Sperma-Lust (1991) Review

Caroyl Lynn's "Sperma-Lust" from 1991

For this review we are going to 1991. Back to when the cover made you want to rent a movie, and see something sexy. That being said, this movie takes us to a foreign land, to see Carol Lynn, Dirk Braeter, Eric Benson, Corinne Helner, Dietmar Z, Marine Cartier, and Gabriel Pontello in the classic, “Sperma-Lust”. I don’t know anything about this movie, other than it’s a foreign movie, and it has film grain, and looks like a real movie, not just a gonzo flick. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be any good, etc. It’s in a foreign language as well, so I can’t really speak to what they are saying. This movie was directed by Harr S. Morgan, and was distributed by Videorama. It was part of the Carol Lynn Pictures company, and was released in 1991.

We move forward to a scene where Carol Lynn is playing chess with an old man. She is getting thrown out of a home, and then the old man is helping her. We move in and out of different scenes that is in her imagination, and it involves sexual fantasies, and a random dude talking over cum shots, and random moments that are to come. This is an odd introduction of sorts, but the music isn’t half bad. Carol Lynn looks like a sister of Traci Lords, blonde hair, innocent looking face, and natural breasts. She has that European look, slightly open mouth, nice bright eyes, and an innocent look to her that makes this an interesting movie.

As Carol Lynn walks through her home, a random short dude shows up. He looks like Mtv’s Beavis, and brings her a phone. On the phone it’s a dude speaking German, I think. I can’t tell the language, sorry. But she listens to the phone, and then gets instructions, while the due just waits on her. I’m assuming it’s a butler. Carol Lynn sits down, and Dirk Braeter gets to his knees, and we get some soft piano music to start the sex. Carol Lynn is not shaved, and she starts getting oral from Dirk. Dirk has full pubic hair too, and he seems to please Lynn with relative ease. There’s a techno beat that starts, and the two engage in the most robotic of sex, with barely a moan from Lynn, and Dirk looking like he’s just lucky to get some, which makes this first sex scene a bit problematic on several levels. At this point, I start to realize that the set is not bad, the lighting is good, and the film grain makes this movie look more important than it really is. However, I found the sex itself, the pure sex to be boring. I get it, a millionaire is on the phone and wants to listen to the sounds of sex, but it’s mechanical and boring to say the last. There are multiple positions, and the background tapestry is cool, but Lynn’s subtle moaning, and final cum shot on her chest was just not worth price of admission. I got bored, and well, that’s not a good thing for a movie, but I must admit the set design is killer, so there’s that.

We move to another part of the mansion. I can only assume we are in a mansion, because Carol Lynn goes outside for a swim, and it’s still on the property. Lynn swims up towards Eric Benson and a blonde having sex on a diving board. The woman is only credited as “Girl”, but she’s a skinny blonde with medium size breasts, while Carol Lynn comes through with a black one piece swimsuit. Benson gets blown until Lynn comes in and starts to go with the lady and blow him, getting a duel blow job, and the techno music begins again. The scene is outdoors, has an orange tint, and is a little more enthusiastic compared to the previous scene. The girl is not fully lesbian, and it shows, with Carol Lynn forcing some of the movements here and there. Benson goes from position to position easily, he’s fully shaved, and anal looks good, but the women try to make it a little smoother, and it’s just not good. Lynn keeping her bathing suit on is still fascintaing, but the sex is just between Benson and the girl with no credit. After the cum shot, Lynn swims away, and that’s it. The camera shows Lynn going away and going back into her house.

Inside the mansion, Lynn goes and moves a chess piece, and then just looks at a list, and that’s it. It’s fascinating to see how pretty she is in a one piece swimsuit, in a porno that is meant to be far more sexy.

She goes out of a door and there’s a woman there with bondage gear. She hands it over to Lynn and she starts to get dressed. The two women go down to a garden area, and that’s where a woman in red fishnets is getting plowed by a random dude, while two other guys are masturbating. The performers here include, Christina Stevens, Carol Lynn, Corinne Hefner, Dietmar Z., Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson. There’s some techno coming through, and then we see the guys take turns with the woman, going in and out. Only one woman has sex here, and after the guys cum, it turns into a lesbian scene.

After the orgy, out Christian Stevens, a tall blonde, and Carol Lynn start to make out and have sex. The two start to kiss one another, then go into oral, and more. It’s a lesbian sex scene that seems to be more prominent than the other solutions overall. It’s a short scene, and does’nt get too hardcore before Lynn decides to leave.

Going forward, we see two women talking, and after some chess games, in comes in Dirk Braeter again, and this time he gets hard with Christina Stevens. Christina Stevens wears a tight black leather dress, and has big hair, and she pulls it up and lets Dirk get in from the rear. She moans a bit more than Lynn, and the two get started in doggystyle, while standing. The setting here is a real kitchen, with obvious German elements, including glasses, pots and pans, and more. The two go through three different positions, and eventually Dirk cums on Stevens’ pubic hair, and that’s it.

After the kitchen sex, we see Marine Cartier walks into a hallway, and there are two naked guys waiting for her. She’s fully shaved, and she gets on a small tuffet and starts to suck off Dirk Braeter and Eric Benson. She’s passionate here, the music shifts, and it’s not bad. Cartier has black hair, is thin, fully shaved, and has a unique look. Meanwhile, Christina Stevens watches on, and gets heated. The sex is fine, there’s anal, and there’s oral, and out comes Stevens to help too, but before it ended, we get cut to see Stevens talking to Lynn, and then back to the sex. The return sees double penetration, with Marine Cartier getting it in two holes, while Stevens gets in close to watch. This is somewhat slow moving, and just goes forward, if you’re a fan of DP, then you’ll like how this scene turns out, with the juxtaposition of Stevens’ fingernail polish, the two guys going in and out, and the camera staying in the action. Christina Stevens, Marine Cartier, Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson goes well here. The DP cums ends with cumming in both holes, well outside of the holes and that’s it.

The sex stops for a whlie, and we are sent back to the ktichen where Caroly Lynn and Christina Stevens start to talk and just speak to the past, and the future. They talk lovingly.

After the talking, Dietmar Z. Shows up and he’s naked, and hard. Carol Lynn starts to jack him off a little, and then sucks his cock. She is enthused here, and Z really gets up for it, as Lynn starts to really get into it, then he shoves aside a few things, and the two start to have sex on the table. The dud’s facial hair is epic here, and he’s not big, he’s just wide, and goes all in on Lynn. THis is a short sex scene, finished off by Z cumming on Lynn’s chest, and that’s it. Lynn moans a lot more here, and that’s that. The same kitchen set as before, mind you. After Z cums he leaves, and Stevens comes back to the ktichen to see what is going on, and rubs the cum all over Lynn’s chest.

After these scenes, Lynn is thrown out of the mansion, and runs into Gabriel Pontello. He gives her some sweet talk, and she gets on her hands and knees to blow him. The two stand up, kiss, and Lynn’s top comes down a little, then we see some stand up doggy to end the film, in a short manner. Pontello and Lynn have a short minor sex scene, with a lot of focus on Lynn’s moans and hand as Pontello pounds aay into a finish line that is somewhat less about passion and more about completing the task, and eventually cums, while Lynn furiously masturbates at the same time. SHe moans and nearly screams at one point, and that’s the end, end of the line.

I give “Sperma-Lust” a 2 out of 5.

This is not a great movie. The film grain is good, Lynn is attractive, but the sex overall is just robotic, with the sole exception being the 9 minute ending, which Lynn really gets into because she masturbates at the same time she’s getting pounded, and Pontello keeps pushing until he can’t hold on any longer. The director’s editing sucks, the music is horrible, and the lighting is hit and miss. However, as far as a European sex film, it works, and in a bind, you’ll probably like it.

Teenage Cowgirls (1973) Review

Teenage Cowgirls (1973) Poster

Well we go back to 1973, and this time around we are going to be reviewing a golden age porno. These don’t always age well, but they give you insight into the movies that people would go to movie theaters to watch. With that in mind, let’s take a look at a classic, from 1973 titled, “Teenage Cowgirls”. This movie was directed by Ted Denver, and was distributed by Vide-X-Pix. The stars in this one include Amanda Blake, Brenda Day, Lilly Foster, John Holmes, Sally Withers, Adam Ward, and Charles Orlando. However, there are some “faceless” people too, and some that didn’t get any credits, so I can’t really do much about that one. The movie is old, I don’t think there are many historians other than myself writing about these movies, so I’m going to just go with the information that I can gather. Pour yourself a stiff drink, and settle in for a 1973 movie that features the famed, John Holmes.

I love the credits on these movies. They are always looking like “real” movies, and they aren’t just gonzo pictures that get thrown into the VHS player. There’s a cinema score, and there’s music that accompanies all of this as well. I find that to be endearing. The movie starts with an old boom town. You see an old wooden building and it says, “Luck Dollar Casino”, with a horse out front, and nothing more than a façade. You really get that this is a ghost town, and it has long lost the positive push forward. You start to hear some moaning, and the camera starts to move into the action.

Starting the sex, we see John Holmes in doggy style with a random woman. He is in full deep, and just keeps going forward, with the theme song playing the backdrop. The two are wearing Western themed clothing, and it’s 1970s, so no one is shaved, and it’s just straight forward sex. There’s a very lackluster money shot at the end, and it looks forced, with Holmes cumming on the woman’s back, and that’s it. He puts his pants back on, and that’s it. This may be the worst opening to a porno movie ever made, and it really is poor production, and poorly focused. Wow, what a terrible job.

From that point forward, Holmes walks away and says thank you. We then get our second song of the feature, and Holmes gets his horse and seemingly takes off. That’s it. We see a random man coming to town on a horse. He gets off the horse and starts to walk into a barn. The music fades, and we just see a rugged man holding onto his gun. He asks where the 12 by 12 bandit. He then starts to unbutton his shirt, only to say, he’ll be back, and that he doesn’t have enough time to move forward with a woman. Another country music song starts, and the random fighter rides along.

We then get forward progress to another scene. We see two random dudes talking, and then Holmes shows up and takes a woman on his shoulder. He puts her on his shoulder, and she protests a little, before Holmes puts out a blanket inside a barn. He then says he is going to have sex with the woman. She reluctantly sits down, and Holmes pulls down his pants.

This grainy scene features Lilly Foster and John Holmes starting to have sex, at around the 12 minute mark. We start with a blow job, and you see the size of Holmes. Although, he doesn’t seem to be getting too hard early on. The two exchange oral, then get into the sex. You can’t really see a whole lot, and Holmes doesn’t last more than a few minutes before he cums on Ward, and that’s it. This is a lackluster display, and really just bored me. There’s no passion to this, at all. It is just kind of there. Holmes gives you a money shot, but meh, it doesn’t produce much. You get another western song underneath the scene and that’s it.

We see John Holmes and another dude just riding horses, when they come upon a couple of African American women. They just watch as Adam Ward gets into action with one of them. We then get moving into an interracial scene, and if features Adam Ward getting a blow job, and then getting into just oral in a barn. The scene is just oral, and that’s it. It’s not that long, and it’s kind of grainy, making it hard to see what is going on.

Up next we see Charles Orlando with the other African American woman, and this is another mainly oral scene. There’s a money shot, but honestly, there’s not much to this. There’s a little bit of reverse cowgirl, but overall, this doesn’t really go too hot and heavy. There’s a good country western song underneath, and they do have sex outdoors, but overall, this is as boring as a married couple doing it on a Thursday night.

The screen fades and we are taken to see Lilly Foster and John Holmes outside again. The two discuss having sex, and they start to work a little bit more into the nudity. Lilly Foster is completely nude here, and has a young body. She is not shaved, she is thin, has long black hair, and of course John Holmes is, well you know. This is boring, it’s mostly missionary, but you get a few splices between the previous sex scene and this one. This time around, John Holmes is completely hard and he goes all in with Lilly Foster, so that’s a sight to see.

Out in a field we see Charles Orlando with another African American girl, and the two have a quick sex scene. It’s so quick that I almost missed it when I was reviewing this movie. It’s lackluster at best, and honestly, not worth even taking anything out of your pants for. You hear no moaning, no motion, just see the action and a few moments for the money shot.

We then see the gunslinger from the opening of the film creeping up on a lady. He is going to shoot, but then gets thwarted by someone else. The scenes move forward with no major motion, and we then go to a barn where one of the African American women sucks of John Holmes. That’s it. It’s just a blow job scene, and nothing major.

The movie climaxes with a gun fight. John Holmes shoots, and that’s it. It’s the worst acting job I’ve ever seen. Ugh, this is a terrible movie.

I give “Teenage Cowgirls” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst porno movie I’ve ever seen. There’s lackluster plotting, acting, and sex. It’s a movie that is most likely part of a double feature at a movie theater, and well, it is what it is. It’s a far cry from the stuff that Deep Throat and others were doing that’s for sure.

Trinity Brown (1984) Review

Trinity Brown (1984) Poster 

We now venture back to the 1980s, and we review an AVN Award winning movie that was filmed on full blown Hollywood style cameras, and was released to movie theaters that played adult features. From the start, you don’t get a sense that this is a porno, you think you’re settling in for a movie that was featured in grindhouse cinemas. It’s a testament to how great some of the 1980s porno movies were, and how different today’s gonzo productions are, which I personally dislike. I want story with my porno. Anyways, “Trinity Brown” is the name of this 1984 classic, and it starts off with one hell of a sequence, and some great moments. If you’re a fan of story with your porno, then settle in for this one. The movie stars Tamara Longley, Joey Silvera, Colleen Brennan, John Leslie, Melanie Scott, Kimberly Carson, and Jamie Gillis.

The movie starts out with a couple of cops chasing a truck, they finally get to their culprit, and they shoot him, and cuff him. This is not without a quick fight, featuring a nice trash can shot, which brought me back to ECW. It’s here that the two cops are introduced, and after the arrest, we are sent to another scene. The next scene features a couple dancing in a large home. They dance a bit and Joey Silvera says that he wants to get some action, but before we get to the sex, we see a few people in an alley setting up an illegal poker game.

The scene cuts, and we are treated to Tamara Longley blowing Joey Silvera in a bed. They are both nude, unshaved, and the lighting is quite good for the time. The music is a deep funk tune. The two have a bit of chemistry, and while Silvera is not huge, he certainly gets hard for this one. Tamara Longley is an all natural brunette, unshaved, and quite erotic through the motions with Silvera. No condoms here folks, just straight forward sex, and it’s simple. The set is a warehouse set, with a nice bed, and the sex doesn’t last too long, although it’s hardcore. It eventually ends with Silvera cumming on Longley’s chest, and she comes back to lick things up after the fact, making this a hot scene. I need to remind that this is NOT a long scene, although it is hardcore, it is only part of a larger plot.

After the sex is done, the two are found to be cheating. Silvera says that Longley’s husband is home early and that never happens. Silvera then struggles to put his clothes on and then runs out the back of the house. Meanwhile a gun is shown and boom, what appears to be Silvera getting shot, occurs.

The scene shifts, and we see John Leslie and Colleen Brennan talking together. She goes topless, and the two start to kiss. Colleen Brennan is a tall dirty blonde with big breasts, and all natural, while Leslie is a star from the 1980s and was around the time a lot of other big names were getting known. The two start to work through what should be a sex scene, but nope. A phone call stops them. They don’t have sex, mind you. The call is from the cops and they ask for Brennan’s character, the titular character to come investigate. She shows up at the mansion, and it’s not Silvera that is shot, it’s her husband, Tony. That’s right, Tony is shot dead and was found floating in the pool. This turns into a detective story, and it’s really good overall. The plot works through like a cable television movie, with sex. This is something that isn’t half bad.

The next sequence starts, and it’s finally time to see Colleen Brennan and John Leslie getting hot. Collen Brennan, as stated is a dirty blonde, or rather a blonde hair because her drapes match the curtains so to speak. The scene starts with Leslie giving her oral, and her going topless, then goes towards the bed, which is in a bedroom set. There’s soft piano music playing, and Leslie gets hard immediately, putting it into Brennan right away. This is a sensual sex scene, which is hardcore, mind you, but it lacks that porno feel, which is probably why this won an award as it features a story, sensual sex play, and hardcore showcasing. As a sex scene, this is kind of boring, slow motions, some nipple sucking, and Leslie slowly moving back and forth with his hips. This is a slow scene, but it finishes quickly, as Leslie doesn’t hold on for long, and ends up cumming in Brennan’s face. She moans and seems to get off a little, but not nearly as long as you’d expect, and the scene just kind of ends.

We next see the two cops in a bedroom just talking, when the phone rings. They call in Trinity Brown to investigate a new occurrence, and the two get out of bed and go to the scene.

Meanwhile, Joey Silvera is at a strip club, watching a blonde-haired woman dance topless. Which then switches to an apartment building. This is a sex scene that features Melanie Scott, a thin topless dancer with heels on, and Joey Silvera wearing a leather jacket. She starts to blow Joey, and he just receives oral nicely, with no music in the background, just the sounds of sucking. The interior set is a motel looking area that appears to be in Los Angeles somewhere. Nothing fancy here, and nothing too complex. There is a bit of music that comes in midway through the blow job. It’s drum driven 1980s music, and it leads to the two getting started with some sex. On a tiger print blanket, Joey and Melanie start to have sex, and this is a bit more frantic and fast forward than the other sex scenes in the movie up to this point. There’s no money shot here, it just kind of ends, although there are multiple positions. It’s not a great sex scene, but it works for the movie’s premise, I guess.

The sequence ends and Joey Silvera is found in an alley, and Leslie and Brennan show up and try to arrest Silvera. Silvera pulls a knife and says he’s innocent. The movie then switches back to detective mode, as the cops drive through the Los Angeles area. This time it’s John Leslie, solo, however. Leslie is looking for an actress and he is going to ask a few questions about what is going on. He interviews Kimberly Carson, and the two strike up some chemistry, which leads to sex.

Kimberly Carson and John Leslie go straight into sex on a movie set, with a backdrop of smooth jazz. Kimberly is a dirty blonde with full pubic hair, and Leslie once again shows his slow, methodical sensual sexual side. Carson moans a little, Leslie and her kiss a great deal, and the camera draws back to show that they are in a bathroom, not the movie set. Leslie is a slow moving sexual partner, and in this one, you can’t really see much of his penis, so I can’t tell you if he’s huge, but he seems to last a bit longer here than in the previous scene. It’s a methodically slow, boring sex scene, with a money shot that has Leslie cumming on Carson’s stomach, and that’s it. It’s not grand at all.

Up next, we see John Leslie talking to Trinity Brown in the office. He comes in and tells the detective that there’s something awry, and that Joey could be the killer. But the two argue, and then Leslie says he is going to talk to Tamara. In this sequence, mind you, Colleen Brennan looks to have red hair, but that’s just odd to me. Anyways, the scene shifts again, and we are given more of the plot.

Leslie shows up at the mansion that you saw early in the scene. Tamara Longley is in a black bikini, and Leslie starts to talk about how he was once a stud. She then starts to walk away, leaving Leslie alone, while she jumps into a hot tub. She invites Leslie to join her, so he takes off all of his clothes, as a 1980s pop song starts. Leslie gets hard fast, and Tamara immediately goes for it, blowing him before he can step into the hot tub fully. He’s not a big guy, he’s got a full mound of pubic hair, and Tamara shows more enthusiasm here than in the previous scene she was in. However, the director cuts the scene, and you are sent back to the public areas, instead of finishing this sex sequence.

Trinity Brown, aka Colleen Brennan shows up at a random office to talk to Jamie Gillis. She goes topless, and the two start kissing, but the camera shifts.

The scene goes back to Tamara and John Leslie having sex now. Again, this is a slow moving sex scene, and John Leslie must’ve been all about just sensuality not just raw sex. That’s not a bad thing mind you, as Tamara here really responds to his movements, and the two get through a very sexy scene. It’s sexy, but not raw and animalistic like you would expect from porno. There’s a mirror on this set as they move away from the hot tub, and the two have sex in front of it, while Tamara kisses the mirror and gets railed by Leslie.

The director cuts, and you are taken to see Jamie Gillis and Colleen Brennan in an oral position. Gillis is giving Brennan oral and she’s responding a lot better than in her previous scene. But it’s short lived because the director sends you back to the pool house.

At the pool house it’s Tamara and Leslie in doggy style, and that lasts for a couple of minutes before the director sends you back to the office. I hate when this occurs, but it works here.

Back at the office, Colleen Brennan blows Jamie Gillis and his penis is a lot bigger than the other guys in this movie. I can’t be assured if he pumps or not, but it is wider for sure. Colleen Brennan starts giving him a good blow job overall, but the director switches views again.

Back at the pool house it’s Leslie getting blown until he cums on Tamara’s face, and that’s the end of their sex scene.

The camera switches again, and this time you see the point of insertion between Jamie Gillis and Colleen Brennan. He goes in deep in doggy style at first, and she responds with moaning out right. He’s a different type of performer than Leslie, and it shows. While the music is sensual, soft keyboard jazz, the movement here is far different with Colleen Brennan getting far more into the sex than before. She even nearly screams at the 58 minute mark, and Gillis pounds away a lot harder overall. This is a good one, as Gillis pulls her hair and the two have a great deal of focus in going forward with their sex, including lots of tongue, kissing, and momentum. The two here are far more into it than the other scenes, and it appears that Gillis actually cums inside Brennan for the finish.

The sex ends and we are sent back to the mansion. It’s there that Tamara and Leslie start talking about the murder of her husband. That moves back to Brennan back to talking with different people. The cops then question Kimberly Carson on the set of a movie. The two play the good cop bad cop routine, and they start discussing what is going on with the case. Then you get more of the story, focusing on the fact that a baby was going to get killed, and that they need to know what is up.

The two detectives go to a house, and they knock on the door. They walk in guns up, as the door is open. The two detectives start walking through, snooping, and then there’s action. The action isn’t necessarily shown, at least not hardcore. You get John Leslie looking around and out of the blue an explosion occurs, and he goes down. He is told to not move, and 911 is called. The movie then goes back to the detective’s office at the police center. We find out that Leslie will be in the hospital for a week.

Trinity Brown then goes to find out where Joey Silvera is, and gets an address and phone number. She then goes around and looks into picking up a whore, and talks to her about Joey Silvera. She then gets all dressed up, teases her hair, and then goes to the strip club he frequents and starts to hit on him. She asks, “would you like to fuck me?”, and Silvera says he’s not screwing any cop. She then says that she’ll let him have some if he can give her some info. Silvera caves in, and the two get out of the strip club and go to his apartment, where the sex starts.

The sex between Colleen Brennan and Joey Silvera is a little harder and rougher than the previous sex romps in the movie. She asks Joey to rip her panties off and he does, then the two go to work in a sex scene that has a lot of chemistry, with Silvera getting extremely hard and going hard with Brennan. This is a scene that has a lot of action, with a bass line heavy funk sound. The two work well together and it nearly got me thinking, as it was a good change of pace. Multiple positions, no condoms, and a money shot that features Colleen Brennan getting cum in her breasts, as this one goes through a fast moving sex romp. It’s hot, and it works very well with Silvera holding on for dear life at one point trying to hold onto cumming eventually he can’t hold it in and cums on her breasts.

The sex ends and Trinity asks more questions. She then ends up going to the mansion from the start of the film, and that’s when we find out who’s really behind the death of Tamara’s husband, as Trinity Brown walks in on Kimberly Carson and Tamara Longley in a lesbian sex escapade. This is a soft oral scene, and it doesn’t go very far, it’s limited, and the plot thickens, and ends.

That’s the end of the movie, not a long scene, just the revelation that it was the two women that shot our main victim. The scene changes, and Trinity Brown and her partner talk about the end. That’s all, the movie ends with a detective yarn all sewn up. This was an AVN winning movie, mind you, and it truly looks good overall.

Trinity Brown (1984) Back of DVD Cover

I give “Trinity Brown” a 3 out of 5.

“Trinity Brown” may have won awards back in the 1980s, but it definitely doesn’t hold up well as a prono movie. Now, I get it, it has historical value, and it does fill that niche of couples types of movies because the plot is heavier here than other movies. However, there are only 2 major sex scenes that are really good, the rest are somewhat boring. Overall, this is a good movie to have in the collection, but it’s not going to satisfy a lot of audiences. If you like classic erotica, this is a great one to see for historical value, and to get off a little, but don’t expect marathon sex scenes, because that’s not what you get here.

You can buy “Trinity Brown” from various sources, including by clicking here and getting it on DVD. It’s a good one, just not a great one. I’d watch it again though, as it’s like a grindhouse film more than anything.

New Wave Hookers 2 (1991) Review

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Mile High Girls (1986) Review

Mile High Girls (1986) Poster and DVD Cover

Today on John G’s Dirty Movie Review we are going back to 1986 in order to review a movie with a lot of stars in it. The movie is called “Mile High Girls”. It’s a movie that caught my attention because I like the idea of the mile high club. I reviewed a movie about stewardesses and other things, and that was fine, but would this live up? I didn’t know at first, but hey, it’s my duty to watch and review these movies. “Mile High Girls” from 1986 stars Erica Boyer, Jon Martin, Porsche Lynn, John Leslie, Jim White, Viper, Tom Byron, and Joey Silvera. These are all major players in the 1980s porn world, and well, let’s see how they did it, no pun intended.

Now, I don’t know how porn sets are constructed to have such a cool look and feel. This movie starts with a real looking airplane interior. Now just any one, either, one from the 1980s. I flew in the 1980s, and 1990s, and can tell you that the interiors were way different. This was very much different, and it’s interesting to see it. Joey Silvera is seated in in an aisle seat and is brushing his teeth. He orders a drink and a stewardess drops a drink on him. He’s the best part of this movie, his acting is second to none, and it’s funny to see him interact with the women.

We move from the aisles to the cockpit. It’s here that a stewardess drops a cup of coffee on the pilot of the airplane! She freaks out and says that she can make it up to the pilot. That’s when she starts to open up the pilot’s shirt, and that’s when the two kiss, and you know what’s going to happen next. The plane goes into autopilot, and a smooth jazz sound comes in.

Erica Boyer and Jon Martin have sex in the cockpit of a commercial airliner, with a soothing jazz tune on the background. It’s interesting to see Erica, because I just saw her in a penis pumping instructional video, which was gross, and interesting all at the same time. For a 1980s porno, there’s certainly a lot of kissing. Erica Boyer is a blonde haired, medium breasted woman, and Jon Martin is your average stud. Not huge, just regular in size, if you ask me. I didn’t mention this before, but there’s film grain, and this movie was definitely meant for the silver screen, and it shows. Boyer goes to town on Martin’s penis, and he’s not shaved, giving every-man a sense that they could get in on the porno craze too. This is a sensual scene for the most part, and it’s interesting to watch Boyer work. She really seems to be into what she’s doing, while Jon Martin looks like he’s fighting not to cum as Boyer sucks and moves. She’s really sucking here, not just gliding, and this could very well be the best blow job start I’ve reviewed in on this blog thus far. After a quick blow, Boyer lays down a little and gets oral, she’s not shaved, and Martin gives it a little try, but moves to sex quickly. He bends Boyer over and the two start to work through doggy style. The directory gets you in close a bit, but it’s not nearly as much as you’d expect from modern porn. Meanwhile the co-pilot and the other stewardess is listening in in a hallway. There’s a bit of sex and it’s not bad, Boyer moans and Martin just goes through the motions. Eventually Martin finishes on Boyer’s lower back and butt, and that’s the end. He says, “Welcome to the Mile High Club”, and that’s the end of the first sex scene.

The movie continues and you see the plane arrive at an airport for a layover. Everyone empties out the plane, and that’s it for a moment. There’s some talk between the stewardesses. When everyone leaves except for the co-pilot and one of the stewardesses, the two engage in an bout of eroticism.

Porsche Lynn and Jon Leslie start making out, and they are fast moving straight into sex. This is a bit more fast paced than the first scene, and there’s a hard bop soundtrack to this. Meanwhile the camera follows Erica Boyer in the airport, which looks to be in Japan, and she’s just walking around. The director cuts back to the sex, and Jon Leslie asks for a blow job. At one point he commands, “don’t lick it, suck it”, which the director left in the movie, for another blooper. Leslie is not a big guy, mind you, and it shows. He does hold on before cumming, but it sure looks like he’s trying hard not to blow things as Lynn really works over his erection. Leslie has a lot of body hair, Lynn is a blonde haired, good looking woman, and reminds me of Ginger Lynn, of course. The two eventually get to the sex, and the director doesn’t show you a lot of penetration, just a little bit, before Leslie finally can’t hold on and cums in the face of Lynn. The best part of this scene is watching Porsche Lynn’s hair go from high and tight to loose and all over the place during the course of the sex. Other than that, this wasn’t that great, unless you like blow job finishes, in which case you’ll like how Leslie holds on just long enough to drop a load on Lynn’s face, which she seems to enjoy.

In between the sex scenes we get more dialogue from different people. We also see Erica Boyer taking photographs, and just exploring different areas. IT’s not bad, but it’s also not great either. It’s honestly just B-roll to fill the movie. Remember, this was meant to be in movie theaters, so you aren’t going to just get pure sex, you’re going to get a mix of things, and this definitely fills that void. So when you are going to see a movie in the theater, there’s sex, but there’s also b-roll and other elements to help break up the brown paper bags being used for personal reasons. In this case, Boyer seems to have almost her flight and runs into an old flame while catching a taxi.

A jazzy bass line begins in the backseat of a Taxi cab in what appears to be Hong Kong. Erica Boyer and Jim White starts to kiss, and well, that prompts the clothing to start coming off. Erica Boyer starts off with a blow job to Jim White. All while in the backseat of a taxi that’s headed to the airport in what I can only assume is Hong Kong. The driver doesn’t seem to care, as the two just go for it in the back seat. For what it’s worth, Jim White has a bigger penis than most of the other guys in this movie, and Boyer really seems to get into this scene more than the others. She eventually moves over and sits on White’s face as she blows him. This is one of the biggest taxi cab back seats ever! Eventually Boyer moves over to reverse cowgirl and the two have sex while the taxi is supposedly moving. This has to be a set. Either way, the two have some chemistry here, and it really does look good overall. Mind you, this is only 33 minutes into the film, and the two are really going to town. They seem to have a great deal of chemistry, and when White’s finished, he cums on Boyer’s pubic mound.

After this sequence, we end up back in the airplane, and two flight attendants are talking about how they are going to be flying to Macau. Then you get some more b-footage of the city and different areas. It’s interesting to see the signs from Macau, and well, one day I want to visit.

Up next the movie shifts to a club scene. It’s a live sex show in Macau. This features a lot of dancing at first, then comes through with an interesting focus.

The sex show features Buddy Love, Jason Jules, and Viper. I’ve wanted to review Viper’s movies because she’s a very tall woman with a very specific body tattoo that wasn’t seen in the 1980s porno world a lot. When I say she’s tall, I mean it, and this tattoo of a large snake is definitely something you have to see to believe. She works very well here, giving an incredible blow job, and then accepting hard cock. The sequence was said to have two guys and viper, but it starts with just one guy and one girl, then switches to another area of the movie.

The director floats to another scene, and this time it’s Porsche Lynn with big hair and a red dress. She gets on her knees and starts to work on Tom Byron. That’s right, another Tom Byron scene. Tom Byron and Porsche Lynn begin to eagerly undress and have sex in what appears to be a cheap motel. Lynn’s hair is out of control here, and Tom Byron has his signature moustache. He looks so young here, and it’s interesting see how his career kept going forward. Lucky man indeed. I’d love to interview the guy. Byron here has a bit of a sensual run with Lynn, and she gets very excited to work with him. Byron gets into the action while on top, and the two remain kissing through much of the strokes, which is kind of neat. The two are not shaved, so you get full close up of the action, and it’s quite nice to see. Tom Byron is an allstar in this scene, but it abruptly changes.

The director decides to go back to the live sex show. That’s where the third man comes in, and it’s a guy that was in the audience. He has leather pants on, and immediately takes them off and gives Viper something to suck on. The sex show turns into a threeway, and the dudes all work together to give Viper a good time. There are multiple positions here, and lots of back and forth, with a money shot on Viper’s snake tattoo, and then right in her face, before the director cuts to the Tom Byron scene.

Tom Byron at this point is in doggy style with Porsche Lynn. He really gets to work here and it’s interesting to hear her moan while Byron goes to town. Lynn really gets excited here, and is wet, while Byron’s youth takes over, and showcases why he’s one of the premier porn stars from the 1980s. This is a sweaty, casual sex scene that enhances the pleasure of both the viewer and the two getting it on. The cheap motel vibe aside, the music is good, Lynn’s red lingerie is nice to see, and the two seem to actually be enjoying the process of making this, with a lot of positions, and moaning. Eventually this one ends with Lynn blowing Tom Byron getting a blow job then a hand job, but no money shot. Not sure why they decided on that.

The movie goes forward to the airplane. The flight attendants talk while Joey Silvera keeps bugging them.

The camera then shows you some more B-footage. Eventually showing you a scene where Erica Boyer and Porsche Lynn seem to be in an apartment together. This is a classic 1980s set, with too many plants for some reason, and tacky interior design. The two women go into a shower and start to make out, and play with one another in a somewhat awkward and somewhat forced lesbian scene. Sure it works, but it’s lackluster compared to the rest of the movie. It is almost like a softcore porno movie, if you ask me, with a few notes of hardcore here and there. Nothing great, nothing terrible, just two blondes taking a shower and enjoying the process.

Joey Silvera goes into the apartment or room, and notices that his room has some women in it. The women stumble upon him and they decide to help him out a little. This turns into a three some. Joey Silvera, Erica Boyer and Porsche Lynn have a threesome in what appears to be a terrible apartment, or wait, a hotel room. This is not a terrible scene, it’s not a great one either. SIlvera has been in other movies that he shines in, but here he kind of just goes through the motions. The women seem to be fine with him, and they do perform ok, but it’s obvious that there’s that “it” factor missing in this sequence. Silvera gets enough action with both women, but it’s short lived as the movie ends with Silvera cumming on the two, and then just finishing up. That’s the movie, and it’s not a long one. This movie is only one hour and sixteen minutes long, mind you, so this scene kind of just ends with the flight attendants talking about how great it is to be working for an airline.

I give “Mile High Girls” a 3 out of 5.

I didn’t really like the short scenes, and the chemistry lacked throughout. The Tom Byron scene, and the opening sequences was fun. If you are a fan of Viper, and any of the other actors in this movie, then why not pick it up? It’s more than adequate, but it’s not something that you may want to see over and over again. I did like a few things, and I noted them. It’s a good movie, just not a great one.

You can purchase and stream “Mile High Girls” by clicking here. Check out Viper’s scene, and Tom Byron’s scene if you only purchase scenes from the link.

Ramb-ohh! (1986) Review

Ramb-Ohh! (1986) VHS Cover

There are a lot of parodies of modern cinema. Many of them become porno movies, and today we are going to go back to a movie that was directed by a guy named Adam. This was released I n1986, and it is a movie that is a complete parody of the classic Rambo Franchise. The movie starts simple enough, and it is definitely one of the better movies to have a parody element to it, although, it’s still a porno. This was definitely meant to be seen on the big screen, as there is better acting, film grain, and a plot that involves a titular character. The movie today is called “Ramb-ohh!” and it stars Tom Byron, Bunnie Blake, Krista Lane, Ray Wells, Candie Evans, Peter North, and Ray Wells. This is a very 1980s movie as far as women are concerned, as they have big hair, and heels, and look like they just came off the set of a Motley Crue video.

We start the movie with people picking on a soldier, played by Peter North. He is getting called all sorts of names for being in Vietnam. He then steals a motorcycle and just goes along his way. In another scene, we see Tom Byron at a mansion, and some guy that looks like a villain talking on the phone, and the two exchange a few words before Byron goes inside.

The opening sex scene starts at around 5 minutes, and the music is very romantic, soft, and you find two women on a brown couch. One is a blonde, and one is a brunette, and they are simply kissing. Bunnie Blake, and Careena Collins kiss and slowly work through a lesbian opening sequence. The music shifts and in comes a young Tom Byron. I’ve seen more Tom Byron scenes than any other actor in the business at this point, and here he is, throwing down with two women, as they begin to blow him. The two women share his throbbing member, and the music turn sinto a bit more porn-chic element. This is a fast moving scene, mind you, and Byron is just enjoying every minute of getting blown by two beautiful women. This isn’t a long scene, no one is shaved, and Byron goes through both women at one point, before he eventually can’t hold it together, the camera shakes and he cums on the pubic hair of one girl while another gets really close for the money shot in her face, and licks up the cum after the fact. The scene has some good chemistry, and some solid momentum, although the music made me laugh. Not the best scene, but Byron seems to have enjoyed this threesome, and the women weren’t half bad, making it at least passable.

The next scene shows our solider coming up on a van and seeing that there is someone locked inside. He knocks out the two guys outside of the van, and then takes the girl away, saving here.

Another scene shows a couple of con artists trying to get someone to stop along the side of the road. One beats up a driver and then hijacks a car, and a country tune plays. This is comical, and unnecessary. But hey, it’s 1986, and we need a plot to this porno.

Switching ears, Peter North talks to a woman and talks about what is going. My VHS copy of this tape started to mess up a little, but we get more of the story. The woman saved was headed to a brothel, where she had to work against her will. But now she’s saved. As she talks, we are sent to another sex scene, where a man and a brunette with big hair are making out in front of a fireplace.

This scene features Krista Lane and Ray Wells. It’s an average sex scene with a jazzy musical score. No one is shaved again, there’s no condoms, and the two don’t seem to have a lot of chemistry. Lane does most of the work here, although Wells seems to hold off from cumming too fast. This is not a very sexy scene, although it works for what it is. The director does do some good close ups of the action, but there are also edits where you see Wells’ face too long, and then Lane’s body moving, but not penetration. There’s no one sweating here, and it’s apparent that the two are just doing the job, and not really into one another. Eventually Lane starts to really get into it, and moans and nearly screams, as she gets close to orgasm. The money shot occurs when Wells goes Russian with Lane and cums on her neck and chest, although it’s not a big load to speak of, which the director doesn’t even get too close to. It’s a minimal amount of an ender, and Lane doesn’t even seem that excited, making this a dull scene.

The movie then shifts back to Peter North and the woman he saved. She tells him that he needs to go to some building and stop a bomb that is going to go off. After that we see the villains talking to the boss and talking about how the woman they had escaped.

Another scene features the two con men that stole a car, just driving down the road. Then you get aerial shots of old Malibu, California. This is just an odd sequence of movie elements before you get back to Peter North, with a pair of binoculars looking at a house.

Inside the house we get our next sex scene. A jazzy tune starts and you see Careena Collins, Francois, and Ray Wells having a threesome. This is a basic three some, and it appears to have dubbed in sounds. Careena Collins does have a little moaning done here and there, but the tape dub is bad. Francois is funny here, he’s all oiled up, and it’s interesting to see him contrast with Wells. At one point Careena Collins’ has dubed over statements that are not in the same scene, and it’s funny. Then you get male voice overs, making this one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen. If you like terrible porn, you have to seek out this scene just to laugh at how bad the audio design is. The direction is also clumsy, but the audio is just tremendously bad. The two have sex with the brunette here, and it’s not terrible. There’s a money shot on her breasts, no double penetration or anything like that, just terrible dubbing. I couldn’t believe how bad this scene was. Just horrendous. Wells doesn’t even finish he stays hard after the seen ends, which is odd to me, but hey, that’s porno for you.

The movie moves to Peter North with a gun, then a city scene of Los Angeles from the 1980s. We are then shown two bad guys get beat up by North, and he jumps on the stolen motorcycle and takes off. Our hero finds the house he was looking at and attacks, going inside, and saving a woman that is tied up. They leave the room, and then the scene cuts to another couple having sex.

Candie Evans and Francois have sex on a water bed in this scene. Francois is an oiled up, tanned dude with a bad circumcision. Candie Evans is a blonde haired 1980s pin up looking porno girl. Again, no one is shaved, the two seem to have minimal chemistry, and the music is laughable at times. I did appreciate watching a movie with a waterbed in it. Remember those? I never got to have sex on a water bed, which makes this scene all the more delightful. This is a standard sex scene, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Francois did gay porn, because his physique, motions, and overall lack of enthusiasm drives you away from the scene. He’s hard, Evans rides him, but this is as mechanical as two married people having sex after being together for 30 years. It’s not worthy of the porno world if you ask me. The ending of this scene features Evans blowing Francois until he cums, and that’s it. Not a great scene.

Peter North rescues the girl, and then meets the villain of this movie. The two face off, and North throws a knife at the villain! He then falls into a pool, and that’s it. Our hero prevails! It’s not bloody, it’s not action packed, it’s just somewhat boring. Peter North barely works through his lines here, and the bets actor is the non-sexual role that the villain has.

Once the villain is dead, Peter North goes inside to tell Bunnie Blake and she’s spread eagle waiting for him. BUnnie is a blonde haired woman, with curly hair, and Peter North is now a legend. The starting of this final sex scene is all oral. The two taking their time going through the motions of sex, with neither shaved, and no condom in sight. This is another waterbed scene, in the same waterbed that we saw before, with pale walls, and a yellow comforter to boot. The music is a military style drumming which is terrible, and you get close ups of all the action here. As far as Peter North scenes are concerned, this is one of the worst. Sure, Bunnie Blake has some chemistry with him, but it’s not a great scene, as the two are somewhat mechanical. The saving grace of this movie should’ve been a Peter North facial, or big cum shot, but for some reason the director did not focus on that, and we just see a finish with dubbed in moaning, and that’s it. I kid you not.

I give “Ramb-ohh!” a 1 out of 5.

Well, it was bound to happen. I was going to run into a movie that was so awful, I didn’t want to even get hard for it. This is one of those movies. This is the worst porno movie I’ve seen, in terms of sex. Sure, there was some story to it, and there is some production value. However, this is a seriously terrible movie, and if you love bad porno, then you’ll like it. Other than that, this is not one that’s going to make you want to get it on. Unless, you’re a collector of all things Peter North, in which case, go for it.

Sorority Sex Kittens (1995) Review

Sorority Sex Kittens (1995) Poster

There are a lot of movies that I saw when I was watching the Spice Network on Cable. One of them was no doubt “Sorority Sex Kittens”. This is from 1995, and it features a lot of sex from the starting line of the movie. You don’t even get the credits really, you just get thrown into the action. This is a straightforward sex romp, but it’s shot on film, so I wonder if it was truly meant to be seen on the silver screen. By 1995, there wasn’t many porno theaters out there, even though I knew one in Santa Monica, and in West Los Angeles. They aren’t there anymore, as far as I know, but perhaps the one in West Hollywood is still there. Either way, this is a movie that features 8 scenes, and it gets done in about 90 minutes. It’s a classic from VCA pictures, and stars the likes of Madison, Mike Horner, Melanie Moore, Victoria Paris, Peter North, Tim Lake, Angela Summers, Tiffany Mynx, TT Boy, and many others. If you’re a fan of classic porno movies, than you’ll find that in 1995 a lot of movies came out, and well, this is one that stands the test of time in some ways. The director and writer is Jim Holliday.

The opening sequence features Madison and Mike Horner getting into action in what looks like a college dorm room. There are no condoms in sight, and Madison is drilled throughout, as she talks a lot. She is spouting out lines that are comical, while Mike Horner sweats and pumps, and goes through the motions of getting blown, and then throwing down the best he can. He really goes to town on Madison, and Madison keeps talking more than moan, and eventually finishes on the bed, rather than on Madison. Once Horner is done, a woman comes in and blind folds him. Then the credits start to roll.

This is the first in a part of a series of movies, mind you. It’s filmed at a community college, at least the exteriors are, and it’s done on film. There are great overall sets, and the jazz soundtrack is kind of cool. This is a higher budgeted movie, and it shows from the starting line. I was impressed with the starting line, and the overall quality of the movie. It has a story, and it’s driven by narration. You are introduced to all the women via narration of a college disc jockey. Each woman is busty, sexy, and is quite interesting to the plot of the story, if you are looking for the plot.

The next sex scene features Melanie Moore and Victoria Paris. Two attractive California blondes, and they simply go to town on each other orally and through various positions of lesbian sex. You can still see the roots of their hair, but the blonde comes up over it, giving you that California look you always expect from these mid 1990s movies. They go through various positions with a sensual jazz soundtrack, and doesn’t really showcase more than just hands, tongues, and pubic hair. If you’re into lesbian scenes, this is a slow, sensual, and basic one to consider. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great either.

The story continues with a random woman talking to a nerd. Then a cut to the DJ that is just playing music, and sitting around. This is an old hippy looking dude, and he’s visited by a random guy. The dude comes in and discusses a few things about the conspiracy theory that the DJ has. This of course goes forward to another sex scene.

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This sex scene is in a new dorm room, and it features Lacy Rose, Peter North and Tony Marinto set to a backdrop of a good jazzy tune. Lacy Rose is a brunette that isn’t at all looking like a college girl. She’s all natural, and she invites Peter North and Tony Martino to start stroking it before they start doing her. There’s a dualing rimming and oral point that is interesting, with both guys taking a hole and going to town. Rose screams in passion, and then eventually gets the guys to go all in. Tony Martino has the best mullet in porn if you ask me, at least in the movies that I’ve seen thus far. He starts off with Rose while North gets blown on the side. The sex doesn’t last too long, however, as he cums quickly, while North just gets sucked off on the side. I’m not sure if this was edited short or not, but Martino cums on Rose’s stomach and pubic hair, and he’s done. She turns over, and tells Peter North to perform anal on her, and so he does so with a condom on, and then finishes on her. She’s loud, Lacy Rose is so loud, that you may have to turn down the television, as she really is loud here, and well that’s a turn on for some people, while others think it’s theatrical. I think it’s legitimate here, as she uses her hands while Peter North continues to pump. After some time doing anal, Peter North finishes on Lacy Rose’s stomach and hits her in the eye and body, and it’s kind of funny to look at. Not a bad scene.

After the sex romp, you’re taken to a classroom where a busty teacher talking about who would have sex in the Wizard of Oz. The classroom scene is ok at best, but it’s just a transition to a sorority scene. In the sorority scene you see pledges talking to the many different ladies of the sorority. This is a standard sorority element, and it’s not that good. It moves forward to a couple of dudes in their dorm talking about school and random things. It’s just a simple movement of the story. It’s a party pledge scene, and nothing more than that. The camera goes back to the DJ who’s having a bad ream, before showing off some B-footage of the school, and then going to the frat house for a minute.

Two frat guys show up with Selena Steele and TT Boy yells out, “train action”, and then starts to kiss her. There will be a foursome here, and the pants come off, while Selena Steele starts to get into the action. Selena Steele, Peter North, TT Boy, and Tony Martino are all involved with this one, and it starts immediately. There’s a jazzy tune in the background, but you hear slurping, moaning, and groaning for this scene. She sucks off three guys, before each person takes a turn with her, while the others watch. This doesn’t last long mind you, and they all just have sex with her, without a condom, and that’s really just it. This is a train type of scene, I guess, the first that I’ve seen while reviewing movies for this blog. The sex is serviceable, with a nice young college coed with brunette hair taking all three guys. It’s not a great scene, mind you, but she’s all natural, not shaved at all, and the dorm room setting is interesting to denote. Other than that, it’s a forward moving scene with all three guys getting a turn, and that’s it.

After the foursome, the movie switches to a scene at the sorority house. A few women are there and the pledges are getting talked to. They are being welcomed to the pledge period, and they just talk about what duties each person must have. The movie goes through different plot points, including talking to the DJ again, and random notes about the conspiracy theory of the sorority. That moves to a teacher and a random nerd.

The next scene features Bionca and Tim Lake having sex in the classroom from earlier. The scene is rather boring, and Tim Lake cums way too fast, so it’s barely a scene that you can even get off to. It’s a lackluster scene, and while Bionca’s brunette 1980s style hair is a nice contrast to the nerdy Tim Lake, the scene is not that great. It may be amongst one of the worst sex scenes I’ve scene thus far.

The movie then moves through the plot with the DJ going nuts, and then the sorority house. The sorority house has the final sex scene and features Melanie Moore, Stacy Nichols, Tiffany Mynx, Angela Summers, Madison, Shayla LaVeaux, Teri Diver, Alexis DeVell, Ashlyn Gere, Selena Steele, Shawnee Cates, and Summer Knight. They have a giant orgy, and it’s all women, all the time, just having a ball. They push through the incredible scenes of passion, and the jazzy tune goes up while the orgy continues. This is nothing more than just a lesbian orgy. If you’re a fan of seeing a lot of women doing oral, moaning, and using their hands across many different angles, here you go. The ending is all women, and it’s all sex.

The movie ends with that orgy, and a note on the sequel. That’s it.

I give “Sorority Sex Kittens” a 2 out of 5.

This is perhaps one of the worst examples of modern porn, if you can call it modern. However, if it was meant to be on the silver screen, I get it. The sex scenes are a little short, but it’s not half bad at times. I would say that there are a couple of good scenes, but the rest is just fast paced, or terrible. If you’re a fan of lesbian scenes, then this will do it for you for sure. The plot’s not half bad though.

You can purchase “Sorority Sex Kittens” by clicking here, and seeing if you like this movie.