Thursday, July 19, 2018

Video Tramp (1984) Review

Video Tramp (19984) Cover 
We go back into our time machine again and this time around we are going to be looking at a movie that was released into theaters and onto VHS and Beta Max from 1984. Going back in time to the 1980s is always fun, at least for me, as you get a glimpse of porno from the past. In this movie, "Video Tramp" we are taken back to the times when video stores were still around and it's one of my favorite time frames, as I love video stores. It's here that you're going to find the stars align for a Jack Genero directed film. The stars of this movie include Jessica Wylde, Tom Byron, Marc Wallice, Andrea Brittain, and of course Christy Canyon. So with that all in mind, let's get to the movie, in which we are taken to a video store.

At the video store, we see Christy Canyon as a video store clerk that recommends videos to different patrons. In the store at the opening of the movie is Tom Byron. He wants a movie for himself and his girlfriend, and picks up a John C. Holmes feature, as it is recommended by Canyon. The box is shown on the screen, and then we are taken to a bedroom where Byron is hanging out with this girlfriend. Within 3 minutes, the sex begins, and we are off to the races in this porno movie from 1984.

We are taken to a wooden clad bedroom. We see Tom Byron and Jessica Wylde in bed, and they start to kiss. Jessica Wylde is a brunette, and has a "hippy" look to her, as she's young, has medium sized natural breasts, full pubic hair, and extremely long hair. She is very feminine and looks amazing next to Tom Byron in this one. Byron of course looks young, because he is, and the two start with oral, as an acoustic song loops. The oral is good, with Byron going first, then Wylde giving Byron a blow job. It's here that we see Byron as "Dirk Diggler", if you ask me. and while the lighting, and the scene is straightforward, the music really is annoying. The sex starts with reverse cowgirl, and it's somewhat vanilla in nature. It's just straight forward, with a little moaning, and Byron going through his usual positions and speed framework that he has in his 20s. The set is not well lit, and Wylde is pretty, natural, and seems to be enjoying herself as the camera moves around a little bit. The music absolutely makes this scene suck, though, ugh, I'd rather not have music to be honest.Thetwo continue through different positions, and it's not a terrible scene. By the 13th minute, the music stops, and it is quite sexy, for a while, but Wylde seems to not be into it even though she moans a bit. Byron pulls out and cums onto Wylde's butt, and that's it.

We move along and we see Marc Wallice talking to Tom Byron. Wallice has lost his job and he is a but crestfallen, but tells Byron that a girl is coming and it's going to be better. That's when Christy Canyon approaches and the two guys convince her to come back to an apartment and have sex. The apartment has the same wooden walls as the other scene, only this time the trio go to a brown couch to start and have sex. Those that haven't seen Christy Canyon should know she has large breasts, long brown hair, is not shaved, and is an icon in porno. Tom Byron and Mar Wallice take turns giving oral to Christy, while a smooth jazz piece places, and she blows the two of them. The performance here is good, with Christy really getting into her role, and the guys just letting it flow with the movements that Christy gives them overall. The two take turns having sex with Christy, there's no double penetration, just doggy style, reverse doggy, and meanwhile she sucks off a guy. That's it. It's a modest scene, with simple progressions, and fans of Canyon's large breasts will delight. The music sucks, the lighting is ok, and the sex is formulaic, but Canyon steals the show with her unique body, and mannerisms. After some position changes, we finally get a money shot, and it shows Wallice cumming on Canyon's breasts, while Byron never really finishes.

We go back to the video store, and a recommendation is made.

The movie moves towards Jessica Wylde, and we see her watching a porno. She watches in the same bedroom from the first scene, and she just plays with her self for the camera while watching an old porno movie, and that's it.

The movie shifts gear again. This time giving us a new vision, with Andrea Brittian and Jessica Wylde. You've already seen Jessica Wylde, but here comes Andrea Brittain. She's a pretty looking woman, with short blonde hair, very much in the 1980s style, small breasts, light skinned pubic hair, and a calm demeanor. Wylde and Brittain start to kiss, and then go into oral, as the terrible music once again starts and loops. As far as lesbian sex scenes are concerned, this is one of the worst I've seen.

After the two women engage in sex, we are taken back to the video store. Christy Canyon and Marc Wallice lock up the store, and the two start to talk about selling more adult videos. Canyon asks Wallice to follow her, and the two end up in a backroom of the video store. It's there that the two start to talk. Christy Canyon has a blue dress on, and starts to ask Wallice to get physical, and the two start to make out a little. The music starts, and it's awful yet again. Whomever picked this music is terrible! I can't believe how awful the music is. The lighting is ok, there's a lot of shadow here, but the lighting is nicely placed, and the camera zooms in nicely through it. It's not a multiple camera thing, it's one main film camera, and the lighting leaves a bit to be desired, as the shadows are insane for this scene. The sex starts to work well enough, and it's not bad. Canyon does her thing, and Wallice is a sad sack at a few moments. He doesn't get hard at first, and then he tries to get himself hard for the sex, and eventually gets stiff enough. Canyon goes with reverse cowgirl to start, and it's good as the director decides to pull back the camera so you can see what is going on. The two continue to have sex in a backroom, and eventually Wallice finishes on the pubic hair of Canyon and that's it. It's an ok scene at best.

We go back to the video store, and this time it's Jessica Wylde talking to Christy Canyon. She wants a special video for her and her man. But Canyon tells her about the back room. The two decide to go back there, and start to make out, and then Canyon goes down on Wylde for a while. The lighting is better for this scene, and the camera stays in tight with what appears to be a fisheye lens at one point. If you like lesbian scenes, this is a good one, compared to the others in this movie. The set is ok, the floor is fine, the shadows are bad again, but the sex is adequate, and isn't too flashy, and naturally moves forward. The camera work is fine too, but the music once again horrible. As the scene continues, Tom Byron shows up, and starts to make out with Canyon as she sits on Wylde's face. Byron takes off his clothes, and starts have sex with Wylde, while Canyon guides the two, and that's it. Canyon rims Byron at one point, which is an interesting finish. Byron stays in one position mostly, and the sex is fine, Wylde seems to like the happenings, and eventually Byron cums on Wylde's butt, while Canyon plays with him a little, and that's that. The end of this movie.

I give "Video Tramp" a 2 out of 5.

Unles you're a big fan of Christy Canyon, I wouldn't recommend this movie. However, Christy Canyon fans, you'll love that she is in 3 scenes, and does get naked and has sex a lot, which is the point, right?

Monday, July 9, 2018

The Villa (2005) Review

The Villa (2005)
We are back again with another porno review, and this time we are going back to 2005. We go back 13 years to see a movie that was shot on film, and was a bit of a film within a film. In this movie, we are going to get focused on what the industry is kind of like, but in a very, cinematic presentation. There’s film grain from the start, and we get thrown into the mix within 5 minutes of starting. The movie we have selected for today is called, “The Villa” and it was released in 2005. It is part of the collection of movies that Janine did with men and women, getting away from her lesbian only content, to do men. This movie stars Janine, Jassie, Evan Stone, Julian, Haley Paige, Tiana Lynn, Vincent Vega, Nick Manning, and Dale Dabone. The dvd version of this movie has a lot of extras, but I got a no-frills review copy, so I can’t comment on that. This movie was directed by Paul Thomas, if that is of interest to any of you.

The movie starts in a large mansion. We see a young brunette talking to a director in a little black dress. The director here is Janine, and she’s talking to the woman and telling her that she has to have more than a pretty face to get involved in the industry. She then starts to dance for Evan Stone, and we get started with the first sex scene. This scene, starts with Jassie and Evan Stone playing with one another, and then move into oral sex, with Janine joining in. There’s a camera guy here that is getting filmed and that’s Julian, and he gets into the action when Janine turns her attention to him. Janine starts to blow Julian, while Jassie and Evan Stone have sex, making this a four way sex scene. This starts fair enough, but Jassie is overshadows by the veteran performers in Julian and Janine. The camera moves around a bit, but you don’t want to see what Evan Stone is doing, even though it looks like he took off his condom at one point. Fans of Janine are going to want to selfishly look at whatever she’s doing, and she moans and is more theatrical than the young one. Julian of course is jacked here, and he is in prime, while Evan Stone is also built, the two throwing down what you would expect from the vets in porn. There’s no music after the initial techno sound, and you get an interesting movement throughout the filming. There’s a roaming camera throughout, and there’s sound that shows off the movement more than anything else. The interior is lit well, the design is great, and the two guys take turns with Jassie, after a while, and you hear Evan Stone and Janine going at it again at the 14 minute mark. Mind you, there’s a lot of sex going on here, all protected, but still with lots of sound and more. You are not going to be left out wondering what is going on, that’s for sure. Before the 15 minute mark, we see dueling masturbation and Stone and Julian cum on their partners, and that’s it. Janine blows Stone after he cums, which is an incredible sight, but other than that, you’ll find that this ends as hot as it began, with dueling cocks showing off, and Janine and the vets throwing down a great scene. Jannie is the missing link here, she’s just not that good.

The scene ends and we see Janine and Evan Stone talking. They are discussing whether or not Janine wants to get involved in movie making, and she says that she doesn’t want to be involved with Gonzo movies, that she wants to be in features. She then says that she will retreat to a villa somewhere for a while, and that’s where we catch up with her next. Janine is scene at a computer, and she starts to type what her movie would be like. We then start to hear some rock music, and see a random dude jogging to what appears to be a lighthouse. Then we see Janine walking around with a hat on, and just going through a walk or something. She goes to the base of her home and picks up her mail. That’s when a random dude runs by, and Janine looks at him with a bit of intent. The rock instrumental reminds me of Soundgarden or Alice In Chains for the most part. As the movie continues, we see that Janine is having a bit of writer’s block, so she starts to imagine the jogger and starts to play with herself before bed. There’s some soft music playing, and there’s a lot of shadow in this bedroom scene. There’s an attempt at art here, not just straight forward sex, which is always a nice touch. Janine goes solo here, and that’s about it, nothing major.

Janine either goes to sleep or wakes up from a dream to find that there are three people in the villa just kissing and having a good time. A terrible looping musical soundtrack begins, and we end up seeing that it’s Vincent Vega, Haley Paige, and Tiana Lynn. Now, I’m not familiar with any of these performers. Haley Paige and Tiana Lynn look young, like in their 20s, and they have French tip nails, long hair, one is dirty brown, and the other is a little more blonde. They are completely shaved, one has large breasts and the others aren’t so big. Vega is clean shaven, latino looking, and seems to get hard fast, but the women are more interested in themselves. After some kissing, we end up getting some foreplay. Haley Paige, and Tiana Lynn start with oral, then give oral to Vega, before the trio start into the hardcore sex. The music stops during the sex, and the trio get down on a black couch. It’s not a great scene, and the women moan a bit dramatically, with Vega doing his best to keep things moving up and up. If you had an “average” porn scene, this would be it. The trio have robotic sex, and while there seems to be an attempt to squirt at around 30 minute mark, there’s nothing major going on other than your standard sex. Even Vega looks a bit robotic here, and there’s a lack of passion. Music restarts around the 31 minute mark, and things continue. This is a longer sex scene than the others, but that doesn’t make it great. The scene ends with Vega finishing o the girls, and that’s it. It’s sterile, and lacking emotion, but visually, it’s well lit, has a nice interior design, and well, it works on the level that it’s straight sex.

The scene ends and the women say that Vega can go and that the other woman can go. One woman tells two to go and then Janine shows up and helps the duo leave. Two people leave in a Jaguar, and it leaves Janine and Hailey Paige all alone.

The movie progresses, and we are taken outside where a gardener is working. Haley Paige is getting nude and feeling the pool water. Meanwhile there’s a random dude jogging, and Janine once again sees him. She offers him some water and stops him. The two talk a bit. Janine asks him if he wants to take a break. He says he cannot take a break, but maybe next week he will be around. Janine says he can definitely come back, and the movie goes back to Haley Paige in the pool. That prompts Janine to come out in a bikini and hat, and then starts talking to Paige.

There’s a lot of filler in this movie, I’m not going to lie. Janine is just meandering through the movie, and we are treated to seeing her moving through different areas. The movie moves to where Janine talks to the random dude at a spot that looks a lot like the Melody Inn near LAX. At around the 45 minute mark there’s a bit of a sex scene, but I’m not sure who it is, it’s not Haley Paige, but it’s a lot of close ups featuring a young waitress and a dildo. But that’s short lived as Janine keeps trying to hit Nick Manning. When Janine sees that Tiana Lynn wants in on the sex she runs away from Manning, and says that she’s not interested in him anymore. Manning goes back to the bar and that’s where Tiana Lynn is waiting for him. Either way, Paige has small breasts, reddish brown hair, and Manning is built and thin overall. The sex is fine, with the two getting oral first, then around the 55 minute mark Tiana Lynn squirts, which is interesting, but manning is just odd, and goes nuts as he drops a load. HE’s like a cartoon in this movie. He makes a lot of noise, and I laughed at the whole thing.

We go back to the Villa and that’s where we see Haley Paige and Janine. They end up in the shower together, and the starting point is lesbian sex, which is normal, I guess, it’s nothing crazy, I can’t complain. It’s slow moving, and Janine looks far older than Paige. Paige and Janine have lesbian sex in a very nice shower, with techno music going on. There’s a lot of kissing, and a lot of fingers used in this complete solution. A dildo shows up at around the 1 hour mark, which is somewhat good I guess. This is a teaching moment more than anything else, and honestly, it’s not a bad scene, but it’s far from what I thought it would be overall. I appreciated the sequence enough, and while it’s well lit, it has some interesting moments, it’s really just somewhat robotic at times. There’s no passion. Oh well.

We move to another scene, and this time we see Haley Paige swimming in the nude when Nick Manning shows up. Nick Manning is a cartoon performer. Haley Paige and Nick Manning start having sex, and it appears to be a part of Janines fantasy more than anything else. He reminds me of the dude that replaced Dirk Diggler in “Boogie Nights”. He’s loud, he’s demanding, and he is like a cartoon to me. “That’s it baby, suck, yeah suck”, is not sexy. He’s built, has a medium sized penis, and yells at times. “YEAH!”, is not something you want to see from a random dude. He moves through the motions of sex with Haley Paige, and I can honestly say that this is the first scene that actually is good with Paige genuinely enjoying the sex, and Manning throwing down some serious edge at around the 1 hour 13 minute mark, which is impressive considering he plays it like a “bro”. If you want to see a comedic moment, just watch this, Manning is hilarious, and perhaps that’s why he kept getting work? This is a parody of porn, right? Oh man, I couldn’t believe it.

There’s a point when Manning calls Janine a cunt, and then she pushes him a pool, and that’s that. He goes away.

The next day we see a gardener coming through the Villa and he starts to get led by Janine into an outdoor patio area. She starts to whisper in his ear, and the two start to make out. Janine slowly caresses him, kisses him lightly, and then the two start to take their clothes off. The gardener here is played by Dale DaBone. He’s an average looking white dude, but this is a focused scene for Janine, which starts easy enough. Dale Dabone starts to give Janine oral, the two start to make out more, and then we are off to the races with sex, including Janine taking off her sun dress. Fans of Janine, waiting for her to have sex without a condom on will get really close around the 1 hour and 21 minute mark where Dabone rubs his penis on Janine’s vagina, without insertion, but just rubbing, and getting wet. It’s an interesting play of sorts, and one that gets cut in favor of more oral. A blanket is put out, and the two start to have sex on it, but you don’t see if Dabone puts on a condom or not, which may be the director’s way of trying to hide the fact. The sex starts smooth, slow, and steady. It’s not that fast, it’s not that hard, it’s just steady and Janine seems to have fun here before she asks for him to cum on her, which he obliges, and ends the scene. The music cuts out, you just hear them have sex, and that’s the end of this scene and the movie for the most part. We go back to Janine eating cake, and looking at a computer screen, and that’s pretty much it. Janine turns in a script, and Evan Stone talks to Evan and then they just share a few moments. Janine shows off the cast, and that’s it, we get a moment where one of the women squirt, and that’s the end. Weird ending.

I give “The Villa” a 3 out of 5.

While I didn’t think it was completely horrible, and I love Janine, I felt that the performances sandwiched between hers weren’t that good. Janine makes up for it, and if you’re a fan of hers, this will be a great option to look into, but other than that, it’s not that great. It has a lot of filler and it’s not that long of a movie.

You can purchase “The Villa” which features Janine in two different boy and girl scenes by CLICKING HERE, and getting all the extra features and scenes.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Next Friday Night (2011) Review

Next Friday NIght (2011) DVD Cover and Poster 
Today we are going way modern, and we are going to be talking about a movie that is based on a music video by Katy Perry. You may know the music vide for “Last Friday Night” quite well, as it is one of her hits. But did you know that they made a porno that was directly related to the song? Well, now you do, because here we go, diving into the 2011 release known as “Next Friday Night” and it was produced and distributed by Wicked Pictures. That means that you’re going to get better overall production, music, artwork, and more. This is high budget stuff here folks, a far cry from gonzo, but then again, within 2 minutes, there’s making out, so there’s that. This movie stars Nikki Delano, Marco Rivera, Alektra Blue, Bill Baily, Stevie Shae, Tiffany Tyler, Kaylani Lei, Barrett Blade, Brendon Miller, and Seth Gamble.

The movie starts with a girl that looks like Katy Perry riding a bicycle, with head gear on. If you’re familiar with the music video, then you know what to expect overall. She’s just saying hi to people in the neighborhood, and the credits are rolling, before we get to a bedroom.

In the bedroom, which is furnished nicely, we see Nikki Delano, and Marco Rivera starting to make out in a nice bed. The two just kiss a little, and Delano takes off her pink leopard print bikini. Delano begins with a blow job on Marco, and it’s not half bad. Delano is a long haired, dirty blonde, and gets into the action quick. She’s short, has some curves, and looks like the girl next door, with minimal make up, and an affinity for blowing her lead. Marco is shaved, and Nikki really does good here, and she really uses two hands on her delivery. The sound is mostly just the sucking, although there’s some music in the background. This is well lit, overall. The two exchange spots, and Marco gives Delano oral, and you get a good look at her legs, her body, and face. This is an ok sequences, she’s completely shaved, there’s a lot of shadows in place, with the director pushing you into the action. It’s at the 8 minute mark that I notice that Delano has augmented breasts, and has a petite frame. When she gets on top of Marco for cowgirl, you can totally tell her body type. Marco wears a condom for this, and it’s a good scene for straight forward sex, nothing to complain about, so if you like straight forward sex, and are a fan of Delano, this is as good as it gets. Delano moans a bit, and seems to get into the sex with Marco towards the 9 minute mark. The two work well together, and there’s plenty of action within the short scene, until Marco cums on Delano’s breast, but at that point you see that she’s just going through the motions, and well, he is too, making this ending mechanical overall. No passion at the end, which hurts the overall scene if you ask me.

The scene ends, and a random dude shows up and finds that his daughter, Delano with a man! That ends up causing the scene to switch. We see two girls talking on the phone. We find that Delano is grounded by her parents, and the two pretend that they are 18. Then we hear about the bigger picture. There’s a party being planned for next Friday, and the girls are going to try and rope in Alektra, who is playing Katy Perry in this movie. The girls pretend that they want to throw Alekta, who’s named Betty, a party. Even though they’ve give her a lot of swirley’s last year.

After the scene, Alektra talks to her nerd friend. Her nerd friend has braces, thick black rimmed glasses, and we see a day dream scene with some dude named Ricky. Alektra dreams of having sex with him, but for the viewer, we see Ricky kissing his own muscles, and sweating and pouring baby oil on himself. We are then brought back to reality, where the two nerds are sitting on a bed.

Up next we see Betty dreaming, and in her dream she finally hooks up with Ricky. This is a weird dream set, and Alektra gets down fast. She takes her clothes off to reveal that she has lingerie on, and Ricky has a knight’s robe on. Alektra Blue starts with a blow job on Bill Bailey, who is playing Ricky, and it’s not great. Bailey is not up hard at first, so it’s a bit odd to see her sucking a flaccid penis, trying to get it up, but the scene fades into the sex, and things seem to be working better. They start with standing doggy style, and there’s a condom in the scene. Alektra Blue is one of my porno crushes, and she has long black hair, a thin frame, lightly tanned skin, large breasts, and bright eyes. The sex here is not that good, it’s mechanical, and it’s just standard fair. The two have sex with rocks in the background, and eventually Bailey finishes on Blue’s pubic mound and stomach. It’s a lackluster scene, with bad techno music, and an ok sequencing. Meh.

The next scene shows the two popular girls giving Betty a makeover, changing her style, hair, and more. We are then taken to the party, and we see the makeover that has occurred. There’s a party, with a band in the corner, and lots of random notes that points to “party” but in that late 1990s teenager dream type of world. We see Betty going through the house looking for Ricky, and finally finds him. The two talk near the refrigerator. Ricky asks her to make a sandwich, and then we are taken to an upstairs area.

In the upstairs, there’s a bedroom and that’s where we are treated to Stevie Shae and Tiffany Tyler going at it. The two are thin, newer models in the porn world. One is a brunette and one is a blonde, and the two are very tin, and start to get into action. The blonde has a lot of tattoos, and the brunette looks like a dancer. The two go for oral at first, and kiss, while there’s soft music in the background. The room looks a lot like a hotel if you ask me. This isn’t a long scene, by any stretch. The two are shaved, and they end up giving each other oral, and then scissoring while they moan, and use their fingers. Nothing too fancy, just straight forward clitoral stimulation, with neither one getting to wet. It’s a nice visual if you like lesbian sex, but it’s not for me, they lack passion. The scene is well lit though, so that’s good.

After the sex, we see Betty knocking on a random door and the chicks come out and Betty is mad! She is upset that there was lesbian sex going on in her parents room.

From that point, we are taken down to the party, and it’s awful. We are taken outside to where there are a few people poolside just hanging out, and smoking a bit. We see that Ricky is not interested in Betty, and her nerd friend tries to talk to him about it, but to no avail. The camera then shifts to another story, this time, it’s the band. The band is just sitting around with Kaylani Lei, as she wants to blow them both, so they start to get into it. Kaylani Lei is an Asian porno actress with small breasts, and gives Brendon Miller and Barrett Blade each a blow job at the same time. This turns into a full fledge sex scene in the back of a van. The trio has enough room to do doggy style, and that’s about it. The camera closes in and you see the action, and there’s condoms of course. It’s not a great scene, but it isn’t horrible either. It’s what you’d expect from your standard threesome. It ends with the two guys cumming on Kaylani Lei’s chest, and that’s it.

After this scene, we go back inside and the party is winding down. We see the Nerdy dude talking to Betty and telling her about how she fought off Ricky. Betty finds out that the house is a disaster when she gets a phone call from her parents. She says that there is no party of course. So she finds out that her parents are coming and that they all need to clean up fast. Well of course, we get a quick cleaning scene, and well, we get the nerd to help.

The party is done, and we get some over acting from everyone as people flee the scene. Then we get a cleaning montage, and the nerdy dude and betty are on the couch together. They start to make out.

Alektra Blue and Seth Gamble make out on the couch, and then start to grope each other. The clothes start coming off, and we start to see the last sex scene. Alektra takes her clothes off first, and then blows Seth Gamble to start. The nerd isn’t even up at first, and she gives him a hand job to help, but it’s not looking good at around the 1 hour and 15 minute mark. He doesn’t get up fast, mind you, and even though she’s blowing him, he’s not very hard, which is a terrible thing to happen during a scene. He eventually gets hard, mind you, but it takes a minute or two, and then the two exchange positions. The sex starts with cowgirl, and you see a condom on, with a giant stuffed panda in the room. The two go through several positions, in a dimly lit room, with Blue doing her best Katy Perry impression, keeping her socks and earrings like the music video. The sex is adequate, and eventually gamble takes off the condom and cums on Blue’s face, and that’s it.

Betty’s parents show up, and that’s it. She wonders what happened, and she thinks she had a dream of it all. She opens up a cabinet and Ricky is inside asleep, and that’s the end! The movie ends there.

Now, this movie was nominated for Best Actress with Alektra Blue, and Best Comedy for the AVN Awards in 2013, and it was nominated for best Couples-Themed Release of the Year from XBiz Awards. I don’t think it was that good, but hey, I’m not a big time critic.

I give “Next Friday Night” a 3 out of 5.

This movie is sexy, it’s modern, it has a plot, it has what you’d expect, but with only 2 major scenes that I would enjoy seeing again, it’s not worth more than a 3 out of 5. The mid-section of this movie is boring, but the ending and the beginning is great overall, so I liked that. I liked the production, and enjoyed the overall feature, just didn’t think it was the greatest.

If you’re a fan of Alektra Blue, or just like Katy Perry, then you’ll want to buy “Next Friday Night” by clicking HERE.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Mrs. Behavin (2005) Review

Mrs. Behavin (2005) Poster 
We are back to our normal tricks, watching porn and reviewing it for all 2 of you. I had to take a break because I was working on a lot of other things, but I’m back. This starting point is going to be another movie that features a favorite of mine, Janine. Janine, Jelena Jensen, Mandingo, Jean-Claude Batiste, Erik Everhard, Sophia Santi, Scott Nails, and Brooke Haven are all in this movie. The movie that we will be trying to take into consideration, is that of “Mrs. Behavin”, which is touted as being the first major interracial movie that Janine was in, without a condom. She had changed up her career path in the 2000s. Now, There were moments where I saw a condom, so I don’t know, maybe that moniker was just here and there? I don’t know. I can tell you this much, this movie is going to cause a lot of people to hate porn, and I’ll get into why in a moment. The movie was directed by Celeste, and was distributed by Digital Playground. I don’t hear a lot of talk about this one, but hey, that’s just what happens. Let’s get into the movie that is quite different than any other porno I’ve ever seen ever.

The movie starts with action right away, you get some credits and then you are thrown into the action. It’s hardcore, but it has a soft, artsy feel, and there’s a rhythm and blues song playing, as the actors start to get into the action. Janine, Jean-Claude Batiste, and Mandingo start to kiss, and give Janine oral, picking her up in a kitchen and disrobing. The music is horrendous. This is a slow moving sex scene, and eventually ends with Janine getting a couple of facials and that’s it. The song is horrendous, and it lasts too long. Celeste’s direction is nice here, but I’d much rather hear the audio than the music track that covers everything. You don’t hear ANYTHING, mind you, you just have the soundtrack, and the visuals of hardcore. It’s a terrible thing to do with a porno.

The movie switches to a random hardwood floor in a home. It’s Jelena Jensen and she’s playing with underwear, and there’s some acoustic music going on. She starts to play with herself, and then starts to just look at the camera seductively. This is an art piece, and it’s really not that grand. Jelena Jensen is a big breasted brunette, with red lipstick, and reminds me of an escort I once saw in Vegas. She’s pretty, don’t get me wrong, but there’s no sound other than the music, and she just kind of looks at you longingly while she plays with herself a little. This is like watching the old Playboy channel.

The music and scene shifts and we are taken to a white couch in a living room somewhere. It’s here that Sara Stone and Nick Jacobs start to get busy. It looks like a college couple or a couple of high school seniors are going to have sex. Sara Stone is a big breasted, light skinned, thin brunette. Jacobs is an alpha male looking dude with a large penis, and well, has no charisma. There’s acoustic blues music that plays over the whole thing, and you don’t get to hear any of the audio. The camera is ok, but the overall process of the sex seems a bit slowed down, and well, it’s ok at best. The couple goes through the motions, multiple positions, lots of back and forth, but since you can’t hear the moans or the groans, it’s just slow motion sex, and it’s really not that entertaining, if you ask me.

Moving forward, we see a frat house set where Janine is trying to get with one of the guys, and she finally gets him. Janine and Erik Everhard start to make out on a couch, and then start to have sex. Another acoustic slow song starts, and we are treated to slow motion sex with these two. There’s multiple positions, mind you, and for the most part there’s a sexiness to it, as Janine is always hot, but it’s not as good because you can’t hear the sounds at all. You can’t hear her moaning, you can only see the movement, and it’s kind of boring.

Up next we see Sophia Santi playing with herself to some smooth jazz. She’s on a staircase, she’s brunette, has long hair, black pumps, and a thin frame. She’s good looking, she doesn’t watch the camera, and the jazz keeps playing through. She plays with herself and that’s it.

The movie moves along and we are taken to a scene where a busty blonde is doing a striptease to a country western tune, and she is slowly going forward with making Scott Nails watch. It’s not a great scene, and it’s just another slow motion artsy sequence that will no doubt lead to sex. Scott Nails and Brooke Haven start to have sex on a brown couch and it’s ok at best. The two are symbiotic in their sex, and it’s nice to see. Haven has large breasts, blonde hair, red lipstick, and is completely shaved. Nails is just there like a toy, and it’s not a terrible scene, but the slow motion and the song just ruins it for me. Again, you cannot hear what’s going on at all.

We move along and see Janine and Scott Nails next. An alternative country son is playing, and Janine is wearing a short black dress. Scott Nails and Janine start to make out in a bedroom, and then she starts to undress. The two slowly start to caress, before Janine gives him oral, and things start to progress swiftly. Nails doesn’t wear a condom for this scene, but again, you cannot hear the sounds at all, and the artsy camera angles and the music takeover. If you were expecting to see anything traditional, this is the wrong movie for you. Not even this ender has something worth while. The sex is fine, slow, and steady, and eventually Janine gets cummed on and that’s it.

I give “Mrs. Behavin” a 2 out of 5.

This may be one of the worst porno movies I’ve ever seen because it doesn’t have the sound of the women moaning, and it’s all artsy. I don’t mind artsy, but I didn’t expect this at all, and it is just not for me. Maybe someone else out there is going to love Janine but I can’t in this movie.

You can buy “Mrs. Behavin”, or stream it by clicking here, and see if it’s worth your time. It’s hardcore, it has Janine having sex without a condom, and it has an interracial duo at the beginning, and well it’s not a bad looking flick, just not for me.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Time Machine (1996) Review

The Time Machine (1996) Cover 
Ok, so it takes a little while to keep coming back to this, but hey, I’m here and we are going to be discussing a high budget movie for a change. This time around, let’s focus on a movie that came out in 1996. This is a movie that was directed by Jace Rocker, and was distributed by Wicked Pictures. The movie was shot on film, has a lot of props, and different actors that were great for the time. The movie stars Serenity, Jonathan Morgan, Ruby, Alex Sanders, Mitchell Grant, Tatiana, Peter north, Colt Steel, Sindee Coxx, Davia Ardell, and Tracy Love. The title of this movie, from 1996 is, “The Time Machine”.

The movie starts with Jonathan Morgan and Serenity walking around a mansion. Morgan’s grandfather have left him an interesting home, and the two start walking around the home to figure out what is going on from the past. They end up going through an old lab, and that’s where Morgan finds a letter. He reads the letter out loud as he walks around Serenity, and the two start talking about time travel according to Einstein. The two are great actors here, and I’ve always said that Morgan has been good in the movies that I’ve seen him in. The two start to look for the machine’s components and how to use it, then they uncover it. It’s not too unlike the H.G. Wells version, mind you. There’s a lot of attention o details on the set here, the sound design, the acting, the script, and the introduction. To the point that Morgan doesn’t have sex with Serenity right away. The build up of this movie features a lot of build up, and Morgan reads the letter, and discovers the machine and more. After Morgan reads that he has been given 1 million dollars in gold, Serenity perks up and, and says that there’s something that makes her quite horny about money, and so the two begin to undress.

Serenity and Jonathan Morgan start to undress, and Serenity goes for a blow job right away. Serenity has a girl next door look to her, with dirty brownish blonde hair, and perky, young breasts. Morgan looks like your average joe, a teacher even, and the two start things off with making out, before Serenity gets on her knees to give a blow job. The camera follows them nicely, and there’s a soft jazz tune that plays, with a minor bass tune. The camera blocks things as if this were made for cable, but eventually you get hardcore, because you know, that’s what I review on this site. Serenity blows Morgan until he cums, and he’s not that large, and doesn’t have a lot of semen, so if you were expecting a large cum shot, you didn’t get it here. However, Serenity’s skills does well enough to get him to cum, so if you’re a fan of just pure blow job scenes, then you’ll appreciate Serenity’s dedication. Although, Morgan doesn’t seem to get quite hard for a while, so maybe that’s why the scene gets cut short.

During the blow job, something gets kicked on, and the two end up going through time, as Morgan can’t figure out what is going on. There’s a bit of B-footage playing, and you get a mix of different b-level backgrounds as the two end up going to a wild west area. The two figure out that they are in 1882. They just sit there and argue, and discuss how they are going to get back to their own time, while Serenity gives Morgan some guff for getting them lost.

The movie progresses, and we see a wardrobe change for the two, playing up the wild west theme. The two get involved with a couple of outlaws, before running off to try and protect themselves from getting hurt. Meanwhile, we are introduced to Ruby, Alex Sanders and Mitchell Grant in a saloon that turns into a sex scene. Ruby here looks like a prostitute from the old west, while the guys wear western garb. The saloon set is good, with wooden floors, and a lot of background elements that make you get into the scenario quite well. There’s a tune that plays behind the action, and it’s not half bad, with Ruby getting naked first, and on her knees, blowing both Sanders and Grant immediately. The two waste no time getting hard, and while they aren’t huge, Ruby does a great deal of work to get them excited. There are no condoms here, and Ruby yells a great deal, cums, and is really loud at the 30 minute mark, which made it difficult for me to continue my review. The two take turns having sex with Ruby, although the scene isn’t that long. By the 30 minute mark, however, Ruby cums hard, and one of the actors cums a great deal on her pubic region, and rubs it all in, making for an interesting ending.

After this scene we are taken to a tent, and inside is Peter North wearing Native American garb, and a woman is with him. The woman is named Tatiana, and North is supposed to be a Native American here. Tatiana gets on her knees and starts to blow Peter North, with an instrumental tune in the background, and it’s very much supposed to resemble Native Americans having sex, although Peter North is circumcised, so there ya go. Tatiana is a Latin looking woman with black hair, and large breasts, with a great deal of curves. The two go through the motions of sex well enough, and North just lets her pound against him in doggy style to start things off. It’s not a great scene, but if you’re a fan of Peter North, then you’ll know his style, and it’s not always passionate, as much as it is adequate for the cameras. At the 38 minute mark, however, North really starts to push things, and gets Tatiana to scream a bit. She looks a little like Brie or Nikki Bella to be honest, so if you know who they are, then you may like the scene. Things go into anal towards the end of the scene, with a full focus on reverse doggy style, and after a few minutes, you get another classic Peter North cum blast, and if you’re a fan of those, then you’ll know what to expect as he unleashes all over Tatiana’s face and chest.

After the scene, we see Jonathan Morgan talking to Peter North, and if you’re someone that is upset with racism or cultural appropriation, then you’ll hate what you see here. It’s somewhat racial in nature, but it’s a porno as well. Morgan is funny, and he’s great at using the strict, with North doing some straight man gimmickry. Morgan is great though. He gets Serenity and then takes off the western wear, and then gets on the time machine and gets sent to the Roman Empire.

In Rome, we see the Time Machine land with Morgan and Serenity. They think it’s 1996, but it’s not, it’s 196, and the two start to argue again. The two put on Roman gear, and say that they want to go back to Egypt. Things go sour but one of the Roman soldiers that finds them starts to talk to Serenity long enough to get her to go back to his home, mainly a bedroom.

Serenity starts to unrobe, and is in the presence of Colt Steel, which looks cut, and has a beard. He has long hair, and looks every bit the part that you’d expect a Roman soldier to be. He’s ripped, he has a somewhat large penis, and Serenity blows him immediately. What really breaks the mood here is that Steel wears a condom, so you know that attention to the details gets thrown out the window. Aside from that, however, the set here is a candle lit area, with roman style drapes, carpeting and more. Throughout that, Serenity starts to ride starting with cowgirl, and moans a great deal to begin. This is not a passionate love making session mind you, it’s fast paced, and gets to the meat of things quickly, with Serenity really getting pounded. The Roman Soldier goes through various positions with Serenity, and it’s a sexy scene, that is fast, and eventually garners cum on the back of Serenity. This is not the best scene in the world, but if you’re a fan of Serenity, then you’ll like how it turns out, with her in multiple positions, moaning and cumming.

After this, Morgan and Serenity get back to the time machine and they go into the future. The future is where they end up as an experiment, mainly Serenity on a slab talking to an alien. Then comes in a woman played by Sindee Coxx and they start to make out. Sindee Coxx and Serenity go through a lesbian sex scene. The backdrop here is a futuristic space medical lab, and it’s a good set. Coxx is a tall, blonde haired, somewhat skinny woman, and looks very much California, if you know what I mean. Serenity and her work together well, with moaning, oral, fingers, and more. The majority of the scene is spent with oral and fingers that’s for sure, and they seem to get into it, which is always nice to see with lesbian sex scenes.

The movie then shows off Jonathan Morgan and he’s in the caveman times. He ends up talking to Davia Ardell, and Tracy Love. These are two very thin, very small women. They make a few jokes and then Morgan is asked to get on a bed for them. They rip off his clothes and then he gets hard, and the two end up having sex with him. Davia Ardell, Tracy Love, and Jonathan Morgan start to have sex, and it’s a stone age setting, with some good lighting. Love and Ardell are petite women, one with enhanced breasts, but both wearing black hair wigs. They immediately get Morgan hard and start with a dual blow job sequence. This is the most mechanical sex scene, with the women moaning in robotic tones, and Morgan just going through the motions, trying not to cum too fast. Visually, this is ok, but honestly, it’s lackluster performance makes it somewhat boring, and mechanical. Those that have had casual sex and just went through the motions will recognize this first hand, with just boredom. There’s a small cum blast, and he wants to get out of there before a dinosaur gets him.

The scene ends and Morgan wants to go back to his time. He gets back to his time machine and starts to wonder how he can get Serenity back again. At the end, Morgan goes to the future, and rescues Serenity from the aliens, and then flies away, with an explosion that leaves them back at the old mansion, and that’s the end of the movie. A sci-fi twisting porno, with some good acting, good sets, and some mediocre sex here and there. Serenity is hot at times, Morgan’s acting is great, and the effects are good for a porno.

I give “Time Machine” a 4 out of 5.

One bad scene aside, this is a well put together porno, with some good moments, including a few elements that made me want to stop reviewing and do other things, so that’s always a plus. It’s not a great one, but it has a lot going for it, all things considered, so it’s definitely a 4 out of 5 effort.

If you're inclined to purchase adult movies, make sure that you pick up "The Time Machine" on DVD or stream it HERE!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Ginger Lynn The Movie (1988) Review

Gnger Lynn The Movie (1988) 
You didn’t think I abandoned this blog did you? I know I took a little break, but I’m back, and my first movie on this return is a movie that is actually a bit of a compilation. It came out in 1988, and I cannot confirm that this ever played on the big screen or not. It’s a movie that compiled a lot of footage from Paradise Visuals, the company that did a lot with Traci Lords. The original cut of this movie does have Traci Lords in it, mind you, but of course you know that it’s hard to get movies with her in them. While I am able to get them when I go overseas, I cannot get them in the United States, as they were supposed to be thrown out. Anyways, in 1988, a movie came out called, “Ginger Lynn: The Movie” and it features scenes that include all Ginger Lynn. If you’re a fan of Lynn’s early work, then you’re going to love this one, because it is all about Ginger, which is always nice. Even today, Ginger Lynn looks amazing, and well, let’s consider this movie and how it all comes through.

The opening scene is from the movie, “The Young Girls” which came out in 1984. I reviewed that one, I think, and if not, well, you can seek that one out. The scene features Ginger Lynn and John Holmes. The two start in an office and talk a little before Ginger Lynn takes off her clothes and presents herself nude to John Holmes. John Holmes starts with oral on Ginger Lynn. Lynn here is young, tan, blonde, and has small breasts. She’s still new in the industry, and it shows, allowing for distinct vibes from Holme’s oral delivery. After some initial oral, Lynn gets on her hands and knees and sucks off John Holmes. If you’re not aware of who he is, you’ll find that he’s huge, and his penis here is on full display, and it’s before he lost all the weight and looked like a drug addict. This is early Holmes, and it’s fascinating on one hand, and odd in another. Lynn works well with the large size. After some solo work, masturbation, and close ups with no music, mind you, Holmes cums on her face and that’s it. Nothing major here, no sex, just a blow job and a finish.

For the second scene, we see Ginger Lynn in a bedroom pleasing herself slowly for the camera. There’s saxophone jazz music playing, and it’s an average scene, nothing spectacular. It’s a short one, but it works in a very “Playboy” soft kind of way, but it still has some hardcore elements to it, so don’t let that fool you. It’s Ginger Lynn, masturbating, that’s it.

There’s a sequence that features Harry Reems, and the two kiss at one point, but it’s tame, and nothing really to report. It’s a futuristic looking scene where the two kiss in a box, and that’s it. Reems is then seen talking to Harry Reems, and the two just talk about the scene that they were working in. Reems takes Lynn back to his apartment and the two start to make out on a bed that looks like a 1980s bedroom. The camera cuts and Lynn immediately starts to blow Reems. She’s fully naked now and the two start with 69. The sex here has no music to it, and it’s just Reems and ginger, sweating, making out, and going through several motions of sexual intercourse. It’s semi-fast at times, but mostly it has a lot of kissing and slow moving sex, with Ginger moaning here and there, and nothing too complex. There’s a money shot that they slow down, and that’s it.

The next scene features Peter North driving a car, and he’s simply going to meet with Giner Lynn at this point. He is thin, wears a suit, and is visiting Ginger at a random house.

It’s here that the camera cuts and we see Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon making out, nude, and then starting to work with a lesbian sequence. There’s punk rock music in the background, and the set is terribly lit, with a bit too much orange lights. The bedroom is mired by late 1980s covers, and the two women are the epitome of porn from the 1980s. Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn go through the motions of lesbian sex here, and it’s not bad, all with Peter North just watching. The film grain is terrible here, and the two women just seem to work ok together, doing what you’d expect. Oral, fingers, and scissoring for the most part.

The scene ends, and we hard cut to Ginger Lynn moaning loudly as she’s getting plowed by Tom Byron. This scene is from another movie, and it’s not half bad. This is average at best, and it’s very short, only a few minutes, and Byron cums on her back. It’s so fast that you won’t even time to get hard.

The scene gets cut, and we are taken to an orgy scene that features, Crystal Breeze, Ginger Lynn, Sheri St. Clair, David Sanders, Eric Edwards, Marc Wallice, Peter North, and Tom Byron. This scene has some music to it, and it doesn’t just focus on one girl, it focuses on all of them. If you like orgy scenes, then you may like this one. For me, it’s boring because the camera keeps shifting and the sex is just somewhat formulaic, and clumsy for the most part. The editing isn’t that good, but the music kind of neat. Ginger Lynn does put in a good performance, considering she’s not the main focal point of the whole scene, and does in fact moan a lot, but her moaning gets lost with other women in the scene.

There’s another hard cut and we go to Beverly Bliss, Crystal Breeze, Sheri St. Clair, and Tom Byron engaging in a sexual escapade. They are all nude and there’s nothing to this scene, but the girls kissing and going at it with Tom. They are all brunettes and there’s no GINGER, and the editing here is horrendous. The camera shows you more of the facial features than anything else.

The next scene is throw into good measure, and it features Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn having sex with Jamie Gillis. This is another short scene, but it’s one that is quite good if you like Canyon and Lynn together. Gillis is a lucky man here, aging, and somewhat simple in his look, but he manages to get both women aroused and gets involved with each one, sans condom. There’s a heavy bass line here, and at some points Canyon looks into the camera, but it ends with a money shot onto Canyon and Lynn’s back. Gillis looks like a creepy uncle here too.

The scene fades to black and we see Peter North and Ginger Lynn talking by a lake. The two go forward to a deck chair and start to engage in sex. Ginger Lynn starts to blow Peter North, and out comes Christy Canyon, wanting to jump in as well. Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon, and Peter North start to have outdoor sex, and the film grain is horrendous, the lighting is bad, and the camera has to fight shadows everywhere. This scene doesn’t last too long, mind you, and by the time North starts to get one of the actresses to moan, he cums, and that’s that.

I give “Ginger Lynn The Movie” a 2 out of 5.

Look, I love Ginger Lynn, and I’ve seen her in a lot of movies, but this is not a great one. Inf act, it’s a bad compilation that promises 9 scenes and possibly some bonuses, and it’s awful. I could see this being a video store rental, and that’s it for a quick ride. However, there’s no story here, it’s spliced from other movies, and the editing is beyond horrendous, which is why I can’t recommend this for anything else than for observation and history. Other than that, collectors are the only ones that will want this one, not the average porn consumer.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Between The Cheeks (1985) Review

Between The Cheeks (1985) Poster
Again we go back to the 1980s. I feel that no matter what I do, the 1980s keep sending me back to the decade to check out the porn that came out from that era. It’s funny, because that’s when the film grain is used most, and the artistic elements seem the best. But then again, there are also some terrible movies from back then, so let’s not get carried away with giving them praises. As far as our time machine is concerned, it’s going to 1985. We are going to 1985 to review a movie that was directed by Gregory Dark. The distributor was VCA, and the stars are some of the major players from the world of porn. The movie here is called, “Between The Cheeks”, and it was released in 1985. The stars of this movie include, Summer Rose, Aurora, Steve Powers, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Tony Martino, Laurie Smith, Steve Alexander, Gina Valentino, Sheri St. Clair, Ginger Lynn, and Jack Baker. This is not a long movie, but it stars some big names, and that may be why it has come time to review this one.

The movie begins with the classic Dark Brothers logo, in which they claim that they are purveyors of filth. A classic 1980s rock soundtrack begins and we start with the credits. The music has lyrics, and it’s a licensed musical number, as we are introduced to the actors in the movie, with clips of the sex that you’re going to see later on. The song is called, “Between The Cheeks”, and it has full lyrics, and it’s made for this movie! It’s an interesting little introduction, alongside the images of what’s to come. This gets a full point from me, just for the music starting point.

The movie starts with a Jack Baker talking to three people in a warehouse set. There’s a lecture about the difference between cats and women, and we have three students that are playing dumb. It’s funny to see how they try to inject characterizations into the movie. We find out that the guys here are in an asylum, and the teacher is nothing more than part of the craziness. Baker’s a good actor, and he does well here, as he did in other movies from the 1980s. The starting line is interesting, with Baker carrying the acting element more than everything else. He goes through the lecture and it sounds like he’s discussing pimping, an of course, it aint easy.

The screen fades and we are taken to another part of what appears to be a warehouse set. Here we see Summer Rose, Aurora and Steve Powers. One woman is a tall, thin, long haired brunette with a thin face, that looks a lot like my third grade teacher. Then there’s a woman that is a total punk rocker, with short hair, and the 1980s punk aesthetic look, and she starts this scene giving the brunette oral. Steve Powers is in the background somewhere with a pair of white nikes on. Summer Rose, Aurora, and Steve Powers engage in a threesome that begins with oral. The set here is a makeshift bedroom, with lighting from above, yellow walls, and a random mattress. We are nearly 10 minutes into this one when it starts, and it begins with Powers flaccid, and getting blown, while the punk chick rims and eats the brunette. There’s a few shadows cast from the crew, which made me laugh, and there’s a continued shadow near the bottom of the bed that shows you there’s a crew in the lighting, which makes this amateur hour! There’s a focus on anal play with fingers at first, but Powers soon gets in from behind to start with doggy style on the brunette, to the tune of some Devo sounding tunes. No condoms are used of course, and doggy goes forward with anal, while the brunette moans and screams, with lighting underneath to show you the penetration. After some time, the women switch and Powers go for the punk chick while the women get into a 69 position, and we see the sex go forward with some light moaning. The music intensifies and Steve doesn’t hold on much longer before he pulls out and cums on the brunettes face, and that’s the end of the scene. The ending element is awesome, with Powers getting blown after the fact with gusto, and really looked good, a point that has always garnered me hot, including a lot more blowing for a long time after the fact. It’s so powerful that powers nearly cums twice here.

We go back to the classroom and there’s a lot of dialogue and random talking. This is like watching a late night comedy routine, and it’s really only great if you watch it. I can’t really explain it too much, it’s a bunch of guys in an asylum talking about sex, in funny voices, and being stupid. It’s funny, it’s shot on film, and I can totally see this in theaters from the 1980s.

After the guys go back and forth we are taken to the next sex scene. This sex scene features Summer Rose, Marc Wallice, and Steve Powers. This time, Summer Rose is dressed like an extra from Cats, with long curly hair. She’s tall, looks a bit older, and goes through the motions of sex fast. Powers and Wallice are there with fully pubic hair, and they just go through the motions with a terrible soundtrack. After about 25 minutes, we get the first DP of the movie. If you’re into DP, then you are going to enjoy seeing this sequence as the trio go in together for a full blown focused energy movement. It’s a bit unsexy, mechanical, and while it works, you can tell Summer Rose is just gritting her teeth and taking the sequence. It honestly doesn’t do much for me, as it doesn’t really seem like the trio are that into it, and mostly just waiting for the director to yell cut or for someone to cum. After the guy doing anal cums, Rose goes down to blowing Powers, and that’s it. No second cum shot, just one, and that’s it.

After the scene we go back to the classroom and the guys are talking about random things. Then one of them speaks up and says that he was involved in foursome once, and then we are taken to that.

Ginger Lynn, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, and Tony Martino are in this sex scene, and it has a few guys masturbating onto what appears to be bowls of jello. There’s harpsichord music playing, and the camera shifts to Tom Byron in a red hat giving Ginger Lynn oral. Ginger Lynn is in her prime here, thin, young, and has that 1980s hair style, it’s a really interesting look for her. She’s nude on a table, where the jello was, and I can only laugh at the premise. The four some do well here, and it’s really a matter of time before two of the three go in for DP. If you’re a fan of double penetration, then you’re going to get it at around 36 minutes into this movie. Ginger Lynn seems to take it well, and actually moans and seems to concentrate on the movements. What isn’t sexy is seeing one of the guys completely flaccid as the two go for DP, and he just throws around the rope trying to get Lynn to suck it, but he’s flaccid. The camera moves away from that fast, and just shows you the penetration with some terrible clown type music. There’s no cum shots here, the screen just fades to black and we get back to the classroom.

Back at the classroom and we start to see a random talk about aliens, etc. They argue back and forth, and we are then taken to a sex scene again.

The next sex scene is in a random warehouse, with a bed that has a red comforter on it. This time, the lighting is done well, and the sex is slow moving at first. It features Laurie Smith and Steve Alexander. Laurie Smith is a tall woman, with small breasts, unshaved, and has big hair. Alexander has the Freddie Mercury vibe, and if you see this you know exactly what I mean. There’s no condoms here, and there’s no shaving, it’s full hair. Despite the good lighting, and the interesting sexual chemistry, the sex isn’t that enthusiastic for the most part, and it seems like the two are just going through the motions, which isn’t a bad thing sometimes, but the director is scatter brained about what to show, and therefore it lacks that sensuality that you’d expect. Plus, Alexander looks so much like Freddie Mercury, that you’re going to be wondering what the hell is going on here. Eventually, after some lackluster sex, Alexander cums on Smith’s backside and that’s it. Perhaps one of the weakest porn scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie.

Moving along we are back at the classroom and we see more stories being told. One of which is about an alien and that there’s secret women on Jupiter. This then sends us to a warehouse where thre’s a makeshift bathtub, and some fish on the wall.

The bath tub is on the floor and it features Gina Valentino masturbating by herself, her hair up, and just moaning. Meanwhile, we see Marc Wallice on a nearby bed just stroking himself, with nothing else. After some time the two join each other and Wallice starts to give oral, as the two end up going with a 69 position for a while. There’s some Caribbean music playing to start this, and we see things really heat up. Valentino is a tanned, tall, brunette with natural breasts, and the scene accentuates those features quite well overall. There’s a bit of sex here, but it doesn’t last long. It quickly divulges into a major blow job scene with Valentino’s hair coming undone and flowing down. Wallice gets a blow job for the finish of this scene, and the music throws me off completely. As far as chemistry is concerned, these two seem to have the most fun, and it really was a good scene to see at the end, even if it’s done with comedy music etc. The ending here is with Wallice cumming in Valentino’s mouth, and then we fade to black.

We then go back to the asylum and we see the teacher talking about a surprise. That’s when Jack Baker bring sin a woman. In comes Sheri St. Clair, and she comes in lingerie. Baker gives everyone an impromptu anatomy lesson, and well, away we go.

Sheri St. Clair starts with oral, and it’s kind of gross. The reason why is because Jack Baker isn’t hard, and that’s something that always bugs me about these 1980s porno movies. When someone isn’t hard and they insist on keeping the camera on them, it’s a bit odd. Sheri St. Clair, Jack Baker, Marc Wallice, Steve Powers, and Tony Martino are the featured players in this scene, and it’s a sexual romp that is absolutely awful overall. It’s not sexy at all, and it’s supposed to be a lesson in how to have sex for the asylum guys. At one point Baker masturbates but isn’t hard, and it’s probably one of the grosses scenes I’ve seen in porn, although he eventually gets it up and cums on St. Clair. After he’s done, the other guys come through and start to have sex with St. Clair. St. Clair is a tall brunette with black lingerie, and looks a little older. She has full pubic hair, and seems to enjoy the process of working with the guys, but it’s a mechanical scene otherwise, and just a paint by numbers sex scene. It ends abruptly, and we get the song from the beginning. That’s it, the movie ends and we get the credits rolling.

I give “Between The Cheeks” a 1 out of 5.

I should give this movie a 0 out of 5, but there are some moments that are interesting, including some nice set design and interesting music. Other than that, this is perhaps one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my 100 plus reviews. It’s so bad, that I don’t even know what to tell you more about this. It has an interesting cover, and if you saw it in rental stores, you probably would’ve rented it, but other than that, this is a movie that is lacking in anything sexy, and perhaps it will work in a pinch, but not for me. Not even Ginger Lynn’s DP scene can save me from this one, although she’s a lovely lady none the less.
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