Dracula Sucks (1978) Review

Dracula Sucks (1978) Poster 

Today we go back to 1978 for the golden age of porno. The movie we are going to look at today is one that has film grain, was filmed on Hollywood style cameras, and has been adapted from an original work. This is of course, the 1978 picture known as “Dracula Sucks”. This is a pornographic movie, that is more akin to be called a “film”, because it has a lot of attention to minor details, and the film grain throughout. It’s very much a movie that deserves more than what I’m going to be giving it on this site, because of course this is a porno review site, and not something more elaborate. “Dracula Sucks” is one classic porno that doesn’t “suck”, at least not if you’re looking at golden era porno with some solid acting etc.

Now, I read that this version only runs 107 minutes, so I can’t really say that I am going to be reviewing something that is complete. The whole story is very much like Bram Stoker’s book at times. The film grain is there, the movie is very much an interesting take on the book, with sex thrown in for good measure. If you haven’t seen a lot of golden era porno, you’re going to be surprised by the pacing, and the way this one is filmed, because it very much resembles a movie from the Hammer Horror productions, and dare I say it’s better than many other pornographic movies from the time. I was pleasantly surprised by how the whole thing worked, and how the editors, director, and the cinematographers treated this movie. It very much seems like the production crew cares about the source material, as much as the sex.

The movie starts with the same thing you saw in the books and movies. A castle, a visitor, and a young man waking up Dracula. There are even quotes from the book here, and a lot of interesting points if you read the novel.

As the movie goes through, you start to get the sex, but not without Van Hellsing showing up, and other people, including Harker, and Mina, etc. If you know the book, then you know this story, it just has more sex.

The movie transitions from a narrative setup to sex, and we get our first taste featuring Annette Haven and Jamie Gillis. The two are out in the open and then start to go at it, as you’d expect. You only get a blow job here, and it’s slow, sensual, and the music is an old song, a little gospel, which really distracts considering the graphic blow job that you get. Annette Haven gives a passionate blow job, slow, and to completion, and that’s about it, not a long scene at all.

There’s a lot of time between sex scenes, because the narrative comes through a great deal. At a certain point I forgot that this was a porno movie. It’s fascinating, and really started to entertain. However, you know it’s a porno when you get around 30 minutes through. At that point Bill Margold shows up to talk to Pat Manning, and the two have sex in a comedic way. You don’t see penetration here, it’s just a quick sexual scene, and that’s it.

After this, apparently there was supposed to be 3 scenes in place, but they weren’t included in this version that I received. Instead, of those 3 scenes, the edited version for “Dracula Sucks” goes forward to John Holmes and Irene Best on a pool table. The maid and Holmes have slow, very slow sex, and it’s nearly cable version for the most part. The back ground music is just Dracula talking, and that’s about it. This is a boring sex scene, and really just looks interesting for those that like John Holmes, because there’s a sequence where he shows off his size, and then at a certain point gets his penis bit by a vampire! This actually isn’t half bad, it’s quite entertaining.

Now, I can’t be the most reliable here, but John Holmes is taken prisoner, and it appears that he is having sex with Seka at one point. The scene is supposed to be the thirteenth scene in the movie, and since I’m not 100% sure what’s going on, I can tell you this much, it is in fact Seka and Holmes having sex. This is a much more graphic scene then the rest, and Holmes seems to really have a good time with Seka here, and she seems to enjoy herself throughout the weird sex scene that has wolf sounds dubbed into the moaning, which distracts a great deal. The sex is cut so you don’t see the pop shot, making this an interesting choice for sure.

After this scene, there’s some transition, and then a sex scene with whom I believe is Kay Parker and Jamie Gillis, or John Leslie, but I’m not 100% sure of the guy. I know it’s Kay Parker for sure, and the scene is quick, and the finale is a pop shot on her all natural breasts. That’s it. Nothing crazy here.

The movie goes along with the plot again, following the same thing that you’d expect from Bram Stoker’s work, and it’s simple. There’s another sex scene featuring Dracula, and then Seka, a masturbation scene, and a little sex in the back of a car too. The focus here is not on the sex, mind you, it’s more on the story driven development of the Dracula story, so I’m all confused as to why this was a porno.

The grand finale features Annette Haven and Jamie Gillis, according to IAFD, and they have a simple love making scene, and that’s it. It’s full penetration, but the focus is on the slow love making, not the bigger pornographic element that you’d expect. It’s interesting to see, mind you, but it’s definitely not what you’d expect. It’s a “love making” scene, and well that’s ok for what it is, but don’t expect hardcore sex in this porno.

I give Dracula Sucks a 2 out of 5 on the porno scale.

“Dracula Sucks” from 1978 is not a bad movie, but it’s just that, a movie. This is NOT at all a porno. Well it is and it is and isn’t all at the same time. The people that worked on this movie wanted to make a film, and they did that. Yes, there is a little sex, but it’s not as pornographic as any other movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Making this a real movie that you could watch with your girlfriend, wife, and others, and actually watch the whole thing. Again, this is not really a porno in the traditional sense at all.

You can purchase “Dracula Sucks” (1978) on DVD-R by clicking here.