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| Dangerous Tides (1997) DVD Poster |
The movie is a simple option up front. The movie is about a swinger’s cruise, and that’s it. It starts with Vince Voyeur checking the underside of the cruise ship and just goes through the check points, and that’s it. The movie then transitions to a couple talking about how they got into swinging, and that’s where the sex begins.
The opening sex scene features Ruby, Yvonne, Eric Price, and pornographic veteran Steve Drake. Drake is looking older for sure, but the women are the classic late 1990s porno ladies. Fake breasts, interesting pubic hair, shaved areas, and in this case redheads. The dialogue is forced, and there’s an attention to the overall details with transitions, and focus on the sex after the fact. When you see it, you’ll notice that the camera angles are a mix bag, and the music sounds like it’s from a 1990s video game like “Mist”. The couple here switch partners, and it’s off to the races, just straight sex, and nothing else. The most compelling thing about this scene for me is not so much the sex, but the transitional music, as it goes from soft new wave jazzy to a rock fusion, and I’m all about rock fusion! Not really, but the transition is interesting to me. This is a fine sex scene, but it’s just mechanical for the most part. There’s a little moaning here and there, but it’s really just a bit slow, and to the point, with nothing too exciting to report. Maybe it’s because they are on a boat, or maybe it’s just that the actors don’t have a lot of chemistry with one another, but it’s just a boring scene for me. It works, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not very sexy, it’s just routine. The money shot isn’t half bad, with Steve Drake finishing on one woman while the other licks it up and then blows him as well. That ending is worthwhile, but overall, it’s not a great scene.
Up next we see a mariachi playing and a bunch of girls dancing. That’s it. It’s kind of out of place if you ask me, but hey, it’s a scene, right? The Mexican guys must’ve loved the gig, and wow, I wish I knew how to play, I’d love to be in this movie with all the women dancing and touching my guitar, and other things. The women get nude, and that’s the transition to the next sex scene.
After the music stops, Jenna Jameson is given a tour of the cockpit and shown how to drive the boat. This leads to a sex with Vince Voyeur and Jenna Jameson. Now, I admit, I’ve seen a lot of scenes with her, and there’s not a lot of guys that have chemistry with her, but Vince is one of them. I’m not sure why, but the two here go through more than just the motions of sex, and it is actually a stunning thing to see. If you’re a fan of Jenna Jameson, then this is one of the scenes that you’ve probably seen pirated on tube sites. It’s Vince Voyeur and Jenna Jameson in the captain’s chair of a boat, and it’s actually quite good. Jenna Jameson puts on a show here, and Vince seems into it for the most part. The music is a casual piano driven jazz tune of the smooth jazz fusion variety. He gets into the action with ease, and the scene really is a hot one for the most part. There’s no condom, Jenna is shaved, and the two go through the motions of sex, and eventually Vince finishes on her chest, and that’s the end.
Next up we see the swingers all drinking and listening to the mariachi band play their songs. That’s about it. Nothing too crazy here, just a serenade of mariachi music, while the actors drink and are dressed up. Moving along the transition, we are taken to another part of the boat, and you know what that means!
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In the next sex scene we see Alexandra Silk, Nici Sterling, and Wilde Oscar get it on. Oscar reminds me of a teacher I once had, and the two women are veterans of the porno world. I always thought Alexandra Silk was beautiful, and she is a stunning brunette here. However, the chemistry that Wilde has with the women isn’t all there, and it seems like he’s just trying to stay hard for the most part. This threeway lacks a sense of passion, but it works. The music is again jazzy, and somewhat 16-bit if you ask me. But for the most part it’s a standard sex scene with beautiful women, and a dude that is balding, and just lucky to be there for the most part if you ask me. At one point there’s anal, so if you’re into that then you’ll love this, and there’s no condoms here, everyone’s shaved, and it’s not bad, but it’s not great either.
Up next, a few pirates call in to the cruise ship, and state that they are going to save a ship that calls in. The four pirates look hilarious, as they are porno actors. I was laughing at the gun scenes, where they all loaded bullets, and cocked their guns. This is absurd, but hey, it’s a porno, so I guess it’s expected, right? The movie goes into hyper mode to show off speed and urgency, and it’s funny to watch. There’s a fake “Baywatch” soundtrack to this point of the movie, and you’re in about 45 minutes deep before the next sex scene. If you’re watching the whole movie like I am, then you’ll find that this drags on quite a bit.
This part shifts to an all lesbian sequence. There’s clear dildos, terrible disco type music, and all the women on board. This includes Angelica Sin, Antonia, Barocca, Charlie, Jenna Jameson, and Melisa Hill. They are all giving one another oral, using a clear dildo, and that’s about it. It’s a good scene, and there are some legit orgasms here and there, which are evident throughout. But there’s so much action going on, that it’s hard to concentrate on just one act overall, which can make things a bit difficult to manage getting your swerve on, so to speak. It’s a good lesbian sequence, but it’s just a lot going on overall. Plus the music is louder than the actors so it throws me off a little.
Up next, the pirates jump on board the ship and put guns to the crew. They say that they are going to kill the crew if they don’t comply. They say that they are looking for someone on the crew, and that they need to see him now! The captains play dumb, and that’s that. The pirates take the crew downstairs and look to find their man. Meanwhile, they kidnap one of the guys and they knock out Vince. Then they get all the women in a room and mistreat Jenna. The acting is bad, and it’s horrendous. The pirates then ask to know where the drugs are, and then carry out one of the captain’s while they leave the rest of the boat’s passengers in one room. I can’t believe that this plot thickens so much. While the pirates look for drugs, Jenna Jameson hatches a plan, and distracts one of the pirates, by having sex with him!
Up next, the final scene for Jenna Jameson in this movie, she finds Mickey G and they have sex. Jenna once again showcases here talent for acting and sex here. Mickey G, I’ve seen in other movies, and he definitely enjoys this one, as the two go through various different positions on board of the boat. Jenna has some cool underwear here, but of course she takes it off. I caught the camera guy and camera at around 1 hour and 2 minutes into the scene! I kid you not, they didn’t edit this out! Another blooper! In fact, the camera can be seen in multiple shots, the lens being on the left hand corner of the scene, which is ultimately distracting. But back to the sex, the two have some serious chemistry here, and it’s not half bad. It’s not a long scene, mind you. The two have sex in a couple of positions, but Mickey G. cannot hold on too long and eventually cums on Jenna’s stomach and pubic area. That’s it. This is a fast scene compared to the others, but Jenna steals the show again, and looks as though she’s really into it, while Mickey G. seems to be enjoying it a lot more than the average actor, which is fine by me. This is a hard scene, and good overall sex, as the two really go at it together. The music sucks, but hey, you can’t win em all. After the sex, Jenna gets the pirate’s gun and then throws him overboard! Then she goes to try and save the rest of the crew.
Meanwhile, one of the pirates finds drugs, and is happy, while Jenna saves everyone. But is stopped only by one of the pirates who wants to have sex with Melissa Hill. So now Brad Armstrong and Melissa Hill have sex. I’m a fan of Melissa Hill, I love her face, hair, and eyes. This scene isn’t half bad, it’s in the basement of the ship, and not half bad. While Hill blows Brad Armstrong, Missy looks on, and eventually wants to join in. She’s one of the pirates, and so she eventually jumps into the scene, and the two women really go to town on Armstrong. He gets a dual blow job, which is quite nice, and the scene progresses. Brad Armstrong gets some serious service here, and kudos to him, because he holds his erection for quite some time while the women work him over. Eventually the trio have sex, and Armstrong throws down a lot of pipe here, doing both women while maintaining his boots on. He eventually does anal on missy, and then cums overall, making this a good ending scene before the rest of the plot finishes off. He eventually cums on Missy’s back, and that’s the end of the show. This is a good sex scene, and it’s better than most of the other parts of the movie. I still love Melissa Hill’s eyes and overall performance here. The music is once again like a video game, with instrumentals that sound like they are part of “Donkey Kong Country”.
The movie transitions, and Jenna talks to the captain, and talks about saving the day. She does with a gun, and that’s it. The movie rolls to credits, and shows all the people that worked on it with a movie type credit ending and interesting font choice. This is the end, and well, it’s not much of an ending if you ask me.
I give “Dangerous Tides” a 3 out of 5.
This is a big budget movie, it’s not half bad, but it’s not an amazing one either. Jenna Jameson’s scenes steal the show, and Melissa Hill does it for me personally. But other than those trio of scenes, it’s not that great overall. It’s simply not a great movie.
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