Poonies (1985) Review

The Poonies (1985) Poster

I’m not always a fan of parody porno movies, but here and there they come into my queue for review and I have to review them. That’s exactly what is going down today, a review of a parody from 1985. So we go into our time machine, and go back to 1985 where the porno was different, and there were a lot more stories involved. In the case of this movie, we are going to be seeing a collection of stars in one place for a movie called, “Poonies”, a parody of “The Goonies”. The director here is Bruce Seven, and the distributor is Vivid Video. The stars of this movie include Amber Lynn, Peter North, Heather Wayne, Marc Wallice, Sharon Mitchell, Kevin James, Ted Wilson, Bionca, Herschel Savage, and Ami Rogers. Is this a good one to check out? Will you enjoy it? I don’t know, let’s find out when we venture back to 1985 to watch, the movie entitled, “Poonies”.

The starting point of this movie features the credits and an old Vivid Video Logo, which is awesome to see. We see Ginger Lynn walking into a farm wearing a mini-skirt, blue beret, and we hear someone singing. It’s hilarious to hear, as it’s a legit song. I don’t know who sings it, but it’s classic 1980s style music. “The Poonies are the way they are now”, wow. Anyways, the movie rolls the credits and we see clips from the interior of the ranch that people are on, and we see people walking around, and going from different locations. This was shot on film, and it shows, there’s a film grain to it, and it’s quite interesting to see overall. There’s a full list of people involved with this movie, it’s not just a random budgeted movie, this was played in theaters, and it shows from the starting line to the interior of the movie. I can imagine myself at the Pussycat Theater watching this one, and it’s a classic venture back to a different time.

The movie starts and we see Peter North and Amber Lynn stating that they have a meeting with the Poonies later. The two look at each other in a motel looking room, and they start to kiss. Amber Lynn kisses Peter North and starts to moan before taking out his package. Amber Lynn is a blonde haired woman with small breasts, good curves, and a slight tan. She immediately goes down on Peter North, and he’s not hard yet, but he grows as per usual. There’s a blow job sequence with romantic music, and the two switch positions to a point where Amber gets head as much as Peter does, but the director decides to change things up.

The director leaves the action to show Heather Wayne and Marc Wallice talking. Heather Wayne’s teeth are bad here, she’s a dirty blonde that looks a bit older. Marc Wallice is young, wears a cowboy hat and weird looking vest. A 1980s techno beat starts and Heather Wayne kisses Marc Wallice, and as the camera zooms out we realize that they are both nude. Wayne has dark pubic hair, the two are in the den of a badly designed condo, with terrible carpeting, next to a brick fireplace. Wallice starts with oral on Heather Wayne and she responds nicely to it. After a few minutes the two switch places and she gets on her knees to blow Wallice. It’s not a bad blow job by any means, but there’s a lot of hair here, and she works well with what she has, but Wallice isn’t huge. There’s a nice shot of Wayne bent over, which is lovely, but the director cuts.

The director hard cuts back to Peter North and Amber Lynn having sex. They are in doggy style by the time the camera switches and it’s not too bad of a scene. Lynn moans a great deal as North goes all in with a mechanical rush of blood, and romantic music as the backdrop. The two continue to have sex, and it’s not a bad scene, but it’s also not too sexy, as there’s some blocking and they are on a waterbed.

Another hard cut occurs and the director goes back to Heather Wayne and Marc Wallice having sex. I hate when directors do this, but I’m sure it’s because porno theaters didn’t want their patrons masturbating during the film, so they cut the sex scenes shorter and switch between hardcore shows, right? I don’t know. Wallice and Wayne are doing it reverse cowgirl and the camera shows off the moves. At one point Marc picks up Wayne and gives her a standup ride, which is impressive.

Right when you get impressed, we are taken to another hard cut. This cut sends us to reverse cowgirl with Amber Lynn and Peter North. After some time in the sex, things stop and North cums, although it’s not a big cum shot, and Amber Lynn finishes him off with a hand job.

Hard cut again and we are back with Marc Wallice and Heather Wayne in doggy style. After some back and forth traction here Wallice can’t hold on and cums on Wayne’s back and that’s it. He’s sweaty, they kiss, and the two smile afterwards. The camera fades and we are taken to a meeting of the Poonies up next.

So we get into a meeting of the Poonies and they discuss how their house is being taken by the bank. It’s that simple. Then they find out that the owner of the house has been kidnapped! They talk about finding an old treasure map, and then it’s shown off, etc. the story now features the Poonies trying to find their lost guy, and figure out how to save their house. A sense of adventure! The story of Poonies starts and we go ahead with more information.

We move along to another scene, after the Poonies have their meeting. It features Sharon Mitchell talking to Kevin James. Sharon ties up James, and then starts to strip in front of him. Sharon Mitchell has a thin body, short 1980s hair, a big nose, big facial features, and a round butt that’s quite good. She looks like a mom from the 1980s with a tight body, and it’s quite interesting to see. There’s a deep bass line, music starts, and Sharon Mitchell gets on her knees to blow Kevin James. The director shows a bit of the insertion to start, and the two start to have sex, but then there’s a hard cut, bugging the hell out of me.

The cut goes back to the Poonies meeting, and they all discuss a crazy lady, whom they elude is Sharon Mitchell. They are going to investigate and figure out what is going on and where their landlord is based on the map. Then we see a little strip tease with Ginger Lynn before the camera cuts back to the sex.

Back in a basement looking area we see Kevin James and Sharon Mitchell in reverse cowgirl. There’s no condoms, no one is shaved, and this is mechanical in nature. The two go through several positions, and it’s not a terrible sequence with the music, but in the middle of the sex another hard cut occurs!

With a hard cut we are taken to the den of the previous scene only this time we see Ginger Lynn, Heather Wayne, and Ted Wilson engaging in oral. The trio go through some positions of sex, and there’s a saxophone jazz tune in this one. Ginger Lynn is the star here, as she gets into the sex a lot more than Wayne at this point, and it seems as though Ted Wilson isn’t complaining at all as he goes all in with Lynn.

The director hard cuts from doggy style and we are sent back to the basement where Sharon Mitchell is having sex with Kevin James still. She moans a little and the two are working up a sweat, and it’s not too bad here. James asks his lover to give him a hand job and that’s it. The end of this scene.

After the sex, the camera cuts to the Poonies dorking around the compound. Nothing special here, no music just the actors going around some ranch.

Meanwhile, Bionca and Herschel Savage are in a room together and they start to make out for what seems like no reason. They start to make out a bit, then Bionca goes down to give savage a blow job. The two end up in a 69 position, and it gets hot fast. Bionca is a new comer to the porn world with this movie, and she’s a brunette with a thin body, small breasts, and not shaved. She has tan lines, and looks young here. Savage gets into the sex fast, and the two workout well together, moving and grinding with no condom, and it’s not a bad scene until the camera cuts!

The camera cuts and we see the Poonies with Sharon Mitchell. Mitchell has a shot gun pointed at them, and they are all busted. Sharon Mitchell asks them to start making out and get naked, which they oblige.

But then the camera cuts again and we are back with Bionca and Herschel Savage having sex in that crappy motel looking room. It’s actually pretty good sex, all things considered and the two really work as though they are trying to get off well. The camera watches you see two people really having sex, and it seems really good, every movement and the overall cumming of Bionca and moaning is great. This is the type of sex you’d want to have, and I’m enthralled. A great sequence of sex is hard to find in 1980s releases, but this works very well and the two are legitimately passionate about the sex, with Bionca riding on top and Savage going as hard as he can with her in rhythm.

There’s a hard cut and we are taken to a blow job occurring in the basement. This is where Mitchell has commanded the Poonies to get into the action together. With this sex scene we see Sharon Mitchell with Peter North, Ami Rodgers and Marc Wallice all having sex in the same room. This is a clumsy group sex scene with the director not really knowing what to point towards, so he just kind of gives you a random glance at the blow jobs that are occuring here and there. Nothing really crazy here. Both women are brunettes, but Ami Rodgers has large breasts, and they are all natural.

A swift cut from the director and we see reverse cowgirl with Savage and Bionca, and it’s back to passionate sex. If you could just splice their scene together for the sex it showcases an amazing sequence. It’s the best sex scene I’ve seen in a long time.

A hard cut again and I’m annoyed, but we are back to the four some, and it’s your traditional sex scene. One couple is doing it sideways, another is doing doggy and that’s it. This goes on for some time before both guys can’t hold on and cum on the women and that’s it. They just cum and that’s all she wrote, so to speak. They are all sweaty, they seem to have been spent in this one, and it’s not a bad scene, mind you, it’s just not great either. The camera work is clumsy, the sex is lazy, and it’s mechanical at best.

Everyone puts their clothes back on and the cowboy dude grabs a shotgun and is told it’s not loaded.

We are taken to another scene, and here we see Bionca, Ginger Lynn, and Heather Wayne making out after Ginger Lynn masturbates. The scene turns into a threeway lesbian sex scene. It’s an easy, simple scene with lots of oral, fingers, and a rockin beat. I hate using the word traditional to describe these scenes sometimes, but there’s not much to it. Two of the three women are really into this one, and the other is just going along for the most part. The director must’ve told them to just go at it. Ginger Lynn is nearly upside down with her legs up in the air at one point which is a unique visual, but other than that, this is a simple, and sometimes mundane sex scene with a lot of blocking. If you like watching women give oral, then you’ll like this one for sure.

After the sex, we see Ginger Lynn answering the phone and finding out that the crew has been kidnapped and held against their will and that she needs to come rescue them. So that’s where she goes, to see where they are at.

Ginger Lynn finally shows up and finds Kevin James all tied up. She unties him and they start to talk, before they kiss. Ginger Lynn and Kevin James start to make out, and she gets on her knees to give oral. Ginger Lynn here has curly hair, and is in her prime, while Kevin James soaks up all of the work that Lynn gives him. He goes all in with her, no condom, and Lynn moans a bit, looks back at him, and really gets into the sex. It’s not a terrible scene, mind you, but it is not Lynn’s best. James is adequate at best, but he’s far from Lynn’s best partner and it shows through the sex scene. At the 1 hour and 11 minute mark, things speed up a little and Lynn moans a bit more, but it’s obvious that she’s not that into it, and you can tell that James is trying his best to keep his hard on, only to cum into Lynn’s mouth.

After this scene, we are taken to the ranch where the Poonies are found safe and sound. The story ties up and they get to keep their home, and end it all with a big orgy that features everyone in the cast. There’s an orgy that features Ami Rodgers, Bionca, Ginger Lynn, Heather Wayne, Sharon Mitchell, Herschel Savage, Kevin James, Marc Wallice, Peter North, and Ted Wilson. Everyone gets naked here and just goes to town. There’s no rhyme or reason for this, and we get the Poonies theme song going again. It’s a trope that is in a lot of 1980s movies that were sent to porno theaters. The orgy is a mix of sex with multiple partners, and nothing really stands out for me. There’s not a lot of sound, the music takes over, but there are several cum shots and several sex endings, so maybe that’s something to consider? Overall, not a great scene, but not a terrible one either. It’s an orgy with bad direction, lousy music, and all of the stars, so it’s functional, but it’s scatter brained as well.

I give “Poonies” a 2 out of 5.

Despite my attraction to Ginger Lynn, this is a terrible movie that has only one saving grace, being a parody of “The Goonies”, movie which is a classic. If you are a collector and must see all of the parodies or want to watch all Ginger Lynn movies, here you go, another one to add to your collection. Otherwise, you probably won’t care to see this one often. Although, Herschel Savage and Bionca do a great job in their scene, which can be deemed a classic if you ask me.

Beverly Hills Cox (1986) Review

Beverly Hills Cox (1986) Poster 

Today we are going back to 1986 and we are going to look into a parody film that stars Ginger Lynn. That’s right, the famous porno actress, Ginger Lynn, one of my first crushes, and one of the super stars of adult film, stars in this movie, which was shot for the big screen. You can tell throughout the movie that this was meant to be seen in theaters, not just on home video, as the film grain throughout is very much something that you would see in a grind house theater. In my area it was the Pussycat Theater that would play these movies, so in 1986, it was definitely a movie that you’d see there. The stars of this film include, Sheri St. Clair, Tantala Ray, Nick Random, Bridgette Monet, Ginger Lynn, Randy West, Sharon Mitchell, Tess Ferre, Francois, Jerry Butler, Shone Tayler, and Jamie Gillis. The plot is simple enough, it’s about a private detective played by Ginger Lynn as she uncovers several different cases. She narrates a great deal of the movie, and it starts with her walking the streets, and then going into a sex dungeon, where she catches a perp. The movie in question and review for today is none other than the parody of “Beverly Hill Cop”. This movie from 1986 is called “Beverly Hill Cox”, and while it is a parody, it doesn’t resemble the Hollywood version at all.

While this was meant to be for the big screen, it doesn’t shy away from the sex component, it’s very much an adult movie as within 3 minutes you get penetration, and you are reminded that this is all about sex. I could only imagine this on the big screen. The opening sex scene features Sheri St. Clair, Tantala Ray, and Nick Random. The trio have sex for a few minutes, and then Random cums on a woman’s butt, and that’s it. Meanwhile, Ginger Lynn watches, and then snaps a photo of what is going on. She says, “Smile for your wife”, and then runs off.

The story moves along for a story line. The story is that Suzy Cox is on the case, and that’s about it. The movie has some non-sex roles, mostly about what is going on in the world of private detective work. Ginger Lynn, isn’t the greatest actress, but she works well overall. The rest of the cast that is in non-sex roles aren’t half bad either. This is actually a “movie” I cannot stress that enough. The editing is crisp, and it really feels like more than just a porno, which I absolutely love. You can actually watch this fully, without just fast forwarding to the sex. It had a little comedy, it had a lot of sex, and some good acting, even for 1986!

Moving forward, we see a stake out, and it features Sharon Mitchell listening in on Bridgette Monet and Ginger Lynn getting affectionate. They start to kiss, and get out of their clothes, only to start a lesbian scene. It’s subtle, and sensual, like you’re watching softcore porno, which isn’t awful, but it’s far from what you’d expect from Lynn and the 1980s, as other scenes are more hardcore in nature. It’s a nice sensual, romantic, lesbian scene, that’s for sure.

This starts turning on Sharon Mitchell, remember, it’s a stake out. She gets turned on so much that she starts to grope Randy West, in the back seat of a car, and then they start to go at it. West and Mitchell have real chemistry here, and it’s really Mitchell that really pushes the scene, and the sexuality of the whole thing. West is just a by standard, and while he’s definitely into it, it’s Sharon Mitchell’s performance that takes the cake here, she’s really into it on all fronts, and creates such a good atmosphere of sex, that you start to get turned on. The director keeps going back to the lesbian scene, though, cutting back and forth, which I hate. I always hate when directors go from one scene to the next, in the middle of their sex scenes. The lesbian scene is romantic, soft, subtle, and well timed, meanwhile the car sex is fast, hard, and passionate. The sex doesn’t last too long, and eventually Randy West cums on Mitchell’s pubic hair. The two have serious chemistry, here, and it’s definitely not a long scene, but it works very well for what it is.

The movie moves forward to another scene, featuring a salesman trying to sell a woman on a dress. She goes to a dressing room, and the camera follows, naturally. The salesman yells out to another guy who is showing clothing to a customer, and it’s there that you see another sex scene, although somewhat robotic compared to what was just shown on the screen. Tess Ferre and Francois have sex in a dressing room. This is slow and methodical, without much passion at all. They go through the motions, and the most interesting thing is that Tess Ferre’s hair has sparkly stuff in it, so that’s kind of neat. Other than that, this is a scene that is somewhat boring and relatively easy to watch. Francois evetnaully cums, and that’s that. It’s a boring sex scene in a dressing room at a department store. Meanwhile, Ginger Lynn listens in another stall.

Ginger Lynn moves to another scene, going to a mechanic this time to get help with her car. She then becomes attracted to him, and the two start making out. There’s a lot of art given to this scene, with a lot of play with lighting, and music. The 1980s synth rock is not bad, but the sex scene is slow, and very “artsy” in a way. Lynn is juxtaposed with a Ferrari, and the mechanic keeps his shoes on, while Lynn gets into the action. This is not a great scene, as the two are mechanical (no pun intended) in nature. Eventually the mechanic cums on Lynn’s back, and that’s it. This is a short sex scene, and not that fun to watch. Lynn does ok, but Jerry Butler isn’t exactly grand, as he goes through the motions without any real passion. This was an “artsy” scene, that’s all I can say about that. Jerry Butler and Ginger Lynn do the deed, but meh, it’s not exciting.

The next scene features a phone call with a person detective agency and her women. She yells at the girls and says to not get in the way, and to keep an eye on their client. That transitions to another driving sequence, featuring Lynn, in Beverly Hills and finding different people. If you’re into story lines, then this is something that you’ll like. Because the story continues to be about the case, in which Cox is working, and she continues to use it properly. Next up, maids are at a party chopping things, and Ginger Lynn crashes the party in a black haired wig. She then moves around the party, and finds the client and shows up to a hot tub, where she grabs Sharon Mitchell and throws her in the tub! Shone Taylor then puts the moves on Sharon and the two start to go at it in a hot tub.

Sharon Mitchell and Shone Taylor go through to a blow job. Meanwhile, the camera cuts to Cox roaming around the mansion. While Mitchell continues to blow Taylor, her partner calls, and she tells her that Cox is roaming around. The camera cuts between the sex, and what Cox is doing, which is terrible, but hey, that’s just me. The movie shows off a lot of the sex, but also shows the story line developing towards the end. This must be because the movie was supposed to be for the big screen, otherwise what’s the point of transitioning so much? Mitchell’s performance here is great, once again showing off how much she seems to enjoy the process of movie making and sex. If you haven’t seen her work, maybe this is a good starting point. This scene really is a matter of a blow job, that’s about it.

With the end of the hot tub scene, the director moves the movie to Ginger Lynn, she’s investigating a room where Jamie Gillis finds her. The two talk about what’s going on in the night. They sit down and have champagne, and you know what’s going to happen next, right? The harpsichord music begins, and the two start kissing on the bed, and slowly start to work through what will be the last sex scene. Jamie Gillis and Ginger Lynn go through a passionate love scene, which is hardcore in nature, no doubt, but it’s not “hardcore” in that it’s rough or anything. It’s like watching two people make love, which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s definitely odd to see in porno. Ginger Lynn seems to genuinely enjoy this scene, and Gillis actually goes beyond work mode, the two becoming symbiotic. This is a passionate, arousing sexual scene, that you can tell throughout the motions, and of course the music. The passionate music plays, Lynn cums a few times, and the two kiss, embrace, and seem to really enjoy this sequence of sex. This is not clean cut, new school sex, mind you, there’s a lot of pubic hair, there’s a lot of sexual positions, and the money shot is not a major factor.

The story line continues, and we find out that Gillis’s character is known as the “Boner Bandit”, and he’s the mark that Cox was looking for. Gillis confesses to Cox, and that’s the end. The movie fades into the credits, and that’s where it all ends. I can see how this could be part of a double feature, because it’s only 1 hour and 20 minutes long, and the sex, honestly, isn’t that long at all. It’s good at times, but there are several ones that aren’t grand. As the movie continues, you get to see the twist ending, which I won’t spoil, but that’s it. The credits roll, and you get some close up shots of the production and a few little blooper elements, and that’s the end of the movie. Not much else to say about this one.

I give “Beverly Hills Cox” a 4 out of 5.

Why such a high rating? Well, it’s really Sharon Mitchell and Ginger Lynn that sold me. Sharon Mitchell and Randy West have some real chemistry, the acting isn’t half bad, and Lynn’s final scene is hot and passionate. It’s not heavy, it’s just sexy, and that’s something that is grand about porno sometimes. It can entice, without going overboard.

You can purchase “Beverly Hill Cox” at a variety of locations, I got a VHS copy for review.