Daydreams Nightdreams (1997) Review

 

And we are back, today we are looking into a 1997 movie that features director Bud Lee working for VCA studios, and filming some of the top names in the 1990s. “Daydreams Nightdreams” stars a good cast overall. The cast of this adult feature includes Kylie Ireland, Asia Carrera, Randy West, Missy, Mickey G. , Alex Sanders, Shayla LaVeaux, Mia Ciccero, Steve Drake, and Jill Kelly. 

The movie starts in an office, with a good amount of set design. We are in an office and our stars are working around a law office, with nothing major going on. We just look into paralegal stuff, and random notes that suggest that we are in a law office. This plot driven movie is simple enough to start with, nothing too sexual goes on, and we are treated to the cast “acting” somewhat. The camera and lighting are good, and the set design is adequate, giving you that feeling that you’re in a larger studio than just the average gonzo picture. You can see that this is a set, and not a fully occupied office, as there are moments when you can see the grip, and others in the background. We are then proven that this is a porno as things get into the scenes.

Midway through the movie a magician shows up, and he has magical powers to give our heroine a way to go into the dream world. That’s right, from an office to a dream world scenario of magic, we get an interesting twist. If you’re one to look for storyline, there’s some here for you.  

Scene 1. Kylie Ireland, Sean Rider

A file is missing, our office worker interrupts Sean Rider and Kylie Ireland. Ireland looks a lot like Jenna Jameson in her youth, so that’s something to take into consideration. She has large enhanced breasts, blonde hair, anSd that youthful look you expect from porno actresses in the 1997 era. The music starts and we go straight into cunnilingus with Sean Rider taking the helm with Ireland. The office set here is fine, the two go through a few positions, nothing crazy, and eventually Rider finishes on Ireland’s behind. If you’re a fan of Ireland, you’ll like her work here, and Rider is a clean cut dude with a strong focus, so he gets through the scene with gusto. 

Scene 2. Asia Carrera, Randy West

The movie shifts directly into the next sex scene, so don’t worry about the plot any longer. We immediately get Randy West and Asia Carrera in another sex scene. This one focuses a lot on Asia and West oral, more than anything else. If you’re a fan of oral, then you’ll like how this goes. There’s a fast transition into the sex, and West and Asia don’t do it for very long, and West is apro as usual, no condom, straight forward sex with Asia Carrera. The two go from office wall, to office desk, to black couch and several positions. This is not a terrible scene, and Carrera really works over West good, and eventually gets the finish with a hand job, and that’s that. 

Scene 3. Missy, Mickey G.

The story takes a back seat now as we get into our next scene of sex. Missy is a nice blonde with fake breasts, and Mickey G is a veteran of the porno world. The two go straight into oral, and then fingering, before going at it on a couch. The camera cuts in close and you get a normal methodology here. Doggy into other options, with some hair pulling to boot. Mickey G is a pro here, and Missy moans a great deal as she goes through the positions, After a while we get to see a little anal action, and then the finishing touch from Mickey G after a little bit of play. There’s a hard cut to the end, and it’s obvious it wasn’t all one take, but that doesn’t matter, does it? It’s an adequate scene. 

Scene 4. Shayla LaVeaux, Randy West

The next scene features Shayla LaVeaux and Randy West. There is some lead up, but the two get right into the sex. West is always a pro, and Shayla LaVeaux moans somewhat in this quick romp. The two have little chemistry together and it is adequate, at best. THe two have sex on a desk, then a couch before a money shot is given and we are out of there. This is a weaker scene, and while Shayla LaVeaux is nice to look at, it’s just a paint by numbers scene. 

Scene 5. Asia Carrera, Alex Sanders

In the dream world now we have a cuckolding scene where Randy West has to watch his former partner Asia get it on with Alex Sanders. The two get right to it and have fast sex on a bed in the dream world. Asia keeps mocking West, and the scene goes forward with straight sex, and fast paced movements. We get a money shot onto Asia’s stomach, and the end of the scene, in dream land. It’s adequate, but you can tell that it’s robotic for the most part. 

Scene 6. Jill Kelly, Kylie Ireland, Mia Ciccero, Sean Rider

Another dreamworld option we get Sean RIder taking on three women at once, and he does an ok job with it, and the other women are there for eye candy as well. This is a condom scene, with an interesting bed layout, set, and lighting. It’s straight forward, Rider takes turn with Jill Kelly, Kylie Ireland, and Mia Ciccero. We get a money shot on Ireland’s chest, and then we move along to an all female scene. This was ok at best. 

Scene 7. Jill Kelly, Juli Ashton, Kylie Ireland, Shayla LaVeaux

A four way scene is shown next, and we get strap ons and lots of oral. If you’re a fan of lesbian sex, then you’ll like the movies momentum here. It’s a good solid scene, and the women, even though it seems like they are phoning it in at times, do a good job of providing eye candy overall and that’s what the movie is for, right? 

Scene 8. Shayla LaVeaux, Steve Drake

THe last scene is a pink lit scene with Shayla LaVeaux and Steve Drake. It’s an adequate scene, as it is just straight forward sex, with lots of intimacy up front, kissing, and petting before getting into the action. Drake wears a condom in this one, and it’s not that great, as the two are robotic in their endeavors. It’s an adequate scene, and there’s some good moments, but the rock soundtrack and lighting really take me away from the scene. 

Overall, “Daydreams Nightdreams” gets a 3 out of 5.

Guilty As Sin (1996) Review

Guilty as Sin (1996)

It took me a long time to get back into the swing of things. I have been working a lot, and have been pursuing a doctorate degree, and just found myself focusing on reading, writing, and other areas of interest. Today, we are going to be looking at a movie from 1996. This movie came out in 1996, and it is 93 minutes long. It was directed by Jim Enright, and distributed by Klimaxxx Productions. This movie features some great actors, so I am intrigued by the initial line up. This movie is called, “Guilty as Sin”, and it stars Missy, Mickey G, TT Boy, Nadia Moore, Precious Silver, Peter North, Alex Dane, Alex Dane, Celine Devoux, Blake Mitchell, and Jonathan Morgan. At the time of this movie’s filming around January of 1996, I was only 13 years old, so I did not see it until recently. Some of my personal favorite adult stars are in this movie, and they include TT Boy, Peter North, and Jonathan Morgan. Steve Drake, that rascal is here too, and of course a line up of women that came and went, and didn’t make a big splash like some other featured women on this site. But that’s the world of adult movies, hit and miss, and hope.

You ever wonder who the custodian of records is for these movies? The opening of this movie has a slow starting point, where you hear nothing, see nothing, but get that warning that the custodian of records has all the files on all of the performers, because they are all of age, etc.

The movie starts with three women talking. A secretary comes into an office and is talking about a new client. The new client is a blonde haired woman, and she said that she heard the attorney is the best and she needs the best. She’s in the worst running suit, and it’s hilarious. The office looks like your average set, grey carpeting, a book shelf, some books, a random credential, and a piece of Thomas Kincade art in the background. A desk, and brown bookshelf, and the lighting of course is coming from two angles, so the shadows are showcasing where the lighting rigs are. I’m trying to see if there’s a boom mic in the shot, but the editor did a good job of framing this enough to not see it, but I know it’s up there, and if you’re careful, you can catch the sound bouncing through it.

The blonde tells the attorney that she needs her, and the attorney said she doesn’t need anyone if she hasn’t been arrested or taken in for questioning yet. The blonde tries to convince the lawyer, but the attorney is not having it, until the blonde tells her a little more about her story, and that she has an alibi that has stopped her from killing her man. She says she has her own money, so there’s no way she could’ve killed her husband. When she starts that, the attorney sits down and starts to listen to a story, where we get a hard cut, and into the first scene of adult material.

We cut to a backyard swimming pool. There is a single camera shot looking in on Mickey G floating on a pool bed, and Missy comes through. She walks in with a bikini, but the frame of the shot is so uneven, you can barely see her get into the frame. The director has this shot framed horribly, and the sunlight is so bright, the backyard is washed out, the colors not grand. Missy is a thin, dirty blonde, and has that California tan. Missy gets down to the pool and starts to blow Mickey G immediately, without any interlude, and a hard camera cut, straight to the close up of her blowing him directly. I’m not a fan of the framing of this scene at all. The centering is all off, and the weight is positioned in an odd manner. Mickey G. begins giving Missy oral after she blows him for a while, and the two have basic chemistry, but nothing too grand. Missy’s make up is on point, non-reflective, and her blonde hair has roots that come through as the camera focuses in and out of the closeups. Mickey G. is unkempt and is playing a macho role here. Missy has long legs, that California, blonde, slightly tan but not really too pasty skin tone. The two get out of the pool and use the flotation device to go into more positions. Fans of Missy will find this performance to be adequate, as Mickey G goes through the motions of each position, his arm behind his back because the camera is right on the two as they try to have sex. This scene is quick, and ends with a cum shot on Missy’s face, as she moans. This is not a grand scene, but it’s straight sex, no condoms, and for the outdoors, safe in terms of fantasy land.

We go back to the attorney’s office where Missy talks about what is going on with the case. They talk about how an open marriage, and that they allowed one another to love others as well. Just then, Jonathan Morgan storms in and gives Missy a warrant for arrest. Then the attorney finally says she’ll be her client. Dana, is her name, and the acting here is horrible, with the exception of Jonathan Morgan. Morgan says that the woman shot her husband with a shotgun, and she’s guilty.

We move forward to an office building where Steve Drake and our attorney start to talk. They talk about what things are had by the client. The acting here isn’t too bad, not great, but the dialogue works well. The office here is an obvious set, with bad lighting, but Drake does well here as an evil attorney.

Another hard cut and we are nearly 20 minutes into the porno, and the plot thickens. We see a press release, then we get two women sitting in bed and talking more plot. Missy’s accused of murder, Steve Drake is the evil lawyer, and things keep moving forward, with lots of dialogue. That alone elevates this movie past minor porno status, and instead gives it a full 2 stars extra just for the plot, dialogue, and storyline.

Soft cut here, and we get Missy talking to her lawyer again. The two discuss the pieces of the case. This time we are in Missy’s house, but she’s wearing the same wardrobe as before. During this scene, Missy and her attorney discusses the relationship that Missy has with Charlie. Charlie is played by Peter North, mind you. It’s here that we transition to the next sex scene, and the director throws us into the mess.

We go back outside, and Missy is sitting on a park bench while TT Boy is over her, getting blown. The music starts, and it’s saxophone heavy, with TT Boy showcasing his prowess, and Missy putting on a show for Peter North, who plays the voyeur, or the cuck, depending on how you view this type of thing. Missy and TT Boy have a lot more chemistry than Mickey G did with her, and it shows. Missy rides him in various positions, and he gets really into it towards the end, giving Miss a great deal for the somewhat short scene all things considered. Meanwhile, Peter North sits and watches, and eventually TT Boy cums on Missy’s face, and positions her a bit further from him to get the first launch, which is fine, but not grand. It’s an ok scene, better than the first, that’s for certain.

The lawyer asks Missy if Charlie (Peter North) ever had other women, and that’s when the screen fades, and we see three women enter a room, and present themselves to North. Meanwhile, Missy watches from the corner of a badly decorated set. The show here starts immediately with terrible elevator rock music, that sounds all synth heavy. Nadia Moore, and Precious Silver are the actresses, and they are both skinny, model types, with enhanced breasts, and pretty faces. Both have darker hair, and are a contrast to missy’s blonde hair. The camera goes back and forth between solo action with Missy, to Peter North immediately getting blown and moaning. The set design here sucks, alongside with the lighting, which casts bad shadows all over the scene from overhead lighting. But as far as the sex is concerned, it’s not half bad, although North seems to be in work mode, while the women just go through the motions. You can tell the lighting is coming from the fourth wall, as the shadows give away the set details. As for titillation, the women put on a clinic of how to give ladies oral, meanwhile, North does his best to keep it up. The sex is as sterile as a brothel visit. This is not North’s best work, and Nadia and Precious seem to just be willing participants in a scene where they are more interested in each other, including one woman with a hood piercing. The music is horrible though, the set has green walls, and the camera is all over the place, so good luck with this one. Oh, and how can I forget, there’s a Peter North facial onto a tongue ring, and well, he doesn’t exactly drop a big load here, so if you’re looking for the best of North, this is not the scene for you.

We get back to the house that the attorney was in with Missy. The two start to discuss how many partners one another had. The two women continue to converse, and we get a scene where the attorney is driving. I kid you not, this is a legit movie, although B-level or C-level, but there’s structure here that you do not get with a lot of movies.

The lawyer shows up to her home and walks in, only to find Jonathan Morgan to be in her bed. The two argue about why she took the case. Morgan is a detective, mind you, and the two keep talking about the case, and how one thinks the client is guilty. Morgan gets thrown out of her house, in the worst acting job in the movie thus far.

A soft fade and we go to a court room scene. This is actually done well, and there’s even some non-sex actors in this! I love those! I was in one once. Anyways, this turns into a court room drama, and we get into the best dialogue, and attempts to act. If you are one to watch full movies, rather than just fast forward to sex, you’ll be delighted by the acting job done here. Except for the fact that the attorney here is just reading aloud, not from memory. The judge as well isn’t really taking it seriously, and why would he? It’s a porno, right? A witness is called to the stand, and it’s Alex Dane.

A hard cut takes us into the bedroom of Alex Dane and Peter North. Dane is a skinny, small breasted, brunette, and she immediately begins with a blow job on Peter North. The music here is horrendous, and the set design is actually straight of the 1980s. The flowery brown couch, the hardwood flooring, white piano, and terrible contrast of color and design makes me laugh. Dane and North have a bit of chemistry, especially Dane who really seems to get into the act of giving North a good scene. The two have sex on a brown couch with flowery patterns, and a reddish background, a thrift store find if you ask me. The sex goes through several instances, and positions, with North maintain speed, and precision eventually going through anal. It’s apparent that Dane isn’t that into it, but the scene calls for it, so it goes forward. The music is synth heavy, and it’s fake horns here, and it’s horrible. It’s louder than the sex sounds, which have Dane moaning and North just breathing heavily. After some time, North finishes on Dane’s chest, and that’s that. This is bland. Very little chemistry, and just run of the mill in terms of lighting, and camera work. It’s lazy if you ask me.

Missy shows up and sees the two after they’ve had sex, and she’s upset.

The movie goes forward with the court case, and Drake keeps pushing the witness, and we get moving forward into Drake’s office. Here we see a blonde in a red dress talking to our prosecutor. The two start kissing, and soft music starts. Celine Devoux is the actress here, and she looks like Topanga from “Boy Meets World”, with her hair done like her, thick thighs, and skin tone that draws you in. The set here again is bland, but it’s done up to look like a cheap lawyer’s office or a motel, for that matter. The lighting sucks again, and I’m wondering who green lit this thing, but it’s a porno, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Devoux and Drake begin with foreplay, and Drake giving some breast play to start. Devoux’s chest is natural, from what I can tell, but then again, this is 1996, maybe they aren’t? I don’t know, I should know. She has cake makeup, is trimmed, and the camera goes right into the tongue and labia, so if you’re a fan of oral, or want to learn, Drake seems to put on a clinic with the foreplay and oral. Drake uses his fingers, mouth, and more to get the first initial climax, and the camera moves lower to show you different angles, and I take back my comment about Devoux’s chest not being enhanced. The sex starts, and it’s casual, nothing crazy, reverse cowgirl, couch sex, Devoux moaning, and for the most part, it’s just run of the mill. I can’t really say it’s terrible, but it’s apparent that Drake and Devoux do not match chemistry, but rather are doing the job. Devoux is a blonde haired stripper type, and if that’s your thing, enjoy. Otherwise, you’re going to get distracted by the lack of chemistry, if that’s what you’e looking for. At the 72 minute mark, there’s anal, and that’s where the scene takes a tonal shift, with the two actually seeming to love what they do, so kudos on that. A cum shot on the chest of Devoux, and that’s the end of the scene.

Drake gets a phone call, and it’s Jonathan Morgan saying that there’s another murder. This time it’s a young man, and it’s another shotgun killing.

The movie then moves forward, and we get to see what really is happening. The attorney talks to Missy, and we then go to a room where Missy is talking to someone on the phone, yelling. The phone is tapped, and we are seeing the end of this story unfold. Missy is in on an extortion plot, she throws the phone down and pulls out a gun, and grabs a leather jacket, this thing is turning into a revenge thriller!

The plot finally thickens, and I’m all in here. A detective is on her tail, and we get some thriller type music, as she pulls up to a house, under the cover of night, to see Peter North come out in a suit, and he’s not dead afterall! North says that the two can run away together. The attorney shows up, talks her out of it, and right before she shoots North, a detective shows up and that’s the end. The whole story wraps up with a detective and our attorney.

Up to this point I didn’t want to name the attorney, because I’m lazy. It’s Blake Mitchell, a short haired redhead, with large breasts. Jonathan Morgan and her begin to kiss on the set of her apartment, and begin with breast play. The oral sex on this scene is good, and Morgan sure has some initial skills with Mitchell, which I definitely appreciated, considering this movie seems to lack in the sex department at times. The camera hides behind a plant at one point, which is hilarious to me. This apartment is designed like the worst Ikea in the world, mind you. The sex begins with a condom on, mind you, the first condom I’ve seen in this whole movie. We start with doggy style, and it’s ok at best. Mitchell moans, and Morgan concentrates, but you can tell that it’s just pure concentration, and nothing more. We switch to another position, Morgan on top and going forward as fast as he can, and then leading to an end of a cum shot on Mitchell’s triple D breasts, which the camera makes look enormous with the angle they choose.

The camera fades, and we get the end, that’s it. The end sequence, and a finish line for the movie.

“Guilty As Sin” was not my favorite movie in terms of sex. But as far as a full movie, with a script, with lots of dialogue, editing, sequencing, and full plot, this is a stellar example of what can be done with a minor budget, for a sex movie. It’s a movie I could see in theaters, and enjoy enough not to finish myself off within the first scene. That’s a special kind of porno movie, isn’t it? Well, it’s something alright.

I give “Guilty As Sin” a 3 out of 5.

You can buy, stream, and download “Guilty As Sin” from 1996, and see extras, and maybe even give it a better rating by clicking here!

Crazed (1997) Review

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Anal Professor (1996) Review

Anal Professor (1996) DVD Cover

Today on this blog we are going to go back to the year 1996. To a straight to VHS movie that has an interesting parody title, but moreover is far more sexual than anything you saw from mainstream Hollywood. The movie is none other than, “Anal Professor”. The best part of this movie is the music, which yields a mix of different piano, funk, and jazz tunes, amidst the obvious call to porno sex. The movie is not quite gonzo, but it might as well be, as the movie starts with a funny premise and then throws into a threeway within 2 minutes of starting. Either way, the movie stars Missy, Mickey G, Steve Hatcher, China Lee, Dave Hardman, Kyle Stone, Rick Masters, Nina Cherry, Stacy Valentine, and a couple of others. The movie is straight up sex, and all multiple people at a time. The music is pretty neat, but then again, that’s not why you’re watching this, are you?

The opening shows a scientist with a bubbling liquid, stating that he’s found something amazing, and that he now has to go and apply to the FDA for approval. He hands a beaker to his assistant, played by Missy, and then runs off.

Within seconds, Missy sees Mickey G and Steve Hatcher and decides to disrobe. The three start to kiss, and they start heading for a hospital bed that is conveniently located near the lab. They then start to take off their clothes, and start oral. Missy wears black lingerie, is a dirty blonde, has beautiful eyes, small breasts, and has a garter belt attached to stockings, and heels. She’s not shaved, but rather trimmed, and gets very wet for Mickey G to start. From there the scene just goes straight into sex with Mickey G starting things off and then Steve Hatcher getting a turn, no one using condoms for this scene. True to the title, there is some anal towards the end of this opening sequence. They both enter slowly, separately, and Missy moans with pleasure as both guys take turns with anal sex. At the 15 minute mark, however, this turns into a DP on Missy. Mickey G and Steve Hatcher DP Missy, and she seems to enjoy it for the most part, moaning and nearly screaming at one point. If you’re a fan of DP, here’s a scene for you, as it certainly is stellar in movement and work rate. Missy even asks to get choked at one point, which is rare for me on this blog, but it works well enough. The double continues until both guys start to finish and then they give you a money shot, all on Missy’s face, which isn’t terrible, but lacks the “quantity” that you’d expect from this type of finish. The music was the best part here. The guys here aren’t huge, and they aren’t shaved, but are cut, so that’s something, right?

After the sex scene, 4 scientists start talking about how this new formula will change all sex and desire forever. They call for a nurse, as three of the people are skeptical. They call in China Lee and tell the nurse that they have some Kool Aid for her to drink, and of course she goes for it. This of course causes her to get hyper sexual, and then, have a foursome with them.

Once the woman drinks, she wants to do all of the scientists, which never happens in real life, mind you. The scene then gets into the sex right away, even though the guys aren’t even hard yet. This scene features China Lee, Dave Hardman, Kyle Stone, Rick Masters, and Steve Hatcher. They all have lab coats, and start to undress. It’s a weird scene at first, because none of the guys are hard, and China Lee is trying to help them by sucking them off, but it is a lot of lukewarm response, with the exception of one guy who gets hard and then immediately goes into China Lee. She’s not wet or anything, but he goes forward, while the other guys are getting harder as she sucks on them. One guy is left out of camera frame for the most part, and he’s not hard at all, trying to get it up and looking painfully obvious that he’s not ready. Meanwhile the camera keeps going back to the sex, and China Lee starts to get wet, allowing the scene to progress a bit more. She moans a little, but not nearly as much as you’d expect. The set is a scientist’s office, with chalkboard and all. At around 36 minutes, there is a DP on China Lee and she seems to enjoy it, talking about how it feels good and moaning a bit louder. Meanwhile, the other guys are not hard, and they are seen trying to get erect, which is a sour spot for this scene. Overall, however, it works, and China Lee takes on two men in her at once for a good while taking turns between a few anal insertions. There is a DP in one hole at one point, with two in her anus, which I haven’t seen and reviewed for this blog yet, which is an interesting sight to see. This is normal now, but back then, it wasn’t as normal. It’s an interesting showcase, and well, I can’t speak to the pleasure, but it's hardcore. The show ends with China Lee taking money shots from the guys, and that’s the end.

The scene abruptly ends, then you get pushed into another moment in time. It starts with Nina Cherry drinking from a red solo cup and saying that she’s very horny. Then out come 3 science dorks, and sing, “hello”, before she takes off all of her clothes. Nina Cherry has vinyl boots on and has long hair, breast implants, and tanned skin. She looks a bit like China Lee, only a bit more Latin. This scene features Nina Cherry, Dave Hardman, Rick Masters, and Steve Hatcher. This is the same set as before. But instead of having four guys, there’s just three. But the same problem that plagued the other scene plagues this one, where only one guy seems to be getting hard, and the others are just not that into this process. It’s painfully obvious, until one guy finally just tries insertion, and the director has to cut and realign the shot. The cut is harsh, and then returns to Nina Cherry riding the only guy that is hard for this scene, and it’s not bad. She gets on top and goes for it, while the other guys just watch and try to get hard. This is a sad scene if you ask me, with lackluster music, and the fact that two guys can’t get it up. At around the 59 minute mark, however, things start to progress and all the guys start taking turns with anal, then get into a DP. The DP isn’t bad, but it’s far from good, as Nina Cherry moans through it, and just takes a lot of movement. It looks ok, and if you’re a fan of her than you’ll love to see her in this. One dude kept slipping out of anal, and the director moved to not show the blunders. This ends up with three guys finishing on Nina Cherry and that’s it. It’s a lackluster scene.

After this scene, we see one of the scientists outside with a jar of the secret potion. He wants to throw it away since it is dangerous to use. But he is convinced to not do so. The two walk back inside and there’s Stacy Valentine. She’s wearing a sun dress and just watches the two argue, until they give the girl a drink. This leads to sex, and it’s the main event, so to speak.

Stacy Valentine, Jonathan Morgan, and Steve Hatcher start to make out, and it’s a better scene than all of the others. The guys get hard immediately, and Stacy Valentine immediately goes for a blow job. She looks younger here, she doesn’t have her second breast implant surgery, and she seems enthused for the most part. There’s not a lot of foreplay with this scene, at around 1 hour and 8 minutes, one of the guys goes doggy style and Stacy sucks off another guy. She gets wet by using her fingers, and getting plowed to start. The smooth jazz has a strong bass line as she moans and the guys continue to build up a sweat. This is a scene that has a bit of gusto to it, and it shows that she definitely starts getting off by it, as she cums and tightens her body up when she does, as there are no condoms again. She’s trimmed not shaved, and this scene moves swiftly. Since it’s the final scene, there’s no filler here, and it is straight hardcore. The trio have sex on an orange couch, and one of the guys looks like Anders from “Workaholics”, which is kind of funny. The two dudes stay very hard, and Swift sweats through this one, until the two go for a DP. There’s an interesting moment at around 1 hour and 15 minutes where one of the guys is playing with Stacy Valentine’s clitoris and starts to do it with heavy fingers and you see her move his hands. It’s a weird blooper. He does this as he goes into her with anal. She stops him and then the camera switches angles. It’s a weird blooper. We go from a sweaty Stacy Valentine to a totally dry one, as the guys go back into anal, and then the main event, Stacy Valentine double penetration. That’s right, Stacy Valentine DP starts at around one hour and 17 minutes or so, and the two go all in with this one. This is a hardcore scene, but the director focuses on Stacy’s face and the insertions. She is not that into it, and it shows. I’m not sure why. She moans a bit, but she looks back at the camera as if the director is telling her something and she just kind of goes through the motions. After some time in this, the guys start jerking it and eventually finish on her face, and that’s it. Stacy Valentine gets two loads, and the movie goes to credits. I must say, she’s beautiful here, and if you erased the two dicks that are about to cum, you’d have one hell of a portrait of a lovely lady. Oh wait, this is porn, so you can’t erase that. They cum on her face, and that’s the end.

I give “The Anal Professor” a 2 out of 5.

The only reason I’d watch this, and I’m not sure that I will again is for the Stacy Valentine DP scene. That’s about it. Other than that, the premise is funny, but the execution isn’t that grand. It’s not a long movie, and it does have a good plot to it, but man, it’s not that fun to watch. I think I liked the idea of the movie more than the actual scenes. With only 4 scenes, and Stacy Valentine’s double penetration, this gets a 2 out of 5, but that’s about it.

You may like “The Anal Professor” and want it as part of your collection. If that’s true, then CLICK HERE, and see what this movie is all about. You may love it, I didn’t, but hey, I’m just a random dude on the internet. Stacy Valentine is always a dream girl, so get it to see her.

The Shark (1999) Review

The Shark (1999) DVD Cover

The smooth jazz opening from Wicked greeted me for a trip back to 1999. The movie in question today is, “The Shark”, and it stars Nina Hartley, Serenity, Evan stone, Alex Sanders, Mickey G, Bridgette Kerkove and many others. I was surprised by the high quality introduction, with some good music for a change. The videography is done by Jake Jacobs, editing by Donald O’Brien, written by Patti Rhodes, and directed by F.J. Lincoln. This is a higher budget film than I’m used to reviewing, and it’s kind of an exciting thing to get a higher budget 1990s movie. I call it a movie because the music is done well, the film grain is there, and it is definitely more than just a random gonzo porno, which I’m all about. There’s a story, and it opens with a poker scene, and some interesting music. An underground poker game starts, and we see our stars playing, nothing crazy, right? Nope.

“The Shark” starts with a bunch of guys playing poker, and two women looking at one another. This is Nina Hartley and Serenity. They look at one another and they leave the poker table. They exchange a few words in the bathroom, and Nina gets on her knees and starts to give Serenity oral. I can say this much about Nina Hartley, she’s amazing, and she knows what’s she is doing, because she really gives it to Serenity, in what seems to be a natural sequence of lesbian sex. Serenity is an up and comer, while Hartley is a legend. The two are blonde haired, fit women, and here you see a lot of oral and the use of a toy, with Serenity orgasming for real, and Nina Hartley looking amazing. I would love to meet her one day, I bet she has some stories to tell. This isn’t a long scene. The music is funny, as it sounds like big band Las Vegas style. The two go back and forth giving each other kisses and oral, and eventually finish, and that’s that. This is a hot scene if you like lesbian sex, and if you love the actresses, then you’re going to enjoy this somewhat short scene.

When the sex is done, we get back to a poker game, and it’s not that great. It’s just a random game, and everyone is winning and losing. The story goes, that Mickey G is running out of money. Mickey leaves the game, and then goes home. He is wishing he could get more money, but instead just paces as Serenity sits in a weird looking chair. Mickey G then wants to play Serenity in a game of poker. She goes to sleep, and the next scene features Serenity showing up to the poker house and winning big.

The sun comes up, and we are back at the house where Mickey G. is just playing solitaire and trying to just relax. In comes Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige. The two women give Mickey G. one hell of a ride. We then get a full sexual romp with Mickey G. Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige, and it’s not half bad. One blonde and one burnette, and we get an interesting focused sex scene with some synth rock. Mickey G. seems to have a hadr time getting hard at first, going soft with the initial blow job, and it’s kind of odd. The director wisely shifts gears, and you are directly placed into the sex, where Mickey finally is hard and going through doggy with one of the women. Mickey wears a condom and enters one of the women, the music shifts to a techno beat, and this becomes a standard sex scene. It’s not as passionate as the other stuff I’ve seen Mickey in, but it works for this scenario. There’s not much chemistry between the actors, and it’s a bit telling. There is an anal sequence, and at that point things get a little louder. If you’re a fan of anal, then you’ll like how this sequence ends, as Mickey gets his rhythm and really does well towards the end of the scene, eventually cumming and rubbing his member on the blonde, but not putting himself back in, making it an ok scene.

UP next we see Serenity winning a big load at the poker table. She complains that she wants to get into bigger action. She then walks towards another table and sits down. She wants higher stakes. And she starts to jump into a table that is higher ranked.

Moving along, Serenity goes back to the house. Evan stone and Nina Hartley introduce themselves to Serenity, but after some time, you end up going to the bedroom. In the bedroom Nina Hartley and Evan Stone start making out. This leads to Nina taking off her lingerie, keeping her heels on and blowing Stone. Evan Stone really gets hard here, and Hartley is one of the classic porno stars that looks amazing for her age. If you’re a fan of hers, you’ll love her work here as Stone can barely keep without cumming at various stages. The foreplay isn’t long as Evan Stone drives himself into Nina in missionary position and then some. He has a condom on, but you don’t see him put it on. She gets really wet and moans a great deal, as Stone throws down his classic moves. It’s a straightforward hard sex scene, with Stone cumming on Hartley’s back and butt, and that’s that. Not a great scene, but it did start hot. He slaps his penis on Nina’s but and causes her to scream, and than that’s that.

We move along to Mickey G. waiting outside of a lounge begging for another shot at the deeper table. Alex Sanders says that he can’t let her borrow the money, except, maybe sex. So the two engage some sex, and that’s the next scene.

Serenity and Alex Sanders start to make out in the lounge, and that leads to sex. It starts with Serenity giving Sanders a blow job, and getting really into it, then Sanders fingering her. The two have a bit of chemistry together, which makes this scene stand out amidst the others. You also get romantic music to score the scene. It feels more like a Hollywood production than a porno, which is always a good thing when it comes to porno. Sanders is completely shaved, Serenity’s dirty blonde long hair reaches down to her lower back, and she is truly a curvaceous blonde. Serenity really gets into it at one point and cums on Sanders’ fingers and that’s the hottest part of this scene. Her moans are genuine, and she contracts with real orgasms. Eventually a condom comes on and the two engage in a nice romp. The setting of a bar next to a pool table is good, and the sex is dynamic, with Serenity wearing black heels, and just getting into the action. She looks kind of like the girl next door, but with a twist, and Sanders looks like a rocker. The two go forward in some nice back and forth. Eventually Sanders cums on her face, and that’s the end. This is a much more romantic scene than I thought it would be, and it turned out great.

Up next, Serenity gets a chance at playing with the big boys of poker. They go through some motions, and then leaves Sanders and Tracy Love alone. That leads to another sex scene.

Tracy Love is a short haired busty blonde, and Alex Sanders is the same dude that you already saw. The two make out on the top of a bar, and Love really gets into the action right away. She looks like Sunny from WWE at one point. Tracy Love and Alex Sanders go through a hot, hard scene here. This is done in a bar, on top of the bar itself and it starts with kissing than oral fast. Love is shaved, and she gets really wet really fast, and things go smoothly for the most part. This is a much harder scene than the first one was, and it’s interesting to see. Alex Sanders really goes in hard with Tracy Love here. The scene is fast, and hard, with a focus on anal at one point. He slowly drives it in, then goes to town with Love screaming at one point. He eventually cums on her pubic mound and that’s it. This was a very fast scene, with a lovely girl, and Sanders playing a good role overall.

The movie continues, and it’s the end. Mickey G thanks Serenity for winning the big poker game and squaring all the money with Sanders. The two start to make out in a bathroom, and you know that this is the end of movie. Serenity and Mickey G. start to make out, and then undress, going into a passionate love making scene, that is the signature for Wicked. The two step into a hot tub, and oral commences. Serenity blows Mickey and this time he’s hard nearly immediately. He starts giving her oral, and she’s shaved, and gets really wet really fast. The two obviously have some chemistry together and it shows. She moans a great deal. Mickey puts on a condom and the two have sex on the tub, in the tub, and through multiple positions. The bathroom looks like a major vegas suite, and there’s a techno beat with a singer underneath the moaning and the groaning. This is an above average scene with the two actually having some chemistry. It’s interesting to see them work through the motions of sex here and definitely something that you would love if you’re a fan of either performers. I’m not a big fan of Serenity, but she’s hot enough to make these scene interesting. Mickey G tries to hold on for a lot of the scene, nearly cumming several times, but eventually holds on to finally cum for a money shot. The money Shot features Mickey G cumming on serenity’s face and that’s the end of the movie. Serenity is a good looking dirty blonde haired woman, and seems to enjoy this scene most.

The movie ends with Serenity winning the World Championship of Poker, and that’s about it. Nothing too crazy, and nothing too grand. The movie finishes off with the credits, and it’s not half bad if you ask me.

I give “The Shark” a 3 out of 5.

I can’t give it more than 3 because of the condom use, which isn’t seen being put on, and the lackluster enthusiasm on several of the scenes. While there are a few scenes that are very good, the sets are done well, and there’s a decent story, the performances aren’t that titillating, so I have to give this a 3. Hey, if you’re a fan of Serenity, you’ll love this one, but if you’re not, you may find this to be passable at best.

You can order “The Shark” on DVD by clicking here, and streaming it as well with 10 minutes free!

Liquid Lust (1997) Review

Liquid Lust (1997) DVD Cover

Today we are going to venture to a movie that was released in 1997. I tend to not pick movies to review that have explicit covers, but you can’t always run from them, especially when it comes to porno. I like porno movies that have better covers than this, but then again, there are some covers that are just explicit because that’s what is inside the video. For this video in particular, I wanted to see early work from Stephanie Swift. She’s not the only star here, she’s working with John Decker, Sindee Cox, Charlie, Coral Sands, Holly Body, Mickey G, Missy, and others. For a late 1990s entry, I didn’t know what to expect, so it’s interesting to see what goes down here. I’m a fan of Stephanie Swift, mind you, so I did at least expect her to be an attractive point in this movie, but it’s also 1997, so maybe I shouldn’t have much of an expectation. “Liquid Lust” is a series of movies, but I am reviewing the first one here, and we’ll see how it all pans out.

“Liquid Lust” starts with a blonde haired, big breasted woman taking a bath, rubbing warm water around her body, and showcasing a very soft-core look. It’s artsy, it features milk, and her skin is very smooth, and attractive. This is the type of work that I expect from Andrew Blake, not a random 1997 porno, that’s for sure. The opening felt very much like a Hustler or Playboy Channel video, as it was surely just wetness, and whom I’m going to assume is Sindee Coxx. I could be wrong, mind you, but I’m going to assume it was her.

The movie continues, and you get a soundtrack that is very much jazzy, and freestyle. With synth sounds and vocalization that is in the backdrop. There are moments where you are blocked from seeing certain things, as the movie continues, and it appears that this was definitely a Spice Network feature. However, outside of the blocking, you get hardcore elements, and the first major sex scene is a dramatic, slow moving one, that features Sindee Coxx dancing for a male stud, but his name is not known to me, nor is it listed in iafd, so he’s just “guy”. He doesn’t look familiar to me. The music is interesting here, and it gets lowered to hear Coxx’s moans as the foreplay begins, on the side of a bath tub that is filled with milk and flowers. The camera shows you the first element of hardcore, as the guy starts to give oral to Coxx, and it’s very slow, methodical, and sensual. The guy’s clothes come off and you get a blow job scene that is not half bad, as Coxx definitely does well here, but it’s not a long scenario. She blows a bit, before getting started with a sexual romp at around the 20 minute mark. There’s a fade at one point, the music gets turned down further and our Guy goes all in with Coxx. She immediately starts to moan and even scream at one point, getting a little wet, and the two have sex on the counter top of a sink. The music gets annoying in contrast to Coxx’s moans. There’s a money shot that features the guy cumming on Coxx’s stomach and it’s not half bad, he really lets out a lot, and the music kicks back in, and we move onto our next scene.

It's at this point that I realize that this is a gonzo porno movie, and I hate those. I’m not a fan of gonzo productions at all.

The next scene starts in pool setting with a waterfall. You get some nice calming music, like this is a meditation scene, and the camera pans to show you two very beautiful women. They are nude, thin, and are rubbing themselves. The women start to kiss, and use their fingers. These are two brunettes, and they are Coral Sands and Holly Body. The camera goes under water at one point, and you can see the action from below, it’s quite titillating if you ask me. If you’re one that loves lesbian scenes, this is a pretty basic option and it’s not that crazy to note. Both women are well shaved, and just a small patch of pubic hair remains, as the music takes over and you see the two women just playing with no moaning, or any sounds etc. The music switches and a random woman shows up. She’s credited as Charlie. So Charlie, Coral Sands, and Holly Body start to kiss and start oral. Thet wo just go through the motions of lesbian sex, and this threesome is artsy, complete with a jazzy soundtrack that has a lot of piano, bass, and keyboards. It’s slow, and just doesn’t seem to fit the soft-core erotic element here. Yes there’s some hardcore to it, but not much. It’s more of a soft-core element, and well it works if you can get off to not seeing penetration a whole lot. There’s no sound from them, mind you.

The scene ends and we are taken to another scene. There’s no story here, it’s just Mickey G. and Missy. The two are passionately kissing in slow motion. If you’re a fan of slow motion blow jobs, and sex, then you’ll love the starting point of this scene. Missy and Mickey G. have passionate oral elements up front. The scene turns into an erotic production with a focus on art, rather than just raw sex. I guess that’s good, and could very well be something that couples would love. I’m not a big fan of this, but I also am not anyone else, I’m just me. The two kiss, with a backdrop of a staircase in a mansion, with proper lighting, and lots of blocking for the softcore cable crowd. Eventually the two start to have sex, and it’s a slow moving affair. Different positions on the stairs, and you hear minor moaning, but mostly you hear the soundtrack. There’s a lot of blocking from the staircase, and some of the angles don’t show penetration, but for the most part this is an adequate sex scene, as it does the job fine, it’s just, well, slow and sensual. That’s not bad, mind you, it’s just not what most people expect when watching porno. Missy is a tall blonde and wears white stockings, while Mickey G is an every-man type, and sticks it in deep without a condom. Eventually Missy screams as Mickey G puts his penis in her ass, going forward with an anal scene. With anal, Missy screams and moans, and the scene gets a little bit better for the most part. There’s an eventual money shot, where Mickey cums on Missy’s face, and that’s the end.

Moving forward, we get another sensual scene. This time it’s with Alyssa Love and Jay Ashley. This is sensual at the core of what it means to be sensual. It has art, a fireplace backdrop, kissing couple, and slow moving sexual elements. The music is also romantic, with piano notes, and looping drum beats. It’s truly a “how to guide” for couples, and I’m baffled that this is the movie I’ve picked to review today. This is a first for the site, and well, it is a porno, but I didn’t picture myself having to review such movies. Alyssa Love has a blonde streak in her black hair, and Jay Ashley is a young stud, and focuses on oral pleasure first, before getting into the sexual element. The two are on pillows on a floor in front of a fireplace, and it’s very much a softcore scene to start. Eventually the two start having sex, and well it’s ok. It’s not that fast, it’s multiple positions, no condom, and the music continues to be the best part here. It’ll get you there if you absolutely are into it, but the two just don’t seem that attractive to me, and it’s mechanical at best. They don’t have chemistry, even though they seem to work through the motions of sex. It’s robotic, and well, it gets to a climax, but not an exciting one as the sound and motion is a bit boring. The music is the best part of this scene. Eventually, there’s a money shot where Jay pulls out and cums on Alyssa’s face and that’s about it. He doesn’t even sweat in this scene. I got bored watching this. I doubt anyone is really into this scene, that’s for sure.

The scene changes to an outdoors location and it’s Stephanie Swift in a pool. She then meets up with John Decker, and the two start to go into sex. Stephanie Swift and John Decker have sex poolside. The music here is far more upbeat than anything you’ve heard thus far. It’s not quite jazzy, it’s more rhythmic and funny in the porno context. It’s stereotypical, really, and I laughed when it came on. You do hear more of the sounds from Swift and Decker, though, so that’s a plus. There’s no “art” here, it’s the two engaging in sex, and that’s it. The only difference between this scene and the others is that John Decker has a condom on when he has sex with Stephanie Swift. It’s visible, and not sure why this scene over the others had this element in it. There is no chemistry at first, but then the two move to a chair and then they seem to get into it. Stephanie Swift at one point screams and moans, as there’s a distinctive orgasm point, and that’s followed by John Decker cumming on her stomach. Other than that, it’s a mechanical sex scene, where the two are professional with each other, and lacks that passion that you would expect from sex on film, or not expect, I don’t know.

I give “Liquid Lust” a 2 out of 5.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Stephanie Swift, but here, she’s not that passionate with John Decker. If you’re a fan of hers, and want to collect all of her movies, then go ahead and get Liquid Lust from 1997. It’s not a terrible movie, it’ll get you there, but as a whole, it’s not a great porno movie, and honestly, it’s just another gonzo picture from the late 1990s. What else can I really say about it?

You can buy “Liquid Lust” from 1997 through various outlets. If you’re a fan of Stephanie Swift, you will want to see her working with John Decker, but other than that, I wouldn’t say that this is an instant classic or anything.

Carnivorous (1999) Review

Carnivorous (1999) DVD Cover 

It just so happened that I had to review another modern classic, one that was shot on film, and looks great overall. The starting point of this movie is all film grain, and really well shot. I am surprised by the budget, and the art direction which has 4 people working on it. The editing is top notch, the music is good, and everything about this movie starts off with a killer element to it. I didn’t see this one featured on The Spice Network, or anything, and so this is all new to me. Nic Cramer directs, and lots of well known actors star in this movie from 1999, it’s called “Carnivorous”, and it stars Jessica Drake. That’s right, another Jessica Drake movie, because apparently I find her beautiful all of a sudden, or it’s just a matter of selection. Other people in this movie includes Mickey G. Kristen, Brian Surewood, Gia, Chris Cannon, Ian Daniels, Cheyenne Silver, and Evan Stone.

The movie opens up in what appears to be an old west setting. Jessica Drake is trying to beat the heat with some water when Evan Stone with an eyepatch shows up and points a gun at her. That’s when you get narration, and story, and an interruption by Mickey G. The story is about an erotic novelist that is having a hard time figuring out how to move his story along, and Jessica Drake plays his wife that is breaking his concentration here and there. The erotic novel has a wild west theme to it, and the movie goes between the writer and his book, and so we get moving forward from there.

The first major sex scene starts around 5 minutes from the credits, and it features Jessica Drake and Mickey G. There’s a nice western themed guitar riff going and some drums, meanwhile the two make out for the most part. This is a sensual scene, featuring lots of kissing and lots of romantic elements between Jessica Drake and Mickey G. Drake in this movie has dirty brown hair, which is different from what I remember her having in the previous movie I reviewed. After some kissing, she gets on her knees and delivers a very sloppy, slow, and sensual blow job to Mickey G. The music is a rocksteady beat of guitar work, and is similar to what you’d expect from Eric Clapton, believe it or not. It’s a nice tune to complement the sex that is occurring here. Drake does well enough here, with passion, and Mickey G holds on for dear life, the professional, obviously. The movie switches to sex, and it’s standing doggy style, and it’s just straightforward, nothing crazy. Mickey G. dawns a condom, and Drake takes it, while wearing a shirt, so you can’t see her completely nude. It’s a steady scene of sex, and nothing too exciting, an outdoor sex scene with film grain, and high quality editing. Eventually positions change, and Drake takes off her top, and Mickey G. looks to be concentrating not trying to cum early, and rightfully so, because after a certain point Drake goes all in on this, and seems to lose herself in the scene. It’s an exciting thing to see, and the music shifts to a bass heavy element, as the two finish up with each other outdoors. The money shot goes forward with Mickey G letting loose on Drakes face, and she keeps stroking afterwards, then puts her mouth on it, a stellar movement, that is just sexy. Drake really seems to do well here, and acts great if you ask me.

The scene ends and you get narration, where our writer talks to his assistant or an editor and gets feedback about the book. He then is by a pool and talks to someone else about the book and some ideas as to how to keep writing etc.

We move along to the next scene, another imaginative tale, this time it’s Brian Surewood and Kristen that are in an artsy bedroom having sex. It’s as close as you’re going to get to a gonzo scene in this high end production. This woman is thin, has long legs, dirty blonde hair, and wears heels. Meanwhile, Brian Surewood looks like a mix of one of the DOA from WWF mid 1990s and Jesse Ventura. He gets straight to oral, with Kristen moaning and rubbing herself, all the while a techno beat plays under them. This porn actress looks like Ann Coulter a little, so you can imagine her that way. Kristen works through a nice blow job but she keeps looking at the camera, and it’s odd, to see her staring at the director and the camera. There’s a camera change, and then things get to the action, with full penetration as you’d expect, and a scene that speeds up quite well. The initial starting line doesn’t seem to have a condom, so it’s a bit different than the previous scene, and this goes from insertion to high gear. Brian Surewood really goes hard here, and why not? It’s a fast moving scene with a lot of action, and not much else. You get multiple positions, lots of movement, and a money shot on Kristen’s face, with an ending blow and tug, and that’s that. A good fast paced scene that is not sensual as it is just two people going at it, which is a nice change of pace from the starting scene.

The movie continues, and it’s our writer talking to Jessica Drake, and she wants him to stop working and drinking. She has little to no makeup on here, and is quite attractive here. I’d love to interview Jessica Drake and ask her a few questions about characters and more, but I don’t know who to even call for that one.

Moving along our writer needs help trying to get a bit of action, and with the help of an assistant he comes up with a new gonzo scenario. This time it features a tall, skinny woman that goes through a jail. She has brown hair and an orange dress, and starts to talk to a guard, and then gets into the action. The two start having sex in a cell, and she keeps her dress on for the most part. She’s very thin, and the guard is a bit dominant to her submissive style, and the two work well together, although it’s a bit straightforward, and out of the blue. It’s another contrast to the style that was placed in the earlier scenes, this time with techno and a bit slower methodology. It’s not fast at all, which is ok, but the two seem to lack chemistry for the start and eventually build. The two actors that start include Gia and Ian Daniels or Chris Cannon, I’m not sure. Either way, the two start and then we get a third. The music speeds up to a techno and keyboard mix, and things get even hotter when a third person comes in to help with the movement. You start with two, and end with three, and it’s not half bad overall, but it’s not sexy if you ask me. There’s something missing here, and while there are no condoms in sight, and the movie is well porn, it just lacks a certain chemistry if you ask me.

Moving forward we end up with a scene that features Cheyenne Silver and Evan Stone. This after a segue where the writer and Jessica Drake discuss the next scene and how they can make it better. The sex features a condom, and Evan Stone going through the motions. Silver and Stone do not have the same chemistry that I’ve seen him have with other actresses, but it’s a functional scene where he just goes through the motions and that’s about it. I’ve seen him interact with many others, and this was not nearly as wild or as intense. Silver is a blonde hair young woman, and she’s attractive, don’t get me wrong, but you can tell that the two are just going through the motions and aren’t really that into it at times. The money shot occurs on Silver’s chest and that’s it, nothing too wild. She even looks at the camera to see if the director wants her to stop or not, and that’s it.

The scene switches and the writer talks to a friend about where things are going, etc. Then he introduces the last bit of the story to a couple of women, these being Jessica Drake and Shanna McCullough. This ending scene features Mickey G, Shanna McCullough, and Jessica Drake.

I give “Carnivorous” a 3 out of 5.

The final scene got me, I have to admit. Shanna McCullough and Jessica Drake making Mickey G a lucky man is a great ending to an otherwise average porno movie.

You can purchase “Carnivorous” through a variety of means, including the link right here, which is something to consider.

Dangerous Tides (1997) Review

Dangerous Tides (1997) DVD Poster

Today we go back to the 1990s, when there were a few women that were owning the pornographic video world. I originally saw this movie on the Spice Network, so I didn’t get to see any hardcore elements at all. But now that I’m a grown man, and I was able to track down a copy of this thing, I’m watching it with fresh eyes, and it’s hardcore, and fully uncensored. This is a movie that has a larger budget than other options, and it’s definitely a good sign, because everything from the music, to the plot, to the sex is done with an artistic spin. Even though the movie isn’t shot on “film”, it’s really good overall, and has some great attention to detail, with two directors of photography, and an all star cast of 1990s porno men and women. “Dangerous Tides” was written and directed by Brad Armstrong, and it’s an interesting little movie of sex and action. The movie stars Ruby, Yvonne, Eric Price, Steve Drake, Jenna Jameson, Vince Voyeur, Alexandra Silk, Nici Sterling, Wilde Oscar, Angelica Sin, Antonia, Barocca, Melissa Hill, Mickey G., Missy, and Bard Armstrong.

The movie is a simple option up front. The movie is about a swinger’s cruise, and that’s it. It starts with Vince Voyeur checking the underside of the cruise ship and just goes through the check points, and that’s it. The movie then transitions to a couple talking about how they got into swinging, and that’s where the sex begins.

The opening sex scene features Ruby, Yvonne, Eric Price, and pornographic veteran Steve Drake. Drake is looking older for sure, but the women are the classic late 1990s porno ladies. Fake breasts, interesting pubic hair, shaved areas, and in this case redheads. The dialogue is forced, and there’s an attention to the overall details with transitions, and focus on the sex after the fact. When you see it, you’ll notice that the camera angles are a mix bag, and the music sounds like it’s from a 1990s video game like “Mist”. The couple here switch partners, and it’s off to the races, just straight sex, and nothing else. The most compelling thing about this scene for me is not so much the sex, but the transitional music, as it goes from soft new wave jazzy to a rock fusion, and I’m all about rock fusion! Not really, but the transition is interesting to me. This is a fine sex scene, but it’s just mechanical for the most part. There’s a little moaning here and there, but it’s really just a bit slow, and to the point, with nothing too exciting to report. Maybe it’s because they are on a boat, or maybe it’s just that the actors don’t have a lot of chemistry with one another, but it’s just a boring scene for me. It works, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not very sexy, it’s just routine. The money shot isn’t half bad, with Steve Drake finishing on one woman while the other licks it up and then blows him as well. That ending is worthwhile, but overall, it’s not a great scene.

Up next we see a mariachi playing and a bunch of girls dancing. That’s it. It’s kind of out of place if you ask me, but hey, it’s a scene, right? The Mexican guys must’ve loved the gig, and wow, I wish I knew how to play, I’d love to be in this movie with all the women dancing and touching my guitar, and other things. The women get nude, and that’s the transition to the next sex scene.

After the music stops, Jenna Jameson is given a tour of the cockpit and shown how to drive the boat. This leads to a sex with Vince Voyeur and Jenna Jameson. Now, I admit, I’ve seen a lot of scenes with her, and there’s not a lot of guys that have chemistry with her, but Vince is one of them. I’m not sure why, but the two here go through more than just the motions of sex, and it is actually a stunning thing to see. If you’re a fan of Jenna Jameson, then this is one of the scenes that you’ve probably seen pirated on tube sites. It’s Vince Voyeur and Jenna Jameson in the captain’s chair of a boat, and it’s actually quite good. Jenna Jameson puts on a show here, and Vince seems into it for the most part. The music is a casual piano driven jazz tune of the smooth jazz fusion variety. He gets into the action with ease, and the scene really is a hot one for the most part. There’s no condom, Jenna is shaved, and the two go through the motions of sex, and eventually Vince finishes on her chest, and that’s the end.

Next up we see the swingers all drinking and listening to the mariachi band play their songs. That’s about it. Nothing too crazy here, just a serenade of mariachi music, while the actors drink and are dressed up. Moving along the transition, we are taken to another part of the boat, and you know what that means!

Woa, wait a minute! Don't want to read this whole review? You don't have to! You can watch "Dangerous Tides" buy the DVD and more by clicking here!

In the next sex scene we see Alexandra Silk, Nici Sterling, and Wilde Oscar get it on. Oscar reminds me of a teacher I once had, and the two women are veterans of the porno world. I always thought Alexandra Silk was beautiful, and she is a stunning brunette here. However, the chemistry that Wilde has with the women isn’t all there, and it seems like he’s just trying to stay hard for the most part. This threeway lacks a sense of passion, but it works. The music is again jazzy, and somewhat 16-bit if you ask me. But for the most part it’s a standard sex scene with beautiful women, and a dude that is balding, and just lucky to be there for the most part if you ask me. At one point there’s anal, so if you’re into that then you’ll love this, and there’s no condoms here, everyone’s shaved, and it’s not bad, but it’s not great either.

Up next, a few pirates call in to the cruise ship, and state that they are going to save a ship that calls in. The four pirates look hilarious, as they are porno actors. I was laughing at the gun scenes, where they all loaded bullets, and cocked their guns. This is absurd, but hey, it’s a porno, so I guess it’s expected, right? The movie goes into hyper mode to show off speed and urgency, and it’s funny to watch. There’s a fake “Baywatch” soundtrack to this point of the movie, and you’re in about 45 minutes deep before the next sex scene. If you’re watching the whole movie like I am, then you’ll find that this drags on quite a bit.

This part shifts to an all lesbian sequence. There’s clear dildos, terrible disco type music, and all the women on board. This includes Angelica Sin, Antonia, Barocca, Charlie, Jenna Jameson, and Melisa Hill. They are all giving one another oral, using a clear dildo, and that’s about it. It’s a good scene, and there are some legit orgasms here and there, which are evident throughout. But there’s so much action going on, that it’s hard to concentrate on just one act overall, which can make things a bit difficult to manage getting your swerve on, so to speak. It’s a good lesbian sequence, but it’s just a lot going on overall. Plus the music is louder than the actors so it throws me off a little.

Up next, the pirates jump on board the ship and put guns to the crew. They say that they are going to kill the crew if they don’t comply. They say that they are looking for someone on the crew, and that they need to see him now! The captains play dumb, and that’s that. The pirates take the crew downstairs and look to find their man. Meanwhile, they kidnap one of the guys and they knock out Vince. Then they get all the women in a room and mistreat Jenna. The acting is bad, and it’s horrendous. The pirates then ask to know where the drugs are, and then carry out one of the captain’s while they leave the rest of the boat’s passengers in one room. I can’t believe that this plot thickens so much. While the pirates look for drugs, Jenna Jameson hatches a plan, and distracts one of the pirates, by having sex with him!

Up next, the final scene for Jenna Jameson in this movie, she finds Mickey G and they have sex. Jenna once again showcases here talent for acting and sex here. Mickey G, I’ve seen in other movies, and he definitely enjoys this one, as the two go through various different positions on board of the boat. Jenna has some cool underwear here, but of course she takes it off. I caught the camera guy and camera at around 1 hour and 2 minutes into the scene! I kid you not, they didn’t edit this out! Another blooper! In fact, the camera can be seen in multiple shots, the lens being on the left hand corner of the scene, which is ultimately distracting. But back to the sex, the two have some serious chemistry here, and it’s not half bad. It’s not a long scene, mind you. The two have sex in a couple of positions, but Mickey G. cannot hold on too long and eventually cums on Jenna’s stomach and pubic area. That’s it. This is a fast scene compared to the others, but Jenna steals the show again, and looks as though she’s really into it, while Mickey G. seems to be enjoying it a lot more than the average actor, which is fine by me. This is a hard scene, and good overall sex, as the two really go at it together. The music sucks, but hey, you can’t win em all. After the sex, Jenna gets the pirate’s gun and then throws him overboard! Then she goes to try and save the rest of the crew.

Meanwhile, one of the pirates finds drugs, and is happy, while Jenna saves everyone. But is stopped only by one of the pirates who wants to have sex with Melissa Hill. So now Brad Armstrong and Melissa Hill have sex. I’m a fan of Melissa Hill, I love her face, hair, and eyes. This scene isn’t half bad, it’s in the basement of the ship, and not half bad. While Hill blows Brad Armstrong, Missy looks on, and eventually wants to join in. She’s one of the pirates, and so she eventually jumps into the scene, and the two women really go to town on Armstrong. He gets a dual blow job, which is quite nice, and the scene progresses. Brad Armstrong gets some serious service here, and kudos to him, because he holds his erection for quite some time while the women work him over. Eventually the trio have sex, and Armstrong throws down a lot of pipe here, doing both women while maintaining his boots on. He eventually does anal on missy, and then cums overall, making this a good ending scene before the rest of the plot finishes off. He eventually cums on Missy’s back, and that’s the end of the show. This is a good sex scene, and it’s better than most of the other parts of the movie. I still love Melissa Hill’s eyes and overall performance here. The music is once again like a video game, with instrumentals that sound like they are part of “Donkey Kong Country”.

The movie transitions, and Jenna talks to the captain, and talks about saving the day. She does with a gun, and that’s it. The movie rolls to credits, and shows all the people that worked on it with a movie type credit ending and interesting font choice. This is the end, and well, it’s not much of an ending if you ask me.

I give “Dangerous Tides” a 3 out of 5.

This is a big budget movie, it’s not half bad, but it’s not an amazing one either. Jenna Jameson’s scenes steal the show, and Melissa Hill does it for me personally. But other than those trio of scenes, it’s not that great overall. It’s simply not a great movie.

You can watch “Dangerous Tides” via DVD, VHS, and even streaming if you buy it by clicking here. I recommend checking it out for the three top scenes.