Blue Movie (1995) Review

One of the best movies in the lexicon of adult cinema is that of Blue Movie. This was released in 1995, and it stars a lot of talent from the era. “Blue Movie” came out in 1995, and it stars Rebecca Lord, Steven St. Croix, Jenna Jameson, Tera Heart, Alex Sanders, Dallas Whitacker, Tony Tedeschi, Lana Sands, Jeana Fine,  TT Boy, Jenna Jameson, and Jordan St. James. The movie is shot on film, and the sets are all very well designed. This is an expensive adult movie, and it shows from the start to finish, including the soundtrack which features full orchestral moments. 

The movie opens up in a doctor’s office. A psychiatrist is talking to Steven St. Croix and she wants to get to the bottom of why he dresses like a woman. He says a few things, but the doctor wants more. 

Scene 1. Rebecca Lord, Steven St. Croix

Rebecca Lord is beautiful, has brown hair that is tied up as she is playing a doctor, and is not all the way shaved. She gets eaten out by Steven St. Croix to start the sex, and it’s a good bit of cunnulingus to begin the movie. The set design here is good, the soundtrack is fine, and we move forward into our X-rating fast. However, this doesn’t move forward into sex, instead it moves into the second scene, a cut away to something a bit different. 

Scene 2. Jenna Jameson

The movie shifts gear and while the credits roll we see a nude Jenna Jameson in a bed with fog machines going, candlelight, and her hands moving through to feel herself. This is contrasted with artsy scenes that have nothing to do with the plot, including blue balls that seem to talk to her. She plays with the blue ball and that’s that, an oddly erotic sequence without sex, as we get forward progress to a wake up. 

Plot point: Jenna takes a phone call, and she is told that she is supposed to be getting a story about a random dude. The story is about the “Legend of the Golden Oyster”, and the editor is yelling, and eating pickles of all things. Jenna Jameson’s character is in charge of getting a story, and that’s where the plot takes us. After getting caught trying to steal some information, we are taken to a backstage area, and the plot continues with the newspaper story thing. Make it through this, and you’re treated to the next sex scene, which seems to show a movie within a movie, and away we go again. 

Scene 3. Tera Heart, Alex Sanders

Tera Heart is just hanging out, when Alex Sanders shows up. Sanders is in full snowboarding gear while Heart is in heels and a bikini. Heart has brown hair and begins to blow Sanders immediately, giving him a great deal of attention. This starts somewhat timid if you ask me, and Heart’s skills are on display. She’s a thin brunette with nice breasts, and the camera takes time to move closer and further, with cuts highlighting expressions. The set here is that of a ski resort, and the music is orchestral. The two trade a lot of positions and we even get anal at one point, as the two actually seem to have some sort of chemistry. Fans of Heart will love to see her get some, and Sanders does well enough to keep the momentum going. There’s a facial to end things, and techno beats to move along as well. 

Scene 4. Dallas Whitacker, Tony Tedeschi

We move to another backstage segment, and this time Dallas Whitacker blows Tony Tedeschi. That’s the crux of this, while Jenna Jameson watches. Dallas is a blonde with an 1980s hair cut, and Tedeschi just receives oral and gets moving forward. This is a simple scene with a blow job at the center of it all. 

Scene 5. Lana Sands, Tony Tedeschi

Moving right along we end up seeing Tedeschi in a bar scene, where he gets blown by Lana Sands. Lana is a brunette that has tan skin, and Tedeschi moves forward with this fast. Sands is pretty, thin, and has natural breasts. The two have sex on the counter of a bar, and the music isn’t too bad. It’s a bit on the soft side, but Lana and Tedeschi go through the motions well enough. Anal occurs at one point, and Tedeschi puts it down with Lana moaning some. The bar background is not that much of a difference maker, and the movie continues with simple sex here. Not many positions, but a lot of close ups especially of the anal. 

Plot point: We get moving forward with the plot, and it’s about the Golden Oyster, as it gives unlimited power to the person that looks into it. The bar scene is just a film within a film, and we are driven to the next scene which is what many are going to be waiting for, and that’s Jenna and TT Boy, which she mentions in her book. 

Scene 6. Jenna Jameson, TT Boy

TT Boy and Jenna Jameson start things off with cunulingus, and then she blows him. If you read her book, then you’ll recall that this is the scene in which TT Boy got paid to climax more than once and she was surprised that he could do it. The overall sequencing here is good, and fans of Jenna are going to love the way the two work together with fast strokes and easy movements. 

Scene 7. Jeanna Fine, Jenna Jameson, Lana Sands

Just when you think you’re getting a story line, the movie moves again to just sex. That’s what the point is of these movies anyway. This time around you see Lana Sands, Jeanna Fine, and Jenna Jameson in a three way lesbian scene. The trio exchange kisses and cunnulingus throughout, while St. croix watches. It’s a tame scene in comparison to others, and it’s a nice change of pace. Nice set here, Roman in style, and we move forward to another scene. 

Scene 8. Dallas Whitacker, Tony Tedeschi

Dallas Whitacker enters and disrobes, then she gets on her knees and blows Tony Tedeschi. There’s not much to this scene in terms of story, the two just go straight forward into sex, and it’s not terrible. Tedeschi is a pro, and Whitacker has a wig on, and the two go through several positions together. The sex is somewhat robotic, and Tedeschi wears a condom for this one, but overall it is an adequate scene, with some nice music to boot. 

Scene 9. Jeanna Fine, Steven St. Croix

Next up we get a similar situation with Jeanna Fine and Steven St. Croix. From a blow job to cunnulingus to sex, we get a straight forward sex scene. It’s robotic, it isn’t that good, and honestly, perhaps the worst of the bunch in terms of sex in this movie. Jeanna Fine is hot, but ST. Croix is just a bit boring to watch here. 

Scene 10. Jordan St. James

The plot moves forward and we have no major continuity. We just go straight into a strip scene with Jordan St. James. Not before we get another look at blue balls, and that’s it. Jordan St. James strips, and well the credits roll. 

“Blue Movie” is a big budget sex movie, and it doesn’t fail to capture the imagination at times. However, in terms of good sex, it just lacks something. Sure, it is good in terms of it being shot on film, and the budget and sets. However, if you’re looking to get off, this is going to distract more than anything. 

I give “Blue Movie” a 3 out of 5. 

The Time Machine (1996) Review

The Time Machine (1996) Cover 

Ok, so it takes a little while to keep coming back to this, but hey, I’m here and we are going to be discussing a high budget movie for a change. This time around, let’s focus on a movie that came out in 1996. This is a movie that was directed by Jace Rocker, and was distributed by Wicked Pictures. The movie was shot on film, has a lot of props, and different actors that were great for the time. The movie stars Serenity, Jonathan Morgan, Ruby, Alex Sanders, Mitchell Grant, Tatiana, Peter north, Colt Steel, Sindee Coxx, Davia Ardell, and Tracy Love. The title of this movie, from 1996 is, “The Time Machine”.

The movie starts with Jonathan Morgan and Serenity walking around a mansion. Morgan’s grandfather have left him an interesting home, and the two start walking around the home to figure out what is going on from the past. They end up going through an old lab, and that’s where Morgan finds a letter. He reads the letter out loud as he walks around Serenity, and the two start talking about time travel according to Einstein. The two are great actors here, and I’ve always said that Morgan has been good in the movies that I’ve seen him in. The two start to look for the machine’s components and how to use it, then they uncover it. It’s not too unlike the H.G. Wells version, mind you. There’s a lot of attention o details on the set here, the sound design, the acting, the script, and the introduction. To the point that Morgan doesn’t have sex with Serenity right away. The build up of this movie features a lot of build up, and Morgan reads the letter, and discovers the machine and more. After Morgan reads that he has been given 1 million dollars in gold, Serenity perks up and, and says that there’s something that makes her quite horny about money, and so the two begin to undress.

Serenity and Jonathan Morgan start to undress, and Serenity goes for a blow job right away. Serenity has a girl next door look to her, with dirty brownish blonde hair, and perky, young breasts. Morgan looks like your average joe, a teacher even, and the two start things off with making out, before Serenity gets on her knees to give a blow job. The camera follows them nicely, and there’s a soft jazz tune that plays, with a minor bass tune. The camera blocks things as if this were made for cable, but eventually you get hardcore, because you know, that’s what I review on this site. Serenity blows Morgan until he cums, and he’s not that large, and doesn’t have a lot of semen, so if you were expecting a large cum shot, you didn’t get it here. However, Serenity’s skills does well enough to get him to cum, so if you’re a fan of just pure blow job scenes, then you’ll appreciate Serenity’s dedication. Although, Morgan doesn’t seem to get quite hard for a while, so maybe that’s why the scene gets cut short.

During the blow job, something gets kicked on, and the two end up going through time, as Morgan can’t figure out what is going on. There’s a bit of B-footage playing, and you get a mix of different b-level backgrounds as the two end up going to a wild west area. The two figure out that they are in 1882. They just sit there and argue, and discuss how they are going to get back to their own time, while Serenity gives Morgan some guff for getting them lost.

The movie progresses, and we see a wardrobe change for the two, playing up the wild west theme. The two get involved with a couple of outlaws, before running off to try and protect themselves from getting hurt. Meanwhile, we are introduced to Ruby, Alex Sanders and Mitchell Grant in a saloon that turns into a sex scene. Ruby here looks like a prostitute from the old west, while the guys wear western garb. The saloon set is good, with wooden floors, and a lot of background elements that make you get into the scenario quite well. There’s a tune that plays behind the action, and it’s not half bad, with Ruby getting naked first, and on her knees, blowing both Sanders and Grant immediately. The two waste no time getting hard, and while they aren’t huge, Ruby does a great deal of work to get them excited. There are no condoms here, and Ruby yells a great deal, cums, and is really loud at the 30 minute mark, which made it difficult for me to continue my review. The two take turns having sex with Ruby, although the scene isn’t that long. By the 30 minute mark, however, Ruby cums hard, and one of the actors cums a great deal on her pubic region, and rubs it all in, making for an interesting ending.

After this scene we are taken to a tent, and inside is Peter North wearing Native American garb, and a woman is with him. The woman is named Tatiana, and North is supposed to be a Native American here. Tatiana gets on her knees and starts to blow Peter North, with an instrumental tune in the background, and it’s very much supposed to resemble Native Americans having sex, although Peter North is circumcised, so there ya go. Tatiana is a Latin looking woman with black hair, and large breasts, with a great deal of curves. The two go through the motions of sex well enough, and North just lets her pound against him in doggy style to start things off. It’s not a great scene, but if you’re a fan of Peter North, then you’ll know his style, and it’s not always passionate, as much as it is adequate for the cameras. At the 38 minute mark, however, North really starts to push things, and gets Tatiana to scream a bit. She looks a little like Brie or Nikki Bella to be honest, so if you know who they are, then you may like the scene. Things go into anal towards the end of the scene, with a full focus on reverse doggy style, and after a few minutes, you get another classic Peter North cum blast, and if you’re a fan of those, then you’ll know what to expect as he unleashes all over Tatiana’s face and chest.

After the scene, we see Jonathan Morgan talking to Peter North, and if you’re someone that is upset with racism or cultural appropriation, then you’ll hate what you see here. It’s somewhat racial in nature, but it’s a porno as well. Morgan is funny, and he’s great at using the strict, with North doing some straight man gimmickry. Morgan is great though. He gets Serenity and then takes off the western wear, and then gets on the time machine and gets sent to the Roman Empire.

In Rome, we see the Time Machine land with Morgan and Serenity. They think it’s 1996, but it’s not, it’s 196, and the two start to argue again. The two put on Roman gear, and say that they want to go back to Egypt. Things go sour but one of the Roman soldiers that finds them starts to talk to Serenity long enough to get her to go back to his home, mainly a bedroom.

Serenity starts to unrobe, and is in the presence of Colt Steel, which looks cut, and has a beard. He has long hair, and looks every bit the part that you’d expect a Roman soldier to be. He’s ripped, he has a somewhat large penis, and Serenity blows him immediately. What really breaks the mood here is that Steel wears a condom, so you know that attention to the details gets thrown out the window. Aside from that, however, the set here is a candle lit area, with roman style drapes, carpeting and more. Throughout that, Serenity starts to ride starting with cowgirl, and moans a great deal to begin. This is not a passionate love making session mind you, it’s fast paced, and gets to the meat of things quickly, with Serenity really getting pounded. The Roman Soldier goes through various positions with Serenity, and it’s a sexy scene, that is fast, and eventually garners cum on the back of Serenity. This is not the best scene in the world, but if you’re a fan of Serenity, then you’ll like how it turns out, with her in multiple positions, moaning and cumming.

After this, Morgan and Serenity get back to the time machine and they go into the future. The future is where they end up as an experiment, mainly Serenity on a slab talking to an alien. Then comes in a woman played by Sindee Coxx and they start to make out. Sindee Coxx and Serenity go through a lesbian sex scene. The backdrop here is a futuristic space medical lab, and it’s a good set. Coxx is a tall, blonde haired, somewhat skinny woman, and looks very much California, if you know what I mean. Serenity and her work together well, with moaning, oral, fingers, and more. The majority of the scene is spent with oral and fingers that’s for sure, and they seem to get into it, which is always nice to see with lesbian sex scenes.

The movie then shows off Jonathan Morgan and he’s in the caveman times. He ends up talking to Davia Ardell, and Tracy Love. These are two very thin, very small women. They make a few jokes and then Morgan is asked to get on a bed for them. They rip off his clothes and then he gets hard, and the two end up having sex with him. Davia Ardell, Tracy Love, and Jonathan Morgan start to have sex, and it’s a stone age setting, with some good lighting. Love and Ardell are petite women, one with enhanced breasts, but both wearing black hair wigs. They immediately get Morgan hard and start with a dual blow job sequence. This is the most mechanical sex scene, with the women moaning in robotic tones, and Morgan just going through the motions, trying not to cum too fast. Visually, this is ok, but honestly, it’s lackluster performance makes it somewhat boring, and mechanical. Those that have had casual sex and just went through the motions will recognize this first hand, with just boredom. There’s a small cum blast, and he wants to get out of there before a dinosaur gets him.

The scene ends and Morgan wants to go back to his time. He gets back to his time machine and starts to wonder how he can get Serenity back again. At the end, Morgan goes to the future, and rescues Serenity from the aliens, and then flies away, with an explosion that leaves them back at the old mansion, and that’s the end of the movie. A sci-fi twisting porno, with some good acting, good sets, and some mediocre sex here and there. Serenity is hot at times, Morgan’s acting is great, and the effects are good for a porno.

I give “Time Machine” a 4 out of 5.

One bad scene aside, this is a well put together porno, with some good moments, including a few elements that made me want to stop reviewing and do other things, so that’s always a plus. It’s not a great one, but it has a lot going for it, all things considered, so it’s definitely a 4 out of 5 effort.

If you're inclined to purchase adult movies, make sure that you pick up "The Time Machine" on DVD or stream it HERE!

Breeders (1996) Review

Breeders (1996) Poster

Well, here we go again, it’s time to get back into our time machine and look at the 1990s. It’s here that we are going to find out a bit more about a movie that has a lot of stars from the past, and some that you may be familiar with. This time around we are going to a larger budget movie option that was directed by Brad Armstrong, and distributed by Metro. This movie is called “Breeders”. It was released in 1996, and it has a higher budget than most. The stars of this movie include Sindee Coxx, Peter North, Dawn Burning, Kaitlyn Ashley, Alex Sanders, Sean Rider, Nadia Moore, Steve Drake, Anna Malle, Ruby, Gina LaMarca, Jon Severini, and Asia Carrera. The movie seems interesting enough, but is it any good? Well, let’s find out and see what’s up with this release from Metro.

From the start of the movie, you can tell that there was a higher budget than most. This movie starts with a very video game style introduction, with a lot of noise, and audio production to the credits. You really get a feel for the post-apocalyptic element that you’re going to be witnessing in this movie, that’s for sure.

Earth has become split into a few different factions. Those that are breeders and those that are not. The non-breeders are a band of criminals that want to kill everyone else. They are an underground group. They are criminals, and after the nuclear war killed everyone, only 12 people were left to breed. This is all talked about in the introduction which features a narrative voice. We see Peter North walking around a desolate area, which seems to me to be a spot near Inglewood.

Peter North runs into a busty blonde haired woman, and it’s none other than Sindee Coxx. Sindee Coxx gets on her knees and starts to blow Peter North. Sindee Coxx is a blonde haired, busty woman, and she has that California porno look. There’s a weird saxophone driven soundtrack that begins, and North stands amidst some dirt trees, with shadows being pushed to the side by the lighting rigs of the movie. It’s not well lit, but it’s lit enough to see what’s going on, and it’s Coxx going to town before North and her decide to have sex. The sex is adequate, the angles are ok, Peter North always looks like he’s in work mode, while Coxx seems to get wet and really get into the sex, even if it doesn’t last that long. The two work out well enough in multiple positions until North cums on Coxx’s pubic hair.

After North cums, we see some Roman Reigns looking dude come through and says, “they were here”. Then you are taken to an underground lair where a few guys are talking about how they need to kill more breeders. This is definitely a post-apocalyptic area, and it’s interesting to see, no doubt.

After the guys say they need to get more breeders, the camera takes us to prison cell. It’s here that Dawn Burning, Kaitlyn Ashley, Alex Sanders and Sean Rider are. They are kissing, moaning, and starting to take off their clothes. The two women are blonde haired, big breasted women, with your classic porno look. One is tanned, the other isn’t. There’s a pubic mound that is trimmed, and there seems to be some genuine chemistry between the couples. For this scene, the lighting is great, the set dressing looks like something out of the “Walking Dead”, and close ups are really close, giving you a very specific view of the oral, and the different positions. The women seem to get into it, and the guys are hard, making this an interesting scene. The music is good too, and the only downside is the many shadows that are in here, which counteract with the glare of my television screen as I try to review this. Other than that, it’s an artistic balanced scene that you could easily splice into “The Walking Dead” and get fanfare for. At one point there is anal, and I wonder why the purpose of breeders would garner such a thing. I thought the purpose was repopulation? Then I remembered, this is a porno. At the 24 minute mark, the director accidentally shows what appears to be Sean Rider trying to get hard, and not being able to perform, so the edit goes back to Sanders, going in with anal. It threw me off balance, and it really doesn’t do well for the scene, and as the scene progressed there’s a lot of blocking, to ensure that you don’t see his short comings in the scene.

After the sex is done, we see the breeders putting on their clothes, and they are attacked by the rebels on motorcyles, and they have guns. They are all casually shooting at the breeders, and one of them gets shot in the arm. From this point forward we get a lot more story. We are taken through the story and lots of dialogue. There’s some clever acting from Steve Drake, Asia Carrera, and others. It’s actually not bad, and if you were to splice the non-sex elements of this movie, you’d actually get a nice little science fiction piece. After some back and forth between the tribes, and Steve Drake’s character introduced we are taken to the memories of his character.

Nadia Moore and Steve Drake are stuck in his memory, and he is slowly caressing and kissing her. They are about to have sex in what appears to be a military outpost. They start slow, with oral, and then start to go forward with a few sensual moments before engaging in sex. The music here is slow, methodical, and artsy, with a focus on the scenario as an art piece, even if there is a bit of sex involved. There’s a sense of purity to the sex here, and it’s interesting to see. However, Nadia Moore doesn’t seem that interested in Drake, and while he’s a pro, the scene lacks that authentic sensuality and chemistry that I feel is necessary for a good sex scene. Remember, this is a fantasy, so it’s interesting to see how this doesn’t really fulfill that element for me. It’s artsy, it’s hardcore, but without that little extra, it’s just two people going through the motions, and it shows. There’s not much to this sex scene, there’s minimal focus on the actual sex, Drake blows his load into Moore’s face, and the music continues to be erotic and we then get a director’s slow down to show off that this is art, not just porn. It’s not a terrible scene, but it lacks that certain sensuality that you’d expect from porn. It is a cool scene to watch though.

Up next we are taken to another lair and this time, it’s Alex Sanders meeting Ruby, and Anna Malle. However, the director has slowed everything down to the point where it’s kind of a terrible scene. The sound design is good, the artsy nature of the sex is not lost on me, but it’s so slow at times that it is just like flipping through a porno and watching the images kind of shift. It’s a lackluster scene that really ends with a cum shot and that’s it. You barely see the women, and the lighting is so bad, that you can’t really tell what’s going on with some of the shadows that are in place.

After the terrible sex scene, we are taken to a mercenary with a shot gun. This is a tall redheaded woman, and she asks for one of the bad guys to take off his clothing. She points a shotgun to him, and finds out that he has water, and then takes it from him, drinking the water and letting it drip on her body. This woman is Gina LaMarca and she is an older redhead, with a lot of makeup. She immediately starts kissing the rebel, and we are taken to the next scene.

In this scene, we are treated to Gina LaMarca and Jon Severini having sex. It starts with oral on her, and then moves forward to the traditional elements. She keeps her boots on. She is a tall redhead with a shaved pubic area, but with a clear landing strip, a tan body, and large augmented breasts. Severini and her have some great chemistry together and though the director again uses slow motion to capture some of it, and the music is horrendous, the two seem to work well together here. The two have sex in multiple positions, but mainly doggy style, but it’s mired by the director’s decision to use slow motion again, and keep the sound and music at full speed. It takes you away from the action, as the lighting shifts because they are outside. It’s a bad scene, and truly a baffling decision if you ask me. The two go well together, and the sex is fine when not in slow motion, but it’s the lighting, music, and lack of chemistry that gets me towards the end of the scene, which starts off nicely, and then mellows out towards the end. It’s like watching an escort work for an hour. Eventually Severini cums and it lands in LaMarca’s face a little, and that’s it. He’s not a big guy, and she doesn’t seem that interested in the sex, yelling out at the end and barely looking sweaty at all. It’s a lackluster display if you ask me.

After they have sex, the rebels come down on motorcycles and they are shot by the two. They get on their motorcycles and run off to another outdoor post.

I don’t know why, but the next scene after this includes Gina LaMarca and Jon Severini having sex again. That’s right, there’s essentially a duplicate scene from what you just saw, only this time it’s full speed, full sex, and features a cum shot to the back of LaMarca’s body. It’s not that good, it’s fast, and the lighting is horrendous. But at least we don’t get that crappy slow motion for this one. LaMarca moans a great deal, and the camera ends the sex fast.

After the sex, we see Steve Drake and Asia Carrera running to the lair of the bad guys with guns, and they go in guns blazing. They then go in and shoot the main guy, and we come to find out that he was a breeder all along. Drake shoots him, and that’s it. All of the bad guys are killed and we are left with just Breeders.

The movie takes a lighter tone when we see Asia Carrera and Steve Drake outside some abandoned building. Asia Carrera gets on her knees and starts to blow Steve Drake. The worst thing about this is the slow motion, and the director once again goes for artsy, with a focus on music that is sold at a swap meet by some Peruvian flautists. Steve Drake and Asia Carrera have sex outdoors, and it’s not a bad scene, if it wasn’t all done in slow motion! Asia is a beautiful woman, needs no introduction, and Drake really works well with her. The two seem to have some great chemistry in this sex scene, and while the motions are good, and you really get a feel for the sex, the slow motion elements mixed with real audio sounds is a horrible way to cast this. Drake eventually cums on Asia’s pubic mound and that’s it. We get a short, slow motion sex scene that was probably much funner for the actors to do than for me to watch. I didn’t even get half a chub, which makes this an odd finish to a cool movie.

I give “Breeders” a 2 out of 5.

This is a terrible movie. However, it’s interesting, it has a lot of cool elements to it, but it lacks all of the elements that make a good porno movie, good. The sex kind of sucks, but the story is cool, and the ideas are great. But the choice to make a lot of the sex slow motion and artsy really takes me out of it. Plus, the Asia Carrera scene should’ve been longer in my view. But then again, hey, I am not the director, I’m just a guy reviewing movies.

You can check out “Breeders” and see if you like it, as it is available on DVD, streaming, and other mediums. Click here to pick it up and get 15 minutes free for starting a trial. I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t love it. Maybe you will, though.

Stardust (1996) Review

Stardust (1996) Poster 

Today we are going to the 1990s yet again. This time around, we are going to be looking at a movie that spawned a series that goes deep. I’m talking like eleven sequels at this point. That’s not a bad thing, that’s a great thing! I guess. It’s kind of like “The Devil In Miss Jones”, watering down over the course of many years. As far as erotica is concerned, we are going to be venturing to the 1990s today, specifically to 1996. In this year we are going to be looking at the movie, “Stardust”. This movie was directed by Michael Zen, and it was distributed by Vivid Video. The movie stars Alex Sanders, Jon Dough, Jill Kelly, Misty Rain, Jenteal, Missy, Bobby Vitale, Steven St. Croix, and others. There are a few non-sex role actors, but do you really care? I mean, Mike Horner is in here, which is always interesting, and Missy is in it too, but the rest, meh, right? I know, I’m not a great reviewer. But let’s go to the time machine and see what’s up with “Stardust” from 1996.

There’s something that is somewhat calming about seeing the Vivid Video, two people merging logo. It tells you that you’re watching a Vivid Video. It’s classic 1990s logo, and I love it. “You’re Watching a Vivid Feature Presentation”, classic. That’s how you know you’re in for something cool, right? The opening of this film is interesting, it roles the credits with a dancer. There’s a light in the background, and it’s a naked woman dancing, with fire sticks, but they aren’t lit yet. If you’re a fan of Cirque De Soleil, that’s kind of what you get to start, and then the sticks are ignited, I think they are called torches, my bad. There’s a unique soundtrack, a melody that is done with Peruvian flutes, and it reminds me of Southpark a bit. The credits continue to roll, and we see the shadows of nudity, a formed body, and shadows, which is a nice way to start things off, no doubt. The start of the movie begins with lettering, and it states, “From a far away galaxy…the star creatures are touched by the dreams of Earthlings”, and then we go into the actual movie.

The movie begins with a knight riding on a horse. He’s in full armor, and there’s a woman in a white dress, and full makeup. There’s a medieval times vibe to this, and the knight kneels and asks for his hand. But then we see what’s really happening, it’s a woman in front of a mirror and she says, why are you dreaming? She then starts to talk to the camera, and says how she met the wrong guy, a man named “Bubba King”, and what occurs here is the dude running into the knight with a golf cart. He then steps out looking like Boss Hog from “The Dukes of Hazard”, and he kisses the woman.

We go from that, to a movie studio, and we are introduced to a studio executive played by Mike Horner. However, in the waiting room is Jeanna Fine and Jon Dough. Mike Horner is laughing, and there’s a moose with a cigar on the wall. Jeanna Fine pulls Dough aside and talks to him on the couch in the office, and starts to rub her hands on Dough’s leg. For the record, I love Jeanna Fine, she has a smoker’s voice, short black hair, long legs, and a beautiful face. She starts to throw herself at Dough here, while Mike Horner is in near tears. Dough doesn’t really want to get with Fine, but eventually, as they keep discussing their next move, she gets on her knees and starts to blow him, and he obliges with the next sequence. Some romantic music plays, and we get to the action.

Jeanna Fine starts on her knees, fully clothed, without panties, and blows Jon Dough. Fine is partially shaved, trimmed, and neat, has red colored nails, a light tan, and has that professional woman’s look from the mid 1990s in a business suit and all. She has stockings, and the camera gets right into her work with the blow job. The moose watches the goings on, and tells the director to look at the goings on, and it’s a well lit scene. It’s obvious that this was not filmed on 35MM, as it looks like cable porn only it’s XXX so you see it all. The camera is steady, the lighting is good. Amidst the blow job sequence, Mike Horner starts to yell and stop them for a minute. After some oral, the scene shifts to sex, and Jon Dough gets into work mode. The two have sex on the couch, and while it’s not the best scene, Fine looks amazing. She moans a bit, and Dough pushes through, but honestly, it’s mechanical and lacking passion. Fine is a bit loud, but it’s theatrical, not passionate. If you’re a fan of Fine, then you’ll like watching her have sex with Dough, but if you’re not familiar with her at all, you may think that this is a bit over the top. She’s not that wet, she’s a bit demanding, and Mike Horner is in the corner watching it. She seems to be out of it towards the 15 minute mark too. Fine behaves like a 1 hour escort, waiting for the final cum shot, which arrives at the 17 minute mark, and that’s about it. Fine is in work mode, Dough at least throws in a great deal of pushing, and even sweats a little, but Fine, despite looking like a million bucks, kind of kills the boner with a lackluster, theatrical performance.

We move the story along to the “Beaver House” where we are on the hunt for Bubba King. We are taken to the inside of the strip club, and there’s a crowd of guys. One of the guys looks like Keenan Thompson! It’s just a bunch of random dudes, and the women here are in all feathers, and pink. They are going to do a performance act, much like a burlesque show. Meanwhile, Jon Dough is on the phone in another set trying to get info about Bubba King. The women start their dance, and it’s a very unique, and cool way to open up the second part of this movie. Dough is at a pay phone, remember those? After some time in the phone, he ends up meeting Bubba King and Steven St. Croix.

Jill Kelly and Misty Rain have a sexual encounter on stage for the men. It’s not hardcore, but they are dancing in pink, and it’s very sexy, while the guys watch. It ends after some time, and it doesn’t get too hardcore at all, but watching them dance is truly a nice little takeaway from the rest of the movie. But then of course, after a slight interlude with Alex Sanders and Jenteal, we are back to the women, only now they are starting to have sex with one another. The two get into oral, and it’s all in the pink getup. But what’s interesting here is that the director has chosen to go artsy with the camera work, dropping the frame rate and creating a look that reminds me of the Sega CD, and it’s not great. The two have a great deal of fun with one another, going through oral, fingering, and more. It’s a good sex scene for the most part, and it’s two women that seem into one another.

Up next, we see Jenteal hit the stage. Alex Sanders is in the audience and he starts to imagine what it would be like to have sex with her. The director fades into his dreams, and that’s the next sex scene. Alex Sanders starts to give Jenteal oral to start the sex. Jenteal is a blonde haired, small breasted, curvy woman, and is younger in this picture. Alex Sanders has long hair, and looks like he just got out of the sunset strip from the 1980s, a rocker looking dude. Jenteal has a semblance of the girl next door, until you see her assets, and you realize that she’s a pro. The two have sex in the backstage area and there’s minimal lighting. It’s straight forward sex, with Sanders going in hard at one point and making Jenteal scream and moan in pleasure. If you’re a fan of rough, hard, fast sex, with a good instrumental, there you go. This scene has that, and it’s not a sensual landscape, with Zen’s direction moving away from the action so you don’t always see penetration. You know they are really doing it, but it’s an artistic landscape of a sex scene more than pure hardcore. That can go either way for people. Sanders seeks to get his here, and he is not looking to play passionate, and that leads to the money shot at around the 49 minute mark where he cums on Jenteal’s chest.

The scene quickly ends, and we are taken back to the reality that sanders is watching her dance on stage with a bunch of other dudes.

What occurs next, is one of the oddest ways to end a movie. Missy comes out and starts talking to Bubba King played by Bobby Vitale. Missy gets on her hands and knees and starts to blow Bubba King. She’s dressed up, has a little mole on her cheek, has small breasts, dirty blonde hair, and gets under a table to blow Bubba, while Jon Dough and Steven St. Croix watch Jenteal on stage. Jenteal gets into the face of Sanders and lets him give her oral, meanwhile Dough, St. Croix and Bubba start to get blown by missy overall. She’s blowing the guys under the table, and the show is just going on, without any major work. It’s an interesting scenario, but it makes no sense to the story, as a whole. After a bit of dancing, and the guys cum, Jenteal gets off the stage and pours a beer on Bubbas face! Then Jenteal says that she’s the boss and she is upset with Bubba because he was getting blown during her performance.

Bubba King gets mad, and then we are taken to a noir scene where Mike Horner is laughing. He points a fake gun at his moose, and laughs. We are then taken to the dressing room of Jenteal and there’s a fortune teller, a drag queen that says she will meet a man from Hollywood. But then, we are taken to a preview of the next movie, and that’s the end of this one.

I give “Stardust” a 3 out of 5.

In order to see the whole movie, you have to see more than just this movie. You have to see several “Stardust” movies, in order to get the whole story. This is ok, I guess. It’s got interesting sets, interesting comedic elements, and some great introductions to a larger story, but honesty, it’s lacking in the sex department.

The Shark (1999) Review

The Shark (1999) DVD Cover

The smooth jazz opening from Wicked greeted me for a trip back to 1999. The movie in question today is, “The Shark”, and it stars Nina Hartley, Serenity, Evan stone, Alex Sanders, Mickey G, Bridgette Kerkove and many others. I was surprised by the high quality introduction, with some good music for a change. The videography is done by Jake Jacobs, editing by Donald O’Brien, written by Patti Rhodes, and directed by F.J. Lincoln. This is a higher budget film than I’m used to reviewing, and it’s kind of an exciting thing to get a higher budget 1990s movie. I call it a movie because the music is done well, the film grain is there, and it is definitely more than just a random gonzo porno, which I’m all about. There’s a story, and it opens with a poker scene, and some interesting music. An underground poker game starts, and we see our stars playing, nothing crazy, right? Nope.

“The Shark” starts with a bunch of guys playing poker, and two women looking at one another. This is Nina Hartley and Serenity. They look at one another and they leave the poker table. They exchange a few words in the bathroom, and Nina gets on her knees and starts to give Serenity oral. I can say this much about Nina Hartley, she’s amazing, and she knows what’s she is doing, because she really gives it to Serenity, in what seems to be a natural sequence of lesbian sex. Serenity is an up and comer, while Hartley is a legend. The two are blonde haired, fit women, and here you see a lot of oral and the use of a toy, with Serenity orgasming for real, and Nina Hartley looking amazing. I would love to meet her one day, I bet she has some stories to tell. This isn’t a long scene. The music is funny, as it sounds like big band Las Vegas style. The two go back and forth giving each other kisses and oral, and eventually finish, and that’s that. This is a hot scene if you like lesbian sex, and if you love the actresses, then you’re going to enjoy this somewhat short scene.

When the sex is done, we get back to a poker game, and it’s not that great. It’s just a random game, and everyone is winning and losing. The story goes, that Mickey G is running out of money. Mickey leaves the game, and then goes home. He is wishing he could get more money, but instead just paces as Serenity sits in a weird looking chair. Mickey G then wants to play Serenity in a game of poker. She goes to sleep, and the next scene features Serenity showing up to the poker house and winning big.

The sun comes up, and we are back at the house where Mickey G. is just playing solitaire and trying to just relax. In comes Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige. The two women give Mickey G. one hell of a ride. We then get a full sexual romp with Mickey G. Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige, and it’s not half bad. One blonde and one burnette, and we get an interesting focused sex scene with some synth rock. Mickey G. seems to have a hadr time getting hard at first, going soft with the initial blow job, and it’s kind of odd. The director wisely shifts gears, and you are directly placed into the sex, where Mickey finally is hard and going through doggy with one of the women. Mickey wears a condom and enters one of the women, the music shifts to a techno beat, and this becomes a standard sex scene. It’s not as passionate as the other stuff I’ve seen Mickey in, but it works for this scenario. There’s not much chemistry between the actors, and it’s a bit telling. There is an anal sequence, and at that point things get a little louder. If you’re a fan of anal, then you’ll like how this sequence ends, as Mickey gets his rhythm and really does well towards the end of the scene, eventually cumming and rubbing his member on the blonde, but not putting himself back in, making it an ok scene.

UP next we see Serenity winning a big load at the poker table. She complains that she wants to get into bigger action. She then walks towards another table and sits down. She wants higher stakes. And she starts to jump into a table that is higher ranked.

Moving along, Serenity goes back to the house. Evan stone and Nina Hartley introduce themselves to Serenity, but after some time, you end up going to the bedroom. In the bedroom Nina Hartley and Evan Stone start making out. This leads to Nina taking off her lingerie, keeping her heels on and blowing Stone. Evan Stone really gets hard here, and Hartley is one of the classic porno stars that looks amazing for her age. If you’re a fan of hers, you’ll love her work here as Stone can barely keep without cumming at various stages. The foreplay isn’t long as Evan Stone drives himself into Nina in missionary position and then some. He has a condom on, but you don’t see him put it on. She gets really wet and moans a great deal, as Stone throws down his classic moves. It’s a straightforward hard sex scene, with Stone cumming on Hartley’s back and butt, and that’s that. Not a great scene, but it did start hot. He slaps his penis on Nina’s but and causes her to scream, and than that’s that.

We move along to Mickey G. waiting outside of a lounge begging for another shot at the deeper table. Alex Sanders says that he can’t let her borrow the money, except, maybe sex. So the two engage some sex, and that’s the next scene.

Serenity and Alex Sanders start to make out in the lounge, and that leads to sex. It starts with Serenity giving Sanders a blow job, and getting really into it, then Sanders fingering her. The two have a bit of chemistry together, which makes this scene stand out amidst the others. You also get romantic music to score the scene. It feels more like a Hollywood production than a porno, which is always a good thing when it comes to porno. Sanders is completely shaved, Serenity’s dirty blonde long hair reaches down to her lower back, and she is truly a curvaceous blonde. Serenity really gets into it at one point and cums on Sanders’ fingers and that’s the hottest part of this scene. Her moans are genuine, and she contracts with real orgasms. Eventually a condom comes on and the two engage in a nice romp. The setting of a bar next to a pool table is good, and the sex is dynamic, with Serenity wearing black heels, and just getting into the action. She looks kind of like the girl next door, but with a twist, and Sanders looks like a rocker. The two go forward in some nice back and forth. Eventually Sanders cums on her face, and that’s the end. This is a much more romantic scene than I thought it would be, and it turned out great.

Up next, Serenity gets a chance at playing with the big boys of poker. They go through some motions, and then leaves Sanders and Tracy Love alone. That leads to another sex scene.

Tracy Love is a short haired busty blonde, and Alex Sanders is the same dude that you already saw. The two make out on the top of a bar, and Love really gets into the action right away. She looks like Sunny from WWE at one point. Tracy Love and Alex Sanders go through a hot, hard scene here. This is done in a bar, on top of the bar itself and it starts with kissing than oral fast. Love is shaved, and she gets really wet really fast, and things go smoothly for the most part. This is a much harder scene than the first one was, and it’s interesting to see. Alex Sanders really goes in hard with Tracy Love here. The scene is fast, and hard, with a focus on anal at one point. He slowly drives it in, then goes to town with Love screaming at one point. He eventually cums on her pubic mound and that’s it. This was a very fast scene, with a lovely girl, and Sanders playing a good role overall.

The movie continues, and it’s the end. Mickey G thanks Serenity for winning the big poker game and squaring all the money with Sanders. The two start to make out in a bathroom, and you know that this is the end of movie. Serenity and Mickey G. start to make out, and then undress, going into a passionate love making scene, that is the signature for Wicked. The two step into a hot tub, and oral commences. Serenity blows Mickey and this time he’s hard nearly immediately. He starts giving her oral, and she’s shaved, and gets really wet really fast. The two obviously have some chemistry together and it shows. She moans a great deal. Mickey puts on a condom and the two have sex on the tub, in the tub, and through multiple positions. The bathroom looks like a major vegas suite, and there’s a techno beat with a singer underneath the moaning and the groaning. This is an above average scene with the two actually having some chemistry. It’s interesting to see them work through the motions of sex here and definitely something that you would love if you’re a fan of either performers. I’m not a big fan of Serenity, but she’s hot enough to make these scene interesting. Mickey G tries to hold on for a lot of the scene, nearly cumming several times, but eventually holds on to finally cum for a money shot. The money Shot features Mickey G cumming on serenity’s face and that’s the end of the movie. Serenity is a good looking dirty blonde haired woman, and seems to enjoy this scene most.

The movie ends with Serenity winning the World Championship of Poker, and that’s about it. Nothing too crazy, and nothing too grand. The movie finishes off with the credits, and it’s not half bad if you ask me.

I give “The Shark” a 3 out of 5.

I can’t give it more than 3 because of the condom use, which isn’t seen being put on, and the lackluster enthusiasm on several of the scenes. While there are a few scenes that are very good, the sets are done well, and there’s a decent story, the performances aren’t that titillating, so I have to give this a 3. Hey, if you’re a fan of Serenity, you’ll love this one, but if you’re not, you may find this to be passable at best.

You can order “The Shark” on DVD by clicking here, and streaming it as well with 10 minutes free!