Sunday, October 14, 2018

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) Review

The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx (1995) DVD Cover
Today we are going back to the 1990s. This time around we are going to be looking at a movie from Wicked Pictures and directed by Fred Lincoln. I have no doubt that this was one of the many movies that I saw on the Spice Network, when I was a teenager. The movie is from 1995, and it features a cast of performers you may know very well. The cast includes, Stephanie Swift, Vince Vouyer, PJ Sparxx, Colt Steel, Anna Malle, Hank Armstrong, Roxanne Hall, John Decker, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. These are main players in the world of adult cinema at the time, and if you are familiar with 1990s porno, then you know these people already. This movie was released in 1995, and was distributed by Wicked Pictures, and the production value shows that from the starting line, only to get moving forward to a movie that has 5 scenes. So let’s go to the 1990s and see how this all plays out, in the movie, “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx”.

The movie starts with a party scene, and in this scene we see Vince Vouyer dancing a bit. He is a stripper, and at the 5 minute mark, we realize that this is a porno, because he takes his underwear down, and Stephanie Swift is there to service him.

Stephanie Swift begins the scene with a blow job on Vince Vouyer, and her technique is grand. The brunette star has changed in recent years, as she’s now an advocate against sex abuse, and porn, but here she is performing at her prime with Vouyer in a toned, shaven state. The music is a classical mix of new wave jazz, and bass sounds. The set is a warehouse somewhere in porn valley, and honestly, it’s like any other den or living room scene, with a light colored couch, made of leather, and lighting that hides the boom mic here and there. The lighting is fine, the overall sequence is good, and if you’re a fan of Swift, you’ll love the length of her blow job for this sex starting point. A condom gets put on, and we see Swift start with cowgirl, facing Vouyer directly on the couch, and bouncing slowly until she starts to moan. There’s a good editing quality here, as the camera moves through various angles, all with a nice shadow of lighting from the perspective of where the director and cameras are. The two go through different positions, but eventually Vouyer can’t hold on, takes off the condom, and cums on Swift’s face. It goes up her nose at one point, and she stays in the scene, eyes closed, and that’s it. She blows him upside down at one point, and that makes this a stellar opener, even if the keyboard and guitar work takes me out of the show.

The movie moves forward, and we see P.J Sparxx asleep on the same couch. In comes John Decker in a suit and tie. The movie then goes forward to set up a simple plot, where Decker is not satisfied with his sex life. He talks to a girl, then we are taken to a bedroom set, very much a standard set that I’ve seen from Wicked Pictures. PJ Sparxx is in latex now, and talks to Armstrong about getting kinky. John Decker says, no. So then she goes to the kitchen and starts to write a letter to someone she wants, of course, not John Decker. This is a kitchen set, and it looks semi-real here, so maybe it’s not just a warehouse somewhere. She seems an envelope and sends it away, and that’s that.

After some time we see Sparxx in an office, and in walks Colt Steel. She says that she wants some action, and throws herself at Steel. He obliges, and starts to undress. This is in an office, and we see PJ Sparxx full body here. She’s thin, has large breasts, is blonde, and tan. She has a great body for the 1990s porn world, and Steel is cut out of, well, steel. He looks like he should be on the cover of a romance novel. Sparxx opens up her blouse to reveal her large breasts and steel immediately goes to sucking on them, and we venture into foreplay. The music here is all bass and some jazz notes, but mostly synth and bass heavy moments of jazz. Sparxx starts things off with a blow job, before Steel gets to give her oral. She’s shaven for the most part, with a slight amount of hair on her pubic mound, and the show continues with some nice oral close ups. The sex is tame, all things considered. Sparxx has black heels on, and she’s really loud during this one, as Steel goes through the motions of protected sex while she masturbates at the same time. She has such a loud, high pitched moan that it becomes a little annoying. Steel is concentrating, not passionate, robotic, and the lighting here throws a lot of shadows into the mix. There’s minimal passion here, and a little less chemistry between the two. Sparxx is glassy eyed at the 30 minute mark, and it just seems forced at times, almost like when hiring an escort and it’s just not that grand. She bends over at one point, and they go doggy style for a minute or two before Steel has to cum and lets go on her butt. Visually this is an ok scene, but it lacks the passion that the first scene had, so it is a diminished scene. Plus, Steel is more muscle than penis, so if you’re expect a hung guy, he’s not that big. At least not in comparison to his muscles, so there’s that.

The scene ends, and we are taken back to the house where we see Sparxx in a wig just talking, and what not. There’s a little bit of attention given to the scene, with talking, and then we are taken to another set. This time it’s a living room, and there’s a studio light in the left hand corner in full view! Oh man, there’s also a gear bag left under the foyer, and you see a full display of lighting left to be seen. Now, while Anna Malle is in one area, we see PJ Sparxx making a salad, and then a door bell that keeps ringing and ringing. Anna Malle is a hot woman, by the way, she passed away due to an auto accident from what I heard. But she’s tan, has large breasts, and is quite hot. I’ve always liked her enthusiasm, and in this one, she opens the door, and in comes Hank Armstrong to kiss her and the two passionately begin. All the while Pj Sparxx is making a salad, then she walks in on the two, and just looks on, with a smirk.

Anna Malle takes her panties off with the help from Hank Armstrong, then gets fingered to start the scene. She has her signature tan lines, and mostly shaved pubic region, and the two begin against a wall. The rock music in this scene is horrible, and takes me out of the scene right away. The light is hilarious on the left, and it casts some serious shadows where it shouldn’t be. The living room has a floral couch, white walls, and Armstrong goes down to oral right away. I should note that Anna Malle has her own panties in her mouth as she moans at what Armstrong is doing, although very calculated, and somewhat robotic. She eventually gets on her knees and blows Armstrong, and it’s the best one I’ve seen in a while. Anna Malle always seemed to enjoy this sort of thing, and she’s been in documentaries saying such things. There’s no condom here, and Anna Mall goes for doggy style on a floral couch, and she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it that much. She says a few dirty things, and Armstrong does his job, but it’s pretty much a robotic sexual transaction. It is also blown out with light, and the two just don’t seem to connect like I would expect. The director probably fell asleep at one point. Towards the 45 minute mark, we see anal start, and if you look at Anna Malle’s eyes and her direction she is looking for cues from the director, and it’s awful. It’s the most robotic sex scene I’ve seen in a long time. These two have no chemistry, and it’s just purely sexual. After some anal, Armstrong cums on Malle’s butt, then goes back into her, and she talks nasty, but geez, she’s not enthused here, and it truly is nothing short of transactional, like an escort, even with the final kisses. This is perhaps one of the worst modern sex scenes I’ve seen in terms of passion or lack of it.

We move along. We see John Decker hanging out in a bedroom and Roxanne Hall is dancing. Decker watches Hall undress, and she’s a somewhat tall, skinny, all natural young woman. Decker is in his underwear and in a bedroom set. He talks about how he got fired because his wife cheated with his boss, Roxanne Hall plays an escort, and wants to help Decker relax a little. So she begins with a blow job. Roxanne Hall gets oral John Decker, in a random bedroom, with green comforters and shadows all around as the lighting is coming from various sources. The shadows here are tough. At around 55 minutes, the two do 69, which is always a cool little spot, and the two seem to go through the motions in this scene. At the 58 minute mark, we go straight for anal, and there’s no condom. If you’re a fan of anal, you’ll like this one, as at one point Hall even screams, “John”, which is the actor’s real name. As for Decker, he does adequately here, hard, and penetrating anal, with some lube, and no condom. It’s only anal here, nothing big, and eventually Hall gets a facial, and that’s it. This is a good scene, with bad music, and interesting lighting, but Decker seems to have to hold onto his erection with his hand, and eventually just cums on Hall’s face, and mouth and that’s that. It’s ok, at best.

The final scene features three women on a hammock. They have toys, it’s got an upbeat jazzy tune, and it features PJ Sparxx, Tyler Sweet, and Ruby. This has natural light, and lots of it, as they are outdoors, and it is mostly just oral and toys. Nothing big here, just two blondes and a redhead. It’s perhaps one of the more boring scenes as the sound design takes a major dip here, and you barely here the moaning. The music is put on blast here, and the women seem ok with what they are doing, and seem to moan a bit, with toys etc. It’s a lengthy threeway lesbian scene, but it’s far from “great”. The scene ends with Decker walking in on the threesome, and shaking his head.

I give “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” a 2 out of 5.

One great scene doesn’t make for a stellar porno, and that’s all you really get for this one if you ask me. Now, as I always say, I’m just one man with one opinion. If you’re a fan of Sparxx, then you may love this one, and of course, if you’re a fan of Stephanie Swift, you’ll love the opening sequences. She does well in it.

You can purchase “The Many Faces of PJ Sparxx” by clicking here, or streaming it at the same site.

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Friday, October 12, 2018

The Pillowman (1988) Review

Pillowman Poster (1988) 
Today we are going back to a John Leslie directed movie. This movie in particular was released by VCA, and stars some major people. I’m going to say, that the diverse cast alone is one reason to see it, and the second? Well, the second is the fact that I used to see a lot of this poster around my local rental store. You see, I didn’t go to Blockbuster, I went to Asian owned video stores, and they would always have a well stocked porno section behind red curtains. So, I would see “The Pillowman” posters every time I went in, and never got to see the movie, until today. Today, we are going back in time to 1988, for a movie directed by John Leslie, and starring lots of great names, including the following. Chanel Price, Peter North, Brandy Wine, Tammy Reynolds, Joey Silvera, Aja, F.M. Bradley, Renee Morgan, Tony Montana, and Britt Morgan. Now that we know what movie we are reviewing, of course titled The Pillowman, and we know the stars, let’s get into this movie from 1988 to the future!

The first thing that I liked was the font and titles shown for the movie. The movie starts with the title and then runs the credits, and we see a man with a letter jacket from high school, snooping around a home. He has a flash light, and we see him just looking around, obviously trying to be inconspicuous, as he wants to rob the place. The lights abruptly come on, and standing there is a blonde with a revolver. She asks, “what do you think you’re doing?”, and it’s Peter North with his hands up, and a gun to his chest! Chanel Price is holding the gun, has her hair up, and full makeup. She’s taller than Peter North, but maybe cause she has heels on. North says nothing, as a gun is on him, and Price starts to grab him, and see if he’s packing, to which she is surprised, cause she feels his penis. She pulls down North’s pants, and honestly, it’s not that big. It’s flaccid. It’s a little penis. But of course, that leads to sex.

Chanel Price, a tall, milf looking blonde, in a white dress starts to blow Peter North from a flaccid state to get him hard, and he grows fast. Fully erect, Peter North has been said to be very thick, and big, and of course we all know about his epic cum shots. I recall that Jenna Jameson states in her book that he was the first major porn star to open her up and really cause some pain, cause he was so big. Here, he’s the right size for Price, as she starts to strip him and get him to a point of sexual conquest. Chanel Price is a big girl, she’s tall, amazon features, large breasts, and is completely shaved. She towers over North, and goes into reverse cow girl to start. The set here screams 1980s, with a lot of bad drapes, terrible furnishings, rugs, and what appears to be a den in your uncle’s basement. Music kicks in as the two start to have sex, and it’s not that great. Price takes over the whole way, and she is truly a big, tall, girl. Looking up some info, I found out that Chanel Price is 6 foot 3 inches tall, and she totally looks it here, towering over Peter North. However, she gets into the sex, and if you are a fan of both tall blonde women, and Peter North, you’re going to love this one. The sex goes forward and eventually Price gives North a blow job until he cuts in her face, and that’s the end.

After the sex, Price says that she recognizes North as The Pillowman! He then tries to talk to her a little, and eventually gives up, and goes home. We then see North walking around the city, just chillin. It seems to be Los Angeles in the late 1980s. He walks into a pawn shop, and he just waits in line as we see people bargaining, and he gets yelled at for not paying up. It’s not a pawn shop, after all, it’s an apartment building and he is scolded for not paying the rent. We then see North talking to his roommate in a bad apartment, and it’s a random old guy. I though tit was Silvera, and of course he is an icon of good porn acting. However, the mood shifts as we are taken to another set, this is a warehouse porn set, and that’s where we see a couple of women making out.

The two women are Brandy Wine and Tammy Reynolds. One blonde and one brunette, and the two are making out, as Joey pulls out his penis and starts to masturbate. The women here are voluptuous, all natural breasts, big 1980s style hair, not shaved, and Joey has his fro and he’s stroking it. He then joins the action. We get close ups of Brandy Wine, Tammy Reynolds, and Joey Silvera getting into the sex. There’s some great jazz music for this scene. The set is terribly lit, and looks like your average porn garage in the valley, with a brown couch. There are no condoms here, it’s the 1980s, and Joey gets into it fast, first getting into the brunette, and really just going along the motions of sex. There’s some bad shadows here and there, and you can see the boom mic at one point, but the whole thing is casually filmed, with a focus on the action at times, and at other time, the women’s breasts. Nothing too fancy here, mind you. At the 32 minute mark, Silvera cups onto the brunette’s pubic mound, and then immediately gets back up and goes back into her! Silvera is a golden god for this, as I haven’t seen this since TT Body did it with Jenna Jameson, he gets a few more minutes of stroke before he cums again, and the refractory period of his work is incredible on this scene. Wow, Silvera pulls off a stellar scene elevating this movie’s rating from 1 out of 5 to a 3 out of 5 just for that sequence.

Moving along, we end up with another moment in time. We see Peter North styling his hair, and he’s in a random warehouse set. He then appears at a random house, and talks to a dude. The set changes and we are in a den somewhere in Los Angeles. Aja comes down, and F.M. Bradley is on the other side of the den watching. Aja is a brunette, her hair is up, she has a 1980s look and feel to her, and immediately gets on her knees to suck off Peter North. Aja has natural breasts, and has this amazing look to her. She’s quite hot here, and North looks like he’s going to pop within a few minutes, but controls it a little. There’s no loud music here, but rather Aja moaning, and North staying in control, while the camera moves left to right, and zooms in and out at times. The shadows from the lighting are horrible here, and the brown couch is funny to me. Midway through the sex, Bradley shows up, fully naked, and gets asked to join the party. Bradley is a large black man, and Aja gives him a hand job, then puts a diaper on him, no joke! No joke! Then she puts a pacifier in his mouth! Then Aja returns to North for doggy style. After some back and forth, North cums on her butt, as Bradley watches, and that’s the end. Nothing too crazy here, but Aja is quite the beauty, as this is the first time I’ve seen her work. The mid point diaper change was really odd though. North asks her out, then Bradley gets mad and asks him to get out of his house and not to ask his wife out! Wow.

Bradley then takes off his diaper, and asks Aja to suck him off. Aja sucks Bradley off, as he spouts one liners and jokes, including “I have some wonton soup!”, and it’s funny to see. He doesn’t get all hard, but he gets a medium amount before he gets into Aja for some sex on the brown couch. He doesn’t last that long, less than 5 minutes, for a quickie and that’s it. I was surprised by how long the scene lasted, which was horrendously slow. He cums on her breasts, and that’s it. We are moving away to the final two scenes, and it’s been around 48 minutes at this point.

The movie’s plot continues, and now we are taken to a brothel of sorts, and we see Tony Montana and Renee Morgan get involved. There’s some nice jazz in this one, and that supersedes everything else. Renee Morgan is a skinny, brunette, with small breasts, and is supposed to be latin here, as Montana speaks Spanish one liners, and gets really into the sex. I mean, she’s more into it than anyone else in this movie, and that makes it great. Renee Morgan sucks off Tony Montana then goes into doggy style while wearing a Spanish hat. The two have sex for a while, and it’s not terrible, but it’s also nothing that I would want too see again. In the mean time, Joey Silvera is talking to what I can only assume is Britt Morgan and then starts to make out with her. Meanwhile, Peter North keeps asking about his free trip that Silvera promised him, and the camera goes back and forth to the sex. After some back and forth here, Montana ends up cumming onto Renee’s pubic region, which is not shaved. That scene ends, and we are taken back to North’s apartment.

The story moves forward, and we see Britt Morgan and Peter North talking at a bus stop. The movie’s plot thickens as North hasn’t paid rent at all, and then is invited to hang out with Morgan. Britt Morgan has large hair, she’s all blonde, and comes out wearing a nighty that is lace, and white. She does not have the most attractive face, it’s round, and somewhat unattractive, with a “baby” type of look, but she has a nice body, and well, she rides North’s literal head. That is funny, and she does have natural breasts. The set here is a random porn warehouse, and North can’t help but laugh at the beginning of this scene. I’ve never seen a woman literally ride a dude’s head and comment on his hair. Hair fetish? Is that a thing?

Peter North sits down on a faded brown couch, and Britt Morgan gets to work. She starts to suck him off, and he gets hard immediately. I don’t find Morgan that attractive, mind you, but honestly, she has good technique here. She moans a bit as they change positions, but Peter North is in robot mode. The jazz soundtrack is great here, and I liked that. However, the sex isn’t that great, and eventually North cums on Morgan’s shaved pubic region, and stomach, and that’s that. If you’re into blondes, perhaps you’ll like her, but this is a short scene that is spliced with other elements of the story line.

The plot continues to move forward, and we see that North and his friend get evicted. Then North gets into fatigues, and gets thrown out of a window, onto a deck and that’s it. This movie has a plot at first, then completely throws it out of the window, and well, it’s porn, so what did you expect, right?

I give “Pillowman” a 3 out of 5.

This is not a great movie, but I loved the production value, the non sex roles, the random jokes, and the attention to some finer details here and there. The women are pretty, and there’s at least one good sex scene that I’d watch again, just to see the double cum blast from Silvera, which is god like if you ask me.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Crazed (1997) Review

Crazed (1997) Poster and DVD Cover
And we are back again, this time around going back to 1997. It was the era that I finally got to see my first full length porno, but of course, I was watching them through the lens of the Spice Network. Of course that meant that I didn’t get to see penetration, and therefore I had to wait a few years before I could get my hands on the real thing. This time around, we are going to look at a Wicked Pictures release from 1997, and it was directed by Jonathan Morgan. The stars of this movie include Shawna Edwards, Jonathan Morgan, Serenity, Mickey G, Mike Horner, Missy, Jacklyn Lick, Colt Steel, Michael J. Cox, Steve Hatcher, Spice, Donna Warner, and Johnni Black. This is a movie that has a high budget, and was given a lot of praise upon the release. It starts out very well too, and I was impressed with the style up front, including the credits which begin with the starring woman, Serenity. The movie we are discussing today, is none other than the 1997 release of, “Crazed”.

Let me start off by saying, that despite my long reviews, this and all of the other movies on this blog are porno. I sometimes forget that I’m reviewing pornography, not some high class stuff, but hey, it’s because some of these movies are entertaining beyond being materials to get off to, and that’s why I started this site, to review the entirety of porno as a medium, and because I got bored.

The movie begins with Jonathan Morgan as a doctor, walking into a room that is padded. He walks into a patient’s room, and asks what the patient is doing, and she is just rocking back and forth, touching herself. That’s when Morgan asks to help, and we get into the action. An interesting arranged soundtrack begins, and Morgan and Shawna Edwards begin the adult theme.

Shawna Edwards is a skinny, somewhat tanned, long haired, white girl. She is thin, and starts out with a blowjob on Morgan, as he remains fully clothed. This opening scene works very well and honestly, is one of the better blow job scenes I’ve reviewed in a long time. The set here is simple, it appears to be a warehouse, and a room that is within it. The lighting is good, although it’s mired by some shadows from the crew. Edwards has really nice eyes, and uses her mouth well enough. After some oral, Morgan takes off his close, and we get a transition to doggy style. We don’t see Morgan put on a condom, but he does, and it’s in full view when he enters Edwards from behind. She moans a little, and the camera keeps moving along, not staying static as Morgan works forward with doggy style. The two go at it for a few minutes, but it’s not a long scene. She moans slightly, and Morgan does well enough to not cum fast, but it’s a lackluster scene of robotic sex. The blowjob opening was ok, but it’s obvious that the two don’t have that much chemistry. While Morgan does fine here, Edwards is just going through the motions. She’s fully shaved, has small breasts, a small tattoo above her waistline, and just stays somewhat still as Morgan moves in and out, with condom in full view. At around the 9 minute mark, there’s an edit where we see Morgan cum on Shawna Edwards’ chest, and that’s it. He’s not a big guy, so it’s a normal penis, and it just kind of cums, and that’s it. Edwards smiles a little and the camera moves away, and we get some artistic shifting before Morgan gets his clothes back on and gets called away.

We are taken to a hallway where two doctors are talking. They discuss what is going on, and they just go through a good script. I admit, Morgan’s a great actor in these movies, and it’s interesting to see him work in various movies, including this one. He does well with the script, he pushes the limits of good acting in a porn, and it’s interesting to see how it all works. Morgan and the other doctor talk and they simply discuss Serenity and how she’s going crazy. In the room where Serenity is, she is writing all over the walls and it says, “no sleep”. She has, “no Sleep” written on her face, and she’s actually quite good in this role, with a doctor trying to discuss what is going on.

At some point, a dream sequence opens up and we see Serenity and Mickey G. In a bedroom. The two talk about marital problems, and how Serenity doesn’t want to have sex anymore. She complains that he is too rough, and that he just wants to get through the process, with making love on her mind. He gets mad, and says that he doesn’t have time to work through romance, he wants to have hardcore sex. We then get taken to Serenity and what I can only assume is Missy, just talking. Two girls talk about the marriage, and just say that something is wrong, and the two talk about marital problems and sexual problems. I looked it up, and the girl very well may be Jacklyn Lick. Lick gives Serenity some pills and says that she can get a good night sleep if she takes them, as well as gets good dreams in the process.

We then move to a dream sequence, and there is Serenity and Mickey G in a bedroom that looks a lot like Dracula’s castle, with dark lighting, candles, and eerie music playing. Serenity starts with a blow job on Mickey G, and she uses her hands, and mouth, and really works through the process quite nicely. Serenity has a girl next door look to her, medium sized breasts, dirty blonde hair, and small hands, with a look that you’d swear you know. To me, she looks like a college girl, and she is definitely seasoned by the time this movie was released. Mickey puts on a condom, there’s a transition, and we see the sex start. It’s not a great sex scene, it’s kind of robotic. Mickey’s condom is super white, like one of those thick ones, and it looks like it may be too small, but it works here, I guess. I don’t mind it. The sex is robotic, Serenity moans a little, but Mickey is not as passionate as I’ve seen him with other girls, and it may just be the two going through the motions. Serenity is quite flexible here, so in that regard, that’s interesting. They stay in one position for the whole thing, and after some time, Mickey cums on Serenity’s chest, and that’s it. The scene ends, and we get back to the padded cell where a doctor is talking to crazy Serenity.

After the padded cell, we see Serenity in a dungeon, and she’s dreaming again.

This time around, we see Missy and Serenity in bondage attire, and the two start lesbian sex. It’s not a bad scene, it’s just a bit tame at first. However, at the 41 minute mark, the two get into it completely, and they start a 69 of sorts, and just go to work with a nice looping theme, a good overall production value, and lighting that makes it a lot more erotic than it may be at the start. Missy is a tall blonde haired woman, with small breasts, and happens to be shaved. At some point a hand gets involved, yes, a fake hand, and then after some back and forth sexual elements, Serenity screams and says she’s having a nightmare, and that’s that.

After some time, we see another dream sequence, and this time it features a four way with Jacklyn Lick, Serenity, Colt Steel and Michael J. Cox. This all starts with blow jobs, with the two women blowing the men. Jacklyn Lick is a skinny brunette, and reminds me a little of India Summer, and the guys are young, while one guy is ripped, the other has a boyish look to them. It’s a simple starting point with just pure oral, and the two guys getting into the action fast, with the muscle guy not getting quite as hard at first, and Cox getting harder at first. The two end up getting into position for sex, with a condom on, and we get going into a four some that has an interesting soundtrack. The set here is a typical bedroom from the late 1990s, so nothing too special, and it just works well enough. The four take take turns with one another, and the sex is somewhat workable, with condoms on, and multiple positions. No one has that much chemistry here, but if I were to pick a best performer it would be Cox, who even gets a Condom on Blow Job at one point and that part at 54 minutes, is incredible. He almost breaks the condom he’s so hard at that point, and he gets the best of Serenity here. Steel is awful, although he tries, a bit. After multiple positions, and what appears to be double penetration at one point, but I can’t be sure cause it isn’t shown outright, the guys cum on Serenity, and the camera fades away.

The movie goes full blow scary movie with a doctor’s office, surgical sweet, and so much more going on. There’s a change in colors, there’s a change of music, and there’s a craziness to it all, before Serenity gets thrown into a room where there’s a large blow up mattress, and several people kissing. It shows Mickie G in a suit, and takes Serenity into a room to watch an orgy go down.

For this orgy, we see, Donna Warner, Johnni Black, Spice, Jonathan Morgan, Michael J. Cox, and Steve Hatcher. This segment doesn’t have any condoms, and the sex is basic, with a lot of people getting in the way of the penetration, and some change overs to see Serenity watching, and just slow moving camera shifts, with a techno beat on the backside of the sex. The women are non-descript generic blondes and brunettes, some shaved, some not all the way shaved, and the guys just go for it, including an anal spot at the 1 hour and 11 minute mark that the camera focuses in on. After some back and forth, multiple positions, and more, we see a few cum blasts and they go into the mouths of the women, and that’s about it.

After the sex, we are taken to a surgical wing, and a monster appears to attack Serenity, and she screams, and that’s it. Fade to credits, and that’s the end of the movie.

I give “Crazed” a 3 out of 5.

The movie had some potential, but aside from the robotic sex, there’s not much to it. However, the story is cool, and the attention to minor details, and Jonathan Morgan’s acting chops make this a 3 out of 5, easily. I just don’t think it’s that hot, excluding a few moments in the opening scene, and the final scene, which are interesting. As far as a porno is concerned, it’s one that is entertaining for what it is, but not going to please everyone.

You can buy “Crazed” by clicking HERE and supporting my ongoing endeavors to review all adult movies before I die.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

The Flintbones (1992) Review

The Flintbones (1992) VHS Cover
Today, we are going to venture into the 1990s. Decades after the premier of a children’s show, we get the porn parody of it, and it is a doozy. We need to get back to 1992, for a movie that was distributed by HIP Video, and was directed by Mad Dan Dan. This movie stars Trixie Tyler, Biff Malibu, Britt Morgan, Lorrin Mick, Sharon Kane, Devin, Wayne Summers, Ron Jeremy, and Tony Tedeschi. Aside from that, the movie is one that I recall seeing posters on the wall of an old video store I used to work at in Culver City. They didn’t change the posters often. So let’s now take a shot at a movie that is a parody of a children’s show, but is not meant for children at all, as this movie we are talking about is none other than, “The Flintbones” from 1992.

The movie opens up with a parody of the original song, and it shows off the cast and crew with clips from the talking segments. We see who is starring, and we see who is playing who, which you can totally imagine. If you aren’t sure who is who, then you’ll need to know that Sharon Kane is Wilma, Lorrin Mick is Betty, Tony Tedeschi is Barney, and Ron Jeremy is Fed. The set is not half bad, with the same rock style in the background, and overall set design. I am actually impressed with the set design and lighting of this movie. The costumes are all great here, and the actors and actresses look exactly as you’d think. I loved the attention to the details, and the costumes.

The comedy starts from the starting point, and it’s not half bad. The parody works on all levels for me, and it sticks to the slapstick that you expect. The story goes along and we see Lorrin Mick walk in on Sharon Kane using a vibrator. Then we get back to the guys, where Bam Bam and Pebbles are on a couch. Fred and Barney ask for the great Wazoo to show up and that is where Britt Morgan shows up and grants a wish for the boys, and they want the girls to let them have fun etc.

There’s a lot of story to open this up, and we see different backgrounds and changes as the director slides through different elements, showing off what is going to occur next, and we start with the sex. Opening up we have a three way lesbian scene with Lorrin Mick, Sharon Kane, and Britt Morgan. It’s like watching Wilma and Betty having sex, with the two women in wigs, and nice bodies, and Britt Morgan’s curly blonde hair showing up to offset the two other women. However, the director slides to the two main dudes walking around talking.

After another swipe, we get that classic bass line and and guitar work of parody porno music. The music is actually pretty cool, and we start with Bam Bam and Pebbles all grown up. Then another swipe. This is insane. The director spends about 10 minutes setting up the porno, with comedy acting, and interesting dialogue that goes right back to the source material.

We then go to two sex scenes, at around the 13 minute mark. What we get is Trixie Tyler and Biff Malibu having sex as grown up Pebbles and Bam Bam. We also see the three way lesbian scene between Britt Morgan, Lorrin Mick, and Sharon Kane. This is around the 13 minute mark, and it’s somewhat awful. The lighting is off, the makeup is terrible, and there seems to be a robotic element to the focus of the sex. I get it, it’s a parody, but the sex is so robotic that I was distracted by the lack of legitimate orgasms. At least that’s what Tyler and Malibu were offering. The three women were ok, however, and they created a cool sequence, but the most exciting may be the double penetration with a dildo that occurs at the 14 minute mark, but other than that, this is a throwaway parody scene that really doesn’t get the noddle going at all. The director keeps going back and forth between heterosexual sex and threeway lesbian sex, which leaves a lot to be desired as far as technical display is concerned. I didn’t like the switching, and never liked it in the 1980s, let alone in the 1990s. The best part of these two scenes sliding together is the music, so that’s something to take into consideration.

The next scene starts with Fred and Barney getting in trouble at work. They end up going forward with asking for a little help, an that’s when we see Britt Morgan show up again. Morgan has a lot of makeup, curly blonde hair, and is introduced to Devin. Devin’s making her debut here, and she’s a thin, blonde, with a passion for her work initially with Wayne Summers. There’s a blow job that is quite good between the two women and Summers, in which he immediately gets hard, and that’s something that saves the movie thus far. At around the 38 minute mark, we start to see the sex begin, and Summers immediately goes into Devin, without a condom. She’s shaved for the most part, and Summers is not. The sex here is adequate, with costumes, and what not, and the stellar set design for a porno. It’s creative, that’s for sure. Summers looks to be concentrating a great deal for this one, and really pushes into Devin at times, but she’s not that attractive. She spouts a few lines and this is just not sexy. Britt Morgan gets involved, and after some back and forth between Summers and the two women, there’s a cum blast into Britt Morgan’s mouth, and that’s the end of that. It’s a lackluster sex scene, with minimal passion, although Devin’s debut does have her showing off her young, pretty body, so that’s a plus for those that want to see her first scene.

Moving along, we are introduced to Betty and Barney talking with Fred, and he says that Betty is hot, and that makes her giggle. Then we get forward progress into making a threesome out of the scene. This is an interesting threeway, and well, it just works in a lot of ways. Now, these characters are played by Ron Jeremy, Tony Tedeschi, and Lorrin Mick. She looks like Betty from the show, but in real life obviously. Ron Jeremy, Tony Tedeschi, and Lorrin Mick start with oral across the board. As far as the sex is concerned, this is before Ron Jeremy got too fat, but you can tell that he’s not at full hardness, as he is holding onto the base of his penis really hard to control the blood flow. Think of it like a vice, or a cock ring, and well, it works, of course, but it’s obvious it’s not the same Ron from the past. Tony Tedeschi is a young one here, and he is hard, and it shows, getting head while Ron works doggy style. The two change positions, but the best part of this scene, really gets into another push forward at the 58 minute mark. That’s where we get a double penetration, that really seems to work well, as Tony Tedeschi puts on a showcase of power, and Ron does his best to hold on, while Lorrin Mick seems to enjoy the double momentum shift. The bass line in the music here is stellar, by the way, and really is good. The set is nice, it’s a bedrock bedroom, and well, Lorrin MIck really starts to moan here, so perhaps she’s feeling that pleasure zone as Tedeschi does a great deal of the work. The scene is quite long, and after some time, we see the finale, with both guys getting a cum shot, although it starts with Tedeschi getting a very deep, and slow passionate blow job. Mick’s deep throat skills are on display here for sure. Meanwhile, in the background, Ron Jeremy just looks on and tries to play with her a little, but he’s obviously not hard, and either didn’t last, or has already cum. Lorrin MIck doesn’t really like getting bummed on, and it shows. That really made for a lackluster finish.

For the final scene, we are taken to Fred and Wilma. Sharon Kane gets nude fast, and Ron Jeremy goes down on her. If you had the fantasy of seeing the two cartoons in real life, well here you go. It’s not the most sexy of scenes, but Ron Jeremy’s skill is second to none when it comes to cunnulingus. If you aren’t aware of how to do that, watch his technique and take notes, dude really makes Kane squeal with his tongue before he enters her. There’s only two positions for this one, and honestly, it’s not that sexy, with Jeremy’s penis looking like a summer sausage that’s been expired. There’s a queef in there, mind you, but other than that, this is just a slow moving sex scene, that ends with a blow job. The music is more compelling than anything else, and Jeremy keeps his clothing on for the whole scene. Jeremy finishes with a cum blast on Kane’s face, and that was that. She doesn’t swallow or suck after the fact, and well that’s that. The movie ends with Fred calling the great Wazoo, and that’s about it. We finish on a joke, and the movie is over.

I give “The Flintbones” a 2 out of 5

As far as parody porno is concerned, this fits the bill. It has the same kind of elements that you’d expect from a 1990s parody porno, but honestly, it’s not that good when it comes to the sex. I gave it a fair shake, but part of the whole purpose of porno is the fact that it should turn someone on, and well, this is not that good. Maybe in 1992 it could work, but overall, I found the lack of performance quality the big issue. Although there’s a few shining spots, just not enough to get more than a 2 rating.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Teen Manipulations (2013) Review

Teen Manipulations (2013) Poster and DVD Cover
I don’t really put a lot of focus on gonzo porno movies. I just don’t usually like them, but after some consideration, I’m going to break my focus yet again. This time around we are going to move back to 2013 to review a movie that stars Tony D, Alana James, Stella May, Tony De Sergio, Dakota Skye, Levi Cash, and Daisy Haze. This movie is distributed by Forbidden Fruits FIlms, and was directed by Levi Cash. It’s only 97 minutes long, and well, it is aimed at the teen genre. The movie is called, “Teen Manipulations” and it was released in 2013. Let’s take into consideration this movie, and whether or not it’s good.

We move forward with the movie, and we see Alana James alone, in a house. The house is nice, not a set, and we see Tony D show up to talk to her, and eventually convince her to have sex. Alana James is a thin, all natural, shaved, dark hair mixed young woman. Tony D has a distinctive tribal tattoo on his arm and shoulder, and is older, but not super old in comparison. He gets hard fast, and Alana James gets to work. The start is Alana James blowing Tony D with a great deal of gusto, and it’s not half bad. The sex starts, and it’s not that bad, with a focus on a nice set, well lit bedroom, with multiple positions. There’s no music, it’s just the sounds of sex, and Tony D lasts a bit long here. James looks young, moans a lot, and seems to enjoy the process of this film. After about 23 minutes or so, we end up with a cum shot from Tony D on Alana James’ stomach and that was that. The scene ends, and the sex is a bit sterile at times, with James not really into it towards the end, and well, Tony D sweating a lot, and talking to her. There’s a minimal amount of kissing, and she just doesn’t seem that thrilled by the end of it, and it’s just somewhat telling. I don’t know, there’s a vulnerability to it that just seems odd.

We move along to the next scene, and this time we see Stella May and Tony De Sergio talking at the front door of another house. This is not a set, it looks like a nice condo or townhome. Stella May and Tony discuss school and random things. Stella May looks about 19 to 20 years old here, has mid-lengths straight brown hair, and wears a pink top and green tight shorts. Just like the other scene, May is convinced to have sex. May is all natural, shaved, and looks like the girl next door. The two get nude, Stella May starts with a blow job with some strength, and it’s not half bad. As the scene progresses in a random bedroom with pink sheets, the lighting is good, there’s no music, and things ramp up swiftly. May and Tony go through a great deal of different positions here, and she seems to really enjoy the process. Tony and May have more chemistry than the first couple, and it shows, throughout the tensing of May’s abdominal area and the amount of moaning she does with Tony pushing hard.

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Another scene begins, and this time it’s director Levi Cash entering a living room with a brown couch. This seems like a set, not a house, it’s extremely well lit, but that’s a good thing. Cash keeps his polo on at first, and Dakota Skye starts to feel the pressure to have sex. She’s thin, blonde, very white, and all natural. Levi Cash isn’t that old, and he’s living a dream world, honestly, as he gets into this fast, and Skye seems to be enjoying it. Dakota Skye starts with a blow job, and Cash reciprocates with oral, then we get into the sex and it is fast, and to the point. This is a loud, casual sex scene on a brown couch, so it's not horrible, and if you like thin blondes, Skye is your dream girl in many ways.

The final scene on this release showcase Daisy Haze and Levi Cash. This is another simple setup. What seems like a home invasion turns into a sexual romp with Daisy Haze and Levi Cash. Daisy Haze is a girl next door looking young lady, she has small breasts, tan skin, and looks like a young Olivia Munn. If you’re a fan of Olivia Munn, she could easily be a sister. Cash shows up in a suit, and things start to move towards what we are here for overall. We start with Levi Cash giving Daisy Haze oral, and getting her to start moaning fast. The two move into a bedroom, and it’s somewhat sterile, and plain. The lighting is good though, and the progression of this features a little more chemistry than the rest of the movie. The sex goes through the normal positions that you’d expect, and it isn’t half bad. There’s no condoms, it just moves forward straight forward, and it’s not half bad. Cash is in work mode, and Haze moans and genuinely seems like she’s having fun at times, cumming, and allowing Cash to do his thing. He gets into director’s mode at times, and he gives a little more for his performance, going further here than in his previous scene. Including light choking, spanking, and being more aggressive with the sex. After a while, multiple positions, and cum b. Last on Haze’s stomach, we end our movie, and that’s that. Nothing too crazy here, and what seems like a lackluster kiss at the end. There’s something a bit odd with the ending, but maybe that’s just good acting? I don’t know.

The premise of the film works throughout, coercing the women to have sex with the men, and then their face of remorse after the fact. But overall, they seem to be having fun, but that’s the magic of porn, right? This is not a super sexy movie, but it works on a directorial, visual design, and porn level for modern options.

I give “Teen Manipulations” a 3 out of 5.

You can purchase “Teen Manipulations” by clicking here, and it is shot in HD, and it stars some young women from the porn world that may or may not be back in place. I’m not a big fan of gonzo, but this is a little more than that. It’s straight forward sex, and isn’t half bad. Click HERE and you can purchase this in HD, stream it, and even download it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Constant Craving (1993) Review

Constant Craving (1993) 
Sometimes I have to take breaks because of other things that I’m doing, so I took a slight break from reviewing porno, to work with other projects, but I’m back again. This time around, we are going all the way back to 1993. This time around we are reviewing a movie that was directed by Jim Enright, and distributed by Vidco Entertainment. The movie stars Sierra, Randy West, Melanie Moore, Tony Martino, Brittany O’Connell, Joey Silvera, Melanie Moore, and Rebecca Bardoux. The movie is called, “Constant Craving”, and it was shot on 35mm. It is a movie I don’t recall ever seeing in theaters or on the video store shelf, but hey, it’s a Caballero classic according to some. With that in mind let’s get into another x-rated classic, this time around only 86 minutes in length and starring some major names from the 1980s and early 1990s before the silicone explosion came into play, right? Or maybe not, it’s only 1993.

I liked the beginning graphics, it made it seem like a far more important movie than it really was. We start with the credits of course, and we see the outside of a random house. The music starts and it’s a 1980s type of song, similar to what you’d expect from a teenage movie, but of course, we aren’t dealing with teenagers, we are dealing with adult cinema, so the song fades and we get into the movie.

It’s two girls talking on a couch. The two women are discussing how it’s important not to smoke. One woman is a brunette and has a red dress on, and the other is a blonde with a pink dress on. The two have pumps, and they have long legs, small breasts, and are arguing about quitting smoking. The two run into the kitchen and one wants to eat. She says that she has constant cravings and then they argue about drinking next. The brunette says that she’s too embarrassed to say what she’s really craving, and of course, we know what it is, it’s sex. She’s craving sex! In comes Randy West and Tony Martino. Randy West is told to go hang out and protect Sierra from smoking, and the two start to talk. Sierra says that she’s craving something, and it’s sex, and she throws herself at West, and he is reluctant at first, but then gives in.

Sierra goes topless with her red dress, the director cuts to the kitchen where Tony Martino and Melanie Moore are talking. The two are just talking and furthering the story line at this point. Martino makes a move, and Moore resists at first, but she then obliges a little, with Martino going down on his knees to give Moore oral. The music comes through, and we get started.

Sierra and Randy West are completely naked now, and she starts with a blow job with some deal of passion. Sierra is a young woman here, she has small breasts, long legs, nice curves, long brown hair, and looks like the girl next door. Randy West is a veteran of porn in 1993, and he sure enjoys the young woman’s gusto. Sierra is partially shaved, and really gets into the sex during oral, where she moans and cuts overall. There’s no condom here, just straight forward sex with West going into Sierra straight away. The music gets louder than Sierra at one point, and it is a little distracting to her moaning. The room they are in has a terrible looking couch, some pictures on the wall, and it looks like a set to me, as it doesn’t stand out as a real home at all. The camera gets in close as the two go for it, and the scene isn’t that long at all before West cubs on Sierra’s butt, and that’s it. It’s not a long scene, but it’s adequate. Sierra’s moaning makes this scene worth it, as she’s really pretty.

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The movie switches to the kitchen. In the kitchen Tony Martino is still giving Melanie Moore oral. She’s starting to moan a little. Martino looks like an out of work 1980s pro wrestling star, complete with mullet. Melanie Moore is a tall, blonde haired woman with long legs, partially shaved pubic hair, and small breasts. Martino loses his clothes, and Moore’s dress come down while the two start to have sex on a butcher’s block. The two just have regular sex, just going through the motions, no kissing, nothing extreme, and just back and forth as you’d expect. The sex is a bit mechanical and Martino cuts on Melanie Moore, and that’s it.

We go back to the living room where Sierra and Randy West talk about quitting cigarettes with going with sex instead. There’s a bad Spike Lee joke during this movie, as Moore talks to a random lady. The two talk about how Sierra can fight her cravings. For the next 24 hours, Sierra and Moore have to figure out how to avoid giving into cravings.

We move to another dark brown couch, and a different set. Here we see Joey Silvera eating Brittany O’Connell’s butt, and then the heavy bass lines come into play. The start of this involved straight forward oral, and rimming, and the camera lets you in to see the two. This has a bit of chemistry that the other scenes didn’t have. The music sounds like it was produced and recorded by The Cure, and it’s the best part of this movie at this point. Brittany has long, curly brown hair, light skin, partially shaved pubic hair, and all natural. She has to be in her 30s in this movie, as she looks like a milf in a way, and she has small breasts. She has a lot of makeup here, and Silvera goes to work immediately with oral, as Brittany moans her way through the start of this scene. The sex doesn’t last long, as Silvera seems not to last too long with Brittany in this scene. He goes as much as he can, but he ends up cumming after Brittany gets off riding him and starts to blow him for the ending. Silvera is not that big, mind you, and lasts as long as he could, but cubs right into Brittany’s face, for the ending. The two have serious chemistry, so that was interesting to see here.

After the Silvera scene, we are taken back to the other house, and this time we see Melanie Moore and Sierra starting to makeout. They just go for it, taking off their clothes and starting to kiss, and get into lesbian sex. Sierra moans a lot here, very loudly, so that’s a plus, and this is just a scene with two women kissing and giving each other oral. Moore does most of the work here, at least at first, before Sierra gives her some oral fun, and the two just go back and forth with oral, so if you’re a fan of that, this is a good scene to watch and learn from.

We move forward into the next scene, and it has Randy West and Rebecca Bardoux hanging out on an outdoor chair. Bardoux is an older woman at this point, has 1980s style hair that is wild, and large, and is wearing a green bikini. She’s blonde, she’s got curves, and looks like she’s in hear late 1930s in this scene. She has small breasts, and Randy West wears a Los Angeles Raiders hat while the two start to get it on. Randy West starts with foreplay, pulling open the green bikini of Bardoux and starts to get into the sex right away. Randy West is usually ok at this, but in this scene, he’s mechanical, while Bardoux is moaning a little here and there, the two just going through mechanical sex. She smiles a bit at around the end of the scene, and asks for West to go harder, but West gets tired and ends up just humming on her face and that was that. I was shocked to see how awful this ender was, and well that was that. It’s not sexy, it’s formulaic, and this time around, the music sucks. Bardoux and West just don’t seem to have that much chemistry.

The end of of the movie features Sierra and Moore just talking and saying that they can get into any craving, if it involves sex, and that is the finish of the movie.

I give “Constant Craving” a 2 out of 5.

I’m not a big fan of the actors and scenes in this movie, However, that shouldn’t stop you from watching it. You can purchase and stream “Constant Craving” by clicking here.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Cop Sucker (1998) Review

Cop Sucker (1998) Dvd Cover
Today we are going to be venturing forward or backwards to 1998. That’s the year when I discovered cable television pornography, and if you were like me, you didn’t see penetration. They had the bumping and grinding, but cleverly edited out the literal penetration, so I swore back then that one day I would see the hardcore versions of these movies, and well here I am, reviewing another classic of sorts. This time around, we are going to be looking at the Joe D’Amato directed movie, “Cop Sucker” from 1998. It was released by Moonlight Entertainment, and it stars Maria de Sanchez, Kyle Stone, Christi Lake, Dave Hardman, Nick East, Mercedes, Sean Michaels, Gina Rome, Vince Vouyer, and Kimberly Jade. I’m a big fan of Christi Lake, and wish I could have met her, even now, just to interview her. But alas, here we are judging her performances because that’s what we do with this blog. So let’s take a break to 1998, and see what “Cop Sucker” has for us.

The starting line of this movie features Christi Lake sitting at a desk writing some notes. We then go to a scene where a woman is talking to a police officer. She’s dressed in his uniform, and there’s some soft music playing. It’s Kyle Stone, and Maria De Sanchez. Now, I’m a fan of Kyle Stone because he got to have sex with Stacy Valentine in the movie “Stupid Cupid”, and it’s one of my favorite scenes with Stacy Valentine.

Stone doesn’t want to have sex right away, he says he has to go to work, but Maria de Sanchez convinces him to stay for a minute to have some illicit fun. The movie shifts from safe, to sexy within 3 minutes. Maria de Sanchez is a latin woman that resembles Selma Hayek a bit, and she takes her clothes off completely, letting Stone start to give her oral. The starting point is oral from Stone to Sanchez, and away we go with the sex. Stone isn’t hard right away, he takes a little time, but Sanchez starts giving him a blow job and he starts to get up fast. I’ve never seen Sanchez before, but she is a perfect latina, with large breasts, long black hair, a thin waist, and gets into the role with relative ease. The two go into a bedroom that looks ok, a little bland overall. Nothing special here, and there’s no condom. The music sucks here, and it’s horrendous, smooth jazz. However, Stone gets hard, and starts to go back and forth with Sanchez, as she starts to moan. She reminds me a little of Katrina Jade, and the two have a little chemistry during this one. Even though Stone has a knee bandage, he goes through the motions of sex in multiple positions, and really gives Sanchez some attention. After about 15 minutes of sex, Stone can’t hang on and pulls out to let Sanchez get a facial, and the camera slows down a little, while she takes it on her face, and that’s the end. Not a great scene at all, and definitely killed by the music.

There’s a keyboard playing, and we see Christi Lake talking about an experience from the past. Lake looks like a former boss of mine, so she’s always been hot to me. She talks about a couple of cops that came to her house in uniform, and they are Dave Hardman and Nick East. They knock on her home’s door, and she’s waiting with a red dress on and red cowboy boots. Her hair is up. She’s a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, and if you’ve seen her before, you know that she is beautiful. I still wish I could meet her, just to interview her, but alas, I’ll digress. The two cops come inside the house and start to ask some questions.

After Lake doesn’t want to give up any questions, she asks them to give her a strip search. Christi Lake takes off her clothes, and the two cops start to unrobe. We start with Christi Lake giving Dave Hardman a blow job while Nick East gives her oral, and she starts to get into the motions. The music here is terrible. I hate it. Soft, bad jazz plays, and the trio start to work with the motions of sex. Hardman isn’t hard at first, so you see a soft penis get into the action, then you see East get hard and go in with Lake without a condom on, and just starts to go fast on the kitchen table. The music here is louder than the sounds of the sex, and I personally thought hit was distraction. Outside of that, Christi Lake has a beautiful face, and the sex is a little more inspired than the first scene. Don’t expect double penetration here because it doesn’t happen, it’s just a straight forward sexual romp. The trio have sex, one going in and one getting blown until the two end up giving her a facial and that’s that. Lake gets her hair pulled and a nice cum shot at around the 27 minute mark, and that’s it. Not her best scene at all, and well, the music really killed it for me.

We move along to a prison. We see Sean Michaels trying to interview Mercedes. He’s in a full suit and she is in a chair, with leather on. She tells Micheals that she is not going to tell him anything unless he gives her something. So the two agree to sex, as is the norm in these movies.

Mercedes is a tall, leggy, blonde haired woman, with a stunning look to her. Michaels is an African American actor that has been a mainstay in porn for some time. Upon closer look, you may find that Mercedes looks like Donna from the 70’s show, and well, we get to the action in a few moments.

The music turns up, and it’s another soft jazz tune from the 1990s. It’s not old school jazz mind you, and it’s way louder than the sex. Mercedes gets on her knees and blows Sean Michaels, then he gets her up and goes in from behind. The contrast of light skin and dark is wonderful, and fans of interracial sex will love this scene, which is quite good. The two keep their clothes on for the most part, and Michaels even smokes a cigar during the sex, which is filmed in an abandoned jail cell. After a while, the two take off their clothes, an there’s a mattress strategically placed on the floor. The director decided to slow the footage down, increase the sound of the piano, and let you in on Michaels going deep into Mercedes. I found it boring, and not needed, but if it extended the time of thrusting, maybe it was a good idea after all. At around the 42 minute mark, Michaels cups on Mercedes’ chest and throat, and you see that she has a tongue piercing. They slow down the footage so you see a slow motion cum blast, and honestly, it’s not that good at all. Mercedes is beautiful, but the sex here is robotic, with music that is horrendous, and a set that isn’t half bad.

We go back to Christi Lake at the police headquarters, and outside is Gina Rome in a nice sun dress. She is in high heels, and she says that her cat is lost, and needs help. Vince Vouyer comes in to help, and the two talk a little.

Gina Rome is a tall brunette with girl next door milf looks. Vouyer is a mainstay of 1990s porno, and we go inside to a random house where she takes down her dress and starts to blow Vince. Gina Rome starts with a full blow job of Vince Vouyer, and he is hard nearly immediately. Again, this movie is awful with the sound, a smooth jazz track is louder than the sex, and there’s a lot of transitions through this one. The director doesn’t really focus on Rome’s face, because her teeth are all jacked up, and honestly, that threw me off. The two have sex on the counter, and there’s a reflection of the boom mic and more. Vouyer does ok here, but Rome’s teeth and overall performance lacks in passion, and the director slows down the thrusting to compensate. Eventually Vince can’t hang on, and he masturbates to a finish into Rome’s face and tongue. She’s not very attractive, especially with those teeth, I can’t unsee that. Sorry.

We are back at the office and Christi Lake is talking to the camera, saying that she remembers another sex story. This time it features Nick east and Kimberly Jade.

We are taken to a bedroom set with ok lighting. There we see Kimberly Jade, nearly nude and Nick East in uniform. She has blonde curly hair, and dark roots, and wears a black garter belt with stockings. East takes his pants down and Jade immediately starts to blow him, but he’s not hat hard. You can see the boom mic reflection in the head rest of the bed, and the lighting here is dramatically bad. Kimberly Jade has some amazing eyes, and is quite pretty compared to the other girls in this movie thus far. She blows East for quite a while, finally getting him hard. The music is louder than the sex again, and it’s awful. The music is so distracting here, and the director again slows the sex down so that you see the penetration in and out in slow motion. I didn’t like that. The two seem to have ok chemistry together, but it honestly reminds me of an escort having sex with a client, kind of rushed, kind of forced, and really nothing that passionate. The two have adequate sex, but the music is harsh, and the keyboards are so loud I had to really think twice about giving this more than a few stars rating. I do find Jade pretty, though, so for that it almost got me to attention. At the one hour and 9 minute mark, East cubs on Jade’s pelvis and that’s the end of this scene. It’s done in slow motion, and again, it’s not that good.

We are at our final scene, and this time around we see Christi Lake and Maria de Sanchez under cover, and going to a back room with Vince Vouyer. The music again sucks here, and really throws me off. You hear the sounds of the trio underneath the loud keyboard sounds of smooth jazz. Within a few minutes, though, Sanchez starts to blow Vince, and we are off to the sexual races. Christi Lake joins them too, and there’s a dual blow job given here which is quite good for the final scene. Vince has sex with Sanchez the most. They go into a couple of positions, and the finish shows Christi Lake and Sanchez getting a facial from Vince and that’s it. The movie ends abruptly and the credits role. There is slow down with the sex, and there’s a lack of passion and moaning. The music is far too loud again, and it just doesn’t fit the scene. The best part is the finale, with a dual blow job on Vince and summing on both Sanchez and Lake’s face, which must’ve been fun overall. Other than that, this really has a lackluster finish to a lackluster movie.

I give “Cop Sucker” a 2 out of 5.

Christi Lake can’t save this one, and the rest of the sex is lackluster. The director really messed up a good thing, slowing down the motions, and putting the audio way louder for the music than anything else. It messes with your head and vibe, making this a terrible movie to watch. I didn’t like it, but maybe you will, if you find it out there.
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