Edward Penishands (1991) Review

Edward Penis Hands (1991) 

We come back to another movie from the 1990s. This time around we are taking a look at the movie that was a parody of a famous movie. You already know what to expect with this one, as they made 3 of them. This movie we are going to be looking into is none other than “Edward Penishands”. That’s right, the parody, and well here we go, this movie stars Alexandra Quinn, Sikki Nixx, Jamie Leigh, Jeanna Fine, Ashley Nicole, Domonique Simone, and Jon Dough. The movie is a direct parody of the Hollywood movie, and has a good overall script, although the movie is not filmed with that film grain, that you expect from other movies, but I guess that doesn’t matter as this is a porno, by the way.

The movie starts with a woman carrying a suit case, walking through a warehouse. SHe’s tall, blonde, wearing a green dress, and is continually saying, Hello. No, it’s not Adele, but it most likely can have some moments of hilarity. If this was Mystery Science Theater 3,000 you know they’d make that reference. This blonde haired woman looks to find who is in the warehouse, and she runs into a recluse. This recluse has penises for hands! That’s right, he has penises, and that’s it. Mr. Penishand asks the woman not to go, and we get into the story.

There’s a trendy soundtrack for the 1990s that comes into play, and we see the blonde take off her clothes. She lets down here hair, and she starts to suck Edward’s hands. I kid you not. He’s in full makeup. This is a jolting movie if you aren’t ready to see what is going on. The makeup job on Edward Penishands is great, and he looks like the Depp character, meanwhile the woman here is blonde, small breasted, and gets into the role. Edward begins with oral sex on the blonde, whom I assume is Alexandra Quinn. She has tan lines, and Edwards goes down on her with his tongue, and using his hands a little. After some time, we see Edward using both hands in both holes, and he’s fully clothed while you watch the penishands do their work. I’m not sure if this is eroticism or not, it’s actually kind of werid, and yet Quinn’s black pumps make it for me, so I guess there’s something to say. The set here is well lit, a warehouse setting with a bed, and that’s not bad. After some foreplay with the hands, Edwards gets his zipper open and Quinn gives him a blow job. Then the two get into doggy style and things get forward progress. The camera angle here is ok at best, and Edward stays clothed in doggy style, trying to hold on with his penishands. Quinn screams and moans and that really turns me on. This scene becomes grotesque, and yet I couldn’t turn away. Quinn’s screaming is what I want in a partner, I’ll say that much. After a couple of positions we see Edward cum through all of his penises, real and prosthetic, and that’s the end of the first major scene.

The scene ends and we end up going forward to another scene, where two women are talking on the phone. We see Quinn bring in Edward to a set that I is definitely in a warehouse studio somewhere. I can tell because of the shadows from the lighting. It becomes obvious that we are seeing this filmed on a sound stage, which isn’t bad, it’s well decorated, it’s just painfully obvious. The movie continues and we hear about Quinn’s daughter, and that Edward can stay and make himself at home.

We get a firm cut, and we are shown another bedroom scenario. This one features two women, Jeanna Fine and Jamie Leigh. Both are average looking women here, no implants, dirty shoes, and just average elements. The set is lit like a studio, and the shadows play to that regard. We see the women masturbate, use toys, and just go for it, with no real story to this, other than they are trying to get off. The two join one another in a bed and use toys then keeps going, and that’s it. The two just enjoy themselves. One brunette and one dirty blonde, both thin, no major large breasts, somewhat shaved, and that’s it.

After the lesbian sex scene, we see Edward looking at his hands, and that’s it. He starts to imagine things, and realize his past. It’s suppose to add a story arc to the movie, but it’s painfully thrown in place.

The movie continues and Edward is introduced to three new women. They are all thin, and they get sent away out of a room. We are left with Jon Dough and Quinn, while the scene fades to black.

Now we are taken to a bathroom where Edward is with two women. Domonique Simone is an African American woman with small breasts, and Ashley Nicole is a dirty blonde haired, thin woman with medium sized breasts as well. The two start to suck on Edwards hands, and he is just looking like it is pleasurable. The full concept here is Edward just playing with the women with his hands and then he cuts with his hands and it shoots out a little, and that’s it. It’s a short scene, and it’s not that fun.

Moving along, we get Ashley Quinn and Jon Dough talking about how sales are down for Quinn’s sex toy elements. Quinn signals Dough that she wants him, and that two start to kiss. The generic porn music comes in, and they begin. Remember, the set here is a warehouse, so the backgrounds are terrible, there’s blue painters tape along a window frame, the walls are way too high, and the interior is just stupid looking. At one point you can tell that there is no ceiling, as the camera goes too high. The sex begins with Quinn taking off her body suit and blowing Jon Dough. He’s not huge, but he gets into it fairly well. Quinn moans a lot, screaming at one point, and making her my new “it” girl to watch. Quinn and Dough go at it on a kitchen table, no condoms, and it’s just straight forward. The two go through two different positions, then Quinn ends up getting summed on in the back, as Dough finishes things off. That’s it. Not a bad scene, but not a great one either.

Next we are taken to a bedroom, in the same warehouse set that you’d expect from a porno sound stage. Here we see Edward trying to play with himself, then cumming, and running we hears that Jeanna Fine is coming through the door.

This fades, and we see Jeanna Fine and Edward meet in a warehouse where Fine finds out that he has penis hands. There’s a soft song that plays, and it’s supposed to be a love song, while Edward squirts cum from his penis hands and Jeanna Fine dances under it. This is beyond stupid, and yet it’s endearing somehow. This is a very young Jeanna Fine, so she doesn’t have enhancements, and is toned nicely, skinny, and has long black hair. As we move forward, we end up seeing the scene fade to black and send the two back to a location in front of a fireplace. There’s a cheesy song playing, and the two here start to kiss and go forward. Fine sucks on the hand penises, then the two start to have sex, but not before a blow job begins. This is not a long scene. Fine does have enhanced breasts as one angle shows, and she rides Edward while he is fully clothed, until he climaxes and that’s the end.

I give “Edward Penishands” a 2 out of 5.

I love Jeanna Fine, I always liked her work, and Quinn’s yelling during sex turned me on. However, the novelty of this movie really wears on me, and it’s not sexy after a while. Fine looks like a Chicago escort that I know, and well, other than that, I don’t really know what to tell ya. It’s not a great movie, it’s not a bad movie, but it’s definitely one to check out if you’re curious. It’s not going to win any awards or anything, but as a novelty sex film, it’s not half bad. I’d watch Jeana Fine read the dictionary, though. She’s hot.

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Review

Hollywood Heartbreakers (1985) Poster

Before the year is over, let’s get into the world of the 1980s and see a movie that has some famous names, and some scenic backgrounds. This is a movie that ends this year with a huge bang, as you’re going to find that the stars here are from what I consider the golden era of adult cinema, even if there are others that will disagree with me. Who’s in this one? Well, let me just say, it’s one hell of a line up. The stars of this movie include, Amber Lynn, David Sanders, Beverly Bliss, Craig Roberts, Traci Lords, Tony Martino, Nicole West, Peter North, Gina Valentino, Rick Savage, and Greg Rome. This is a full scale production, with film grain, and a full theme song that sounds like The Go Gos and it’s not half bad. The director here is Mark Curtis, and the movie is from 1985, and it is called “Hollywood Heartbreakers”. So let’s dive into this classic from the golden era, as it’s one that you can’t find many places.

The movie starts with a blonde driving a BMW, and she picks up a car phone. It’s a guy named Tony and he says that she needs to get there fast. She says that she will arrive soon. That’s when the music starts to drop off a little, and we see a brunette that talks about wanting to suck off the guy named Tony. She starts to undress, showing off small breasts, red painted finger nails, red lips, light skin, and dirty talk. She talks like a woman that is having phone sex, slow and deliberate, and starts to strip off her clothes, until she shows off her pubic region, that has not been shaved at all. The music dims a bit more, and you hear her moaning a little as the camera goes up and down on the woman. The camera then switches to the driving woman, that is going up PCH in 1985, which is California, for those that don’t know.

Amber Lynn shows up at the door of David Sanders, and says that she was instructed to take care of a package. That’s when David Sanders starts to kiss her, and the porno music starts. A rock guitar riffs begin and Amber Lynn, a dirty blonde, with bright red lipstick starts to suck off Sanders from a limp starting point. The scene starts with a blow job, and full nudity, and no one is shaved here. If you’re a fan of the classics, you’ll love that the two get into 69 within 7 minutes of the movie, and Amber Lynn seems to really enjoy her work here, giving Sanders one hell of a blow job while he gives her oral on the other side, not minding the hair. Sanders isn’t huge, but he works with Lynn well enough. The camera work is bad though, the lighting is not great, and the shots of close ups are mired here and there with bad zooming in and out. The set here is a bit dark, it doesn’t look like a warehouse, but more likely a condo somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. The two go through a couple of positions, without condoms, and just go through the motions. Lynn doesn’t moan a lot, but a little here and there, and the music doesn’t fit the sex here, though I appreciate the attempt at original music. It’s not cliche at all, mind you. After some back and forth, and a bit of moaning, Sanders cannot hang on and eventually cums on Lynn’s stomach, pulling out and letting it fly, the camera slows down for it. Sanders lasts a while, but it’s not a marathon session at all. Lynn says that she takes good care of packages, and that’s it.

Next thing we see is Amber Lynn getting to a phone and saying that she needs to check in on the other girls. We see Sanders pull out some money and then put it into her purse, and that’s it. The scan ends, and then we are taken to another woman. This time around we see Traci Lords putting on make up, getting ready to meet a client, as she picks up her phone, on the sunset strip.

Before seeing any action, we get a cut scene with Beverly Bliss having sex with a random guy named Tony. Then spliced into that, is Traci Lords driving a car. I just wanted to point out that if she was so young, why is she driving on camera? She’s got one hell of a car too, and this is not stunt driving, or anything fake, it’s legit, she’s driving what appears to be a Thunderbird. She visits Tony Martino.

Before the sex starts, we get a strip tease with Lords coming down some stairs, then kissing Tony Martino. The two get fully nude and begin with a little foreplay, Martino sucking and kissing Lords’ breasts. The two are outdoors, in the backyard of a mansion, overlooking Los Angeles. Tony Martino goes down on Lords right away, and the music here is quaint, piano music. The lighting is bad, with lots of shadows, and lots of sunlight obscuring some of the natural shots. Lords moans and moves a lot here, before Tony finally puts his hardness into Lords doggy style. Martino is not a good looking guy by any stretch, mind you. At the 26 minute mark, though, the action gets faster and harder, and the music changes to a 1980s rock tune, which I appreciated. That juxtaposes Lords moaning and gyrations, which intensify as she nearly screams in pleasure. This could be the most intense scene I’ve seen with Lords in it, and Martino does his job well, ugly as he is, and the two work well enough as the music goes faster and Martino just loses himself in the situation. Martino can’t hold his load, after a quick changeover, and cums on Lords’ face and chest, then rubs himself on her after the fact. You can almost hear the director yell cut, but the two end up kissing as the final moments close on this scene, and we fade into another point. New music picks up, Lords picks up her cash, which is only 300 dollars, which is standard for an hour with a mid-range escort, right? Just saying.

We see another woman riding around in a car. We get a conference call, and it’s Tony with Traci and Nicole, and we get a little nod to “Charlies Angels” complete with music. We also see a bit of sex with the guy named Tony, and his chick, but we don’t see his face, yet. It’s just a lot of hair, and a close up of the in and out process of the sexual landscape.

The next scene shows Traci Lords and Nicole West arriving at a home in Bel Air. There’s a hard cut, and we see a darkened warehouse set, with a boring looking couch, and a flaccid Peter North hanging out naked. Lords and West go inside the home, and they start to play with North. Music kicks in, the women take their tops off, and we start to get forward progress. The sex starts with Traci Lords riding Peter North’s face, while Nicole West gives him a blow job. The two women take turns going at North at the 35 minute mark with a blow job sequence that is epic. I’m talking dual blowing, North nearly humming straight out, and the two women focusing on his member in a way that you don’t really see in modern era film. It’s like West and Lords wanted to outdo each other, or they were just into this that much, I don’t know, but this sequence is intense, and really something that elevates this movie’s rating a lot more than the previous scenes. After dual blow jobs, North gives Lords the Russian treatment, between her breasts, while West gives her oral, as the music starts to intensify with drums and 80s bravado. There’s a cool visual design flow here, with North having sex in doggy style with Lords while a chair with two hands seem to be on her breasts. If you’ve seen this, then you know! This is a very cool effect, while the background of the set has antlers everywhere, like it’s a cabin or something. North looks like he’s going to cum any second, and he really does seem to be enjoying the process with Lords, as she moans and quivers. At one point West gets in the action, and Lords gives North a rim job, then at one point it appears that West fists North at around 42 minutes. The edit shifts and goes back to straight sex with reverse cowgirl and Lords with North, but I know what I saw, it was very odd, but the director decided to cut a little of it out. If you’re a fan of natural sex, with hair, and all that jazz, you’ll like this scene, even if the lighting and set leaves something to be desired. Lords and West seem to really like each other, mind you, and North is just a willing party here, and keeps it up as long as he can. This is a lengthy scene for the 1980s, mind you. After the sex seems to get boring, North cums on the two women’s chest, and then we get splicing in some of the past sequences, and it’s all over with a nice blast from North. Not his biggest load, but a nice quality one none the less. The women squirm, the film slows down, and for whatever reason the director focuses on North’s face before we get a hard cut and a new scene.

Gina Valentino is driving, and picks up the car phone to find out that she has a date. Tony is scene having sex again, and it’s the same sequence that you got earlier.

At this point, you see that Gina is headed to Marina Del Rey California, and that’s a throw back for me, since I lived in the area for some time.

We move along and we get to a point where we see Gina Valentino stripping for Rick Savage. Savage watches on, and the two are going to be moving forward with ease. Valentino has small breasts, shoulder length, teased brunette hair, is all natural, yet has a pubic mound that is trimmed. She starts to masturbate, and Savage looks on. The two have sex, and it’s probably one of the most boring sex scenes I’ve seen in a long time. Savage looks like he is really concentrating here, and Valentino is just going through the motions, allowing her lover to just go to town. After some time in Doggy Style, Savage cums on the lower back of Valentino and that’s it, perhaps one of the most formulaic scenes I’ve ever seen, dropping the rating on this one a lot lower than the previous scene.

Up next, we see the same splicing in of sex from Tony, and we see Amber Lynn driving around. She eventually pulls up to a house, in a red dress, and talks to Greg Rome and Ron Jeremy poolside. They banter a little and then move inside.

We go inside with a hard cut, and everyone’s already nude. There’s a heavy bass line started, and a rock guitar with some nice drumming to go along, as we move in with the camera. The set here is a den from the 1980s, with bad carpeting, terrible looking couch, and of course that 1980s aesthetic in terms of filming. Rome gets blown by Amber Lynn, a tight blonde, while Ron Jeremy gives her doggy style. The thing to look out for here is the fact that Ron Jeremy is thin, and makes his penis look a lot larger, because of course it’s about 9 inches long, from what I’ve read. Either way, he is in his prime here, and he’s fit, and just goes for it with Lynn. It’s impressive to see Jeremy in his prime, not as the hedgehog later on, but rather his thin, progressive self. If you’ve read his book, then you know how hard working he was as a porno actor, director, and more. It shows here, as he steals the show here with Lynn. You get multiple positions, a threesome that lasts a while, and of course the cum shot with the crossing of swords several times, which is odd. Rome and Jeremy are big, close in size here, and Lynn tries to take them on both at the end with cum going on her face to finish things off. The music really gets good here, mind you.

We move along, and there’s a hard cut, and Amber Lynn calls in to Tony and we then see Tony’s face and the sex he’s been having, finishes up. It ends with a blow job and cum in mouth, and that’s the end of the movie. Tony is a pimp, and it’s all said and done.

I give “Hollywood Heartbreakers” a 3 out of 5.

Not even Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords can save the rest of this movie from boring me. However, Lords and Jeremy are in their prime, and if you can find this movie, good luck. It’s borderline illegal to have this. I was able to procure a copy while I was visiting Japan, and got this on Beta Max, because I’m insane. In the United States, you’ll have to get creative if you want a copy, otherwise, you cannot buy this from an affiliate or anything. Good luck.

South by Southeast (1997) Review

South by Southeast - 1997 DVD Cover

Well, I got a job. A 9 to 5 type of work, but that isn’t going to stop me from reviewing adult movies. Well, it kind of did for a while, right? Well, that’s changing soon, cause this time around we are going to be looking at the 1997 movie called, “South by Southeast” and it stars some well known people. For instance, you’ll find that this movie has Vicca, Tony Tedeschi, Brittany Andrews, TT boy, Nikita Gross, Tom Byron, Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North, and the director in a non sex role. The director here is Jim Enright, and the movie came out from Wicked Pictures. It’s a movie that is shot on film grain, and it is very much a Hitchcock throw back, but of course, it’s an adult movie so you have to remember that, since you may want to think of this is as high brow cinema. It’s not. But it’s also not a gonzo movie either, so if you’re the type that likes to watch full adult film, this is going to be one that will interest you. Without further run up, let’s talk about this 1997 big box vhs release of “South by Southeast” from Wicked Pictures.

The movie starts out with Tom Byron running around with a gun and a silencer. Meanwhile, there’s a villain that says he won’t come out! This bit of acting is a great starting point, and there’s a bit of comedy, and good acting here. The editing is top notch, and the set is a warehouse setting with a gun wielding Byron trying to get his man. Meanwhile, outside, we see Vicca and her Russian accent with a blonde haired woman. The two talk about how they have been taken advantage of, and that they are tired of working in the adult world. The two women here have Russian accents, mind you. Then out comes the two guys that we saw initially, running through a parking lot in the valley, and just playing “cops and robbers” with a funny looking gun. Byron goes around trying to shoot his man, and ends up finding a field guide for spies. He starts to read it, and it shows some information about what his next goal is, and the camera follows right behind him. Byron is in a suit that doesn’t fit him, and we see the credits begin.

The credits roll, finish, and we get moving into the movie. We see Tom Byron getting a review from his boss, which is played by TT Boy. The two get into an argument about how bad Byron’s work is, and TT Boy is great here. The set here is more than just a random porno set, mind you, and that’s something great in regards to the budget of course. In comes a very busty woman, with a thin waist, and tanned body. She’s decked out in latex, and she’s got very large breasts. She has blonde hair, and comes in and talks about some new case. She says that Nikita is the next person that they need to get, and Byron doesn’t want to do it at first. They are trying to scam Nikita and Vicca to catch them. This setup is great, and not too bad.

We then get a flash of the Hollywood Hotel, which are not apartment buildings with studios in them. I know this, because I once met an escort there, and we discussed the tech world, etc. Anyways, the scene shifts, and we see Vicca and a blonde talking, with the blonde nude, and the two just talking about working in porn, etc. This is not sexy. The set here is a hotel room, and it’s not bad, it’s just a random set. We see the blonde go forward with moving to a set, and she meets up with Tom Byron at a mansion, dressed in heels, and a nice skirt. She has blonde, curly hair, and it’s not a bad thing. Byron ties her up, and well, we get moving into the plot. There’s no sex in this adult movie for the first 10 minutes, mind you, it’s all story.

The movie progresses and we see Tony Tedeschi dressed up like a maid, and he gets into the room of Vicca and talks about how he’s a spy. There’s some music that starts, and Vicca asks Tony Tedeschi to prove that he’s a man! This is the studio set that’s supposed to be a hotel room. It looks like a motel set in a warehouse, and nothing too complex. Your lighting is coming from overhead, although there’s lamps and cheap furnishings in place, however, the lighting and shadows are coming from studio lights, and it shows. At the 14 minute mark we start the sex. Vicca is a red headed, thin, Russian porno star with C cup size breasts, is 5 foot 10, and light skin. Tedeschi isn’t huge, but he’s a mainstay in 1990s porno movies. Vicca has red heels in this, and she pulls herself naked fast, with Tony and her kissing a great deal as the movie progresses into sex. The camera gets in close for this, and the two seem to have a little chemistry as the foreplay continues. Vicca and Tony work through a couple of positions, nothing too crazy, and he has a condom on. He finishes on her pubic region, and she moans a bit through the process. The scene doesn’t last long, and as far as sex is concerned, it works, but it’s not grand at all. If you’re a big fan of Vicca, then you’ll love to see her moaning and enjoying Tony’s thrusts, as he picks it up to a fast pace at 23 minutes. He can’t hold on though, and cums with Vicca squirming a bit, and the camera going in close. It must be rough to not go back in after cumming, but it happens, and Vicca and Tony kiss a little before he gets his maid’s uniform back on. Tony has a fake English accent, and Vicca tells him that Nikita is not a spy or anything that they need to worry about.

Next we see an interesting play on visual design flow. We see TT Boy and Tom Byron talking again, this time they bring in the blonde. There’s a point where the movie shifts to show you an African safari, with the blonde being the prey that has been captured, but that moves back to the regular office, and we see discussions about why she’s captured, mainly as bait for their main goal, Nikita. As the scene changes, we are still in an office set, and TT Boy says that he’s tense, and needs some relief, which means he’s going to get some, right? Yep!

The next sex scene features TT Boy and Brittany Andrews. Andrews is a tall blonde haired woman with large breasts, and a thin waist. TT Boy pulls his pants down and Brittany Andrews starts to suck him off, with the music starting, and TT Boy getting hard as a rock for this sex scene. Andrews here gives a passionate blow job before TT Boy puts on a condom and starts to have sex in the office setting. The office looks like your average private eye looking spot, so it’s nothing too extreme. I could totally see this with 3 walls in a warehouse from Wicked, and recycled from other sets. There’s an interesting lighting element behind the two, and you can tell it’s not a “real office”, so to speak, it’s a nice setup none the less. Andrews augmented breasts are nice, she has a pubic piercing, and has a nearly shaved pubic mound when TT Boy gets started, condom already on. I never understood why they didn’t use lubed condoms, this one is dry, and it shows. It’s a magnum, as I can tell from the latex, and if you’re a fan of big breasts, Andrews moans and seems to enjoy things as the director shows you across several different angles. My personal favorite element of this sex scene is that Andrews wears black heels as TT Boy goes faster and faster around the 36 minute mark. In a close up angle of the penetration, from underneath, you see the warehouse ceiling, breaking the illusion that is occurring, but hey, who cares, right? Me! The heels and Andrew’s large breasts and TT Boy’s cum shot makes this one worthwhile, and definitely one of the better scenes in the movie. IT definitely got me heated.

Nikita Gross is a tall, skinny, dirty blonde, and she is taller than Tom Byron. She has a Russian accent here, and it should be noted that this is not Nikita Denise, it’s a blonde that reminds me a little of Phoebe from Friends mixed with an old boss that I used to work with. Byron and Nikita start to kiss, and there’s a soft piece of music playing underneath them. This is at the mansion that we saw previously, and it’s well lit, well designed, and has some really cool decor. The Elvis painting for instance in the hallway is really cool, and while the main focal point of the director’s movements goes to sex, I can’t help but notice the decor on this set. Tom Byron starts things off by giving Nikita oral, her pubic area not shaved completely, and his tongue working through the gyrations and wetness that proceeds. When the blow job starts, you really get a feeling for Nikita’s performance, as she really puts on a show. IN fact, it’s one of the best blow job starting points that I’ve seen in a long time, and one that you may want to book mark if you stumble across it. I’d suggest buying this movie just for that, as Nikita really makes the fantasy come alive. There are a lot of different positions here, mostly for the camera, mind you, and around the 50 minute mark, Byron unloads a cum shot that gets in Nikita’s hair, and mouth, but it’s not a big load. She sucks him off after the cum shot, and that elevates this movie to all new levels.

Nikita at this point asks if she’s going to get let go, since she’s a prisoner, remember? Anyways, Byron says, no, and the story continues. Mind you, this is 50 minutes into the movie. Nikita says, “I had sex with you”, and he says, well we are running out of time, so we need to hurry along and squeeze in more sex.

We are taken to a warehouse set again, this time it’s Peter North in fatigues. He’s at a desk at a government building, and he starts to talk. He lights a cigar with a joke looking bomb and he’s called Colonel Mustard. In comes Agent Orange and Vicca. There’s a joke here, as North threw a cartoon looking bomb and it blew up in Agent Orange’s room. However, Vicca comes in wearing a see through dress, and North spews his lines. Orange is played by Tony Tedeschi here, and the three talk about how Nikita got kidnapped, for mistaken identity. Vicca here is so hot, I can’t stand it. Had I not had to maintain professional integrity, I’d be stopping this review to enjoy the following sequence. Peter North asks for inspiration, and Alyssa Love comes in to help, which of course is a signal for sex, right? You know it.

Alyssa Love has a blonde streak in her brunette hair, and Peter North gets her to sit on his lap. She has a black thong on, and starts to undress, meanwhile, Vicca and Tony Tedeschi sits on a black couch. After a little movement, we get a shot that moves away to show the rest of the set, which is a 3 wall brick walled office. Alyssa Love has black heels on, making her look taller than she is, and is completely shaved. Tony Tedeschi starts things off by giving oral to Alyssa Love, a stunning beauty, but with a zit on the outside area of her anus and vagina. Now, when I was on sets in the past, they would use make up, but with Tony Tedeschi’s tongue is lapping it all up, so he doesn’t care, but as a viewer, I’m a little turned off, just saying. In real life, I wouldn’t care, but as an art form, come on! This scene has a four way with Alyssa Love, Vicca, Peter North and Tony Tedeschi, and it’s really good. North gets blown by Vicca while Love gives her oral, and Tony continues with Love, so you get a good mix of oral to start this off, all on the classic black couch of porno worlds. The sex begins, and of course it is all with condoms on as usual. Vicca and Peter North go for it first, and the camera lets you in on the back and forth. If you wanted a lesson in safe sex, here you go. While Vicca and Peter North have sex using a condom, Tony and Alyssa Love don’t, so the camera moves around little showing you examples of safer sex and straight forward doggy style with no condom at all. The moans and groans get heated at the 1 hour mark, and the camera shows you the penetration fully, making this an interesting little flick. After a bit of moaning and back and forth, we see the two guys cum on the faces of the actresses, and it’s not half bad, but it’s not great either. Syncrhonizing summing is tough, and I expected a Peter North cum blast, as I see Alyssa Love’s tongue ring, but as Tony finishes, and Vica blows him, North blasts Love in the face, and it’s quite good overall, which is an interesting sequence, and then Vicca starts to help him get off again, while Love sucks him off.

The next thing that you are going to notice about this movie is that it follows up all of this male on female action by giving you a lesbian scene with Nikita and Brittany Andrews. The two have sex outside, and they use their tongues, hands, and the camera plays on the more "playboy" type of scene, with soft lighting, even for outdoors, and it's not really that intense at first, but over time it became better and better. If you're a fan of lesbian scenes, then you'll love this one. Nikita and Brittany Andrews in a lesbian scene? You know what you're in for here, as it's outdoors and it's well lit, overlooking a good view.

After the scene, we get back to the story, and the end of the movie showcases some comedic gun play, and the final moments of mistaken identity, catching the bad girls, and lots of comedic one liners that are just bad. If you're a completionist of porno movies, then you'll love the story going into the final stages without any sex, and giving you a complete script. It's fine, but it abandons the source material long before this ever concludes. They tried, right? Of course.

I give "South By Southeast" a 3 out of 5. 

There are two great sex scenes here, and the foursome was good, even if there is an odd point where Peter North looks over at what Tony Tedeschi is doing harking back to his Matt Ramsey days. Overall, 3 out of 5 is the best I can give this overall.

This movie is available for streaming, and downloading and you can get "South by Southeast" by clicking here. 

Private Penthouse 3: Dangerous Things (2000) Review

Private Penthouse 3: Dangerous Things (2000) 

We are back, and this time we are venturing to the year 2000. It’s here that we are going to be discussing a movie that was released by the studio, Private. They released a movie directed by Antonio Adamo, and stars some known and unknown talent. The people that star in this movie include Silvia Saint, David Perry, Lea De Mae, Carmen Santana, Franco Roccaforte, Nacho Vidal, Christina Bella, and Katja Love. There’s an unknown male thrown into the mix as well, but overall, this movie is an amalgamation of different scenes. The movie is also referred to as “Dangerous Things” so you may see it out there under that name. If you’re a fan of Silvia Saint, then you know what to expect for a lot of this, but overall, there’s an interesting sewn together theme for this movie.

I was expecting the movie to have more of a plot, but as the 2 minute mark approached, I realized that this was a dreaded, gonzo movie. I hate gonzo pictures, but I know that it’s part of the industry as a whole, so in that regard, what do I have to lose in reviewing this? Readers? There’s not a ton of those here anyways. So here we go.

The opening scene features Sylvia Saint and David Perry in an office. They are both dressed well, and there’s great lighting here. The lighting resource is great because this is a set that is not in a warehouse, they legitimately got a set to film in, and it looks great. The camera and sound design are professional as well, with a nod to 35mm at times, making it look like a “film” not just another gonzo picture. For that, I give them credit. Sylvia Saint is a blonde, thin, red lipped star, and she has medium sized breasts, and a lovely face. Saint and Perry start to kiss, and the music kicks on, soft, and passionately, the two get to the motions of sex quickly. The two have sex in an office setting, and Saint doesn’t moan much. It’s robotic overall, and while Perry is hard throughout, Saint throws me off because she keeps looking at the camera, her bright eyes telling you that she’s at work, and well, it’s fine. After some changes in the positions, Perry cues on her face, and that’s the end of the scene. It’s not a great scene, not a lot of passion, but it’s functional, which is sometimes all you can ask for.

After the Saint scene, we end up going forward to a new locale. This new option features Lea De Mae and David Perry in a new room. The room is well lit, with lighting that is high up, and quite good overall. There’s no story here, it’s just kissing, fully clothed, another blonde and David Perry. Lea De Mae is pretty, a blonde with skinny frame, and nice face. Like Saint, only taller, but still looking good. David Perry and Lea De Mae start to kiss, and get to the sex quickly. The music prevents you from hearing the moaning. I hate that. This was a bit of sterility overall. David Perry does well here to have sex with Lea De Mae, she wears black heels, and wow, she’s pretty. Perry and De Mae have sex until Perry cums on her face, with a blow job ending, and that’s it. It’s the end.

Next up, we see an interesting point of story line with Sylvia Saint in an office answering her phone and talking. We are supposed to get a story, but the dubbing is so bad here, that I can’t really understand what she is saying here. The movie continues and we see Sylvia signing books. Saint talks about how she wants to have a vacation, and ends up at her desk, trying to write a novel. We see that she is a writer, and she talks about how hard it is to write a novel, and how badly she wants a man.

The scene cuts and we end up seeing Sylvia Saint nude at her desk. This seems like a warehouse set, and she simply starts to masturbate. If you’re a fan of solo, masturbation scenes, then you’ll like this one. Saint is shaved, has light skin, French tipped nails, and skin like milk, soft, and pretty. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s all you get here.

After this scenario, Saint calls a bearded man, and talks about taking a meeting. She then is shown at an office set. You can tell it’s a set because the lighting and shadows hit from the outside not at angles. Saint looks like a doll here, dressed up, and using a giant cell phone at one point. Her bright eyes taking over the scene, and you really wonder if she’s a porno star. She has that interesting, blonde hair look that really doesn’t seem to fit the motif of porno stars. This is 2000, mind you. The scene shifts and we see Saint driving around in a jeep, and she meets up with Nacho Vidal. Nacho is just randomly in a parking lot, and we see her pick him up.

She drops off Nacho, and then goes back to an office. It’s in her office that she starts to think about masturbating again, and the camera shifts to her nude, on a couch, and pleasing herself overall. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s it here, a slow moving solo scene, that is shot like a Playboy video rather than hardcore, although you see it all.

Moving along, Saint shows up at a tiki bar set, and she is drinking. She’s all dolled up, has the brightest green eyes, and has a small white dress on. She meets up with a couple and they invite her to drink and party.

The sequence immediately shifts. We see a juxtaposition of black and white scenes, and Carmen Santana with Sylvia Saint starting to disrobe. Santana is an African American woman, and Sylvia Saint is there with her, as they start to please Nacho Vidal, Franco Roccaforte, and another man. This is artsy, slow moving, you don’t hear a lot of the bumping and grinding, and the camera shifts wildly many times. The ending showcases several cum shots, but it’s very much trying too hard to be “artsy” for no reason, when the viewer may want just hardcore. The scene does start with Saint and Santana blowing their male performers, but it’s not with passion, it’s slowed down, it’s just average at best, and while there’s no condoms, it’s just not what you’d expect from a hardcore scene.

This all ends, and we see Saint talking to the bearded stranger, and then we fade to her on a bed, with a purple underwear set, all alone, and thinking about the dude, and the overall options she has for her book. Remember, the plot of this movie started with Saint as a writer that was having trouble figuring out her next story, and so she’s on an adventure of sorts. She sits up in her bed, and starts to think about the bigger picture, and we get a dream sequence. Mind you, this is only 52 minutes into the movie.

Saint goes to sleep, and she dreams of a cave. The camera goes down the cavern, and there we see Chrstina Bella and Franco Roccaforte in a ritual sex position. It’s artistic, it’s simple, and it lacks passion, but it’s an interesting visual. Roccaforte starts by going into Bella bareback, the juxtaposition of skin, and costumes is great, if you’re a fan of interracial sex. Bella is thin, has small breasts, slightly shaved, has long black hair, and Roccaforte is a machine, mechanical in his pushing, and wears a mask. There’s anal at one point, and after a while, Christina Bella blows Roccaforte for the ending, and while she doesn’t do deep throat, it’s sensual enough to attract most. There’s a facial and we finish the scene, and that’s it.

After this sequence, we fade to a boat. A sail boat at sea is what’s next and we see 4 people hanging out, just looking good for the camera, before we separate. After some views, we see Sylvia Saint and Nacho Vidal kissing and getting to know one another. This starts with Saint looking at the camera, and taking off her clothes, while Nacho worships her butt to begin. Saint starts to blow Nacho, and there’s a juxtaposition where we see Lea De Mae and Franco Roccaforte on another side of the boat. This sequence is a back and forth blow job between the individuals. It’s not bad, it’s just overly dramatic, with music, and outdoor lighting that is just boring. You don’t hear it, you see things slowed down a bit, and it’s artsy, but not necessarily good. As an art house film, this works for sure. The slow motion sex stuff really throws me off, and while it’s hardcore, and the women seem to be doing their thing, the guys are robots here, and the movie lacks that “it” factor. There are some cum shots shown, and they fade into another scene.

After the scene fades, we see Sylvia Saint sitting on a couch. She is wearing a dress, has her hair slicked back, and has heels. She talks on a cell phone and the story continues to work through the motions.

We move into a scene where Nacho Vidal and Sylvia Saint have sex on a beach. Saint is fully shaved here, Nacho is shaved, and he just goes into Saint slowly, and the camera pans, shows the “art” of the film, and tries very hard to create an interesting focal point. Several positions change here, and Saint looks at the camera while Nacho gets to work, at one point just pushing through and trying not to cum, before he eventually can’t hold on. The scene ends with Saint masturbating and blowing Nacho, to finish. The lightning here is great since its outdoor, Saint doesn’t swallow, however, her eyes are so compelling that you don’t even realize that she’s blowing Nacho at one point. The director decided to slow down and speed up the scene, and that sucked, I couldn’t stand that, but hey I’m not the director.

After all of this goes down, we end up seeing a club scene. This is a set of course, and here we see Katja Love, David Perry, and Leslie Taylor all working into the sex. We start with blow jobs on every guy, with one dude barely getting hard, then we go immediately forward to the sex on a dance floor. This is an interesting sex romp, as we see musicians playing int he background. This is a sterile sex scene again, and while Katja Love, and Leslie Taylor are pretty, thin, and have long hair, the dudes seem uninterested at several points. Isabella, Lea De Mae, Sandra Kay, Alberto Rey, Franco Roccaforte, and Nick Lang join in at the end, and this is all done without condoms, with a focus on the music, and changeover overall. The musicians in the background look board, and it’s funny to see them get mixed up in this, not knowing what they signed up for. After some time, we see the men and women finish, with cum shots here and there, and a finish with the bearded guy smoking, while Sylvia Saint wakes up from her dream.

That’s the end. After all of that, we see Sylvia Saint having some quick memories before the movie ends without much of a bang. The ending shows a random dude playing piano, artsy, and weird, and that’s it. He looks at the camera and smiles a little, Saint wakes up from a nightmare, and that’s that. The end.

I give “Dangerous Things” a 2 out of 5.

Sure, you could technically get off to this movie, but the artsy elements make you wish this was a better film. The grain at the start shifts, to a low quality element towards the last scenes, and the story makes no sense. I guess I expected more from a Sylvia Saint movie, but at the end of the day, it’s hardcore, it’s artsy, and well, it works ok enough.

Sweet Stuff (1991) Review

Sweet Stuff (1991) Box Cover

Today we are going back to 1991. This was a few ways back to something we don’t often review, a movie that stars a dead porn star. Oh, we do review those movies often. Well, here we are, this time we are focusing on the movie that was distributed by Venus 99. The movie is called “Sweet Stuff” and it was directed by Rex Cabo, he was listed as Hy Lancewood. The movie stars a few notable faces, including some that are synonymous with porno by this point and beyond. The movie stars, Cathy Collins, Jake Steed, Kylie Channel, Kym Wilde, Leanna Foxx, Ron Jeremy, Savannah, Tom Chapman, and TT Boy. I’m a fan of a few of these people, but the main focal point of the marketing, and the movie itself is going to be focused on Savannah, even if she’s not in a lot of the movie. Whatever the case may be, we are going to dive into “Sweet Stuff” from 1991.

The movie opens with someone getting oral, but I can’t really tell who they are. The credits roll on top of the sequence, and we begin the slow process of introducing everyone from the stars to the directors, music, and more. This is a simple, slow, and easy to follow through starting point. From there, we end up looking at Ron Jeremy talking to Kylie Channel. They have their clothes off already, and we know that the movie is going to be moving forward with sex, right? Of course!

Ron Jeremy isn’t nearly as fat as he is now, and he is talking to Kylie Channel here. They are talking about random things, nothing in particular, no major script. Jeremy is great with improve, and he’s got some shorts on while Channel is looking at him. She has light skin, long black curly hair, and is wearing a tight black dress. Jeremy is the Hedgehog, and is full hedgehog here, and the moves fast. He starts kissing Channel, feeling her up, and away we go, it’s time for the music, and it comes in. The set is a warehouse, couch setting, and it’s mechanical to start. Jeremy watches Channel dance a little, and you can see the shadows from the studio lights shining through. The sex begins, and we see some movement from both sides, including a steady blow job sequence, and Jeremy’s facial expressions leading the way. Channel moans a little, they switch through oral, and into straight sex, and it’s not bad, but not great either. Jeremy holds on for the most part, and Channel does a great deal of the work. After doggy style, it appears that Jeremy gets winded, and cuts on Channels’ butt and back and that’s the end of the sequence.

We move to the next scene, and it’s not story driven. It’s Savannah sitting on a couch, and Tom Chapman. Savannah is not shaved, but she smiles at some points through this, and Chapman is not a large guy. To say that the sex is boring is an understatement. The two go through the motions, but it’s lackluster on all levels, and it’s sad to see such an icon going through the pay check mode of porn. I guess that’s the breaks, right? The lighting is good, the warehouse den setting is good, but overall, it’s a lackluster scene with the beautiful Savannah looking good as usual, and chapman trying his best not to cum too fast. Nothing too fast here, slow moving, a few positions, Savannah wears a pair of white boots, and we get to the finish line with a cum shot on her pubic mound, and that’s it. She’s not into this at all. I’m not sure why so many are so hung up on her.

We move along, and we see Kym Wilde, a brunette with large breasts sucking off Jake Steed. He’s got a large one, and Wilde seems eager to get things started, and that’s where we see a moment of clarity for this movie. The rest of the scenes are mediocre at best, but this one, starts to work well as Wilde gets forward moving for a blow job. Now, the setting is an average bedroom, lighting from the flood lights of studios, and a bed that is an obvious set, not a real home. It’s 1991 afterall, right? For such a large guy, Steed has boring sex, and Wilde doesn’t moan a lot, though the two have a slight bit of chemistry together. After some sideway sex, Steed can’t hold on, and he cuts onto Wilde’s pubic region, which is not shaved completely. The lights dim, and we are rushed to the next scene. This had promise at first, but like many first time porno stars, the load is blown too early. Wilde looks good, but in this scene, she’s wasted for the camera. I liked the attempt at 69 at one point though, always fun.

The scenes switch up and we see a random warehouse set with a couple of couches. Here we see Cathy Colllins and Kym Wilde standing and arguing about who gets to be with TT Boy. They pull down his pants and start to get to work to get him hard. TT Boy is not hard at all for the first few moments, and it is a bit odd to see. However, Kym Wilde really gets to work here, with a stellar blow job to get him up and at attention. Cathy Collins is a thin haired, red haired woman, and of course we’ve seen Wilde in this movie already. This thruway is one of the best parts of the movie, so if you’re looking for an exciting run down, this is going to be the scene to scout out. The sex is strong, TT Boy goes within both women, no condom, and just does his thing, on a white couch. THere’s a lot of moaning, and a lot of terrible rock music in the background. The way the camera works and the lighting here just screams warehouse set, but that doesn’t matter that much, as the three really do a lot to make this scene work. Honestly, they have a lot of chemistry, and it’s a great sequence of sex. Eventually, TT boy cuts on Collins’ back, and that’s it. This was a performance of epic proportions if you ask me, TT Boy delivers again.

The final scene is Kym Wilde and Leanna Foxxx in a lesbian scene. There’s some soft piano jazz music, and nothing too crazy here. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like it that much either. Foxx has very large breasts, black hair, and moans a great deal. The novelty jazz music threw me off, and honestly, I couldn’t imagine watching this further, but alas, I went forward cause it’s my job. There’s a 1980s music point, where dildos come out, and then we see the two women get into it with vibrators, and well that’s that. The movie ends there. The music is stellar though.

I give “Sweet Stuff” a 2 out of 5.

The best part of this movie is definitely TT Boy’s epic performance. He steals the show going through two women, and making sure each one had a lot of attention. That impressive option is definitely a great push forward. Other than that, Savannah fans will like her boy girl scene, but It wasn’t for me. This movie was basically a gonzo flick.

Interview With A Milkman (1996) Review

Interview With A Milkman Poster 

There are a few tropes that come through in the world of pornography, and one of them is that of the milkman. The delivery of items to the home when a husband is away means that someone’s going to have sex. Well, in this movie from 1996, the Milkman is the center of the production. This movie comes from director Ralph Parfait, and was distributed by Vivid. It was released in 1996, and most likely was one of the movies that was once again screened through the Hot Network or Spice Cable Television. Either way, it stars some names you know, and some that you may not know. This movie stars, Madelyn Night, Laura Palmer, Jon Dough, Kimberly Kummings, Bobby Vitale, Sindee Coxx, and Steve Drake. The movie that we are going to review today is none other than, “Interview With A Milkman” from 1996.

We are greeted with the familiar Vivid Video introduction, and I love it. “You’re watching a Vivid feature presentation” is how we start things off, then we go straight into the credits. It says that this is a Paul Thomas production, and the graphics show up. We have a little ragtime tune starting, and we see a woman pouring milk all over her nude body. I’m assuming it’s Madelyn Night, but I’m not sure. If it is her, she is thin, soaked in milk, has large breasts, and is bathed in dark light. The opening isn’t so much a milk bath as much as it is a girl showering herself with a glass bottle of milk. This movie was written by Guillermo Brown, by the way. It’s an introduction that really is a throw back to the old days.

The movie goes onto show that it has film grain. I love when porno has film grain, and we see a man getting pushed through on a wheel chair. He pulls out a cigarette, and we start an interview. We see a glass of milk show up, and a random dude starts talking into a recorder. This is a nursing home, from what I can tell. The old man says that he was a good milkman in his younger days, and he starts to talk about his story. “I was the greatest milk delivery man in the world”. We then see a driver going around town delivering things door to door and we are thrown into the movie.

We see the delivery guy talking to a couple of women, and he asks if he can help with carrying a few things for the women. We then get moving forward with seeing the milk delivery guy just go through the motions as usual. The story goes through well enough, and there’s not much to this other than seeing that our Milk Delivery Man is top delivery guy, and he gets a silver medal at one point from Steve Drake. This is a high end production. You do not just get thrown into sex, you are thrown into a real story. The film grain gives a lot here, and I enjoy that aspect of it.

As the story goes, we see the delivery man enter his truck and there’s a glove filled with chocolate milk in it, and it starts to spray all over him. He then says he has to change his uniform. Meanwhile, at the offices of the milk delivery service, an angry caller wants Joey, the delivery guy to show up and deliver, and of course the secretary says he will go out there soon enough.

At around the 13 minute mark, we get the first taste that this is a porno movie. It features Madelyn Night as the secretary. Madelyn Night is a thin brunette with large breasts, tanned skin, and a trimmed pubic mound. She pulls out a vibrator and dips it in milk, and starts to masturbate for the camera. A soft jazz tune comes on, and we are taken into the fullness of her solo work. She is a beautiful woman, and the show here is a solo masturbating act. The soft jazz music and the overall production value of this scene makes it one of the more erotic scenes I’ve reviewed in a long time. You hear her moan, she drinks a little milk, and just uses her vibrator for the majority of the scene, and that’s it. It’s a good sequence with art and sex mixed in for good measure.

The camera cuts to a delivery, and it’s Joey. He comes into the home, and picks up an empty glass bottle, and then starts to look around to see if anyone is home. He creeps through the house and picks up empty milk bottles, trying to figure out if anyone is home, and trying not to make any noise. Hen then stumbles in on Jon Dough and Laura Palmer.

He sticks around to just watch what is going on.

Laura Palmer bends over, and Jon Dough starts to spank her. Laura Palmer is a blonde haired, thin, tall, small breasted woman. She has model features, and she wears high heels for the start of this part. Dough spanks her until her butt starts turning red. All the while the Milkman watches. What I like about this scene is that it starts with dry humping. It completely starts with fully clothed, dry humping, spanking, and movement that is not nudity. In fact, it’s a way to get the actors to get a little more chemistry, and I like that part. After some dry humping, Palmer gets on her knees and starts to blow Jon Dough. He gets hard right away, and she just goes in on him, while a jazzy number starts to play. The set has an all wood wall, and looks like a den at a cabin somewhere, while the couch is a light brown color. Dough wears sunglasses as Palmer blows him, and it’s a slow, casual start to their sex, after the dry humping. After the blow job, we get some oral returned, then right into doggy style with no condom. Palmer moans, and Dough seems to have an urgency about getting forward progress into the sex. Palmer’s pale skin, blonde hair, and long legs really make for a hot scenario here. After a few positions, Palmer goes reverse cowgirl, and then Dough cups on her pubic mound, which is trimmed. That ends the scene, and that’s it. The scene is quite sensual, and definitely doesn’t feel like a robotic sequence, which is a great thing. The two genuinely shared a moment in this one, including Dough slapping his penis on Palmer’s pubic area after the sex.

The delivery guy keeps going on his route, and we see him going through the motions, nothing special. It continues the larger story arc of course. He ends up getting back to his truck nd there’s Kimberly Kummings waiting for him. She says that she wants special treatment, and while he declines at first, the two go in for a kiss and we are off to the races.

Bobby Vitale is the main guy here, and Kimberly Kummings throws herself at him. Kummings is a large breasted brunette, and she looks older in this scene, compared to Palmer. She is a great contrast to the blonde in the previous scene, and the two get right to action. Kummings gets on her knees and blows Vitale immediately, giving him a sense of urgency to start. The starting point here has some great jazz music, and the two are doing it in the parking lot, on a delivery truck. She has large breasts, tanned skin, and a thin frame. For the sex, it starts in reverse cowgirl, and just goes forward with some moaning from Kummings, and robotic movements from Vitale overall. She squeezes her oversized breasts, and does a little bit of talking, amidst moaning overall. The music subsides, and the camera fixes in on the action, although this time there’s a condom in plain view. She’s trimmed, with pubic hair on her mound, and the two just go through the motions, getting robotic at the 39 minute mark. There’s anal at the 41 minute mark, and doggy style, with an eventual money shot on Kumming’s backside, for the finish, and that’s it. Vitale doesn’t deliver a huge load, but it’s enough for the sequence overall.

Something sinister occurs here. Someone is changing the regular milk for chocolate milk! Or what appears to be chocolate milk, or something that is tainted.

We see Steve Drake and Madelyn Night kissing, and then we get a cancellation. Night and Drake discuss some issues with the business, cancellations, and they start to get back to the kissing. Steve Drake is a veteran, of course, and we see Madelyn Night earlier as a single performer. This is a little more sensual, with lots of kissing to start, and just chemistry that you would get from a couples movie, not a hardcore porno.

Drake puts Night on a wooden desk and gives her oral in a well lit office space. That’s the starting point of the sex, and it gets underway at around the 49 minute mark. A nice jazz number starts up as the two go in for oral. The music gets turned up a lot, but so does the sounds of the sex. The sound design in this movie is very odd. Whomever did the levels was not accurate. Drake takes Night and starts doggy style, and there’s a notable condom as Night asks for him to do it harder and harder. The angle is interesting, as it is trying to hide the condom, but there was definitely one there. After a position change it looks like Drake doesn’t have a condom on any longer, at least at the 51 minute mark. This could be a blooper or two different scenes edited together in the same space. Either way, the sex is robotic, and formulaic. The two don’t have that much chemistry and it shows. I can confirm that there is no condom after going doggy style, and I’m not sure why that was. Drake finishes on Night’s pubic mound, but she has a look of disgust at first.

After some time we see Vitale getting yelled at back at the office. He is then back on the job, and he continues to go on his way, until Sindee Coxx asks for help.

Sindee Coxx is a blonde haired woman with big breasts, and a storied career in porn. She takes her clothes off, and gets on her knees to service Vitale. The blow job here is deliberate, slow, and steady. It’s nothing special, just straight forward, and Vitale isn’t even hard at first. The director moves the camera around so that you don’t see that action, but you can tell he’s not all the way there yet, so Coxx really has to work for this one. After a little 69, the two end up going at it on a picnic table, and Coxx is wearing nothing but a pair of knee high black boots. Vitale goes all in here, and the two are very close together for the scene, but at the 57 minute mark, you hear the director’s instructions! I kid you not! Coxx moans, and the two switch positions. I don’t see a condom in this one, and it appears to be anal at one point, and it’s not a terrible sequence at around the 59 minute mark. There’s a robotic element to this, although Coxx seems to enjoy the process a little. At one point Vitale chokes her hard, and you can see Coxx not really into it, but if you like hard pounding, there’s a sequence here for you as Vitale goes nuts at a few spots. The edits are rough here, the cuts are insane, and after the hour mark, Coxx seems to just give in to the movement. After a bit of work, Vitale cums on Coxx’s stomach and she moans a little. She’s almost completely shaved for this one.


For the final two sequences we are split screened. There is equal time spent with Madelyn Night and Sindee Coxx having sex with some chocolate milk as a momentum push, and we see Laura Palmer and Bobby Vitale having sex as well. The lighting int he Palmer and Vitale scene is blown out, with a lot of direct light, and shadows that show that this is a set. Palmer really goes in hard on her blow job this time, and it really makes up for the rest of the movie, which was a little robotic. As for Coxx and Night, the two are sensual, kissing, caressing and using their hands to go through the motions of lesbian sex. It’s not a bad sequence, mind you, and it has more passion than the other sex scenes that the two were in during this movie. After seeing them do oral, for a while, we are taken back to the den, and there’s no condom for the sex, as Palmer rides Vitale for the finish of this movie. The sex is adequate here, a little rough, but nothing crazy, with Palmer seemingly enjoying the process a bit. She reminds me of an old boss I once had, so the fantasy was real in this one. Vitale cums on her chin, and then in runs Jon Dough to discover them.

Dough runs after him. Then we are sent to the backyard of the house where Coxx and Night are. The movie runs through, and out of the blue we see Night and Vitale driving and boom, they cash into each other, and that is that. We see that Vitale’s character gets back to being the best employee, and then we are taken back to the interview.

We see an interview with the Milkman, and we hear that America has changed completely, and that the Milkman job is no longer great, and the rest of the degrading of American culture was due to the stop of milkman delivery.

I give “Interview With A Mlikman” a 3 out of 5.

Out of all the scenes, only 2 of them really spoke to me, and they were involving Laura Palmer. I’ll have to really look into more of her work, as she is definitely a shining light in this one. Other than that, it’s a serviceable movie with good film grain, a few interesting notes, but robotic, short sex scenes with a blooper thrown in for good measure.

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) Review

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) DVD Cover

Today we are going back to the 1990s. This time around we are going to be looking at a movie from Wicked Pictures and directed by Fred Lincoln. I have no doubt that this was one of the many movies that I saw on the Spice Network, when I was a teenager. The movie is from 1995, and it features a cast of performers you may know very well. The cast includes, Stephanie Swift, Vince Vouyer, PJ Sparxx, Colt Steel, Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong, Roxanne Hall, John Decker, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. These are main players in the world of adult cinema at the time, and if you are familiar with 1990s porno, then you know these people already. This movie was released in 1995, and was distributed by Wicked Pictures, and the production value shows that from the starting line, only to get moving forward to a movie that has 5 scenes. So let’s go to the 1990s and see how this all plays out, in the movie, “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx”.

The movie starts with a party scene, and in this scene we see Vince Vouyer dancing a bit. He is a stripper, and at the 5 minute mark, we realize that this is a porno, because he takes his underwear down, and Stephanie Swift is there to service him.

Stephanie Swift begins the scene with a blow job on Vince Vouyer, and her technique is grand. The brunette star has changed in recent years, as she’s now an advocate against sex abuse, and porn, but here she is performing at her prime with Vouyer in a toned, shaven state. The music is a classical mix of new wave jazz, and bass sounds. The set is a warehouse somewhere in porn valley, and honestly, it’s like any other den or living room scene, with a light colored couch, made of leather, and lighting that hides the boom mic here and there. The lighting is fine, the overall sequence is good, and if you’re a fan of Swift, you’ll love the length of her blow job for this sex starting point. A condom gets put on, and we see Swift start with cowgirl, facing Vouyer directly on the couch, and bouncing slowly until she starts to moan. There’s a good editing quality here, as the camera moves through various angles, all with a nice shadow of lighting from the perspective of where the director and cameras are. The two go through different positions, but eventually Vouyer can’t hold on, takes off the condom, and cums on Swift’s face. It goes up her nose at one point, and she stays in the scene, eyes closed, and that’s it. She blows him upside down at one point, and that makes this a stellar opener, even if the keyboard and guitar work takes me out of the show.

The movie moves forward, and we see P.J Sparxx asleep on the same couch. In comes John Decker in a suit and tie. The movie then goes forward to set up a simple plot, where Decker is not satisfied with his sex life. He talks to a girl, then we are taken to a bedroom set, very much a standard set that I’ve seen from Wicked Pictures. PJ Sparxx is in latex now, and talks to Armstrong about getting kinky. John Decker says, no. So then she goes to the kitchen and starts to write a letter to someone she wants, of course, not John Decker. This is a kitchen set, and it looks semi-real here, so maybe it’s not just a warehouse somewhere. She seems an envelope and sends it away, and that’s that.

After some time we see Sparxx in an office, and in walks Colt Steel. She says that she wants some action, and throws herself at Steel. He obliges, and starts to undress. This is in an office, and we see PJ Sparxx full body here. She’s thin, has large breasts, is blonde, and tan. She has a great body for the 1990s porn world, and Steel is cut out of, well, steel. He looks like he should be on the cover of a romance novel. Sparxx opens up her blouse to reveal her large breasts and steel immediately goes to sucking on them, and we venture into foreplay. The music here is all bass and some jazz notes, but mostly synth and bass heavy moments of jazz. Sparxx starts things off with a blow job, before Steel gets to give her oral. She’s shaven for the most part, with a slight amount of hair on her pubic mound, and the show continues with some nice oral close ups. The sex is tame, all things considered. Sparxx has black heels on, and she’s really loud during this one, as Steel goes through the motions of protected sex while she masturbates at the same time. She has such a loud, high pitched moan that it becomes a little annoying. Steel is concentrating, not passionate, robotic, and the lighting here throws a lot of shadows into the mix. There’s minimal passion here, and a little less chemistry between the two. Sparxx is glassy eyed at the 30 minute mark, and it just seems forced at times, almost like when hiring an escort and it’s just not that grand. She bends over at one point, and they go doggy style for a minute or two before Steel has to cum and lets go on her butt. Visually this is an ok scene, but it lacks the passion that the first scene had, so it is a diminished scene. Plus, Steel is more muscle than penis, so if you’re expect a hung guy, he’s not that big. At least not in comparison to his muscles, so there’s that.

The scene ends, and we are taken back to the house where we see Sparxx in a wig just talking, and what not. There’s a little bit of attention given to the scene, with talking, and then we are taken to another set. This time it’s a living room, and there’s a studio light in the left hand corner in full view! Oh man, there’s also a gear bag left under the foyer, and you see a full display of lighting left to be seen. Now, while Anna Malle is in one area, we see PJ Sparxx making a salad, and then a door bell that keeps ringing and ringing. Anna Malle is a hot woman, by the way, she passed away due to an auto accident from what I heard. But she’s tan, has large breasts, and is quite hot. I’ve always liked her enthusiasm, and in this one, she opens the door, and in comes Hank Armstrong to kiss her and the two passionately begin. All the while Pj Sparxx is making a salad, then she walks in on the two, and just looks on, with a smirk.

Anna Malle takes her panties off with the help from Hank Armstrong, then gets fingered to start the scene. She has her signature tan lines, and mostly shaved pubic region, and the two begin against a wall. The rock music in this scene is horrible, and takes me out of the scene right away. The light is hilarious on the left, and it casts some serious shadows where it shouldn’t be. The living room has a floral couch, white walls, and Armstrong goes down to oral right away. I should note that Anna Malle has her own panties in her mouth as she moans at what Armstrong is doing, although very calculated, and somewhat robotic. She eventually gets on her knees and blows Armstrong, and it’s the best one I’ve seen in a while. Anna Malle always seemed to enjoy this sort of thing, and she’s been in documentaries saying such things. There’s no condom here, and Anna Mall goes for doggy style on a floral couch, and she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it that much. She says a few dirty things, and Armstrong does his job, but it’s pretty much a robotic sexual transaction. It is also blown out with light, and the two just don’t seem to connect like I would expect. The director probably fell asleep at one point. Towards the 45 minute mark, we see anal start, and if you look at Anna Malle’s eyes and her direction she is looking for cues from the director, and it’s awful. It’s the most robotic sex scene I’ve seen in a long time. These two have no chemistry, and it’s just purely sexual. After some anal, Armstrong cums on Malle’s butt, then goes back into her, and she talks nasty, but geez, she’s not enthused here, and it truly is nothing short of transactional, like an escort, even with the final kisses. This is perhaps one of the worst modern sex scenes I’ve seen in terms of passion or lack of it.

We move along. We see John Decker hanging out in a bedroom and Roxanne Hall is dancing. Decker watches Hall undress, and she’s a somewhat tall, skinny, all natural young woman. Decker is in his underwear and in a bedroom set. He talks about how he got fired because his wife cheated with his boss, Roxanne Hall plays an escort, and wants to help Decker relax a little. So she begins with a blow job. Roxanne Hall gets oral John Decker, in a random bedroom, with green comforters and shadows all around as the lighting is coming from various sources. The shadows here are tough. At around 55 minutes, the two do 69, which is always a cool little spot, and the two seem to go through the motions in this scene. At the 58 minute mark, we go straight for anal, and there’s no condom. If you’re a fan of anal, you’ll like this one, as at one point Hall even screams, “John”, which is the actor’s real name. As for Decker, he does adequately here, hard, and penetrating anal, with some lube, and no condom. It’s only anal here, nothing big, and eventually Hall gets a facial, and that’s it. This is a good scene, with bad music, and interesting lighting, but Decker seems to have to hold onto his erection with his hand, and eventually just cums on Hall’s face, and mouth and that’s that. It’s ok, at best.

The final scene features three women on a hammock. They have toys, it’s got an upbeat jazzy tune, and it features PJ Sparxx, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. This has natural light, and lots of it, as they are outdoors, and it is mostly just oral and toys. Nothing big here, just two blondes and a redhead. It’s perhaps one of the more boring scenes as the sound design takes a major dip here, and you barely here the moaning. The music is put on blast here, and the women seem ok with what they are doing, and seem to moan a bit, with toys etc. It’s a lengthy threeway lesbian scene, but it’s far from “great”. The scene ends with Decker walking in on the threesome, and shaking his head.

I give “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” a 2 out of 5.

One great scene doesn’t make for a stellar porno, and that’s all you really get for this one if you ask me. Now, as I always say, I’m just one man with one opinion. If you’re a fan of Sparxx, then you may love this one, and of course, if you’re a fan of Stephanie Swift, you’ll love the opening sequences. She does well in it.

You can purchase “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” by clicking here, or streaming it at the same site.

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