoy the finale.

I give “Sexbusters” a 3 out of 5.

This is an entertaining romp, with a good amount of sex, but the theme song does it for me, and St. Clair’s over acting is fun to watch. The rest is ok, but it’s really that song that makes this a worthwhile flick for me.

You can purchase “Sexbusters” on DVD here, or even stream it scene for scene! Get it here.

Did you see “Sexbusters”? Did you like it? Leave me a comment below.

Beautiful Evil (1998) Review

Beautiful Evil (1998) Poster - source adultdvdempire dot com

Today we venture to 1998 where we get a starring role for Stephanie Swift. Stephanie Swift is one of my first crushes in porn, and used to even subscribe to her website for a spell. I’ve seen her in soft options with The Spice Network, but now? Here’s the hardcore option. I finally got my hands on “Beautiful Evil” from 1998. This is a movie that features some comedy, and of course some good overall sex, or does it? This movie stars, Toni James, Nick East, Stephanie Swift, Mickey G, Dee, Rob, Missy, and Billy Glide. The story is one of infidelity, and it starts with Stephanie Swift getting stuck in the valley, then spending the night at some friend’s house. Then we get into the sex.

The opening sex scene features Toni James and Nick East. Nick East has long hair, and that rocker Tom Byron look, while Toni James is a blonde-haired woman that has some good looking facial features. The jazzy rock music starts and the two get down on a black couch. This isn’t half bad of a scene, but the fidelity on the music is a bit much compared to the sounds of the actual sex, so it kind of throws you off. The levels are odd, but that’s ok. The setting is fine, the two seem to work fine together, but it’s definitely a “work mode” type of start with the classic blow job working towards sex, for about 11 minutes or so. It’s not a long scene, but it gets going fast, and stays put with that infidelity story line as the husband of the blonde watches the two go at it. Not a bad scene with the two having sex on a couch, and eventually Nick East cums and that’s it. Nothing to see here folks, just an ok sex scene with lousy music. The lounge music jazz with guitar riffs all over the map really distracted, but the sex was fine I guess, nothing too crazy.

The movie transitions to Mickey G. going back upstairs to where Stephanie Swift is and then having sex with her. This is a more passionate scene with the two having a little more chemistry than the opern. Mickey G is not a huge guy, mind you, and Stephanie Swift maintains that “girl next door” type of vibe. The two go through your traditional positions, and the music here is a bit less jazzy, more orchestral. It’s a faster scene than the previous, and Mickey G. cums on Stephanie Swift’s chest, and that’s it. She then sucks him off after and it’s not bad. The scene is ok, and Swift does fine, with Mickey, in this somewhat more romantic scene.

Next up, a delivery man shows up and for his trouble Stephanie Swift blows him at the front door of the house. This is a hilarious scene, and something that finally gets to that trope of the delivery guy getting sex. I’m still looking for the plumber sex movie, but for now, this works. Stephanie Swift blows Billy Glide while he holds a box, and he’s much bigger than Mickey G, if that matters. If you’re a fan of blow job scenes, then this is a good one for you. Stephanie Swift blows the delivery guy until he cums on her new apron and then she continues to suck it, and that’s the end. No sex here, just a blow job for the delivery guy.

Up next, an out of character sequence is spliced in with Dee and Rob. Two actors that I don’t know about thus far, but it’s not half bad. Dee is an ebony actress and Rob is a random white dude, and the two just go at it. This is a sort of gonzo scene, and the two may be amateurs for all I know. Rob has a lot of hair around his legs and pubic region, while D is more natural, and kept a little more. She’s attractive, mind you, and does well here with a standard blow job, then Rob goes to town with oral and rimming, before the two have sex on a desk. To me this seems like a “tryout” scene more than anything. The two have little chemistry, not a lot of kissing, and the music is a weird mix of techno and hip hop beats. This isn’t a terrible scene mind you, it just felt out of place. The two have sex in the office until Rob cums in Dee’s face and that’s it.

Next up, Missy finds Mickey G and talks about how he needs to have some fun, and immediately gets on her knees while they are in the kitchen and blows him. Missy is a blonde haired porn actress that you’d expect to be in late 1990s porno, and doesn’t stand out to me at first. However, she gives Mickey G one great blow job before the two start having sex. That’s perhaps how she got the gig? I don’t know. The clothes come off and the two go at it in the kitchen, in one position, in a very short scene that eventually has Mickey cumming on Missy’s back and that’s it. The music was turned down a lot on this one, and the two just kind of go through the motions, in a mechanical sex scene that really left a lot to be desired really. The music was way off here, so I don’t know what was going on with the editing and musical direction.

The longest scene in the movie features Stephanie Swift and Toni James with a strap on going to town on each other. This is a long winded scene and the two seem to work well together, but it seems a little boring. The reason being is that they don’t seem to have a lot of chemistry, no sweating, and they just seem to go through the motions, spouting out lines that make no sense either. I laughed at one point, it was that funny to me. This is a formulaic, boring lesbian scene, but it worked well enough.

After this the story moves forward to finish off the plot, and I was laughing yet again. This movie takes itself seriously at the end, and the music takes an alternative rock direction. The end scene is all o fthe people in the house enjoying a champagne toast, and that’s it. I kid you not, that’s where this movie went, and that’s it. Nothing big, nothing crazy, just an ending to the movie. At the end, a twist is revealed, in which we find that Stephanie Swift’s character was DEAD all along! Woa!

I give “Beautiful Evil” a 3 out of 5.

This wasn’t a terrible porno, but it wasn’t great either. Stephanie Swift had some nice scenes, and the rest of the cast did well enough. However, the movie was convoluted, had terrible music, and well mechanical sex for the most part. It’s not awful, but it’s not grand either. It’ll get you there though.

You can purchase “Beautiful Evil” from a variety of sources.

Did you see “Beautiful Evil”? Drop me a comment below if you have thoughts on this one.

Cheerleader Academy (1986) Review

Cheerleader Academy Poster (1986)

And away we go, another classic porno review for you 2 readers out there. This one stars Tom Byron, the kingpin of porn, as I’m going to call him. But it also has some familiar men and women throughout, including Peter North. The full credits has a funny focus with a cone in the middle of the grass, and music that is very much lackluster, but focused on the college band sound. There’s a little bit of keytar in there too, and you watch the full credits for the director and writer which is Marc Weiss on writing, and directed by none other than the hedgehog, Ron Jeremy. I kid you not. This is a Ron Jeremy directed movie. The movie is simple, cheerleaders are getting through their routine, and they are going to have sex, right? Yes! Of course, this is a porno! They are college cheerleaders, mind you. So you get a bunch of college students getting thrown into the mix of a dictator’s push. The movie stars Erica Boyer, Blondi, Tony Montana, Peter North, Candie Evans, Bunny Bleu, Scott Irish, Tom Byron, and Jennifer Noxt. I didn’t know what to expect from this movie, since I judged it by the cover, as I do with a lot of porno movies for this site. The movie looks to be one of those movies that was produced to be put on the big screen in a double feature, as it is filmed on video, but with less budget than some of the other movies that you may have seen from the era. This is definitely a low budget option, but hey, Ron Jeremy is directing so maybe it’s not so bad, right? Before the sex, you get some funny cheerleading elements, and it’s awful, but it’s also funny to watch. This is not a gonzo picture, that’s for sure. Today we look at “Cheerleader Academy” from 1986.

The movie moves forward to the first sex scene. It’s a lesbian scene that features Erica Boyer and Jennifer Noxt. These two seem to really get into their performance, rubbing, licking, and kissing all over. Jeremy’s direction is great here, and there’s a lot of elements that don’t make sense and others that do. Lots of good shots, great overall chemistry between the women, and a setting that looks to be an office. The only thing I can’t get behind is the fact that there’s terrible music involved. It’s like news reel music, then out of the blue the scene and music stops. This isn’t half bad, but it abruptly. It’s a short scene featuring an experienced woman and her younger student, but it’s not that grand. It has some moaning involved, but it’s somewhat boring, unless you’re really into lesbian scenes.

The next scene transitions to a disciplinary type hearing. Two cheerleaders aren’t doing great, so they need to work on their chemistry. That leads them to have sex, of course.

The scene features Tony Montana and Blondi. I’ve seen both of these performers in other movies so I know that they can throw down a good scene. Tony Montana here looks to be far more into Blondi than she is, and while they go at it, Tom Byron looks on. The music again throws me off, as it is smooth jazz elevator music. It’s terrible, but the sex is fine. Blondi keeps her shoes on, and the two go at it in multiple positions. It’s an adequate scene, although she stays quiet for a lot of the scene. It works as a sex scene, but it’s not that fun to watch, and it’s kind of “vanilla” when it comes to porn if you ask me. Tony does a lot of the work towards the end, and eventually finishes on Blondi’s face. Tony is wearing nothing but a yellow swatch watch, which is distracting here. My favorite part of this is Blondi sucking Montana off after he cums, which is always a great momentum boost.

The movie has a workout scenario for the next few minutes, showing off what the cheerleaders must do to train. This is non-sexual. A lot occurs here, and it’s not sexy at all, making me think that the movie was in fact something that played in movie theaters, otherwise, why waste time? The cheerleaders do not have underpants, and the director makes sure to show you that aspect, so maybe that’s something to consider here.

Back Cover of Cheerleader Academy (1986)

After the workout, Peter North and Candie Evans are sitting in front of a fire and the two have a romantic, love making session….or do they? Nope, it’s a lot of kissing and at one-point North puts honey on Candie and starts licking it up. The scene abruptly transitions to another room. That room has Scott Irish and Bunny Bleu doing stretching exercises. Bunny Bleu’s blow job technique is quite good, the blonde haired woman is quite lovely, and Scott Irish seems to really get into oral with her as the two go into the 69 position. The music is a jazzy improvisational number, so that’s interesting, and the two make a lot more noise than the other people in this movie thus far. Mind you, this is 45 minutes into the movie, and they seem to have the most chemistry between the performers. Reverse cowgirl here is pretty darn good, and the two really get into it at one point, but the scene switches back to Peter North and Candie Evans! Points off for that, as it is lazy editing if you ask me. This is where you get to see Candie Evans and Peter North get dirty on a towel, in front of a fireplace. North makes more noise than Evans, and while the two go through some positions, it appears that he’s in work mode and Evans is trying to enjoy it a little more. Midway through their movements, the scene cuts back to Bunny Bleu and Scott Irish and he cums on her pubic hair, then stick sit back in for another ride through. That immediately switches to Peter North and Candie Evans again. If you’re expecting a big Peter North money shot, then you know what’s going to happen, as the scene ends with a blow job and Peter North exploding all over Evans’ chest. The dirty blonde keeps jacking North and the two end this scene with a kiss.

The next scene is Jennifer Noxt and Tom Byron. Jennifer runs down Tom Byron and says he isn’t great and doesn’t want to team with him. Then she pulls down his pants and realizes that he’s hung, so she starts blowing him. The brunette goes to town with Tom Byron, and he’s looking a lot like a geek, unlike his other appearances in porn in the 90s, where he looks like a total rocker. Here he’s a nerd, and he’s lucky to be getting action from Noxt. Jennifer Noxt is a hot brunette here, all natural and reminds me of a lot of college women I went to school with. The two get to work in a very nice and romantic scene, with jazzy flute playing in the background. At one point Noxt rips her uniform which is left in the scene! Another blooper? Sure! Why not?! Jeremy’s direction is lazy here. Midway through this scene the editing goes to Bunny Bleu and Peter North having sex. The editing midway through the other scene goes to this scene! What the hell?! This is upsetting, but if you’re just looking for sex, then move forward with this I guess. Now, Bleu is blowing North and out of the blue the scene goes back to Byron! That’s right, Tom Byron goes back to having sex with Jennifer Noxt! Holy crap! The editing here is terrible, but the scene gets hotter. Noxt reminds me of an escort that works in Vegas for 100 Proof LV, so that kind of got me excited. Byron has some funny moments with Noxt, and she eventually starts to get into it, right about the time he goes all out and then finishes on her back. After this, the scene goes back to Bunny Bleu and Peter North! The two have better chemistry than in the scene, and while North is once again in work mode, Bleu seems to be enjoying it a lot more. The ending is of course a money shot, with Bleu blowing him to a finish and a nice ender. Bunny Bleu is quite good here, wow.

At this point in the movie there is no more story, you just get straight sex scenes, and lackluster elevator music. This is about one hour and 17 minutes into the movie, and it features Candie Evens and Scott Irish. This is not a terrible scene, and Candie is quite good with Irish. This goes through a blow job before the scene cuts to a threeway between Erica Boyer, Jennifer Noxt, and Tom Byron! The editing really caused me to be a bit upset, but hey, it’s a movie, so grab some popcorn right? I guess. Tom Byron is an allstar here as he stops being a nerd and just goes to town with Noxt and Boyer, just going for it here until he cums on their faces and they keep blowing him. This is a cool scene, and the electric guitar and techno music makes it far better. He finishes and it looks good, with the actors laughing and the screen fading to black before going to a sequence where he sits with Noxt and Boyer and the movie ends.

Not a terrible movie, but not a great one either. The VHS transfer I saw of this wasn’t half bad, but it lacked a lot of chemistry at points. Jennifer Noxt is the one woman that stood out to me, and I will be looking for more of her scenes. “Cheerleader Academy” wasn’t half bad. But it wasn’t that good either, it just kind of ended.

I give “Cheerleader Academy” a 2 out of 5.

This is not a great movie, but it had Tom Byron. Byron did well, North was ok, but some of the women weren’t great, and the editing with music wasn’t that good.

You can purchase “Cheerleader Academy” via various websites.

Did you see “Cheerleader Academy”? Leave me a comment below.

American Pie (1995) Review

"American Pie" 1995 Poster SRC adultdvdempire dot com

I had no idea that I would be reviewing the Paul Norman film, “American Pie” from 1995 today. It features Nikki Tyler’s first video, Jeanna Fine, Jenteal, Melissa Hill, Amber Woods, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Mark Davis, and Frank Towers. The movie starts with some guitar music, and an introduction to the cast, and it’s an interesting little movie title screen with Paul Norman getting the writing and direction credits here. In 1995, this would have played on Spice Network for sure. It screams mid-level production, and interesting San Fernando Valley interior elements. This has nothing to do with “American Pie” the movie featuring teenagers trying to get laid for prom. This is also not the same movie that Jenna Jameson was in, because that movie is called “Cherry Pie”, and I found an old VHS tape for that long ago. Instead, this is something that is altogether new for me. I know the stars of this film from other movies, but I didn’t realize this was Nikki Tyler’s first major role, so how does it play out? Is it worth watching? Let’s find out with this review of “American Pie” from 1995.

You start with that classic trope. A wife comes home looking for her husband, and can’t seem to find him. Where could he be? Jeanna Fine comes on screen and just starts looking for people, and see who was there. She asks for someone to get a car and then leaves. Meanwhile a maid and what I could only believe is the man of the house are hiding. Once Jeanna Fine leaves, Frank Towers and Amber Woods start making out.

Amber Woods is an interesting looking woman, blonde hair, tight body, but Frank Towers looks like a Televangelist, so it throws me off a little. Woods is a typical California looking porn model, and is quite lovely in the maid outfit. There’s no condom here, and Frank Towers makes some insane faces as the two have sex on a staircase near the basement of a house. Woods is not shaved, and she keeps her heels on. The two have somewhat basic sex before Woods gets off and starts to blow Towers for the finish. This wasn’t great, and the money shot was laughable. Woods rubs it on her face and lips, but doesn’t swallow at all. The two move the plot here, as they find out a will. Someone must’ve died or something, I’m not sure.

The next scene shows two women talking about what could have been given to the mistress.

Jenteal and Nikki Tyler go at it here, after talking about having sex with a 70 year old man, and how one misses the old dude. This is a good enough scene, especially if you like lesbian scenes. The two work well together, and there’s a lot of moaning here. If you’re a fan of lesbian sex, specifically watching women perform oral on each other, then this is for you. It seems genuine, and the two seem to really get off in this scene, which is always a good note. This scene sure beats the first scene, and the music is also quite good.

Moving forward, Jeanna Fine is seen in a bath robe and we get the crux of the movie. Fine is a wife that has lost her husband, and is concerned that she’s not going to get a lot of money. She’s saddened, as Mark Davis and Tom Byron standby listening to her complain. Tom Byron here has his long hair, and it’s interesting that his look is so different from the past.

Jeanna Fine asks for the butlers to start massaging her, and they eventually start taking off their clothes, because you know, this is a porno after all. Jeanna Fine was one of my first ever porn crushes, and seeing here really got me thinking about the past and present. If you’re a fan of Jeanna Fine, then you’re going to love this scene as the Byron and Davis give her a full ride of pleasure. Fine seems to enjoy herself here, as she does both guys, gets rimmed, and orally pleased throughout. There was no music for a good part of this scene, then out of the blue, there’s a country rock alternative tune in play as the two dudes really start to work on Fine. It’s a standard threeway for the most part, and then with a quick transition, it turns into a DP, and that’s really the interesting part about this one. Jeanna Fine doing a DP, and wow, she seems to love it. Byron comes first and then just lets it all out on her back. But there is a point where Fine looks to be in pain, but that ends, and Byron leaves the scene. I can’t confirm this, but there appears to be a stunt dick at the end, which is quite funny overall. Jeanna Fine swallows, but then kisses Mark Davis on the mouth, so maybe it wasn’t a stunt dick? I don’t know.

Jeanna Fine is in the office of Marc Wallice and wants to know how she can save her money. This is the best acting job for Fine, and Wallice is just there pretending to be a lawyer. This is a good overall conversation, and it’s not half bad. Fine does a good job here, and she eventually walks away, only to have Melissa Hill show up. Melissa Hill shows up in a red dress and pumps, and Wallice and Hill start to make out.

Melissa Hill and Marc Wallice have sex in his office and it appears that he is the only guy in this film that has a condom. Now, the condom is extra thin and really doesn’t show up, until you get a close up. It stays on perfectly with Melissa Hill, and she’s not shaven. He looks a lot like an adult romance novel cover model. Hill’s red hair and unique facial features make her a nice girl to watch, and I have reviewed some other of her movies. This wasn’t half bad, without a lot of music coming through for the most part, until towards the end. There’s some blues heavy guitar work, and the two just go at it standing for the most part. It’s always odd to me when the music sounds a lot better than the sex, and that’s what happened here. I was more interested in the soundtrack by the time the condom came off and Melissa Hill blew Wallice into cumming. Melissa Hill’s eyes are great, wow, what a vision, oh and she gets a facial, which is always nice to see in porno, I presume.

The movie moves to the County Courthouse where Jeanna Fine is going to talk to a lawyer, I can only assume. She gets in a fight with the mistress, who happens to be there too! The two wrestle a little and then start to have lesbian sex in a bathroom stall. That’s the finisher of this movie, and the two seem to really enjoy the process. Nikki Tyler gets a strap on, and Jeanna Fine gets plowed here, and the two go through some great moments, having fun together. Eventually the two finish, and I’m certain the director called cut. This is the end of this movie, there’s no real resolution, and I don’t know if anyone actually wanted to watch to the end. It’s a good scene for what it is, but it very much cuts the story short, if you were invested in it. I guess they become lovers? Fade to black, and The End, 1995, Wave video. No credits.

I give “American Pie” a 3 out of 5.

This is not a terrible movie, mind you. But it’s far from great. Jeanna Fine is great, Nikki Tyler is hot, and the rest, well it’s functional.

You can purchase “American Pie” from a wide variety of different locations. Including HERE where you can get an autographed copy of this movie!

Did you see “American Pie”? What did you think? Drop me a comment.