Let’s Talk Sex (1983) Review

Let's Talk Sex (1983) Updated Poster 

Once again we venture back into our time machine to visit another era of pornography. This happens a lot, since I tend to only pick moves that have plot, and something more than just gonzo sequences. I make exceptions here and there, but I’m only one man and I’m reviewing smut, and no one is reading. Today we venture back to 1983, a different year for everyone, and we are going to be discussing a movie that was directed by Paul G. Vatelli. This movie was distributed by Caballero Home Video, and it was no doubt seen on the big silver screen. With that in mind, let’s go forward to a movie that stars some big names. The movie is called, “Let’s talk Sex” and it was released in 1983. The stars of this movie include, Bridgette Monet, David Cannon, Pat Manning, Kevin James, Mona Page, Julia Parton, Mike Horner, Becky Savage, Kitten Natividad, Joy Larsen, Laurien Wilde, Melanie Scott, Tom Byron, and Herschel Savage. A big cast for a porno movie, but none the less, let’s take on this movie and see if it’s worth your time at all.

The movie starts with B-footage of what appears to be Downtown Los Angeles in the 1980s. There’s nothing too forward to talk about here, it’s just a nurse walking the streets alone. There’s some cat calling that occurs, and that’s it. The cat calling keeps going, but the nurse keeps walking. This nurse is a brunette in uniform, and that’s it, nothing crazy. She is walking home from her shift, and eventually makes it. She’s plain looking, brunette, thin body, small breasts, the 1980s uniform of a nurse, and she finally makes it to her house, where she can take off her hat, and settle in. We hear sirens in the background, and we see this woman walk through her home after work, assuming she’s single, and just going through the daily routine. Nothing fancy here, cinema more than a sexual romp begins this movie. I like that. We are shown what this woman is like, and within the standard of the sequence we see the lights go out. The lights go out, and it’s dark, our nurse hears something, and starts to walk towards the sound.

The nurse opens up a closet and she sees a random man in her bedroom! The man requests that she starts undressing, so she obliges. This is the start of a lot of horror movies, mind you. The woman starts to undress, and the music starts to get a bit more intense, like a 1980s slasher flick. She obliges, taking off her nurse’s uniform, lingerie, and shows off her nude body. He requests that she gets on her knees, and the music intensifies and we are taken to the sex within the first 10 minutes of this movie.

Bridgette Monet and David Cannon are the actors here. Bridgette is a girl next door type of woman, plain, and simple, while David Cannon looks like a home invader, and gets hard fast. Bridgette Monet starts to give him a blow job, and it’s nice and sensual as the music intensifies a little, mixing rock and new wave. Monet’s technique is actually pretty good, and the lighting is really dark here, except for the act. The two move to what appears to be a couch and there’s zebra print sheets on it. They engage in sex, with a couple of positions, but the film grain and lighting is so dark, it’s hard to tell what is going on. You can tell the movements, and the camera does let you in for a little bit of the sex, but it’s mostly a lot of outer camera angles with lackluster lighting. Maybe there’s a remastered edition of this, but my digital copy is still dark. The two have some boring sex, and it really isn’t much to write about. It’s not the worst sex scene I’ve seen, but it’s far from the best, and I do mean far. The scene ends with Monet blowing Cannon.

The end of the scene is odd. We see Cannon pick up a phone and he is talking to a woman. We find out that he’s been alone the whole time, he’s been talking to a sex chat line, and that’s it. There’s no nurse, there’s nothing strange, it’s a phone sex fantasy that we’ve been seeing. The movie sends us to a call center where there’s women answering phones and it’s sex talk. The women start talking about their work, and that’s it. Nothing crazy. They talk about how going out with a customer is not possible, etc.

The movie continues and we are taken to a random house where a woman is going to take a bath. She tells her husband or some random dude that she’s going to the bath, and that’s it. We see a woman taking a bath. She has short hair, small breasts, long legs, and a thin frame. A woman straight out of 1983, that’s for certain. She starts to pleasure herself in the bathtub with bubbles when we see the man peaking in to see what she’s doing. This guy looks like Scott Baio, by the way. The bubbles get in the way of seeing any of the action, but our voyeur is getting a full view of the action. She continues to play with herself until we see the man leave and call a phone sex line.

During the phone sex, he talks about the fantasy that he has. He talks about the woman in the tub, and then we are taken to the two getting involved. Pat Manning and Kevin James start to make out, they are both nude and they get into the tub together. They move away from the tub and out to a patio, and that’s where we see more of the woman and of course James. The woman is not fit, she’s older, and is not shaved. That’s not to say it’s bad, but she’s a true milf before the word was ever invented. The lighting is good here, and you see them having sex outdoors, with multiple positions. There’s a rock instrumental underneath this, and it’s literally just the two having sex, nothing too crazy. You don’t hear a lot of the moaning or anything, as the music is louder. The film grain is here, and it truly looks like a 1980s low budget sex movie. There’s no condoms, no one is shaved, and the two just seem to be looking for a rhythm for the most part. After a few positions, Pat Manning rolls over for a blow job and then James finishes, and that’s it. It’s an ok sex scene, but it’s definitely lacking some gusto. The two work ok together, but when the music is better than the sex, there’s something problematic about what is going on.

The scene ends and we are taken to a warehouse. We see Mike Horner calling the sex line and focusing on getting some action from the fantasy line. He asks for two girls this time, and we are taken to a room where there’s two women. He lets out his fantasy and we are taken to the office where he is in the center of two women.

The camera moves towards the office and we see Mona Page, Julia Parton, and Mike Horner engaging in oral sex. Horner has a serious mustache for this one, and the two women are brunettes. Two brunettes with all natural bodies, pubic hair, and all. They are thin, one has larger breasts than the other, and one has a bikini tan line. The music is jazzy, with a spark of saxophone and a little electric guitar, and the sex is slow and steady. The lighting and camera work is not that good as the trio have sex on top of a desk. They eventually get to a blow job where Mike Horner eventually cums into the faces of the two women, and that’s it. Horner finishes, and the camera hard cuts to an exterior shot of a house. Not a great sex scene, mind you, mired by a lack of chemistry between the actors.

As we move forward we see a woman undress in her own home. She calls a sex line and starts to discuss the fantasy a little. It’s with this that we get a little departure from the past solution, as we now get a lesbian scene.

For this scene we get Becky Savage and Kitten Natividad doing phone sex. The two are not together, they are in separate rooms masturbating with a phone in their ears. One woman is using the phone to masturbate. They are both a bit older, with full pubic mounds, not shaved, and just writhe around with pleasure for the viewer. The lighting is once again darkened, and there’s a bit of moaning to accompany the sounds of smooth electric guitar riffs. It’s like going back in time to have sex, there’s no shaving, there’s just hair, and wetness, and two women getting themselves off. Of course, this may be Joy Larsen and Laurien Wilde, I’m not sure. It’s two women solo, and they are both brunettes, that’s all I can say about this one.

We move to another home, and this time we see Melanie Scott and Tom Byron hanging out. Melanie Scott is a thin, tan, blonde haired woman that looks like the girl next door from 1983. She has a full pubic mound, and Tom Byron looks very much like Mark Wahlberg did when he was first discovered in boogie nights. The two start to slowly kiss and then go to oral. There’s romantic piano music here, and the director shoots from various angles, allowing you to see everything that is going on. It’s not a terrible scene, mind you, it’s just a slow moving sexual romp that is more akin to making love than it is to anything you’d expect from porno. It’s sensual, it has climaxes, and it’s a straight forward shot through sex, no clips or cuts from what I can tell. If you like slow moving, multiple position sex with a climax that features a cum shot, then here you go. It works, it’s serviceable, but it’s lackluster in a lot of ways. I can understand why this was shown as it works for the movie’s plot and work, but other than that, it’s a lackluster sex scene.

The next scene shows Laurien Wilde asking a man to go out with her. They want to go out and meet at a bar. They make the date, and we see things go down at a bar. It’s dimly lit, there’s a pool table, there’s some contemporary music, and it looks like any other low budget made for cable horror flick. Laurien Wilde and Herschel Savage go from the bar to the house, and they just hang out a little before deciding to call the phone sex line.

After the call begins, we start to see Laurien Wilde and Herschel Savage engage in oral sex. There’s a nice rock tune coming through, when Laurien Wilde gets to work with Savage. Laurien is a thin, tall, natural woman that looks a lot like the girl next door at an upscale apartment building. She’s attractive, and could probably teach middle school right out of college, that type of look. She has long black hair, and services Savage quite well. She’s all natural, and Savage is too, the two have some decent chemistry, a bit of moaning, and they go through the motions. This is all done on a brown couch, with dark lighting, and several positions. There’s no speed here, they take their time, they work with one another and it is once again akin to making love, it’s that gentle overall. The finish comes with Savage letting go on Wilde’s face as she blows him, the director decides to go with slow motion for the finish. The call ends, the sex ends, and of course, the movie ends here as well.

I give “Let’s Talk Sex” a 2 out of 5.

The only saving grace of this movie is that it’s shot on film and has a plot and musical prowess. Other than that, this is a terrible, movie that has not aged well at all. I was astonished how bad some of it was, even though there was some interesting sex going on. It’s interesting on a historical level, not really going to turn you on at all, unless you love 1980s, slow moving, love making. If that’s your thing, then you’ll love this one.

You can purchase "Let's Talk Sex" on DVD by Clicking Here, and if you act fast, you can get a second movie all in the same set. Not bad for some 1980s porno action. 

Poonies (1985) Review

The Poonies (1985) Poster

I’m not always a fan of parody porno movies, but here and there they come into my queue for review and I have to review them. That’s exactly what is going down today, a review of a parody from 1985. So we go into our time machine, and go back to 1985 where the porno was different, and there were a lot more stories involved. In the case of this movie, we are going to be seeing a collection of stars in one place for a movie called, “Poonies”, a parody of “The Goonies”. The director here is Bruce Seven, and the distributor is Vivid Video. The stars of this movie include Amber Lynn, Peter North, Heather Wayne, Marc Wallice, Sharon Mitchell, Kevin James, Ted Wilson, Bionca, Herschel Savage, and Ami Rogers. Is this a good one to check out? Will you enjoy it? I don’t know, let’s find out when we venture back to 1985 to watch, the movie entitled, “Poonies”.

The starting point of this movie features the credits and an old Vivid Video Logo, which is awesome to see. We see Ginger Lynn walking into a farm wearing a mini-skirt, blue beret, and we hear someone singing. It’s hilarious to hear, as it’s a legit song. I don’t know who sings it, but it’s classic 1980s style music. “The Poonies are the way they are now”, wow. Anyways, the movie rolls the credits and we see clips from the interior of the ranch that people are on, and we see people walking around, and going from different locations. This was shot on film, and it shows, there’s a film grain to it, and it’s quite interesting to see overall. There’s a full list of people involved with this movie, it’s not just a random budgeted movie, this was played in theaters, and it shows from the starting line to the interior of the movie. I can imagine myself at the Pussycat Theater watching this one, and it’s a classic venture back to a different time.

The movie starts and we see Peter North and Amber Lynn stating that they have a meeting with the Poonies later. The two look at each other in a motel looking room, and they start to kiss. Amber Lynn kisses Peter North and starts to moan before taking out his package. Amber Lynn is a blonde haired woman with small breasts, good curves, and a slight tan. She immediately goes down on Peter North, and he’s not hard yet, but he grows as per usual. There’s a blow job sequence with romantic music, and the two switch positions to a point where Amber gets head as much as Peter does, but the director decides to change things up.

The director leaves the action to show Heather Wayne and Marc Wallice talking. Heather Wayne’s teeth are bad here, she’s a dirty blonde that looks a bit older. Marc Wallice is young, wears a cowboy hat and weird looking vest. A 1980s techno beat starts and Heather Wayne kisses Marc Wallice, and as the camera zooms out we realize that they are both nude. Wayne has dark pubic hair, the two are in the den of a badly designed condo, with terrible carpeting, next to a brick fireplace. Wallice starts with oral on Heather Wayne and she responds nicely to it. After a few minutes the two switch places and she gets on her knees to blow Wallice. It’s not a bad blow job by any means, but there’s a lot of hair here, and she works well with what she has, but Wallice isn’t huge. There’s a nice shot of Wayne bent over, which is lovely, but the director cuts.

The director hard cuts back to Peter North and Amber Lynn having sex. They are in doggy style by the time the camera switches and it’s not too bad of a scene. Lynn moans a great deal as North goes all in with a mechanical rush of blood, and romantic music as the backdrop. The two continue to have sex, and it’s not a bad scene, but it’s also not too sexy, as there’s some blocking and they are on a waterbed.

Another hard cut occurs and the director goes back to Heather Wayne and Marc Wallice having sex. I hate when directors do this, but I’m sure it’s because porno theaters didn’t want their patrons masturbating during the film, so they cut the sex scenes shorter and switch between hardcore shows, right? I don’t know. Wallice and Wayne are doing it reverse cowgirl and the camera shows off the moves. At one point Marc picks up Wayne and gives her a standup ride, which is impressive.

Right when you get impressed, we are taken to another hard cut. This cut sends us to reverse cowgirl with Amber Lynn and Peter North. After some time in the sex, things stop and North cums, although it’s not a big cum shot, and Amber Lynn finishes him off with a hand job.

Hard cut again and we are back with Marc Wallice and Heather Wayne in doggy style. After some back and forth traction here Wallice can’t hold on and cums on Wayne’s back and that’s it. He’s sweaty, they kiss, and the two smile afterwards. The camera fades and we are taken to a meeting of the Poonies up next.

So we get into a meeting of the Poonies and they discuss how their house is being taken by the bank. It’s that simple. Then they find out that the owner of the house has been kidnapped! They talk about finding an old treasure map, and then it’s shown off, etc. the story now features the Poonies trying to find their lost guy, and figure out how to save their house. A sense of adventure! The story of Poonies starts and we go ahead with more information.

We move along to another scene, after the Poonies have their meeting. It features Sharon Mitchell talking to Kevin James. Sharon ties up James, and then starts to strip in front of him. Sharon Mitchell has a thin body, short 1980s hair, a big nose, big facial features, and a round butt that’s quite good. She looks like a mom from the 1980s with a tight body, and it’s quite interesting to see. There’s a deep bass line, music starts, and Sharon Mitchell gets on her knees to blow Kevin James. The director shows a bit of the insertion to start, and the two start to have sex, but then there’s a hard cut, bugging the hell out of me.

The cut goes back to the Poonies meeting, and they all discuss a crazy lady, whom they elude is Sharon Mitchell. They are going to investigate and figure out what is going on and where their landlord is based on the map. Then we see a little strip tease with Ginger Lynn before the camera cuts back to the sex.

Back in a basement looking area we see Kevin James and Sharon Mitchell in reverse cowgirl. There’s no condoms, no one is shaved, and this is mechanical in nature. The two go through several positions, and it’s not a terrible sequence with the music, but in the middle of the sex another hard cut occurs!

With a hard cut we are taken to the den of the previous scene only this time we see Ginger Lynn, Heather Wayne, and Ted Wilson engaging in oral. The trio go through some positions of sex, and there’s a saxophone jazz tune in this one. Ginger Lynn is the star here, as she gets into the sex a lot more than Wayne at this point, and it seems as though Ted Wilson isn’t complaining at all as he goes all in with Lynn.

The director hard cuts from doggy style and we are sent back to the basement where Sharon Mitchell is having sex with Kevin James still. She moans a little and the two are working up a sweat, and it’s not too bad here. James asks his lover to give him a hand job and that’s it. The end of this scene.

After the sex, the camera cuts to the Poonies dorking around the compound. Nothing special here, no music just the actors going around some ranch.

Meanwhile, Bionca and Herschel Savage are in a room together and they start to make out for what seems like no reason. They start to make out a bit, then Bionca goes down to give savage a blow job. The two end up in a 69 position, and it gets hot fast. Bionca is a new comer to the porn world with this movie, and she’s a brunette with a thin body, small breasts, and not shaved. She has tan lines, and looks young here. Savage gets into the sex fast, and the two workout well together, moving and grinding with no condom, and it’s not a bad scene until the camera cuts!

The camera cuts and we see the Poonies with Sharon Mitchell. Mitchell has a shot gun pointed at them, and they are all busted. Sharon Mitchell asks them to start making out and get naked, which they oblige.

But then the camera cuts again and we are back with Bionca and Herschel Savage having sex in that crappy motel looking room. It’s actually pretty good sex, all things considered and the two really work as though they are trying to get off well. The camera watches you see two people really having sex, and it seems really good, every movement and the overall cumming of Bionca and moaning is great. This is the type of sex you’d want to have, and I’m enthralled. A great sequence of sex is hard to find in 1980s releases, but this works very well and the two are legitimately passionate about the sex, with Bionca riding on top and Savage going as hard as he can with her in rhythm.

There’s a hard cut and we are taken to a blow job occurring in the basement. This is where Mitchell has commanded the Poonies to get into the action together. With this sex scene we see Sharon Mitchell with Peter North, Ami Rodgers and Marc Wallice all having sex in the same room. This is a clumsy group sex scene with the director not really knowing what to point towards, so he just kind of gives you a random glance at the blow jobs that are occuring here and there. Nothing really crazy here. Both women are brunettes, but Ami Rodgers has large breasts, and they are all natural.

A swift cut from the director and we see reverse cowgirl with Savage and Bionca, and it’s back to passionate sex. If you could just splice their scene together for the sex it showcases an amazing sequence. It’s the best sex scene I’ve seen in a long time.

A hard cut again and I’m annoyed, but we are back to the four some, and it’s your traditional sex scene. One couple is doing it sideways, another is doing doggy and that’s it. This goes on for some time before both guys can’t hold on and cum on the women and that’s it. They just cum and that’s all she wrote, so to speak. They are all sweaty, they seem to have been spent in this one, and it’s not a bad scene, mind you, it’s just not great either. The camera work is clumsy, the sex is lazy, and it’s mechanical at best.

Everyone puts their clothes back on and the cowboy dude grabs a shotgun and is told it’s not loaded.

We are taken to another scene, and here we see Bionca, Ginger Lynn, and Heather Wayne making out after Ginger Lynn masturbates. The scene turns into a threeway lesbian sex scene. It’s an easy, simple scene with lots of oral, fingers, and a rockin beat. I hate using the word traditional to describe these scenes sometimes, but there’s not much to it. Two of the three women are really into this one, and the other is just going along for the most part. The director must’ve told them to just go at it. Ginger Lynn is nearly upside down with her legs up in the air at one point which is a unique visual, but other than that, this is a simple, and sometimes mundane sex scene with a lot of blocking. If you like watching women give oral, then you’ll like this one for sure.

After the sex, we see Ginger Lynn answering the phone and finding out that the crew has been kidnapped and held against their will and that she needs to come rescue them. So that’s where she goes, to see where they are at.

Ginger Lynn finally shows up and finds Kevin James all tied up. She unties him and they start to talk, before they kiss. Ginger Lynn and Kevin James start to make out, and she gets on her knees to give oral. Ginger Lynn here has curly hair, and is in her prime, while Kevin James soaks up all of the work that Lynn gives him. He goes all in with her, no condom, and Lynn moans a bit, looks back at him, and really gets into the sex. It’s not a terrible scene, mind you, but it is not Lynn’s best. James is adequate at best, but he’s far from Lynn’s best partner and it shows through the sex scene. At the 1 hour and 11 minute mark, things speed up a little and Lynn moans a bit more, but it’s obvious that she’s not that into it, and you can tell that James is trying his best to keep his hard on, only to cum into Lynn’s mouth.

After this scene, we are taken to the ranch where the Poonies are found safe and sound. The story ties up and they get to keep their home, and end it all with a big orgy that features everyone in the cast. There’s an orgy that features Ami Rodgers, Bionca, Ginger Lynn, Heather Wayne, Sharon Mitchell, Herschel Savage, Kevin James, Marc Wallice, Peter North, and Ted Wilson. Everyone gets naked here and just goes to town. There’s no rhyme or reason for this, and we get the Poonies theme song going again. It’s a trope that is in a lot of 1980s movies that were sent to porno theaters. The orgy is a mix of sex with multiple partners, and nothing really stands out for me. There’s not a lot of sound, the music takes over, but there are several cum shots and several sex endings, so maybe that’s something to consider? Overall, not a great scene, but not a terrible one either. It’s an orgy with bad direction, lousy music, and all of the stars, so it’s functional, but it’s scatter brained as well.

I give “Poonies” a 2 out of 5.

Despite my attraction to Ginger Lynn, this is a terrible movie that has only one saving grace, being a parody of “The Goonies”, movie which is a classic. If you are a collector and must see all of the parodies or want to watch all Ginger Lynn movies, here you go, another one to add to your collection. Otherwise, you probably won’t care to see this one often. Although, Herschel Savage and Bionca do a great job in their scene, which can be deemed a classic if you ask me.

Black To The Future (1987) Review

Black To The Future (1987) Cover

After taking a little time away to watch and write more for this site, we are back. Today we are going to be firing up our time machine for porno and going to a movie that parodies one of my favorite movies of all time. That’s right, we are going to be reviewing “Black to The Future”. This movie came out in 1987, and it is a parody porno from the 1980s, and it makes fun of “Back to the Future”. This is not to be confused with the other parodies that I’ve talked about for this site, as this is a completely different parody from a different studio, with different actors. This movie is directed by Charlie Diamond, and was distributed by Vidco Entertainment. “Black to the Future” stars Tish Ambrose, Buddy Love, Frank James, Robbie Dee, Kristara Barrington, Melissa Melendez, Erica Boyer, and Herschel Savage. You’ll recognize a few of these actors from other movies, and some new comers as well. This was made in 1987, so you may find that the tropes that come from that era are alive and well.

The movie starts with a four way sex scene. This first sex scene features Tish Ambrose, Buddy Love, Frank James, and Robbie Dee. Tish Ambrose is a pretty blonde haired woman with naturally wavy hair, red stockings, and heels on. She has B cups if I can gauge them correctly, and takes turn with 3 guys, all of whom are hard for this one. Each one takes turn in what seems like a trash bag set. The walls are made of black vinyl, there’s a blow up doll in the corner, and the focus is on her and the sex at hand. She moans a bit, and at one point there is a slow down in the erections, which is funny, but for the most part, the guys are into it, and she seems to like the process as well. After some switching, there’s a point where there’s anal action, and that’s an interesting turn. Overall, however, this is a fast paced, odd sex scene with a lot of moaning, and some limp penises here and there. I hate to see a porn actor struggle, but it happens here and there. Ambrose takes a lot in this scene, and it’s not half bad, but it’s just hardcore, without feeling, and feels mechanical at times. That’s all I can really say about this one, it’s mechanical, with an odd set, and music that comes in and out here and there. There is anal focused on towards the 10 minute mark, so if you’re a fan of interracial anal, it happens here, and it makes Ambrose scream when it happens. After some back and forth, and weird things going on in the background, the guys cum, and that’s the end, they all cum on her, and she smiles, and the camera has a hard cut to a telephone.

On the telephone there’s a punk girl that answers a call from a professor. She says that payment can be made now that the fantasy has been fulfilled. The woman smiles, and we go back to the sex scene a bit, but then the woman picks up the phone and starts to dial away. She’s in crazy make up and a wig. She calls an android, and there’s a weird voice on the other line. The plot is found out here. We see the punk chick is an alien, and she is conducting an experiment in human sexuality to find out what is going on with humanoids, etc. She answers the phone, and as the camera pulls back, we see that’s she is nude. She gives people fantasies, and that’s what this seems to be. There’s no costs, apparently, and there’s a location where people show up and enjoy the fantasy world of sex.

There’s a hard camera cut and we hear some futuristic music. The only thing that I can say about this is that it has the name credentials of a parody, but the plot is nothing like the movie it’s making fun of. The hard cut takes us to a pin super futuristic car. This thing looks like something out of hot wheels, mind you. Inside of the car is a bed, and it’s a really cool set to look at. A woman shows up and gets into the car, and our alien starts to drive it and away we go. A bunch of smoke comes through and we are taken to a new place. It’s here that we see a sexual romp occur. An Asian woman asks about if a dude is really hung, and then there we go forward.

In what appears to be a speak easy, we see Kristara Barrington and Buddy Love start with a blow job. There’s romantic saxophone music playing underneath, Buddy Love wears a cap and sunglasses, and watches Barrington blow him in a speakeasy. This is just a blow job scene from what I can gather as the two don’t really get into sex. There’s a cut from the camera back to the phone room, and that’s where go next.

The camera cuts to what is supposed to be ancient Egypt. Here we see a random ddue having sex with a blow up doll. I kid you not. There’s some bass heavy music, and it’s a guy on a leopard print rug having sex with a blow up doll! He then cums on it, and that’s this scene. As he starts to cum, the woman becomes real, although the scene switches between different elements. This is supposed to be Melissa Melendez and Frank James, mind you.

The camera cuts, and we are taken to a fireplace, in a den. Here we see Kristara Barrington and Buddy Love going back to oral. This is obviously where we are going to see some sex, right? We do get a little bit of doggy style, but it doesn’t last that long. It’s a basic scene if you ask me, and no real romance or passion. It’s mechanical, Barrington barely moans until towards the finish line, and Buddy Love doesn’t seem to be that aroused at first, so it’s just a standard mechanical sex scene with no real payoff. Barrington is an Asian lady, by the way, with black hair, and a thin frame.

The camera cuts and we are back to Melissa Melendez and Frank James having sex. It’s supposed to be Cleopatra, mind you, but the set is completely cheap and funny to look at. The sex is fine here, mechanical as ever, but the director decides to cut back to Love and Barrington.

Buddy Love cums on Kristara Barrington and that’s it. There was a hard cut to this, and we see the finale of their sex scene. I do not understand why directors do this, but it’s the most annoying thing about 1980s porno movie editing if you ask me.

The camera cuts again and this time we are back to see Melissa Melendez and Frank James in doggy style, going for anal. It’s not a bad sex scene, Melissa Melendez has the face of Katy Perry, but lacks the big breasts, and is dolled up with gold and other elements from Egypt. Frank James cums on Melendez’s face and she turns to the camera and asks, “are you sure this is how Elizabeth Taylor got started”? Then we get a hard cut to the next scene.

We see Erica Boyer get into the bright pink car, and she is looking great. Boyer is a blonde haired rock star type, and she has black pumps and a sports jersey as she gets into the back of the pink time machine. Meanwhile, we see Herschel Savage talking to the camera and he says that he should be the director, and that’s it.

Two women come into the scene, and we’re back to that original set with the trash bag walls. Tish Ambrose and Erica Boyer start to kiss. Ambrose has the pink punk hair and the looks from the phone call set that was shown earlier. Boyer and Ambrose start to have sex, in a passionate lesbian scene that features a lot of fingers, oral, and much more. There’s a vibrator introduced at one point, and something that is somewhat simple to see and focus on overall. The scene isn’t half bad, the two work up a good sweat and they use the vibrator, fingers, and more to full effect. After some orgasms from the vibrator, Herschel Savage shows up and starts to get into the mix.

In the progression from the scene, we see Herschel Savage take on Erica Boyer. Boyer takes it all in, and the two have sex on the floor of the set. It’s mainly one position for the most part, Boyer doesn’t really moan much, and the two just go straight through the sex. Eventually Savage cums on Boyer’s face, and that’s it. It’s mechanical, there’s barely any moaning, it’s short, and the rock instrumental in the backdrop sucks. Boyer is left on the floor with the director zooming into her face, and the sex is done, the sound stops, and we just see a blur occur.

After this sex scene, we see our punk haired woman talking about how they have completed the science experiment. The movie ends, the credits roll, and that’s the end of this one.

I give “Black To The Future” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps one of the worst porno movies I’ve ever seen. However, I really liked the car, and the interior of the car. The rest of the movie is awful, with no good passionate sex scene, but there is a little creativity here and there. Other than that, I can’t really give this a good grade. It’s interesting for collectors and for a good laugh amongst friends, so there’s that.

If you want to check out "Black to the Future" from 1987, you can do so by clicking HERE to stream it for as little as $3.99! Also, sign up and get 15 minutes FREE so you can see how cool the car is, and how the sex in this movie is. 

Nasty Nurses (1983) Review

Nasty Nurses (1983) Poster 

After dipping into the modern world of porno, I wanted to go back to the past, and that’s where we are today. We are going all the way back to 1983. This movie was definitely one of the many features that were shown on the big screen, and it stars a great deal of people that were part of the greater porn industry in the 1980s. It’s a straight forward sexual movie, and it has all the trappings of what you’d expect from that era, from natural breasts, to natural pubic hair, to interesting music selections for the sex. The movie is also on film grain, and it is painfully obvious that it was meant for a theater, not home video. This movie is called “Nasty Nurses” and it is from 1983. It stars Janey Robbins, Herschel Savage, Becky Savage, Paul Thomas, John Holmes, Misty Dawn, Kimberly Carson, David Sanders, Dominique, Paul Baressi, and Kay Parker. This is a who’s who list of porno actors from the 1980s, and the only one missing seems to be Ron Jeremy.

The opening sequence is of a hospital exterior, with the credits rolling. We then move to the interior and within a few minutes we are getting into the sex.

Janey Robbins and Herschel Savage start making out in a room inside the hospital. Robbins is a brunette with natural breasts, tanned skin, and a dirty mouth. Herschel Savage is your every man at this point, and he gets into the action fast, getting hard and then getting oral from Robbins, before he starts giving her oral on a hospital bed. The two keep up the dirty talk as the scene progresses and showcases exactly what you’d expect from sex in the 1980s porno world. The camera and lighting are a bit dim, the music is classic 1980s synth rock. The dirty talk is terrible, and the two don’t share a lot of charisma to be honest. The sex starts and it’s not bad. The two have a bit of a struggle to start, but eventually Savage just goes in deep putting Robbin’s leg up nearly over her head to get more leverage. There’s a focus on missionary position at one point, then the two start to go faster and the camera kind of shows off what is going on here and there, full bush, no condoms. Eventually the two go into doggy style, and all the while Robbins keeps her stockings on. The two have sex for a while before she starts to blow Savage for the ending. He eventually cums and Robbins uses her hands to get every ounce out before kissing and licking up Savage’s body. Not a bad opening scene, but only about 10 minutes long, with a focus on a few positions that’s all.

The scene fades to black then comes back. It’s the two waking up in a hospital bed together needing to get back to work. Herschel Savage is a doctor here, and we’re left to assume that Janey Robbins is a nurse. The doctor goes through the hallways and then gets to work. There’s a bit of good acting here, and the camera follows the doctor as he talks to others in the hallway. We find that the doctor is a surgeon, and yells at one of the administrators on his way to rounds. The set here is 100% real, it is a full hospital setting, and the acting is far better than anything I’ve seen in the 1990s for this site thus far. The sets, the sound, the acting, the background, and everything comes together as a “movie” not just a porno. Even the wardrobe is good here. It’s fascinating to say the least.

The story moves forward with the nurses talking about whether or not our main character nurse wants to move to a new job. They start gossiping, and then you get to the nurses changing room. There’s some gossip in there and they all start talking about who is dating who and the likes. It’s like an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy”, with a focus on the larger story. The hospital may be shutting down, and everyone is worried about what could very well be next for the crew.

Moving forward we are taken to where a nurse is massaging a patient. The nurse says that she is in charge and that the patient has to take orders from her. He starts to feel up the nurse, and the 1980s new wave music starts to work through. But before anything could happen, rounds begin with several doctors coming in to talk about what injuries he has. I cannot express how well the acting is in this movie, compared to nearly all other pornos from the 1990s. You had to act, which is kind of cool. The doctors leave and the nurse leaves for a moment. She looks down the hallway and then closes the door, and locks it. The music comes back and you know what is going to happen next, right?

Becky Savage and Paul Thomas start to work through a passionate nurse and patient sex scene. I have a thing for nurses, so this whole movie concept is interesting to me. Becky Savage is a thin, pale, brunette with short hair and a 1980s nurses outfit. The two start to caress and kiss, and this leads to removing clothing, but slowly. The nurse gets on her knees and starts blowing Paul Thomas and he’s a bit larger than your average male. He starts to thrust into the nurses mouth and keeps wondering if he’s going to get in trouble. While he gets blown he uses his hands up the nurse’s skirt, and this scene really takes off. Not all clothing comes off here, and the end is just Thomas cumming onto Becky Savage’s face, and that’s it. The scene ends with just a blow job, and it’s a good one. No nurse has ever treated me that good, that’s for sure. For a blow job scene, it’s quite good.

The movie then goes back to the drama of the story. The doctor and his nurse are talking and they are wondering if this is the last day for the hospital. A lot of time is spent building the next part of the plot. As far as movies are concerned, I can see why these pornos have so much plot. The reason for this was because they were shown in porno theaters and you wanted to have more than just pure sex. I personally don’t like gonzo movies, so I appreciate the time taken to build a full story around the porn that is being shot. I won’t go into detail with every single thing that is said, but it’s a main story of complaining patients, a possible shutdown of the hospital, and nurses trying to keep everything in order.

After some discourse we move to the next sex scene. The sex scene features Misty Dawn and John Holmes, yes that John Holmes. There’s a slick 1980s tune that starts, and Holmes immediately takes Dawn’s panties off. She’s not shaved. She’s petite, has curly brunette hair, and the two start to make out a little before the clothes come off. Dawn deep throats Holmes, and it is truly a sight to see. The two get into 69, and the process is a little slow to start. Holmes is NOT very hard during this scene, at least not for a good part of the beginning. He does have a big penis, and it is all him, but getting a huge erection in 1983, I guess wasn’t on the cards? He has more facial hair than in his previous movies, and is most likely into his full drug days. A pair of stirrups come up and Misty Dawn’s legs are put up. Perhaps a pump was used, as Holmes grabs the base of his penis and then goes all the way in for this sex scene. He doesn’t have very many moves, mind you, he’s just very big, so he uses that to his advantage, while Dawn stays in her stirrups. She asks Holmes to stick it in her ass, and he obliges, going into anal sex for a while, before he cums, but not a tremendous display. The director cuts the film at the 37 minute and 33 second mark because of it. This is a lackluster scene, but Misty Dawn is lovely, and well looks great even with Holmes not being grand.

A quick exterior scene is shown, and then we are amidst the doctor talking to his wife. It’s Herschel Savage and a brunette talking about how he didn’t come home at night. Again, the drama is turned up, and the acting is quite good.

After some mundane nursing elements, we are sent to a back office where we see Kimberly Carson and David Sanders hanging out. Kimberly Carson has a short brunette hairstyle, like a rocker from the Sunset Strip, and is wearing white lingerie, while David Sanders looks like a hippy out of the 1970s. Caron starts to striptease and in comes the jazz funk sounds. Kimberly Carson and David Sanders are involved in this backroom sex scene.

Before you get to see the sex, however, the camera cuts to the doctors washing up for surgery. This is spliced in, and then you go back to the backroom, where there’s now a bed, and both actors naked.

Kimberly Carson delivers a slow and easy blow job to David Sanders. This is a short romp, with a lot of hair, neither person shaved, and your traditional positions, with a funky soundtrack that is a mix of rock and jazz and bass. Carson moans a little, Sanders keeps at it until he finishes, and this may be the least provocative sex scene I’ve seen in a long time. It’s laughable how bad this is, but hey, it’s 1983, so I guess that’s ok. Eventually Sanders finishes on Carson’s pubic hair and that’s the end of this scene. It’s a short, very stale sex romp.

Moving forward, we are treated to a surgical scene. The doctors are talking while in surgery, and the attention to the sets is incredible here. You are going to be absolutely floored by the production value that is given to this porno. The drama runs deep and during surgery the patient dies on the table. The drama keeps moving up and it’s just a rough spot.

The movie transitions to Savage smoking in his office. Savage then talks to a nurse and says that she is going to Chicago, and that the two may not have a future. There’s a love triangle going on, and well, it’s a sad point with piano music and the realization that there’s an end to the relationship between this doctor and nurse. This really pulls at your heart strings.

The movie continues to a nurse talking to a patient. This time around it’s Dominique and Paul Baressi that are going to engage in some sex. This scene isn’t that great. Dominique has long black, wavy hair, and Paul Baressi looks like a creeper with a thin mustache, and is in a hospital bed. Soft, sensual music plays and Dominique goes in for a blow job. Baressi does get hard after a spell, but this is a slow moving scene. The two move from oral to sex on a hospital bed, and it’s not that great. It only takes a few minutes before Baressi cums, and really, this was the weakest of the sex scenes. Back in 1983, you didn’t have to last long apparently, you could just have sex in a few minutes and that’s that. This was a lousy scene to say the least.

The movie transitions to the doctor leaving from the long day. A janitor is vacuuming, and just continues to do so while the doctor goes to his mansion somewhere. He gets home and seeks out his wife, named Joyce. She is played by Kay Parker, one of Mick Foley’s favorite porno stars. After the couple talk, the movie concludes with a sensual love making scene.

Kay Parker and Herschel Savage play husband and wife in the bedroom, in a sensual sex scene. If you haven’t seen a Kay Parker scene before, you will denote that she has high cheek bones, curly black hair, and a full bush. She has large natural breasts, and she moans a lot during oral. Herschel Savage starts with oral, and lots of kissing. Eventually, with no condom mind you, Kay Parker gets on top and the two start to engage in sex. The two grind each other, and then the two intensely switch positions and start getting more active. The music is a classic 1980s synth guitar instrumental. The set is your classic bedroom set, with minimal lighting. Kay Parker has very large natural breasts and they swing and hang, as the two go forward with their love making session she moans and says, “I will always love you”. After some time Herschel asks Parker to hold her breasts together and he goes Russian and then cums in between her breasts, and then spouts the lines, “I’m not going anywhere baby”, and then kisses her passionately. The two truly look like a married couple as the movie ends, and we get the credits.

I give “Nasty Nurses” a 3 out of 5.

I know, I gave a lot of praise to the quality of the acting, the plot, and so much more. However, since this is a porno, the sex has some measure of rating too. I didn’t hate this movie, mind you, but aside from a couple of ok sex scenes, it’s really just a B-level cable porno movie. Yes, it’s hardcore, but it’s not long winded, and really pushes the plot more than the actual sex. It’s not a great showcase of sex, but it’s not a terrible one either. I’m conflicted because I want to rate it higher, but the sex just isn’t grand, with the exception of possibly two scenes, and one blow job scene which is not half bad. As far as nurse porno movies are concerned, this is not a great one, but it’s serviceable none the less, a solid 3 out of 5. If you can find it on VHS or DVD, go for it.

Fallen (2008) Review

Fallen (2008) Poster 

Well, it was bound to happen. I was going to end up talking about a seriously good porno movie. Well not that I am saying it’s good, but rather the fact that this 2008 release of “Fallen” won a lot of awards. It won 4 major awards at the AVN Awards. The movie won best actress, best double penetration, best DVD menus, and best packaging. It also won the best overall DVD from the Empire Awards in 2008, and won the X-Rated The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time award in 2015. This thing had serious legs, but is it that great? Well, if you look at the cast, you’re going to find a lot of different people, but mostly Jessica Drake. The rest of the cast includes, Jenna Haze, Brad Armstrong, Jada Fire, Lana Croft, Gianna Lynn, Derrick Pierce, Eric Masterson, Herschel Savage, Niko, Shyla Stylez, and Angie Savage, just to name a few. This was a major showcase for Jessica Drake, and the director was Brad Armstrong. This is a featured film from Wicked Pictures, and honestly, it shows from the starting line. But is it worth your time? Well, let’s see how good this thing is, as it definitely showcases a few interesting points from the start.

The movie isn’t kidding around, it starts with sex, and it throws you into the wild. It starts with a scene that features Jenna Haze and Brad Armstrong. The two are in the throws of passion, and it’s as you’d imagine. Haze delivers a good overall blow job, her brunette hair long, and her body slim, and eventually a condom comes on and the sex begins. There’s some nice tune in the undertone of the movie, but for the most part this is straight sex, featuring Haze, and Armstrong, in a t-shirt. This doesn’t las tthat long, but Haze does take a money shot in the face, and swallows, so that’s an interesting point. She also blows Armstrong after the money shot, which is always divine, if you ask me. Haze is a pretty lady, but in less than 8 minutes, this wasn’t that great.

The movie continues. It appears that Brad Armstrong’s character wants to propose, but Jenna leaves to go to her apartment. She enters an elevator, and something goes terribly wrong. The elevator that she’s riding collapses. Once that occurs, Jessica Drake runs to the lobby and can’t get into the elevator, and screams. A voiceover comes through and it’s Jessica Drake talking about how she is the guardian angel of Jenna Haze, and now that she’s dead, she failed her. That’s the premise of “Fallen”, mind you. Within 11 minutes, you get the bigger plot point, with Jessica Drake playing a guardian angel that is going to get fired for not protecting her human. Then we get stunning aerial shots of Los Angeles, with Drake narrating and talking about her normal life, stripped of her wings, and artistic elements. If you’re a fan of talking, and plot, then this is a good movie to consider overall. Drake’s delivery on narration is a bit dry, but it’s not terrible.

The next scene is an orgy scene that features a lot of people getting it on. Gianna Lynn, Jada Fire, Jessica Drake, Lana Croft, Michelle McLaren, Ryder Skye, Barry Scott, Brad Armstrong, Derrick Pierce, Eric Masterson, and another guy are all involved in this underground scene of sorts. It initially gets narrated by Jessica Drake, and then gets heavy into the sex. There’s a gothic look to this, and a dungeon element that you will see more as artistic than anything else. It reminded me of “Beverly Hills Cox” and the opening sequence, only this had a lot more going on. This is the first time that Jessica Drake jumps into the sex, and well, it’s not half bad. It’s your standard orgy scene with a lot going on, including double penetration at one point, anal sex, and more. Every guy has condoms, and all the women are lovely to look at. Drake gets double penetrated at one point, and the rest of the women are all over the scene just having fun. The focus is definitely on Drake, however, so if you wanted to see her get double teamed, this is the scene for you.

Once the orgy is over, it’s back to narration and Jessica Drake walking the streets of Los Angeles. She walks alone, until Randy Spears stops her, and then has sex with Drake on the back of a LAPD cruiser. I kid you not. It’s a fast paced scene in which Drake uses a police club, and Spears uses his fingers, as she really gets into this scene for the most part. It’s not a bad scene, mind you. It’s not a long scene, it has a little techno going on in the undernotes, and Drake takes a massive facial and blows spears afterwards, making this an interesting one to watch. She doesn’t take her top off, though, so she’s half-way clothed for this scene.

Once the scene is over, we have B-footage of Drake just walking around Los Angeles, just talking about she wanted to find a man to get some sex. She walks by a window and that’s where another sex scene begins.

Jennifer Dark, Marcus London, and Tommy Gun have sex in an old Los Angeles apartment for this next scene, and it’s not bad. I’ve never seen Jennifer Dark, at least not that I can remember, and the scene immediately throws you into the sex. There’s the standard foreplay, blow jobs, and more, and Dark really gets into this one, with the guys just going through the motions. It’s mechanical to a bit, and the techno music is not half bad. I think I liked the music more than the actual sex here. This is a standard trio of sex, and it’s not amazing, but it isn’t terrible either. There’s a double penetration moment at one point and they all seem to work well together. These are professionals, mind you, and it shows as they just go through the motions without taking a spare moment. Again, it’s all safe sex, and it’s not half bad. If you’re a fan of Dark and you like double penetration then this scene will appeal to you as it is somewhat sexy, although Dark’s long black hair and gothic tones doesn’t do it for me. Marcus and Tommy put out a good scene though, and Dark keeps up the dirty talk throughout. The ending comes with the money shot all over dark’s chest and face, and the scene fades to black into another part of the story.

Don’t want to read all of this BS writing? It’s 2,000 some odd words! Just click here and watch the movie for yourself, and see if you enjoy this thing, or continue to read the review.

Drake is still walking the streets of Los Angeles, mind you. She’s a tall, thin blonde, and looks like a million bucks. She looks like the kind of woman that lives north of Montana in Santa Monica. She narrates the next scene, which features Brad Armstrong. She meets up with him at a night club, and the two start to make out, meanwhile a soulful band plays live. This is a passionate scene with sex, and an interesting mix of good music, and sexual heat. They go through most every position and eventually anal, with Drake’s long blonde hair flowing, and her getting through the scene with a sense of passion and dirty talk. It’s a good sensual scene with a focus on anal, and Drake getting wet throughout. Armstrong delivers too, but it’s really Drake that you are mesmerized by in this scene, as she wears her heels through the scene.

Once the scene is over, Drake and Armstrong talk and the two move forward to further the story line. Drake then goes back on the streets of Los Angeles, and you get an artsy narrator, etc. There’s an art element to these scenes featuring Drake around the city, at one point even sitting on top of a Taxi, in the lotus position. It’s not half bad, and honestly, it does speak to the artistic vision of this movie.

After a while, Drake and the Taxi driver stop, and it’s Herschel Savage behind the wheel, until Drake eventually blows him. I kid you not, he just gets a blow job, and that’s the end of the sequence. Drake does great here, and as far as blow job scenes are concerned, this isn’t half bad. Drake really goes to town here, and may be the best scene in the movie, honestly. She seems to be the most into this one, over the other options. Savage really gets a good point with Drake, and as far as a straight blow job scene, this could very well be the best example of a great one. Drake stays fully clothed, yet she delivers.

Moving forward, the next scene features Jessica Drake and Angie Savage in a lesbian scene. There’s a vibrator involved, and overall, it’s ok. There’s nothing grand about this if you’re not a fan of lesbian sex. It’s the two going at it, and simple as that. There’s no major set here, it’s just what you’d expect, and the two blondes really go through the motions together, including rimming, oral, and more.

This ends and then we get to see Drake getting a fake tattoo. She gets a pair of wings on her back, and she narrates the rest. Eventually talking about how she is just walking around town, etc. She literally just walks the streets of Los Angeles, and nothing major goes on. She just walks around, it’s artistic, she’s all dressed up, looking like a rich lady I once knew.

At one point she calls Brad Armstrong’s character and he’s getting robbed. Drake goes into Angel mode and saves the day! The scene redeems her, and yes this is a redemption story at the end of the day, which is odd, I know.

Drake and Armstrong go on a road trip, and while she’s asleep, she dreams of a sexual romp with a guy name Niko. Niko is a greek god looking dude, with semi-long hair, and a toned body. The two blondes of Jessica Drake and Shyla Stylez really go to town with him and it’s not half bad. It’s angelic at times, and it’s definitely something to witness as the two women really give themselves to this guy. They reall go to town with him, there’s no two ways about it. The techno theme is underneath again, and it’s really good to see this scene, giving credence to the awards that the porno world gave the movie.

Up next, we get Armstrong and Drake on a camping trip and they have sex while camping. She is fully clothed, except for socks, and Armstrong just goes forward. It was a sexual romp in the middle of the desert, and it’s interesting.

The final moments of the movie feature Drake praying, talking about how she’s lonely and well Armstrong’s character dies, and joins her. Now it’s Drake and Armstrong watching over the streets together, and possibly having sex etc. That’s the end of the movie, and that’s the end of this award winning picture.

"Fallen" is nearly 3 hours long, and by the time you actually finish it, you’ve seen Jessica Drake in every sexual position you could possibly get into. It’s not bad. It’s not great, but man, Wicked Pictures put in a lot of work for this one.

I give “Fallen” a 4 out of 5.

It’s not my favorite movie. It’s not the worst movie, it’s a movie that is actually quite fun for the most part. You could edit the sex out and it’s not a terrible made for television movie, honestly. It’s a fun romp, with sex thrown in. I’m not a big fan of Drake, but hey, she does well for the most part.

You can purchase “Fallen” on DVD and VOD by clicking here, it’s not half bad. Check it out!