Wild Widow (1995) Review

Another 1990s movie? Yeah, well what can I say, I’m always watching something in the 1990s and today we are going to look into a movie that features some heavy hitters yet again. The name of the movie is, “Wild Widow”, and it stars Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong, Jeanna Fine, Steve Hatcher, Morgan Fairlane, Rick Masters, Alexandra Silk, Guy DiSilva, Raven McCall, Don Fernando, Ron Jeremy, and Santino Lee. 

 

The plot revolves around Jeanna Fine’s character, she has lost her husband and doesn’t know what to do with herself now. She has sex with her friends, her right hand man, and anyone else that is available. 

 

Scene 1. Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong  

Scene 2. Anna Malle, Jeanna Fine

Scene 3. Jeanna Fine, Steve Hatcher

Scene 4. Morgan Fairlane, Rick Masters

Scene 5. Alexandra Silk, Guy DiSilva

Scene 6. Jeanna Fine

Scene 7. Raven McCall, Don Fernando, Ron Jeremy, Santino Lee

 

Instead of going play by play, this time around I’m just going to point out that some of these scenes are boring and some are actually quite good. Anna Malle has a sense of enthusiasm that you miss in a lot of actresses. She really goes at it, and while Hank Armstrong isn’t that great, her work is not half bad. 

 

Fans of Jeanna Fine will love her work here, as she and Anna Malle make for a very good set of scenes. However, that’s where things really start to fall apart. Aside from scenes featuring Fine and Malle, you’re not going to get much. Alexandra Silk does anal, but other than that, this is a production that falls flat. 

 

I give “Wild Widow” a 2 out of 5 

Daydreams Nightdreams (1997) Review

 

And we are back, today we are looking into a 1997 movie that features director Bud Lee working for VCA studios, and filming some of the top names in the 1990s. “Daydreams Nightdreams” stars a good cast overall. The cast of this adult feature includes Kylie Ireland, Asia Carrera, Randy West, Missy, Mickey G. , Alex Sanders, Shayla LaVeaux, Mia Ciccero, Steve Drake, and Jill Kelly. 

The movie starts in an office, with a good amount of set design. We are in an office and our stars are working around a law office, with nothing major going on. We just look into paralegal stuff, and random notes that suggest that we are in a law office. This plot driven movie is simple enough to start with, nothing too sexual goes on, and we are treated to the cast “acting” somewhat. The camera and lighting are good, and the set design is adequate, giving you that feeling that you’re in a larger studio than just the average gonzo picture. You can see that this is a set, and not a fully occupied office, as there are moments when you can see the grip, and others in the background. We are then proven that this is a porno as things get into the scenes.

Midway through the movie a magician shows up, and he has magical powers to give our heroine a way to go into the dream world. That’s right, from an office to a dream world scenario of magic, we get an interesting twist. If you’re one to look for storyline, there’s some here for you.  

Scene 1. Kylie Ireland, Sean Rider

A file is missing, our office worker interrupts Sean Rider and Kylie Ireland. Ireland looks a lot like Jenna Jameson in her youth, so that’s something to take into consideration. She has large enhanced breasts, blonde hair, anSd that youthful look you expect from porno actresses in the 1997 era. The music starts and we go straight into cunnilingus with Sean Rider taking the helm with Ireland. The office set here is fine, the two go through a few positions, nothing crazy, and eventually Rider finishes on Ireland’s behind. If you’re a fan of Ireland, you’ll like her work here, and Rider is a clean cut dude with a strong focus, so he gets through the scene with gusto. 

Scene 2. Asia Carrera, Randy West

The movie shifts directly into the next sex scene, so don’t worry about the plot any longer. We immediately get Randy West and Asia Carrera in another sex scene. This one focuses a lot on Asia and West oral, more than anything else. If you’re a fan of oral, then you’ll like how this goes. There’s a fast transition into the sex, and West and Asia don’t do it for very long, and West is apro as usual, no condom, straight forward sex with Asia Carrera. The two go from office wall, to office desk, to black couch and several positions. This is not a terrible scene, and Carrera really works over West good, and eventually gets the finish with a hand job, and that’s that. 

Scene 3. Missy, Mickey G.

The story takes a back seat now as we get into our next scene of sex. Missy is a nice blonde with fake breasts, and Mickey G is a veteran of the porno world. The two go straight into oral, and then fingering, before going at it on a couch. The camera cuts in close and you get a normal methodology here. Doggy into other options, with some hair pulling to boot. Mickey G is a pro here, and Missy moans a great deal as she goes through the positions, After a while we get to see a little anal action, and then the finishing touch from Mickey G after a little bit of play. There’s a hard cut to the end, and it’s obvious it wasn’t all one take, but that doesn’t matter, does it? It’s an adequate scene. 

Scene 4. Shayla LaVeaux, Randy West

The next scene features Shayla LaVeaux and Randy West. There is some lead up, but the two get right into the sex. West is always a pro, and Shayla LaVeaux moans somewhat in this quick romp. The two have little chemistry together and it is adequate, at best. THe two have sex on a desk, then a couch before a money shot is given and we are out of there. This is a weaker scene, and while Shayla LaVeaux is nice to look at, it’s just a paint by numbers scene. 

Scene 5. Asia Carrera, Alex Sanders

In the dream world now we have a cuckolding scene where Randy West has to watch his former partner Asia get it on with Alex Sanders. The two get right to it and have fast sex on a bed in the dream world. Asia keeps mocking West, and the scene goes forward with straight sex, and fast paced movements. We get a money shot onto Asia’s stomach, and the end of the scene, in dream land. It’s adequate, but you can tell that it’s robotic for the most part. 

Scene 6. Jill Kelly, Kylie Ireland, Mia Ciccero, Sean Rider

Another dreamworld option we get Sean RIder taking on three women at once, and he does an ok job with it, and the other women are there for eye candy as well. This is a condom scene, with an interesting bed layout, set, and lighting. It’s straight forward, Rider takes turn with Jill Kelly, Kylie Ireland, and Mia Ciccero. We get a money shot on Ireland’s chest, and then we move along to an all female scene. This was ok at best. 

Scene 7. Jill Kelly, Juli Ashton, Kylie Ireland, Shayla LaVeaux

A four way scene is shown next, and we get strap ons and lots of oral. If you’re a fan of lesbian sex, then you’ll like the movies momentum here. It’s a good solid scene, and the women, even though it seems like they are phoning it in at times, do a good job of providing eye candy overall and that’s what the movie is for, right? 

Scene 8. Shayla LaVeaux, Steve Drake

THe last scene is a pink lit scene with Shayla LaVeaux and Steve Drake. It’s an adequate scene, as it is just straight forward sex, with lots of intimacy up front, kissing, and petting before getting into the action. Drake wears a condom in this one, and it’s not that great, as the two are robotic in their endeavors. It’s an adequate scene, and there’s some good moments, but the rock soundtrack and lighting really take me away from the scene. 

Overall, “Daydreams Nightdreams” gets a 3 out of 5.

Coed Fever (1980) Review

Coed Fever (1980)

Today we are getting back to our time machine and we are going back to 1980. We are going to be seeing a Cabellero Home Video million copy seller, as it was a huge hit for the company in 1980. “Coed Fever” was released in 1980, and it had a lot of solo acts, and 19 overall sex scenes. It was directed by Robert McCallum, and it features some heavy hitters. Some of the names that are in this include Terri Dolan, Aaron Stuart, Serena, R.J. Reynolds, Lisa De Leeuw, Jamie Gillis, Piper Smith, Gloria Harrison, Vanessa del Rio, Michael Morrison, Ron Jeremy, Samantha Fox, John Leslie, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Terri Dolan, Jon Martin, Annette Haven, Eric Stein, Don Fernando, and Paul Baressi, just to name as many as I could. There’s a lot going on here, and the movie is only 89 minutes long. This really feels like a movie that was meant to be seen in movie theaters, and it shows. It really pushes that envelope from the start, with sex being the biggest thing, at least with my copy of the film.

The movie begins with a pixie haired dirty blonde with small breasts, not shaved, and Aaron Stuart with a late 1970s hair cut and mustache. No one’s shaved here, and it gets straight into a blow job as the clothes start to come off. The film grain is here, you know this was on the silver screen. The set is a kitchen, and the two actors get into the sex, showing off no condoms, and the classic push of the 1980s. The sex has a lot of edits, a lot of cuts, and a lot of facial expressions, so you go back and forth with the close ups, and then the penis and the vagina, with lots of hair everywhere. Eventually, Stuart cums on the pub ic hair of Terri Dolan, and starts the movie off with straight forward sex. These two are not young coeds, that’s for sure.

We have a cut and we end up going to a sorority house where we see girls talking. Then we go to a frat house where some dudes start talking and that’s it. A lot of exterior shorts are shown, and we see a variety of men and women talking. This is a full movie with sets, and film grain, it’s simple. The dean calls for the women to come over, and we just get moving forward like a 1980s college flick. If you’ve seen one of those, then you know that the movie is about the guys against the evil Dean of the School. We see that the Dean is going to have a photo shoot that is going to do a story on the sorority, but they have to ditch their men. The Sorority lead talks to the girls and says that they need to date only good men.

We are sent to a date, where a man named Joey and a girl talk about doing it, and the guy is getting rejected. This is a break up date. The woman breaks up with ole Joey, and he starts throwing chairs, and gets really upset. Meanwhile we see the waiter going mad, and miming his disinterest.

The scene cuts to Serena and R.J Reynolds in a gym. Serena is a red haired girl, and she gets on her hands and knees to start sucking off Reynolds, and that’s it. There’s no sound, there’s no artistic elements, just hard light from the left, and the sounds of sucking.

The movie then shifts to another couple in a sauna, and they are talking about how they need to break up. The movie moves along and we see others break up before we are sent back to Serena and Reynolds in a very basic sex scene. It’s like watching two parents or a long time couple have sex, very little passion, not a lot of moaning, just him on top, and moving forward on gym mats. There’s romantic music, the lighting sucks, and there’s little to no “passion” here, it’s just straight forward, with a basic movement. The best part here is that Reynolds go down on Serena and she really gets into it, and that’s where she starts to moan, and we get to see a better sequence of sex.

The break ups continue, and we get more of the story. We are hearing about the future of the sorority and the frats and dating. It’s a story driven movement, and we are introduced to other characters along the way. This movie is swift, we are 22 minutes into this movie, and we haven’t seen a lot of sex just yet, but there’s a lot of story. It’s ok at best.

Moving forward, we are taken to a threesome that happens after a couple of guys go to a bar.

THis scene, from what I can gather includes Piper Smith, Gloria Harison, and Jamie Gillis. Terrible music begins, and one of the other guys starts watching, and Gillis starts to eat out one of the women, and then one of them rides him, and his face. The two girls are blondes, there’s some smooth jazz that comes through, and away we go through another sex scene, with bad lighting, and random moments of sex. There’s some good moments with a blow job, having two blonde haired women blow Gillis is good, and they seem into it completely. The movie continues with bad lighting, bad shadows, and what appears to be a swing set? After some time, there’s a facial and that’s it. This was ok at best, the women were a little more into it, but it wasn’t grand to say the least.

After the scene, we get to another part of the movie, two guys and a laundry truck. The two guys have a plot to work with and are talking about delivering some new detergent, but it’s really poison. They knock out a woman, drag her upstairs, and replace her with someone else.

Ron Jeremy and Michael Morrison talk about how they want to get moving forward with taking pictures and getting forward progression on the story. Vanessa del Rio is there and giving the guys a tour, and Jeremy keeps saying that he can’t contain himself. After the trio look into a random bedroom, they decide that they need to get it on. Jeremy gets down on his knees and gives del Rio oral while Morrison gets blown, and the smooth jazz comes over again. If you’re a fan of del Rio than you will like this, it’s average at best. Jeremey and Morrison work well in the doubles, but eventually Jeremy cums onto del Rio’s breasts, and Morrison goes soft, allowing this to finish off.

The Dean shows up and catches del Rio, and then chases her out. The Sorority house gets made, and they aren’t sure how to move forward. They say that people will be getting in trouble if they don’t fess up to who is responsible.

As the movie progresses we see another couple, this time it’s John Leslie naked on a bed with Samantha Fox blowing him. There’s no sound again, just the sound of the blow job. This leads straight into sex, and it’s Leslie on top, and he’s going in and out, with Fox’s legs up.

The movie continues and the Dean is mad, and he starts plotting how to move forward. We are at the 54 minute mark at this point.

Moving along we see a random dude scoping out the sorority, meanwhile, a couple of women are doing it together. There’s a simple scene with Lysa Thatcher and Tawny Pearl. A brunette and a blonde just having fun together, lesbian sex, lots of oral, fingers, and forward progress. There’s a slow moving bass line, and we see the guy come inside the room to see it all happen.

Up next there’s a sorority initiation, and we see Tawny Pearl, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Smantha Fox, and Terri Dolan all getting spanked while they play with vibrators. This is a sorority initiation and it’s quite sexy.

We move forward and find out that the sorority found out who was causing the problems with the Dean. That made Annette Haven, Samantha Fox and Paul Baressi engaging in a threesome which features sex and a paddle, then a strap on dildo with some strong elements. There’s a sense of punishment in this arena, and it’s a domme sex scene that borders on violence at times. It’s not my favorite scene, but it progresses the plot, so in that arena, I guess it’s ok. It’s a threeway overall and at some point Paul Baressi cums on and rubs his penis all over the brunette, and that’s that.

Some soft music plays, and we see the movie progress to a date again. This time Brooke West and Jon Martin are talking, and they simply talk about how they want to do it. That leads to another plot point, before we end up in a soft sex scene, with West and Martin. Brooke is a brunette girl next door looking woman, and Martin is a nerd, and well, the sex is ok at best. It’s soft, it doesn’t get a lot of movement, the lighting is horrendous, and they do it on a carpet, and well, it’s just not great at all. It looks clumsy as hell.

The climax and ending of the movie features the coeds having sex at the mansion of the Dean, and the camera guy and article writer get in on the action, as the jazz music comes through and we are treated to a little disco, and a cum shot to finish things off, nothing that great, but just a finish.

At the end of the day, there’s a lot going on in this story driven movie. It’s more story than sex, that’s for sure. There are some funny moments, and it’s hilarious to see how things work through the elements, including a little gay nod at the end.

I give “Co Ed Fever” a 2 out of 5.

It was hard to review this one because the editing was so bad, but it worked for what it was. It’s like a 90s or 80s sex comedy, with hardcore in it, the sex is not passionate, you sometimes don’t see penetration because of the lighting, and it really seems like a movie that played as a double feature to a better porno, but then again, that’s what you get with the 1980s, right?

What’s Butt Got To Do With It (1993) Review

WHat's Butt Got To Do With It (1993) 

Today we are going to be moving back to 1993 for a movie that was directed by Nic Cream, and has some good production value up front. The movie moves fast, and the story is simple, with production quality that is on the tip of the VHS scale. There is no film grain here, it’s comedically bad, but hey it’s 1993 and this is another movie. The movie we are going to review today is, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, and it stars Janet Jacme, Julian St. Jox, Ariel Daye, Tina Tyler, Lyndon Johnson, Ron Jeremy, Persia, Diana Knight, Dave Hardman, and Dick Nasty. These are not exactly all amazing names in the industry, but hey, they are in this movie from 1993, and we are going forward fast.

The movie starts with the credits, then we see a woman at a microphone about to sing. Her producer comes in and says that she’s singing wrong and that she’s stupid. He then goes off screen, and music comes through. We see things stop, and a large breasted blonde woman gets up and goes off screen. Then we see the singer and another woman talk, and the two discuss how the music world is so tough unless you give up something.

There’s a hard cut, and we see random women dancing around, and just shaking it. The sets here are real, the shadows point to that. They are not warehouse sets, this is someone’s apartment or house somewhere in the valley of southern California. The women dance for their producers, I’m assuming, and that’s about it. There is a lot of back and forth between the scenarios, and ultimately we end up with a Arsenio Hall looking dude, and an asian woman. Then there’s a random moment where it’s no longer the asian woman, it’s a short hair blonde. I’m not sure what the director was going for here, but eventually we see what I assume is Janet Jacme and Julian St. Jox having sex. This shifting camera angles and random moments, is just odd to me, but the sex starts and that’s ok. The two go through a few positions, both African Americans, and the lighting is terrible here. We get a couple of positions before Jox cumus, this involves anal at one point, and Janet swallows, and that’s the end of this scene.

After the scene ends, we get sent to a scene where a lady wants to be with her man in bed. He is writing, and he says, leave me alone, I’m trying to write. She tries to engage, and he’s not having it. The scene is very dark, the camera is very close, and shaky, and the lighting is horrendous here.

The camera switches and we are sent to a porn set, with hard lighting coming from the 4th wall, and shadows being cast all over. THere’s a dark green couch, and two brunettes kissing and taking off their dresses, while an African American woman starts to play with herself. This thruway features Ariel Daye, Persia, and Tina Tyler. The scene features oral, scissoring, masturbation, and lots of kissing. It’s slow moving, there’s not a lot of moaning, and it’s kind of boring if you ask me. I think these women may not be bisexual, as the performance leaves a lot to be desired.

We move to an outside scene and two women are talking. Apparently one lady is getting abused, and her man is cheating on her. She said she just needs to do one more album and things will be good. We then move to another scene.

This scene shows Ron Jeremy talking to the record producer, and he says that he wants to record an album with Spike and the Tina Turner impersonator, of sorts. Remember this is a parody of the Tina Turner story. The two argue, and then the producer tells his maid to suck on his friend, Ron Jeremy.

Lynden Johnson is a tall blonde woman with large breasts, and she takes out Ron Jeremy’s member to suck on it and that cues the music. The bass heavy music is horrible, the lighting here is again bad, but the set is a real house. This is not a warehouse set, this is someone’s house, so the lighting is a lot better, and the set dressings are also very good. Jeremy is not as fat as he is now, and he is ready for action as soon as Johnson starts to grab at his penis. Jeremy is killer with the one liners, and here is a good example of what a great performer he has been in the past, and well maybe in the present as well. He gets sucked off well by Johnson, whom I’ve never seen before in movies. “Must be from the virgin islands”, Jeremy quips, as he gets sucked off from Johnson. The sex is fine, she doesn’t moan a lot, and Jeremy spouts one liners as he has sex, and it’s not horrible, but the two lack chemistry, and it shows. Eventually he cuts on her face, and we see the end, and hard cut to a new scene.

We move to a patio party where all the industry insiders are hanging out, and then move to the inside of the house, and it’s our main character and Spike talking about leaving. She’s packing a bag, the outside is just talking, and things are going down on the inside. He says she cant leave and he owns her, and then we get a hard cut to the outside. Outside two women talk about how life is just stuck in a repeating pattern.




We then move to see Persia and Julian St. Jox talking, and while the ebony woman dances, the music kicks in and we get into a new sex scene. This time around it’s not bad, but it lacks that chemistry that you would expect from two people that actually want to have sex. This is a mechanical movement, and Persia is hot, but Julian St. Jox can’t wait to do anal, before he cums, and so you see that rush into sex, and that’s that. It’s not great, it’s not good, and well, it works. This is a warehouse setting, and the lighting sucks again, the music is lackluster, and the film grain just doesn’t work. This is duct taped together for sure.

After the scene, we get to another sequence where the main character wants to leave and she’s ready to go. But out comes two guys from the FBI and they flash their badges and say that our main character needs to come with them. She pleads her case, and she gets on her knees, and starts to get in on the blow job action. Diana Knight here gets into the sex, she blows Dave Hardman and Dick Nasty, and it’s not that good, but hey, she’s doing her job. This is done at someone’s house in a garage somewhere, and it’s lackluster, but it works in a pinch. There’s no DP here, it’s just threesome in the garage, before the film cuts out for me. Maybe there’s a resolution, but by the time I finish this thing, I’m ready for another drink and want to give up on it all.

I give “What’s Butt Got To Do With It” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Not even Ron Jeremy’s classic acting could save this picture. It’s horrendous, but hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.

Edward Penishands (1991) Review

Edward Penis Hands (1991) 

We come back to another movie from the 1990s. This time around we are taking a look at the movie that was a parody of a famous movie. You already know what to expect with this one, as they made 3 of them. This movie we are going to be looking into is none other than “Edward Penishands”. That’s right, the parody, and well here we go, this movie stars Alexandra Quinn, Sikki Nixx, Jamie Leigh, Jeanna Fine, Ashley Nicole, Domonique Simone, and Jon Dough. The movie is a direct parody of the Hollywood movie, and has a good overall script, although the movie is not filmed with that film grain, that you expect from other movies, but I guess that doesn’t matter as this is a porno, by the way.

The movie starts with a woman carrying a suit case, walking through a warehouse. SHe’s tall, blonde, wearing a green dress, and is continually saying, Hello. No, it’s not Adele, but it most likely can have some moments of hilarity. If this was Mystery Science Theater 3,000 you know they’d make that reference. This blonde haired woman looks to find who is in the warehouse, and she runs into a recluse. This recluse has penises for hands! That’s right, he has penises, and that’s it. Mr. Penishand asks the woman not to go, and we get into the story.

There’s a trendy soundtrack for the 1990s that comes into play, and we see the blonde take off her clothes. She lets down here hair, and she starts to suck Edward’s hands. I kid you not. He’s in full makeup. This is a jolting movie if you aren’t ready to see what is going on. The makeup job on Edward Penishands is great, and he looks like the Depp character, meanwhile the woman here is blonde, small breasted, and gets into the role. Edward begins with oral sex on the blonde, whom I assume is Alexandra Quinn. She has tan lines, and Edwards goes down on her with his tongue, and using his hands a little. After some time, we see Edward using both hands in both holes, and he’s fully clothed while you watch the penishands do their work. I’m not sure if this is eroticism or not, it’s actually kind of werid, and yet Quinn’s black pumps make it for me, so I guess there’s something to say. The set here is well lit, a warehouse setting with a bed, and that’s not bad. After some foreplay with the hands, Edwards gets his zipper open and Quinn gives him a blow job. Then the two get into doggy style and things get forward progress. The camera angle here is ok at best, and Edward stays clothed in doggy style, trying to hold on with his penishands. Quinn screams and moans and that really turns me on. This scene becomes grotesque, and yet I couldn’t turn away. Quinn’s screaming is what I want in a partner, I’ll say that much. After a couple of positions we see Edward cum through all of his penises, real and prosthetic, and that’s the end of the first major scene.

The scene ends and we end up going forward to another scene, where two women are talking on the phone. We see Quinn bring in Edward to a set that I is definitely in a warehouse studio somewhere. I can tell because of the shadows from the lighting. It becomes obvious that we are seeing this filmed on a sound stage, which isn’t bad, it’s well decorated, it’s just painfully obvious. The movie continues and we hear about Quinn’s daughter, and that Edward can stay and make himself at home.

We get a firm cut, and we are shown another bedroom scenario. This one features two women, Jeanna Fine and Jamie Leigh. Both are average looking women here, no implants, dirty shoes, and just average elements. The set is lit like a studio, and the shadows play to that regard. We see the women masturbate, use toys, and just go for it, with no real story to this, other than they are trying to get off. The two join one another in a bed and use toys then keeps going, and that’s it. The two just enjoy themselves. One brunette and one dirty blonde, both thin, no major large breasts, somewhat shaved, and that’s it.

After the lesbian sex scene, we see Edward looking at his hands, and that’s it. He starts to imagine things, and realize his past. It’s suppose to add a story arc to the movie, but it’s painfully thrown in place.

The movie continues and Edward is introduced to three new women. They are all thin, and they get sent away out of a room. We are left with Jon Dough and Quinn, while the scene fades to black.

Now we are taken to a bathroom where Edward is with two women. Domonique Simone is an African American woman with small breasts, and Ashley Nicole is a dirty blonde haired, thin woman with medium sized breasts as well. The two start to suck on Edwards hands, and he is just looking like it is pleasurable. The full concept here is Edward just playing with the women with his hands and then he cuts with his hands and it shoots out a little, and that’s it. It’s a short scene, and it’s not that fun.

Moving along, we get Ashley Quinn and Jon Dough talking about how sales are down for Quinn’s sex toy elements. Quinn signals Dough that she wants him, and that two start to kiss. The generic porn music comes in, and they begin. Remember, the set here is a warehouse, so the backgrounds are terrible, there’s blue painters tape along a window frame, the walls are way too high, and the interior is just stupid looking. At one point you can tell that there is no ceiling, as the camera goes too high. The sex begins with Quinn taking off her body suit and blowing Jon Dough. He’s not huge, but he gets into it fairly well. Quinn moans a lot, screaming at one point, and making her my new “it” girl to watch. Quinn and Dough go at it on a kitchen table, no condoms, and it’s just straight forward. The two go through two different positions, then Quinn ends up getting summed on in the back, as Dough finishes things off. That’s it. Not a bad scene, but not a great one either.

Next we are taken to a bedroom, in the same warehouse set that you’d expect from a porno sound stage. Here we see Edward trying to play with himself, then cumming, and running we hears that Jeanna Fine is coming through the door.

This fades, and we see Jeanna Fine and Edward meet in a warehouse where Fine finds out that he has penis hands. There’s a soft song that plays, and it’s supposed to be a love song, while Edward squirts cum from his penis hands and Jeanna Fine dances under it. This is beyond stupid, and yet it’s endearing somehow. This is a very young Jeanna Fine, so she doesn’t have enhancements, and is toned nicely, skinny, and has long black hair. As we move forward, we end up seeing the scene fade to black and send the two back to a location in front of a fireplace. There’s a cheesy song playing, and the two here start to kiss and go forward. Fine sucks on the hand penises, then the two start to have sex, but not before a blow job begins. This is not a long scene. Fine does have enhanced breasts as one angle shows, and she rides Edward while he is fully clothed, until he climaxes and that’s the end.

I give “Edward Penishands” a 2 out of 5.

I love Jeanna Fine, I always liked her work, and Quinn’s yelling during sex turned me on. However, the novelty of this movie really wears on me, and it’s not sexy after a while. Fine looks like a Chicago escort that I know, and well, other than that, I don’t really know what to tell ya. It’s not a great movie, it’s not a bad movie, but it’s definitely one to check out if you’re curious. It’s not going to win any awards or anything, but as a novelty sex film, it’s not half bad. I’d watch Jeana Fine read the dictionary, though. She’s hot.

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Review

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Poster

Before the year is over, let’s get into the world of the 1980s and see a movie that has some famous names, and some scenic backgrounds. This is a movie that ends this year with a huge bang, as you’re going to find that the stars here are from what I consider the golden era of adult cinema, even if there are others that will disagree with me. Who’s in this one? Well, let me just say, it’s one hell of a line up. The stars of this movie include, Amber Lynn, David Sanders, Beverly Bliss, Craig Roberts, Traci Lords, Tony Martino, Nicole West, Peter North, Gina Valentino, Rick Savage, and Greg Rome. This is a full scale production, with film grain, and a full theme song that sounds like The Go Gos and it’s not half bad. The director here is Mark Curtis, and the movie is from 1985, and it is called “Hollywood Heartbreakers”. So let’s dive into this classic from the golden era, as it’s one that you can’t find many places.

The movie starts with a blonde driving a BMW, and she picks up a car phone. It’s a guy named Tony and he says that she needs to get there fast. She says that she will arrive soon. That’s when the music starts to drop off a little, and we see a brunette that talks about wanting to suck off the guy named Tony. She starts to undress, showing off small breasts, red painted finger nails, red lips, light skin, and dirty talk. She talks like a woman that is having phone sex, slow and deliberate, and starts to strip off her clothes, until she shows off her pubic region, that has not been shaved at all. The music dims a bit more, and you hear her moaning a little as the camera goes up and down on the woman. The camera then switches to the driving woman, that is going up PCH in 1985, which is California, for those that don’t know.

Amber Lynn shows up at the door of David Sanders, and says that she was instructed to take care of a package. That’s when David Sanders starts to kiss her, and the porno music starts. A rock guitar riffs begin and Amber Lynn, a dirty blonde, with bright red lipstick starts to suck off Sanders from a limp starting point. The scene starts with a blow job, and full nudity, and no one is shaved here. If you’re a fan of the classics, you’ll love that the two get into 69 within 7 minutes of the movie, and Amber Lynn seems to really enjoy her work here, giving Sanders one hell of a blow job while he gives her oral on the other side, not minding the hair. Sanders isn’t huge, but he works with Lynn well enough. The camera work is bad though, the lighting is not great, and the shots of close ups are mired here and there with bad zooming in and out. The set here is a bit dark, it doesn’t look like a warehouse, but more likely a condo somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. The two go through a couple of positions, without condoms, and just go through the motions. Lynn doesn’t moan a lot, but a little here and there, and the music doesn’t fit the sex here, though I appreciate the attempt at original music. It’s not cliche at all, mind you. After some back and forth, and a bit of moaning, Sanders cannot hang on and eventually cums on Lynn’s stomach, pulling out and letting it fly, the camera slows down for it. Sanders lasts a while, but it’s not a marathon session at all. Lynn says that she takes good care of packages, and that’s it.

Next thing we see is Amber Lynn getting to a phone and saying that she needs to check in on the other girls. We see Sanders pull out some money and then put it into her purse, and that’s it. The scan ends, and then we are taken to another woman. This time around we see Traci Lords putting on make up, getting ready to meet a client, as she picks up her phone, on the sunset strip.

Before seeing any action, we get a cut scene with Beverly Bliss having sex with a random guy named Tony. Then spliced into that, is Traci Lords driving a car. I just wanted to point out that if she was so young, why is she driving on camera? She’s got one hell of a car too, and this is not stunt driving, or anything fake, it’s legit, she’s driving what appears to be a Thunderbird. She visits Tony Martino.

Before the sex starts, we get a strip tease with Lords coming down some stairs, then kissing Tony Martino. The two get fully nude and begin with a little foreplay, Martino sucking and kissing Lords’ breasts. The two are outdoors, in the backyard of a mansion, overlooking Los Angeles. Tony Martino goes down on Lords right away, and the music here is quaint, piano music. The lighting is bad, with lots of shadows, and lots of sunlight obscuring some of the natural shots. Lords moans and moves a lot here, before Tony finally puts his hardness into Lords doggy style. Martino is not a good looking guy by any stretch, mind you. At the 26 minute mark, though, the action gets faster and harder, and the music changes to a 1980s rock tune, which I appreciated. That juxtaposes Lords moaning and gyrations, which intensify as she nearly screams in pleasure. This could be the most intense scene I’ve seen with Lords in it, and Martino does his job well, ugly as he is, and the two work well enough as the music goes faster and Martino just loses himself in the situation. Martino can’t hold his load, after a quick changeover, and cums on Lords’ face and chest, then rubs himself on her after the fact. You can almost hear the director yell cut, but the two end up kissing as the final moments close on this scene, and we fade into another point. New music picks up, Lords picks up her cash, which is only 300 dollars, which is standard for an hour with a mid-range escort, right? Just saying.

We see another woman riding around in a car. We get a conference call, and it’s Tony with Traci and Nicole, and we get a little nod to “Charlies Angels” complete with music. We also see a bit of sex with the guy named Tony, and his chick, but we don’t see his face, yet. It’s just a lot of hair, and a close up of the in and out process of the sexual landscape.

The next scene shows Traci Lords and Nicole West arriving at a home in Bel Air. There’s a hard cut, and we see a darkened warehouse set, with a boring looking couch, and a flaccid Peter North hanging out naked. Lords and West go inside the home, and they start to play with North. Music kicks in, the women take their tops off, and we start to get forward progress. The sex starts with Traci Lords riding Peter North’s face, while Nicole West gives him a blow job. The two women take turns going at North at the 35 minute mark with a blow job sequence that is epic. I’m talking dual blowing, North nearly humming straight out, and the two women focusing on his member in a way that you don’t really see in modern era film. It’s like West and Lords wanted to outdo each other, or they were just into this that much, I don’t know, but this sequence is intense, and really something that elevates this movie’s rating a lot more than the previous scenes. After dual blow jobs, North gives Lords the Russian treatment, between her breasts, while West gives her oral, as the music starts to intensify with drums and 80s bravado. There’s a cool visual design flow here, with North having sex in doggy style with Lords while a chair with two hands seem to be on her breasts. If you’ve seen this, then you know! This is a very cool effect, while the background of the set has antlers everywhere, like it’s a cabin or something. North looks like he’s going to cum any second, and he really does seem to be enjoying the process with Lords, as she moans and quivers. At one point West gets in the action, and Lords gives North a rim job, then at one point it appears that West fists North at around 42 minutes. The edit shifts and goes back to straight sex with reverse cowgirl and Lords with North, but I know what I saw, it was very odd, but the director decided to cut a little of it out. If you’re a fan of natural sex, with hair, and all that jazz, you’ll like this scene, even if the lighting and set leaves something to be desired. Lords and West seem to really like each other, mind you, and North is just a willing party here, and keeps it up as long as he can. This is a lengthy scene for the 1980s, mind you. After the sex seems to get boring, North cums on the two women’s chest, and then we get splicing in some of the past sequences, and it’s all over with a nice blast from North. Not his biggest load, but a nice quality one none the less. The women squirm, the film slows down, and for whatever reason the director focuses on North’s face before we get a hard cut and a new scene.

Gina Valentino is driving, and picks up the car phone to find out that she has a date. Tony is scene having sex again, and it’s the same sequence that you got earlier.

At this point, you see that Gina is headed to Marina Del Rey California, and that’s a throw back for me, since I lived in the area for some time.

We move along and we get to a point where we see Gina Valentino stripping for Rick Savage. Savage watches on, and the two are going to be moving forward with ease. Valentino has small breasts, shoulder length, teased brunette hair, is all natural, yet has a pubic mound that is trimmed. She starts to masturbate, and Savage looks on. The two have sex, and it’s probably one of the most boring sex scenes I’ve seen in a long time. Savage looks like he is really concentrating here, and Valentino is just going through the motions, allowing her lover to just go to town. After some time in Doggy Style, Savage cums on the lower back of Valentino and that’s it, perhaps one of the most formulaic scenes I’ve ever seen, dropping the rating on this one a lot lower than the previous scene.

Up next, we see the same splicing in of sex from Tony, and we see Amber Lynn driving around. She eventually pulls up to a house, in a red dress, and talks to Greg Rome and Ron Jeremy poolside. They banter a little and then move inside.

We go inside with a hard cut, and everyone’s already nude. There’s a heavy bass line started, and a rock guitar with some nice drumming to go along, as we move in with the camera. The set here is a den from the 1980s, with bad carpeting, terrible looking couch, and of course that 1980s aesthetic in terms of filming. Rome gets blown by Amber Lynn, a tight blonde, while Ron Jeremy gives her doggy style. The thing to look out for here is the fact that Ron Jeremy is thin, and makes his penis look a lot larger, because of course it’s about 9 inches long, from what I’ve read. Either way, he is in his prime here, and he’s fit, and just goes for it with Lynn. It’s impressive to see Jeremy in his prime, not as the hedgehog later on, but rather his thin, progressive self. If you’ve read his book, then you know how hard working he was as a porno actor, director, and more. It shows here, as he steals the show here with Lynn. You get multiple positions, a threesome that lasts a while, and of course the cum shot with the crossing of swords several times, which is odd. Rome and Jeremy are big, close in size here, and Lynn tries to take them on both at the end with cum going on her face to finish things off. The music really gets good here, mind you.

We move along, and there’s a hard cut, and Amber Lynn calls in to Tony and we then see Tony’s face and the sex he’s been having, finishes up. It ends with a blow job and cum in mouth, and that’s the end of the movie. Tony is a pimp, and it’s all said and done.

I give “Hollywood Heartbreakers” a 3 out of 5.

Not even Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords can save the rest of this movie from boring me. However, Lords and Jeremy are in their prime, and if you can find this movie, good luck. It’s borderline illegal to have this. I was able to procure a copy while I was visiting Japan, and got this on Beta Max, because I’m insane. In the United States, you’ll have to get creative if you want a copy, otherwise, you cannot buy this from an affiliate or anything. Good luck.

Interview With A Milkman (1996) Review

Interview With A Milkman Poster 

There are a few tropes that come through in the world of pornography, and one of them is that of the milkman. The delivery of items to the home when a husband is away means that someone’s going to have sex. Well, in this movie from 1996, the Milkman is the center of the production. This movie comes from director Ralph Parfait, and was distributed by Vivid. It was released in 1996, and most likely was one of the movies that was once again screened through the Hot Network or Spice Cable Television. Either way, it stars some names you know, and some that you may not know. This movie stars, Madelyn Night, Laura Palmer, Jon Dough, Kimberly Kummings, Bobby Vitale, Sindee Coxx, and Steve Drake. The movie that we are going to review today is none other than, “Interview With A Milkman” from 1996.

We are greeted with the familiar Vivid Video introduction, and I love it. “You’re watching a Vivid feature presentation” is how we start things off, then we go straight into the credits. It says that this is a Paul Thomas production, and the graphics show up. We have a little ragtime tune starting, and we see a woman pouring milk all over her nude body. I’m assuming it’s Madelyn Night, but I’m not sure. If it is her, she is thin, soaked in milk, has large breasts, and is bathed in dark light. The opening isn’t so much a milk bath as much as it is a girl showering herself with a glass bottle of milk. This movie was written by Guillermo Brown, by the way. It’s an introduction that really is a throw back to the old days.

The movie goes onto show that it has film grain. I love when porno has film grain, and we see a man getting pushed through on a wheel chair. He pulls out a cigarette, and we start an interview. We see a glass of milk show up, and a random dude starts talking into a recorder. This is a nursing home, from what I can tell. The old man says that he was a good milkman in his younger days, and he starts to talk about his story. “I was the greatest milk delivery man in the world”. We then see a driver going around town delivering things door to door and we are thrown into the movie.

We see the delivery guy talking to a couple of women, and he asks if he can help with carrying a few things for the women. We then get moving forward with seeing the milk delivery guy just go through the motions as usual. The story goes through well enough, and there’s not much to this other than seeing that our Milk Delivery Man is top delivery guy, and he gets a silver medal at one point from Steve Drake. This is a high end production. You do not just get thrown into sex, you are thrown into a real story. The film grain gives a lot here, and I enjoy that aspect of it.

As the story goes, we see the delivery man enter his truck and there’s a glove filled with chocolate milk in it, and it starts to spray all over him. He then says he has to change his uniform. Meanwhile, at the offices of the milk delivery service, an angry caller wants Joey, the delivery guy to show up and deliver, and of course the secretary says he will go out there soon enough.

At around the 13 minute mark, we get the first taste that this is a porno movie. It features Madelyn Night as the secretary. Madelyn Night is a thin brunette with large breasts, tanned skin, and a trimmed pubic mound. She pulls out a vibrator and dips it in milk, and starts to masturbate for the camera. A soft jazz tune comes on, and we are taken into the fullness of her solo work. She is a beautiful woman, and the show here is a solo masturbating act. The soft jazz music and the overall production value of this scene makes it one of the more erotic scenes I’ve reviewed in a long time. You hear her moan, she drinks a little milk, and just uses her vibrator for the majority of the scene, and that’s it. It’s a good sequence with art and sex mixed in for good measure.

The camera cuts to a delivery, and it’s Joey. He comes into the home, and picks up an empty glass bottle, and then starts to look around to see if anyone is home. He creeps through the house and picks up empty milk bottles, trying to figure out if anyone is home, and trying not to make any noise. Hen then stumbles in on Jon Dough and Laura Palmer.

He sticks around to just watch what is going on.

Laura Palmer bends over, and Jon Dough starts to spank her. Laura Palmer is a blonde haired, thin, tall, small breasted woman. She has model features, and she wears high heels for the start of this part. Dough spanks her until her butt starts turning red. All the while the Milkman watches. What I like about this scene is that it starts with dry humping. It completely starts with fully clothed, dry humping, spanking, and movement that is not nudity. In fact, it’s a way to get the actors to get a little more chemistry, and I like that part. After some dry humping, Palmer gets on her knees and starts to blow Jon Dough. He gets hard right away, and she just goes in on him, while a jazzy number starts to play. The set has an all wood wall, and looks like a den at a cabin somewhere, while the couch is a light brown color. Dough wears sunglasses as Palmer blows him, and it’s a slow, casual start to their sex, after the dry humping. After the blow job, we get some oral returned, then right into doggy style with no condom. Palmer moans, and Dough seems to have an urgency about getting forward progress into the sex. Palmer’s pale skin, blonde hair, and long legs really make for a hot scenario here. After a few positions, Palmer goes reverse cowgirl, and then Dough cups on her pubic mound, which is trimmed. That ends the scene, and that’s it. The scene is quite sensual, and definitely doesn’t feel like a robotic sequence, which is a great thing. The two genuinely shared a moment in this one, including Dough slapping his penis on Palmer’s pubic area after the sex.

The delivery guy keeps going on his route, and we see him going through the motions, nothing special. It continues the larger story arc of course. He ends up getting back to his truck nd there’s Kimberly Kummings waiting for him. She says that she wants special treatment, and while he declines at first, the two go in for a kiss and we are off to the races.

Bobby Vitale is the main guy here, and Kimberly Kummings throws herself at him. Kummings is a large breasted brunette, and she looks older in this scene, compared to Palmer. She is a great contrast to the blonde in the previous scene, and the two get right to action. Kummings gets on her knees and blows Vitale immediately, giving him a sense of urgency to start. The starting point here has some great jazz music, and the two are doing it in the parking lot, on a delivery truck. She has large breasts, tanned skin, and a thin frame. For the sex, it starts in reverse cowgirl, and just goes forward with some moaning from Kummings, and robotic movements from Vitale overall. She squeezes her oversized breasts, and does a little bit of talking, amidst moaning overall. The music subsides, and the camera fixes in on the action, although this time there’s a condom in plain view. She’s trimmed, with pubic hair on her mound, and the two just go through the motions, getting robotic at the 39 minute mark. There’s anal at the 41 minute mark, and doggy style, with an eventual money shot on Kumming’s backside, for the finish, and that’s it. Vitale doesn’t deliver a huge load, but it’s enough for the sequence overall.

Something sinister occurs here. Someone is changing the regular milk for chocolate milk! Or what appears to be chocolate milk, or something that is tainted.

We see Steve Drake and Madelyn Night kissing, and then we get a cancellation. Night and Drake discuss some issues with the business, cancellations, and they start to get back to the kissing. Steve Drake is a veteran, of course, and we see Madelyn Night earlier as a single performer. This is a little more sensual, with lots of kissing to start, and just chemistry that you would get from a couples movie, not a hardcore porno.

Drake puts Night on a wooden desk and gives her oral in a well lit office space. That’s the starting point of the sex, and it gets underway at around the 49 minute mark. A nice jazz number starts up as the two go in for oral. The music gets turned up a lot, but so does the sounds of the sex. The sound design in this movie is very odd. Whomever did the levels was not accurate. Drake takes Night and starts doggy style, and there’s a notable condom as Night asks for him to do it harder and harder. The angle is interesting, as it is trying to hide the condom, but there was definitely one there. After a position change it looks like Drake doesn’t have a condom on any longer, at least at the 51 minute mark. This could be a blooper or two different scenes edited together in the same space. Either way, the sex is robotic, and formulaic. The two don’t have that much chemistry and it shows. I can confirm that there is no condom after going doggy style, and I’m not sure why that was. Drake finishes on Night’s pubic mound, but she has a look of disgust at first.

After some time we see Vitale getting yelled at back at the office. He is then back on the job, and he continues to go on his way, until Sindee Coxx asks for help.

Sindee Coxx is a blonde haired woman with big breasts, and a storied career in porn. She takes her clothes off, and gets on her knees to service Vitale. The blow job here is deliberate, slow, and steady. It’s nothing special, just straight forward, and Vitale isn’t even hard at first. The director moves the camera around so that you don’t see that action, but you can tell he’s not all the way there yet, so Coxx really has to work for this one. After a little 69, the two end up going at it on a picnic table, and Coxx is wearing nothing but a pair of knee high black boots. Vitale goes all in here, and the two are very close together for the scene, but at the 57 minute mark, you hear the director’s instructions! I kid you not! Coxx moans, and the two switch positions. I don’t see a condom in this one, and it appears to be anal at one point, and it’s not a terrible sequence at around the 59 minute mark. There’s a robotic element to this, although Coxx seems to enjoy the process a little. At one point Vitale chokes her hard, and you can see Coxx not really into it, but if you like hard pounding, there’s a sequence here for you as Vitale goes nuts at a few spots. The edits are rough here, the cuts are insane, and after the hour mark, Coxx seems to just give in to the movement. After a bit of work, Vitale cums on Coxx’s stomach and she moans a little. She’s almost completely shaved for this one.


For the final two sequences we are split screened. There is equal time spent with Madelyn Night and Sindee Coxx having sex with some chocolate milk as a momentum push, and we see Laura Palmer and Bobby Vitale having sex as well. The lighting int he Palmer and Vitale scene is blown out, with a lot of direct light, and shadows that show that this is a set. Palmer really goes in hard on her blow job this time, and it really makes up for the rest of the movie, which was a little robotic. As for Coxx and Night, the two are sensual, kissing, caressing and using their hands to go through the motions of lesbian sex. It’s not a bad sequence, mind you, and it has more passion than the other sex scenes that the two were in during this movie. After seeing them do oral, for a while, we are taken back to the den, and there’s no condom for the sex, as Palmer rides Vitale for the finish of this movie. The sex is adequate here, a little rough, but nothing crazy, with Palmer seemingly enjoying the process a bit. She reminds me of an old boss I once had, so the fantasy was real in this one. Vitale cums on her chin, and then in runs Jon Dough to discover them.

Dough runs after him. Then we are sent to the backyard of the house where Coxx and Night are. The movie runs through, and out of the blue we see Night and Vitale driving and boom, they cash into each other, and that is that. We see that Vitale’s character gets back to being the best employee, and then we are taken back to the interview.

We see an interview with the Milkman, and we hear that America has changed completely, and that the Milkman job is no longer great, and the rest of the degrading of American culture was due to the stop of milkman delivery.

I give “Interview With A Mlikman” a 3 out of 5.

Out of all the scenes, only 2 of them really spoke to me, and they were involving Laura Palmer. I’ll have to really look into more of her work, as she is definitely a shining light in this one. Other than that, it’s a serviceable movie with good film grain, a few interesting notes, but robotic, short sex scenes with a blooper thrown in for good measure.

The Pillowman (1988) Review

Pillowman Poster (1988) 

Today we are going back to a John Leslie directed movie. This movie in particular was released by VCA, and stars some major people. I’m going to say, that the diverse cast alone is one reason to see it, and the second? Well, the second is the fact that I used to see a lot of this poster around my local rental store. You see, I didn’t go to Blockbuster, I went to Asian owned video stores, and they would always have a well stocked porno section behind red curtains. So, I would see “The Pillowman” posters every time I went in, and never got to see the movie, until today. Today, we are going back in time to 1988, for a movie directed by John Leslie, and starring lots of great names, including the following. Chanel Price, Peter North, Brandy Wine, Tammy Reynolds, Joey Silvera, Aja, F.M. Bradley, Renee Morgan, Tony Montana, and Britt Morgan. Now that we know what movie we are reviewing, of course titled The Pillowman, and we know the stars, let’s get into this movie from 1988 to the future!

The first thing that I liked was the font and titles shown for the movie. The movie starts with the title and then runs the credits, and we see a man with a letter jacket from high school, snooping around a home. He has a flash light, and we see him just looking around, obviously trying to be inconspicuous, as he wants to rob the place. The lights abruptly come on, and standing there is a blonde with a revolver. She asks, “what do you think you’re doing?”, and it’s Peter North with his hands up, and a gun to his chest! Chanel Price is holding the gun, has her hair up, and full makeup. She’s taller than Peter North, but maybe cause she has heels on. North says nothing, as a gun is on him, and Price starts to grab him, and see if he’s packing, to which she is surprised, cause she feels his penis. She pulls down North’s pants, and honestly, it’s not that big. It’s flaccid. It’s a little penis. But of course, that leads to sex.

Chanel Price, a tall, milf looking blonde, in a white dress starts to blow Peter North from a flaccid state to get him hard, and he grows fast. Fully erect, Peter North has been said to be very thick, and big, and of course we all know about his epic cum shots. I recall that Jenna Jameson states in her book that he was the first major porn star to open her up and really cause some pain, cause he was so big. Here, he’s the right size for Price, as she starts to strip him and get him to a point of sexual conquest. Chanel Price is a big girl, she’s tall, amazon features, large breasts, and is completely shaved. She towers over North, and goes into reverse cow girl to start. The set here screams 1980s, with a lot of bad drapes, terrible furnishings, rugs, and what appears to be a den in your uncle’s basement. Music kicks in as the two start to have sex, and it’s not that great. Price takes over the whole way, and she is truly a big, tall, girl. Looking up some info, I found out that Chanel Price is 6 foot 3 inches tall, and she totally looks it here, towering over Peter North. However, she gets into the sex, and if you are a fan of both tall blonde women, and Peter North, you’re going to love this one. The sex goes forward and eventually Price gives North a blow job until he cuts in her face, and that’s the end.

After the sex, Price says that she recognizes North as The Pillowman! He then tries to talk to her a little, and eventually gives up, and goes home. We then see North walking around the city, just chillin. It seems to be Los Angeles in the late 1980s. He walks into a pawn shop, and he just waits in line as we see people bargaining, and he gets yelled at for not paying up. It’s not a pawn shop, after all, it’s an apartment building and he is scolded for not paying the rent. We then see North talking to his roommate in a bad apartment, and it’s a random old guy. I though tit was Silvera, and of course he is an icon of good porn acting. However, the mood shifts as we are taken to another set, this is a warehouse porn set, and that’s where we see a couple of women making out.

The two women are Brandy Wine and Tammy Reynolds. One blonde and one brunette, and the two are making out, as Joey pulls out his penis and starts to masturbate. The women here are voluptuous, all natural breasts, big 1980s style hair, not shaved, and Joey has his fro and he’s stroking it. He then joins the action. We get close ups of Brandy Wine, Tammy Reynolds, and Joey Silvera getting into the sex. There’s some great jazz music for this scene. The set is terribly lit, and looks like your average porn garage in the valley, with a brown couch. There are no condoms here, it’s the 1980s, and Joey gets into it fast, first getting into the brunette, and really just going along the motions of sex. There’s some bad shadows here and there, and you can see the boom mic at one point, but the whole thing is casually filmed, with a focus on the action at times, and at other time, the women’s breasts. Nothing too fancy here, mind you. At the 32 minute mark, Silvera cups onto the brunette’s pubic mound, and then immediately gets back up and goes back into her! Silvera is a golden god for this, as I haven’t seen this since TT Body did it with Jenna Jameson, he gets a few more minutes of stroke before he cums again, and the refractory period of his work is incredible on this scene. Wow, Silvera pulls off a stellar scene elevating this movie’s rating from 1 out of 5 to a 3 out of 5 just for that sequence.

Moving along, we end up with another moment in time. We see Peter North styling his hair, and he’s in a random warehouse set. He then appears at a random house, and talks to a dude. The set changes and we are in a den somewhere in Los Angeles. Aja comes down, and F.M. Bradley is on the other side of the den watching. Aja is a brunette, her hair is up, she has a 1980s look and feel to her, and immediately gets on her knees to suck off Peter North. Aja has natural breasts, and has this amazing look to her. She’s quite hot here, and North looks like he’s going to pop within a few minutes, but controls it a little. There’s no loud music here, but rather Aja moaning, and North staying in control, while the camera moves left to right, and zooms in and out at times. The shadows from the lighting are horrible here, and the brown couch is funny to me. Midway through the sex, Bradley shows up, fully naked, and gets asked to join the party. Bradley is a large black man, and Aja gives him a hand job, then puts a diaper on him, no joke! No joke! Then she puts a pacifier in his mouth! Then Aja returns to North for doggy style. After some back and forth, North cums on her butt, as Bradley watches, and that’s the end. Nothing too crazy here, but Aja is quite the beauty, as this is the first time I’ve seen her work. The mid point diaper change was really odd though. North asks her out, then Bradley gets mad and asks him to get out of his house and not to ask his wife out! Wow.

Bradley then takes off his diaper, and asks Aja to suck him off. Aja sucks Bradley off, as he spouts one liners and jokes, including “I have some wonton soup!”, and it’s funny to see. He doesn’t get all hard, but he gets a medium amount before he gets into Aja for some sex on the brown couch. He doesn’t last that long, less than 5 minutes, for a quickie and that’s it. I was surprised by how long the scene lasted, which was horrendously slow. He cums on her breasts, and that’s it. We are moving away to the final two scenes, and it’s been around 48 minutes at this point.

The movie’s plot continues, and now we are taken to a brothel of sorts, and we see Tony Montana and Renee Morgan get involved. There’s some nice jazz in this one, and that supersedes everything else. Renee Morgan is a skinny, brunette, with small breasts, and is supposed to be latin here, as Montana speaks Spanish one liners, and gets really into the sex. I mean, she’s more into it than anyone else in this movie, and that makes it great. Renee Morgan sucks off Tony Montana then goes into doggy style while wearing a Spanish hat. The two have sex for a while, and it’s not terrible, but it’s also nothing that I would want too see again. In the mean time, Joey Silvera is talking to what I can only assume is Britt Morgan and then starts to make out with her. Meanwhile, Peter North keeps asking about his free trip that Silvera promised him, and the camera goes back and forth to the sex. After some back and forth here, Montana ends up cumming onto Renee’s pubic region, which is not shaved. That scene ends, and we are taken back to North’s apartment.

The story moves forward, and we see Britt Morgan and Peter North talking at a bus stop. The movie’s plot thickens as North hasn’t paid rent at all, and then is invited to hang out with Morgan. Britt Morgan has large hair, she’s all blonde, and comes out wearing a nighty that is lace, and white. She does not have the most attractive face, it’s round, and somewhat unattractive, with a “baby” type of look, but she has a nice body, and well, she rides North’s literal head. That is funny, and she does have natural breasts. The set here is a random porn warehouse, and North can’t help but laugh at the beginning of this scene. I’ve never seen a woman literally ride a dude’s head and comment on his hair. Hair fetish? Is that a thing?

Peter North sits down on a faded brown couch, and Britt Morgan gets to work. She starts to suck him off, and he gets hard immediately. I don’t find Morgan that attractive, mind you, but honestly, she has good technique here. She moans a bit as they change positions, but Peter North is in robot mode. The jazz soundtrack is great here, and I liked that. However, the sex isn’t that great, and eventually North cums on Morgan’s shaved pubic region, and stomach, and that’s that. If you’re into blondes, perhaps you’ll like her, but this is a short scene that is spliced with other elements of the story line.

The plot continues to move forward, and we see that North and his friend get evicted. Then North gets into fatigues, and gets thrown out of a window, onto a deck and that’s it. This movie has a plot at first, then completely throws it out of the window, and well, it’s porn, so what did you expect, right?

I give “Pillowman” a 3 out of 5.

This is not a great movie, but I loved the production value, the non sex roles, the random jokes, and the attention to some finer details here and there. The women are pretty, and there’s at least one good sex scene that I’d watch again, just to see the double cum blast from Silvera, which is god like if you ask me.

The Flintbones (1992) Review

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Video Tramp (1984) Review

Video Tramp (19984) Cover 

We go back into our time machine again and this time around we are going to be looking at a movie that was released into theaters and onto VHS and Beta Max from 1984. Going back in time to the 1980s is always fun, at least for me, as you get a glimpse of porno from the past. In this movie, "Video Tramp" we are taken back to the times when video stores were still around and it's one of my favorite time frames, as I love video stores. It's here that you're going to find the stars align for a Jack Genero directed film. The stars of this movie include Jessica Wylde, Tom Byron, Marc Wallice, Andrea Brittain, and of course Christy Canyon. So with that all in mind, let's get to the movie, in which we are taken to a video store.

At the video store, we see Christy Canyon as a video store clerk that recommends videos to different patrons. In the store at the opening of the movie is Tom Byron. He wants a movie for himself and his girlfriend, and picks up a John C. Holmes feature, as it is recommended by Canyon. The box is shown on the screen, and then we are taken to a bedroom where Byron is hanging out with this girlfriend. Within 3 minutes, the sex begins, and we are off to the races in this porno movie from 1984.

We are taken to a wooden clad bedroom. We see Tom Byron and Jessica Wylde in bed, and they start to kiss. Jessica Wylde is a brunette, and has a "hippy" look to her, as she's young, has medium sized natural breasts, full pubic hair, and extremely long hair. She is very feminine and looks amazing next to Tom Byron in this one. Byron of course looks young, because he is, and the two start with oral, as an acoustic song loops. The oral is good, with Byron going first, then Wylde giving Byron a blow job. It's here that we see Byron as "Dirk Diggler", if you ask me. and while the lighting, and the scene is straightforward, the music really is annoying. The sex starts with reverse cowgirl, and it's somewhat vanilla in nature. It's just straight forward, with a little moaning, and Byron going through his usual positions and speed framework that he has in his 20s. The set is not well lit, and Wylde is pretty, natural, and seems to be enjoying herself as the camera moves around a little bit. The music absolutely makes this scene suck, though, ugh, I'd rather not have music to be honest.Thetwo continue through different positions, and it's not a terrible scene. By the 13th minute, the music stops, and it is quite sexy, for a while, but Wylde seems to not be into it even though she moans a bit. Byron pulls out and cums onto Wylde's butt, and that's it.

We move along and we see Marc Wallice talking to Tom Byron. Wallice has lost his job and he is a but crestfallen, but tells Byron that a girl is coming and it's going to be better. That's when Christy Canyon approaches and the two guys convince her to come back to an apartment and have sex. The apartment has the same wooden walls as the other scene, only this time the trio go to a brown couch to start and have sex. Those that haven't seen Christy Canyon should know she has large breasts, long brown hair, is not shaved, and is an icon in porno. Tom Byron and Mar Wallice take turns giving oral to Christy, while a smooth jazz piece places, and she blows the two of them. The performance here is good, with Christy really getting into her role, and the guys just letting it flow with the movements that Christy gives them overall. The two take turns having sex with Christy, there's no double penetration, just doggy style, reverse doggy, and meanwhile she sucks off a guy. That's it. It's a modest scene, with simple progressions, and fans of Canyon's large breasts will delight. The music sucks, the lighting is ok, and the sex is formulaic, but Canyon steals the show with her unique body, and mannerisms. After some position changes, we finally get a money shot, and it shows Wallice cumming on Canyon's breasts, while Byron never really finishes.

We go back to the video store, and a recommendation is made.

The movie moves towards Jessica Wylde, and we see her watching a porno. She watches in the same bedroom from the first scene, and she just plays with her self for the camera while watching an old porno movie, and that's it.

The movie shifts gear again. This time giving us a new vision, with Andrea Brittian and Jessica Wylde. You've already seen Jessica Wylde, but here comes Andrea Brittain. She's a pretty looking woman, with short blonde hair, very much in the 1980s style, small breasts, light skinned pubic hair, and a calm demeanor. Wylde and Brittain start to kiss, and then go into oral, as the terrible music once again starts and loops. As far as lesbian sex scenes are concerned, this is one of the worst I've seen.

After the two women engage in sex, we are taken back to the video store. Christy Canyon and Marc Wallice lock up the store, and the two start to talk about selling more adult videos. Canyon asks Wallice to follow her, and the two end up in a backroom of the video store. It's there that the two start to talk. Christy Canyon has a blue dress on, and starts to ask Wallice to get physical, and the two start to make out a little. The music starts, and it's awful yet again. Whomever picked this music is terrible! I can't believe how awful the music is. The lighting is ok, there's a lot of shadow here, but the lighting is nicely placed, and the camera zooms in nicely through it. It's not a multiple camera thing, it's one main film camera, and the lighting leaves a bit to be desired, as the shadows are insane for this scene. The sex starts to work well enough, and it's not bad. Canyon does her thing, and Wallice is a sad sack at a few moments. He doesn't get hard at first, and then he tries to get himself hard for the sex, and eventually gets stiff enough. Canyon goes with reverse cowgirl to start, and it's good as the director decides to pull back the camera so you can see what is going on. The two continue to have sex in a backroom, and eventually Wallice finishes on the pubic hair of Canyon and that's it. It's an ok scene at best.

We go back to the video store, and this time it's Jessica Wylde talking to Christy Canyon. She wants a special video for her and her man. But Canyon tells her about the back room. The two decide to go back there, and start to make out, and then Canyon goes down on Wylde for a while. The lighting is better for this scene, and the camera stays in tight with what appears to be a fisheye lens at one point. If you like lesbian scenes, this is a good one, compared to the others in this movie. The set is ok, the floor is fine, the shadows are bad again, but the sex is adequate, and isn't too flashy, and naturally moves forward. The camera work is fine too, but the music once again horrible. As the scene continues, Tom Byron shows up, and starts to make out with Canyon as she sits on Wylde's face. Byron takes off his clothes, and starts have sex with Wylde, while Canyon guides the two, and that's it. Canyon rims Byron at one point, which is an interesting finish. Byron stays in one position mostly, and the sex is fine, Wylde seems to like the happenings, and eventually Byron cums on Wylde's butt, while Canyon plays with him a little, and that's that. The end of this movie.

I give "Video Tramp" a 2 out of 5.

Unles you're a big fan of Christy Canyon, I wouldn't recommend this movie. However, Christy Canyon fans, you'll love that she is in 3 scenes, and does get naked and has sex a lot, which is the point, right?