Cop Sucker (1998) Review

Cop Sucker (1998) Dvd Cover

Today we are going to be venturing forward or backwards to 1998. That’s the year when I discovered cable television pornography, and if you were like me, you didn’t see penetration. They had the bumping and grinding, but cleverly edited out the literal penetration, so I swore back then that one day I would see the hardcore versions of these movies, and well here I am, reviewing another classic of sorts. This time around, we are going to be looking at the Joe D’Amato directed movie, “Cop Sucker” from 1998. It was released by Moonlight Entertainment, and it stars Maria de Sanchez, Kyle Stone, Christi Lake, Dave Hardman, Nick East, Mercedes, Sean Michaels, Gina Rome, Vince Vouyer, and Kimberly Jade. I’m a big fan of Christi Lake, and wish I could have met her, even now, just to interview her. But alas, here we are judging her performances because that’s what we do with this blog. So let’s take a break to 1998, and see what “Cop Sucker” has for us.

The starting line of this movie features Christi Lake sitting at a desk writing some notes. We then go to a scene where a woman is talking to a police officer. She’s dressed in his uniform, and there’s some soft music playing. It’s Kyle Stone, and Maria De Sanchez. Now, I’m a fan of Kyle Stone because he got to have sex with Stacy Valentine in the movie “Stupid Cupid”, and it’s one of my favorite scenes with Stacy Valentine.

Stone doesn’t want to have sex right away, he says he has to go to work, but Maria de Sanchez convinces him to stay for a minute to have some illicit fun. The movie shifts from safe, to sexy within 3 minutes. Maria de Sanchez is a latin woman that resembles Selma Hayek a bit, and she takes her clothes off completely, letting Stone start to give her oral. The starting point is oral from Stone to Sanchez, and away we go with the sex. Stone isn’t hard right away, he takes a little time, but Sanchez starts giving him a blow job and he starts to get up fast. I’ve never seen Sanchez before, but she is a perfect latina, with large breasts, long black hair, a thin waist, and gets into the role with relative ease. The two go into a bedroom that looks ok, a little bland overall. Nothing special here, and there’s no condom. The music sucks here, and it’s horrendous, smooth jazz. However, Stone gets hard, and starts to go back and forth with Sanchez, as she starts to moan. She reminds me a little of Katrina Jade, and the two have a little chemistry during this one. Even though Stone has a knee bandage, he goes through the motions of sex in multiple positions, and really gives Sanchez some attention. After about 15 minutes of sex, Stone can’t hang on and pulls out to let Sanchez get a facial, and the camera slows down a little, while she takes it on her face, and that’s the end. Not a great scene at all, and definitely killed by the music.

There’s a keyboard playing, and we see Christi Lake talking about an experience from the past. Lake looks like a former boss of mine, so she’s always been hot to me. She talks about a couple of cops that came to her house in uniform, and they are Dave Hardman and Nick East. They knock on her home’s door, and she’s waiting with a red dress on and red cowboy boots. Her hair is up. She’s a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, and if you’ve seen her before, you know that she is beautiful. I still wish I could meet her, just to interview her, but alas, I’ll digress. The two cops come inside the house and start to ask some questions.

After Lake doesn’t want to give up any questions, she asks them to give her a strip search. Christi Lake takes off her clothes, and the two cops start to unrobe. We start with Christi Lake giving Dave Hardman a blow job while Nick East gives her oral, and she starts to get into the motions. The music here is terrible. I hate it. Soft, bad jazz plays, and the trio start to work with the motions of sex. Hardman isn’t hard at first, so you see a soft penis get into the action, then you see East get hard and go in with Lake without a condom on, and just starts to go fast on the kitchen table. The music here is louder than the sounds of the sex, and I personally thought hit was distraction. Outside of that, Christi Lake has a beautiful face, and the sex is a little more inspired than the first scene. Don’t expect double penetration here because it doesn’t happen, it’s just a straight forward sexual romp. The trio have sex, one going in and one getting blown until the two end up giving her a facial and that’s that. Lake gets her hair pulled and a nice cum shot at around the 27 minute mark, and that’s it. Not her best scene at all, and well, the music really killed it for me.

We move along to a prison. We see Sean Michaels trying to interview Mercedes. He’s in a full suit and she is in a chair, with leather on. She tells Micheals that she is not going to tell him anything unless he gives her something. So the two agree to sex, as is the norm in these movies.

Mercedes is a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, with a stunning look to her. Michaels is an African American actor that has been a mainstay in porn for some time. Upon closer look, you may find that Mercedes looks like Donna from the 70’s show, and well, we get to the action in a few moments.

The music turns up, and it’s another soft jazz tune from the 1990s. It’s not old school jazz mind you, and it’s way louder than the sex. Mercedes gets on her knees and blows Sean Michaels, then he gets her up and goes in from behind. The contrast of light skin and dark is wonderful, and fans of interracial sex will love this scene, which is quite good. The two keep their clothes on for the most part, and Michaels even smokes a cigar during the sex, which is filmed in an abandoned jail cell. After a while, the two take off their clothes, an there’s a mattress strategically placed on the floor. The director decided to slow the footage down, increase the sound of the piano, and let you in on Michaels going deep into Mercedes. I found it boring, and not needed, but if it extended the time of thrusting, maybe it was a good idea after all. At around the 42 minute mark, Michaels cups on Mercedes’ chest and throat, and you see that she has a tongue piercing. They slow down the footage so you see a slow motion cum blast, and honestly, it’s not that good at all. Mercedes is beautiful, but the sex here is robotic, with music that is horrendous, and a set that isn’t half bad.

We go back to Christi Lake at the police headquarters, and outside is Gina Rome in a nice sun dress. She is in high heels, and she says that her cat is lost, and needs help. Vince Vouyer comes in to help, and the two talk a little.

Gina Rome is a tall brunette with girl next door milf looks. Vouyer is a mainstay of 1990s porno, and we go inside to a random house where she takes down her dress and starts to blow Vince. Gina Rome starts with a full blow job of Vince Vouyer, and he is hard nearly immediately. Again, this movie is awful with the sound, a smooth jazz track is louder than the sex, and there’s a lot of transitions through this one. The director doesn’t really focus on Rome’s face, because her teeth are all jacked up, and honestly, that threw me off. The two have sex on the counter, and there’s a reflection of the boom mic and more. Vouyer does ok here, but Rome’s teeth and overall performance lacks in passion, and the director slows down the thrusting to compensate. Eventually Vince can’t hang on, and he masturbates to a finish into Rome’s face and tongue. She’s not very attractive, especially with those teeth, I can’t unsee that. Sorry.

We are back at the office and Christi Lake is talking to the camera, saying that she remembers another sex story. This time it features Nick east and Kimberly Jade.

We are taken to a bedroom set with ok lighting. There we see Kimberly Jade, nearly nude and Nick East in uniform. She has blonde curly hair, and dark roots, and wears a black garter belt with stockings. East takes his pants down and Jade immediately starts to blow him, but he’s not hat hard. You can see the boom mic reflection in the head rest of the bed, and the lighting here is dramatically bad. Kimberly Jade has some amazing eyes, and is quite pretty compared to the other girls in this movie thus far. She blows East for quite a while, finally getting him hard. The music is louder than the sex again, and it’s awful. The music is so distracting here, and the director again slows the sex down so that you see the penetration in and out in slow motion. I didn’t like that. The two seem to have ok chemistry together, but it honestly reminds me of an escort having sex with a client, kind of rushed, kind of forced, and really nothing that passionate. The two have adequate sex, but the music is harsh, and the keyboards are so loud I had to really think twice about giving this more than a few stars rating. I do find Jade pretty, though, so for that it almost got me to attention. At the one hour and 9 minute mark, East cubs on Jade’s pelvis and that’s the end of this scene. It’s done in slow motion, and again, it’s not that good.

We are at our final scene, and this time around we see Christi Lake and Maria de Sanchez under cover, and going to a back room with Vince Vouyer. The music again sucks here, and really throws me off. You hear the sounds of the trio underneath the loud keyboard sounds of smooth jazz. Within a few minutes, though, Sanchez starts to blow Vince, and we are off to the sexual races. Christi Lake joins them too, and there’s a dual blow job given here which is quite good for the final scene. Vince has sex with Sanchez the most. They go into a couple of positions, and the finish shows Christi Lake and Sanchez getting a facial from Vince and that’s it. The movie ends abruptly and the credits role. There is slow down with the sex, and there’s a lack of passion and moaning. The music is far too loud again, and it just doesn’t fit the scene. The best part is the finale, with a dual blow job on Vince and summing on both Sanchez and Lake’s face, which must’ve been fun overall. Other than that, this really has a lackluster finish to a lackluster movie.

I give “Cop Sucker” a 2 out of 5.

Christi Lake can’t save this one, and the rest of the sex is lackluster. The director really messed up a good thing, slowing down the motions, and putting the audio way louder for the music than anything else. It messes with your head and vibe, making this a terrible movie to watch. I didn’t like it, but maybe you will, if you find it out there.

Sluts of the Nyle 3: Cream Filled Sluts (2001) Review

Sluts of the Nyle 3 (2001) Poster

Well, after some time off, and switching computers, we have come full circle, and we are back to reviewing adult movies. For those of you that missed the reviews, you didn’t miss much, you got a review of a John Holme’s feature. Today, we are going to be going upwards to the year 2001. So we get into a new era of porno, this time around going with gonzo pornography, which I personally always hated. I still hate it. I’m not a fan of gonzo, but at times you have to review them for the most part. This movie in question that we will be talking about is that of, “Sluts of the Nyle 3: Cream Filled Sluts” and it came out in 2001. It was directed by Jewel De’Nyle and was distributed by Jill Kelly Productions.

Since this is a gonzo production, the movie flows right into what you would expect, showing off the sex, and you don’t get much else to start. The starting line is set, with the credits, then going into a bathroom where we see Jill Kelly in lingerie talking about how she wants to get started and go with Julian.

For the first scene, we watch Jill Kelly in a nice bathroom in the Hollywood Hills somewhere, next to a tub. Enter Julian, and she takes off his briefs, and starts to blow him immediately. The two were once a couple, so they have a bit of chemistry. If you’re a fan of Jill Kelly, then you’ll appreciate her skills here, as they are on full display. She sucks Julian off well with a blow job that is a little messy, alongside a track of techno music that is horrible. The angles are right in there, so you see the whole thing, and she really gets to the meat of it, so to speak. Kelly does well here, focusing on pleasing Julian, who gets hard immediately. After a bit of changeover, some more oral, and position changes, the sex begins. There’s no condom for this, so it’s straight sex, with the two going through the motions for the most part. Jill Kelly has her implants here, and she does ok with Julian, bu you can tell it’s just “work” at this point as she’s not nearly as vocal as she was when she was in “Car Wash Angels”, which is still my all time favorite from Jill Kelly’s career. The finish of this one has Jill taking a cream pie from Julian and that’s it. He cums, and keeps pushing in and out and you see the aftermath, and that’s it. The music is horrible, the bathroom set is fine, the lighting is ok, and the performance is mechanical, but if you love Jill Kelly, then you will appreciate this one, especially the blow job after he cums. It fades to black and we are taken to another scene.

Up next we see Jewel De’Nyle talking to the camera about wanting to get started. The bedroom she’s in is decorate poorly, and looks like someone’s house, or a studio. I’m going to say that it’s just a studio, because it’s so generic, and the lighting is not like a bedroom at all, it’s cast like a studio overall. There’s not much to this scene, as the music starts, and we are taken directly into the action. Jewel De’Nyle starts to blow Joel Lawrence and Mark Wood, as the trio start to go through the motions of a threesome with ease. Jewel De’Nyle has long black hair, has large breasts, and at some point the sex turns into a double penetration scene, with both guys humming in De’Nyle. It’s basic if you ask me, and it’s not that fun to watch, a little mechanical, and while De’Nyle seems to enjoy it a bit, it’s just short, and mechanical.

We move along to another scene, and this time we see Chennin Blanc and Cheyne Collins. Blanc is a blonde hair nordic looking woman, with curves, and large breasts. The dude here has a 2000’s era rock star look to him, and the two have sex on a leopard print bed. The two immediately get into oral, and while it is functional, it again looks robotic to me. The music really throws me off. The bad techno music mixed with a terrible performance from the main guy here is just awful. We get multiple positions from the two, and average sound design, and it’s just average all around. There’s no condom, there’s nothing special here, a blonde haired busty woman, with average looks has sex with some random dude. This makes me not want to have sex, to be honest. Again we get a creampie, although it’s lazy, and well, I gave up on this scene.



For the next scene we move outdoors. It’s there that we see Angelica Sin and Rich Handsome. The two get into the sex with oral first. Angelica Sin has long black hair and a girl next door look, but she dives straight into the oral. Handsome, is not such, and he just goes along with the oral for the most part. Sin has a good quality to her, and while the music sucks again, with a terrible techno beat, the sex starts off promising with some oral that Sin seems very enthused with, including deep throating. She has very large breasts, a tan body, and gets into the action swiftly. The two have sex outdoors on some lawn chairs, and eventually Handsome cums, and that’s that. There’s a bit of anal at one point, but other than that, it’s just a simple sex scene that seems to be over too quickly as the dude can’t hang on.

The final scene shows off Jewel De’Nyle and her long black hair, and Haven. Haven is a tall, small breasted, skinny blonde haired woman. She offers a contrast to De’Nyle, and they both have fun with Dale DaBone. DaBone enters the frame and immediately gets blown, and starts to work with the two women, going all in without a condom. They have sex on a light brown couch, and just goes into each woman back to back. It’s lackluster, De’Nyle’s performance is not great. I should note that the blonde here doesn’t get any sex, she plays with a toy, and watches De’Nyle and Dabone work. It ends with another creampie and we are done, that’s it. Dabone does get blown by Haven at one point, but he only has sex with the brunette, which was boring to me.

That’s the end of the movie, and another reason why I don’t like gonzo porno movies, it just abruptly ends after the sex. Oh well, such are most movies that came out in the 2000s.

I give “Sluts of the Nyle 3: Cream Filled Sluts” a 2 out of 5.

You may like it, if you’re a fan of the actors in this one, but I am not a big fan, it just seemed mechanical to me. Even though I love Jill Kelly, she couldn’t save this one for me.

Teenage Cowgirls (1973) Review

Teenage Cowgirls (1973) Poster

Well we go back to 1973, and this time around we are going to be reviewing a golden age porno. These don’t always age well, but they give you insight into the movies that people would go to movie theaters to watch. With that in mind, let’s take a look at a classic, from 1973 titled, “Teenage Cowgirls”. This movie was directed by Ted Denver, and was distributed by Vide-X-Pix. The stars in this one include Amanda Blake, Brenda Day, Lilly Foster, John Holmes, Sally Withers, Adam Ward, and Charles Orlando. However, there are some “faceless” people too, and some that didn’t get any credits, so I can’t really do much about that one. The movie is old, I don’t think there are many historians other than myself writing about these movies, so I’m going to just go with the information that I can gather. Pour yourself a stiff drink, and settle in for a 1973 movie that features the famed, John Holmes.

I love the credits on these movies. They are always looking like “real” movies, and they aren’t just gonzo pictures that get thrown into the VHS player. There’s a cinema score, and there’s music that accompanies all of this as well. I find that to be endearing. The movie starts with an old boom town. You see an old wooden building and it says, “Luck Dollar Casino”, with a horse out front, and nothing more than a façade. You really get that this is a ghost town, and it has long lost the positive push forward. You start to hear some moaning, and the camera starts to move into the action.

Starting the sex, we see John Holmes in doggy style with a random woman. He is in full deep, and just keeps going forward, with the theme song playing the backdrop. The two are wearing Western themed clothing, and it’s 1970s, so no one is shaved, and it’s just straight forward sex. There’s a very lackluster money shot at the end, and it looks forced, with Holmes cumming on the woman’s back, and that’s it. He puts his pants back on, and that’s it. This may be the worst opening to a porno movie ever made, and it really is poor production, and poorly focused. Wow, what a terrible job.

From that point forward, Holmes walks away and says thank you. We then get our second song of the feature, and Holmes gets his horse and seemingly takes off. That’s it. We see a random man coming to town on a horse. He gets off the horse and starts to walk into a barn. The music fades, and we just see a rugged man holding onto his gun. He asks where the 12 by 12 bandit. He then starts to unbutton his shirt, only to say, he’ll be back, and that he doesn’t have enough time to move forward with a woman. Another country music song starts, and the random fighter rides along.

We then get forward progress to another scene. We see two random dudes talking, and then Holmes shows up and takes a woman on his shoulder. He puts her on his shoulder, and she protests a little, before Holmes puts out a blanket inside a barn. He then says he is going to have sex with the woman. She reluctantly sits down, and Holmes pulls down his pants.

This grainy scene features Lilly Foster and John Holmes starting to have sex, at around the 12 minute mark. We start with a blow job, and you see the size of Holmes. Although, he doesn’t seem to be getting too hard early on. The two exchange oral, then get into the sex. You can’t really see a whole lot, and Holmes doesn’t last more than a few minutes before he cums on Ward, and that’s it. This is a lackluster display, and really just bored me. There’s no passion to this, at all. It is just kind of there. Holmes gives you a money shot, but meh, it doesn’t produce much. You get another western song underneath the scene and that’s it.

We see John Holmes and another dude just riding horses, when they come upon a couple of African American women. They just watch as Adam Ward gets into action with one of them. We then get moving into an interracial scene, and if features Adam Ward getting a blow job, and then getting into just oral in a barn. The scene is just oral, and that’s it. It’s not that long, and it’s kind of grainy, making it hard to see what is going on.

Up next we see Charles Orlando with the other African American woman, and this is another mainly oral scene. There’s a money shot, but honestly, there’s not much to this. There’s a little bit of reverse cowgirl, but overall, this doesn’t really go too hot and heavy. There’s a good country western song underneath, and they do have sex outdoors, but overall, this is as boring as a married couple doing it on a Thursday night.

The screen fades and we are taken to see Lilly Foster and John Holmes outside again. The two discuss having sex, and they start to work a little bit more into the nudity. Lilly Foster is completely nude here, and has a young body. She is not shaved, she is thin, has long black hair, and of course John Holmes is, well you know. This is boring, it’s mostly missionary, but you get a few splices between the previous sex scene and this one. This time around, John Holmes is completely hard and he goes all in with Lilly Foster, so that’s a sight to see.

Out in a field we see Charles Orlando with another African American girl, and the two have a quick sex scene. It’s so quick that I almost missed it when I was reviewing this movie. It’s lackluster at best, and honestly, not worth even taking anything out of your pants for. You hear no moaning, no motion, just see the action and a few moments for the money shot.

We then see the gunslinger from the opening of the film creeping up on a lady. He is going to shoot, but then gets thwarted by someone else. The scenes move forward with no major motion, and we then go to a barn where one of the African American women sucks of John Holmes. That’s it. It’s just a blow job scene, and nothing major.

The movie climaxes with a gun fight. John Holmes shoots, and that’s it. It’s the worst acting job I’ve ever seen. Ugh, this is a terrible movie.

I give “Teenage Cowgirls” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst porno movie I’ve ever seen. There’s lackluster plotting, acting, and sex. It’s a movie that is most likely part of a double feature at a movie theater, and well, it is what it is. It’s a far cry from the stuff that Deep Throat and others were doing that’s for sure.