Stardust (1996) Review

Stardust (1996) Poster 

Today we are going to the 1990s yet again. This time around, we are going to be looking at a movie that spawned a series that goes deep. I’m talking like eleven sequels at this point. That’s not a bad thing, that’s a great thing! I guess. It’s kind of like “The Devil In Miss Jones”, watering down over the course of many years. As far as erotica is concerned, we are going to be venturing to the 1990s today, specifically to 1996. In this year we are going to be looking at the movie, “Stardust”. This movie was directed by Michael Zen, and it was distributed by Vivid Video. The movie stars Alex Sanders, Jon Dough, Jill Kelly, Misty Rain, Jenteal, Missy, Bobby Vitale, Steven St. Croix, and others. There are a few non-sex role actors, but do you really care? I mean, Mike Horner is in here, which is always interesting, and Missy is in it too, but the rest, meh, right? I know, I’m not a great reviewer. But let’s go to the time machine and see what’s up with “Stardust” from 1996.

There’s something that is somewhat calming about seeing the Vivid Video, two people merging logo. It tells you that you’re watching a Vivid Video. It’s classic 1990s logo, and I love it. “You’re Watching a Vivid Feature Presentation”, classic. That’s how you know you’re in for something cool, right? The opening of this film is interesting, it roles the credits with a dancer. There’s a light in the background, and it’s a naked woman dancing, with fire sticks, but they aren’t lit yet. If you’re a fan of Cirque De Soleil, that’s kind of what you get to start, and then the sticks are ignited, I think they are called torches, my bad. There’s a unique soundtrack, a melody that is done with Peruvian flutes, and it reminds me of Southpark a bit. The credits continue to roll, and we see the shadows of nudity, a formed body, and shadows, which is a nice way to start things off, no doubt. The start of the movie begins with lettering, and it states, “From a far away galaxy…the star creatures are touched by the dreams of Earthlings”, and then we go into the actual movie.

The movie begins with a knight riding on a horse. He’s in full armor, and there’s a woman in a white dress, and full makeup. There’s a medieval times vibe to this, and the knight kneels and asks for his hand. But then we see what’s really happening, it’s a woman in front of a mirror and she says, why are you dreaming? She then starts to talk to the camera, and says how she met the wrong guy, a man named “Bubba King”, and what occurs here is the dude running into the knight with a golf cart. He then steps out looking like Boss Hog from “The Dukes of Hazard”, and he kisses the woman.

We go from that, to a movie studio, and we are introduced to a studio executive played by Mike Horner. However, in the waiting room is Jeanna Fine and Jon Dough. Mike Horner is laughing, and there’s a moose with a cigar on the wall. Jeanna Fine pulls Dough aside and talks to him on the couch in the office, and starts to rub her hands on Dough’s leg. For the record, I love Jeanna Fine, she has a smoker’s voice, short black hair, long legs, and a beautiful face. She starts to throw herself at Dough here, while Mike Horner is in near tears. Dough doesn’t really want to get with Fine, but eventually, as they keep discussing their next move, she gets on her knees and starts to blow him, and he obliges with the next sequence. Some romantic music plays, and we get to the action.

Jeanna Fine starts on her knees, fully clothed, without panties, and blows Jon Dough. Fine is partially shaved, trimmed, and neat, has red colored nails, a light tan, and has that professional woman’s look from the mid 1990s in a business suit and all. She has stockings, and the camera gets right into her work with the blow job. The moose watches the goings on, and tells the director to look at the goings on, and it’s a well lit scene. It’s obvious that this was not filmed on 35MM, as it looks like cable porn only it’s XXX so you see it all. The camera is steady, the lighting is good. Amidst the blow job sequence, Mike Horner starts to yell and stop them for a minute. After some oral, the scene shifts to sex, and Jon Dough gets into work mode. The two have sex on the couch, and while it’s not the best scene, Fine looks amazing. She moans a bit, and Dough pushes through, but honestly, it’s mechanical and lacking passion. Fine is a bit loud, but it’s theatrical, not passionate. If you’re a fan of Fine, then you’ll like watching her have sex with Dough, but if you’re not familiar with her at all, you may think that this is a bit over the top. She’s not that wet, she’s a bit demanding, and Mike Horner is in the corner watching it. She seems to be out of it towards the 15 minute mark too. Fine behaves like a 1 hour escort, waiting for the final cum shot, which arrives at the 17 minute mark, and that’s about it. Fine is in work mode, Dough at least throws in a great deal of pushing, and even sweats a little, but Fine, despite looking like a million bucks, kind of kills the boner with a lackluster, theatrical performance.

We move the story along to the “Beaver House” where we are on the hunt for Bubba King. We are taken to the inside of the strip club, and there’s a crowd of guys. One of the guys looks like Keenan Thompson! It’s just a bunch of random dudes, and the women here are in all feathers, and pink. They are going to do a performance act, much like a burlesque show. Meanwhile, Jon Dough is on the phone in another set trying to get info about Bubba King. The women start their dance, and it’s a very unique, and cool way to open up the second part of this movie. Dough is at a pay phone, remember those? After some time in the phone, he ends up meeting Bubba King and Steven St. Croix.

Jill Kelly and Misty Rain have a sexual encounter on stage for the men. It’s not hardcore, but they are dancing in pink, and it’s very sexy, while the guys watch. It ends after some time, and it doesn’t get too hardcore at all, but watching them dance is truly a nice little takeaway from the rest of the movie. But then of course, after a slight interlude with Alex Sanders and Jenteal, we are back to the women, only now they are starting to have sex with one another. The two get into oral, and it’s all in the pink getup. But what’s interesting here is that the director has chosen to go artsy with the camera work, dropping the frame rate and creating a look that reminds me of the Sega CD, and it’s not great. The two have a great deal of fun with one another, going through oral, fingering, and more. It’s a good sex scene for the most part, and it’s two women that seem into one another.

Up next, we see Jenteal hit the stage. Alex Sanders is in the audience and he starts to imagine what it would be like to have sex with her. The director fades into his dreams, and that’s the next sex scene. Alex Sanders starts to give Jenteal oral to start the sex. Jenteal is a blonde haired, small breasted, curvy woman, and is younger in this picture. Alex Sanders has long hair, and looks like he just got out of the sunset strip from the 1980s, a rocker looking dude. Jenteal has a semblance of the girl next door, until you see her assets, and you realize that she’s a pro. The two have sex in the backstage area and there’s minimal lighting. It’s straight forward sex, with Sanders going in hard at one point and making Jenteal scream and moan in pleasure. If you’re a fan of rough, hard, fast sex, with a good instrumental, there you go. This scene has that, and it’s not a sensual landscape, with Zen’s direction moving away from the action so you don’t always see penetration. You know they are really doing it, but it’s an artistic landscape of a sex scene more than pure hardcore. That can go either way for people. Sanders seeks to get his here, and he is not looking to play passionate, and that leads to the money shot at around the 49 minute mark where he cums on Jenteal’s chest.

The scene quickly ends, and we are taken back to the reality that sanders is watching her dance on stage with a bunch of other dudes.

What occurs next, is one of the oddest ways to end a movie. Missy comes out and starts talking to Bubba King played by Bobby Vitale. Missy gets on her hands and knees and starts to blow Bubba King. She’s dressed up, has a little mole on her cheek, has small breasts, dirty blonde hair, and gets under a table to blow Bubba, while Jon Dough and Steven St. Croix watch Jenteal on stage. Jenteal gets into the face of Sanders and lets him give her oral, meanwhile Dough, St. Croix and Bubba start to get blown by missy overall. She’s blowing the guys under the table, and the show is just going on, without any major work. It’s an interesting scenario, but it makes no sense to the story, as a whole. After a bit of dancing, and the guys cum, Jenteal gets off the stage and pours a beer on Bubbas face! Then Jenteal says that she’s the boss and she is upset with Bubba because he was getting blown during her performance.

Bubba King gets mad, and then we are taken to a noir scene where Mike Horner is laughing. He points a fake gun at his moose, and laughs. We are then taken to the dressing room of Jenteal and there’s a fortune teller, a drag queen that says she will meet a man from Hollywood. But then, we are taken to a preview of the next movie, and that’s the end of this one.

I give “Stardust” a 3 out of 5.

In order to see the whole movie, you have to see more than just this movie. You have to see several “Stardust” movies, in order to get the whole story. This is ok, I guess. It’s got interesting sets, interesting comedic elements, and some great introductions to a larger story, but honesty, it’s lacking in the sex department.