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| Sex Boat (1980) Poster |
There are 13 scenes in this movie, but don’t worry it’s not that long, so I’ll try to review it as swiftly as I can, but some things are going to be longer than others, 13 scenes, geez.
Loni Sanders and Mike Ranger start things off, and this movie gets to the sex within a minute or two. This scene throws you into what this movie is all about, and the production quality is quite good for 1980. It’s a “film” of course, so I’m sure it was shown on the big screen at one point. Loni Sanders is pretty, and her heels make this even more attractive. Mike Ranger is a harry dude, but he seems to be enjoying the process here, the two have a little bit of chemistry as they start to work through the strokes of sex. However, you can once again tell that the male here is a bit in the zone, and not really into it half of the time. Even when he tries to kiss Loni, it’s mostly tongue and just kind of for the camera, not really because they are passionate. Don’t get me wrong, this is a workable scene, and it’s not half bad, but aside from the latter half of the sex scene, this is not that hot. Loni is pretty though, and she keeps her heels on, so it’s not bad. When she gets on top of mike on a brown couch, I loved it, there was a moment of every day, nice sex in it, and her good looks, and long brown hair really captured a sensual element that made you stop thinking of this as porn. Then the camera flashes to Mike’s face, and meh, threw me off. This isn’t a terrible scene, but with the music, and couch setting, as well as the finish, it just isn’t that great. A good money shot at the end though, so that’s always fun to see.
The movie moves forward fast to another sex scene, I mean, only 9 minutes into this thing and there’s a three way scene featuring Caroll Ann Jackson, Copper Penny, and Kevin James. This is a more passionate play compared to the first scene. Kevin is a young man with boyish looks and gets kissed and aroused by two very lovely ladies. The movie slows down here allowing for a more passionate look at deep throating and sexual play. Kevin doesn’t last too long in comparison, or the editing makes him look a bit inadequate compared to the first scene, but it’s a good workable one with natural women, and lots of hair, with a cum shot into red hair, which is kind of cute. Not a bad scene, but definitely a bit swift by comparison.
Fans of masturbation scenes will enjoy Sylvia Benedict playing with herself in the back seat of a vehicle. The driver gets a full view from the rear view as she plays with herself, and that’s it. Oh well the driver starts to pleasure himself as well, and this is a very artsy scene, with some very mechanical movements. This is obviously played up for the camera, and it has a comedic element to it, but it’s kind of sexy none the less.
Up next we get the crux of the plot of this movie. Two men want to get onto a boat full of women, and they must dress like women to do it. That’s where the story really gets going, and well, we get the plotting and then finally getting on board a boat, and getting into the “swing” of things. The guys in drag are hilarious, and they stumble across some women on hammocks and others sleeping. Here the plot of this movie starts to get kind of funny, but of course, in all professional sex movie glory, we are treated to the next phase of sexual desire. One of the men goes in and starts going down on a sleeping woman, she gets turned on, and away we go.
Hillary Summers, Linda Reeves, and Turk Lyon get through an interesting little scene where sneaking on an all girl’s cruise turns into a lovely sexual encounter. I say lovely, but Turk keeps his drag clothing on for a while, but that slowly comes off for a full scene of sex. I’m not familiar with Turk, so it’s interesting to see him work here, especially with two lovely ladies. The two women give their best here, and Turk seems to have some good chemistry with the ladies. He’s not a super hung guy, and is quite hairy, but it seems like he works out well. I didn’t like his one finger technique at one point, but the women seemed to like it a little. At one point he climbs on top of one of the women and just gyrates like he’s going to die. It’s actually kind of funny to watch. But then I figured out that it wasn’t him! Oh ham, and I’ll explain…
The scene cuts midway into Terry Galko and Randy West, but the director decided to go back to the threesome at the same time! So if you’re planning on getting off to this scene, you have to deal with a back and forth that doesn’t make sense at all. There’s a fade in and out, and the threesome works well enough, but you also get Randy West and Terry juxtaposed, so that’s a bit odd. I don’t know what the editor was thinking but the splicing threw me off. You get thrown back to Randy West just going to town, in perhaps one of his best moments, as a young man obviously, not when he was older and doing Jenna Jameson. He really is quite the talent in this one, and the chemistry he has with Terry Galko is infectious. The scene moves from the threesome to this one fast, so while there are 13 scenes in this movie, you kind of get thrown into the action quick on this transition.
After these sex scenes, you get back to the comedy angle where the men are dressed as women and trying not to get caught. Of course, they looked like the worst cross dressers and people are starting to get suspicious, but they keep going forward with the ruse.
Moving right along you are treated to a lesbian scene next, and this is only about 30 minutes into the feature. A lot has gone on mind you, and this is the sixth scene to get thrown into the 30 minute mark of a 72 minute feature. Dana Dennis and Kelly Nichols are here enjoying a nice lesbian scenario while the men watch them from another side of the boat. The sun is out, and they are on the top of the boat enjoying one another, with their fingers, tongues, and not caring about whoever is watching.
Kandi Barbour, Randy West, and Turk Lyon are the next featured scene. But before getting to the sex, you are treated to some comedic elements featuring West and Lyon. These are as funny as the Tom Hanks show “Bosom Buddies”. It’s funny to me, as the two dudes look so much like men, that it is just hysterical. The premise here is just too much at times, but it gets sexy in no time. However, the acting is pretty bad, and the guys get found out. Before this, we see West and Turk biting women’s butts, grabbing breasts, and then just trying to get into the fray of an orgy in the women’s make up room. This clumsy scene is nothing short of odd, but it works I guess. The comedy here is just ludicrous. As the guys go around the cruise ship, trying to hide out, they end up going down to a spa. Yes, a spa on this ship. I’ve never been on a cruise, but perhaps there are spa settings? The guys run into a spa area and there’s women there, one of which is Kandy Barbour. The two guys take it all off and join her, and you know what happens next, right? Of course! Well, this is a fast scene, and it’s mostly just Barbour giving head to both men, and Randy West giving her some love from behind. This is a fast scene, and it’s not that sexy at all. It’s very “mechanical” to say the least, and it’s not even that graphic.
The movie goes forward into more dialogue, with the women talking about the rumors that there are men on the ship. This makes some curious, and others disgusted. The movie of course gives you more comedic timing, and elements as the men move forward with trying to seduce the women. This is a really good transitional moment, with the guys back in drag, dancing and having fun with the women, no one the wiser that they are men. This feels like an 1980s teen comedy to be honest, and the transitional scenes are just too funny at times, with West getting slapped by all of the women and Turk finding a woman to seduce and scoring. This plot just seems like it could star Cuba Gooding Jr. Oh, they did make a movie called “Boat Trip”, with a similar idea. Only a lot less sex.
Pamela Jennings and Turk Lyon go underneath a table and start to have a little fun. This is a fun scene, and definitely one of the highlights of this movie. Jennings gives Turk a lot of attention, and the two have great chemistry in such a closed space. The two have to be very careful as they are supposed to be at a party, underneath a table that is covered by a table cloth, so there’s not a lot of positions, etc. It’s just Lyon and Jennings going at it, with her on top. It’s about as hot a scene as I’ve seen thus far in reviewing porn. I liked it a lot. The two here seem to really love the process, and it works out great. The music is good, the direction is nice, and with limited space, the two still manage to throw in a lot of movement. Classic.
One of the men gets found out, and is almost thrown over the edge. But of course, this is a porn so it doesn’t go bad for him. Instead, 5 women want to get it on with him, and well, he’s the luckiest man in porn, right? Turk Lyon gets to have an experience with 5 women, and it’s all that you would think it is. It’s crowded, clumsy, and he is just having the time of his life. Lucky dude, but not a great scene. It’s sexy, but you can see that it was a bit rushed. Dana Dennis, Kelly Nichols, Linda Reeves, Renee LaPaz, Vicky Steele, and Turk Lyon do their best, but hey, it’s a 6 way with 5 women and one guy, not sure what you’d expect. I give Turk Lyon a lot of credit for this performance as he doesn’t finish even though he goes through 5 different women. Wow, what stamina. We should all be so lucky, right? There’s plenty of positions, plenty of moaning, and the music doesn’t throw you out. The director kept moving the camera in and out, zooming to one area and another, and it’s kind of odd, but this is just one man and 5 women, so take it for what that is.
If all of this story doesn’t really get you aroused, perhaps a robbery might? That’s what seems to occur in the next subplot, as pirates seem to have taken over the ship? I kid you not, there are men in pirate clothing showing up and getting some sex. Throw the rulebook out the window, this thing just went off the rails. Nicole Black and Greg Michaels go through a very neat little scene, and Nicole Black is just a lovely woman. She’s quite pretty, while Greg Michaels looks like a buffoon. Meanwhile, Little Oral Annie and Douglas Fairbank get some action in the cockpit, no pun intended. The juxtaposition of these two scenes feels rushed, and while there’s a little bit of a rough play, the sex is anything but sexy. It’s rushed, clumsy, and like the first time you get some, only not sexy. It works only for the fact that this is a movie and the sex is part of the plot, but it’s just not that sexy, it’s rushed, and well, rushed is all I can think of to describe it.
There’s more pirate love after a brief transition with one guy looking a lot like Ron Jeremy in a pirate costume. The scene goes to R.J. Reynolds and Cody Nicole. This scene like the other pirate scenes seems rushed. It’s straight to the action, no nonsense, no foreplay, just erection into vagina, and that’s it. I gues I expected more out of this, but at this scene you’re at the one hour mark and it’s time to close up this movie. This is not that sexy, but the two seem to have a little chemistry, just not enough to get sweaty. The lighting is bad, and the sex is standard, at best.
And of course we get more story, but at this point if you’re still watching the story, you’re a brave person. I am watching the full thing so that I can review it, and even I’m having a problem. The pirates meet the guys in drag and that leads to the worst fight scene since the last time I saw a fight scene. The guys in drag untie the women prisoners, the camera zooms away from the luxury liner, and we get one last scene.
The last scene features Sylvia Benedict and Turk Lyon. It’s a steamy scene that is given 4 minutes or so. Again, a brief sexual romp, but you have to remember, this was meant for porno movie theaters, so the sex isn’t epic sometimes. It’s a little more of the romantic kind here, with the two going through a few positions, and really just going forward with a little bit of action. Neither one going as hard as to get sweaty, and more like a married couple’s regular Monday night. This is a sterile ender, but it works if you’re watching it on the big screen and you want to get your money’s worth before the show is over.
The movie ends with a young woman getting picked up by what looks like her boyfriend. He doesn’t know that she’s been plowed on her trip. And that’s it, they drive away. The end sees Randy West becoming a captain on the ship, or at least dressed like one, and lots of women trying to get with him, but he avoids them, to get into the captain’s seat, and get blown by a blonde, and that’s “Sex Boat” from 1980.
I give “Sex Boat” a 3 out of 5.
It’s not a sexy movie, but it’s funny enough to watch it. If you watch your porn at full length, and don’t just fast forward to sex, then you’ll like this one. Otherwise, you’ll find it to be rushed, and kind of boring at times. I liked it enough, just didn’t love it.
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