Showing posts with label porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label porn. Show all posts

Saturday, March 6, 2021

Texas Crude (1995) Review


We go back to the 1990s, and this time around we are looking at a movie that was distributed by Nitro Productions, and directed by Charles Rothstein. The movie stars Houston, Alec Metro, Valeria, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Vince Vouyer, Dallas Whitacker, Barbi Bond, Keisha, and Mike Horner. The movie is about a bar in Texas, and a wealthy tycoon wants to buy in. Will the bar sell out or will they stay put, on top of a fortune of ore? The movie has a simplified plot, and really is paper thin as per usual, and to be honest, it’s not well written. However, unlike my previous reviews, I take a look at the sex more than the story, because no one seems to care about the story, and fast forward to the raunch, right? Today we look at "Texas Crude".

The first thing you should know about this movie is that Houston is starring in it, that same Houston that did 620 men in the world’s biggest gang bang. The movie opens up with a simple strip tease, and we get moving fast into the nudity. Of course, that’s what you came for, right? 

Plotting starts with a group of lawyers in a room, being requested to purchase land that is sitting on a great deal of ore. The group adjourns, and we get moving straight forward into a hard wipe, and a bedroom scene. The room looks like a random hotel, and it isn’t that attractive, but it’s where we start with the sex. 

Scene 1. Houston, Alec Metro

Houstin has her hair in braids, like that of the Perfect 10 movie. If you’re familiar with that classic, then you know what her hair looks like here. ALec Metro wears a suit that is too big for him, but it starts to come off fast with Houston. Houston is a blonde with big breasts, and a thin waist. This is before she had a lot of other work done, so she is still somewhat young in this scene, and Metro is a veteran of sorts. 

The scene is somewhat standard, with the most provocative of moments the oral sequences with Metro getting blown, where as Houston getting eaten out isn’t exactly the best. She’s shaved, in that 1990s style, so if you’re a fan of that, you’ll likely be turned on here. However the sex is rudimentary, lacking that passion, it’s two machines, no passion, and well, somewhat interesting for the longer shots. This is standard sex, porno sex, multiple positions, and a money shot, no condom, and just a finish. If you’re a fan of Houston, then you may like this scene, otherwise, it’s just not that grand. Even if she is hot, there’s something missing. 

Metro’s script is hilarious, if you’re watching this for entertainment, he spews a few one liners, here and there, which are funny to consider, but overall just over the top. 

Plot Point 

The plot moves forward and we get more of the story. Two guys are looking to make a deal to buy out the owners. In between that we get to see the hiring process of a strip club. That leads to a stern conversation in the back of the club. Ms. Dallas Delight says Texas Crude is not for sale. The crux of this plot revolves around the buying of a strip club. There’s some seriously bad acting, bad jokes, and simplified lines. 

Scene 2. Valeria, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron

Next up we get a threesome in which Byron and Wallice are sent to arrest Valeria, a busty blonde. The fun starts with kissing in a backstage area of what is supposed to be the strip club/bar. Byron gets blown first, and that’s where your x-rating comes into play. This is a scene with minimal music, and a bit of sound overall. The sound design here is not half bad, but the lack of music is a bit odd considering this is a feature. There’s a good deal of foreplay for the plot, but once the sex gets moving forward, Valeria and the boys do a good job of making moves. Fans of close up sex will enjoy seeing the penetration go full force with Byron taking the lead overall. At one point Wallice is soft, so he’s not in frame. Valeria does anal after a certain point, and while there’s no double penetration, there’s enough to get you started up. Anal is somewhat limited before a money shot occurs, and she gets it on her face and pubic mound, which is not completely shaved. 

Plot point: Wallice and Byron cum and are busted by Dallas, she warns the cops that they are in trouble and will have to answer to a higher authority unless they scram. 

Meanwhile, Houston wants to dance and approaches Dallas and asks to get started asap. 

Scene 3. Dallas Whitacker, Vince Vouyer

Vouyer watches Dallas dance, and eventually gets in good with her, and the next sex point begins. Dallas is a nice, tight blonde with medium size breasts, and Vouyer is a pro here. The setting here is a bar, right on the stools and counter. The two proceed into oral, and while it’s not epic, it is serviceable. Dallas is ok, she has pretty looks, and gives head with slight enthusiasm, but you can tell that the chemistry here is lost somewhere. They are limited to how many positions they can go here, so you can expect limited sex, doggy, cowgirl, and the use of the bar stools and counters. Dallas has a nice body, but this is not a great sex scene if you ask me. It’s formulaic, and Vouyer even looks bored at one point. There’s a money shot and then that’s it, it’s all over.

Plot Point: Houston talks to Mr. BIg about buying the bar. We then move forward to the stage where two ladies are dancing and getting clapped for and cheered for. This has shotty camera work, slow motion, and piped in claps. It’s pretty lousy, but the set isn’t too bad here so that’s a plus. 

Scene 4. Dallas Whitacker, Houston

For fans of lesbian sex, the movie throws in this little tidbit. You get Houston with Dallas, and the two immediately start getting naked and going for it. You can tell that they are not fully bisexual, at least not with one another as the scene is slow, methodical, and somewhat tame in comparison to the rest. It’s very lackluster in terms of lesbian sex, and while it will get you there, it’s definitely lacking. Again there’s no soundtrack here, just the moaning, and mostly oral as you’d expect. This is a scene you’d probably fast forward, it lacks chemistry. 

Scene 5. Barbi Bond, Keisha, Mike Horner

Moving along, we are in the middle of another scene, the plot jumps to sex, and we get the final sex encounter. This time around it’s Barbi Bond, Keisha, and Mike Horner. Horner is a veteran of this stuff, and the two women are a dichotomy for you. One is a tight blonde and one is a brunette with nice hips and curly hair. The sex starts quickly with a blow job to horner, and then goes into lesbian sex. Lots of kissing and oral before Horner jumps in to have sex with the women and it’s not half bad. It’s a good ender, but it definitely is missing something. There’s a cum shot on Barbi Bond’s rear, and that’s it for the sex, a short sex scene to level things out. 

The plot thickens when Dallas and Houston catch Horner’s character. Horner is married so gets to moving along, and then we get the final moment, where Dallas and Houston breaks the news to Mr. Big, he gets the shaft and doesn’t get to buy the club. 

Texas Crude is a by the numbers porno movie, and one that I wouldn’t recommend. If you’re a big fan of Houston, then there you go, but other than that, this is somewhat mediocre and just kind of tiresome. 

I give “Texas Crude” a 1 out of 5 stars. 

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Coed Fever (1980) Review

Coed Fever (1980)
Today we are getting back to our time machine and we are going back to 1980. We are going to be seeing a Cabellero Home Video million copy seller, as it was a huge hit for the company in 1980. “Coed Fever” was released in 1980, and it had a lot of solo acts, and 19 overall sex scenes. It was directed by Robert McCallum, and it features some heavy hitters. Some of the names that are in this include Terri Dolan, Aaron Stuart, Serena, R.J. Reynolds, Lisa De Leeuw, Jamie Gillis, Piper Smith, Gloria Harrison, Vanessa del Rio, Michael Morrison, Ron Jeremy, Samantha Fox, John Leslie, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Terri Dolan, Jon Martin, Annette Haven, Eric Stein, Don Fernando, and Paul Baressi, just to name as many as I could. There’s a lot going on here, and the movie is only 89 minutes long. This really feels like a movie that was meant to be seen in movie theaters, and it shows. It really pushes that envelope from the start, with sex being the biggest thing, at least with my copy of the film.

The movie begins with a pixie haired dirty blonde with small breasts, not shaved, and Aaron Stuart with a late 1970s hair cut and mustache. No one’s shaved here, and it gets straight into a blow job as the clothes start to come off. The film grain is here, you know this was on the silver screen. The set is a kitchen, and the two actors get into the sex, showing off no condoms, and the classic push of the 1980s. The sex has a lot of edits, a lot of cuts, and a lot of facial expressions, so you go back and forth with the close ups, and then the penis and the vagina, with lots of hair everywhere. Eventually, Stuart cums on the pub ic hair of Terri Dolan, and starts the movie off with straight forward sex. These two are not young coeds, that’s for sure.

We have a cut and we end up going to a sorority house where we see girls talking. Then we go to a frat house where some dudes start talking and that’s it. A lot of exterior shorts are shown, and we see a variety of men and women talking. This is a full movie with sets, and film grain, it’s simple. The dean calls for the women to come over, and we just get moving forward like a 1980s college flick. If you’ve seen one of those, then you know that the movie is about the guys against the evil Dean of the School. We see that the Dean is going to have a photo shoot that is going to do a story on the sorority, but they have to ditch their men. The Sorority lead talks to the girls and says that they need to date only good men.

We are sent to a date, where a man named Joey and a girl talk about doing it, and the guy is getting rejected. This is a break up date. The woman breaks up with ole Joey, and he starts throwing chairs, and gets really upset. Meanwhile we see the waiter going mad, and miming his disinterest.

The scene cuts to Serena and R.J Reynolds in a gym. Serena is a red haired girl, and she gets on her hands and knees to start sucking off Reynolds, and that’s it. There’s no sound, there’s no artistic elements, just hard light from the left, and the sounds of sucking.

The movie then shifts to another couple in a sauna, and they are talking about how they need to break up. The movie moves along and we see others break up before we are sent back to Serena and Reynolds in a very basic sex scene. It’s like watching two parents or a long time couple have sex, very little passion, not a lot of moaning, just him on top, and moving forward on gym mats. There’s romantic music, the lighting sucks, and there’s little to no “passion” here, it’s just straight forward, with a basic movement. The best part here is that Reynolds go down on Serena and she really gets into it, and that’s where she starts to moan, and we get to see a better sequence of sex.

The break ups continue, and we get more of the story. We are hearing about the future of the sorority and the frats and dating. It’s a story driven movement, and we are introduced to other characters along the way. This movie is swift, we are 22 minutes into this movie, and we haven’t seen a lot of sex just yet, but there’s a lot of story. It’s ok at best.

Moving forward, we are taken to a threesome that happens after a couple of guys go to a bar.

THis scene, from what I can gather includes Piper Smith, Gloria Harison, and Jamie Gillis. Terrible music begins, and one of the other guys starts watching, and Gillis starts to eat out one of the women, and then one of them rides him, and his face. The two girls are blondes, there’s some smooth jazz that comes through, and away we go through another sex scene, with bad lighting, and random moments of sex. There’s some good moments with a blow job, having two blonde haired women blow Gillis is good, and they seem into it completely. The movie continues with bad lighting, bad shadows, and what appears to be a swing set? After some time, there’s a facial and that’s it. This was ok at best, the women were a little more into it, but it wasn’t grand to say the least.

After the scene, we get to another part of the movie, two guys and a laundry truck. The two guys have a plot to work with and are talking about delivering some new detergent, but it’s really poison. They knock out a woman, drag her upstairs, and replace her with someone else.

Ron Jeremy and Michael Morrison talk about how they want to get moving forward with taking pictures and getting forward progression on the story. Vanessa del Rio is there and giving the guys a tour, and Jeremy keeps saying that he can’t contain himself. After the trio look into a random bedroom, they decide that they need to get it on. Jeremy gets down on his knees and gives del Rio oral while Morrison gets blown, and the smooth jazz comes over again. If you’re a fan of del Rio than you will like this, it’s average at best. Jeremey and Morrison work well in the doubles, but eventually Jeremy cums onto del Rio’s breasts, and Morrison goes soft, allowing this to finish off.

The Dean shows up and catches del Rio, and then chases her out. The Sorority house gets made, and they aren’t sure how to move forward. They say that people will be getting in trouble if they don’t fess up to who is responsible.

As the movie progresses we see another couple, this time it’s John Leslie naked on a bed with Samantha Fox blowing him. There’s no sound again, just the sound of the blow job. This leads straight into sex, and it’s Leslie on top, and he’s going in and out, with Fox’s legs up.

The movie continues and the Dean is mad, and he starts plotting how to move forward. We are at the 54 minute mark at this point.

Moving along we see a random dude scoping out the sorority, meanwhile, a couple of women are doing it together. There’s a simple scene with Lysa Thatcher and Tawny Pearl. A brunette and a blonde just having fun together, lesbian sex, lots of oral, fingers, and forward progress. There’s a slow moving bass line, and we see the guy come inside the room to see it all happen.

Up next there’s a sorority initiation, and we see Tawny Pearl, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Smantha Fox, and Terri Dolan all getting spanked while they play with vibrators. This is a sorority initiation and it’s quite sexy.

We move forward and find out that the sorority found out who was causing the problems with the Dean. That made Annette Haven, Samantha Fox and Paul Baressi engaging in a threesome which features sex and a paddle, then a strap on dildo with some strong elements. There’s a sense of punishment in this arena, and it’s a domme sex scene that borders on violence at times. It’s not my favorite scene, but it progresses the plot, so in that arena, I guess it’s ok. It’s a threeway overall and at some point Paul Baressi cums on and rubs his penis all over the brunette, and that’s that.

Some soft music plays, and we see the movie progress to a date again. This time Brooke West and Jon Martin are talking, and they simply talk about how they want to do it. That leads to another plot point, before we end up in a soft sex scene, with West and Martin. Brooke is a brunette girl next door looking woman, and Martin is a nerd, and well, the sex is ok at best. It’s soft, it doesn’t get a lot of movement, the lighting is horrendous, and they do it on a carpet, and well, it’s just not great at all. It looks clumsy as hell.

The climax and ending of the movie features the coeds having sex at the mansion of the Dean, and the camera guy and article writer get in on the action, as the jazz music comes through and we are treated to a little disco, and a cum shot to finish things off, nothing that great, but just a finish.

At the end of the day, there’s a lot going on in this story driven movie. It’s more story than sex, that’s for sure. There are some funny moments, and it’s hilarious to see how things work through the elements, including a little gay nod at the end.

I give “Co Ed Fever” a 2 out of 5.


It was hard to review this one because the editing was so bad, but it worked for what it was. It’s like a 90s or 80s sex comedy, with hardcore in it, the sex is not passionate, you sometimes don’t see penetration because of the lighting, and it really seems like a movie that played as a double feature to a better porno, but then again, that’s what you get with the 1980s, right?

Thursday, March 14, 2019

John Leslie's Night Shift Nurses (1987) Review

John Leslie's Nightshift Nurses
Today, we go back to a topic that is near and dear to my heart. We talk about porno and nurses, and the original elements that made me raise an eyebrow when I was going through puberty. There’s something about nurses and sex, even to this day, and while the uniforms are all different now, I still think fondly of them for various reasons. Today we are going back to 1987, for a movie about some hard working medical staff, and the men they help. This movie is called “Night Shift Nurses” and it’s from 1987. The movie stars Dana Dylan, Lynn Franciss, Joey Silvera, D.J. Cone, Steve Henessey, Keisha, Jose Duval, John Leslie, Siobhan Hunter, Peter North, Bionca, and Lois Ayres. Some of these names you know, and some of them will be new, as they weren’t that famous, but hey, it’s 1987, and the VHS revolution was just gaining steam in the adult video world, so you probably didn’t buy this one, you rented it. Directed by John Leslie, “Night Shift Nurses” is another one of those nurse movies your dad probably hid on betamax.

The beginning of this movie is not pornographic. It shows a janitor mopping a floor, very much like you would expect from a horror movie. The camera is low, and you see a man mopping, and that’s it. There’s nothing sensual, nothing extreme, just a man mopping the floor, and just doing his job. There’s film grain here. There’s a nod to cinematography initially, but the lack of cuts and stationary camera, reminds you that this is not Hollywood, outright. I do appreciate the lighting, shadows, and set design, as this is certainly a hallway set, not just a random warehouse, without ceilings.

The opening sequence takes a turn. The janitor looks into a crack in a door way, and sees a doctor and two nurses. They are Dana Dylan, and Lynn Franciss, and the doctor is none other than Joey Silvera. There’s nothing shaved here, Silvera has full pubic hair, and he’s rock hard to start, but he’s not a big guy, as I may have stated before. We have a contrast in women, both slim, medium sized breasts, equally as pretty, one brunette and one blonde, and they kiss, suck, and make sure that Silvera stays in the moment. Meanwhile, the janitor starts to get hard, and puts his hands down his pants, as the camera juxtaposes manual stimulation, with Silvera and the nurses getting into a threesome behind closed doors. The sex starts with Silvera getting sucked off by one nurse, while he kisses another, and that’s enough gusto to get this movie rolling into what it is, a porno. Silvera here is golden, the women do their roles well, and the sex is swift, the editing is fast, and you really end up seeing both the sex, and the solo act all in the same scene, with a mix between the two. The brunette in this one is great, she rides silvera and seems like a natural against the blonde, but both definitely do work with Silvera. Meanwhile, Steve Henessey is outside the doorway masturbating. The trio have sex in a small room, with blue walls, and odd lighting, and yet it has a sexy quality to it that you cannot deny. There is anal around the 3 minute mark, mind you, so if you’re a fan of anal, there’s a few sequences of that.

Meanwhile the janitor is watching, and a nurse comes up on him to look at what he’s doing. The camera shows a very blonde, tall woman, and she just watches the janitor, and he of course looks into the room. While in doggy, the brunette and the janitor lock eyes, and the two have a moment while Silvera continues to anal. Silvera cums on the brunette’s lower back, and the janitor cums while the nurse keeps watching, and that knocks out two scenes in one edit.

The cool thing for me about this movie is that it’s dubbed in Spanish! Score me! I love when porno comes to me dubbed. The blonde from the hallway talks to an admin and he talks about how his staff needs to be up to snuff. The nurses are all busty, have big 1980s hair. The set here looks like a legit hospital, with admin files, overhead lighting, and shadows that you’d expect, but of course, it’s a set. The head nurse said that there is going to be an inspection later today, and that no one is going to lose their job. There’s a good overall plot point here, and that’s something that you’ll definitely note as something interesting. The movie goes to another room, and it’s the janitor cleaning, meanwhile Joey Silvera shows up to talk to him. Silvera says he just operated on a woman and that she had the biggest prostate ever, and the janitor tells him that only men have that. Silvera then talks about how he’s a detective, and that he is watching for changes, and more. Silvera is so natural here, with his bushy hair and mustache, he just exudes porn acting.

After the meeting in the random room, two nurses talk in the main lobby. They talk about how new uniforms were ordered, and they were on the way. Meanwhile, we end up going back to see the janitor cleaning, and inside a closet, when the head doctor comes in and puts on a lab coat. A woman comes into the doctor’s office, and says she has a headache that won’t go away. This is the 12 minute mark mind you, and the doctor looks at a file. The woman here is mature, made up like the late 1980s sitcom women would be, and has large red hair. The doctor makes some jokes, and tries to see what’s going on with the lady. She’s not having it, though, and she seems annoyed by the doctor’s lax methods. The doctor gets a phone call and says he has to go, but will be right back. The janitor comes out of the closet, and the woman grabs him, and pulls his pants down.

For this scene we see D.J. Cone, a redhead that looks a lot like your standard 1980s sitcom mom, and Steve Henessey, she blows Henessey a little, then seems frustrated when the doctor comes back yelling. The doctor comes in and recommends that we look into getting her temperature rectally, and we see him put a thermometer in her butt. The doctor gets a phone call again and says he will be right back. This time, D.J. Cone is nude, and as the janitor comes out of the closet again, he encounters Cone naked, and once again she pulls his pants down and wants to get action. The funky music starts and Cone gets really horny here, as Henessey just gets blown.

The scene cuts and we go to the lobby, and the doctor is yelling and muttering random bs, before we go back to the sex scene. I don’t know why there are edits of this type, but

Cone has full red pubic hair, and Henessey is big, as he goes in deep on the doctor’s table. The shadows here indicate studio lights from where the camera is facing, into the action. You can tell that this is not a real hospital, but a poorly dressed set. After some pumps, the janitor cums and Cone wipes herself up and then puts the thermometer back in her anus, and that’s it. The doctor returns and he starts to talk about what they can do to help her. She gets dressed, smiles, and we move along to the next scenario.

For the next scene we are back in the locker room. We see 4 nurses, all with big 1980s hair, and Joey Silvera sitting on a blue couch. The women are just talking randomly, and saying that they are not going to go anywhere until the inspectors have come through and gone through their work.

Moving forward, we see the blonde head nurse, and a young woman asking for a young man regarding seeing a young man, named Johnson. She claims that she’s his sister, and that she is a nurse. Harry Johnson, is of course the joke here, and the lady wants to do a good deed. She said she’d wait for up to 5 hours for Harry Johnson to get out of surgery.

The scene changes and we see three nurses laughing and giggling in a hallway. They said that they should give a bath to a random guy, and that he’s a fun dude to hang with. The women come through, and we get into a room where you know it’s a set. There’s a makeshift door, a blue wall with a 2 x 4 cross beam in the background. This is a set, you can tell by the way the shots are setup, and the women come in from an outer hallway. The shadows are cast as though there are studio lights overhead and off screen, while a hard camera and director situate themselves away from the action. Immediately, one of the women takes off her white panties, and we start to move forward to what will be the next sex scene. The women approach Peter North, as he is sleeping, and they all talk about what they should do first. One of them suggests that they use their tongue to wake him up. Bionca, Lynn Franciss, and Sheena Horne are the 3 women here, and they each have small breasts, thin frames, and large 1980s hairspray hair. They are straight out of the 1980s with their style, and all are wearing the white nurses uniforms that all nurses wore back in the proverbial day. There are two blondes and two brunettes getting in on the action, and immediately get Peter North hard. The women leave North asleep, and start to make out, and then do themselves while he is asleep. North has an odd penis here, where it flops up towards him, like he was using a penis pump, and it’s not all the way hard, until he starts to rub it and bring it up straight. There’s a terrible rock soundtrack, and the camera moves in front of him stroking, classic North style. The women get naked at this point. Through the shifting of the women’s positions, we get a threesome that is somewhat slow and steady, with North not wearing a condom, and the women taking turns riding him as he wakes up from his coma. The end comes with a Peter North cum blast on two women, and that’s about it. They dubbed the moaning! That’s when I notice they dubbed the freakin moaning! This scene was fast and simple.

Joey Silvera looks like Kurt Vonnegut by the way!

After the fourway sex scene we see Joey Silvera coming through and talking about how his head hurts. He talks about how he is having a hard time dealing with certain things. He then tells the head nurse that he’s on a mission and can’t seem to find the answers. Then goes to the Johnson sister and she talks to him a little.

We then move to the locker room, or break room, so to speak. It’s where the lockers are, and we see Keisha, a busty brunette with too much makeup, and Jose Duval. Duval is a thin, older looking dude, and he immediately jumps into the scene and takes over saying he is the man that wrestles himself, nude, and starts to take his clothing off in front of Keisha. Keisha is wearing a nurses uniform, is somewhat tall, has natural breasts, and without makeup, wouldn’t look so great. The dude is older, Duval is wearing a black thong, and he starts to wrestle himself. Duval is the luckiest man in porno, because this is too funny to me. He tries to wrestle himself, before Keisha starts to rub herself. This is a low point in the movie, as you see that he wrestles himself, and he says that sometimes he loses himself. Keisha asks him if he has ever wrestled a man, and Duval said that he has never wrestled them, but he would totally wrestle her. Keisha starts to suck the old man off, and he has a hard time taking the bra off of his woman, but she continues to suck Duval in a slow, methodical manner. The old man and the woman do it doggy style, and it’s a lackluster scene with a cum shot that is not that great. Duval does not have a big penis, or anything, and the cum blast is short, before the end shows Keisha sucking him off, and then tells hi m that he is very attractive, and then we move forward. That was beyond the lowest of the low in terms of sex. Duval is hairy, skinny, and while Keisha is good here, she’s not great, and just goes through the motions.

We move along and we see a woman praying with Peter North. There’s a prayer that occurs here, with Siobhan Hunter, a tall, red haired woman that claims she is a nun in an order of certain women. She prays a little with Peter North then begins to suck him off, fully clothed, mind you, until John Leslie walks in on them. The terrible music comes in, and Leslie starts to take off her shirt. We see more of Hunter’s body, and she has long red hair, small breasts, and light skin. The music throws me off, as I try to make sense of the room, which is terribly lit this time, with a two camera model that is just bad as the editing moves through several hard cuts. During this sequences, Leslie goes from behind while Peter North gets blown while John Leslie forces Hunter to bite a condom package open, then the camera slows down for her to start having sex with North, without the condom, mind you. We then see the action, and it’s Leslie with a condom going in anal, while North goes in the other side. You get double penetration here, and the condom is so yellow, and so dark, while the sex continues, and the two men have their way with this woman. The finish shows Leslie taking off his condom, then cumming on her backside while holding the condom in the other hand, while the soft keyboard music plays, and then Leslie walks away. While Leslie goes to another bed, North is finished off, but we don’t see a a cum shot, just a hard cut as he says that the nurses are too much.

There’s a hard cut, and we see the head nurse talking to Joey Silvera as he comes through and says that she has stolen all of their uniforms. So we see the head nurse yelling at Silvera, and saying that the nun stole clothing and what not. We then see Silvera in a bath robe run away, and then ask for Linda to come through and help him. out. The movie shows Silvera talking to a nurse and just talking about adoration, and how he wants her to work with him.

We get a long shot, then into the sex, as Joey Silvera and Bionca have sex on the floor of the hospital. Continuity wise this makes little sense, and why would they have sex on the hard floor in a hospital? For goodness sakes, this has only a couple of positions, and back and forth, with Silvera trying to hang on for a short romp. Silvera is rock hard, and goes into Bionca straight way, with her legs up, and him pushing in with bad kissing. Silvera tries to kiss Bionca at the one hour mark, and it shows that she isn’t into kissing, and it throws me off a little. There is a cum shot, and a random teddy bear, yes a teddy bear in a mop bucket watching them.

After that, we end up going forward to the waiting room, where the nurses are talking to the nun. She said that she is not the inspector, and is just a nun and is waiting for her brother. She says that the women are prostitutes, and that they are nothing short of being sluts. That’s it. We then see Silvera and Bionca cuddling and that’s about it.

The last scene shows the janitor and Lois Ayres. Ayres comes into his work area and just says that he needs to be quiet and do her now. Lois Ayres is the head nurse, she’s very blonde. Ayres and Steve Henessey starts to kiss, and we get a terrible view from above. They are supposed to be in a janitor’s closet, but the makeshift walls are obviously fake, and the scene moves fast into a blow job. Lois Ayres bleach blonde hair and white pale skin allows for contrast with Steve’s dark skin. She blows him and the music intensifies, before they start to get into the sex, which isn’t too good, but hey there’s no condom here. The sex is a quicky at best, and it is heavily edited, so you only get a few pumps before Henessey cums and that’s it. It’s at this point that I think Lois Ayres is wearing a wig. The two have sex, it’s quick, and he cums and it’s not romantic at all, but then again, it doesn’t need to be. The camera barely hits penetration, and the dubbing is just so bad here, that I don’t want to see it. It slows down at the cum shot, but you don’t see it, it just slows down, and we get a hard cut.

The camera zooms in and the music starts to get louder, and we get a hard cut back to the lobby and we realize that it’s Henry Johnson not Harry Johnson, but it doesn’t matter. Silvera comes back and says he found the uniforms and then we see everyone laughing. She comes through and says that the inspection is being done by Edwin Justice, and then Duval comes through and said he’s the man that wrestles himself, and that’s it. He gets carted away, the women and the guys look at one another, and says that they all passed the inspection.

I give “Night Shift Nurses” a 2 out of 5.


This is perhaps the worse nurse themed porno movie that I’ve ever seen, and at the same time, I’m attracted to nurse movies, because I love the uniforms. It’s not a terrible movie, but it’s far from good, a 2 out of 5, as it had a good plot, but other than that, I’ll pass on a repeat viewing. But hey, why not check out "Night Shift Nurses" anyway?

Sunday, February 17, 2019

What’s Butt Got To Do With It (1993) Review

WHat's Butt Got To Do With It (1993) 
Today we are going to be moving back to 1993 for a movie that was directed by Nic Cream, and has some good production value up front. The movie moves fast, and the story is simple, with production quality that is on the tip of the VHS scale. There is no film grain here, it’s comedically bad, but hey it’s 1993 and this is another movie. The movie we are going to review today is, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, and it stars Janet Jacme, Julian St. Jox, Ariel Daye, Tina Tyler, Lyndon Johnson, Ron Jeremy, Persia, Diana Knight, Dave Hardman, and Dick Nasty. These are not exactly all amazing names in the industry, but hey, they are in this movie from 1993, and we are going forward fast.

The movie starts with the credits, then we see a woman at a microphone about to sing. Her producer comes in and says that she’s singing wrong and that she’s stupid. He then goes off screen, and music comes through. We see things stop, and a large breasted blonde woman gets up and goes off screen. Then we see the singer and another woman talk, and the two discuss how the music world is so tough unless you give up something.

There’s a hard cut, and we see random women dancing around, and just shaking it. The sets here are real, the shadows point to that. They are not warehouse sets, this is someone’s apartment or house somewhere in the valley of southern California. The women dance for their producers, I’m assuming, and that’s about it. There is a lot of back and forth between the scenarios, and ultimately we end up with a Arsenio Hall looking dude, and an asian woman. Then there’s a random moment where it’s no longer the asian woman, it’s a short hair blonde. I’m not sure what the director was going for here, but eventually we see what I assume is Janet Jacme and Julian St. Jox having sex. This shifting camera angles and random moments, is just odd to me, but the sex starts and that’s ok. The two go through a few positions, both African Americans, and the lighting is terrible here. We get a couple of positions before Jox cumus, this involves anal at one point, and Janet swallows, and that’s the end of this scene.

After the scene ends, we get sent to a scene where a lady wants to be with her man in bed. He is writing, and he says, leave me alone, I’m trying to write. She tries to engage, and he’s not having it. The scene is very dark, the camera is very close, and shaky, and the lighting is horrendous here.

The camera switches and we are sent to a porn set, with hard lighting coming from the 4th wall, and shadows being cast all over. THere’s a dark green couch, and two brunettes kissing and taking off their dresses, while an African American woman starts to play with herself. This thruway features Ariel Daye, Persia, and Tina Tyler. The scene features oral, scissoring, masturbation, and lots of kissing. It’s slow moving, there’s not a lot of moaning, and it’s kind of boring if you ask me. I think these women may not be bisexual, as the performance leaves a lot to be desired.

We move to an outside scene and two women are talking. Apparently one lady is getting abused, and her man is cheating on her. She said she just needs to do one more album and things will be good. We then move to another scene.

This scene shows Ron Jeremy talking to the record producer, and he says that he wants to record an album with Spike and the Tina Turner impersonator, of sorts. Remember this is a parody of the Tina Turner story. The two argue, and then the producer tells his maid to suck on his friend, Ron Jeremy.

Lynden Johnson is a tall blonde woman with large breasts, and she takes out Ron Jeremy’s member to suck on it and that cues the music. The bass heavy music is horrible, the lighting here is again bad, but the set is a real house. This is not a warehouse set, this is someone’s house, so the lighting is a lot better, and the set dressings are also very good. Jeremy is not as fat as he is now, and he is ready for action as soon as Johnson starts to grab at his penis. Jeremy is killer with the one liners, and here is a good example of what a great performer he has been in the past, and well maybe in the present as well. He gets sucked off well by Johnson, whom I’ve never seen before in movies. “Must be from the virgin islands”, Jeremy quips, as he gets sucked off from Johnson. The sex is fine, she doesn’t moan a lot, and Jeremy spouts one liners as he has sex, and it’s not horrible, but the two lack chemistry, and it shows. Eventually he cuts on her face, and we see the end, and hard cut to a new scene.

We move to a patio party where all the industry insiders are hanging out, and then move to the inside of the house, and it’s our main character and Spike talking about leaving. She’s packing a bag, the outside is just talking, and things are going down on the inside. He says she cant leave and he owns her, and then we get a hard cut to the outside. Outside two women talk about how life is just stuck in a repeating pattern.

Porn Video On Demand at GameLink


We then move to see Persia and Julian St. Jox talking, and while the ebony woman dances, the music kicks in and we get into a new sex scene. This time around it’s not bad, but it lacks that chemistry that you would expect from two people that actually want to have sex. This is a mechanical movement, and Persia is hot, but Julian St. Jox can’t wait to do anal, before he cums, and so you see that rush into sex, and that’s that. It’s not great, it’s not good, and well, it works. This is a warehouse setting, and the lighting sucks again, the music is lackluster, and the film grain just doesn’t work. This is duct taped together for sure.

After the scene, we get to another sequence where the main character wants to leave and she’s ready to go. But out comes two guys from the FBI and they flash their badges and say that our main character needs to come with them. She pleads her case, and she gets on her knees, and starts to get in on the blow job action. Diana Knight here gets into the sex, she blows Dave Hardman and Dick Nasty, and it’s not that good, but hey, she’s doing her job. This is done at someone’s house in a garage somewhere, and it’s lackluster, but it works in a pinch. There’s no DP here, it’s just threesome in the garage, before the film cuts out for me. Maybe there’s a resolution, but by the time I finish this thing, I’m ready for another drink and want to give up on it all.

I give “What’s Butt Got To Do With It” a 1 out of 5.


This is perhaps the worst movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Not even Ron Jeremy’s classic acting could save this picture. It’s horrendous, but hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Edward Penishands (1991) Review

Edward Penis Hands (1991) 
We come back to another movie from the 1990s. This time around we are taking a look at the movie that was a parody of a famous movie. You already know what to expect with this one, as they made 3 of them. This movie we are going to be looking into is none other than “Edward Penishands”. That’s right, the parody, and well here we go, this movie stars Alexandra Quinn, Sikki Nixx, Jamie Leigh, Jeanna Fine, Ashley Nicole, Domonique Simone, and Jon Dough. The movie is a direct parody of the Hollywood movie, and has a good overall script, although the movie is not filmed with that film grain, that you expect from other movies, but I guess that doesn’t matter as this is a porno, by the way.

The movie starts with a woman carrying a suit case, walking through a warehouse. SHe’s tall, blonde, wearing a green dress, and is continually saying, Hello. No, it’s not Adele, but it most likely can have some moments of hilarity. If this was Mystery Science Theater 3,000 you know they’d make that reference. This blonde haired woman looks to find who is in the warehouse, and she runs into a recluse. This recluse has penises for hands! That’s right, he has penises, and that’s it. Mr. Penishand asks the woman not to go, and we get into the story.

There’s a trendy soundtrack for the 1990s that comes into play, and we see the blonde take off her clothes. She lets down here hair, and she starts to suck Edward’s hands. I kid you not. He’s in full makeup. This is a jolting movie if you aren’t ready to see what is going on. The makeup job on Edward Penishands is great, and he looks like the Depp character, meanwhile the woman here is blonde, small breasted, and gets into the role. Edward begins with oral sex on the blonde, whom I assume is Alexandra Quinn. She has tan lines, and Edwards goes down on her with his tongue, and using his hands a little. After some time, we see Edward using both hands in both holes, and he’s fully clothed while you watch the penishands do their work. I’m not sure if this is eroticism or not, it’s actually kind of werid, and yet Quinn’s black pumps make it for me, so I guess there’s something to say. The set here is well lit, a warehouse setting with a bed, and that’s not bad. After some foreplay with the hands, Edwards gets his zipper open and Quinn gives him a blow job. Then the two get into doggy style and things get forward progress. The camera angle here is ok at best, and Edward stays clothed in doggy style, trying to hold on with his penishands. Quinn screams and moans and that really turns me on. This scene becomes grotesque, and yet I couldn’t turn away. Quinn’s screaming is what I want in a partner, I’ll say that much. After a couple of positions we see Edward cum through all of his penises, real and prosthetic, and that’s the end of the first major scene.

The scene ends and we end up going forward to another scene, where two women are talking on the phone. We see Quinn bring in Edward to a set that I is definitely in a warehouse studio somewhere. I can tell because of the shadows from the lighting. It becomes obvious that we are seeing this filmed on a sound stage, which isn’t bad, it’s well decorated, it’s just painfully obvious. The movie continues and we hear about Quinn’s daughter, and that Edward can stay and make himself at home.

We get a firm cut, and we are shown another bedroom scenario. This one features two women, Jeanna Fine and Jamie Leigh. Both are average looking women here, no implants, dirty shoes, and just average elements. The set is lit like a studio, and the shadows play to that regard. We see the women masturbate, use toys, and just go for it, with no real story to this, other than they are trying to get off. The two join one another in a bed and use toys then keeps going, and that’s it. The two just enjoy themselves. One brunette and one dirty blonde, both thin, no major large breasts, somewhat shaved, and that’s it.

After the lesbian sex scene, we see Edward looking at his hands, and that’s it. He starts to imagine things, and realize his past. It’s suppose to add a story arc to the movie, but it’s painfully thrown in place.

The movie continues and Edward is introduced to three new women. They are all thin, and they get sent away out of a room. We are left with Jon Dough and Quinn, while the scene fades to black.

Now we are taken to a bathroom where Edward is with two women. Domonique Simone is an African American woman with small breasts, and Ashley Nicole is a dirty blonde haired, thin woman with medium sized breasts as well. The two start to suck on Edwards hands, and he is just looking like it is pleasurable. The full concept here is Edward just playing with the women with his hands and then he cuts with his hands and it shoots out a little, and that’s it. It’s a short scene, and it’s not that fun.

Moving along, we get Ashley Quinn and Jon Dough talking about how sales are down for Quinn’s sex toy elements. Quinn signals Dough that she wants him, and that two start to kiss. The generic porn music comes in, and they begin. Remember, the set here is a warehouse, so the backgrounds are terrible, there’s blue painters tape along a window frame, the walls are way too high, and the interior is just stupid looking. At one point you can tell that there is no ceiling, as the camera goes too high. The sex begins with Quinn taking off her body suit and blowing Jon Dough. He’s not huge, but he gets into it fairly well. Quinn moans a lot, screaming at one point, and making her my new “it” girl to watch. Quinn and Dough go at it on a kitchen table, no condoms, and it’s just straight forward. The two go through two different positions, then Quinn ends up getting summed on in the back, as Dough finishes things off. That’s it. Not a bad scene, but not a great one either.

Next we are taken to a bedroom, in the same warehouse set that you’d expect from a porno sound stage. Here we see Edward trying to play with himself, then cumming, and running we hears that Jeanna Fine is coming through the door.

This fades, and we see Jeanna Fine and Edward meet in a warehouse where Fine finds out that he has penis hands. There’s a soft song that plays, and it’s supposed to be a love song, while Edward squirts cum from his penis hands and Jeanna Fine dances under it. This is beyond stupid, and yet it’s endearing somehow. This is a very young Jeanna Fine, so she doesn’t have enhancements, and is toned nicely, skinny, and has long black hair. As we move forward, we end up seeing the scene fade to black and send the two back to a location in front of a fireplace. There’s a cheesy song playing, and the two here start to kiss and go forward. Fine sucks on the hand penises, then the two start to have sex, but not before a blow job begins. This is not a long scene. Fine does have enhanced breasts as one angle shows, and she rides Edward while he is fully clothed, until he climaxes and that’s the end.

I give “Edward Penishands” a 2 out of 5.


I love Jeanna Fine, I always liked her work, and Quinn’s yelling during sex turned me on. However, the novelty of this movie really wears on me, and it’s not sexy after a while. Fine looks like a Chicago escort that I know, and well, other than that, I don’t really know what to tell ya. It’s not a great movie, it’s not a bad movie, but it’s definitely one to check out if you’re curious. It’s not going to win any awards or anything, but as a novelty sex film, it’s not half bad. I’d watch Jeana Fine read the dictionary, though. She’s hot.

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Review

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Poster
Before the year is over, let’s get into the world of the 1980s and see a movie that has some famous names, and some scenic backgrounds. This is a movie that ends this year with a huge bang, as you’re going to find that the stars here are from what I consider the golden era of adult cinema, even if there are others that will disagree with me. Who’s in this one? Well, let me just say, it’s one hell of a line up. The stars of this movie include, Amber Lynn, David Sanders, Beverly Bliss, Craig Roberts, Traci Lords, Tony Martino, Nicole West, Peter North, Gina Valentino, Rick Savage, and Greg Rome. This is a full scale production, with film grain, and a full theme song that sounds like The Go Gos and it’s not half bad. The director here is Mark Curtis, and the movie is from 1985, and it is called “Hollywood Heartbreakers”. So let’s dive into this classic from the golden era, as it’s one that you can’t find many places.

The movie starts with a blonde driving a BMW, and she picks up a car phone. It’s a guy named Tony and he says that she needs to get there fast. She says that she will arrive soon. That’s when the music starts to drop off a little, and we see a brunette that talks about wanting to suck off the guy named Tony. She starts to undress, showing off small breasts, red painted finger nails, red lips, light skin, and dirty talk. She talks like a woman that is having phone sex, slow and deliberate, and starts to strip off her clothes, until she shows off her pubic region, that has not been shaved at all. The music dims a bit more, and you hear her moaning a little as the camera goes up and down on the woman. The camera then switches to the driving woman, that is going up PCH in 1985, which is California, for those that don’t know.

Amber Lynn shows up at the door of David Sanders, and says that she was instructed to take care of a package. That’s when David Sanders starts to kiss her, and the porno music starts. A rock guitar riffs begin and Amber Lynn, a dirty blonde, with bright red lipstick starts to suck off Sanders from a limp starting point. The scene starts with a blow job, and full nudity, and no one is shaved here. If you’re a fan of the classics, you’ll love that the two get into 69 within 7 minutes of the movie, and Amber Lynn seems to really enjoy her work here, giving Sanders one hell of a blow job while he gives her oral on the other side, not minding the hair. Sanders isn’t huge, but he works with Lynn well enough. The camera work is bad though, the lighting is not great, and the shots of close ups are mired here and there with bad zooming in and out. The set here is a bit dark, it doesn’t look like a warehouse, but more likely a condo somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. The two go through a couple of positions, without condoms, and just go through the motions. Lynn doesn’t moan a lot, but a little here and there, and the music doesn’t fit the sex here, though I appreciate the attempt at original music. It’s not cliche at all, mind you. After some back and forth, and a bit of moaning, Sanders cannot hang on and eventually cums on Lynn’s stomach, pulling out and letting it fly, the camera slows down for it. Sanders lasts a while, but it’s not a marathon session at all. Lynn says that she takes good care of packages, and that’s it.

Next thing we see is Amber Lynn getting to a phone and saying that she needs to check in on the other girls. We see Sanders pull out some money and then put it into her purse, and that’s it. The scan ends, and then we are taken to another woman. This time around we see Traci Lords putting on make up, getting ready to meet a client, as she picks up her phone, on the sunset strip.

Before seeing any action, we get a cut scene with Beverly Bliss having sex with a random guy named Tony. Then spliced into that, is Traci Lords driving a car. I just wanted to point out that if she was so young, why is she driving on camera? She’s got one hell of a car too, and this is not stunt driving, or anything fake, it’s legit, she’s driving what appears to be a Thunderbird. She visits Tony Martino.

Before the sex starts, we get a strip tease with Lords coming down some stairs, then kissing Tony Martino. The two get fully nude and begin with a little foreplay, Martino sucking and kissing Lords’ breasts. The two are outdoors, in the backyard of a mansion, overlooking Los Angeles. Tony Martino goes down on Lords right away, and the music here is quaint, piano music. The lighting is bad, with lots of shadows, and lots of sunlight obscuring some of the natural shots. Lords moans and moves a lot here, before Tony finally puts his hardness into Lords doggy style. Martino is not a good looking guy by any stretch, mind you. At the 26 minute mark, though, the action gets faster and harder, and the music changes to a 1980s rock tune, which I appreciated. That juxtaposes Lords moaning and gyrations, which intensify as she nearly screams in pleasure. This could be the most intense scene I’ve seen with Lords in it, and Martino does his job well, ugly as he is, and the two work well enough as the music goes faster and Martino just loses himself in the situation. Martino can’t hold his load, after a quick changeover, and cums on Lords’ face and chest, then rubs himself on her after the fact. You can almost hear the director yell cut, but the two end up kissing as the final moments close on this scene, and we fade into another point. New music picks up, Lords picks up her cash, which is only 300 dollars, which is standard for an hour with a mid-range escort, right? Just saying.

We see another woman riding around in a car. We get a conference call, and it’s Tony with Traci and Nicole, and we get a little nod to “Charlies Angels” complete with music. We also see a bit of sex with the guy named Tony, and his chick, but we don’t see his face, yet. It’s just a lot of hair, and a close up of the in and out process of the sexual landscape.

The next scene shows Traci Lords and Nicole West arriving at a home in Bel Air. There’s a hard cut, and we see a darkened warehouse set, with a boring looking couch, and a flaccid Peter North hanging out naked. Lords and West go inside the home, and they start to play with North. Music kicks in, the women take their tops off, and we start to get forward progress. The sex starts with Traci Lords riding Peter North’s face, while Nicole West gives him a blow job. The two women take turns going at North at the 35 minute mark with a blow job sequence that is epic. I’m talking dual blowing, North nearly humming straight out, and the two women focusing on his member in a way that you don’t really see in modern era film. It’s like West and Lords wanted to outdo each other, or they were just into this that much, I don’t know, but this sequence is intense, and really something that elevates this movie’s rating a lot more than the previous scenes. After dual blow jobs, North gives Lords the Russian treatment, between her breasts, while West gives her oral, as the music starts to intensify with drums and 80s bravado. There’s a cool visual design flow here, with North having sex in doggy style with Lords while a chair with two hands seem to be on her breasts. If you’ve seen this, then you know! This is a very cool effect, while the background of the set has antlers everywhere, like it’s a cabin or something. North looks like he’s going to cum any second, and he really does seem to be enjoying the process with Lords, as she moans and quivers. At one point West gets in the action, and Lords gives North a rim job, then at one point it appears that West fists North at around 42 minutes. The edit shifts and goes back to straight sex with reverse cowgirl and Lords with North, but I know what I saw, it was very odd, but the director decided to cut a little of it out. If you’re a fan of natural sex, with hair, and all that jazz, you’ll like this scene, even if the lighting and set leaves something to be desired. Lords and West seem to really like each other, mind you, and North is just a willing party here, and keeps it up as long as he can. This is a lengthy scene for the 1980s, mind you. After the sex seems to get boring, North cums on the two women’s chest, and then we get splicing in some of the past sequences, and it’s all over with a nice blast from North. Not his biggest load, but a nice quality one none the less. The women squirm, the film slows down, and for whatever reason the director focuses on North’s face before we get a hard cut and a new scene.

Gina Valentino is driving, and picks up the car phone to find out that she has a date. Tony is scene having sex again, and it’s the same sequence that you got earlier.

At this point, you see that Gina is headed to Marina Del Rey California, and that’s a throw back for me, since I lived in the area for some time.

We move along and we get to a point where we see Gina Valentino stripping for Rick Savage. Savage watches on, and the two are going to be moving forward with ease. Valentino has small breasts, shoulder length, teased brunette hair, is all natural, yet has a pubic mound that is trimmed. She starts to masturbate, and Savage looks on. The two have sex, and it’s probably one of the most boring sex scenes I’ve seen in a long time. Savage looks like he is really concentrating here, and Valentino is just going through the motions, allowing her lover to just go to town. After some time in Doggy Style, Savage cums on the lower back of Valentino and that’s it, perhaps one of the most formulaic scenes I’ve ever seen, dropping the rating on this one a lot lower than the previous scene.

Up next, we see the same splicing in of sex from Tony, and we see Amber Lynn driving around. She eventually pulls up to a house, in a red dress, and talks to Greg Rome and Ron Jeremy poolside. They banter a little and then move inside.

We go inside with a hard cut, and everyone’s already nude. There’s a heavy bass line started, and a rock guitar with some nice drumming to go along, as we move in with the camera. The set here is a den from the 1980s, with bad carpeting, terrible looking couch, and of course that 1980s aesthetic in terms of filming. Rome gets blown by Amber Lynn, a tight blonde, while Ron Jeremy gives her doggy style. The thing to look out for here is the fact that Ron Jeremy is thin, and makes his penis look a lot larger, because of course it’s about 9 inches long, from what I’ve read. Either way, he is in his prime here, and he’s fit, and just goes for it with Lynn. It’s impressive to see Jeremy in his prime, not as the hedgehog later on, but rather his thin, progressive self. If you’ve read his book, then you know how hard working he was as a porno actor, director, and more. It shows here, as he steals the show here with Lynn. You get multiple positions, a threesome that lasts a while, and of course the cum shot with the crossing of swords several times, which is odd. Rome and Jeremy are big, close in size here, and Lynn tries to take them on both at the end with cum going on her face to finish things off. The music really gets good here, mind you.

We move along, and there’s a hard cut, and Amber Lynn calls in to Tony and we then see Tony’s face and the sex he’s been having, finishes up. It ends with a blow job and cum in mouth, and that’s the end of the movie. Tony is a pimp, and it’s all said and done.

I give “Hollywood Heartbreakers” a 3 out of 5.


Not even Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords can save the rest of this movie from boring me. However, Lords and Jeremy are in their prime, and if you can find this movie, good luck. It’s borderline illegal to have this. I was able to procure a copy while I was visiting Japan, and got this on Beta Max, because I’m insane. In the United States, you’ll have to get creative if you want a copy, otherwise, you cannot buy this from an affiliate or anything. Good luck.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

South by Southeast (1997) Review

South by Southeast - 1997 DVD Cover
Well, I got a job. A 9 to 5 type of work, but that isn’t going to stop me from reviewing adult movies. Well, it kind of did for a while, right? Well, that’s changing soon, cause this time around we are going to be looking at the 1997 movie called, “South by Southeast” and it stars some well known people. For instance, you’ll find that this movie has Vicca, Tony Tedeschi, Brittany Andrews, TT boy, Nikita Gross, Tom Byron, Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North, and the director in a non sex role. The director here is Jim Enright, and the movie came out from Wicked Pictures. It’s a movie that is shot on film grain, and it is very much a Hitchcock throw back, but of course, it’s an adult movie so you have to remember that, since you may want to think of this is as high brow cinema. It’s not. But it’s also not a gonzo movie either, so if you’re the type that likes to watch full adult film, this is going to be one that will interest you. Without further run up, let’s talk about this 1997 big box vhs release of “South by Southeast” from Wicked Pictures.

The movie starts out with Tom Byron running around with a gun and a silencer. Meanwhile, there’s a villain that says he won’t come out! This bit of acting is a great starting point, and there’s a bit of comedy, and good acting here. The editing is top notch, and the set is a warehouse setting with a gun wielding Byron trying to get his man. Meanwhile, outside, we see Vicca and her Russian accent with a blonde haired woman. The two talk about how they have been taken advantage of, and that they are tired of working in the adult world. The two women here have Russian accents, mind you. Then out comes the two guys that we saw initially, running through a parking lot in the valley, and just playing “cops and robbers” with a funny looking gun. Byron goes around trying to shoot his man, and ends up finding a field guide for spies. He starts to read it, and it shows some information about what his next goal is, and the camera follows right behind him. Byron is in a suit that doesn’t fit him, and we see the credits begin.

The credits roll, finish, and we get moving into the movie. We see Tom Byron getting a review from his boss, which is played by TT Boy. The two get into an argument about how bad Byron’s work is, and TT Boy is great here. The set here is more than just a random porno set, mind you, and that’s something great in regards to the budget of course. In comes a very busty woman, with a thin waist, and tanned body. She’s decked out in latex, and she’s got very large breasts. She has blonde hair, and comes in and talks about some new case. She says that Nikita is the next person that they need to get, and Byron doesn’t want to do it at first. They are trying to scam Nikita and Vicca to catch them. This setup is great, and not too bad.

We then get a flash of the Hollywood Hotel, which are not apartment buildings with studios in them. I know this, because I once met an escort there, and we discussed the tech world, etc. Anyways, the scene shifts, and we see Vicca and a blonde talking, with the blonde nude, and the two just talking about working in porn, etc. This is not sexy. The set here is a hotel room, and it’s not bad, it’s just a random set. We see the blonde go forward with moving to a set, and she meets up with Tom Byron at a mansion, dressed in heels, and a nice skirt. She has blonde, curly hair, and it’s not a bad thing. Byron ties her up, and well, we get moving into the plot. There’s no sex in this adult movie for the first 10 minutes, mind you, it’s all story.

The movie progresses and we see Tony Tedeschi dressed up like a maid, and he gets into the room of Vicca and talks about how he’s a spy. There’s some music that starts, and Vicca asks Tony Tedeschi to prove that he’s a man! This is the studio set that’s supposed to be a hotel room. It looks like a motel set in a warehouse, and nothing too complex. Your lighting is coming from overhead, although there’s lamps and cheap furnishings in place, however, the lighting and shadows are coming from studio lights, and it shows. At the 14 minute mark we start the sex. Vicca is a red headed, thin, Russian porno star with C cup size breasts, is 5 foot 10, and light skin. Tedeschi isn’t huge, but he’s a mainstay in 1990s porno movies. Vicca has red heels in this, and she pulls herself naked fast, with Tony and her kissing a great deal as the movie progresses into sex. The camera gets in close for this, and the two seem to have a little chemistry as the foreplay continues. Vicca and Tony work through a couple of positions, nothing too crazy, and he has a condom on. He finishes on her pubic region, and she moans a bit through the process. The scene doesn’t last long, and as far as sex is concerned, it works, but it’s not grand at all. If you’re a big fan of Vicca, then you’ll love to see her moaning and enjoying Tony’s thrusts, as he picks it up to a fast pace at 23 minutes. He can’t hold on though, and cums with Vicca squirming a bit, and the camera going in close. It must be rough to not go back in after cumming, but it happens, and Vicca and Tony kiss a little before he gets his maid’s uniform back on. Tony has a fake English accent, and Vicca tells him that Nikita is not a spy or anything that they need to worry about.

Next we see an interesting play on visual design flow. We see TT Boy and Tom Byron talking again, this time they bring in the blonde. There’s a point where the movie shifts to show you an African safari, with the blonde being the prey that has been captured, but that moves back to the regular office, and we see discussions about why she’s captured, mainly as bait for their main goal, Nikita. As the scene changes, we are still in an office set, and TT Boy says that he’s tense, and needs some relief, which means he’s going to get some, right? Yep!

The next sex scene features TT Boy and Brittany Andrews. Andrews is a tall blonde haired woman with large breasts, and a thin waist. TT Boy pulls his pants down and Brittany Andrews starts to suck him off, with the music starting, and TT Boy getting hard as a rock for this sex scene. Andrews here gives a passionate blow job before TT Boy puts on a condom and starts to have sex in the office setting. The office looks like your average private eye looking spot, so it’s nothing too extreme. I could totally see this with 3 walls in a warehouse from Wicked, and recycled from other sets. There’s an interesting lighting element behind the two, and you can tell it’s not a “real office”, so to speak, it’s a nice setup none the less. Andrews augmented breasts are nice, she has a pubic piercing, and has a nearly shaved pubic mound when TT Boy gets started, condom already on. I never understood why they didn’t use lubed condoms, this one is dry, and it shows. It’s a magnum, as I can tell from the latex, and if you’re a fan of big breasts, Andrews moans and seems to enjoy things as the director shows you across several different angles. My personal favorite element of this sex scene is that Andrews wears black heels as TT Boy goes faster and faster around the 36 minute mark. In a close up angle of the penetration, from underneath, you see the warehouse ceiling, breaking the illusion that is occurring, but hey, who cares, right? Me! The heels and Andrew’s large breasts and TT Boy’s cum shot makes this one worthwhile, and definitely one of the better scenes in the movie. IT definitely got me heated.

Nikita Gross is a tall, skinny, dirty blonde, and she is taller than Tom Byron. She has a Russian accent here, and it should be noted that this is not Nikita Denise, it’s a blonde that reminds me a little of Phoebe from Friends mixed with an old boss that I used to work with. Byron and Nikita start to kiss, and there’s a soft piece of music playing underneath them. This is at the mansion that we saw previously, and it’s well lit, well designed, and has some really cool decor. The Elvis painting for instance in the hallway is really cool, and while the main focal point of the director’s movements goes to sex, I can’t help but notice the decor on this set. Tom Byron starts things off by giving Nikita oral, her pubic area not shaved completely, and his tongue working through the gyrations and wetness that proceeds. When the blow job starts, you really get a feeling for Nikita’s performance, as she really puts on a show. IN fact, it’s one of the best blow job starting points that I’ve seen in a long time, and one that you may want to book mark if you stumble across it. I’d suggest buying this movie just for that, as Nikita really makes the fantasy come alive. There are a lot of different positions here, mostly for the camera, mind you, and around the 50 minute mark, Byron unloads a cum shot that gets in Nikita’s hair, and mouth, but it’s not a big load. She sucks him off after the cum shot, and that elevates this movie to all new levels.

Nikita at this point asks if she’s going to get let go, since she’s a prisoner, remember? Anyways, Byron says, no, and the story continues. Mind you, this is 50 minutes into the movie. Nikita says, “I had sex with you”, and he says, well we are running out of time, so we need to hurry along and squeeze in more sex.

We are taken to a warehouse set again, this time it’s Peter North in fatigues. He’s at a desk at a government building, and he starts to talk. He lights a cigar with a joke looking bomb and he’s called Colonel Mustard. In comes Agent Orange and Vicca. There’s a joke here, as North threw a cartoon looking bomb and it blew up in Agent Orange’s room. However, Vicca comes in wearing a see through dress, and North spews his lines. Orange is played by Tony Tedeschi here, and the three talk about how Nikita got kidnapped, for mistaken identity. Vicca here is so hot, I can’t stand it. Had I not had to maintain professional integrity, I’d be stopping this review to enjoy the following sequence. Peter North asks for inspiration, and Alyssa Love comes in to help, which of course is a signal for sex, right? You know it.

Alyssa Love has a blonde streak in her brunette hair, and Peter North gets her to sit on his lap. She has a black thong on, and starts to undress, meanwhile, Vicca and Tony Tedeschi sits on a black couch. After a little movement, we get a shot that moves away to show the rest of the set, which is a 3 wall brick walled office. Alyssa Love has black heels on, making her look taller than she is, and is completely shaved. Tony Tedeschi starts things off by giving oral to Alyssa Love, a stunning beauty, but with a zit on the outside area of her anus and vagina. Now, when I was on sets in the past, they would use make up, but with Tony Tedeschi’s tongue is lapping it all up, so he doesn’t care, but as a viewer, I’m a little turned off, just saying. In real life, I wouldn’t care, but as an art form, come on! This scene has a four way with Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North and Tony Tedeschi, and it’s really good. North gets blown by Vicca while Love gives her oral, and Tony continues with Love, so you get a good mix of oral to start this off, all on the classic black couch of porno worlds. The sex begins, and of course it is all with condoms on as usual. Vicca and Peter North go for it first, and the camera lets you in on the back and forth. If you wanted a lesson in safe sex, here you go. While Vicca and Peter North have sex using a condom, Tony and Alyssa Love don’t, so the camera moves around little showing you examples of safer sex and straight forward doggy style with no condom at all. The moans and groans get heated at the 1 hour mark, and the camera shows you the penetration fully, making this an interesting little flick. After a bit of moaning and back and forth, we see the two guys cum on the faces of the actresses, and it’s not half bad, but it’s not great either. Syncrhonizing summing is tough, and I expected a Peter North cum blast, as I see Alyssa Love’s tongue ring, but as Tony finishes, and Vica blows him, North blasts Love in the face, and it’s quite good overall, which is an interesting sequence, and then Vicca starts to help him get off again, while Love sucks him off.

The next thing that you are going to notice about this movie is that it follows up all of this male on female action by giving you a lesbian scene with Nikita and Brittany Andrews. The two have sex outside, and they use their tongues, hands, and the camera plays on the more "playboy" type of scene, with soft lighting, even for outdoors, and it's not really that intense at first, but over time it became better and better. If you're a fan of lesbian scenes, then you'll love this one. Nikita and Brittany Andrews in a lesbian scene? You know what you're in for here, as it's outdoors and it's well lit, overlooking a good view.

After the scene, we get back to the story, and the end of the movie showcases some comedic gun play, and the final moments of mistaken identity, catching the bad girls, and lots of comedic one liners that are just bad. If you're a completionist of porno movies, then you'll love the story going into the final stages without any sex, and giving you a complete script. It's fine, but it abandons the source material long before this ever concludes. They tried, right? Of course.

I give "South By Southeast" a 3 out of 5. 


There are two great sex scenes here, and the foursome was good, even if there is an odd point where Peter North looks over at what Tony Tedeschi is doing harking back to his Matt Ramsey days. Overall, 3 out of 5 is the best I can give this overall.

This movie is available for streaming, and downloading and you can get "South by Southeast" by clicking here. 


Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Interview With A Milkman (1996) Review

Interview With A Milkman Poster 
There are a few tropes that come through in the world of pornography, and one of them is that of the milkman. The delivery of items to the home when a husband is away means that someone’s going to have sex. Well, in this movie from 1996, the Milkman is the center of the production. This movie comes from director Ralph Parfait, and was distributed by Vivid. It was released in 1996, and most likely was one of the movies that was once again screened through the Hot Network or Spice Cable Television. Either way, it stars some names you know, and some that you may not know. This movie stars, Madelyn Night, Laura Palmer, Jon Dough, Kimberly Kummings, Bobby Vitale, Sindee Coxx, and Steve Drake. The movie that we are going to review today is none other than, “Interview With A Milkman” from 1996.

We are greeted with the familiar Vivid Video introduction, and I love it. “You’re watching a Vivid feature presentation” is how we start things off, then we go straight into the credits. It says that this is a Paul Thomas production, and the graphics show up. We have a little ragtime tune starting, and we see a woman pouring milk all over her nude body. I’m assuming it’s Madelyn Night, but I’m not sure. If it is her, she is thin, soaked in milk, has large breasts, and is bathed in dark light. The opening isn’t so much a milk bath as much as it is a girl showering herself with a glass bottle of milk. This movie was written by Guillermo Brown, by the way. It’s an introduction that really is a throw back to the old days.

The movie goes onto show that it has film grain. I love when porno has film grain, and we see a man getting pushed through on a wheel chair. He pulls out a cigarette, and we start an interview. We see a glass of milk show up, and a random dude starts talking into a recorder. This is a nursing home, from what I can tell. The old man says that he was a good milkman in his younger days, and he starts to talk about his story. “I was the greatest milk delivery man in the world”. We then see a driver going around town delivering things door to door and we are thrown into the movie.

We see the delivery guy talking to a couple of women, and he asks if he can help with carrying a few things for the women. We then get moving forward with seeing the milk delivery guy just go through the motions as usual. The story goes through well enough, and there’s not much to this other than seeing that our Milk Delivery Man is top delivery guy, and he gets a silver medal at one point from Steve Drake. This is a high end production. You do not just get thrown into sex, you are thrown into a real story. The film grain gives a lot here, and I enjoy that aspect of it.

As the story goes, we see the delivery man enter his truck and there’s a glove filled with chocolate milk in it, and it starts to spray all over him. He then says he has to change his uniform. Meanwhile, at the offices of the milk delivery service, an angry caller wants Joey, the delivery guy to show up and deliver, and of course the secretary says he will go out there soon enough.

At around the 13 minute mark, we get the first taste that this is a porno movie. It features Madelyn Night as the secretary. Madelyn Night is a thin brunette with large breasts, tanned skin, and a trimmed pubic mound. She pulls out a vibrator and dips it in milk, and starts to masturbate for the camera. A soft jazz tune comes on, and we are taken into the fullness of her solo work. She is a beautiful woman, and the show here is a solo masturbating act. The soft jazz music and the overall production value of this scene makes it one of the more erotic scenes I’ve reviewed in a long time. You hear her moan, she drinks a little milk, and just uses her vibrator for the majority of the scene, and that’s it. It’s a good sequence with art and sex mixed in for good measure.

The camera cuts to a delivery, and it’s Joey. He comes into the home, and picks up an empty glass bottle, and then starts to look around to see if anyone is home. He creeps through the house and picks up empty milk bottles, trying to figure out if anyone is home, and trying not to make any noise. Hen then stumbles in on Jon Dough and Laura Palmer.

He sticks around to just watch what is going on.

Laura Palmer bends over, and Jon Dough starts to spank her. Laura Palmer is a blonde haired, thin, tall, small breasted woman. She has model features, and she wears high heels for the start of this part. Dough spanks her until her butt starts turning red. All the while the Milkman watches. What I like about this scene is that it starts with dry humping. It completely starts with fully clothed, dry humping, spanking, and movement that is not nudity. In fact, it’s a way to get the actors to get a little more chemistry, and I like that part. After some dry humping, Palmer gets on her knees and starts to blow Jon Dough. He gets hard right away, and she just goes in on him, while a jazzy number starts to play. The set has an all wood wall, and looks like a den at a cabin somewhere, while the couch is a light brown color. Dough wears sunglasses as Palmer blows him, and it’s a slow, casual start to their sex, after the dry humping. After the blow job, we get some oral returned, then right into doggy style with no condom. Palmer moans, and Dough seems to have an urgency about getting forward progress into the sex. Palmer’s pale skin, blonde hair, and long legs really make for a hot scenario here. After a few positions, Palmer goes reverse cowgirl, and then Dough cups on her pubic mound, which is trimmed. That ends the scene, and that’s it. The scene is quite sensual, and definitely doesn’t feel like a robotic sequence, which is a great thing. The two genuinely shared a moment in this one, including Dough slapping his penis on Palmer’s pubic area after the sex.

The delivery guy keeps going on his route, and we see him going through the motions, nothing special. It continues the larger story arc of course. He ends up getting back to his truck nd there’s Kimberly Kummings waiting for him. She says that she wants special treatment, and while he declines at first, the two go in for a kiss and we are off to the races.

Bobby Vitale is the main guy here, and Kimberly Kummings throws herself at him. Kummings is a large breasted brunette, and she looks older in this scene, compared to Palmer. She is a great contrast to the blonde in the previous scene, and the two get right to action. Kummings gets on her knees and blows Vitale immediately, giving him a sense of urgency to start. The starting point here has some great jazz music, and the two are doing it in the parking lot, on a delivery truck. She has large breasts, tanned skin, and a thin frame. For the sex, it starts in reverse cowgirl, and just goes forward with some moaning from Kummings, and robotic movements from Vitale overall. She squeezes her oversized breasts, and does a little bit of talking, amidst moaning overall. The music subsides, and the camera fixes in on the action, although this time there’s a condom in plain view. She’s trimmed, with pubic hair on her mound, and the two just go through the motions, getting robotic at the 39 minute mark. There’s anal at the 41 minute mark, and doggy style, with an eventual money shot on Kumming’s backside, for the finish, and that’s it. Vitale doesn’t deliver a huge load, but it’s enough for the sequence overall.

Something sinister occurs here. Someone is changing the regular milk for chocolate milk! Or what appears to be chocolate milk, or something that is tainted.

We see Steve Drake and Madelyn Night kissing, and then we get a cancellation. Night and Drake discuss some issues with the business, cancellations, and they start to get back to the kissing. Steve Drake is a veteran, of course, and we see Madelyn Night earlier as a single performer. This is a little more sensual, with lots of kissing to start, and just chemistry that you would get from a couples movie, not a hardcore porno.

Drake puts Night on a wooden desk and gives her oral in a well lit office space. That’s the starting point of the sex, and it gets underway at around the 49 minute mark. A nice jazz number starts up as the two go in for oral. The music gets turned up a lot, but so does the sounds of the sex. The sound design in this movie is very odd. Whomever did the levels was not accurate. Drake takes Night and starts doggy style, and there’s a notable condom as Night asks for him to do it harder and harder. The angle is interesting, as it is trying to hide the condom, but there was definitely one there. After a position change it looks like Drake doesn’t have a condom on any longer, at least at the 51 minute mark. This could be a blooper or two different scenes edited together in the same space. Either way, the sex is robotic, and formulaic. The two don’t have that much chemistry and it shows. I can confirm that there is no condom after going doggy style, and I’m not sure why that was. Drake finishes on Night’s pubic mound, but she has a look of disgust at first.

After some time we see Vitale getting yelled at back at the office. He is then back on the job, and he continues to go on his way, until Sindee Coxx asks for help.

Sindee Coxx is a blonde haired woman with big breasts, and a storied career in porn. She takes her clothes off, and gets on her knees to service Vitale. The blow job here is deliberate, slow, and steady. It’s nothing special, just straight forward, and Vitale isn’t even hard at first. The director moves the camera around so that you don’t see that action, but you can tell he’s not all the way there yet, so Coxx really has to work for this one. After a little 69, the two end up going at it on a picnic table, and Coxx is wearing nothing but a pair of knee high black boots. Vitale goes all in here, and the two are very close together for the scene, but at the 57 minute mark, you hear the director’s instructions! I kid you not! Coxx moans, and the two switch positions. I don’t see a condom in this one, and it appears to be anal at one point, and it’s not a terrible sequence at around the 59 minute mark. There’s a robotic element to this, although Coxx seems to enjoy the process a little. At one point Vitale chokes her hard, and you can see Coxx not really into it, but if you like hard pounding, there’s a sequence here for you as Vitale goes nuts at a few spots. The edits are rough here, the cuts are insane, and after the hour mark, Coxx seems to just give in to the movement. After a bit of work, Vitale cums on Coxx’s stomach and she moans a little. She’s almost completely shaved for this one.


For the final two sequences we are split screened. There is equal time spent with Madelyn Night and Sindee Coxx having sex with some chocolate milk as a momentum push, and we see Laura Palmer and Bobby Vitale having sex as well. The lighting int he Palmer and Vitale scene is blown out, with a lot of direct light, and shadows that show that this is a set. Palmer really goes in hard on her blow job this time, and it really makes up for the rest of the movie, which was a little robotic. As for Coxx and Night, the two are sensual, kissing, caressing and using their hands to go through the motions of lesbian sex. It’s not a bad sequence, mind you, and it has more passion than the other sex scenes that the two were in during this movie. After seeing them do oral, for a while, we are taken back to the den, and there’s no condom for the sex, as Palmer rides Vitale for the finish of this movie. The sex is adequate here, a little rough, but nothing crazy, with Palmer seemingly enjoying the process a bit. She reminds me of an old boss I once had, so the fantasy was real in this one. Vitale cums on her chin, and then in runs Jon Dough to discover them.

Dough runs after him. Then we are sent to the backyard of the house where Coxx and Night are. The movie runs through, and out of the blue we see Night and Vitale driving and boom, they cash into each other, and that is that. We see that Vitale’s character gets back to being the best employee, and then we are taken back to the interview.

We see an interview with the Milkman, and we hear that America has changed completely, and that the Milkman job is no longer great, and the rest of the degrading of American culture was due to the stop of milkman delivery.

I give “Interview With A Mlikman” a 3 out of 5.


Out of all the scenes, only 2 of them really spoke to me, and they were involving Laura Palmer. I’ll have to really look into more of her work, as she is definitely a shining light in this one. Other than that, it’s a serviceable movie with good film grain, a few interesting notes, but robotic, short sex scenes with a blooper thrown in for good measure.


Sunday, October 14, 2018

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) Review

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) DVD Cover
Today we are going back to the 1990s. This time around we are going to be looking at a movie from Wicked Pictures and directed by Fred Lincoln. I have no doubt that this was one of the many movies that I saw on the Spice Network, when I was a teenager. The movie is from 1995, and it features a cast of performers you may know very well. The cast includes, Stephanie Swift, Vince Vouyer, PJ Sparxx, Colt Steel, Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong, Roxanne Hall, John Decker, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. These are main players in the world of adult cinema at the time, and if you are familiar with 1990s porno, then you know these people already. This movie was released in 1995, and was distributed by Wicked Pictures, and the production value shows that from the starting line, only to get moving forward to a movie that has 5 scenes. So let’s go to the 1990s and see how this all plays out, in the movie, “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx”.

The movie starts with a party scene, and in this scene we see Vince Vouyer dancing a bit. He is a stripper, and at the 5 minute mark, we realize that this is a porno, because he takes his underwear down, and Stephanie Swift is there to service him.

Stephanie Swift begins the scene with a blow job on Vince Vouyer, and her technique is grand. The brunette star has changed in recent years, as she’s now an advocate against sex abuse, and porn, but here she is performing at her prime with Vouyer in a toned, shaven state. The music is a classical mix of new wave jazz, and bass sounds. The set is a warehouse somewhere in porn valley, and honestly, it’s like any other den or living room scene, with a light colored couch, made of leather, and lighting that hides the boom mic here and there. The lighting is fine, the overall sequence is good, and if you’re a fan of Swift, you’ll love the length of her blow job for this sex starting point. A condom gets put on, and we see Swift start with cowgirl, facing Vouyer directly on the couch, and bouncing slowly until she starts to moan. There’s a good editing quality here, as the camera moves through various angles, all with a nice shadow of lighting from the perspective of where the director and cameras are. The two go through different positions, but eventually Vouyer can’t hold on, takes off the condom, and cums on Swift’s face. It goes up her nose at one point, and she stays in the scene, eyes closed, and that’s it. She blows him upside down at one point, and that makes this a stellar opener, even if the keyboard and guitar work takes me out of the show.

The movie moves forward, and we see P.J Sparxx asleep on the same couch. In comes John Decker in a suit and tie. The movie then goes forward to set up a simple plot, where Decker is not satisfied with his sex life. He talks to a girl, then we are taken to a bedroom set, very much a standard set that I’ve seen from Wicked Pictures. PJ Sparxx is in latex now, and talks to Armstrong about getting kinky. John Decker says, no. So then she goes to the kitchen and starts to write a letter to someone she wants, of course, not John Decker. This is a kitchen set, and it looks semi-real here, so maybe it’s not just a warehouse somewhere. She seems an envelope and sends it away, and that’s that.

After some time we see Sparxx in an office, and in walks Colt Steel. She says that she wants some action, and throws herself at Steel. He obliges, and starts to undress. This is in an office, and we see PJ Sparxx full body here. She’s thin, has large breasts, is blonde, and tan. She has a great body for the 1990s porn world, and Steel is cut out of, well, steel. He looks like he should be on the cover of a romance novel. Sparxx opens up her blouse to reveal her large breasts and steel immediately goes to sucking on them, and we venture into foreplay. The music here is all bass and some jazz notes, but mostly synth and bass heavy moments of jazz. Sparxx starts things off with a blow job, before Steel gets to give her oral. She’s shaven for the most part, with a slight amount of hair on her pubic mound, and the show continues with some nice oral close ups. The sex is tame, all things considered. Sparxx has black heels on, and she’s really loud during this one, as Steel goes through the motions of protected sex while she masturbates at the same time. She has such a loud, high pitched moan that it becomes a little annoying. Steel is concentrating, not passionate, robotic, and the lighting here throws a lot of shadows into the mix. There’s minimal passion here, and a little less chemistry between the two. Sparxx is glassy eyed at the 30 minute mark, and it just seems forced at times, almost like when hiring an escort and it’s just not that grand. She bends over at one point, and they go doggy style for a minute or two before Steel has to cum and lets go on her butt. Visually this is an ok scene, but it lacks the passion that the first scene had, so it is a diminished scene. Plus, Steel is more muscle than penis, so if you’re expect a hung guy, he’s not that big. At least not in comparison to his muscles, so there’s that.

The scene ends, and we are taken back to the house where we see Sparxx in a wig just talking, and what not. There’s a little bit of attention given to the scene, with talking, and then we are taken to another set. This time it’s a living room, and there’s a studio light in the left hand corner in full view! Oh man, there’s also a gear bag left under the foyer, and you see a full display of lighting left to be seen. Now, while Anna Malle is in one area, we see PJ Sparxx making a salad, and then a door bell that keeps ringing and ringing. Anna Malle is a hot woman, by the way, she passed away due to an auto accident from what I heard. But she’s tan, has large breasts, and is quite hot. I’ve always liked her enthusiasm, and in this one, she opens the door, and in comes Hank Armstrong to kiss her and the two passionately begin. All the while Pj Sparxx is making a salad, then she walks in on the two, and just looks on, with a smirk.

Anna Malle takes her panties off with the help from Hank Armstrong, then gets fingered to start the scene. She has her signature tan lines, and mostly shaved pubic region, and the two begin against a wall. The rock music in this scene is horrible, and takes me out of the scene right away. The light is hilarious on the left, and it casts some serious shadows where it shouldn’t be. The living room has a floral couch, white walls, and Armstrong goes down to oral right away. I should note that Anna Malle has her own panties in her mouth as she moans at what Armstrong is doing, although very calculated, and somewhat robotic. She eventually gets on her knees and blows Armstrong, and it’s the best one I’ve seen in a while. Anna Malle always seemed to enjoy this sort of thing, and she’s been in documentaries saying such things. There’s no condom here, and Anna Mall goes for doggy style on a floral couch, and she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it that much. She says a few dirty things, and Armstrong does his job, but it’s pretty much a robotic sexual transaction. It is also blown out with light, and the two just don’t seem to connect like I would expect. The director probably fell asleep at one point. Towards the 45 minute mark, we see anal start, and if you look at Anna Malle’s eyes and her direction she is looking for cues from the director, and it’s awful. It’s the most robotic sex scene I’ve seen in a long time. These two have no chemistry, and it’s just purely sexual. After some anal, Armstrong cums on Malle’s butt, then goes back into her, and she talks nasty, but geez, she’s not enthused here, and it truly is nothing short of transactional, like an escort, even with the final kisses. This is perhaps one of the worst modern sex scenes I’ve seen in terms of passion or lack of it.

We move along. We see John Decker hanging out in a bedroom and Roxanne Hall is dancing. Decker watches Hall undress, and she’s a somewhat tall, skinny, all natural young woman. Decker is in his underwear and in a bedroom set. He talks about how he got fired because his wife cheated with his boss, Roxanne Hall plays an escort, and wants to help Decker relax a little. So she begins with a blow job. Roxanne Hall gets oral John Decker, in a random bedroom, with green comforters and shadows all around as the lighting is coming from various sources. The shadows here are tough. At around 55 minutes, the two do 69, which is always a cool little spot, and the two seem to go through the motions in this scene. At the 58 minute mark, we go straight for anal, and there’s no condom. If you’re a fan of anal, you’ll like this one, as at one point Hall even screams, “John”, which is the actor’s real name. As for Decker, he does adequately here, hard, and penetrating anal, with some lube, and no condom. It’s only anal here, nothing big, and eventually Hall gets a facial, and that’s it. This is a good scene, with bad music, and interesting lighting, but Decker seems to have to hold onto his erection with his hand, and eventually just cums on Hall’s face, and mouth and that’s that. It’s ok, at best.

The final scene features three women on a hammock. They have toys, it’s got an upbeat jazzy tune, and it features PJ Sparxx, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. This has natural light, and lots of it, as they are outdoors, and it is mostly just oral and toys. Nothing big here, just two blondes and a redhead. It’s perhaps one of the more boring scenes as the sound design takes a major dip here, and you barely here the moaning. The music is put on blast here, and the women seem ok with what they are doing, and seem to moan a bit, with toys etc. It’s a lengthy threeway lesbian scene, but it’s far from “great”. The scene ends with Decker walking in on the threesome, and shaking his head.

I give “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” a 2 out of 5.

One great scene doesn’t make for a stellar porno, and that’s all you really get for this one if you ask me. Now, as I always say, I’m just one man with one opinion. If you’re a fan of Sparxx, then you may love this one, and of course, if you’re a fan of Stephanie Swift, you’ll love the opening sequences. She does well in it.

You can purchase “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” by clicking here, or streaming it at the same site.


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