Tracy Dick (1985) Review

Tracy Dick (1985) Movie Poster

First and foremost, I want to give a shout out to my friend Angela, as she was the one that helped me pick out this movie to review. It’s thanks to her recommendation that we are now going to venture back to the 1980s, for a movie that was supposed to be burned in the United States. I won’t get into every detail, but after a lot of reading, and supreme court essays, I’ve concluded that reviewing movies featuring Traci Lords is fine, all things considered. However, I’ve gone to great lengths to purchase legal copies of this, and not from the United States, but from Europe, Mexico, and other areas. Whatever the case may be, this is a Traci Lords movie that was supposed to be destroyed, and you can only get it via DVD-R, VHS, or through alternative means. My copy came from Spain, and had a Spanish dub track and an English track. The Spanish language track is hilarious. But I’m going to review “Tracy Dick” from 1985 in the English language. This is supposed to be a parody of "Dick Tracy" but without the noir style.

The opening of this movie has a hilarious custom song about the titular character, Tracy Dick. I found it hilarious, as it featured a great deal of comedy in the lyrics, and the style. It’s a classic 1980s style rock tune. The movie immediately gets to the action, and throws you into a “who done it” mystery. We are shown an office, Tracy’s office where she’s a private eye. She is reading a book about how to find the g spot, and starts to masturbate. She seems to be playing with some archaic toy, but I can’t make it out because the film grain is very bad on this transfer I received. She goes at it a while, but watching her is a nerdy guy played by Tom Byron. He’s a classic 1980s nerd stereotype. Tracy tries to explore some information about him, and he seems to throw a tantrum before Stacey Donovan shows up. It’s here that the story’s plot starts to work through as Tracy wants to get to the bottom of the peeping tom, and more. There’s comedy in this scene, and Traci can act. (Note, I’ll use Tracy as the character, and Traci as the actress back and forth, because it’s confusing, and kind of fun)

After the masturbation scene, and a phone call between the private eye, and what I assumed was Stacey Donovan, a threesome erupts. This features Traci Lords, Stacey Donovan, and Tom Byron. The thing that got me right away was the music. It’s a passionate score, with grainy pops and bad mix with the moaning and groaning over the top. Traci Lords teaches Donovan and Byron (the nerd), how to have sex, and it’s not half bad. Lords always seems to work well with Byron, and Byron has those classic nerdy good looks, and turns into a stud with relative ease. The scene isn’t half bad, and has a voyeuristic quality that isn’t half bad. But at one point the director decided to put the camera as close to the penetration as possible, and not with a good macro lens, so you’re going to get a lot of grainy movement and moans, and just odd sexual elements. I’m assuming this was done for the big screen, because on home video, this is just odd. Who can be turned on by this? This only lasts about 10 minutes, mind you, and Byron blows a small load, but you can’t really see much because the lighting is very dark in this movie.

The transitional stages of this scene furthers the plot, although it’s thin. Tracy wakes up Byron and discusses a little bit about the case at hand, and then we move to a lesbian scene starting, only to go into a full blown four way.

The sex scene here is supposed to be Heather Wayne, Jacqueline Brooks, Josephine Carrington, and Jesse Eastern, but my edited didn’t show all of the women. Instead, there was a scissoring scene, and a guy watching on his couch before joining the action. He watches the scene, and the women get so turned on that they get him to join the action, to a very muddy and not too sexy sequence. The lighting is really bad in this movie, and I do not have a remastered option, so it’s not that grand overall. Meanwhile there’s a transition where Stacey Donovan and Peter North are sneaking into a house, and that leads to sex as well. However, that doesn’t get immediate results, as the threeway, which is listed as a fourway starts, and it’s just boring. It’s an odd mix, with a little boredom and mechanics of sex. It’s not sexy at all.

Up next, without much of a transition, we get Stacey Donovan and Peter North going at it. Once again the director has decided to zoom in so close to the penetration and masturbation that you can barely tell what’s going on. I had a hard time making it out because it started to get quite blurry, and then the editing went back to a blow job from the threesome, causing this thing to just become muddled. It’s somewhat sexy, I guess, as there’s a hand job finish, but it’s so badly edited, and transitioned that it’s just not worthwhile.

Tracy and Tom show up to discuss the case as the sex scenes are done, and the movie transitions into another plot point before throwing in a sex scene. This is not a gonzo movie, mind you, but the pacing is certainly gonzo, as there’s nearly no explanation for what happens next. Jacqueline Brooks and Tom Byron phone it in if you ask me. Byron has little to no chemistry with Brooks, and it shows. The return of the super zoom is found here, and I wanted to bang my head into a wall. The director made some terrible choices here, and the music, and overall scene is just awkward.

If you have bucket list for viewing porno actors doing it, you may have Traci Lords and Peter North. Well, here you go, it’s what you expect, and it’s quite fascinating to say the least. It’s a serviceable scene, don’t get me wrong, and there are moments that the two do share some sort of chemistry, but if you ask me, Peter North is just in work mode, as he’s a professional, and Traci is just kind of there at times, and then into it at others. The director decided to not use a lot of zoom lenses here, and the picture is clear, with some minor lighting shifts. It’s still gritty, but it’s really just a point of history, more than anything else. If you’re a fan of Peter North, then this is a piece of archival history. The closing sequence here is one for the ages, as far as speed is concerned, but in a rare thing, you don’t get an epic Peter North finish. This was very much a quick romp, and then it was over.

There’s a funny transition to another scene, which is just plot heavy. Tracy Dick shows up to confront a few people, and there’s a bit of comedy work done by Tom Byron. Then you get Peter North discussing a few things with Tracy Dick, and the story of the “stiff” continues. This is awful acting, but what did you expect from a 1985 porno film?

After some interrogation, the movie switches to a lesbian scene. The 1980s had a lot of lesbian sequences, and they always seemed forced. But this one was genuinely interesting for the chemistry that Josephine Carrington and Traci Lords have. If you’re into lesbian sex scenes, this is an interesting one, due only because of the chemistry that the two share. Otherwise, it’s not that great. They do the “scissoring” thing again, and I recall South Park doing a segment about this type of thing. I don’t know if this is common or not, but for 1985, perhaps it’s a good feeling thing? I don’t know, I’m not an expert here, I’m just trying to make sense of the movie.

The story continues, but you know, it’s not even that great, I have no clue where the whole thing is going, and the story gets thrown out for a final threesome. This one features Tiffany Blake, Marc Wallace, and Tom Byron. The trio have sex on a couch, and it’s not a terrible scene, but it’s very much “work mode” for the trio. Tom Byron’s always interesting to watch, and his youthful looks reminds me of Mark Wahlberg from “Boogie Nights”. Tiffany Blake does a double penetration here, and that’s the point where things get a little interesting, as she seems to lose herself in the moment for a moment, but honestly, other than that, this is just an average scene with a DP finish.

That’s the end of the movie, by the way. If you stick around for the credits, you’ll notice the names of the characters include Tracy Dick, Arthur Dork, Mimi Furst, Angela Magnet, Maid, Out Patient 1 and Out Patient 2, alongside gaffers, makeup, art direction, still photography and more. Jell Productions copyright ends it, and that’s it. You get a 81 minute feature that is not going to win any awards.

I give “Tracy Dick” a 2 out of 5.

The movie was fine. The best part of it was the music. There’s a lot of music with saxophone, so it’s firmly in the 1980s genre. Other than that, the theme song was funny, and the movie had some interesting points, and plot that seemed to move into sex scenes, but other than that, it’s awful. The lighting sucked, the editing was tough, and the zoom elements made me want to quit watching anything transferred from a VHS tape.

You can find “Tracy Dick” in the United States from imported sources, VHS tapes from the past, magazines, and other random areas.

Did you see “Tracy Dick”? If so, drop me a line in the comments.