Cherry Pie (1994) Review

When I was a teenager I walked under a bridge in Santa Monica, California and found the remnants of a video box. That box was for the cover of today’s movie review, Cherry Pie. This is a famous movie for being an early Jenna Jameson release, and the introduction of Kylie Ireland. It’s the type of movie that collectors want to get their hands on, and people like me want to see uncensored. “Cherry Pie” stars Kim Chambers, Jonathan Morgan, Kylie Ireland, Gerry Pike, Eva Flowers, Jenna Jameson, and Nick East. 

The credits roll easily on this movie and we see the names in red. Nothing too fancy here, your standard starting point, and we are led directly into the story. This features a tale like that of Archie Comics. I kid you not, it features Betty, Veronica, and Archie as the main characters. We see Jonathan Morgan with Eva Flowers and Jenna Jameson talking. They are discussing the good old days, and Morgan jumps into a sex story. 

Scene 1. Kim Chambers, Jonathan Morgan

Kim Chambers comes through with a bustline that gets Morgan all at attention. Chambers is a busty blonde with high heels that she keeps on throughout the course of the sex here. Chambers starts with oral on Morgan and you can tell he’s a pro, but he’s not exactly well endowed. He’s adequate here, and shaved, which is something you’ll start to see in the 1990s more often. Chambers and Morgan have sex on a couch, and while it is hardcore, you don’t really get that savage sex that you expect. The two have an adequate romp of sex, before getting a money shot. You don’t get to see a lot of Kim Chambers’ breasts, but she is wearing high heels, so there’s that for ya. Her hair is straight out of the 1980s and by this time Chambers has been around a long time, so of course you expect professionalism, and it shows. 

Plot point: Archie talks with Jughead and Reggie, and they talk about the good old days of college and how the women were. This leads to sex of course, in a non-story point. 

Scene 2. Kylie Ireland, Gerry Pike

Fans of Kylie Ireland will want to see her first major introduction into porn, and that’s what you get here. Kylie Ireland is a busty woman with brown hair here, and she gets ridden quite a bit by Gerry Pike. He is well endowed and the two are shot in a red light. The scene isn’t too much to write home about, and it works well enough. Pike does good with Ireland, and the two enjoy some freedom here, although with multiple positions, and a piano soundtrack, this is not a great scene. Ireland makes it watchable though, she’s always a blast to see. 

Scene 3. Eva Flowers, Jenna Jameson

Forget the plot at this point, we don’t get much of it, as the trio of guys talks again. But that moves into Jameson and Flowers, Bettie and Veronica of this movie. The two are completely naked and start going at it together. This is a simple scene with a toy being involved, and the two working with that. If you’re a fan of lesbian sex, this will do the trick, but it’s really just clumsy. This is an adequate scene, but far from what you’d expect. 

Scene 4. Kim Chambers, Nick East

Fast forward through another plot point where the trio are just talking, and you get to see Jughead get in on some action. This time around it’s Kim Chambers again, and she gives a somewhat enthusiastic blow job before she gets on top of East and goes to work. The two have sex on a flowery looking couch, this time with full breasts showing and a good old fashioned momentum stealing sequence. The jazzy music make this interesting, and Chambers is a pro with East providing the pushing for the most part. It’s not a terrible scene, but unless you’re a big fan of Chambers, you’ll probably want to skip this one. 

Plot point: some jazzy music leads us to a discussion with Jonathan Morgan talking to Jameson and Flowers about eating a chocolate cake. I kid you not. It’s here that Bettie and Veronica want to team up with one another to show Archie what he’s missing, and that’s when the trio go to the bedroom for some fun. 

Scene 5. Eva Flowers, Jenna Jameson, Jonathan Morgan

The main event in this movie is a threesome with Jonathan Morgan, Jenna Jameson and Eva Flowers. You get Bettie and Veronica here and of course Archie. Morgan isn’t huge, but you get an early scene with Jenna doing a lot of the heavy lifting here, including blowing Morgan and riding him all the same. This is not a long scene, and the jazzy music make it kind of interesting. It’s adequate at best, and you will get off if you try hard, but the scene is somewhat limited with camera work that leaves a lot to be desired, and well, a lackluster throw of sex. It’s a threesome, but not one that you’re going to remember, unless you’re a collector and want that early Jenna Jameson scene. 

Overall “Cherry Pie” is not a great movie at all. The plot is not there, despite the interesting cover, and well, who watches for the plot anyways? Besides me and this blog. 

I give “Cherry Pie” a 1 out of 5. 

Guilty As Sin (1996) Review

Guilty as Sin (1996)

It took me a long time to get back into the swing of things. I have been working a lot, and have been pursuing a doctorate degree, and just found myself focusing on reading, writing, and other areas of interest. Today, we are going to be looking at a movie from 1996. This movie came out in 1996, and it is 93 minutes long. It was directed by Jim Enright, and distributed by Klimaxxx Productions. This movie features some great actors, so I am intrigued by the initial line up. This movie is called, “Guilty as Sin”, and it stars Missy, Mickey G, TT Boy, Nadia Moore, Precious Silver, Peter North, Alex Dane, Alex Dane, Celine Devoux, Blake Mitchell, and Jonathan Morgan. At the time of this movie’s filming around January of 1996, I was only 13 years old, so I did not see it until recently. Some of my personal favorite adult stars are in this movie, and they include TT Boy, Peter North, and Jonathan Morgan. Steve Drake, that rascal is here too, and of course a line up of women that came and went, and didn’t make a big splash like some other featured women on this site. But that’s the world of adult movies, hit and miss, and hope.

You ever wonder who the custodian of records is for these movies? The opening of this movie has a slow starting point, where you hear nothing, see nothing, but get that warning that the custodian of records has all the files on all of the performers, because they are all of age, etc.

The movie starts with three women talking. A secretary comes into an office and is talking about a new client. The new client is a blonde haired woman, and she said that she heard the attorney is the best and she needs the best. She’s in the worst running suit, and it’s hilarious. The office looks like your average set, grey carpeting, a book shelf, some books, a random credential, and a piece of Thomas Kincade art in the background. A desk, and brown bookshelf, and the lighting of course is coming from two angles, so the shadows are showcasing where the lighting rigs are. I’m trying to see if there’s a boom mic in the shot, but the editor did a good job of framing this enough to not see it, but I know it’s up there, and if you’re careful, you can catch the sound bouncing through it.

The blonde tells the attorney that she needs her, and the attorney said she doesn’t need anyone if she hasn’t been arrested or taken in for questioning yet. The blonde tries to convince the lawyer, but the attorney is not having it, until the blonde tells her a little more about her story, and that she has an alibi that has stopped her from killing her man. She says she has her own money, so there’s no way she could’ve killed her husband. When she starts that, the attorney sits down and starts to listen to a story, where we get a hard cut, and into the first scene of adult material.

We cut to a backyard swimming pool. There is a single camera shot looking in on Mickey G floating on a pool bed, and Missy comes through. She walks in with a bikini, but the frame of the shot is so uneven, you can barely see her get into the frame. The director has this shot framed horribly, and the sunlight is so bright, the backyard is washed out, the colors not grand. Missy is a thin, dirty blonde, and has that California tan. Missy gets down to the pool and starts to blow Mickey G immediately, without any interlude, and a hard camera cut, straight to the close up of her blowing him directly. I’m not a fan of the framing of this scene at all. The centering is all off, and the weight is positioned in an odd manner. Mickey G. begins giving Missy oral after she blows him for a while, and the two have basic chemistry, but nothing too grand. Missy’s make up is on point, non-reflective, and her blonde hair has roots that come through as the camera focuses in and out of the closeups. Mickey G. is unkempt and is playing a macho role here. Missy has long legs, that California, blonde, slightly tan but not really too pasty skin tone. The two get out of the pool and use the flotation device to go into more positions. Fans of Missy will find this performance to be adequate, as Mickey G goes through the motions of each position, his arm behind his back because the camera is right on the two as they try to have sex. This scene is quick, and ends with a cum shot on Missy’s face, as she moans. This is not a grand scene, but it’s straight sex, no condoms, and for the outdoors, safe in terms of fantasy land.

We go back to the attorney’s office where Missy talks about what is going on with the case. They talk about how an open marriage, and that they allowed one another to love others as well. Just then, Jonathan Morgan storms in and gives Missy a warrant for arrest. Then the attorney finally says she’ll be her client. Dana, is her name, and the acting here is horrible, with the exception of Jonathan Morgan. Morgan says that the woman shot her husband with a shotgun, and she’s guilty.

We move forward to an office building where Steve Drake and our attorney start to talk. They talk about what things are had by the client. The acting here isn’t too bad, not great, but the dialogue works well. The office here is an obvious set, with bad lighting, but Drake does well here as an evil attorney.

Another hard cut and we are nearly 20 minutes into the porno, and the plot thickens. We see a press release, then we get two women sitting in bed and talking more plot. Missy’s accused of murder, Steve Drake is the evil lawyer, and things keep moving forward, with lots of dialogue. That alone elevates this movie past minor porno status, and instead gives it a full 2 stars extra just for the plot, dialogue, and storyline.

Soft cut here, and we get Missy talking to her lawyer again. The two discuss the pieces of the case. This time we are in Missy’s house, but she’s wearing the same wardrobe as before. During this scene, Missy and her attorney discusses the relationship that Missy has with Charlie. Charlie is played by Peter North, mind you. It’s here that we transition to the next sex scene, and the director throws us into the mess.

We go back outside, and Missy is sitting on a park bench while TT Boy is over her, getting blown. The music starts, and it’s saxophone heavy, with TT Boy showcasing his prowess, and Missy putting on a show for Peter North, who plays the voyeur, or the cuck, depending on how you view this type of thing. Missy and TT Boy have a lot more chemistry than Mickey G did with her, and it shows. Missy rides him in various positions, and he gets really into it towards the end, giving Miss a great deal for the somewhat short scene all things considered. Meanwhile, Peter North sits and watches, and eventually TT Boy cums on Missy’s face, and positions her a bit further from him to get the first launch, which is fine, but not grand. It’s an ok scene, better than the first, that’s for certain.

The lawyer asks Missy if Charlie (Peter North) ever had other women, and that’s when the screen fades, and we see three women enter a room, and present themselves to North. Meanwhile, Missy watches from the corner of a badly decorated set. The show here starts immediately with terrible elevator rock music, that sounds all synth heavy. Nadia Moore, and Precious Silver are the actresses, and they are both skinny, model types, with enhanced breasts, and pretty faces. Both have darker hair, and are a contrast to missy’s blonde hair. The camera goes back and forth between solo action with Missy, to Peter North immediately getting blown and moaning. The set design here sucks, alongside with the lighting, which casts bad shadows all over the scene from overhead lighting. But as far as the sex is concerned, it’s not half bad, although North seems to be in work mode, while the women just go through the motions. You can tell the lighting is coming from the fourth wall, as the shadows give away the set details. As for titillation, the women put on a clinic of how to give ladies oral, meanwhile, North does his best to keep it up. The sex is as sterile as a brothel visit. This is not North’s best work, and Nadia and Precious seem to just be willing participants in a scene where they are more interested in each other, including one woman with a hood piercing. The music is horrible though, the set has green walls, and the camera is all over the place, so good luck with this one. Oh, and how can I forget, there’s a Peter North facial onto a tongue ring, and well, he doesn’t exactly drop a big load here, so if you’re looking for the best of North, this is not the scene for you.

We get back to the house that the attorney was in with Missy. The two start to discuss how many partners one another had. The two women continue to converse, and we get a scene where the attorney is driving. I kid you not, this is a legit movie, although B-level or C-level, but there’s structure here that you do not get with a lot of movies.

The lawyer shows up to her home and walks in, only to find Jonathan Morgan to be in her bed. The two argue about why she took the case. Morgan is a detective, mind you, and the two keep talking about the case, and how one thinks the client is guilty. Morgan gets thrown out of her house, in the worst acting job in the movie thus far.

A soft fade and we go to a court room scene. This is actually done well, and there’s even some non-sex actors in this! I love those! I was in one once. Anyways, this turns into a court room drama, and we get into the best dialogue, and attempts to act. If you are one to watch full movies, rather than just fast forward to sex, you’ll be delighted by the acting job done here. Except for the fact that the attorney here is just reading aloud, not from memory. The judge as well isn’t really taking it seriously, and why would he? It’s a porno, right? A witness is called to the stand, and it’s Alex Dane.

A hard cut takes us into the bedroom of Alex Dane and Peter North. Dane is a skinny, small breasted, brunette, and she immediately begins with a blow job on Peter North. The music here is horrendous, and the set design is actually straight of the 1980s. The flowery brown couch, the hardwood flooring, white piano, and terrible contrast of color and design makes me laugh. Dane and North have a bit of chemistry, especially Dane who really seems to get into the act of giving North a good scene. The two have sex on a brown couch with flowery patterns, and a reddish background, a thrift store find if you ask me. The sex goes through several instances, and positions, with North maintain speed, and precision eventually going through anal. It’s apparent that Dane isn’t that into it, but the scene calls for it, so it goes forward. The music is synth heavy, and it’s fake horns here, and it’s horrible. It’s louder than the sex sounds, which have Dane moaning and North just breathing heavily. After some time, North finishes on Dane’s chest, and that’s that. This is bland. Very little chemistry, and just run of the mill in terms of lighting, and camera work. It’s lazy if you ask me.

Missy shows up and sees the two after they’ve had sex, and she’s upset.

The movie goes forward with the court case, and Drake keeps pushing the witness, and we get moving forward into Drake’s office. Here we see a blonde in a red dress talking to our prosecutor. The two start kissing, and soft music starts. Celine Devoux is the actress here, and she looks like Topanga from “Boy Meets World”, with her hair done like her, thick thighs, and skin tone that draws you in. The set here again is bland, but it’s done up to look like a cheap lawyer’s office or a motel, for that matter. The lighting sucks again, and I’m wondering who green lit this thing, but it’s a porno, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Devoux and Drake begin with foreplay, and Drake giving some breast play to start. Devoux’s chest is natural, from what I can tell, but then again, this is 1996, maybe they aren’t? I don’t know, I should know. She has cake makeup, is trimmed, and the camera goes right into the tongue and labia, so if you’re a fan of oral, or want to learn, Drake seems to put on a clinic with the foreplay and oral. Drake uses his fingers, mouth, and more to get the first initial climax, and the camera moves lower to show you different angles, and I take back my comment about Devoux’s chest not being enhanced. The sex starts, and it’s casual, nothing crazy, reverse cowgirl, couch sex, Devoux moaning, and for the most part, it’s just run of the mill. I can’t really say it’s terrible, but it’s apparent that Drake and Devoux do not match chemistry, but rather are doing the job. Devoux is a blonde haired stripper type, and if that’s your thing, enjoy. Otherwise, you’re going to get distracted by the lack of chemistry, if that’s what you’e looking for. At the 72 minute mark, there’s anal, and that’s where the scene takes a tonal shift, with the two actually seeming to love what they do, so kudos on that. A cum shot on the chest of Devoux, and that’s the end of the scene.

Drake gets a phone call, and it’s Jonathan Morgan saying that there’s another murder. This time it’s a young man, and it’s another shotgun killing.

The movie then moves forward, and we get to see what really is happening. The attorney talks to Missy, and we then go to a room where Missy is talking to someone on the phone, yelling. The phone is tapped, and we are seeing the end of this story unfold. Missy is in on an extortion plot, she throws the phone down and pulls out a gun, and grabs a leather jacket, this thing is turning into a revenge thriller!

The plot finally thickens, and I’m all in here. A detective is on her tail, and we get some thriller type music, as she pulls up to a house, under the cover of night, to see Peter North come out in a suit, and he’s not dead afterall! North says that the two can run away together. The attorney shows up, talks her out of it, and right before she shoots North, a detective shows up and that’s the end. The whole story wraps up with a detective and our attorney.

Up to this point I didn’t want to name the attorney, because I’m lazy. It’s Blake Mitchell, a short haired redhead, with large breasts. Jonathan Morgan and her begin to kiss on the set of her apartment, and begin with breast play. The oral sex on this scene is good, and Morgan sure has some initial skills with Mitchell, which I definitely appreciated, considering this movie seems to lack in the sex department at times. The camera hides behind a plant at one point, which is hilarious to me. This apartment is designed like the worst Ikea in the world, mind you. The sex begins with a condom on, mind you, the first condom I’ve seen in this whole movie. We start with doggy style, and it’s ok at best. Mitchell moans, and Morgan concentrates, but you can tell that it’s just pure concentration, and nothing more. We switch to another position, Morgan on top and going forward as fast as he can, and then leading to an end of a cum shot on Mitchell’s triple D breasts, which the camera makes look enormous with the angle they choose.

The camera fades, and we get the end, that’s it. The end sequence, and a finish line for the movie.

“Guilty As Sin” was not my favorite movie in terms of sex. But as far as a full movie, with a script, with lots of dialogue, editing, sequencing, and full plot, this is a stellar example of what can be done with a minor budget, for a sex movie. It’s a movie I could see in theaters, and enjoy enough not to finish myself off within the first scene. That’s a special kind of porno movie, isn’t it? Well, it’s something alright.

I give “Guilty As Sin” a 3 out of 5.

You can buy, stream, and download “Guilty As Sin” from 1996, and see extras, and maybe even give it a better rating by clicking here!

John Leslie's Night Shift Nurses (1987) Review

John Leslie's Nightshift Nurses

Today, we go back to a topic that is near and dear to my heart. We talk about porno and nurses, and the original elements that made me raise an eyebrow when I was going through puberty. There’s something about nurses and sex, even to this day, and while the uniforms are all different now, I still think fondly of them for various reasons. Today we are going back to 1987, for a movie about some hard working medical staff, and the men they help. This movie is called “Night Shift Nurses” and it’s from 1987. The movie stars Dana Dylan, Lynn Franciss, Joey Silvera, D.J. Cone, Steve Henessey, Keisha, Jose Duval, John Leslie, Siobhan Hunter, Peter North, Bionca, and Lois Ayres. Some of these names you know, and some of them will be new, as they weren’t that famous, but hey, it’s 1987, and the VHS revolution was just gaining steam in the adult video world, so you probably didn’t buy this one, you rented it. Directed by John Leslie, “Night Shift Nurses” is another one of those nurse movies your dad probably hid on betamax.

The beginning of this movie is not pornographic. It shows a janitor mopping a floor, very much like you would expect from a horror movie. The camera is low, and you see a man mopping, and that’s it. There’s nothing sensual, nothing extreme, just a man mopping the floor, and just doing his job. There’s film grain here. There’s a nod to cinematography initially, but the lack of cuts and stationary camera, reminds you that this is not Hollywood, outright. I do appreciate the lighting, shadows, and set design, as this is certainly a hallway set, not just a random warehouse, without ceilings.

The opening sequence takes a turn. The janitor looks into a crack in a door way, and sees a doctor and two nurses. They are Dana Dylan, and Lynn Franciss, and the doctor is none other than Joey Silvera. There’s nothing shaved here, Silvera has full pubic hair, and he’s rock hard to start, but he’s not a big guy, as I may have stated before. We have a contrast in women, both slim, medium sized breasts, equally as pretty, one brunette and one blonde, and they kiss, suck, and make sure that Silvera stays in the moment. Meanwhile, the janitor starts to get hard, and puts his hands down his pants, as the camera juxtaposes manual stimulation, with Silvera and the nurses getting into a threesome behind closed doors. The sex starts with Silvera getting sucked off by one nurse, while he kisses another, and that’s enough gusto to get this movie rolling into what it is, a porno. Silvera here is golden, the women do their roles well, and the sex is swift, the editing is fast, and you really end up seeing both the sex, and the solo act all in the same scene, with a mix between the two. The brunette in this one is great, she rides silvera and seems like a natural against the blonde, but both definitely do work with Silvera. Meanwhile, Steve Henessey is outside the doorway masturbating. The trio have sex in a small room, with blue walls, and odd lighting, and yet it has a sexy quality to it that you cannot deny. There is anal around the 3 minute mark, mind you, so if you’re a fan of anal, there’s a few sequences of that.

Meanwhile the janitor is watching, and a nurse comes up on him to look at what he’s doing. The camera shows a very blonde, tall woman, and she just watches the janitor, and he of course looks into the room. While in doggy, the brunette and the janitor lock eyes, and the two have a moment while Silvera continues to anal. Silvera cums on the brunette’s lower back, and the janitor cums while the nurse keeps watching, and that knocks out two scenes in one edit.

The cool thing for me about this movie is that it’s dubbed in Spanish! Score me! I love when porno comes to me dubbed. The blonde from the hallway talks to an admin and he talks about how his staff needs to be up to snuff. The nurses are all busty, have big 1980s hair. The set here looks like a legit hospital, with admin files, overhead lighting, and shadows that you’d expect, but of course, it’s a set. The head nurse said that there is going to be an inspection later today, and that no one is going to lose their job. There’s a good overall plot point here, and that’s something that you’ll definitely note as something interesting. The movie goes to another room, and it’s the janitor cleaning, meanwhile Joey Silvera shows up to talk to him. Silvera says he just operated on a woman and that she had the biggest prostate ever, and the janitor tells him that only men have that. Silvera then talks about how he’s a detective, and that he is watching for changes, and more. Silvera is so natural here, with his bushy hair and mustache, he just exudes porn acting.

After the meeting in the random room, two nurses talk in the main lobby. They talk about how new uniforms were ordered, and they were on the way. Meanwhile, we end up going back to see the janitor cleaning, and inside a closet, when the head doctor comes in and puts on a lab coat. A woman comes into the doctor’s office, and says she has a headache that won’t go away. This is the 12 minute mark mind you, and the doctor looks at a file. The woman here is mature, made up like the late 1980s sitcom women would be, and has large red hair. The doctor makes some jokes, and tries to see what’s going on with the lady. She’s not having it, though, and she seems annoyed by the doctor’s lax methods. The doctor gets a phone call and says he has to go, but will be right back. The janitor comes out of the closet, and the woman grabs him, and pulls his pants down.

For this scene we see D.J. Cone, a redhead that looks a lot like your standard 1980s sitcom mom, and Steve Henessey, she blows Henessey a little, then seems frustrated when the doctor comes back yelling. The doctor comes in and recommends that we look into getting her temperature rectally, and we see him put a thermometer in her butt. The doctor gets a phone call again and says he will be right back. This time, D.J. Cone is nude, and as the janitor comes out of the closet again, he encounters Cone naked, and once again she pulls his pants down and wants to get action. The funky music starts and Cone gets really horny here, as Henessey just gets blown.

The scene cuts and we go to the lobby, and the doctor is yelling and muttering random bs, before we go back to the sex scene. I don’t know why there are edits of this type, but

Cone has full red pubic hair, and Henessey is big, as he goes in deep on the doctor’s table. The shadows here indicate studio lights from where the camera is facing, into the action. You can tell that this is not a real hospital, but a poorly dressed set. After some pumps, the janitor cums and Cone wipes herself up and then puts the thermometer back in her anus, and that’s it. The doctor returns and he starts to talk about what they can do to help her. She gets dressed, smiles, and we move along to the next scenario.

For the next scene we are back in the locker room. We see 4 nurses, all with big 1980s hair, and Joey Silvera sitting on a blue couch. The women are just talking randomly, and saying that they are not going to go anywhere until the inspectors have come through and gone through their work.

Moving forward, we see the blonde head nurse, and a young woman asking for a young man regarding seeing a young man, named Johnson. She claims that she’s his sister, and that she is a nurse. Harry Johnson, is of course the joke here, and the lady wants to do a good deed. She said she’d wait for up to 5 hours for Harry Johnson to get out of surgery.

The scene changes and we see three nurses laughing and giggling in a hallway. They said that they should give a bath to a random guy, and that he’s a fun dude to hang with. The women come through, and we get into a room where you know it’s a set. There’s a makeshift door, a blue wall with a 2 x 4 cross beam in the background. This is a set, you can tell by the way the shots are setup, and the women come in from an outer hallway. The shadows are cast as though there are studio lights overhead and off screen, while a hard camera and director situate themselves away from the action. Immediately, one of the women takes off her white panties, and we start to move forward to what will be the next sex scene. The women approach Peter North, as he is sleeping, and they all talk about what they should do first. One of them suggests that they use their tongue to wake him up. Bionca, Lynn Franciss, and Sheena Horne are the 3 women here, and they each have small breasts, thin frames, and large 1980s hairspray hair. They are straight out of the 1980s with their style, and all are wearing the white nurses uniforms that all nurses wore back in the proverbial day. There are two blondes and two brunettes getting in on the action, and immediately get Peter North hard. The women leave North asleep, and start to make out, and then do themselves while he is asleep. North has an odd penis here, where it flops up towards him, like he was using a penis pump, and it’s not all the way hard, until he starts to rub it and bring it up straight. There’s a terrible rock soundtrack, and the camera moves in front of him stroking, classic North style. The women get naked at this point. Through the shifting of the women’s positions, we get a threesome that is somewhat slow and steady, with North not wearing a condom, and the women taking turns riding him as he wakes up from his coma. The end comes with a Peter North cum blast on two women, and that’s about it. They dubbed the moaning! That’s when I notice they dubbed the freakin moaning! This scene was fast and simple.

Joey Silvera looks like Kurt Vonnegut by the way!

After the fourway sex scene we see Joey Silvera coming through and talking about how his head hurts. He talks about how he is having a hard time dealing with certain things. He then tells the head nurse that he’s on a mission and can’t seem to find the answers. Then goes to the Johnson sister and she talks to him a little.

We then move to the locker room, or break room, so to speak. It’s where the lockers are, and we see Keisha, a busty brunette with too much makeup, and Jose Duval. Duval is a thin, older looking dude, and he immediately jumps into the scene and takes over saying he is the man that wrestles himself, nude, and starts to take his clothing off in front of Keisha. Keisha is wearing a nurses uniform, is somewhat tall, has natural breasts, and without makeup, wouldn’t look so great. The dude is older, Duval is wearing a black thong, and he starts to wrestle himself. Duval is the luckiest man in porno, because this is too funny to me. He tries to wrestle himself, before Keisha starts to rub herself. This is a low point in the movie, as you see that he wrestles himself, and he says that sometimes he loses himself. Keisha asks him if he has ever wrestled a man, and Duval said that he has never wrestled them, but he would totally wrestle her. Keisha starts to suck the old man off, and he has a hard time taking the bra off of his woman, but she continues to suck Duval in a slow, methodical manner. The old man and the woman do it doggy style, and it’s a lackluster scene with a cum shot that is not that great. Duval does not have a big penis, or anything, and the cum blast is short, before the end shows Keisha sucking him off, and then tells hi m that he is very attractive, and then we move forward. That was beyond the lowest of the low in terms of sex. Duval is hairy, skinny, and while Keisha is good here, she’s not great, and just goes through the motions.

We move along and we see a woman praying with Peter North. There’s a prayer that occurs here, with Siobhan Hunter, a tall, red haired woman that claims she is a nun in an order of certain women. She prays a little with Peter North then begins to suck him off, fully clothed, mind you, until John Leslie walks in on them. The terrible music comes in, and Leslie starts to take off her shirt. We see more of Hunter’s body, and she has long red hair, small breasts, and light skin. The music throws me off, as I try to make sense of the room, which is terribly lit this time, with a two camera model that is just bad as the editing moves through several hard cuts. During this sequences, Leslie goes from behind while Peter North gets blown while John Leslie forces Hunter to bite a condom package open, then the camera slows down for her to start having sex with North, without the condom, mind you. We then see the action, and it’s Leslie with a condom going in anal, while North goes in the other side. You get double penetration here, and the condom is so yellow, and so dark, while the sex continues, and the two men have their way with this woman. The finish shows Leslie taking off his condom, then cumming on her backside while holding the condom in the other hand, while the soft keyboard music plays, and then Leslie walks away. While Leslie goes to another bed, North is finished off, but we don’t see a a cum shot, just a hard cut as he says that the nurses are too much.

There’s a hard cut, and we see the head nurse talking to Joey Silvera as he comes through and says that she has stolen all of their uniforms. So we see the head nurse yelling at Silvera, and saying that the nun stole clothing and what not. We then see Silvera in a bath robe run away, and then ask for Linda to come through and help him. out. The movie shows Silvera talking to a nurse and just talking about adoration, and how he wants her to work with him.

We get a long shot, then into the sex, as Joey Silvera and Bionca have sex on the floor of the hospital. Continuity wise this makes little sense, and why would they have sex on the hard floor in a hospital? For goodness sakes, this has only a couple of positions, and back and forth, with Silvera trying to hang on for a short romp. Silvera is rock hard, and goes into Bionca straight way, with her legs up, and him pushing in with bad kissing. Silvera tries to kiss Bionca at the one hour mark, and it shows that she isn’t into kissing, and it throws me off a little. There is a cum shot, and a random teddy bear, yes a teddy bear in a mop bucket watching them.

After that, we end up going forward to the waiting room, where the nurses are talking to the nun. She said that she is not the inspector, and is just a nun and is waiting for her brother. She says that the women are prostitutes, and that they are nothing short of being sluts. That’s it. We then see Silvera and Bionca cuddling and that’s about it.

The last scene shows the janitor and Lois Ayres. Ayres comes into his work area and just says that he needs to be quiet and do her now. Lois Ayres is the head nurse, she’s very blonde. Ayres and Steve Henessey starts to kiss, and we get a terrible view from above. They are supposed to be in a janitor’s closet, but the makeshift walls are obviously fake, and the scene moves fast into a blow job. Lois Ayres bleach blonde hair and white pale skin allows for contrast with Steve’s dark skin. She blows him and the music intensifies, before they start to get into the sex, which isn’t too good, but hey there’s no condom here. The sex is a quicky at best, and it is heavily edited, so you only get a few pumps before Henessey cums and that’s it. It’s at this point that I think Lois Ayres is wearing a wig. The two have sex, it’s quick, and he cums and it’s not romantic at all, but then again, it doesn’t need to be. The camera barely hits penetration, and the dubbing is just so bad here, that I don’t want to see it. It slows down at the cum shot, but you don’t see it, it just slows down, and we get a hard cut.

The camera zooms in and the music starts to get louder, and we get a hard cut back to the lobby and we realize that it’s Henry Johnson not Harry Johnson, but it doesn’t matter. Silvera comes back and says he found the uniforms and then we see everyone laughing. She comes through and says that the inspection is being done by Edwin Justice, and then Duval comes through and said he’s the man that wrestles himself, and that’s it. He gets carted away, the women and the guys look at one another, and says that they all passed the inspection.

I give “Night Shift Nurses” a 2 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worse nurse themed porno movie that I’ve ever seen, and at the same time, I’m attracted to nurse movies, because I love the uniforms. It’s not a terrible movie, but it’s far from good, a 2 out of 5, as it had a good plot, but other than that, I’ll pass on a repeat viewing. But hey, why not check out "Night Shift Nurses" anyway?

Sperma-Lust (1991) Review

Caroyl Lynn's "Sperma-Lust" from 1991

For this review we are going to 1991. Back to when the cover made you want to rent a movie, and see something sexy. That being said, this movie takes us to a foreign land, to see Carol Lynn, Dirk Braeter, Eric Benson, Corinne Helner, Dietmar Z, Marine Cartier, and Gabriel Pontello in the classic, “Sperma-Lust”. I don’t know anything about this movie, other than it’s a foreign movie, and it has film grain, and looks like a real movie, not just a gonzo flick. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be any good, etc. It’s in a foreign language as well, so I can’t really speak to what they are saying. This movie was directed by Harr S. Morgan, and was distributed by Videorama. It was part of the Carol Lynn Pictures company, and was released in 1991.

We move forward to a scene where Carol Lynn is playing chess with an old man. She is getting thrown out of a home, and then the old man is helping her. We move in and out of different scenes that is in her imagination, and it involves sexual fantasies, and a random dude talking over cum shots, and random moments that are to come. This is an odd introduction of sorts, but the music isn’t half bad. Carol Lynn looks like a sister of Traci Lords, blonde hair, innocent looking face, and natural breasts. She has that European look, slightly open mouth, nice bright eyes, and an innocent look to her that makes this an interesting movie.

As Carol Lynn walks through her home, a random short dude shows up. He looks like Mtv’s Beavis, and brings her a phone. On the phone it’s a dude speaking German, I think. I can’t tell the language, sorry. But she listens to the phone, and then gets instructions, while the due just waits on her. I’m assuming it’s a butler. Carol Lynn sits down, and Dirk Braeter gets to his knees, and we get some soft piano music to start the sex. Carol Lynn is not shaved, and she starts getting oral from Dirk. Dirk has full pubic hair too, and he seems to please Lynn with relative ease. There’s a techno beat that starts, and the two engage in the most robotic of sex, with barely a moan from Lynn, and Dirk looking like he’s just lucky to get some, which makes this first sex scene a bit problematic on several levels. At this point, I start to realize that the set is not bad, the lighting is good, and the film grain makes this movie look more important than it really is. However, I found the sex itself, the pure sex to be boring. I get it, a millionaire is on the phone and wants to listen to the sounds of sex, but it’s mechanical and boring to say the last. There are multiple positions, and the background tapestry is cool, but Lynn’s subtle moaning, and final cum shot on her chest was just not worth price of admission. I got bored, and well, that’s not a good thing for a movie, but I must admit the set design is killer, so there’s that.

We move to another part of the mansion. I can only assume we are in a mansion, because Carol Lynn goes outside for a swim, and it’s still on the property. Lynn swims up towards Eric Benson and a blonde having sex on a diving board. The woman is only credited as “Girl”, but she’s a skinny blonde with medium size breasts, while Carol Lynn comes through with a black one piece swimsuit. Benson gets blown until Lynn comes in and starts to go with the lady and blow him, getting a duel blow job, and the techno music begins again. The scene is outdoors, has an orange tint, and is a little more enthusiastic compared to the previous scene. The girl is not fully lesbian, and it shows, with Carol Lynn forcing some of the movements here and there. Benson goes from position to position easily, he’s fully shaved, and anal looks good, but the women try to make it a little smoother, and it’s just not good. Lynn keeping her bathing suit on is still fascintaing, but the sex is just between Benson and the girl with no credit. After the cum shot, Lynn swims away, and that’s it. The camera shows Lynn going away and going back into her house.

Inside the mansion, Lynn goes and moves a chess piece, and then just looks at a list, and that’s it. It’s fascinating to see how pretty she is in a one piece swimsuit, in a porno that is meant to be far more sexy.

She goes out of a door and there’s a woman there with bondage gear. She hands it over to Lynn and she starts to get dressed. The two women go down to a garden area, and that’s where a woman in red fishnets is getting plowed by a random dude, while two other guys are masturbating. The performers here include, Christina Stevens, Carol Lynn, Corinne Hefner, Dietmar Z., Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson. There’s some techno coming through, and then we see the guys take turns with the woman, going in and out. Only one woman has sex here, and after the guys cum, it turns into a lesbian scene.

After the orgy, out Christian Stevens, a tall blonde, and Carol Lynn start to make out and have sex. The two start to kiss one another, then go into oral, and more. It’s a lesbian sex scene that seems to be more prominent than the other solutions overall. It’s a short scene, and does’nt get too hardcore before Lynn decides to leave.

Going forward, we see two women talking, and after some chess games, in comes in Dirk Braeter again, and this time he gets hard with Christina Stevens. Christina Stevens wears a tight black leather dress, and has big hair, and she pulls it up and lets Dirk get in from the rear. She moans a bit more than Lynn, and the two get started in doggystyle, while standing. The setting here is a real kitchen, with obvious German elements, including glasses, pots and pans, and more. The two go through three different positions, and eventually Dirk cums on Stevens’ pubic hair, and that’s it.

After the kitchen sex, we see Marine Cartier walks into a hallway, and there are two naked guys waiting for her. She’s fully shaved, and she gets on a small tuffet and starts to suck off Dirk Braeter and Eric Benson. She’s passionate here, the music shifts, and it’s not bad. Cartier has black hair, is thin, fully shaved, and has a unique look. Meanwhile, Christina Stevens watches on, and gets heated. The sex is fine, there’s anal, and there’s oral, and out comes Stevens to help too, but before it ended, we get cut to see Stevens talking to Lynn, and then back to the sex. The return sees double penetration, with Marine Cartier getting it in two holes, while Stevens gets in close to watch. This is somewhat slow moving, and just goes forward, if you’re a fan of DP, then you’ll like how this scene turns out, with the juxtaposition of Stevens’ fingernail polish, the two guys going in and out, and the camera staying in the action. Christina Stevens, Marine Cartier, Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson goes well here. The DP cums ends with cumming in both holes, well outside of the holes and that’s it.

The sex stops for a whlie, and we are sent back to the ktichen where Caroly Lynn and Christina Stevens start to talk and just speak to the past, and the future. They talk lovingly.

After the talking, Dietmar Z. Shows up and he’s naked, and hard. Carol Lynn starts to jack him off a little, and then sucks his cock. She is enthused here, and Z really gets up for it, as Lynn starts to really get into it, then he shoves aside a few things, and the two start to have sex on the table. The dud’s facial hair is epic here, and he’s not big, he’s just wide, and goes all in on Lynn. THis is a short sex scene, finished off by Z cumming on Lynn’s chest, and that’s it. Lynn moans a lot more here, and that’s that. The same kitchen set as before, mind you. After Z cums he leaves, and Stevens comes back to the ktichen to see what is going on, and rubs the cum all over Lynn’s chest.

After these scenes, Lynn is thrown out of the mansion, and runs into Gabriel Pontello. He gives her some sweet talk, and she gets on her hands and knees to blow him. The two stand up, kiss, and Lynn’s top comes down a little, then we see some stand up doggy to end the film, in a short manner. Pontello and Lynn have a short minor sex scene, with a lot of focus on Lynn’s moans and hand as Pontello pounds aay into a finish line that is somewhat less about passion and more about completing the task, and eventually cums, while Lynn furiously masturbates at the same time. SHe moans and nearly screams at one point, and that’s the end, end of the line.

I give “Sperma-Lust” a 2 out of 5.

This is not a great movie. The film grain is good, Lynn is attractive, but the sex overall is just robotic, with the sole exception being the 9 minute ending, which Lynn really gets into because she masturbates at the same time she’s getting pounded, and Pontello keeps pushing until he can’t hold on any longer. The director’s editing sucks, the music is horrible, and the lighting is hit and miss. However, as far as a European sex film, it works, and in a bind, you’ll probably like it.

What’s Butt Got To Do With It (1993) Review

WHat's Butt Got To Do With It (1993) 

Today we are going to be moving back to 1993 for a movie that was directed by Nic Cream, and has some good production value up front. The movie moves fast, and the story is simple, with production quality that is on the tip of the VHS scale. There is no film grain here, it’s comedically bad, but hey it’s 1993 and this is another movie. The movie we are going to review today is, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, and it stars Janet Jacme, Julian St. Jox, Ariel Daye, Tina Tyler, Lyndon Johnson, Ron Jeremy, Persia, Diana Knight, Dave Hardman, and Dick Nasty. These are not exactly all amazing names in the industry, but hey, they are in this movie from 1993, and we are going forward fast.

The movie starts with the credits, then we see a woman at a microphone about to sing. Her producer comes in and says that she’s singing wrong and that she’s stupid. He then goes off screen, and music comes through. We see things stop, and a large breasted blonde woman gets up and goes off screen. Then we see the singer and another woman talk, and the two discuss how the music world is so tough unless you give up something.

There’s a hard cut, and we see random women dancing around, and just shaking it. The sets here are real, the shadows point to that. They are not warehouse sets, this is someone’s apartment or house somewhere in the valley of southern California. The women dance for their producers, I’m assuming, and that’s about it. There is a lot of back and forth between the scenarios, and ultimately we end up with a Arsenio Hall looking dude, and an asian woman. Then there’s a random moment where it’s no longer the asian woman, it’s a short hair blonde. I’m not sure what the director was going for here, but eventually we see what I assume is Janet Jacme and Julian St. Jox having sex. This shifting camera angles and random moments, is just odd to me, but the sex starts and that’s ok. The two go through a few positions, both African Americans, and the lighting is terrible here. We get a couple of positions before Jox cumus, this involves anal at one point, and Janet swallows, and that’s the end of this scene.

After the scene ends, we get sent to a scene where a lady wants to be with her man in bed. He is writing, and he says, leave me alone, I’m trying to write. She tries to engage, and he’s not having it. The scene is very dark, the camera is very close, and shaky, and the lighting is horrendous here.

The camera switches and we are sent to a porn set, with hard lighting coming from the 4th wall, and shadows being cast all over. THere’s a dark green couch, and two brunettes kissing and taking off their dresses, while an African American woman starts to play with herself. This thruway features Ariel Daye, Persia, and Tina Tyler. The scene features oral, scissoring, masturbation, and lots of kissing. It’s slow moving, there’s not a lot of moaning, and it’s kind of boring if you ask me. I think these women may not be bisexual, as the performance leaves a lot to be desired.

We move to an outside scene and two women are talking. Apparently one lady is getting abused, and her man is cheating on her. She said she just needs to do one more album and things will be good. We then move to another scene.

This scene shows Ron Jeremy talking to the record producer, and he says that he wants to record an album with Spike and the Tina Turner impersonator, of sorts. Remember this is a parody of the Tina Turner story. The two argue, and then the producer tells his maid to suck on his friend, Ron Jeremy.

Lynden Johnson is a tall blonde woman with large breasts, and she takes out Ron Jeremy’s member to suck on it and that cues the music. The bass heavy music is horrible, the lighting here is again bad, but the set is a real house. This is not a warehouse set, this is someone’s house, so the lighting is a lot better, and the set dressings are also very good. Jeremy is not as fat as he is now, and he is ready for action as soon as Johnson starts to grab at his penis. Jeremy is killer with the one liners, and here is a good example of what a great performer he has been in the past, and well maybe in the present as well. He gets sucked off well by Johnson, whom I’ve never seen before in movies. “Must be from the virgin islands”, Jeremy quips, as he gets sucked off from Johnson. The sex is fine, she doesn’t moan a lot, and Jeremy spouts one liners as he has sex, and it’s not horrible, but the two lack chemistry, and it shows. Eventually he cuts on her face, and we see the end, and hard cut to a new scene.

We move to a patio party where all the industry insiders are hanging out, and then move to the inside of the house, and it’s our main character and Spike talking about leaving. She’s packing a bag, the outside is just talking, and things are going down on the inside. He says she cant leave and he owns her, and then we get a hard cut to the outside. Outside two women talk about how life is just stuck in a repeating pattern.




We then move to see Persia and Julian St. Jox talking, and while the ebony woman dances, the music kicks in and we get into a new sex scene. This time around it’s not bad, but it lacks that chemistry that you would expect from two people that actually want to have sex. This is a mechanical movement, and Persia is hot, but Julian St. Jox can’t wait to do anal, before he cums, and so you see that rush into sex, and that’s that. It’s not great, it’s not good, and well, it works. This is a warehouse setting, and the lighting sucks again, the music is lackluster, and the film grain just doesn’t work. This is duct taped together for sure.

After the scene, we get to another sequence where the main character wants to leave and she’s ready to go. But out comes two guys from the FBI and they flash their badges and say that our main character needs to come with them. She pleads her case, and she gets on her knees, and starts to get in on the blow job action. Diana Knight here gets into the sex, she blows Dave Hardman and Dick Nasty, and it’s not that good, but hey, she’s doing her job. This is done at someone’s house in a garage somewhere, and it’s lackluster, but it works in a pinch. There’s no DP here, it’s just threesome in the garage, before the film cuts out for me. Maybe there’s a resolution, but by the time I finish this thing, I’m ready for another drink and want to give up on it all.

I give “What’s Butt Got To Do With It” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Not even Ron Jeremy’s classic acting could save this picture. It’s horrendous, but hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.

Crazed (1997) Review

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Teen Manipulations (2013) Review

Teen Manipulations (2013) Poster and DVD Cover

I don’t really put a lot of focus on gonzo porno movies. I just don’t usually like them, but after some consideration, I’m going to break my focus yet again. This time around we are going to move back to 2013 to review a movie that stars Tony D, Alana James, Stella May, Tony De Sergio, Dakota Skye, Levi Cash, and Daisy Haze. This movie is distributed by Forbidden Fruits FIlms, and was directed by Levi Cash. It’s only 97 minutes long, and well, it is aimed at the teen genre. The movie is called, “Teen Manipulations” and it was released in 2013. Let’s take into consideration this movie, and whether or not it’s good.

We move forward with the movie, and we see Alana James alone, in a house. The house is nice, not a set, and we see Tony D show up to talk to her, and eventually convince her to have sex. Alana James is a thin, all natural, shaved, dark hair mixed young woman. Tony D has a distinctive tribal tattoo on his arm and shoulder, and is older, but not super old in comparison. He gets hard fast, and Alana James gets to work. The start is Alana James blowing Tony D with a great deal of gusto, and it’s not half bad. The sex starts, and it’s not that bad, with a focus on a nice set, well lit bedroom, with multiple positions. There’s no music, it’s just the sounds of sex, and Tony D lasts a bit long here. James looks young, moans a lot, and seems to enjoy the process of this film. After about 23 minutes or so, we end up with a cum shot from Tony D on Alana James’ stomach and that was that. The scene ends, and the sex is a bit sterile at times, with James not really into it towards the end, and well, Tony D sweating a lot, and talking to her. There’s a minimal amount of kissing, and she just doesn’t seem that thrilled by the end of it, and it’s just somewhat telling. I don’t know, there’s a vulnerability to it that just seems odd.

We move along to the next scene, and this time we see Stella May and Tony De Sergio talking at the front door of another house. This is not a set, it looks like a nice condo or townhome. Stella May and Tony discuss school and random things. Stella May looks about 19 to 20 years old here, has mid-lengths straight brown hair, and wears a pink top and green tight shorts. Just like the other scene, May is convinced to have sex. May is all natural, shaved, and looks like the girl next door. The two get nude, Stella May starts with a blow job with some strength, and it’s not half bad. As the scene progresses in a random bedroom with pink sheets, the lighting is good, there’s no music, and things ramp up swiftly. May and Tony go through a great deal of different positions here, and she seems to really enjoy the process. Tony and May have more chemistry than the first couple, and it shows, throughout the tensing of May’s abdominal area and the amount of moaning she does with Tony pushing hard.

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Another scene begins, and this time it’s director Levi Cash entering a living room with a brown couch. This seems like a set, not a house, it’s extremely well lit, but that’s a good thing. Cash keeps his polo on at first, and Dakota Skye starts to feel the pressure to have sex. She’s thin, blonde, very white, and all natural. Levi Cash isn’t that old, and he’s living a dream world, honestly, as he gets into this fast, and Skye seems to be enjoying it. Dakota Skye starts with a blow job, and Cash reciprocates with oral, then we get into the sex and it is fast, and to the point. This is a loud, casual sex scene on a brown couch, so it's not horrible, and if you like thin blondes, Skye is your dream girl in many ways.

The final scene on this release showcase Daisy Haze and Levi Cash. This is another simple setup. What seems like a home invasion turns into a sexual romp with Daisy Haze and Levi Cash. Daisy Haze is a girl next door looking young lady, she has small breasts, tan skin, and looks like a young Olivia Munn. If you’re a fan of Olivia Munn, she could easily be a sister. Cash shows up in a suit, and things start to move towards what we are here for overall. We start with Levi Cash giving Daisy Haze oral, and getting her to start moaning fast. The two move into a bedroom, and it’s somewhat sterile, and plain. The lighting is good though, and the progression of this features a little more chemistry than the rest of the movie. The sex goes through the normal positions that you’d expect, and it isn’t half bad. There’s no condoms, it just moves forward straight forward, and it’s not half bad. Cash is in work mode, and Haze moans and genuinely seems like she’s having fun at times, cumming, and allowing Cash to do his thing. He gets into director’s mode at times, and he gives a little more for his performance, going further here than in his previous scene. Including light choking, spanking, and being more aggressive with the sex. After a while, multiple positions, and cum b. Last on Haze’s stomach, we end our movie, and that’s that. Nothing too crazy here, and what seems like a lackluster kiss at the end. There’s something a bit odd with the ending, but maybe that’s just good acting? I don’t know.

The premise of the film works throughout, coercing the women to have sex with the men, and then their face of remorse after the fact. But overall, they seem to be having fun, but that’s the magic of porn, right? This is not a super sexy movie, but it works on a directorial, visual design, and porn level for modern options.

I give “Teen Manipulations” a 3 out of 5.

You can purchase “Teen Manipulations” by clicking here, and it is shot in HD, and it stars some young women from the porn world that may or may not be back in place. I’m not a big fan of gonzo, but this is a little more than that. It’s straight forward sex, and isn’t half bad. Click HERE and you can purchase this in HD, stream it, and even download it.

Constant Craving (1993) Review

Constant Craving (1993) 

Sometimes I have to take breaks because of other things that I’m doing, so I took a slight break from reviewing porno, to work with other projects, but I’m back again. This time around, we are going all the way back to 1993. This time around we are reviewing a movie that was directed by Jim Enright, and distributed by Vidco Entertainment. The movie stars Sierra, Randy West, Melanie Moore, Tony Martino, Brittany O’Connell, Joey Silvera, Melanie Moore, and Rebecca Bardoux. The movie is called, “Constant Craving”, and it was shot on 35mm. It is a movie I don’t recall ever seeing in theaters or on the video store shelf, but hey, it’s a Caballero classic according to some. With that in mind let’s get into another x-rated classic, this time around only 86 minutes in length and starring some major names from the 1980s and early 1990s before the silicone explosion came into play, right? Or maybe not, it’s only 1993.

I liked the beginning graphics, it made it seem like a far more important movie than it really was. We start with the credits of course, and we see the outside of a random house. The music starts and it’s a 1980s type of song, similar to what you’d expect from a teenage movie, but of course, we aren’t dealing with teenagers, we are dealing with adult cinema, so the song fades and we get into the movie.

It’s two girls talking on a couch. The two women are discussing how it’s important not to smoke. One woman is a brunette and has a red dress on, and the other is a blonde with a pink dress on. The two have pumps, and they have long legs, small breasts, and are arguing about quitting smoking. The two run into the kitchen and one wants to eat. She says that she has constant cravings and then they argue about drinking next. The brunette says that she’s too embarrassed to say what she’s really craving, and of course, we know what it is, it’s sex. She’s craving sex! In comes Randy West and Tony Martino. Randy West is told to go hang out and protect Sierra from smoking, and the two start to talk. Sierra says that she’s craving something, and it’s sex, and she throws herself at West, and he is reluctant at first, but then gives in.

Sierra goes topless with her red dress, the director cuts to the kitchen where Tony Martino and Melanie Moore are talking. The two are just talking and furthering the story line at this point. Martino makes a move, and Moore resists at first, but she then obliges a little, with Martino going down on his knees to give Moore oral. The music comes through, and we get started.

Sierra and Randy West are completely naked now, and she starts with a blow job with some deal of passion. Sierra is a young woman here, she has small breasts, long legs, nice curves, long brown hair, and looks like the girl next door. Randy West is a veteran of porn in 1993, and he sure enjoys the young woman’s gusto. Sierra is partially shaved, and really gets into the sex during oral, where she moans and cuts overall. There’s no condom here, just straight forward sex with West going into Sierra straight away. The music gets louder than Sierra at one point, and it is a little distracting to her moaning. The room they are in has a terrible looking couch, some pictures on the wall, and it looks like a set to me, as it doesn’t stand out as a real home at all. The camera gets in close as the two go for it, and the scene isn’t that long at all before West cubs on Sierra’s butt, and that’s it. It’s not a long scene, but it’s adequate. Sierra’s moaning makes this scene worth it, as she’s really pretty.

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The movie switches to the kitchen. In the kitchen Tony Martino is still giving Melanie Moore oral. She’s starting to moan a little. Martino looks like an out of work 1980s pro wrestling star, complete with mullet. Melanie Moore is a tall, blonde haired woman with long legs, partially shaved pubic hair, and small breasts. Martino loses his clothes, and Moore’s dress come down while the two start to have sex on a butcher’s block. The two just have regular sex, just going through the motions, no kissing, nothing extreme, and just back and forth as you’d expect. The sex is a bit mechanical and Martino cuts on Melanie Moore, and that’s it.


We go back to the living room where Sierra and Randy West talk about quitting cigarettes with going with sex instead. There’s a bad Spike Lee joke during this movie, as Moore talks to a random lady. The two talk about how Sierra can fight her cravings. For the next 24 hours, Sierra and Moore have to figure out how to avoid giving into cravings.

We move to another dark brown couch, and a different set. Here we see Joey Silvera eating Brittany O’Connell’s butt, and then the heavy bass lines come into play. The start of this involved straight forward oral, and rimming, and the camera lets you in to see the two. This has a bit of chemistry that the other scenes didn’t have. The music sounds like it was produced and recorded by The Cure, and it’s the best part of this movie at this point. Brittany has long, curly brown hair, light skin, partially shaved pubic hair, and all natural. She has to be in her 30s in this movie, as she looks like a milf in a way, and she has small breasts. She has a lot of makeup here, and Silvera goes to work immediately with oral, as Brittany moans her way through the start of this scene. The sex doesn’t last long, as Silvera seems not to last too long with Brittany in this scene. He goes as much as he can, but he ends up cumming after Brittany gets off riding him and starts to blow him for the ending. Silvera is not that big, mind you, and lasts as long as he could, but cubs right into Brittany’s face, for the ending. The two have serious chemistry, so that was interesting to see here.

After the Silvera scene, we are taken back to the other house, and this time we see Melanie Moore and Sierra starting to makeout. They just go for it, taking off their clothes and starting to kiss, and get into lesbian sex. Sierra moans a lot here, very loudly, so that’s a plus, and this is just a scene with two women kissing and giving each other oral. Moore does most of the work here, at least at first, before Sierra gives her some oral fun, and the two just go back and forth with oral, so if you’re a fan of that, this is a good scene to watch and learn from.

We move forward into the next scene, and it has Randy West and Rebecca Bardoux hanging out on an outdoor chair. Bardoux is an older woman at this point, has 1980s style hair that is wild, and large, and is wearing a green bikini. She’s blonde, she’s got curves, and looks like she’s in hear late 1930s in this scene. She has small breasts, and Randy West wears a Los Angeles Raiders hat while the two start to get it on. Randy West starts with foreplay, pulling open the green bikini of Bardoux and starts to get into the sex right away. Randy West is usually ok at this, but in this scene, he’s mechanical, while Bardoux is moaning a little here and there, the two just going through mechanical sex. She smiles a bit at around the end of the scene, and asks for West to go harder, but West gets tired and ends up just humming on her face and that was that. I was shocked to see how awful this ender was, and well that was that. It’s not sexy, it’s formulaic, and this time around, the music sucks. Bardoux and West just don’t seem to have that much chemistry.

The end of of the movie features Sierra and Moore just talking and saying that they can get into any craving, if it involves sex, and that is the finish of the movie.

I give “Constant Craving” a 2 out of 5.

I’m not a big fan of the actors and scenes in this movie, However, that shouldn’t stop you from watching it. You can purchase and stream “Constant Craving” by clicking here.

Cop Sucker (1998) Review

Cop Sucker (1998) Dvd Cover

Today we are going to be venturing forward or backwards to 1998. That’s the year when I discovered cable television pornography, and if you were like me, you didn’t see penetration. They had the bumping and grinding, but cleverly edited out the literal penetration, so I swore back then that one day I would see the hardcore versions of these movies, and well here I am, reviewing another classic of sorts. This time around, we are going to be looking at the Joe D’Amato directed movie, “Cop Sucker” from 1998. It was released by Moonlight Entertainment, and it stars Maria de Sanchez, Kyle Stone, Christi Lake, Dave Hardman, Nick East, Mercedes, Sean Michaels, Gina Rome, Vince Vouyer, and Kimberly Jade. I’m a big fan of Christi Lake, and wish I could have met her, even now, just to interview her. But alas, here we are judging her performances because that’s what we do with this blog. So let’s take a break to 1998, and see what “Cop Sucker” has for us.

The starting line of this movie features Christi Lake sitting at a desk writing some notes. We then go to a scene where a woman is talking to a police officer. She’s dressed in his uniform, and there’s some soft music playing. It’s Kyle Stone, and Maria De Sanchez. Now, I’m a fan of Kyle Stone because he got to have sex with Stacy Valentine in the movie “Stupid Cupid”, and it’s one of my favorite scenes with Stacy Valentine.

Stone doesn’t want to have sex right away, he says he has to go to work, but Maria de Sanchez convinces him to stay for a minute to have some illicit fun. The movie shifts from safe, to sexy within 3 minutes. Maria de Sanchez is a latin woman that resembles Selma Hayek a bit, and she takes her clothes off completely, letting Stone start to give her oral. The starting point is oral from Stone to Sanchez, and away we go with the sex. Stone isn’t hard right away, he takes a little time, but Sanchez starts giving him a blow job and he starts to get up fast. I’ve never seen Sanchez before, but she is a perfect latina, with large breasts, long black hair, a thin waist, and gets into the role with relative ease. The two go into a bedroom that looks ok, a little bland overall. Nothing special here, and there’s no condom. The music sucks here, and it’s horrendous, smooth jazz. However, Stone gets hard, and starts to go back and forth with Sanchez, as she starts to moan. She reminds me a little of Katrina Jade, and the two have a little chemistry during this one. Even though Stone has a knee bandage, he goes through the motions of sex in multiple positions, and really gives Sanchez some attention. After about 15 minutes of sex, Stone can’t hang on and pulls out to let Sanchez get a facial, and the camera slows down a little, while she takes it on her face, and that’s the end. Not a great scene at all, and definitely killed by the music.

There’s a keyboard playing, and we see Christi Lake talking about an experience from the past. Lake looks like a former boss of mine, so she’s always been hot to me. She talks about a couple of cops that came to her house in uniform, and they are Dave Hardman and Nick East. They knock on her home’s door, and she’s waiting with a red dress on and red cowboy boots. Her hair is up. She’s a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, and if you’ve seen her before, you know that she is beautiful. I still wish I could meet her, just to interview her, but alas, I’ll digress. The two cops come inside the house and start to ask some questions.

After Lake doesn’t want to give up any questions, she asks them to give her a strip search. Christi Lake takes off her clothes, and the two cops start to unrobe. We start with Christi Lake giving Dave Hardman a blow job while Nick East gives her oral, and she starts to get into the motions. The music here is terrible. I hate it. Soft, bad jazz plays, and the trio start to work with the motions of sex. Hardman isn’t hard at first, so you see a soft penis get into the action, then you see East get hard and go in with Lake without a condom on, and just starts to go fast on the kitchen table. The music here is louder than the sounds of the sex, and I personally thought hit was distraction. Outside of that, Christi Lake has a beautiful face, and the sex is a little more inspired than the first scene. Don’t expect double penetration here because it doesn’t happen, it’s just a straight forward sexual romp. The trio have sex, one going in and one getting blown until the two end up giving her a facial and that’s that. Lake gets her hair pulled and a nice cum shot at around the 27 minute mark, and that’s it. Not her best scene at all, and well, the music really killed it for me.

We move along to a prison. We see Sean Michaels trying to interview Mercedes. He’s in a full suit and she is in a chair, with leather on. She tells Micheals that she is not going to tell him anything unless he gives her something. So the two agree to sex, as is the norm in these movies.

Mercedes is a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, with a stunning look to her. Michaels is an African American actor that has been a mainstay in porn for some time. Upon closer look, you may find that Mercedes looks like Donna from the 70’s show, and well, we get to the action in a few moments.

The music turns up, and it’s another soft jazz tune from the 1990s. It’s not old school jazz mind you, and it’s way louder than the sex. Mercedes gets on her knees and blows Sean Michaels, then he gets her up and goes in from behind. The contrast of light skin and dark is wonderful, and fans of interracial sex will love this scene, which is quite good. The two keep their clothes on for the most part, and Michaels even smokes a cigar during the sex, which is filmed in an abandoned jail cell. After a while, the two take off their clothes, an there’s a mattress strategically placed on the floor. The director decided to slow the footage down, increase the sound of the piano, and let you in on Michaels going deep into Mercedes. I found it boring, and not needed, but if it extended the time of thrusting, maybe it was a good idea after all. At around the 42 minute mark, Michaels cups on Mercedes’ chest and throat, and you see that she has a tongue piercing. They slow down the footage so you see a slow motion cum blast, and honestly, it’s not that good at all. Mercedes is beautiful, but the sex here is robotic, with music that is horrendous, and a set that isn’t half bad.

We go back to Christi Lake at the police headquarters, and outside is Gina Rome in a nice sun dress. She is in high heels, and she says that her cat is lost, and needs help. Vince Vouyer comes in to help, and the two talk a little.

Gina Rome is a tall brunette with girl next door milf looks. Vouyer is a mainstay of 1990s porno, and we go inside to a random house where she takes down her dress and starts to blow Vince. Gina Rome starts with a full blow job of Vince Vouyer, and he is hard nearly immediately. Again, this movie is awful with the sound, a smooth jazz track is louder than the sex, and there’s a lot of transitions through this one. The director doesn’t really focus on Rome’s face, because her teeth are all jacked up, and honestly, that threw me off. The two have sex on the counter, and there’s a reflection of the boom mic and more. Vouyer does ok here, but Rome’s teeth and overall performance lacks in passion, and the director slows down the thrusting to compensate. Eventually Vince can’t hang on, and he masturbates to a finish into Rome’s face and tongue. She’s not very attractive, especially with those teeth, I can’t unsee that. Sorry.

We are back at the office and Christi Lake is talking to the camera, saying that she remembers another sex story. This time it features Nick east and Kimberly Jade.

We are taken to a bedroom set with ok lighting. There we see Kimberly Jade, nearly nude and Nick East in uniform. She has blonde curly hair, and dark roots, and wears a black garter belt with stockings. East takes his pants down and Jade immediately starts to blow him, but he’s not hat hard. You can see the boom mic reflection in the head rest of the bed, and the lighting here is dramatically bad. Kimberly Jade has some amazing eyes, and is quite pretty compared to the other girls in this movie thus far. She blows East for quite a while, finally getting him hard. The music is louder than the sex again, and it’s awful. The music is so distracting here, and the director again slows the sex down so that you see the penetration in and out in slow motion. I didn’t like that. The two seem to have ok chemistry together, but it honestly reminds me of an escort having sex with a client, kind of rushed, kind of forced, and really nothing that passionate. The two have adequate sex, but the music is harsh, and the keyboards are so loud I had to really think twice about giving this more than a few stars rating. I do find Jade pretty, though, so for that it almost got me to attention. At the one hour and 9 minute mark, East cubs on Jade’s pelvis and that’s the end of this scene. It’s done in slow motion, and again, it’s not that good.

We are at our final scene, and this time around we see Christi Lake and Maria de Sanchez under cover, and going to a back room with Vince Vouyer. The music again sucks here, and really throws me off. You hear the sounds of the trio underneath the loud keyboard sounds of smooth jazz. Within a few minutes, though, Sanchez starts to blow Vince, and we are off to the sexual races. Christi Lake joins them too, and there’s a dual blow job given here which is quite good for the final scene. Vince has sex with Sanchez the most. They go into a couple of positions, and the finish shows Christi Lake and Sanchez getting a facial from Vince and that’s it. The movie ends abruptly and the credits role. There is slow down with the sex, and there’s a lack of passion and moaning. The music is far too loud again, and it just doesn’t fit the scene. The best part is the finale, with a dual blow job on Vince and summing on both Sanchez and Lake’s face, which must’ve been fun overall. Other than that, this really has a lackluster finish to a lackluster movie.

I give “Cop Sucker” a 2 out of 5.

Christi Lake can’t save this one, and the rest of the sex is lackluster. The director really messed up a good thing, slowing down the motions, and putting the audio way louder for the music than anything else. It messes with your head and vibe, making this a terrible movie to watch. I didn’t like it, but maybe you will, if you find it out there.