John Leslie's Night Shift Nurses (1987) Review

John Leslie's Nightshift Nurses

Today, we go back to a topic that is near and dear to my heart. We talk about porno and nurses, and the original elements that made me raise an eyebrow when I was going through puberty. There’s something about nurses and sex, even to this day, and while the uniforms are all different now, I still think fondly of them for various reasons. Today we are going back to 1987, for a movie about some hard working medical staff, and the men they help. This movie is called “Night Shift Nurses” and it’s from 1987. The movie stars Dana Dylan, Lynn Franciss, Joey Silvera, D.J. Cone, Steve Henessey, Keisha, Jose Duval, John Leslie, Siobhan Hunter, Peter North, Bionca, and Lois Ayres. Some of these names you know, and some of them will be new, as they weren’t that famous, but hey, it’s 1987, and the VHS revolution was just gaining steam in the adult video world, so you probably didn’t buy this one, you rented it. Directed by John Leslie, “Night Shift Nurses” is another one of those nurse movies your dad probably hid on betamax.

The beginning of this movie is not pornographic. It shows a janitor mopping a floor, very much like you would expect from a horror movie. The camera is low, and you see a man mopping, and that’s it. There’s nothing sensual, nothing extreme, just a man mopping the floor, and just doing his job. There’s film grain here. There’s a nod to cinematography initially, but the lack of cuts and stationary camera, reminds you that this is not Hollywood, outright. I do appreciate the lighting, shadows, and set design, as this is certainly a hallway set, not just a random warehouse, without ceilings.

The opening sequence takes a turn. The janitor looks into a crack in a door way, and sees a doctor and two nurses. They are Dana Dylan, and Lynn Franciss, and the doctor is none other than Joey Silvera. There’s nothing shaved here, Silvera has full pubic hair, and he’s rock hard to start, but he’s not a big guy, as I may have stated before. We have a contrast in women, both slim, medium sized breasts, equally as pretty, one brunette and one blonde, and they kiss, suck, and make sure that Silvera stays in the moment. Meanwhile, the janitor starts to get hard, and puts his hands down his pants, as the camera juxtaposes manual stimulation, with Silvera and the nurses getting into a threesome behind closed doors. The sex starts with Silvera getting sucked off by one nurse, while he kisses another, and that’s enough gusto to get this movie rolling into what it is, a porno. Silvera here is golden, the women do their roles well, and the sex is swift, the editing is fast, and you really end up seeing both the sex, and the solo act all in the same scene, with a mix between the two. The brunette in this one is great, she rides silvera and seems like a natural against the blonde, but both definitely do work with Silvera. Meanwhile, Steve Henessey is outside the doorway masturbating. The trio have sex in a small room, with blue walls, and odd lighting, and yet it has a sexy quality to it that you cannot deny. There is anal around the 3 minute mark, mind you, so if you’re a fan of anal, there’s a few sequences of that.

Meanwhile the janitor is watching, and a nurse comes up on him to look at what he’s doing. The camera shows a very blonde, tall woman, and she just watches the janitor, and he of course looks into the room. While in doggy, the brunette and the janitor lock eyes, and the two have a moment while Silvera continues to anal. Silvera cums on the brunette’s lower back, and the janitor cums while the nurse keeps watching, and that knocks out two scenes in one edit.

The cool thing for me about this movie is that it’s dubbed in Spanish! Score me! I love when porno comes to me dubbed. The blonde from the hallway talks to an admin and he talks about how his staff needs to be up to snuff. The nurses are all busty, have big 1980s hair. The set here looks like a legit hospital, with admin files, overhead lighting, and shadows that you’d expect, but of course, it’s a set. The head nurse said that there is going to be an inspection later today, and that no one is going to lose their job. There’s a good overall plot point here, and that’s something that you’ll definitely note as something interesting. The movie goes to another room, and it’s the janitor cleaning, meanwhile Joey Silvera shows up to talk to him. Silvera says he just operated on a woman and that she had the biggest prostate ever, and the janitor tells him that only men have that. Silvera then talks about how he’s a detective, and that he is watching for changes, and more. Silvera is so natural here, with his bushy hair and mustache, he just exudes porn acting.

After the meeting in the random room, two nurses talk in the main lobby. They talk about how new uniforms were ordered, and they were on the way. Meanwhile, we end up going back to see the janitor cleaning, and inside a closet, when the head doctor comes in and puts on a lab coat. A woman comes into the doctor’s office, and says she has a headache that won’t go away. This is the 12 minute mark mind you, and the doctor looks at a file. The woman here is mature, made up like the late 1980s sitcom women would be, and has large red hair. The doctor makes some jokes, and tries to see what’s going on with the lady. She’s not having it, though, and she seems annoyed by the doctor’s lax methods. The doctor gets a phone call and says he has to go, but will be right back. The janitor comes out of the closet, and the woman grabs him, and pulls his pants down.

For this scene we see D.J. Cone, a redhead that looks a lot like your standard 1980s sitcom mom, and Steve Henessey, she blows Henessey a little, then seems frustrated when the doctor comes back yelling. The doctor comes in and recommends that we look into getting her temperature rectally, and we see him put a thermometer in her butt. The doctor gets a phone call again and says he will be right back. This time, D.J. Cone is nude, and as the janitor comes out of the closet again, he encounters Cone naked, and once again she pulls his pants down and wants to get action. The funky music starts and Cone gets really horny here, as Henessey just gets blown.

The scene cuts and we go to the lobby, and the doctor is yelling and muttering random bs, before we go back to the sex scene. I don’t know why there are edits of this type, but

Cone has full red pubic hair, and Henessey is big, as he goes in deep on the doctor’s table. The shadows here indicate studio lights from where the camera is facing, into the action. You can tell that this is not a real hospital, but a poorly dressed set. After some pumps, the janitor cums and Cone wipes herself up and then puts the thermometer back in her anus, and that’s it. The doctor returns and he starts to talk about what they can do to help her. She gets dressed, smiles, and we move along to the next scenario.

For the next scene we are back in the locker room. We see 4 nurses, all with big 1980s hair, and Joey Silvera sitting on a blue couch. The women are just talking randomly, and saying that they are not going to go anywhere until the inspectors have come through and gone through their work.

Moving forward, we see the blonde head nurse, and a young woman asking for a young man regarding seeing a young man, named Johnson. She claims that she’s his sister, and that she is a nurse. Harry Johnson, is of course the joke here, and the lady wants to do a good deed. She said she’d wait for up to 5 hours for Harry Johnson to get out of surgery.

The scene changes and we see three nurses laughing and giggling in a hallway. They said that they should give a bath to a random guy, and that he’s a fun dude to hang with. The women come through, and we get into a room where you know it’s a set. There’s a makeshift door, a blue wall with a 2 x 4 cross beam in the background. This is a set, you can tell by the way the shots are setup, and the women come in from an outer hallway. The shadows are cast as though there are studio lights overhead and off screen, while a hard camera and director situate themselves away from the action. Immediately, one of the women takes off her white panties, and we start to move forward to what will be the next sex scene. The women approach Peter North, as he is sleeping, and they all talk about what they should do first. One of them suggests that they use their tongue to wake him up. Bionca, Lynn Franciss, and Sheena Horne are the 3 women here, and they each have small breasts, thin frames, and large 1980s hairspray hair. They are straight out of the 1980s with their style, and all are wearing the white nurses uniforms that all nurses wore back in the proverbial day. There are two blondes and two brunettes getting in on the action, and immediately get Peter North hard. The women leave North asleep, and start to make out, and then do themselves while he is asleep. North has an odd penis here, where it flops up towards him, like he was using a penis pump, and it’s not all the way hard, until he starts to rub it and bring it up straight. There’s a terrible rock soundtrack, and the camera moves in front of him stroking, classic North style. The women get naked at this point. Through the shifting of the women’s positions, we get a threesome that is somewhat slow and steady, with North not wearing a condom, and the women taking turns riding him as he wakes up from his coma. The end comes with a Peter North cum blast on two women, and that’s about it. They dubbed the moaning! That’s when I notice they dubbed the freakin moaning! This scene was fast and simple.

Joey Silvera looks like Kurt Vonnegut by the way!

After the fourway sex scene we see Joey Silvera coming through and talking about how his head hurts. He talks about how he is having a hard time dealing with certain things. He then tells the head nurse that he’s on a mission and can’t seem to find the answers. Then goes to the Johnson sister and she talks to him a little.

We then move to the locker room, or break room, so to speak. It’s where the lockers are, and we see Keisha, a busty brunette with too much makeup, and Jose Duval. Duval is a thin, older looking dude, and he immediately jumps into the scene and takes over saying he is the man that wrestles himself, nude, and starts to take his clothing off in front of Keisha. Keisha is wearing a nurses uniform, is somewhat tall, has natural breasts, and without makeup, wouldn’t look so great. The dude is older, Duval is wearing a black thong, and he starts to wrestle himself. Duval is the luckiest man in porno, because this is too funny to me. He tries to wrestle himself, before Keisha starts to rub herself. This is a low point in the movie, as you see that he wrestles himself, and he says that sometimes he loses himself. Keisha asks him if he has ever wrestled a man, and Duval said that he has never wrestled them, but he would totally wrestle her. Keisha starts to suck the old man off, and he has a hard time taking the bra off of his woman, but she continues to suck Duval in a slow, methodical manner. The old man and the woman do it doggy style, and it’s a lackluster scene with a cum shot that is not that great. Duval does not have a big penis, or anything, and the cum blast is short, before the end shows Keisha sucking him off, and then tells hi m that he is very attractive, and then we move forward. That was beyond the lowest of the low in terms of sex. Duval is hairy, skinny, and while Keisha is good here, she’s not great, and just goes through the motions.

We move along and we see a woman praying with Peter North. There’s a prayer that occurs here, with Siobhan Hunter, a tall, red haired woman that claims she is a nun in an order of certain women. She prays a little with Peter North then begins to suck him off, fully clothed, mind you, until John Leslie walks in on them. The terrible music comes in, and Leslie starts to take off her shirt. We see more of Hunter’s body, and she has long red hair, small breasts, and light skin. The music throws me off, as I try to make sense of the room, which is terribly lit this time, with a two camera model that is just bad as the editing moves through several hard cuts. During this sequences, Leslie goes from behind while Peter North gets blown while John Leslie forces Hunter to bite a condom package open, then the camera slows down for her to start having sex with North, without the condom, mind you. We then see the action, and it’s Leslie with a condom going in anal, while North goes in the other side. You get double penetration here, and the condom is so yellow, and so dark, while the sex continues, and the two men have their way with this woman. The finish shows Leslie taking off his condom, then cumming on her backside while holding the condom in the other hand, while the soft keyboard music plays, and then Leslie walks away. While Leslie goes to another bed, North is finished off, but we don’t see a a cum shot, just a hard cut as he says that the nurses are too much.

There’s a hard cut, and we see the head nurse talking to Joey Silvera as he comes through and says that she has stolen all of their uniforms. So we see the head nurse yelling at Silvera, and saying that the nun stole clothing and what not. We then see Silvera in a bath robe run away, and then ask for Linda to come through and help him. out. The movie shows Silvera talking to a nurse and just talking about adoration, and how he wants her to work with him.

We get a long shot, then into the sex, as Joey Silvera and Bionca have sex on the floor of the hospital. Continuity wise this makes little sense, and why would they have sex on the hard floor in a hospital? For goodness sakes, this has only a couple of positions, and back and forth, with Silvera trying to hang on for a short romp. Silvera is rock hard, and goes into Bionca straight way, with her legs up, and him pushing in with bad kissing. Silvera tries to kiss Bionca at the one hour mark, and it shows that she isn’t into kissing, and it throws me off a little. There is a cum shot, and a random teddy bear, yes a teddy bear in a mop bucket watching them.

After that, we end up going forward to the waiting room, where the nurses are talking to the nun. She said that she is not the inspector, and is just a nun and is waiting for her brother. She says that the women are prostitutes, and that they are nothing short of being sluts. That’s it. We then see Silvera and Bionca cuddling and that’s about it.

The last scene shows the janitor and Lois Ayres. Ayres comes into his work area and just says that he needs to be quiet and do her now. Lois Ayres is the head nurse, she’s very blonde. Ayres and Steve Henessey starts to kiss, and we get a terrible view from above. They are supposed to be in a janitor’s closet, but the makeshift walls are obviously fake, and the scene moves fast into a blow job. Lois Ayres bleach blonde hair and white pale skin allows for contrast with Steve’s dark skin. She blows him and the music intensifies, before they start to get into the sex, which isn’t too good, but hey there’s no condom here. The sex is a quicky at best, and it is heavily edited, so you only get a few pumps before Henessey cums and that’s it. It’s at this point that I think Lois Ayres is wearing a wig. The two have sex, it’s quick, and he cums and it’s not romantic at all, but then again, it doesn’t need to be. The camera barely hits penetration, and the dubbing is just so bad here, that I don’t want to see it. It slows down at the cum shot, but you don’t see it, it just slows down, and we get a hard cut.

The camera zooms in and the music starts to get louder, and we get a hard cut back to the lobby and we realize that it’s Henry Johnson not Harry Johnson, but it doesn’t matter. Silvera comes back and says he found the uniforms and then we see everyone laughing. She comes through and says that the inspection is being done by Edwin Justice, and then Duval comes through and said he’s the man that wrestles himself, and that’s it. He gets carted away, the women and the guys look at one another, and says that they all passed the inspection.

I give “Night Shift Nurses” a 2 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worse nurse themed porno movie that I’ve ever seen, and at the same time, I’m attracted to nurse movies, because I love the uniforms. It’s not a terrible movie, but it’s far from good, a 2 out of 5, as it had a good plot, but other than that, I’ll pass on a repeat viewing. But hey, why not check out "Night Shift Nurses" anyway?

Viper’s Place (1987) Review

Viper's Place (1987) DVD Cover

We are going to venture in the late 1980s for a review of a movie that is synonymous with an actress that really is quite fascinating to me. Her name is Viper and she has a large tatoo on the side of her body. This movie is called, “Viper’s Place” and it was directed by Bob Vosse and was distributed by Vidco Entertainment. Released in 1987, this looks like something that you’d see in movie theaters or perhaps straight to VHS, but today, we are watching it from a different angle. The movie stars Erica Boyer, Mauvais DeNoir, Betty Boobs, Joey Silvera, Tom Byron, Nina Hartley, Siobhan Hunter, Mike Horner, Billy Dee, and of course Viper. The movie has an innocent enough idea, a woman owns a bar and gets into all sorts of interesting scenarios, having sex with a variety of people, right? Well that’s what it’s supposed to be, but maybe there’s more to it? I don’t know. Let’s find out with this review.

We start the movie with Viper talking to Tom Byron. Byron has a mustache for this movie, making him look a little older than he is in other movies from the same time frame. In this one, he starts talking to Viper and reminds her of the time they had sex on the bar, and we go to that scene.

Viper is dancing on the bar and attracts Tom Byron, then starts to blow him. Viper is unique in that she’s very tall, nearly 6 foot tall, has short reddish brown hair, and a large tattoo on her body. She is enthusiastic in this scene, blowing Byron with a mix of rock and jazz music in a bar. The two engage in 69 for a while before getting into the sex. This is an older movie so the set is a bit dark and not well lit, but the two start having sex on the top of a bar, with one leg up and both standing. This is a stellar visual to see, and it really does well to reflect a unique sexual position. Viper and Byron are nearly the same height and her flexibility is interesting with her leg up, which I’m completely fascinated by overall. After a few positions, including doggy, and what I could only see as anal, since the VHS copy I’m reviewing is a little bit fuzzy, the scene aims towards an ending in which Viper blows Byron and finishes, that’s it.

The scene fades and we see Viper and Byron smoking cigarettes and talking about the good times, and that’s when a couple of women show up and want to go to the back room.

The next scene starts and it’s Erica Boyer and Mauvais DeNoir. The two women are polar opposites of one another. Erica Boyer is a rock star looking blonde hair woman, and Mauvais DeNoir is an African American woman with a slightly bigger frame than Boyer. The two are great here, and they go through the motions of oral, fingers, and much more in a passionate sequence of kissing and jazz music on a pool table. Fans of 1980s lesbian sex will enjoy the angles that are shown here and it’s a fascinating look at porno with two women. The two have a bit of passion, more so than the original opening scene, and you see both get wet and really know what they are doing overall, a nice nod to some passion is nice.

After the sex ends, we are taken back to the bar and Joey Silvera shows up with a friend. They sit down and just start to talk about different things from the past. They talk about how Silvera is a lady’s man and they are going to drink, etc.

After some small talk, we start go away from the drinking and smoking to the sex. But it’s creatively placed, as we are taken to the jukebox. Silvera talks about a blonde haired woman with huge breasts, and then he imagines her while he is by the jukebox. She then comes out of it, after dancing, and we are into the next sex scene. In this sex scene we see Joey Silvera and Betty Boobs having sex. She is not shaved, they don’t use condoms, and she has enormous, near cartoon like large breasts for her frame. There’s a rockabilly tune playing for this one, and it’s not a long sex scene, just some Russian play, then eventually Silvera cums on her breasts, and then returns to the bar to talk. This wasn’t grand, and wasn’t that sexy, it’s just kind of a novelty. Silvera didn’t even last that long, and well, that’s the end.

After some more chit chat, we are taken to a back room where Tom Byron is playing pool and then starts talking to Nina Hartley. Hartley is a blonde haired milf today, and here she’s a bit younger, and yet has an amazing body. She is tall, blonde, and pale, with a girl next door look and seems like a teacher when she is unwrapping her clothes for this scene. Tom Byron and Nina Hartley start making out on a pool table and then start to work through the sex that you’d expect. The two work their way from oral to Hartley mounting Byron on the pool table and just going through the motions. It’s not a raucous scene, the two have a little chemistry, but it’s not that grand. It’s a very “mechanical” sex scene, with few stand out moments, and Hartley looking good as always. Around the 35 minute mark she moans a bit more, but the music takes away from the overall look and feel of the scene. There’s not a whole lot to say about this one, it’s straight forward, Hartley and Byron are professionals, and he finishes without a big money shot. It’s not that great, but the setting works as it’s the back room of Viper’s place.

After the sex scene we go back to the bar and we hear more stories of sexual conquest.

After some set changes we see Siobhan Hunter in lingerie folding clothes. Then Billy Dee comes inside and talks to her. The two make small talk and then go to an average 1980s bedroom and begin to make out a little. That of course leads to sex, and Siobhan Hunter gets head from Billy Dee to start. Siobhan Hunter is a tall brunette with a very girl next door look to her. She’s not completely shaved, she’s not a hard boy, and truly encompasses that “soft”, girl next door look, with B cup breasts, and a beautiful face, with light makeup. There’s a focus on foreplay before Billy Dee goes forward with no condom into Hunter. He’s not huge, and she’s partially shaved, so you see all of the movement into her. She moans slightly and the two have what is normal sex, nothing too fascinating here. It’s back and forth, she doesn’t seem to get that wet, and masturbates while he tries to get off. With reverse cowgirl things really get going, and the two start to have some chemistry with the sex, even though the music is annoying. Dee then announces that he’s going to cum and cums onto Hunter’s pubic hair, and then she blows him to the finish.

The screen fades back to the bar and we are taken back to talking. Viper and Byron talk a bit more about the past and they just talk about sex, etc.

After a few moments, we are taken to a pay phone in the back of the bar, or what appears to be near the bar, I’m not sure. It’s there that Siobhan Hunter and Mike Horner are talking, and then out of the blue, start to make out some. There’s a funky bass line and keyboard that starts playing, and then we start to see something grand go down. Siobhan Hunter and Mike Horner start working towards sex with a blow job to start things off. Hunter looks amazing here again, this time in a different dress, and her hair pulled back a little. Horner gets Hunter wet and then starts to have sex, starting with doggy style. It’s a good overall sexual moment, but the two don’t go very long and Horner cums on her backside. The director didn’t move the camera back much, so you really just see the friction and the sex, before Horner answers a pay phone and that’s it. This was heavily cut or just didn’t last too long, I’m not sure which one. It was ok at best, and Hunter is a beautiful woman.

For the final two scenes, we get Billy Dee and Joey Silvera going to have sex with Viper. It doesn’t start that way though. It starts with Viper dancing, then blowing Billy Dee after a while. There’s a build up of music that comes through and it’s all instrumental overall. Then we see Viper really getting into her blow job with Dee, and Silvera steps aside. After some oral, she gets on top for Reverse Cowgirl and that is really good. It’s a sexy look and scene, and Viper starts to moan a great deal and gets really hot for this option. She really does well here in reverse cowgirl, while Joey Silvera waits for his turn. After some time, Joey Silvera tags in and has sex with Viper. She’s wearing black heels, and the two go forward with hard, fast sex, after Billy Dee lets loose. The ending sequences has Viper’s legs nearly over her head and it’s quite good, and really sexy to watch. Silvera does well with Viper here, and eventually cums, and she is all about it. Silvera and Viper have some real chemistry towards the end, and it makes for a great ending sequence if you ask me.

The sex stops, and the scene ends, roll credits.

I give “Viper’s Place” a 3 out of 5.

Overall, the movie isn’t that bad. It has some bright spots, a good premise, some nice sets, but the sex is mechanical until the end. Viper makes the final sequence work with Billy Dee and Joey Silvera, but other than that, the sex is a bit too lackluster, with the exception of the women’s scene. The lesbian scene was good, but everything else was a bit boring, and hum drum. I can’t give this a higher rating, but that ending definitely lifted it, alongside the bar set.

For those that are curious about Viper, or just want to check out this movie in the remastered DVD format, you can buy it or stream it by clicking HERE. You get 15 minutes free just for checking it out, or buy it and help the site!

Trampire (1987) Review

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Black To The Future (1987) Review

Black To The Future (1987) Cover

After taking a little time away to watch and write more for this site, we are back. Today we are going to be firing up our time machine for porno and going to a movie that parodies one of my favorite movies of all time. That’s right, we are going to be reviewing “Black to The Future”. This movie came out in 1987, and it is a parody porno from the 1980s, and it makes fun of “Back to the Future”. This is not to be confused with the other parodies that I’ve talked about for this site, as this is a completely different parody from a different studio, with different actors. This movie is directed by Charlie Diamond, and was distributed by Vidco Entertainment. “Black to the Future” stars Tish Ambrose, Buddy Love, Frank James, Robbie Dee, Kristara Barrington, Melissa Melendez, Erica Boyer, and Herschel Savage. You’ll recognize a few of these actors from other movies, and some new comers as well. This was made in 1987, so you may find that the tropes that come from that era are alive and well.

The movie starts with a four way sex scene. This first sex scene features Tish Ambrose, Buddy Love, Frank James, and Robbie Dee. Tish Ambrose is a pretty blonde haired woman with naturally wavy hair, red stockings, and heels on. She has B cups if I can gauge them correctly, and takes turn with 3 guys, all of whom are hard for this one. Each one takes turn in what seems like a trash bag set. The walls are made of black vinyl, there’s a blow up doll in the corner, and the focus is on her and the sex at hand. She moans a bit, and at one point there is a slow down in the erections, which is funny, but for the most part, the guys are into it, and she seems to like the process as well. After some switching, there’s a point where there’s anal action, and that’s an interesting turn. Overall, however, this is a fast paced, odd sex scene with a lot of moaning, and some limp penises here and there. I hate to see a porn actor struggle, but it happens here and there. Ambrose takes a lot in this scene, and it’s not half bad, but it’s just hardcore, without feeling, and feels mechanical at times. That’s all I can really say about this one, it’s mechanical, with an odd set, and music that comes in and out here and there. There is anal focused on towards the 10 minute mark, so if you’re a fan of interracial anal, it happens here, and it makes Ambrose scream when it happens. After some back and forth, and weird things going on in the background, the guys cum, and that’s the end, they all cum on her, and she smiles, and the camera has a hard cut to a telephone.

On the telephone there’s a punk girl that answers a call from a professor. She says that payment can be made now that the fantasy has been fulfilled. The woman smiles, and we go back to the sex scene a bit, but then the woman picks up the phone and starts to dial away. She’s in crazy make up and a wig. She calls an android, and there’s a weird voice on the other line. The plot is found out here. We see the punk chick is an alien, and she is conducting an experiment in human sexuality to find out what is going on with humanoids, etc. She answers the phone, and as the camera pulls back, we see that’s she is nude. She gives people fantasies, and that’s what this seems to be. There’s no costs, apparently, and there’s a location where people show up and enjoy the fantasy world of sex.

There’s a hard camera cut and we hear some futuristic music. The only thing that I can say about this is that it has the name credentials of a parody, but the plot is nothing like the movie it’s making fun of. The hard cut takes us to a pin super futuristic car. This thing looks like something out of hot wheels, mind you. Inside of the car is a bed, and it’s a really cool set to look at. A woman shows up and gets into the car, and our alien starts to drive it and away we go. A bunch of smoke comes through and we are taken to a new place. It’s here that we see a sexual romp occur. An Asian woman asks about if a dude is really hung, and then there we go forward.

In what appears to be a speak easy, we see Kristara Barrington and Buddy Love start with a blow job. There’s romantic saxophone music playing underneath, Buddy Love wears a cap and sunglasses, and watches Barrington blow him in a speakeasy. This is just a blow job scene from what I can gather as the two don’t really get into sex. There’s a cut from the camera back to the phone room, and that’s where go next.

The camera cuts to what is supposed to be ancient Egypt. Here we see a random ddue having sex with a blow up doll. I kid you not. There’s some bass heavy music, and it’s a guy on a leopard print rug having sex with a blow up doll! He then cums on it, and that’s this scene. As he starts to cum, the woman becomes real, although the scene switches between different elements. This is supposed to be Melissa Melendez and Frank James, mind you.

The camera cuts, and we are taken to a fireplace, in a den. Here we see Kristara Barrington and Buddy Love going back to oral. This is obviously where we are going to see some sex, right? We do get a little bit of doggy style, but it doesn’t last that long. It’s a basic scene if you ask me, and no real romance or passion. It’s mechanical, Barrington barely moans until towards the finish line, and Buddy Love doesn’t seem to be that aroused at first, so it’s just a standard mechanical sex scene with no real payoff. Barrington is an Asian lady, by the way, with black hair, and a thin frame.

The camera cuts and we are back to Melissa Melendez and Frank James having sex. It’s supposed to be Cleopatra, mind you, but the set is completely cheap and funny to look at. The sex is fine here, mechanical as ever, but the director decides to cut back to Love and Barrington.

Buddy Love cums on Kristara Barrington and that’s it. There was a hard cut to this, and we see the finale of their sex scene. I do not understand why directors do this, but it’s the most annoying thing about 1980s porno movie editing if you ask me.

The camera cuts again and this time we are back to see Melissa Melendez and Frank James in doggy style, going for anal. It’s not a bad sex scene, Melissa Melendez has the face of Katy Perry, but lacks the big breasts, and is dolled up with gold and other elements from Egypt. Frank James cums on Melendez’s face and she turns to the camera and asks, “are you sure this is how Elizabeth Taylor got started”? Then we get a hard cut to the next scene.

We see Erica Boyer get into the bright pink car, and she is looking great. Boyer is a blonde haired rock star type, and she has black pumps and a sports jersey as she gets into the back of the pink time machine. Meanwhile, we see Herschel Savage talking to the camera and he says that he should be the director, and that’s it.

Two women come into the scene, and we’re back to that original set with the trash bag walls. Tish Ambrose and Erica Boyer start to kiss. Ambrose has the pink punk hair and the looks from the phone call set that was shown earlier. Boyer and Ambrose start to have sex, in a passionate lesbian scene that features a lot of fingers, oral, and much more. There’s a vibrator introduced at one point, and something that is somewhat simple to see and focus on overall. The scene isn’t half bad, the two work up a good sweat and they use the vibrator, fingers, and more to full effect. After some orgasms from the vibrator, Herschel Savage shows up and starts to get into the mix.

In the progression from the scene, we see Herschel Savage take on Erica Boyer. Boyer takes it all in, and the two have sex on the floor of the set. It’s mainly one position for the most part, Boyer doesn’t really moan much, and the two just go straight through the sex. Eventually Savage cums on Boyer’s face, and that’s it. It’s mechanical, there’s barely any moaning, it’s short, and the rock instrumental in the backdrop sucks. Boyer is left on the floor with the director zooming into her face, and the sex is done, the sound stops, and we just see a blur occur.

After this sex scene, we see our punk haired woman talking about how they have completed the science experiment. The movie ends, the credits roll, and that’s the end of this one.

I give “Black To The Future” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps one of the worst porno movies I’ve ever seen. However, I really liked the car, and the interior of the car. The rest of the movie is awful, with no good passionate sex scene, but there is a little creativity here and there. Other than that, I can’t really give this a good grade. It’s interesting for collectors and for a good laugh amongst friends, so there’s that.

If you want to check out "Black to the Future" from 1987, you can do so by clicking HERE to stream it for as little as $3.99! Also, sign up and get 15 minutes FREE so you can see how cool the car is, and how the sex in this movie is. 

Satin Angels (1987) Review

Satin Angels (1987) Poster

I got tired of the 1990s and so decided to dial the time machine back a little to go to 1987. Of course that’s not too far away from the 1990s, but the difference between movies in the 1980s and any other time in the world of pornography is quite different. I can truly say that there is a lot of interesting elements that come through. “Satin Angels” came out in 1987 and it stars a lot of different actors. The stars of this movie include John Leslie, Nina DePonca, Peter North, Samantha Strong, Shone Taylor, Frankie Leigh, and Tiaja Rae. These actors make up the whole movie, and there’s a lot of scenes. The movie is directed by John T. Boone, and was distributed by Western Visuals. This movie just randomly showed up on my radar and well, let’s get into what very well could be a nice change of pace from the past few reviews that were a bit more modern.

The movie starts with a calm introduction to the movie with the title screen and the stars of the movie. There’s a bit of a country music theme here and we are not immediately taken to the sex, which is a moniker of the 1980s scene in many ways.

Once the credits roll, we see a card driving through a farm land. It’s a limo, and a woman opens up her window and says that she’s visiting her cousin. The lady is a blonde haired woman that looks a little like Traci Lords, but isn’t. The scene switches and we see a woman talking to a maid, enjoying a little orange juice in the shade. After some time out comes another woman, and she is carrying a saddle. The lady doesn’t like that the blonde is there. The plot thickens, and we are shown a room where the blonde and the maid talk and in a mirror there’s John Leslie nude, and he is wondering where the “slut” went. The two then move forward with the plot, talking about the gardener and nothing much else. The production value of these sequences are soap opera level, with nothing too fancy, although the sets are real, and it’s a legitimate Bread and Breakfast or just someone’s home that’s been fully decorated. There’s no nudity until the 5 minute mark when we see our blonde take her top off and wrap a towel around herself. She says she’s going to take a shower, and the camera just follows. After a quick wipe, we immediately go to the sex which starts at around the sixth minute mark.

The first major sex scene features Taija Rae and John Leslie. Leslie is an old school actor that made a name for himself through the golden age of porn, and Taija Rae is a blonde haired all natural big breasted woman that has 1980s rocker hair. The scene starts with a blow job, and then some romantic music starts coming in, which sucks. The set looks like a cheap motel, mind you, and the lighting is a bit off, low, but the camera goes to the action. The two have a bit of chemistry and it shows when Rae gets on top and starts to really get into the sex. The interesting aspect of this scene is that the bed they are on squeaks loudly. The blonde interrupts them at one point, but they get back to the sex. Taija Rae is not too skinny, she has some natural curves and when she’s having sex with Leslie you can see them move, she’s all woman, that’s for sure. No one is shaved, no one has condoms, this is the 1980s at its finest. Rae moans a great deal and while they switch positions, she keeps her lingerie on, and really looks good in this sequence. The only bad part is the music is terrible, and I mean completely terrible. However, Rae’s moans get so loud that it’s well worth checking out just for her scene. After a good amount of sex, Leslie finishes on Rae’s breasts and that’s the end. Nothing too crazy here, and it finishes with Leslie and Rae making out as the screen goes black.

When the camera comes back on, we see Taija Rae and Samantha Strong (the blonde from the beginning of the movie) talking, and Rae sparks a conversation saying, “what is this! Look”, and then brings Taija Rae’s face to her vagina.

In the second sex scene we see Taija Rae and Samantha Strong going through the motions of lesbian sex. The music ramps up and it’s a knock off of “Bad To The Bone” with instrumental loops, keyboards, and other crappy sound design. I hate the music in this movie, and it really takes me away from the whole thing. However, the two women are great, licking, using fingers, and really getting into the action. At around the 14 minute mark, there’s a sequence that appears to be filmed on a better format camera, but then switches back to regular porn-chic. Samantha Strong looks so much like Traci Lords at certain points you’ll swear it’s her. The two go through the motions of sex, fingering, and more, and you hear the moans a bit though it’s more of a terrible music video than anything else. The sex is fine, but it’s not nearly as good as some of the other lesbian scenes that I’ve reviewed on this blog.

The scene ends, and the two stare off into the distance, and we go back to the plot, which is razor thin at this point. We see Samantha Strong talking with Leslie for a second then going to the farm and just watching what is going on. A random dude is working out, and she watches him longingly. She then walks over to where he is and the two talk a bit, before Taylor and Strong kiss, and then we go forward to a very fascinating scene.

In what may be the strangest start to a sex scene, we are treated to an interesting use to a belt sander. I kid you not. Shone Taylor and Samantha Strong start a sex scene where Taylor uses a sander on Strong’s vagina and gets her to cum like a roaring storm, and it’s fascinating to say the least. The two start to kiss and looks like they are going to have sex after the vibrations of the machinery, and at one point Taylor even has his penis out for Strong to use her hands on. He sticks it in, and in comes Strong’s overbearing aunt, and stops the sex. Taylor zips up hard and it looks painful. Strong leaves with one last kiss, and the scene fades.

In the next scene we see John Leslie walking around the house naked while the family sits in the kitchen talking. They are all dressed up in what seems like 1980s prom dresses. They seem to be going out, or something, and it’s an interesting push forward. Peter North calls over the maid and says that after dinner they are going to get it on. We are then taken to a sequence with light piano music and a champagne glass. It’s Nina DePonca talking to Peter North by candlelight.

The two start to kiss, and here we go, the next sex scene. Peter North starts to makeout with Nina DePonca on a piano bench. Nina DePonca is an Afro-Asian looking woman with brown skin, dark eyes, black hair, and a maid’s outfit here. She’s thin, and has a small mouth compared to Peter North’s penis. There is a romantic music score playing while North gets a blow job, all dressed up. DePonca reveals here all natural breasts, and the two continue their movement towards sex starting with a blow job that leads to a handjob and more mouth action. After some of this, DePonca gets on top and the two have sex on a piano bench with North below DePonca. The two go up and down and it’s not half bad, it’s adequate. DePonca moans a bit, and the sex isn’t completely nude, while the set looks to be a music studio of sorts. The music here isn’t half bad compared to the rest of the film, which is an interesting touch. DePonca has a full set of lingerie, garters, and keeps a great deal on, including her panties which are taken to the side. At the 36 minute mark the two really start to get into this thing, and the chemistry is real with DePonca nearly tearing North’s shirt, and pushing him hard to get more into her. After some time on the bench, North picks up the woman and the two start to make noise on the piano while humping and it’s funny to see. It makes an annoying sound obviously, but it’s a funny little moment to watch. The two go at it for a long time, change positions, getting on top of the piano, on the floor, and more. It seems to be a continual shot with few edits too. As they are going forward Samantha Strong shows up and asks, what are you doing here? Strong says that she won’t tell anyone if they share. The scene continues and now, it’s a threeway! Samantha Strong, Nina DePonca, and Peter North start a threeway sex scene in what appears to be another room. A strong saxophone lead jazz tune starts, and it’s a classic send up to the 1980s music scene, like you’d here in a Cannon action film. This trio doesn’t have sex that long, and Strong does get into doggy style for a bit after getting some oral from North. After some time, and not long, North can’t hold it in and he drops a load for the money shot of this scene. North unloads a hard cum blast into Strong’s mouth and face, and she continues to blow him after the fact, making it one hell of an ending overall. This scene looks to be one long take too, which is interesting, and as the camera fades you can see that they didn’t leave the room, it’s still in the piano room, so it wasn’t half bad.

Moving forward, we see Taija Rae and Frankie Leigh talking about how they don’t trust anyone, and they just laugh together in lingerie. After a few moments, Leigh gets to Rae and starts to giver her oral. Frankie Leigh is a tall, black haired, pale skin woman that looks older here, and Rae looks far younger. Either way, the two start to have lesbian sex in a bedroom set that looks all too familiar. There’s a 1980s style saxophone driven rock song in the background, as the moans get louder and louder from Rae. The two exchange oral sex until John Leslie shows up. John Leslie, Frankie Leigh, and Taija Rae begin a sexual romp. It’s a smooth transition where Leslie receives a blow job and gets hard while watching the two women go at it. He keeps asking for some action, and the women are more involved with one another than paying attention to him. At the 50 minute mark, they have a hard time getting Leigh’s bra off, which is funny to see. After asking to get in on the action through the whole second half of this scene, Leslie finally gets to enter Leigh, while she gives Rae oral. No one’s shaved here, and the sex is average at best, with Leslie not really getting much traction and just looking at going through the motions. There’s little moaning here and there, and it’s obvious that the chemistry just isn’t that great between the actors for this particular scene. After some time going in and out Leslie cums on Rae’s pubic hair, and then the two women just keep kissing. Leslie looks mad, but the scene fades to black and we are taken to another part of the house.

In the kitchen we catch up with Shone Taylor. He’s just standing around when Samantha Strong comes in and the two talk a bit. He says that she’s gorgeous, and then she replies with, “gorgeous enough to have sex with”, or something like that, I got distracted for a second.

The final sex scene features Samantha Strong and Shone Taylor in the kitchen of what we assume is a country mansion. At this point we get a little pay off from the earlier scene that the two had. Shone Taylor is a blonde haired “every man”, and doesn’t have a huge penis or anything. Strong looks like Traci Lords here, with the makeup that makes her look just like her, and the throws and moans that are a bit over-reacted like the latter. The two have extreme chemistry though, and at the 59 minute mark Strong really cums hard with oral, and it’s perhaps a great touch here. The two seem to genuinely like each other and go nuts here. The music is a 1980s keyboard driven tune and that’s about it. After some oral, the two go through some hard sex on the counter of the kitchen, and the two scream together, which is interesting. There’s a great deal of sweat and focus here, and the two really get into the actual sex, which is always a great thing to see when you’re reviewing porno movies. It seems genuine, too. There’s no money shot here, and it looks as though Taylor cums inside Samantha Strong for this scene, but we don’t see that finish, it just kind of stops.

After the sex is done, the two embrace and kiss, but it seems as though Taylor has another thing on his mind. He keeps complimenting Strong, but he turns around and grabs a bottle of wine and pours it on her. He claims that he’s mad from earlier and he pours a whole bottle of wine on her. She slaps him, and the two have a little bit of a back and forth. Then Shone Taylor picks up Strong and places her on the counter and receives a blow job and mouth sex the likes you only see in modern porno as a standard. It’s here that you finally see that money shot, and after he cums Strong keeps sucking, and it truly is a glorious finish to the overall movie, although the plot has completely been thrown out the window at this point.

After the sex is over, we see the real motive behind Samantha’s visit. Samantha says that she was there in secret to ensure that a message was sent. And that’s the fact that Samantha now owns the house and everything, and that she’s going on her honeymoon with Shone Taylor, and that’s that. The end of this 1980s romp.

I give “Satin Angels” a 3 out of 5.

Overall, the music sucks. It was too loud, and it wasn’t that great to listen to. However, there are two major sex scenes that I enjoyed, including the final sex scene. The final sex scene here is one of epic proportions for me, as it looked like the two were really having fun, and it wasn’t just going through the motions of sex. The opening scene was good too, but nothing as good as the final scene that featured Shone Taylor and Samantha Strong. For that alone, this gets a 3 out of 5.

This classic 1980s porno is available for streaming and purchase by clicking here. You can get 15 minutes free if you click here and sign up! Plus the full movie is here, so why not check out that final scene? Seriously. Click here for “Satin Angels” in full.

Ramb-Ohh 2: The Sex Platoon (1987) Review

Ramb-Ohh II: The Sex Platoon Cover

A while back I reviewed the parody porno movie called Rambo-ohh! And it was awful. Well, it had a few moments, but it wasn’t exactly living up to the source material, and honestly, how can it? It’s a porno, right? You can read my review of the first Rambo-ohh! By clicking here. Today we are going to visit the 1987 sequel that stars Peter North, and it’s a direct sequel to the original. This movie is called “Rambo-ohh 2: The Sex Platoon” and it was released in 1987. This movie stars Alicia Monet, Megan Leigh, Tiffany Storm, Tracey Adams, Billy Dee, Peter North, Mike Horner, and Jerry Butler. The starting of the movie is lower quality than the original, as it is not filmed with “film” cameras, but rather looks to be direct to VHS or Beta Max quality. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s definitely noticeable.

The movie starts with Peter North running with a platoon of women. They are scantily clad and he’s got camouflage pants and that’s it. The credits start and he commands that they follow his lead and then run 5 miles.

After the credits we go to a den. In the den there is Alicia Monet in a nice dress, and Peter North in a bright blue polo. He is just sitting there and the two start talking. One thing leads to another and Alicia Monet disrobes, and gets on her knees to start sucking off Peter North. This first sex scene occurs within the first 5 minutes of the movie, reminding you exactly what you’re watching. It is a standard starting line with Peter North not immediately hard, but getting there as Monet works things out to a standing ovation. Monet is a tall, brunette with curly hair, and Peter North is still young with a mullet, and what Jenna Jameson called a soda can penis that ripped her up. The camera is clean here, no harsh editing, and is actually remastered or something because the lighting in this den is far more modern than the original movie, and is actually a testament to whomever did the editing and production. The blow job is good, there’s no music here, just the sounds of sucking, moaning, and breathing. The scene goes from Peter North getting blown to Monet laying on her shoulders with her legs split, and North dropping in like an anchor into her. I am not aware of this position’s name, but it’s unique, and it is certainly not something that many couples are doing. Monet has blue eyes, isn’t completely shaved, and has natural breasts. Peter North is completely shaved, from what I can tell, but he keeps his polo on during this scene, concentrating while Monet moans and gets done well. There’s sweat in this one, no condom, and a set that looks like your uncle’s den, complete with lazy boy and fireplace. There are multiple positions here, and eventually North cums on a nice load on Monet’s pubic mound, which she rubs out and into herself, in a glistening array of finality. This is one hell of a finish, but the director cuts to North making vinegar strokes, and throws me off. Otherwise, this ending is quite sensual, leaving North completely spent.

The scene changes, and shows Monet using a knife to tell North that she has what she came for, which allows North to pull a gun. He says don’t let your guard down and don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. He then removes his polo and then he turns to the camera and says to be ready for the big exam at dawn.

We go to dawn, and Peter North is in camo. He says that they all have to seduce males and get their secret papers.

The next scene features Megan Leigh crying about how she’s not like other girls and that she can’t do what others do. Mike Horner is the guy that she’s supposed to seduce, and he gives up his papers fast, and tells Leigh that she doesn’t have to work so hard. The two then start to disrobe and we start the next sex scene.

Megan Leigh and Mike Horner start with a little foreplay, no music, and a makeshift bed in a warehouse setting. The lighting is once again good, and it’s an interesting choice to only have the sounds of sex. Megan Leigh is a blonde haired woman with natural breasts, painted finger nails, and partially shaved pubic region. She makes a lot of noise throughout, and Mike Horner looks a lot like a SNL alumnus. The opening blow job from Megan Leigh is sensual, slow, and focused. She gives a good deep throat at one point, and this scene looks like something that is more modern than anything else. She uses her hands, she strokes Horner well, and honestly, the two have a lot of chemistry together, and it shows. This is no doubt one of the better starts to a sex scene, and a spectacular blow job to start the sex. After that, Horner gets on top and starts to move his hips into Megan Leigh. Leigh’s moans are a bit much considering, but the close up of the insertion shows you that she’s wet and responding well to Mike Horner’s pushing. At a certain point they go into doggy style, and Horner looks to be in work mode while Leigh is just trying to stay up and into the whole thing. They seem to lose steam around the 27-minute mark and are out of sync having sex, with Leigh’s sounds getting more theatrical for what seems like no reason if you ask me. Horner eventually cums on her butt and she goes back to pull on it a little, and that’s the end. This is just an average sex scene with a good opening. The blow job leads to a sex scene that is a bit uninspired if you ask me.

The scene fades, and we go to another section of the final exam for the women.

Moving along we see Alicia Monet seducing Jerry Butler. This scene is outdoors and has no music as the other scenes. The two have sex under a makeshift tent, and it’s straightforward. Jerry Butler plays an Indian guru, and says that she cannot have sex with him. Monet then drops to her knees and starts to blow Butler. He quickly changes his tune, and the two engage in another test for the larger goal of the plot. The two go into 69 at one point, and they just go at it very hard. The reverse cowgirl sequence at the 35 minute mark, for instance, is quite good. Monet has wild curly brown hair, and all natural big breasts. She seems to get into this role quite a bit, and really gives Butler a ride. Multiple positions are done here, and eventually Jerry Butler cums on Monet’s lower back and butt, and that’s the end. Nothing too crazy, but Monet’s performance is quite good, and Butler staying in character is funny as well. The two tire out and then just lay together for a second until Monet steals some documents from him.

The next scene starts and it’s Tiffany Storm trying to steal from Peter North. North finds her, and she takes off her top. Tiffany Storm has large natural breasts, long brown hair, and of course Peter North has signature mullet in this scene. This is a scene that has a military set, and the two go into the action fast. Peter North and Tiffany Storm start to make out and go into oral quite quickly. Both dressed in camouflage, inside a tent with good lighting. Storm gives a good blow job, although a bit slow, and after some oral given to her, North takes down his pants, but leaves them at his ankles and starts to go in sideways on Tiffany Storm. She is not shaved, no condoms used, and the two work out some frustration with relative ease. She seems into it for the most part, moaning, and holding onto the bed as hard as she can as North goes forward with thrusting as much and as hard as he can. After multiple positions, the two land on doggy style for the finale, and the director shows Peter North’s face for his vinegar strokes, and eventually the money shot approaches where North cums on Tiffany Storm’s big breasts.

The scene ends, and we are taken to a lakeside area. There is a tall blonde haired woman looking bored when a man approaches from under the water. He captures her, and she gets scared. Billy Dee threatens Tracey Adams and asks for some sex before she dies. This scene is slow moving, the woman keeping an accent, and Billy Dee giving oral because he doesn’t get nearly as hard when Tracey Adams gives him oral. He eventually gets it up and sticks it in, as the two have sex on the underside of a small boat. This is a little sensual at times, Dee never really pushing too hard and Adams not moaning too loudly. It’s a tame scene with a lot of hair, and just normal sex. It’s kind of boring actually. Once again there are multiple positions and eventually Tracey Adams, looking like Traci Lords lets Dee finish on the boat as he pulls out for the finish. She then sprays him with something and he falls out cold. She then goes for the documents she’s suppose to steal and that’s the end of this scene.

Up next we are taken to a raft in the middle of a lake. It’s here that Tiffany Storm and Jerry Butler start the next scene. Storm goes for a blow job immediately and Butler responds by getting really hard and just letting her do her magic. After some oral, Butler gets Storm to get on her back and he goes in on her. She has large breasts, and the scene is outside, and gets done quickly. Butler and Storm seem to be in work mode for the most part, but there are a few moments where you swear that the two are unique lovers, not “working” but rather just enjoying themselves together. A couple of standard positions and then doggy style occurs, and Storm steals some documents while Butler eventually cums on her back and that’s that. It’s standard porno sex, nothing too exciting after an initially good blow job.

I give Rambo-ohh 2: The Sex Platoon a 2 out of 5.

I appreciated the lighting and remastering done for this release, if that was done at all. I also appreciated the all natural looking women, and the sex for the most part. However, much of the sex was uninspired, and lazy. However, there’s enough here to squeak one out, and while this is better than the first movie, it still isn’t grand. It’s a porno that has nothing to do with the original movie or source material, and honestly, is just an interesting porno to see after you’ve seen the first one. I liked it for the most part, but it’s not great at all. A 2 out of 5 is generous all things considered.

Backside To The Future 2 (1987) Review

Backside To The Future 2 (1987) Poster

Guess what? For this movie we are going back to another sequel. This time around we are going to be going to the year 1987 for a sequel to the movie that I reviewed a while ago called “Backside To The Future”. This of course was a movie that was done by the Zane Group, directed by Val Rosen, and released after the initial one, and while that had nothing to do with the movie “Back To The Future”, this one tries a little harder. Even though this was in 1987, but it doesn’t look like it was played in movie theaters, at least not from the film grain here. It seems like it was filmed on VHS. This comes through fast, with sex up first, right after the credits begin.

The opening scene features a blonde and random dude. They discuss how she can only cum when having sex in a car, and that means that we’re going to straight into the action. The 1980s jazzy music starts and you get a fully realized porn, with cameras inside the car. There’s a lot of chemistry in this one, and by that I mean a lot. I kid you not, this is perhaps the most entertaining and hardcore scene I’ve seen in a long time. The two here have so much chemistry that it is quite good, but here’s the thing, it doesn’t show that much hardcore penetration or anything. It kind of ends in about 5 minutes, and that’s it.

Moving along, the film shows off the DeLorean from the classic 1980s movie. The two couple from the beginning start to get in the car and drive, but it takes them into a new world, a time traveling one!

As the two are going through time, we get a blow job scene featuring Kim Alexis and Don Fernando. This is just a blow job scene, and it’s short, while you get a glimpse of our opening scene’s couple spliced in. The blow job is dirty, and it’s short lived, moving forward to the future, in which we see Joey Silvera and Samantha strong in a futuristic world.

Now, while you’re getting Silvera and Strong having sex in another time frame, the camera cuts back to Kim Alexis and Don Fernando. The blow job turns into full blown sex, and the two are hairy, and all natural. They have sex on a couch, and while it’s workable, they don’t have a lot of chemistry compared to the initial opening scene. The music good though, with a funk bass line and interesting keyboard rhythms to balance out the scene which has lackluster performances for the two. Alexis looks like the girl next door, while Don Fernando looks like a lawyer type. The two have casual sex, and it works, but it’s not very sexy if you ask me. Fernando eventually finishes on Alexis’ back during a guitar solo that is stellar.

That moves forward to the future in which Joey Silvera is having sex with Samantha Strong. Strong is a tall blonde and Silvera has that classic mustache that makes him hilarious to watch. You also see a future couple, whom I can only assume is Alica Monet and Buddy Love. All four of the people are having sex, with the camera focusing on Silvera most of all with a futuristic pair of sunglasses while he has sex. Buddy Love and Monet are good together, as he picks up the woman and goes to town. She’s dressed up with makeup that represents that they are in the future. This sequences is better than Silvera’s, although the camera cuts back and forth between the two. The music has a lot of horns in it, the women aren’t shaved, the men aren’t wearing condoms, and the set design is hilarious, with tin foil and carpeting. It’s a workable scene, but the shadows from the boom mic and director can be seen on the performers, which made me laugh a little. This is workable mind you, but far from sexy again. When the music is the most compelling part at times, you know you’re not watching a great porno. Eventually you get a money shot featuring Silvera as he cums on the blonde’s stomach.

As we move along in the movie, we see the couple thinking that they are in the 1970s. They just move along and talk to with the people that they are meeting, and the story continues, of course, in porno fashion.

Buddy Love and Kim Alexis steal the show at around 40 minutes into the movie. They have some good overall chemistry here, and Alexis is an all natural brunette with large breasts. Of all of the scenes this one truly is one for the ages, as they appear to have a lot of chemistry together. From the blow job sequence further, Alexis and Love really put on a showcase of sexual chemistry. This is an all natural scene, that makes you forget that you’re watching a vintage movie, as it looks like you’re watching a couple of long time lovers enjoy themselves together. While you’re watching this go down, the camera cuts away from the blow job sequence to the back of an old Cadillac. It features Samantha Strong and Don Fernando getting it on. The sex scene in the Cadillac doesn’t show a lot of penetration, it’s rated R and you’ve got a lot of obscured visuals, so you can’t really tell if it’s really going down or not. Meanwhile, you are taken to another scene, this time in a house, where a brunette and a dude are about to make love. According to IAFD this is a random “guy”, while others have stated it was Tom Byron.

The camera cuts back to Buddy Love and Kim Alexis, this Love goes forward with oral on Alexis. But that cuts to the back of a car again, and while this is a rated R scene, you can only imagine that they are doing it. Then the sequence cuts back to what I can only assume is in fact Tom Byron with Lisa Bright. They go at it in a bedroom, and it’s kind of sterile, focusing on the missionary position at first, but that changes the scene again, with the director going back to Buddy Love and Kim Alexis doing it again. This is a little better, with a lot of back and forth, then it switches to the bedroom again. This is a convoluted sexual movie, because there’s no clear defining line of what’s going on, who’s having sex with who, and the editing keeps getting you thrown back to another scene. It’s hard to keep track of names, who’s having sex with who, and the likes. At this point reviewing this becomes a little difficult to manage, but hey, if your goal is to get off, there’s plenty of retro sex to be had.

After this mix up of folks, you are thrown into an orgy scene with everyone in the cast. The music turns into a funky jazz piano tune with electric keyboard. The men and women just go at it on the floor, on a couch, and just move forward with what you’d expect. Here’s the most graphic of the scenes, with close ups of everything, moaning and groaning, hair, and all sorts of penetration. This is perhaps why the director chose to split the sequences throughout the movie? I don’t know. This is an orgy for the ages, but the camera work is awful, which makes me want to give up on the whole thing. It ends there, with the whole movie wrapping up into a funky beat of a movie.

I give “Backside To The Future” a 2 out of 5.

This is an awful movie, and a terrible sequel. I will say that Samantha Strong’s performances were fun to watch, but I am beginning to think that they didn’t really have sex but rather simulated sex in the cars. That’s where she shows off the best moves.

You can check out “Backside To the Future 2” via DVD or VHS, and can stream it of course. If you’re a collector, then you’ll want to watch this overall. If you can find it. I couldn't find another copy so I'll keep my VHS edition.

You can read my review of “Backside To The Future” here, and well, not sure what else to tell you about this one, it’s not worth it, but it’s an interesting look into the history of adult cinema yet again.

Traci I Love You (1987) Review

Traci I Love You DVD/VHS Cover

One of the rabbit holes that I went down in the past few days, trying to set up stuff for this blog was looking into Traci Lords. I already knew her story, but I went deep into all of the different angles, and am not convinced that she was able to fool so many people. But that’s my take on it, and not necessarily the official word, because of course, there’s a lot of better writers that have discussed the topic. What I do know, is that the internet has exploded with all sorts of versions of her work, and depending on your moral compass, you can see her in many features, some of which I may talk about in the near future, as I was able to get a copy of “Those Young Girls”, featuring Ginger Lynn. I love Ginger, she’s been a crush of mine for years, but apparently Traci as Tracy Lords is in it too. I also was able to see a rare clip of Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords, and well, it’s odd to see Ron so skinny, but times change, and we all gain weight, maybe not as much as Ron, though.

For those that don’t know, Traci Lords was able to get out from under the thumb of pornographic cinema by forming her own company, and then producing 3 movies, and selling the rights for a cool 100K. In her book, she claimed that it was the only thing that she could think of to get out from under the oppression of the adult film industry. Well, good for her, that’s cool, right? Depends on what you believe about the situation.

Fast forward to “Traci, I Love You” from 1987, and you’re going to find that this movie is one of the movies that was shot under her company’s moniker. I was able to watch “Traci Takes Tokyo”, which was laughable in the way that it was produced, but had some interesting set pieces. I did not see “Bevery Hills Copulator”, which was released in 1986, but I’m sure I’ll run into it eventually. “Traci, I Love You” was shot on video, and it shows, and as some French film reviewers have noted, it’s perhaps her most boring work. I tend to agree with some of the notions that people have in regard to this one, as there are a lot of moments that make no sense, but then again, it’s a porno, right?

“Traci, I Love You” is shot like a news report at times, mostly documentary style. There is a man obsessed with her, trying to track her down in France. Meanwhile, she is just enjoying the sights, going to the beach, and just hanging out. There’s a lot of camera work doing B-shots, and random things, nothing of which is what you’d expect from a full-length movie. Eventually, Traci’s character is kidnapped, and taken to an undisclosed location, where she meets some lovely women, and begins the sexual romp that you would expect from dirty movies. The performances are uninspired, honestly, and you can see Traci looking at the camera, and taking direction to be more “into it” at times. At least from some of the scenes, until the end.

DVD Edition From France, I Think

The movie stars Alban Ceray, Marilyn Jess, Alain L’Yle, Traci Lords, and Gabriel Pontello. However, there are other people in non-sexual roles, and much more. Either way, this was her swan song, and it’s fascinating that the final shot involves her taking off her panties, opening her legs, and showing off for one last time. There is a blooper reel at the end, shifting to a light hearted, albeit hardcore film with an interesting premise, albeit still hardcore in many ways. Lovers of all natural, no shaving, classic adult movies will feel like they have traveled back in time, because this is NOT new school in any sense of the word.

The final sequences in this film has Traci nearly tied to a bed, and she screams, goes nuts, and makes you wonder if she’s just giving it all because it’s her final performance, or if she’s really enjoying the process of filming. Going back to the beginning, however, I do like how she bends over, in high heels, on a rug and takes her man standing up. She scoots her legs out, pushing her 5’8” frame all the way down, and allows her lover to enjoy every thrust, while she seems to be more concentrated on not falling over. It’s a unique visual, but one that doesn’t bode well for her, as she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it at various moments, or at least that’s how it comes across on film.

From what I understand, Caballero was able to distribute the movie on VHS and early DVD versions are popping up here and there, but that was all done in 1998. Traci got mad at Amazon for selling her movies, and magazines, but if you look closely, it’s not Amazon, but rather individual sellers.

“Traci, I Love You” is an interesting final movie in a way. There are moments that are hot, no doubt, especially if you want to see Traci (legally) take on multiple cocks, a dildo, and eventually get a nice load on the small of her back. She seems into it at times, and at others it looks very “business” heavy. It was only turned on a few times, and it was mainly when she appeared to be more focused on her partners than the camera, or anything else. Perhaps that’s telling, as this is legal, and the end of her career. I don’t know.

Overall, “Traci, I Love You” has grainy VHS transfer all over it. The sound is mono at best, the lighting is dark at times, ultrabright at times, and the camera work leaves a lot to be desired. However, unlike “Traci Takes Tokyo”, there’s no body doubles, and there is just straight forward sex scenes that are obviously not reshot, and just straight through. Two days in France really did a lot to help Lords cement her legacy, as this was it folks.  It’s serviceable if you’re a fan or a collector, but honestly, I wouldn’t watch it too often. Unless you’re really into Traci. This is LEGAL, by the way, so you can own it no problem getting it. It was made after Traci Lords turned 18, and it was NOT included in any of the mandated removals, or deletions which were part of a larger rabbit hole that I'm not going to write about at length. But you can read some of it here.

I give “Traci, I Love You” a 3 out of 5. 

You can purchase “Traci, I Love You” on DVD now, by clicking here.

Did you see “Traci, I Love You”? If so, drop me a comment, or don’t, I don’t care. I’m moving on to another review soon.