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| Pickup Lines 3 (1996) Poster |
The opening says that this is an Ed Powers presentation. Ed Powers is like a gate keeper for porno, and he was able to get on screen with a lot of women before they became huge stars. He’s a skinny guy with facial hair, a pony tail, and just a hairy body. This movie starts with him talking to the camera. He says that we are about to watch the third installment from the series, and he says that he will be in the bed with women. After we hear from Ed Powers we get into the credits and it shows all of the actors names that are in this movie alongside some “Myst” type of music.
The opening scene features a couple of girls on a boat, and some decent cinematography for the time. We see a guy jet skiing, and I can’t make out who it is, but he falls into the water. From there we are taken to a bathroom that is quite large. It shows Peter North showering. A woman shows up and it’s Marine Cartier, and she disrobes and joins him. Some jazzy music starts and the two stand in the shower together, and it’s not bad. Marine Cartier is a brunette with a fit body, and bikini tan line. She has a thin frame, small breasts, and a toned overall look, with a cute face.
Marin Cartier and Peter North start to make out in the shower, and we begin the sex. This is a very unique shower, and it’s very large. The two make out like they are old lovers, and it’s actually not a bad starting point. They seem to be very interested in one another, and for once, I was starting to get distracted a little. After some making out, we see Peter North giving oral to Cartier, before turning things around and getting on her knees for oral. She has a small mouth, and it shows, making North look huge because of it. The music is louder than the moaning here, but it’s still sensual. Cartier has a landing strip, and after some bathroom foreplay, the two move to the bedroom, and they start to engage in sex, with a condom. There isn’t much to this, there’s barely any switching of positions. The music is louder than the sounds of Cartier, and while North does well here, you can barely here Cartier moaning, which she is certainly doing. After some time in doggy style, Cartier catches a Peter North facial and that ends this scene. The facial is ok, and it’s actually a little boring. Not the best facial, Marin Cartier spits it all out and looks disturbed in receiving, even though she licks a little after the fact.
The music continues, but the scene ends. We are taken outdoors where Steve Drake and Lana Sands are enjoying a boat ride. The two enjoy the sun, until they stop to kiss and start the next sequence.
Steve Drake and Lana Sands start to kiss, and Sands starts to suck on Drake’s finger to signal the start of sex. Lana Sands is a skinny Asian looking woman, with small breasts, slightly shaved pubic region, and a look like she’s from Thailand of the Philippines. Steve Drake is a mainstay in porn, and at this point has been in the business for a long time. The sex is simple, starting with fingering, oral, and the music that is just looping at this point. You can kind of hear moaning, but it’s muted by the sounds of the music, which is a bad move if you ask me. We get oral from both partners here, and the camera doesn’t shy away from the sex. There’s no condom in this one, and while the scene is adequate, it’s lacking in passion, and sound. You don’t hear Sands very much, and you see Drake hasn’t shaved at all, so he looks like your average joe. The sex is fine, but not that great, and after a few positions, Drake delivers a facial and that’s it. This is a substandard sex scene compared to the opener, that’s for sure.
We move to another scene and it’s Peter North and his girlfriend at a random house. They invite Steve Drake and Lana Sands to come in and watch a porno. The television shows a couple of women outdoors, with the sunlight directly on them, and they are simply kissing.
The next sex scene features Demi Fairbanks, Jill Kelly, and Vince Vouyer. The music again keeps going, and it’s a jazzy beat with bongos, and an island motif. Jill Kelly of course is a tanned, large breasted blonde that is a staple in 1990s porno. Demi Faribanks is a brunette with a landing strip, tanned body, curves, and large breasts. Vince Vouyer doesn’t immediately enter the scene, he waits for things to work through with the women. The women go with oral to start, while Fairbanks wears sunglasses and has wet, short hair. Vince Vouyer starts with giving the women oral, one by one, then he gets the women to blow him, and they are still outdoors. Vouyer brings a truck into the picture so they go into the back of it, and start to work through the sex. No condom here, and just straight sex with a couple of positions, a little bit of moaning, and then the money shot which lands on both Fairbanks and Kelly. This is not the best Jill Kelly scene, mind you, even though she looks great here. Both Fairbanks and Kelly look uninterested at times, and Vouyer just is in work mode, and well, good for him, that lucky devil.
Up next we are taken to a dock that looks like Marina Del Rey. There a young woman talks to a random dude about his boat and he invites her to his place. She obliges, and we are taken to a condo or apartment near Marina Del Rey.
The two start to makeout, and get to a bedroom, a set that looks like your average 1990s apartment. Frankie Layne and Tony Martino are the two actors here, and they both are tanned, and hard bodies. Frankie Layne is an older blonde, and it shows, with a thin frame, and small breasts. Tony Martino is a tanned dude with nothing that makes him special except getting it up when it matters. Layne’s rib cage shows here, she’s that thin, and while this scene isn’t terrible, the music takes you away from it all. The sex is normal to say the least, nothing too crazy, a few positions here and there, some ok lighting, but a lack of budget plagues this one. The music again drowns out the moans that you’re going to hear from Layne, and while the two have a little chemistry you can tell that Martino is in “work mode” and so the two just don’t gel that well. After a while with normal sex, there is a point where you get anal. A closeup reveals no condom, and a landing strip, with Layne taking it all in from Martino. After some anal, we go in for the money shot, and Martino lands cum on Layne’s face, and the music finally stops. The soundtrack is very annoying for this movie, and I’d rather hear the moaning to be honest.
After the scene is over we see a woman cleaning a pool. She walks over to a couple of guys waiting for her, and they start making out. This scene features Casey, Michael J. Cox, and Sean Rider. Casey is a very young girl here, with brunette hair, and an average body. The two guys are nothing special, and the lighting is miserable here. It’s an outdoor scene and it starts with a great deal of kissing. Casey looks uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is one of her first porno scenes. The two guys know what they are doing, and try to go slow here, with the music coming through quietly and taking over the cinemascope of the scene. Casey gets on her knees and starts giving oral, and we still have this awful music that is just like listening to wind chimes. Casey keeps looking at the camera, you don’t hear her moan, she is just a vessel at this point. It’s this type of porno (gonzo) that turns people into meat, and well, it’s just there, this is just a sex scene. Both guys look bored, Casey is doing her thing, but the guys are bored and it’s hilarious to see. There is no passion here, there’s no double penetration, and the scene ends with the guys throwing Casey into a pool. That’s it. What a terrible sequence.
Up next we see Lori Michaels in a convertible. It’s an expensive one too. She pulls over to pick up a hitchhiker, and it’s Vince Vouyer. She asks if Vince has a big penis, and then invites him to get into the car. She then lets him drive the car, and that’s it. We go back to her place, and the two start to make out.
This next sex scene features one of my favorite actresses, Lori Michaels. Lori Michaels starts to blow Vince Vouyer and the music here takes over, again making it a crappy scene, but with Lori Michaels, I’m all in. Lori Michaels is a thin, older looking brunette, and reminds me of someone I know. She has small hands, and a small mouth, and she looks passionately at Vince Vouyer as she takes it all in. There’s a bit of passion here, and something that is missing from the rest of the scenes. The set here is a random bedroom, with a red comforter, white walls, and nothing special to it. The two get on a bed and start having sex. Vince Vouyer puts on a condom, but through the sequence he holds his penis hard, and it looks as though he’s used a penis pump and wants to maintain his erection here. I’m not sure what’s going on, and at one point it looks like Lori wants him to go in deeper. She keeps checking to see if his condom is on, which is an odd thing to see, and while she does relax a little, the sex is normal, and nothing to really write home about. The two go through multiple positions, and eventually Vouyer can’t hold it in so he slips out and cums on Lori Michael’s face, and that’s the end. She blows him at the end and lets him cum, and then just takes it all in. Lori Michaels is one of my all time favorite porno actresses, so while this scene lacks a little gusto, it’s still worth watching, at least for me, and well I liked it.
After this scene is over, we are taken back to the Peter North apartment, and we see the women getting hot. They want to have sex, and well, the women exchange partners from earlier.
On a red comforter, we see Lana Sands, Marine Cartier, Peter North, and Steve Drake start to make out for a four way sex scene. The scene starts with the men giving oral to the women, and we hear a soundtrack of techno music start. This time it’s a little more quiet than the other scenes, and we get up close and personal with the oral. The lighting here is great, and the women are hot. Lana Sands giving Peter North a blow job is a premier element of this scene, and definitely a standout amidst this one. Marine Cartier is beautiful here, and is in a nice dress, and while I’m not a big fan of Steve Drake, she makes this one look great. There are no condoms here, and the majority of the sex is taken to a backseat because the director focuses on a wider lens. There’s a lot of oral, here, and not nearly as much asex, although there’s some insertion here and there. Cartier looks bored at one point, and while her and Sands create a good chemistry, the guys seem confused as to what they are doing at times. After some back and forth, position and partner changes, we get a money shot, and that’s it. Kind of a lackluster scene. The best part is definitely the starting point where Lana Sands is blowing Peter North, and she does well throughout, blowing him at the 1 hour 58 minute mark again and showing off her skills. It looks like Drake gets the money shot here, and while it’s adequate, it’s not as good as what Peter North can do, and well, that’s fine. This scene is not great, and the music once again muted the moaning. Peter North eventually gets a turn for the money shot, but the director doesn’t seem to show him that much, and he says, “Steve, I got your wife in the eye”.
The scene ends, and we are taken to a leopard print comforter. It’s here that Tracy Love is in a small sweater, and is talking to Ed Powers. She has no underwear, and Powers talks to her, interviewing her for this. Thracy Love is a cute girl, she has chubby cheeks, big red lips, colorful eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a thin frame with medium size breasts. She’s not that hot, honestly, but she must be new here.
After the initial interview with Ed Powers, Tracy Love starts to massage Powers. Ed Powers and Tracy Love engage in a little oral before starting to get into the sex. After the oral, Ed Powers gets into doggy without a condom. He’s not a huge guy, and he’s quite hairy. Tracy Powers is cute, and takes Powers deep. This scene has her moaning louder than the music, which is always interesting to hear, and it’s not a bad scene if you like gonzo, and amateur production. This stands out, as Powers at one point sticks 3 fingers in Love’s anus then goes for anal. During anal, Love really starts to moan, and while this is a dirty sex scene, it is true to life what goes on in the many different bedrooms of America and around the world. This is kind of like the bottom run of porno mind you, not really offensive, but not sexy at all. Two people that are not sexy having sex, and probably having more fun than you are. After a great deal of anal, Powers cums, and that’s the end. Love is a bit disturbed, and doesn’t seem to be having that much fun, looking at the camera, and trying to play up the ending, and that’s it. Powers is a lucky son of a gun, that’s for sure.
The scene ends and that’s it. Tracy Love really wants to be a part of the porn world, and isn’t satisfied here. You can tell. She’s attractive at the end, but overall, she’s just another actress that I’m sure will be forgotten.
I give “Pick Up Lines 3” a 2 out of 5.
Despite my appreciation for Lori Michaels, there’s nothing that can save me from giving this a higher rating. The music was too loud, the moaning wasn’t loud enough, and there was just something lacking in the movie. I liked it enough, and the opening and ending scene really got my attention, so for that, it gets a 2 out of 5. I do like the collective actors in this one, but unless you’re collecting the Pickup Lines series, I’m not sure that you’re going to want to buy this one. Maybe stream it.
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