Stupid Cupid (2000) Review

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A Little Piece of My Heart (1997)

A Little Piece of My Heart (1997) Poster

Today we go back to the year 1997 for a little bit of a surprise. Well, not to me, but to you. Here we go into a scene that features many talents, from Metro Studios comes the movie called “A Little Piece of My Heart”. This is a movie that stars Stacy Valentine, Shay Sweet, Tom Byron, Alyssa Love, Davia Ardell, Ron Jeremy, Julian, and Vince Vouyer. I’m a fan of Stacy Valentine, and never got to interview her, but would love to talk to her about some of the work that she’s done. Maybe one day. This is a movie that was heavy in rotation on the Spice Network Cable Channel in the late 1990s, which is why I wanted to go back and see the hardcore version. This movie is written and directed by Jace Rocker, and it is a starring role for Stacy Valentine. The movie isn’t shot on film grain or anything. It’s above the gonzo level, but it’s definitely plot driven.

We start a movie in 1969 in Texas. We see Tom Byron and Shay Sweet watching television and on it is a documentary about Vietnam. Byron plays a redneck, and he is upset about the big issue. Shay Sweet tries to calm him down, with some of the worst acting. Byron has some acting chops, but Shay Sweet doesn’t seem to have much in the acting department. Byron says that he is going to get some medals to show off to Sweet and that may turn her on. So he comes out with a few boxes and shows them off. He then pulls a blue box and talks about how he got shot in the penis. He then opens the box and there it is, a penis in a box! Sweet starts to talk a bit, and Byron asks for her to put her hands on it, and well, you could very well know what’s going to happen next.

Shay Sweet and Tom Byron start to make out, and undress before getting into their sex scene. Shay Sweet is a blonde haired, midwestern looking girl, and Tom Byron is a legend in the business, but here he has short hair and an earring instead of his long curly hair from other movies from the same decade. Shay Sweet is an interesting blonde with a shaved pubic region, no condoms are used, and she reminds me of a Texas escort that came through Culver City in 2011. I believe it was the same person, but hey, what do I know? The two have sex in a trailer, and the whole sex scene is on a brown couch. After a few positions, oral, and sex, Byron asks to stick it in her butt, and she obliges. He goes in for anal very slowly, then goes through the sequence until he finally can’t keep going and cums all over Shay Sweet’s chest. She has A cup breasts, and a girl next door look to her, and Byron just cums, and that’s the end of their sex scene. The couch is horrendous looking, and the music track doesn’t back the year, but hey, it’s a standard opener in many ways.

The scene shifts and we see an old beat up VW Bug come to the trailer park. It’s there that Stacy Valentine comes in and finds him and Shay Sweet getting their clothes on. Valentine has a southern accent and she gets very mad at the two, and she’s far better of an actress than Sweet. Stacy Valentine comes out of a bedroom with a suitcase and says that she’s leaving Byron. She says that she’s never been with another man, and that she’s tired of him, so she’s leaving! This was a fun scene, and both Byron and Valentine steal the show. She is on her way to California, and that’s that. We see Valentine on the side of the road with her thumbs out, and a classic Ford Mustang pulls over. It’s a hippy looking dude and he has no problem taking her along for the ride. This is a full hippy dude, and the acting isn’t half bad. The two start a conversation and then make a plan to go to San Francisco, but first, they want to get high and listen to some “tunes”. We get to the hippy’s house, and it’s totally decorated from the 1960s, and it’s hilarious to see the thought that went into the set.

Stacy Valentine and Steve Hatcher start kissing on an old looking couch, and that leads to sex. Stacy Valentine is an iconic, curvy blonde, and this movie was shot after she had breast augmentation. Steve Hatcher is dressed like a hippy, and the two don’t break character through this sex scene. Valentine’s breasts get exposed right away and the two start a very sensual romp, with a bit of 1960s guitar rock. The ambience is good, and the sex starts slow. Hatcher gets hard fast, and the two have some great chemistry in this one, with Valentine showing off her breasts and skills throughout this one. Hatcher must’ve been in love because he had one hell of a hard on to start this scene, which is a rarity amidst porn movies that I’ve been reviewing. I don’t blame him, I’d have given my left foot to get some action from Stacy. The two work through oral and then get to 69 at one point, and this is all done the couch of this psychedelic apartment set. After some time, Stacy goes for reverse cowgirl, legs wide open for the camera, and there’s no condoms used. She’s partially shaved, and Hatcher doesn’t lose his facial hair or hippy vibe throughout. The music works well here, it’s like Hendrix type stuff, but not as good obviously. The sex is adequate, Valentine moans a bit, and then Hatcher eventually cums on her face and she blows him a little after the fact. That’s my favorite part of these movies, honestly, as it’s a personal tick of my own.

The movie continues and it shows Stacy Valentine calling her sister to tell her that she’s starting a new life. Steve Hatcher tells her to see a guy about making movies. Then we go through the motions of seeing what Tom Byron aka Billy Bob is up to. He is visited by Valentine’s sister, and Byron gives her a few pick up lines. She then succumbs to his guile, and she starts to blow him.

Alyssa Love and Tom Byron have sex on a makeshift bed outside, and it starts with a simple blow job. There’s some instrumental rock going on for this one, and Alyssa Love is a brunette with a blonde streak in her hair. She’s partially shaved, and she looks like the girl next door type, with an all natural, young body. Byron goes in with her slowly, not going too hard or fast for the opening of the sex. Eventually they go into standing doggy and he starts to go a little faster, but at the same time doesn’t go deep, allowing for the camera to catch the insertion. There’s not a lot to this sex scene, and the two don’t have a lot of chemistry. It just feels very mechanical, and even the moaning is a little bit off. Yes, it works, Byron gets it up, Love goes through the motions, but it’s obvious that the two are just phoning it in for the most part. Eventually, Byron needs to cum and gets up on the bed and drops a load onto Alyssa Love. He cums on her tongue, and Love just receives it, and that’s that. After he finishes, she blows him a little more, and that is a saving grace to the scene.

The scene ends, and we are back to just kissing and talking. Then Love snitches on Stacy and where she’s staying.

We go forward to see Stacy Valentine in an office with Ron Jeremy. He says that he wants to work with Stacy, and that’s where Davia Ardell comes in. The two will start to have sex in this scene.

Stacy Valentine and Davia Ardell have lesbian sex in an office. This is supposed to be the casting couch, and it shows off both blondes that have very large augmented breasts go at it. The two are very similar in the way that they look, size, shape, and pubic hair. There’s a lot of oral on this one, moaning, and quivering, using fingers, and a process of lesbian sex that you’d expect from heterosexual directors. They seem to enjoy the process throughout, and you get to see Ron Jeremy watching a little. The set here is a casting couch set, with Jeremy using an older style camera to capture the footage, which the director pans to from time to time. Overall, however, it’s Valentine doing a lot of the action, giving you a lesson in how to give a woman oral pleasure. This is just the women having sex, and that’s it, the end comes through and we go back to the apartment from before.

In the apartment the hippies just talk about how the future. Things are somewhat normal, the hippy house is dark, and Hatcher is playing a bass guitar. Stacy is given an offer to stay but she decides to go to a movie set where she’s going to be in a science fiction movie.

On the movie set we see Davia Ardell talking to the director, and he’s playing an Ed Wood of sorts. There’s another guy that is in frame that is looking like Bela Lugosi. It’s funny to see. This is a scene that features an Ed Wood looking scenario. This is a hilarious send up to Ed Wood, and I had a good laugh at how it was playing out.

The next scene features Davia Ardell and Jonathan Morgan having sex. It starts with a blow job, and then moves into full blown sex, with Jonathan Morgan pretending to be Ed Wood, which is funny to say the least. Davia Ardell has the body so similar to Stacy Valentine’s that I almost thought it was her. She’s got different hair and hands, but the rest seems similar, and this scene showcased enough of that. Davia Ardell goes in for a blow job, and the two commence with having sex on set of a movie. The scene is adequate, with Ardell moaning a lot and Morgan going at it from behind, using his knees to and torso to dive into the Ardell’s waiting pelvis. The two go through a few positions, but since they are outdoors, there’s not a lot to it. There’s no condom use here, and the music is a psychedelic push that isn’t half bad, it’s just instrumentals that loop after a while with some nice guitar work. Morgan stays up for the challenge and does nearly all the work wearing sunglasses, as Ardell receives every push forward. After a great deal of pumping, Morgan cums on Davia Ardell’s face, and that’s the end. This isn’t a huge money shot at all, but it is functional, for the sequence.

There’s a quick cut to Billy Bob driving a truck and he says he’s coming to save Stacy. Then we go back to the scene of the movie being filmed, and it features Julian and Vince Vouyer in grass skirts calling for Congo, the ape. This is supposed to be a monster flick like King Kong, but it is beyond hilarious to see how it works out. When the frame starts it shows that the director is “Dead Wood”, which is a nice tribute. The two guys run into a hut and take out Stacy Valentine to sacrifice to the big ape, and you get a King Kong looking sequence which isn’t terrible, but it’s definitely low budget and just hilarious to see. They put in a midget stunt double and Congo picks her up and takes her away from the scene, and that’s it. After a few moments we see Stacy Valentine come out and the scene ends.

Meanwhile at the psychedelic pad of Steve Hatcher we see the hippy couple surrounded in smoke. Billy Bob shows up and is shocked to see what is going on. Bob asks where Stacy is, and eventually they give her information and Billy Bob runs out ending the scene.

Moving right along Ed Wood’s parody says that the movie is a wrap. The two guys then ask Stacy to come with them so that they can show her a few moves. They then go into a hut where there’s a bed in place, and they start to work through a few kinks.

Stacy Valentine immediately starts blowing Julian, and Vince Vouyer. Vouyer isn’t hard immediately, but Julian gets it up first, and that’s what Stacy really focuses on to start. However, within a few minutes of tugging along, Vince gets up too. It’s always awkward to see male stars tugging and not hard ready to go, but this one worksout well enough because within a few minutes Vince Vouyer sticks it into Stacy without a condom, and just pushes through with gusto. There are a few position changes before long, and the guys switch up. Vouyer lays down while Julian goes in from behind, and the two exchange positions, and partner up to go through various holes. At one point I almost caught a boom mic around the 1 hour and 12 minute mark and that’s funny to me. This is a standard sex scene at times, with Stacy moaning, psychedelic music coming through, and the hut set looking like a Tikki Bar. Fans of Stacy Valentine will love her double teamed here, especially with two facials here. First Vince drops a load on her face, then Julian follows up. I was expecting a double penetration spot, but that didn’t happen. When the guys cum, she gives them one last blow, which is always sexy, and that’s the end of this sex scene. It’s not very long, mind you, but it works out well enough, with Stacy seeming to enjoy herself in this one overall.

After the sex is over, Billy Bob shows up and tries to steal Stacy Valentine. However, as he tries to take her away, Steve Hatcher the hippy shows up and knocks out Billy Bob. The two kiss and get into the Mustang and Stacy says, “This time I’m going to give you a little piece of my heart”, and that’s the end of the showcase.

I give “A Little Piece of My Heart” a 3 out of 5.

Overall, Stacy Valentine is one of my favorite starlets from the mid-1990s. In this movie, she does a lot. Don’t get me wrong, her acting is good, she has a magnetism to her role, but the overall sex, and plotting is a bit off, and kind of boring. Without her pushing things forward, and more fascinating sex, it’s just another release. I will admit, there are a couple of good sex scenes, but that doesn’t get it past the 3 out of 5.

You can buy “A Little Piece of My Heart” on DVD or streaming for as little as $3.99 by clicking here.

Anal Professor (1996) Review

Anal Professor (1996) DVD Cover

Today on this blog we are going to go back to the year 1996. To a straight to VHS movie that has an interesting parody title, but moreover is far more sexual than anything you saw from mainstream Hollywood. The movie is none other than, “Anal Professor”. The best part of this movie is the music, which yields a mix of different piano, funk, and jazz tunes, amidst the obvious call to porno sex. The movie is not quite gonzo, but it might as well be, as the movie starts with a funny premise and then throws into a threeway within 2 minutes of starting. Either way, the movie stars Missy, Mickey G, Steve Hatcher, China Lee, Dave Hardman, Kyle Stone, Rick Masters, Nina Cherry, Stacy Valentine, and a couple of others. The movie is straight up sex, and all multiple people at a time. The music is pretty neat, but then again, that’s not why you’re watching this, are you?

The opening shows a scientist with a bubbling liquid, stating that he’s found something amazing, and that he now has to go and apply to the FDA for approval. He hands a beaker to his assistant, played by Missy, and then runs off.

Within seconds, Missy sees Mickey G and Steve Hatcher and decides to disrobe. The three start to kiss, and they start heading for a hospital bed that is conveniently located near the lab. They then start to take off their clothes, and start oral. Missy wears black lingerie, is a dirty blonde, has beautiful eyes, small breasts, and has a garter belt attached to stockings, and heels. She’s not shaved, but rather trimmed, and gets very wet for Mickey G to start. From there the scene just goes straight into sex with Mickey G starting things off and then Steve Hatcher getting a turn, no one using condoms for this scene. True to the title, there is some anal towards the end of this opening sequence. They both enter slowly, separately, and Missy moans with pleasure as both guys take turns with anal sex. At the 15 minute mark, however, this turns into a DP on Missy. Mickey G and Steve Hatcher DP Missy, and she seems to enjoy it for the most part, moaning and nearly screaming at one point. If you’re a fan of DP, here’s a scene for you, as it certainly is stellar in movement and work rate. Missy even asks to get choked at one point, which is rare for me on this blog, but it works well enough. The double continues until both guys start to finish and then they give you a money shot, all on Missy’s face, which isn’t terrible, but lacks the “quantity” that you’d expect from this type of finish. The music was the best part here. The guys here aren’t huge, and they aren’t shaved, but are cut, so that’s something, right?

After the sex scene, 4 scientists start talking about how this new formula will change all sex and desire forever. They call for a nurse, as three of the people are skeptical. They call in China Lee and tell the nurse that they have some Kool Aid for her to drink, and of course she goes for it. This of course causes her to get hyper sexual, and then, have a foursome with them.

Once the woman drinks, she wants to do all of the scientists, which never happens in real life, mind you. The scene then gets into the sex right away, even though the guys aren’t even hard yet. This scene features China Lee, Dave Hardman, Kyle Stone, Rick Masters, and Steve Hatcher. They all have lab coats, and start to undress. It’s a weird scene at first, because none of the guys are hard, and China Lee is trying to help them by sucking them off, but it is a lot of lukewarm response, with the exception of one guy who gets hard and then immediately goes into China Lee. She’s not wet or anything, but he goes forward, while the other guys are getting harder as she sucks on them. One guy is left out of camera frame for the most part, and he’s not hard at all, trying to get it up and looking painfully obvious that he’s not ready. Meanwhile the camera keeps going back to the sex, and China Lee starts to get wet, allowing the scene to progress a bit more. She moans a little, but not nearly as much as you’d expect. The set is a scientist’s office, with chalkboard and all. At around 36 minutes, there is a DP on China Lee and she seems to enjoy it, talking about how it feels good and moaning a bit louder. Meanwhile, the other guys are not hard, and they are seen trying to get erect, which is a sour spot for this scene. Overall, however, it works, and China Lee takes on two men in her at once for a good while taking turns between a few anal insertions. There is a DP in one hole at one point, with two in her anus, which I haven’t seen and reviewed for this blog yet, which is an interesting sight to see. This is normal now, but back then, it wasn’t as normal. It’s an interesting showcase, and well, I can’t speak to the pleasure, but it's hardcore. The show ends with China Lee taking money shots from the guys, and that’s the end.

The scene abruptly ends, then you get pushed into another moment in time. It starts with Nina Cherry drinking from a red solo cup and saying that she’s very horny. Then out come 3 science dorks, and sing, “hello”, before she takes off all of her clothes. Nina Cherry has vinyl boots on and has long hair, breast implants, and tanned skin. She looks a bit like China Lee, only a bit more Latin. This scene features Nina Cherry, Dave Hardman, Rick Masters, and Steve Hatcher. This is the same set as before. But instead of having four guys, there’s just three. But the same problem that plagued the other scene plagues this one, where only one guy seems to be getting hard, and the others are just not that into this process. It’s painfully obvious, until one guy finally just tries insertion, and the director has to cut and realign the shot. The cut is harsh, and then returns to Nina Cherry riding the only guy that is hard for this scene, and it’s not bad. She gets on top and goes for it, while the other guys just watch and try to get hard. This is a sad scene if you ask me, with lackluster music, and the fact that two guys can’t get it up. At around the 59 minute mark, however, things start to progress and all the guys start taking turns with anal, then get into a DP. The DP isn’t bad, but it’s far from good, as Nina Cherry moans through it, and just takes a lot of movement. It looks ok, and if you’re a fan of her than you’ll love to see her in this. One dude kept slipping out of anal, and the director moved to not show the blunders. This ends up with three guys finishing on Nina Cherry and that’s it. It’s a lackluster scene.

After this scene, we see one of the scientists outside with a jar of the secret potion. He wants to throw it away since it is dangerous to use. But he is convinced to not do so. The two walk back inside and there’s Stacy Valentine. She’s wearing a sun dress and just watches the two argue, until they give the girl a drink. This leads to sex, and it’s the main event, so to speak.

Stacy Valentine, Jonathan Morgan, and Steve Hatcher start to make out, and it’s a better scene than all of the others. The guys get hard immediately, and Stacy Valentine immediately goes for a blow job. She looks younger here, she doesn’t have her second breast implant surgery, and she seems enthused for the most part. There’s not a lot of foreplay with this scene, at around 1 hour and 8 minutes, one of the guys goes doggy style and Stacy sucks off another guy. She gets wet by using her fingers, and getting plowed to start. The smooth jazz has a strong bass line as she moans and the guys continue to build up a sweat. This is a scene that has a bit of gusto to it, and it shows that she definitely starts getting off by it, as she cums and tightens her body up when she does, as there are no condoms again. She’s trimmed not shaved, and this scene moves swiftly. Since it’s the final scene, there’s no filler here, and it is straight hardcore. The trio have sex on an orange couch, and one of the guys looks like Anders from “Workaholics”, which is kind of funny. The two dudes stay very hard, and Swift sweats through this one, until the two go for a DP. There’s an interesting moment at around 1 hour and 15 minutes where one of the guys is playing with Stacy Valentine’s clitoris and starts to do it with heavy fingers and you see her move his hands. It’s a weird blooper. He does this as he goes into her with anal. She stops him and then the camera switches angles. It’s a weird blooper. We go from a sweaty Stacy Valentine to a totally dry one, as the guys go back into anal, and then the main event, Stacy Valentine double penetration. That’s right, Stacy Valentine DP starts at around one hour and 17 minutes or so, and the two go all in with this one. This is a hardcore scene, but the director focuses on Stacy’s face and the insertions. She is not that into it, and it shows. I’m not sure why. She moans a bit, but she looks back at the camera as if the director is telling her something and she just kind of goes through the motions. After some time in this, the guys start jerking it and eventually finish on her face, and that’s it. Stacy Valentine gets two loads, and the movie goes to credits. I must say, she’s beautiful here, and if you erased the two dicks that are about to cum, you’d have one hell of a portrait of a lovely lady. Oh wait, this is porn, so you can’t erase that. They cum on her face, and that’s the end.

I give “The Anal Professor” a 2 out of 5.

The only reason I’d watch this, and I’m not sure that I will again is for the Stacy Valentine DP scene. That’s about it. Other than that, the premise is funny, but the execution isn’t that grand. It’s not a long movie, and it does have a good plot to it, but man, it’s not that fun to watch. I think I liked the idea of the movie more than the actual scenes. With only 4 scenes, and Stacy Valentine’s double penetration, this gets a 2 out of 5, but that’s about it.

You may like “The Anal Professor” and want it as part of your collection. If that’s true, then CLICK HERE, and see what this movie is all about. You may love it, I didn’t, but hey, I’m just a random dude on the internet. Stacy Valentine is always a dream girl, so get it to see her.