Sperma-Lust (1991) Review

Caroyl Lynn's "Sperma-Lust" from 1991

For this review we are going to 1991. Back to when the cover made you want to rent a movie, and see something sexy. That being said, this movie takes us to a foreign land, to see Carol Lynn, Dirk Braeter, Eric Benson, Corinne Helner, Dietmar Z, Marine Cartier, and Gabriel Pontello in the classic, “Sperma-Lust”. I don’t know anything about this movie, other than it’s a foreign movie, and it has film grain, and looks like a real movie, not just a gonzo flick. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be any good, etc. It’s in a foreign language as well, so I can’t really speak to what they are saying. This movie was directed by Harr S. Morgan, and was distributed by Videorama. It was part of the Carol Lynn Pictures company, and was released in 1991.

We move forward to a scene where Carol Lynn is playing chess with an old man. She is getting thrown out of a home, and then the old man is helping her. We move in and out of different scenes that is in her imagination, and it involves sexual fantasies, and a random dude talking over cum shots, and random moments that are to come. This is an odd introduction of sorts, but the music isn’t half bad. Carol Lynn looks like a sister of Traci Lords, blonde hair, innocent looking face, and natural breasts. She has that European look, slightly open mouth, nice bright eyes, and an innocent look to her that makes this an interesting movie.

As Carol Lynn walks through her home, a random short dude shows up. He looks like Mtv’s Beavis, and brings her a phone. On the phone it’s a dude speaking German, I think. I can’t tell the language, sorry. But she listens to the phone, and then gets instructions, while the due just waits on her. I’m assuming it’s a butler. Carol Lynn sits down, and Dirk Braeter gets to his knees, and we get some soft piano music to start the sex. Carol Lynn is not shaved, and she starts getting oral from Dirk. Dirk has full pubic hair too, and he seems to please Lynn with relative ease. There’s a techno beat that starts, and the two engage in the most robotic of sex, with barely a moan from Lynn, and Dirk looking like he’s just lucky to get some, which makes this first sex scene a bit problematic on several levels. At this point, I start to realize that the set is not bad, the lighting is good, and the film grain makes this movie look more important than it really is. However, I found the sex itself, the pure sex to be boring. I get it, a millionaire is on the phone and wants to listen to the sounds of sex, but it’s mechanical and boring to say the last. There are multiple positions, and the background tapestry is cool, but Lynn’s subtle moaning, and final cum shot on her chest was just not worth price of admission. I got bored, and well, that’s not a good thing for a movie, but I must admit the set design is killer, so there’s that.

We move to another part of the mansion. I can only assume we are in a mansion, because Carol Lynn goes outside for a swim, and it’s still on the property. Lynn swims up towards Eric Benson and a blonde having sex on a diving board. The woman is only credited as “Girl”, but she’s a skinny blonde with medium size breasts, while Carol Lynn comes through with a black one piece swimsuit. Benson gets blown until Lynn comes in and starts to go with the lady and blow him, getting a duel blow job, and the techno music begins again. The scene is outdoors, has an orange tint, and is a little more enthusiastic compared to the previous scene. The girl is not fully lesbian, and it shows, with Carol Lynn forcing some of the movements here and there. Benson goes from position to position easily, he’s fully shaved, and anal looks good, but the women try to make it a little smoother, and it’s just not good. Lynn keeping her bathing suit on is still fascintaing, but the sex is just between Benson and the girl with no credit. After the cum shot, Lynn swims away, and that’s it. The camera shows Lynn going away and going back into her house.

Inside the mansion, Lynn goes and moves a chess piece, and then just looks at a list, and that’s it. It’s fascinating to see how pretty she is in a one piece swimsuit, in a porno that is meant to be far more sexy.

She goes out of a door and there’s a woman there with bondage gear. She hands it over to Lynn and she starts to get dressed. The two women go down to a garden area, and that’s where a woman in red fishnets is getting plowed by a random dude, while two other guys are masturbating. The performers here include, Christina Stevens, Carol Lynn, Corinne Hefner, Dietmar Z., Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson. There’s some techno coming through, and then we see the guys take turns with the woman, going in and out. Only one woman has sex here, and after the guys cum, it turns into a lesbian scene.

After the orgy, out Christian Stevens, a tall blonde, and Carol Lynn start to make out and have sex. The two start to kiss one another, then go into oral, and more. It’s a lesbian sex scene that seems to be more prominent than the other solutions overall. It’s a short scene, and does’nt get too hardcore before Lynn decides to leave.

Going forward, we see two women talking, and after some chess games, in comes in Dirk Braeter again, and this time he gets hard with Christina Stevens. Christina Stevens wears a tight black leather dress, and has big hair, and she pulls it up and lets Dirk get in from the rear. She moans a bit more than Lynn, and the two get started in doggystyle, while standing. The setting here is a real kitchen, with obvious German elements, including glasses, pots and pans, and more. The two go through three different positions, and eventually Dirk cums on Stevens’ pubic hair, and that’s it.

After the kitchen sex, we see Marine Cartier walks into a hallway, and there are two naked guys waiting for her. She’s fully shaved, and she gets on a small tuffet and starts to suck off Dirk Braeter and Eric Benson. She’s passionate here, the music shifts, and it’s not bad. Cartier has black hair, is thin, fully shaved, and has a unique look. Meanwhile, Christina Stevens watches on, and gets heated. The sex is fine, there’s anal, and there’s oral, and out comes Stevens to help too, but before it ended, we get cut to see Stevens talking to Lynn, and then back to the sex. The return sees double penetration, with Marine Cartier getting it in two holes, while Stevens gets in close to watch. This is somewhat slow moving, and just goes forward, if you’re a fan of DP, then you’ll like how this scene turns out, with the juxtaposition of Stevens’ fingernail polish, the two guys going in and out, and the camera staying in the action. Christina Stevens, Marine Cartier, Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson goes well here. The DP cums ends with cumming in both holes, well outside of the holes and that’s it.

The sex stops for a whlie, and we are sent back to the ktichen where Caroly Lynn and Christina Stevens start to talk and just speak to the past, and the future. They talk lovingly.

After the talking, Dietmar Z. Shows up and he’s naked, and hard. Carol Lynn starts to jack him off a little, and then sucks his cock. She is enthused here, and Z really gets up for it, as Lynn starts to really get into it, then he shoves aside a few things, and the two start to have sex on the table. The dud’s facial hair is epic here, and he’s not big, he’s just wide, and goes all in on Lynn. THis is a short sex scene, finished off by Z cumming on Lynn’s chest, and that’s it. Lynn moans a lot more here, and that’s that. The same kitchen set as before, mind you. After Z cums he leaves, and Stevens comes back to the ktichen to see what is going on, and rubs the cum all over Lynn’s chest.

After these scenes, Lynn is thrown out of the mansion, and runs into Gabriel Pontello. He gives her some sweet talk, and she gets on her hands and knees to blow him. The two stand up, kiss, and Lynn’s top comes down a little, then we see some stand up doggy to end the film, in a short manner. Pontello and Lynn have a short minor sex scene, with a lot of focus on Lynn’s moans and hand as Pontello pounds aay into a finish line that is somewhat less about passion and more about completing the task, and eventually cums, while Lynn furiously masturbates at the same time. SHe moans and nearly screams at one point, and that’s the end, end of the line.

I give “Sperma-Lust” a 2 out of 5.

This is not a great movie. The film grain is good, Lynn is attractive, but the sex overall is just robotic, with the sole exception being the 9 minute ending, which Lynn really gets into because she masturbates at the same time she’s getting pounded, and Pontello keeps pushing until he can’t hold on any longer. The director’s editing sucks, the music is horrible, and the lighting is hit and miss. However, as far as a European sex film, it works, and in a bind, you’ll probably like it.

What’s Butt Got To Do With It (1993) Review

WHat's Butt Got To Do With It (1993) 

Today we are going to be moving back to 1993 for a movie that was directed by Nic Cream, and has some good production value up front. The movie moves fast, and the story is simple, with production quality that is on the tip of the VHS scale. There is no film grain here, it’s comedically bad, but hey it’s 1993 and this is another movie. The movie we are going to review today is, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, and it stars Janet Jacme, Julian St. Jox, Ariel Daye, Tina Tyler, Lyndon Johnson, Ron Jeremy, Persia, Diana Knight, Dave Hardman, and Dick Nasty. These are not exactly all amazing names in the industry, but hey, they are in this movie from 1993, and we are going forward fast.

The movie starts with the credits, then we see a woman at a microphone about to sing. Her producer comes in and says that she’s singing wrong and that she’s stupid. He then goes off screen, and music comes through. We see things stop, and a large breasted blonde woman gets up and goes off screen. Then we see the singer and another woman talk, and the two discuss how the music world is so tough unless you give up something.

There’s a hard cut, and we see random women dancing around, and just shaking it. The sets here are real, the shadows point to that. They are not warehouse sets, this is someone’s apartment or house somewhere in the valley of southern California. The women dance for their producers, I’m assuming, and that’s about it. There is a lot of back and forth between the scenarios, and ultimately we end up with a Arsenio Hall looking dude, and an asian woman. Then there’s a random moment where it’s no longer the asian woman, it’s a short hair blonde. I’m not sure what the director was going for here, but eventually we see what I assume is Janet Jacme and Julian St. Jox having sex. This shifting camera angles and random moments, is just odd to me, but the sex starts and that’s ok. The two go through a few positions, both African Americans, and the lighting is terrible here. We get a couple of positions before Jox cumus, this involves anal at one point, and Janet swallows, and that’s the end of this scene.

After the scene ends, we get sent to a scene where a lady wants to be with her man in bed. He is writing, and he says, leave me alone, I’m trying to write. She tries to engage, and he’s not having it. The scene is very dark, the camera is very close, and shaky, and the lighting is horrendous here.

The camera switches and we are sent to a porn set, with hard lighting coming from the 4th wall, and shadows being cast all over. THere’s a dark green couch, and two brunettes kissing and taking off their dresses, while an African American woman starts to play with herself. This thruway features Ariel Daye, Persia, and Tina Tyler. The scene features oral, scissoring, masturbation, and lots of kissing. It’s slow moving, there’s not a lot of moaning, and it’s kind of boring if you ask me. I think these women may not be bisexual, as the performance leaves a lot to be desired.

We move to an outside scene and two women are talking. Apparently one lady is getting abused, and her man is cheating on her. She said she just needs to do one more album and things will be good. We then move to another scene.

This scene shows Ron Jeremy talking to the record producer, and he says that he wants to record an album with Spike and the Tina Turner impersonator, of sorts. Remember this is a parody of the Tina Turner story. The two argue, and then the producer tells his maid to suck on his friend, Ron Jeremy.

Lynden Johnson is a tall blonde woman with large breasts, and she takes out Ron Jeremy’s member to suck on it and that cues the music. The bass heavy music is horrible, the lighting here is again bad, but the set is a real house. This is not a warehouse set, this is someone’s house, so the lighting is a lot better, and the set dressings are also very good. Jeremy is not as fat as he is now, and he is ready for action as soon as Johnson starts to grab at his penis. Jeremy is killer with the one liners, and here is a good example of what a great performer he has been in the past, and well maybe in the present as well. He gets sucked off well by Johnson, whom I’ve never seen before in movies. “Must be from the virgin islands”, Jeremy quips, as he gets sucked off from Johnson. The sex is fine, she doesn’t moan a lot, and Jeremy spouts one liners as he has sex, and it’s not horrible, but the two lack chemistry, and it shows. Eventually he cuts on her face, and we see the end, and hard cut to a new scene.

We move to a patio party where all the industry insiders are hanging out, and then move to the inside of the house, and it’s our main character and Spike talking about leaving. She’s packing a bag, the outside is just talking, and things are going down on the inside. He says she cant leave and he owns her, and then we get a hard cut to the outside. Outside two women talk about how life is just stuck in a repeating pattern.




We then move to see Persia and Julian St. Jox talking, and while the ebony woman dances, the music kicks in and we get into a new sex scene. This time around it’s not bad, but it lacks that chemistry that you would expect from two people that actually want to have sex. This is a mechanical movement, and Persia is hot, but Julian St. Jox can’t wait to do anal, before he cums, and so you see that rush into sex, and that’s that. It’s not great, it’s not good, and well, it works. This is a warehouse setting, and the lighting sucks again, the music is lackluster, and the film grain just doesn’t work. This is duct taped together for sure.

After the scene, we get to another sequence where the main character wants to leave and she’s ready to go. But out comes two guys from the FBI and they flash their badges and say that our main character needs to come with them. She pleads her case, and she gets on her knees, and starts to get in on the blow job action. Diana Knight here gets into the sex, she blows Dave Hardman and Dick Nasty, and it’s not that good, but hey, she’s doing her job. This is done at someone’s house in a garage somewhere, and it’s lackluster, but it works in a pinch. There’s no DP here, it’s just threesome in the garage, before the film cuts out for me. Maybe there’s a resolution, but by the time I finish this thing, I’m ready for another drink and want to give up on it all.

I give “What’s Butt Got To Do With It” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Not even Ron Jeremy’s classic acting could save this picture. It’s horrendous, but hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.

Edward Penishands (1991) Review

Edward Penis Hands (1991) 

We come back to another movie from the 1990s. This time around we are taking a look at the movie that was a parody of a famous movie. You already know what to expect with this one, as they made 3 of them. This movie we are going to be looking into is none other than “Edward Penishands”. That’s right, the parody, and well here we go, this movie stars Alexandra Quinn, Sikki Nixx, Jamie Leigh, Jeanna Fine, Ashley Nicole, Domonique Simone, and Jon Dough. The movie is a direct parody of the Hollywood movie, and has a good overall script, although the movie is not filmed with that film grain, that you expect from other movies, but I guess that doesn’t matter as this is a porno, by the way.

The movie starts with a woman carrying a suit case, walking through a warehouse. SHe’s tall, blonde, wearing a green dress, and is continually saying, Hello. No, it’s not Adele, but it most likely can have some moments of hilarity. If this was Mystery Science Theater 3,000 you know they’d make that reference. This blonde haired woman looks to find who is in the warehouse, and she runs into a recluse. This recluse has penises for hands! That’s right, he has penises, and that’s it. Mr. Penishand asks the woman not to go, and we get into the story.

There’s a trendy soundtrack for the 1990s that comes into play, and we see the blonde take off her clothes. She lets down here hair, and she starts to suck Edward’s hands. I kid you not. He’s in full makeup. This is a jolting movie if you aren’t ready to see what is going on. The makeup job on Edward Penishands is great, and he looks like the Depp character, meanwhile the woman here is blonde, small breasted, and gets into the role. Edward begins with oral sex on the blonde, whom I assume is Alexandra Quinn. She has tan lines, and Edwards goes down on her with his tongue, and using his hands a little. After some time, we see Edward using both hands in both holes, and he’s fully clothed while you watch the penishands do their work. I’m not sure if this is eroticism or not, it’s actually kind of werid, and yet Quinn’s black pumps make it for me, so I guess there’s something to say. The set here is well lit, a warehouse setting with a bed, and that’s not bad. After some foreplay with the hands, Edwards gets his zipper open and Quinn gives him a blow job. Then the two get into doggy style and things get forward progress. The camera angle here is ok at best, and Edward stays clothed in doggy style, trying to hold on with his penishands. Quinn screams and moans and that really turns me on. This scene becomes grotesque, and yet I couldn’t turn away. Quinn’s screaming is what I want in a partner, I’ll say that much. After a couple of positions we see Edward cum through all of his penises, real and prosthetic, and that’s the end of the first major scene.

The scene ends and we end up going forward to another scene, where two women are talking on the phone. We see Quinn bring in Edward to a set that I is definitely in a warehouse studio somewhere. I can tell because of the shadows from the lighting. It becomes obvious that we are seeing this filmed on a sound stage, which isn’t bad, it’s well decorated, it’s just painfully obvious. The movie continues and we hear about Quinn’s daughter, and that Edward can stay and make himself at home.

We get a firm cut, and we are shown another bedroom scenario. This one features two women, Jeanna Fine and Jamie Leigh. Both are average looking women here, no implants, dirty shoes, and just average elements. The set is lit like a studio, and the shadows play to that regard. We see the women masturbate, use toys, and just go for it, with no real story to this, other than they are trying to get off. The two join one another in a bed and use toys then keeps going, and that’s it. The two just enjoy themselves. One brunette and one dirty blonde, both thin, no major large breasts, somewhat shaved, and that’s it.

After the lesbian sex scene, we see Edward looking at his hands, and that’s it. He starts to imagine things, and realize his past. It’s suppose to add a story arc to the movie, but it’s painfully thrown in place.

The movie continues and Edward is introduced to three new women. They are all thin, and they get sent away out of a room. We are left with Jon Dough and Quinn, while the scene fades to black.

Now we are taken to a bathroom where Edward is with two women. Domonique Simone is an African American woman with small breasts, and Ashley Nicole is a dirty blonde haired, thin woman with medium sized breasts as well. The two start to suck on Edwards hands, and he is just looking like it is pleasurable. The full concept here is Edward just playing with the women with his hands and then he cuts with his hands and it shoots out a little, and that’s it. It’s a short scene, and it’s not that fun.

Moving along, we get Ashley Quinn and Jon Dough talking about how sales are down for Quinn’s sex toy elements. Quinn signals Dough that she wants him, and that two start to kiss. The generic porn music comes in, and they begin. Remember, the set here is a warehouse, so the backgrounds are terrible, there’s blue painters tape along a window frame, the walls are way too high, and the interior is just stupid looking. At one point you can tell that there is no ceiling, as the camera goes too high. The sex begins with Quinn taking off her body suit and blowing Jon Dough. He’s not huge, but he gets into it fairly well. Quinn moans a lot, screaming at one point, and making her my new “it” girl to watch. Quinn and Dough go at it on a kitchen table, no condoms, and it’s just straight forward. The two go through two different positions, then Quinn ends up getting summed on in the back, as Dough finishes things off. That’s it. Not a bad scene, but not a great one either.

Next we are taken to a bedroom, in the same warehouse set that you’d expect from a porno sound stage. Here we see Edward trying to play with himself, then cumming, and running we hears that Jeanna Fine is coming through the door.

This fades, and we see Jeanna Fine and Edward meet in a warehouse where Fine finds out that he has penis hands. There’s a soft song that plays, and it’s supposed to be a love song, while Edward squirts cum from his penis hands and Jeanna Fine dances under it. This is beyond stupid, and yet it’s endearing somehow. This is a very young Jeanna Fine, so she doesn’t have enhancements, and is toned nicely, skinny, and has long black hair. As we move forward, we end up seeing the scene fade to black and send the two back to a location in front of a fireplace. There’s a cheesy song playing, and the two here start to kiss and go forward. Fine sucks on the hand penises, then the two start to have sex, but not before a blow job begins. This is not a long scene. Fine does have enhanced breasts as one angle shows, and she rides Edward while he is fully clothed, until he climaxes and that’s the end.

I give “Edward Penishands” a 2 out of 5.

I love Jeanna Fine, I always liked her work, and Quinn’s yelling during sex turned me on. However, the novelty of this movie really wears on me, and it’s not sexy after a while. Fine looks like a Chicago escort that I know, and well, other than that, I don’t really know what to tell ya. It’s not a great movie, it’s not a bad movie, but it’s definitely one to check out if you’re curious. It’s not going to win any awards or anything, but as a novelty sex film, it’s not half bad. I’d watch Jeana Fine read the dictionary, though. She’s hot.

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Review

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Poster

Before the year is over, let’s get into the world of the 1980s and see a movie that has some famous names, and some scenic backgrounds. This is a movie that ends this year with a huge bang, as you’re going to find that the stars here are from what I consider the golden era of adult cinema, even if there are others that will disagree with me. Who’s in this one? Well, let me just say, it’s one hell of a line up. The stars of this movie include, Amber Lynn, David Sanders, Beverly Bliss, Craig Roberts, Traci Lords, Tony Martino, Nicole West, Peter North, Gina Valentino, Rick Savage, and Greg Rome. This is a full scale production, with film grain, and a full theme song that sounds like The Go Gos and it’s not half bad. The director here is Mark Curtis, and the movie is from 1985, and it is called “Hollywood Heartbreakers”. So let’s dive into this classic from the golden era, as it’s one that you can’t find many places.

The movie starts with a blonde driving a BMW, and she picks up a car phone. It’s a guy named Tony and he says that she needs to get there fast. She says that she will arrive soon. That’s when the music starts to drop off a little, and we see a brunette that talks about wanting to suck off the guy named Tony. She starts to undress, showing off small breasts, red painted finger nails, red lips, light skin, and dirty talk. She talks like a woman that is having phone sex, slow and deliberate, and starts to strip off her clothes, until she shows off her pubic region, that has not been shaved at all. The music dims a bit more, and you hear her moaning a little as the camera goes up and down on the woman. The camera then switches to the driving woman, that is going up PCH in 1985, which is California, for those that don’t know.

Amber Lynn shows up at the door of David Sanders, and says that she was instructed to take care of a package. That’s when David Sanders starts to kiss her, and the porno music starts. A rock guitar riffs begin and Amber Lynn, a dirty blonde, with bright red lipstick starts to suck off Sanders from a limp starting point. The scene starts with a blow job, and full nudity, and no one is shaved here. If you’re a fan of the classics, you’ll love that the two get into 69 within 7 minutes of the movie, and Amber Lynn seems to really enjoy her work here, giving Sanders one hell of a blow job while he gives her oral on the other side, not minding the hair. Sanders isn’t huge, but he works with Lynn well enough. The camera work is bad though, the lighting is not great, and the shots of close ups are mired here and there with bad zooming in and out. The set here is a bit dark, it doesn’t look like a warehouse, but more likely a condo somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. The two go through a couple of positions, without condoms, and just go through the motions. Lynn doesn’t moan a lot, but a little here and there, and the music doesn’t fit the sex here, though I appreciate the attempt at original music. It’s not cliche at all, mind you. After some back and forth, and a bit of moaning, Sanders cannot hang on and eventually cums on Lynn’s stomach, pulling out and letting it fly, the camera slows down for it. Sanders lasts a while, but it’s not a marathon session at all. Lynn says that she takes good care of packages, and that’s it.

Next thing we see is Amber Lynn getting to a phone and saying that she needs to check in on the other girls. We see Sanders pull out some money and then put it into her purse, and that’s it. The scan ends, and then we are taken to another woman. This time around we see Traci Lords putting on make up, getting ready to meet a client, as she picks up her phone, on the sunset strip.

Before seeing any action, we get a cut scene with Beverly Bliss having sex with a random guy named Tony. Then spliced into that, is Traci Lords driving a car. I just wanted to point out that if she was so young, why is she driving on camera? She’s got one hell of a car too, and this is not stunt driving, or anything fake, it’s legit, she’s driving what appears to be a Thunderbird. She visits Tony Martino.

Before the sex starts, we get a strip tease with Lords coming down some stairs, then kissing Tony Martino. The two get fully nude and begin with a little foreplay, Martino sucking and kissing Lords’ breasts. The two are outdoors, in the backyard of a mansion, overlooking Los Angeles. Tony Martino goes down on Lords right away, and the music here is quaint, piano music. The lighting is bad, with lots of shadows, and lots of sunlight obscuring some of the natural shots. Lords moans and moves a lot here, before Tony finally puts his hardness into Lords doggy style. Martino is not a good looking guy by any stretch, mind you. At the 26 minute mark, though, the action gets faster and harder, and the music changes to a 1980s rock tune, which I appreciated. That juxtaposes Lords moaning and gyrations, which intensify as she nearly screams in pleasure. This could be the most intense scene I’ve seen with Lords in it, and Martino does his job well, ugly as he is, and the two work well enough as the music goes faster and Martino just loses himself in the situation. Martino can’t hold his load, after a quick changeover, and cums on Lords’ face and chest, then rubs himself on her after the fact. You can almost hear the director yell cut, but the two end up kissing as the final moments close on this scene, and we fade into another point. New music picks up, Lords picks up her cash, which is only 300 dollars, which is standard for an hour with a mid-range escort, right? Just saying.

We see another woman riding around in a car. We get a conference call, and it’s Tony with Traci and Nicole, and we get a little nod to “Charlies Angels” complete with music. We also see a bit of sex with the guy named Tony, and his chick, but we don’t see his face, yet. It’s just a lot of hair, and a close up of the in and out process of the sexual landscape.

The next scene shows Traci Lords and Nicole West arriving at a home in Bel Air. There’s a hard cut, and we see a darkened warehouse set, with a boring looking couch, and a flaccid Peter North hanging out naked. Lords and West go inside the home, and they start to play with North. Music kicks in, the women take their tops off, and we start to get forward progress. The sex starts with Traci Lords riding Peter North’s face, while Nicole West gives him a blow job. The two women take turns going at North at the 35 minute mark with a blow job sequence that is epic. I’m talking dual blowing, North nearly humming straight out, and the two women focusing on his member in a way that you don’t really see in modern era film. It’s like West and Lords wanted to outdo each other, or they were just into this that much, I don’t know, but this sequence is intense, and really something that elevates this movie’s rating a lot more than the previous scenes. After dual blow jobs, North gives Lords the Russian treatment, between her breasts, while West gives her oral, as the music starts to intensify with drums and 80s bravado. There’s a cool visual design flow here, with North having sex in doggy style with Lords while a chair with two hands seem to be on her breasts. If you’ve seen this, then you know! This is a very cool effect, while the background of the set has antlers everywhere, like it’s a cabin or something. North looks like he’s going to cum any second, and he really does seem to be enjoying the process with Lords, as she moans and quivers. At one point West gets in the action, and Lords gives North a rim job, then at one point it appears that West fists North at around 42 minutes. The edit shifts and goes back to straight sex with reverse cowgirl and Lords with North, but I know what I saw, it was very odd, but the director decided to cut a little of it out. If you’re a fan of natural sex, with hair, and all that jazz, you’ll like this scene, even if the lighting and set leaves something to be desired. Lords and West seem to really like each other, mind you, and North is just a willing party here, and keeps it up as long as he can. This is a lengthy scene for the 1980s, mind you. After the sex seems to get boring, North cums on the two women’s chest, and then we get splicing in some of the past sequences, and it’s all over with a nice blast from North. Not his biggest load, but a nice quality one none the less. The women squirm, the film slows down, and for whatever reason the director focuses on North’s face before we get a hard cut and a new scene.

Gina Valentino is driving, and picks up the car phone to find out that she has a date. Tony is scene having sex again, and it’s the same sequence that you got earlier.

At this point, you see that Gina is headed to Marina Del Rey California, and that’s a throw back for me, since I lived in the area for some time.

We move along and we get to a point where we see Gina Valentino stripping for Rick Savage. Savage watches on, and the two are going to be moving forward with ease. Valentino has small breasts, shoulder length, teased brunette hair, is all natural, yet has a pubic mound that is trimmed. She starts to masturbate, and Savage looks on. The two have sex, and it’s probably one of the most boring sex scenes I’ve seen in a long time. Savage looks like he is really concentrating here, and Valentino is just going through the motions, allowing her lover to just go to town. After some time in Doggy Style, Savage cums on the lower back of Valentino and that’s it, perhaps one of the most formulaic scenes I’ve ever seen, dropping the rating on this one a lot lower than the previous scene.

Up next, we see the same splicing in of sex from Tony, and we see Amber Lynn driving around. She eventually pulls up to a house, in a red dress, and talks to Greg Rome and Ron Jeremy poolside. They banter a little and then move inside.

We go inside with a hard cut, and everyone’s already nude. There’s a heavy bass line started, and a rock guitar with some nice drumming to go along, as we move in with the camera. The set here is a den from the 1980s, with bad carpeting, terrible looking couch, and of course that 1980s aesthetic in terms of filming. Rome gets blown by Amber Lynn, a tight blonde, while Ron Jeremy gives her doggy style. The thing to look out for here is the fact that Ron Jeremy is thin, and makes his penis look a lot larger, because of course it’s about 9 inches long, from what I’ve read. Either way, he is in his prime here, and he’s fit, and just goes for it with Lynn. It’s impressive to see Jeremy in his prime, not as the hedgehog later on, but rather his thin, progressive self. If you’ve read his book, then you know how hard working he was as a porno actor, director, and more. It shows here, as he steals the show here with Lynn. You get multiple positions, a threesome that lasts a while, and of course the cum shot with the crossing of swords several times, which is odd. Rome and Jeremy are big, close in size here, and Lynn tries to take them on both at the end with cum going on her face to finish things off. The music really gets good here, mind you.

We move along, and there’s a hard cut, and Amber Lynn calls in to Tony and we then see Tony’s face and the sex he’s been having, finishes up. It ends with a blow job and cum in mouth, and that’s the end of the movie. Tony is a pimp, and it’s all said and done.

I give “Hollywood Heartbreakers” a 3 out of 5.

Not even Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords can save the rest of this movie from boring me. However, Lords and Jeremy are in their prime, and if you can find this movie, good luck. It’s borderline illegal to have this. I was able to procure a copy while I was visiting Japan, and got this on Beta Max, because I’m insane. In the United States, you’ll have to get creative if you want a copy, otherwise, you cannot buy this from an affiliate or anything. Good luck.

South by Southeast (1997) Review

South by Southeast - 1997 DVD Cover

Well, I got a job. A 9 to 5 type of work, but that isn’t going to stop me from reviewing adult movies. Well, it kind of did for a while, right? Well, that’s changing soon, cause this time around we are going to be looking at the 1997 movie called, “South by Southeast” and it stars some well known people. For instance, you’ll find that this movie has Vicca, Tony Tedeschi, Brittany Andrews, TT boy, Nikita Gross, Tom Byron, Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North, and the director in a non sex role. The director here is Jim Enright, and the movie came out from Wicked Pictures. It’s a movie that is shot on film grain, and it is very much a Hitchcock throw back, but of course, it’s an adult movie so you have to remember that, since you may want to think of this is as high brow cinema. It’s not. But it’s also not a gonzo movie either, so if you’re the type that likes to watch full adult film, this is going to be one that will interest you. Without further run up, let’s talk about this 1997 big box vhs release of “South by Southeast” from Wicked Pictures.

The movie starts out with Tom Byron running around with a gun and a silencer. Meanwhile, there’s a villain that says he won’t come out! This bit of acting is a great starting point, and there’s a bit of comedy, and good acting here. The editing is top notch, and the set is a warehouse setting with a gun wielding Byron trying to get his man. Meanwhile, outside, we see Vicca and her Russian accent with a blonde haired woman. The two talk about how they have been taken advantage of, and that they are tired of working in the adult world. The two women here have Russian accents, mind you. Then out comes the two guys that we saw initially, running through a parking lot in the valley, and just playing “cops and robbers” with a funny looking gun. Byron goes around trying to shoot his man, and ends up finding a field guide for spies. He starts to read it, and it shows some information about what his next goal is, and the camera follows right behind him. Byron is in a suit that doesn’t fit him, and we see the credits begin.

The credits roll, finish, and we get moving into the movie. We see Tom Byron getting a review from his boss, which is played by TT Boy. The two get into an argument about how bad Byron’s work is, and TT Boy is great here. The set here is more than just a random porno set, mind you, and that’s something great in regards to the budget of course. In comes a very busty woman, with a thin waist, and tanned body. She’s decked out in latex, and she’s got very large breasts. She has blonde hair, and comes in and talks about some new case. She says that Nikita is the next person that they need to get, and Byron doesn’t want to do it at first. They are trying to scam Nikita and Vicca to catch them. This setup is great, and not too bad.

We then get a flash of the Hollywood Hotel, which are not apartment buildings with studios in them. I know this, because I once met an escort there, and we discussed the tech world, etc. Anyways, the scene shifts, and we see Vicca and a blonde talking, with the blonde nude, and the two just talking about working in porn, etc. This is not sexy. The set here is a hotel room, and it’s not bad, it’s just a random set. We see the blonde go forward with moving to a set, and she meets up with Tom Byron at a mansion, dressed in heels, and a nice skirt. She has blonde, curly hair, and it’s not a bad thing. Byron ties her up, and well, we get moving into the plot. There’s no sex in this adult movie for the first 10 minutes, mind you, it’s all story.

The movie progresses and we see Tony Tedeschi dressed up like a maid, and he gets into the room of Vicca and talks about how he’s a spy. There’s some music that starts, and Vicca asks Tony Tedeschi to prove that he’s a man! This is the studio set that’s supposed to be a hotel room. It looks like a motel set in a warehouse, and nothing too complex. Your lighting is coming from overhead, although there’s lamps and cheap furnishings in place, however, the lighting and shadows are coming from studio lights, and it shows. At the 14 minute mark we start the sex. Vicca is a red headed, thin, Russian porno star with C cup size breasts, is 5 foot 10, and light skin. Tedeschi isn’t huge, but he’s a mainstay in 1990s porno movies. Vicca has red heels in this, and she pulls herself naked fast, with Tony and her kissing a great deal as the movie progresses into sex. The camera gets in close for this, and the two seem to have a little chemistry as the foreplay continues. Vicca and Tony work through a couple of positions, nothing too crazy, and he has a condom on. He finishes on her pubic region, and she moans a bit through the process. The scene doesn’t last long, and as far as sex is concerned, it works, but it’s not grand at all. If you’re a big fan of Vicca, then you’ll love to see her moaning and enjoying Tony’s thrusts, as he picks it up to a fast pace at 23 minutes. He can’t hold on though, and cums with Vicca squirming a bit, and the camera going in close. It must be rough to not go back in after cumming, but it happens, and Vicca and Tony kiss a little before he gets his maid’s uniform back on. Tony has a fake English accent, and Vicca tells him that Nikita is not a spy or anything that they need to worry about.

Next we see an interesting play on visual design flow. We see TT Boy and Tom Byron talking again, this time they bring in the blonde. There’s a point where the movie shifts to show you an African safari, with the blonde being the prey that has been captured, but that moves back to the regular office, and we see discussions about why she’s captured, mainly as bait for their main goal, Nikita. As the scene changes, we are still in an office set, and TT Boy says that he’s tense, and needs some relief, which means he’s going to get some, right? Yep!

The next sex scene features TT Boy and Brittany Andrews. Andrews is a tall blonde haired woman with large breasts, and a thin waist. TT Boy pulls his pants down and Brittany Andrews starts to suck him off, with the music starting, and TT Boy getting hard as a rock for this sex scene. Andrews here gives a passionate blow job before TT Boy puts on a condom and starts to have sex in the office setting. The office looks like your average private eye looking spot, so it’s nothing too extreme. I could totally see this with 3 walls in a warehouse from Wicked, and recycled from other sets. There’s an interesting lighting element behind the two, and you can tell it’s not a “real office”, so to speak, it’s a nice setup none the less. Andrews augmented breasts are nice, she has a pubic piercing, and has a nearly shaved pubic mound when TT Boy gets started, condom already on. I never understood why they didn’t use lubed condoms, this one is dry, and it shows. It’s a magnum, as I can tell from the latex, and if you’re a fan of big breasts, Andrews moans and seems to enjoy things as the director shows you across several different angles. My personal favorite element of this sex scene is that Andrews wears black heels as TT Boy goes faster and faster around the 36 minute mark. In a close up angle of the penetration, from underneath, you see the warehouse ceiling, breaking the illusion that is occurring, but hey, who cares, right? Me! The heels and Andrew’s large breasts and TT Boy’s cum shot makes this one worthwhile, and definitely one of the better scenes in the movie. IT definitely got me heated.

Nikita Gross is a tall, skinny, dirty blonde, and she is taller than Tom Byron. She has a Russian accent here, and it should be noted that this is not Nikita Denise, it’s a blonde that reminds me a little of Phoebe from Friends mixed with an old boss that I used to work with. Byron and Nikita start to kiss, and there’s a soft piece of music playing underneath them. This is at the mansion that we saw previously, and it’s well lit, well designed, and has some really cool decor. The Elvis painting for instance in the hallway is really cool, and while the main focal point of the director’s movements goes to sex, I can’t help but notice the decor on this set. Tom Byron starts things off by giving Nikita oral, her pubic area not shaved completely, and his tongue working through the gyrations and wetness that proceeds. When the blow job starts, you really get a feeling for Nikita’s performance, as she really puts on a show. IN fact, it’s one of the best blow job starting points that I’ve seen in a long time, and one that you may want to book mark if you stumble across it. I’d suggest buying this movie just for that, as Nikita really makes the fantasy come alive. There are a lot of different positions here, mostly for the camera, mind you, and around the 50 minute mark, Byron unloads a cum shot that gets in Nikita’s hair, and mouth, but it’s not a big load. She sucks him off after the cum shot, and that elevates this movie to all new levels.

Nikita at this point asks if she’s going to get let go, since she’s a prisoner, remember? Anyways, Byron says, no, and the story continues. Mind you, this is 50 minutes into the movie. Nikita says, “I had sex with you”, and he says, well we are running out of time, so we need to hurry along and squeeze in more sex.

We are taken to a warehouse set again, this time it’s Peter North in fatigues. He’s at a desk at a government building, and he starts to talk. He lights a cigar with a joke looking bomb and he’s called Colonel Mustard. In comes Agent Orange and Vicca. There’s a joke here, as North threw a cartoon looking bomb and it blew up in Agent Orange’s room. However, Vicca comes in wearing a see through dress, and North spews his lines. Orange is played by Tony Tedeschi here, and the three talk about how Nikita got kidnapped, for mistaken identity. Vicca here is so hot, I can’t stand it. Had I not had to maintain professional integrity, I’d be stopping this review to enjoy the following sequence. Peter North asks for inspiration, and Alyssa Love comes in to help, which of course is a signal for sex, right? You know it.

Alyssa Love has a blonde streak in her brunette hair, and Peter North gets her to sit on his lap. She has a black thong on, and starts to undress, meanwhile, Vicca and Tony Tedeschi sits on a black couch. After a little movement, we get a shot that moves away to show the rest of the set, which is a 3 wall brick walled office. Alyssa Love has black heels on, making her look taller than she is, and is completely shaved. Tony Tedeschi starts things off by giving oral to Alyssa Love, a stunning beauty, but with a zit on the outside area of her anus and vagina. Now, when I was on sets in the past, they would use make up, but with Tony Tedeschi’s tongue is lapping it all up, so he doesn’t care, but as a viewer, I’m a little turned off, just saying. In real life, I wouldn’t care, but as an art form, come on! This scene has a four way with Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North and Tony Tedeschi, and it’s really good. North gets blown by Vicca while Love gives her oral, and Tony continues with Love, so you get a good mix of oral to start this off, all on the classic black couch of porno worlds. The sex begins, and of course it is all with condoms on as usual. Vicca and Peter North go for it first, and the camera lets you in on the back and forth. If you wanted a lesson in safe sex, here you go. While Vicca and Peter North have sex using a condom, Tony and Alyssa Love don’t, so the camera moves around little showing you examples of safer sex and straight forward doggy style with no condom at all. The moans and groans get heated at the 1 hour mark, and the camera shows you the penetration fully, making this an interesting little flick. After a bit of moaning and back and forth, we see the two guys cum on the faces of the actresses, and it’s not half bad, but it’s not great either. Syncrhonizing summing is tough, and I expected a Peter North cum blast, as I see Alyssa Love’s tongue ring, but as Tony finishes, and Vica blows him, North blasts Love in the face, and it’s quite good overall, which is an interesting sequence, and then Vicca starts to help him get off again, while Love sucks him off.

The next thing that you are going to notice about this movie is that it follows up all of this male on female action by giving you a lesbian scene with Nikita and Brittany Andrews. The two have sex outside, and they use their tongues, hands, and the camera plays on the more "playboy" type of scene, with soft lighting, even for outdoors, and it's not really that intense at first, but over time it became better and better. If you're a fan of lesbian scenes, then you'll love this one. Nikita and Brittany Andrews in a lesbian scene? You know what you're in for here, as it's outdoors and it's well lit, overlooking a good view.

After the scene, we get back to the story, and the end of the movie showcases some comedic gun play, and the final moments of mistaken identity, catching the bad girls, and lots of comedic one liners that are just bad. If you're a completionist of porno movies, then you'll love the story going into the final stages without any sex, and giving you a complete script. It's fine, but it abandons the source material long before this ever concludes. They tried, right? Of course.

I give "South By Southeast" a 3 out of 5. 

There are two great sex scenes here, and the foursome was good, even if there is an odd point where Peter North looks over at what Tony Tedeschi is doing harking back to his Matt Ramsey days. Overall, 3 out of 5 is the best I can give this overall.

This movie is available for streaming, and downloading and you can get "South by Southeast" by clicking here. 

Private Penthouse 3: Dangerous Things (2000) Review

Private Penthouse 3: Dangerous Things (2000) 

We are back, and this time we are venturing to the year 2000. It’s here that we are going to be discussing a movie that was released by the studio, Private. They released a movie directed by Antonio Adamo, and stars some known and unknown talent. The people that star in this movie include Silvia Saint, David Perry, Lea De Mae, Carmen Santana, Franco Roccaforte, Nacho Vidal, Christina Bella, and Katja Love. There’s an unknown male thrown into the mix as well, but overall, this movie is an amalgamation of different scenes. The movie is also referred to as “Dangerous Things” so you may see it out there under that name. If you’re a fan of Silvia Saint, then you know what to expect for a lot of this, but overall, there’s an interesting sewn together theme for this movie.

I was expecting the movie to have more of a plot, but as the 2 minute mark approached, I realized that this was a dreaded, gonzo movie. I hate gonzo pictures, but I know that it’s part of the industry as a whole, so in that regard, what do I have to lose in reviewing this? Readers? There’s not a ton of those here anyways. So here we go.

The opening scene features Sylvia Saint and David Perry in an office. They are both dressed well, and there’s great lighting here. The lighting resource is great because this is a set that is not in a warehouse, they legitimately got a set to film in, and it looks great. The camera and sound design are professional as well, with a nod to 35mm at times, making it look like a “film” not just another gonzo picture. For that, I give them credit. Sylvia Saint is a blonde, thin, red lipped star, and she has medium sized breasts, and a lovely face. Saint and Perry start to kiss, and the music kicks on, soft, and passionately, the two get to the motions of sex quickly. The two have sex in an office setting, and Saint doesn’t moan much. It’s robotic overall, and while Perry is hard throughout, Saint throws me off because she keeps looking at the camera, her bright eyes telling you that she’s at work, and well, it’s fine. After some changes in the positions, Perry cues on her face, and that’s the end of the scene. It’s not a great scene, not a lot of passion, but it’s functional, which is sometimes all you can ask for.

After the Saint scene, we end up going forward to a new locale. This new option features Lea De Mae and David Perry in a new room. The room is well lit, with lighting that is high up, and quite good overall. There’s no story here, it’s just kissing, fully clothed, another blonde and David Perry. Lea De Mae is pretty, a blonde with skinny frame, and nice face. Like Saint, only taller, but still looking good. David Perry and Lea De Mae start to kiss, and get to the sex quickly. The music prevents you from hearing the moaning. I hate that. This was a bit of sterility overall. David Perry does well here to have sex with Lea De Mae, she wears black heels, and wow, she’s pretty. Perry and De Mae have sex until Perry cums on her face, with a blow job ending, and that’s it. It’s the end.

Next up, we see an interesting point of story line with Sylvia Saint in an office answering her phone and talking. We are supposed to get a story, but the dubbing is so bad here, that I can’t really understand what she is saying here. The movie continues and we see Sylvia signing books. Saint talks about how she wants to have a vacation, and ends up at her desk, trying to write a novel. We see that she is a writer, and she talks about how hard it is to write a novel, and how badly she wants a man.

The scene cuts and we end up seeing Sylvia Saint nude at her desk. This seems like a warehouse set, and she simply starts to masturbate. If you’re a fan of solo, masturbation scenes, then you’ll like this one. Saint is shaved, has light skin, French tipped nails, and skin like milk, soft, and pretty. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s all you get here.

After this scenario, Saint calls a bearded man, and talks about taking a meeting. She then is shown at an office set. You can tell it’s a set because the lighting and shadows hit from the outside not at angles. Saint looks like a doll here, dressed up, and using a giant cell phone at one point. Her bright eyes taking over the scene, and you really wonder if she’s a porno star. She has that interesting, blonde hair look that really doesn’t seem to fit the motif of porno stars. This is 2000, mind you. The scene shifts and we see Saint driving around in a jeep, and she meets up with Nacho Vidal. Nacho is just randomly in a parking lot, and we see her pick him up.

She drops off Nacho, and then goes back to an office. It’s in her office that she starts to think about masturbating again, and the camera shifts to her nude, on a couch, and pleasing herself overall. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s it here, a slow moving solo scene, that is shot like a Playboy video rather than hardcore, although you see it all.

Moving along, Saint shows up at a tiki bar set, and she is drinking. She’s all dolled up, has the brightest green eyes, and has a small white dress on. She meets up with a couple and they invite her to drink and party.

The sequence immediately shifts. We see a juxtaposition of black and white scenes, and Carmen Santana with Sylvia Saint starting to disrobe. Santana is an African American woman, and Sylvia Saint is there with her, as they start to please Nacho Vidal, Franco Roccaforte, and another man. This is artsy, slow moving, you don’t hear a lot of the bumping and grinding, and the camera shifts wildly many times. The ending showcases several cum shots, but it’s very much trying too hard to be “artsy” for no reason, when the viewer may want just hardcore. The scene does start with Saint and Santana blowing their male performers, but it’s not with passion, it’s slowed down, it’s just average at best, and while there’s no condoms, it’s just not what you’d expect from a hardcore scene.

This all ends, and we see Saint talking to the bearded stranger, and then we fade to her on a bed, with a purple underwear set, all alone, and thinking about the dude, and the overall options she has for her book. Remember, the plot of this movie started with Saint as a writer that was having trouble figuring out her next story, and so she’s on an adventure of sorts. She sits up in her bed, and starts to think about the bigger picture, and we get a dream sequence. Mind you, this is only 52 minutes into the movie.

Saint goes to sleep, and she dreams of a cave. The camera goes down the cavern, and there we see Chrstina Bella and Franco Roccaforte in a ritual sex position. It’s artistic, it’s simple, and it lacks passion, but it’s an interesting visual. Roccaforte starts by going into Bella bareback, the juxtaposition of skin, and costumes is great, if you’re a fan of interracial sex. Bella is thin, has small breasts, slightly shaved, has long black hair, and Roccaforte is a machine, mechanical in his pushing, and wears a mask. There’s anal at one point, and after a while, Christina Bella blows Roccaforte for the ending, and while she doesn’t do deep throat, it’s sensual enough to attract most. There’s a facial and we finish the scene, and that’s it.

After this sequence, we fade to a boat. A sail boat at sea is what’s next and we see 4 people hanging out, just looking good for the camera, before we separate. After some views, we see Sylvia Saint and Nacho Vidal kissing and getting to know one another. This starts with Saint looking at the camera, and taking off her clothes, while Nacho worships her butt to begin. Saint starts to blow Nacho, and there’s a juxtaposition where we see Lea De Mae and Franco Roccaforte on another side of the boat. This sequence is a back and forth blow job between the individuals. It’s not bad, it’s just overly dramatic, with music, and outdoor lighting that is just boring. You don’t hear it, you see things slowed down a bit, and it’s artsy, but not necessarily good. As an art house film, this works for sure. The slow motion sex stuff really throws me off, and while it’s hardcore, and the women seem to be doing their thing, the guys are robots here, and the movie lacks that “it” factor. There are some cum shots shown, and they fade into another scene.

After the scene fades, we see Sylvia Saint sitting on a couch. She is wearing a dress, has her hair slicked back, and has heels. She talks on a cell phone and the story continues to work through the motions.

We move into a scene where Nacho Vidal and Sylvia Saint have sex on a beach. Saint is fully shaved here, Nacho is shaved, and he just goes into Saint slowly, and the camera pans, shows the “art” of the film, and tries very hard to create an interesting focal point. Several positions change here, and Saint looks at the camera while Nacho gets to work, at one point just pushing through and trying not to cum, before he eventually can’t hold on. The scene ends with Saint masturbating and blowing Nacho, to finish. The lightning here is great since its outdoor, Saint doesn’t swallow, however, her eyes are so compelling that you don’t even realize that she’s blowing Nacho at one point. The director decided to slow down and speed up the scene, and that sucked, I couldn’t stand that, but hey I’m not the director.

After all of this goes down, we end up seeing a club scene. This is a set of course, and here we see Katja Love, David Perry, and Leslie Taylor all working into the sex. We start with blow jobs on every guy, with one dude barely getting hard, then we go immediately forward to the sex on a dance floor. This is an interesting sex romp, as we see musicians playing int he background. This is a sterile sex scene again, and while Katja Love, and Leslie Taylor are pretty, thin, and have long hair, the dudes seem uninterested at several points. Isabella, Lea De Mae, Sandra Kay, Alberto Rey, Franco Roccaforte, and Nick Lang join in at the end, and this is all done without condoms, with a focus on the music, and changeover overall. The musicians in the background look board, and it’s funny to see them get mixed up in this, not knowing what they signed up for. After some time, we see the men and women finish, with cum shots here and there, and a finish with the bearded guy smoking, while Sylvia Saint wakes up from her dream.

That’s the end. After all of that, we see Sylvia Saint having some quick memories before the movie ends without much of a bang. The ending shows a random dude playing piano, artsy, and weird, and that’s it. He looks at the camera and smiles a little, Saint wakes up from a nightmare, and that’s that. The end.

I give “Dangerous Things” a 2 out of 5.

Sure, you could technically get off to this movie, but the artsy elements make you wish this was a better film. The grain at the start shifts, to a low quality element towards the last scenes, and the story makes no sense. I guess I expected more from a Sylvia Saint movie, but at the end of the day, it’s hardcore, it’s artsy, and well, it works ok enough.

Sweet Stuff (1991) Review

Sweet Stuff (1991) Box Cover

Today we are going back to 1991. This was a few ways back to something we don’t often review, a movie that stars a dead porn star. Oh, we do review those movies often. Well, here we are, this time we are focusing on the movie that was distributed by Venus 99. The movie is called “Sweet Stuff” and it was directed by Rex Cabo, he was listed as Hy Lancewood. The movie stars a few notable faces, including some that are synonymous with porno by this point and beyond. The movie stars, Cathy Collins, Jake Steed, Kylie Channel, Kym Wilde, Leanna Foxx, Ron Jeremy, Savannah, Tom Chapman, and TT Boy. I’m a fan of a few of these people, but the main focal point of the marketing, and the movie itself is going to be focused on Savannah, even if she’s not in a lot of the movie. Whatever the case may be, we are going to dive into “Sweet Stuff” from 1991.

The movie opens with someone getting oral, but I can’t really tell who they are. The credits roll on top of the sequence, and we begin the slow process of introducing everyone from the stars to the directors, music, and more. This is a simple, slow, and easy to follow through starting point. From there, we end up looking at Ron Jeremy talking to Kylie Channel. They have their clothes off already, and we know that the movie is going to be moving forward with sex, right? Of course!

Ron Jeremy isn’t nearly as fat as he is now, and he is talking to Kylie Channel here. They are talking about random things, nothing in particular, no major script. Jeremy is great with improve, and he’s got some shorts on while Channel is looking at him. She has light skin, long black curly hair, and is wearing a tight black dress. Jeremy is the Hedgehog, and is full hedgehog here, and the moves fast. He starts kissing Channel, feeling her up, and away we go, it’s time for the music, and it comes in. The set is a warehouse, couch setting, and it’s mechanical to start. Jeremy watches Channel dance a little, and you can see the shadows from the studio lights shining through. The sex begins, and we see some movement from both sides, including a steady blow job sequence, and Jeremy’s facial expressions leading the way. Channel moans a little, they switch through oral, and into straight sex, and it’s not bad, but not great either. Jeremy holds on for the most part, and Channel does a great deal of the work. After doggy style, it appears that Jeremy gets winded, and cuts on Channels’ butt and back and that’s the end of the sequence.

We move to the next scene, and it’s not story driven. It’s Savannah sitting on a couch, and Tom Chapman. Savannah is not shaved, but she smiles at some points through this, and Chapman is not a large guy. To say that the sex is boring is an understatement. The two go through the motions, but it’s lackluster on all levels, and it’s sad to see such an icon going through the pay check mode of porn. I guess that’s the breaks, right? The lighting is good, the warehouse den setting is good, but overall, it’s a lackluster scene with the beautiful Savannah looking good as usual, and chapman trying his best not to cum too fast. Nothing too fast here, slow moving, a few positions, Savannah wears a pair of white boots, and we get to the finish line with a cum shot on her pubic mound, and that’s it. She’s not into this at all. I’m not sure why so many are so hung up on her.

We move along, and we see Kym Wilde, a brunette with large breasts sucking off Jake Steed. He’s got a large one, and Wilde seems eager to get things started, and that’s where we see a moment of clarity for this movie. The rest of the scenes are mediocre at best, but this one, starts to work well as Wilde gets forward moving for a blow job. Now, the setting is an average bedroom, lighting from the flood lights of studios, and a bed that is an obvious set, not a real home. It’s 1991 afterall, right? For such a large guy, Steed has boring sex, and Wilde doesn’t moan a lot, though the two have a slight bit of chemistry together. After some sideway sex, Steed can’t hold on, and he cuts onto Wilde’s pubic region, which is not shaved completely. The lights dim, and we are rushed to the next scene. This had promise at first, but like many first time porno stars, the load is blown too early. Wilde looks good, but in this scene, she’s wasted for the camera. I liked the attempt at 69 at one point though, always fun.

The scenes switch up and we see a random warehouse set with a couple of couches. Here we see Cathy Colllins and Kym Wilde standing and arguing about who gets to be with TT Boy. They pull down his pants and start to get to work to get him hard. TT Boy is not hard at all for the first few moments, and it is a bit odd to see. However, Kym Wilde really gets to work here, with a stellar blow job to get him up and at attention. Cathy Collins is a thin haired, red haired woman, and of course we’ve seen Wilde in this movie already. This thruway is one of the best parts of the movie, so if you’re looking for an exciting run down, this is going to be the scene to scout out. The sex is strong, TT Boy goes within both women, no condom, and just does his thing, on a white couch. THere’s a lot of moaning, and a lot of terrible rock music in the background. The way the camera works and the lighting here just screams warehouse set, but that doesn’t matter that much, as the three really do a lot to make this scene work. Honestly, they have a lot of chemistry, and it’s a great sequence of sex. Eventually, TT boy cuts on Collins’ back, and that’s it. This was a performance of epic proportions if you ask me, TT Boy delivers again.

The final scene is Kym Wilde and Leanna Foxxx in a lesbian scene. There’s some soft piano jazz music, and nothing too crazy here. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like it that much either. Foxx has very large breasts, black hair, and moans a great deal. The novelty jazz music threw me off, and honestly, I couldn’t imagine watching this further, but alas, I went forward cause it’s my job. There’s a 1980s music point, where dildos come out, and then we see the two women get into it with vibrators, and well that’s that. The movie ends there. The music is stellar though.

I give “Sweet Stuff” a 2 out of 5.

The best part of this movie is definitely TT Boy’s epic performance. He steals the show going through two women, and making sure each one had a lot of attention. That impressive option is definitely a great push forward. Other than that, Savannah fans will like her boy girl scene, but It wasn’t for me. This movie was basically a gonzo flick.