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| Private Penthouse 3: Dangerous Things (2000) |
I was expecting the movie to have more of a plot, but as the 2 minute mark approached, I realized that this was a dreaded, gonzo movie. I hate gonzo pictures, but I know that it’s part of the industry as a whole, so in that regard, what do I have to lose in reviewing this? Readers? There’s not a ton of those here anyways. So here we go.
The opening scene features Sylvia Saint and David Perry in an office. They are both dressed well, and there’s great lighting here. The lighting resource is great because this is a set that is not in a warehouse, they legitimately got a set to film in, and it looks great. The camera and sound design are professional as well, with a nod to 35mm at times, making it look like a “film” not just another gonzo picture. For that, I give them credit. Sylvia Saint is a blonde, thin, red lipped star, and she has medium sized breasts, and a lovely face. Saint and Perry start to kiss, and the music kicks on, soft, and passionately, the two get to the motions of sex quickly. The two have sex in an office setting, and Saint doesn’t moan much. It’s robotic overall, and while Perry is hard throughout, Saint throws me off because she keeps looking at the camera, her bright eyes telling you that she’s at work, and well, it’s fine. After some changes in the positions, Perry cues on her face, and that’s the end of the scene. It’s not a great scene, not a lot of passion, but it’s functional, which is sometimes all you can ask for.
After the Saint scene, we end up going forward to a new locale. This new option features Lea De Mae and David Perry in a new room. The room is well lit, with lighting that is high up, and quite good overall. There’s no story here, it’s just kissing, fully clothed, another blonde and David Perry. Lea De Mae is pretty, a blonde with skinny frame, and nice face. Like Saint, only taller, but still looking good. David Perry and Lea De Mae start to kiss, and get to the sex quickly. The music prevents you from hearing the moaning. I hate that. This was a bit of sterility overall. David Perry does well here to have sex with Lea De Mae, she wears black heels, and wow, she’s pretty. Perry and De Mae have sex until Perry cums on her face, with a blow job ending, and that’s it. It’s the end.
Next up, we see an interesting point of story line with Sylvia Saint in an office answering her phone and talking. We are supposed to get a story, but the dubbing is so bad here, that I can’t really understand what she is saying here. The movie continues and we see Sylvia signing books. Saint talks about how she wants to have a vacation, and ends up at her desk, trying to write a novel. We see that she is a writer, and she talks about how hard it is to write a novel, and how badly she wants a man.
The scene cuts and we end up seeing Sylvia Saint nude at her desk. This seems like a warehouse set, and she simply starts to masturbate. If you’re a fan of solo, masturbation scenes, then you’ll like this one. Saint is shaved, has light skin, French tipped nails, and skin like milk, soft, and pretty. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s all you get here.
After this scenario, Saint calls a bearded man, and talks about taking a meeting. She then is shown at an office set. You can tell it’s a set because the lighting and shadows hit from the outside not at angles. Saint looks like a doll here, dressed up, and using a giant cell phone at one point. Her bright eyes taking over the scene, and you really wonder if she’s a porno star. She has that interesting, blonde hair look that really doesn’t seem to fit the motif of porno stars. This is 2000, mind you. The scene shifts and we see Saint driving around in a jeep, and she meets up with Nacho Vidal. Nacho is just randomly in a parking lot, and we see her pick him up.
She drops off Nacho, and then goes back to an office. It’s in her office that she starts to think about masturbating again, and the camera shifts to her nude, on a couch, and pleasing herself overall. Sylvia Saint masturbates for the camera, and that’s it here, a slow moving solo scene, that is shot like a Playboy video rather than hardcore, although you see it all.
Moving along, Saint shows up at a tiki bar set, and she is drinking. She’s all dolled up, has the brightest green eyes, and has a small white dress on. She meets up with a couple and they invite her to drink and party.
The sequence immediately shifts. We see a juxtaposition of black and white scenes, and Carmen Santana with Sylvia Saint starting to disrobe. Santana is an African American woman, and Sylvia Saint is there with her, as they start to please Nacho Vidal, Franco Roccaforte, and another man. This is artsy, slow moving, you don’t hear a lot of the bumping and grinding, and the camera shifts wildly many times. The ending showcases several cum shots, but it’s very much trying too hard to be “artsy” for no reason, when the viewer may want just hardcore. The scene does start with Saint and Santana blowing their male performers, but it’s not with passion, it’s slowed down, it’s just average at best, and while there’s no condoms, it’s just not what you’d expect from a hardcore scene.
This all ends, and we see Saint talking to the bearded stranger, and then we fade to her on a bed, with a purple underwear set, all alone, and thinking about the dude, and the overall options she has for her book. Remember, the plot of this movie started with Saint as a writer that was having trouble figuring out her next story, and so she’s on an adventure of sorts. She sits up in her bed, and starts to think about the bigger picture, and we get a dream sequence. Mind you, this is only 52 minutes into the movie.
Saint goes to sleep, and she dreams of a cave. The camera goes down the cavern, and there we see Chrstina Bella and Franco Roccaforte in a ritual sex position. It’s artistic, it’s simple, and it lacks passion, but it’s an interesting visual. Roccaforte starts by going into Bella bareback, the juxtaposition of skin, and costumes is great, if you’re a fan of interracial sex. Bella is thin, has small breasts, slightly shaved, has long black hair, and Roccaforte is a machine, mechanical in his pushing, and wears a mask. There’s anal at one point, and after a while, Christina Bella blows Roccaforte for the ending, and while she doesn’t do deep throat, it’s sensual enough to attract most. There’s a facial and we finish the scene, and that’s it.
After this sequence, we fade to a boat. A sail boat at sea is what’s next and we see 4 people hanging out, just looking good for the camera, before we separate. After some views, we see Sylvia Saint and Nacho Vidal kissing and getting to know one another. This starts with Saint looking at the camera, and taking off her clothes, while Nacho worships her butt to begin. Saint starts to blow Nacho, and there’s a juxtaposition where we see Lea De Mae and Franco Roccaforte on another side of the boat. This sequence is a back and forth blow job between the individuals. It’s not bad, it’s just overly dramatic, with music, and outdoor lighting that is just boring. You don’t hear it, you see things slowed down a bit, and it’s artsy, but not necessarily good. As an art house film, this works for sure. The slow motion sex stuff really throws me off, and while it’s hardcore, and the women seem to be doing their thing, the guys are robots here, and the movie lacks that “it” factor. There are some cum shots shown, and they fade into another scene.
After the scene fades, we see Sylvia Saint sitting on a couch. She is wearing a dress, has her hair slicked back, and has heels. She talks on a cell phone and the story continues to work through the motions.
We move into a scene where Nacho Vidal and Sylvia Saint have sex on a beach. Saint is fully shaved here, Nacho is shaved, and he just goes into Saint slowly, and the camera pans, shows the “art” of the film, and tries very hard to create an interesting focal point. Several positions change here, and Saint looks at the camera while Nacho gets to work, at one point just pushing through and trying not to cum, before he eventually can’t hold on. The scene ends with Saint masturbating and blowing Nacho, to finish. The lightning here is great since its outdoor, Saint doesn’t swallow, however, her eyes are so compelling that you don’t even realize that she’s blowing Nacho at one point. The director decided to slow down and speed up the scene, and that sucked, I couldn’t stand that, but hey I’m not the director.
After all of this goes down, we end up seeing a club scene. This is a set of course, and here we see Katja Love, David Perry, and Leslie Taylor all working into the sex. We start with blow jobs on every guy, with one dude barely getting hard, then we go immediately forward to the sex on a dance floor. This is an interesting sex romp, as we see musicians playing int he background. This is a sterile sex scene again, and while Katja Love, and Leslie Taylor are pretty, thin, and have long hair, the dudes seem uninterested at several points. Isabella, Lea De Mae, Sandra Kay, Alberto Rey, Franco Roccaforte, and Nick Lang join in at the end, and this is all done without condoms, with a focus on the music, and changeover overall. The musicians in the background look board, and it’s funny to see them get mixed up in this, not knowing what they signed up for. After some time, we see the men and women finish, with cum shots here and there, and a finish with the bearded guy smoking, while Sylvia Saint wakes up from her dream.
That’s the end. After all of that, we see Sylvia Saint having some quick memories before the movie ends without much of a bang. The ending shows a random dude playing piano, artsy, and weird, and that’s it. He looks at the camera and smiles a little, Saint wakes up from a nightmare, and that’s that. The end.
I give “Dangerous Things” a 2 out of 5.
Sure, you could technically get off to this movie, but the artsy elements make you wish this was a better film. The grain at the start shifts, to a low quality element towards the last scenes, and the story makes no sense. I guess I expected more from a Sylvia Saint movie, but at the end of the day, it’s hardcore, it’s artsy, and well, it works ok enough.
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