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| Let's Talk Sex (1983) Updated Poster |
The movie starts with B-footage of what appears to be Downtown Los Angeles in the 1980s. There’s nothing too forward to talk about here, it’s just a nurse walking the streets alone. There’s some cat calling that occurs, and that’s it. The cat calling keeps going, but the nurse keeps walking. This nurse is a brunette in uniform, and that’s it, nothing crazy. She is walking home from her shift, and eventually makes it. She’s plain looking, brunette, thin body, small breasts, the 1980s uniform of a nurse, and she finally makes it to her house, where she can take off her hat, and settle in. We hear sirens in the background, and we see this woman walk through her home after work, assuming she’s single, and just going through the daily routine. Nothing fancy here, cinema more than a sexual romp begins this movie. I like that. We are shown what this woman is like, and within the standard of the sequence we see the lights go out. The lights go out, and it’s dark, our nurse hears something, and starts to walk towards the sound.
The nurse opens up a closet and she sees a random man in her bedroom! The man requests that she starts undressing, so she obliges. This is the start of a lot of horror movies, mind you. The woman starts to undress, and the music starts to get a bit more intense, like a 1980s slasher flick. She obliges, taking off her nurse’s uniform, lingerie, and shows off her nude body. He requests that she gets on her knees, and the music intensifies and we are taken to the sex within the first 10 minutes of this movie.
Bridgette Monet and David Cannon are the actors here. Bridgette is a girl next door type of woman, plain, and simple, while David Cannon looks like a home invader, and gets hard fast. Bridgette Monet starts to give him a blow job, and it’s nice and sensual as the music intensifies a little, mixing rock and new wave. Monet’s technique is actually pretty good, and the lighting is really dark here, except for the act. The two move to what appears to be a couch and there’s zebra print sheets on it. They engage in sex, with a couple of positions, but the film grain and lighting is so dark, it’s hard to tell what is going on. You can tell the movements, and the camera does let you in for a little bit of the sex, but it’s mostly a lot of outer camera angles with lackluster lighting. Maybe there’s a remastered edition of this, but my digital copy is still dark. The two have some boring sex, and it really isn’t much to write about. It’s not the worst sex scene I’ve seen, but it’s far from the best, and I do mean far. The scene ends with Monet blowing Cannon.
The end of the scene is odd. We see Cannon pick up a phone and he is talking to a woman. We find out that he’s been alone the whole time, he’s been talking to a sex chat line, and that’s it. There’s no nurse, there’s nothing strange, it’s a phone sex fantasy that we’ve been seeing. The movie sends us to a call center where there’s women answering phones and it’s sex talk. The women start talking about their work, and that’s it. Nothing crazy. They talk about how going out with a customer is not possible, etc.
The movie continues and we are taken to a random house where a woman is going to take a bath. She tells her husband or some random dude that she’s going to the bath, and that’s it. We see a woman taking a bath. She has short hair, small breasts, long legs, and a thin frame. A woman straight out of 1983, that’s for certain. She starts to pleasure herself in the bathtub with bubbles when we see the man peaking in to see what she’s doing. This guy looks like Scott Baio, by the way. The bubbles get in the way of seeing any of the action, but our voyeur is getting a full view of the action. She continues to play with herself until we see the man leave and call a phone sex line.
During the phone sex, he talks about the fantasy that he has. He talks about the woman in the tub, and then we are taken to the two getting involved. Pat Manning and Kevin James start to make out, they are both nude and they get into the tub together. They move away from the tub and out to a patio, and that’s where we see more of the woman and of course James. The woman is not fit, she’s older, and is not shaved. That’s not to say it’s bad, but she’s a true milf before the word was ever invented. The lighting is good here, and you see them having sex outdoors, with multiple positions. There’s a rock instrumental underneath this, and it’s literally just the two having sex, nothing too crazy. You don’t hear a lot of the moaning or anything, as the music is louder. The film grain is here, and it truly looks like a 1980s low budget sex movie. There’s no condoms, no one is shaved, and the two just seem to be looking for a rhythm for the most part. After a few positions, Pat Manning rolls over for a blow job and then James finishes, and that’s it. It’s an ok sex scene, but it’s definitely lacking some gusto. The two work ok together, but when the music is better than the sex, there’s something problematic about what is going on.
The scene ends and we are taken to a warehouse. We see Mike Horner calling the sex line and focusing on getting some action from the fantasy line. He asks for two girls this time, and we are taken to a room where there’s two women. He lets out his fantasy and we are taken to the office where he is in the center of two women.
The camera moves towards the office and we see Mona Page, Julia Parton, and Mike Horner engaging in oral sex. Horner has a serious mustache for this one, and the two women are brunettes. Two brunettes with all natural bodies, pubic hair, and all. They are thin, one has larger breasts than the other, and one has a bikini tan line. The music is jazzy, with a spark of saxophone and a little electric guitar, and the sex is slow and steady. The lighting and camera work is not that good as the trio have sex on top of a desk. They eventually get to a blow job where Mike Horner eventually cums into the faces of the two women, and that’s it. Horner finishes, and the camera hard cuts to an exterior shot of a house. Not a great sex scene, mind you, mired by a lack of chemistry between the actors.
As we move forward we see a woman undress in her own home. She calls a sex line and starts to discuss the fantasy a little. It’s with this that we get a little departure from the past solution, as we now get a lesbian scene.
For this scene we get Becky Savage and Kitten Natividad doing phone sex. The two are not together, they are in separate rooms masturbating with a phone in their ears. One woman is using the phone to masturbate. They are both a bit older, with full pubic mounds, not shaved, and just writhe around with pleasure for the viewer. The lighting is once again darkened, and there’s a bit of moaning to accompany the sounds of smooth electric guitar riffs. It’s like going back in time to have sex, there’s no shaving, there’s just hair, and wetness, and two women getting themselves off. Of course, this may be Joy Larsen and Laurien Wilde, I’m not sure. It’s two women solo, and they are both brunettes, that’s all I can say about this one.
We move to another home, and this time we see Melanie Scott and Tom Byron hanging out. Melanie Scott is a thin, tan, blonde haired woman that looks like the girl next door from 1983. She has a full pubic mound, and Tom Byron looks very much like Mark Wahlberg did when he was first discovered in boogie nights. The two start to slowly kiss and then go to oral. There’s romantic piano music here, and the director shoots from various angles, allowing you to see everything that is going on. It’s not a terrible scene, mind you, it’s just a slow moving sexual romp that is more akin to making love than it is to anything you’d expect from porno. It’s sensual, it has climaxes, and it’s a straight forward shot through sex, no clips or cuts from what I can tell. If you like slow moving, multiple position sex with a climax that features a cum shot, then here you go. It works, it’s serviceable, but it’s lackluster in a lot of ways. I can understand why this was shown as it works for the movie’s plot and work, but other than that, it’s a lackluster sex scene.
The next scene shows Laurien Wilde asking a man to go out with her. They want to go out and meet at a bar. They make the date, and we see things go down at a bar. It’s dimly lit, there’s a pool table, there’s some contemporary music, and it looks like any other low budget made for cable horror flick. Laurien Wilde and Herschel Savage go from the bar to the house, and they just hang out a little before deciding to call the phone sex line.
After the call begins, we start to see Laurien Wilde and Herschel Savage engage in oral sex. There’s a nice rock tune coming through, when Laurien Wilde gets to work with Savage. Laurien is a thin, tall, natural woman that looks a lot like the girl next door at an upscale apartment building. She’s attractive, and could probably teach middle school right out of college, that type of look. She has long black hair, and services Savage quite well. She’s all natural, and Savage is too, the two have some decent chemistry, a bit of moaning, and they go through the motions. This is all done on a brown couch, with dark lighting, and several positions. There’s no speed here, they take their time, they work with one another and it is once again akin to making love, it’s that gentle overall. The finish comes with Savage letting go on Wilde’s face as she blows him, the director decides to go with slow motion for the finish. The call ends, the sex ends, and of course, the movie ends here as well.
I give “Let’s Talk Sex” a 2 out of 5.
The only saving grace of this movie is that it’s shot on film and has a plot and musical prowess. Other than that, this is a terrible, movie that has not aged well at all. I was astonished how bad some of it was, even though there was some interesting sex going on. It’s interesting on a historical level, not really going to turn you on at all, unless you love 1980s, slow moving, love making. If that’s your thing, then you’ll love this one.
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