Friday, January 19, 2018

Mile High Girls (1986) Review

Mile High Girls (1986) Poster and DVD Cover
Today on John G’s Dirty Movie Review we are going back to 1986 in order to review a movie with a lot of stars in it. The movie is called “Mile High Girls”. It’s a movie that caught my attention because I like the idea of the mile high club. I reviewed a movie about stewardesses and other things, and that was fine, but would this live up? I didn’t know at first, but hey, it’s my duty to watch and review these movies. “Mile High Girls” from 1986 stars Erica Boyer, Jon Martin, Porsche Lynn, John Leslie, Jim White, Viper, Tom Byron, and Joey Silvera. These are all major players in the 1980s porn world, and well, let’s see how they did it, no pun intended.

Now, I don’t know how porn sets are constructed to have such a cool look and feel. This movie starts with a real looking airplane interior. Now just any one, either, one from the 1980s. I flew in the 1980s, and 1990s, and can tell you that the interiors were way different. This was very much different, and it’s interesting to see it. Joey Silvera is seated in in an aisle seat and is brushing his teeth. He orders a drink and a stewardess drops a drink on him. He’s the best part of this movie, his acting is second to none, and it’s funny to see him interact with the women.

We move from the aisles to the cockpit. It’s here that a stewardess drops a cup of coffee on the pilot of the airplane! She freaks out and says that she can make it up to the pilot. That’s when she starts to open up the pilot’s shirt, and that’s when the two kiss, and you know what’s going to happen next. The plane goes into autopilot, and a smooth jazz sound comes in.

Erica Boyer and Jon Martin have sex in the cockpit of a commercial airliner, with a soothing jazz tune on the background. It’s interesting to see Erica, because I just saw her in a penis pumping instructional video, which was gross, and interesting all at the same time. For a 1980s porno, there’s certainly a lot of kissing. Erica Boyer is a blonde haired, medium breasted woman, and Jon Martin is your average stud. Not huge, just regular in size, if you ask me. I didn’t mention this before, but there’s film grain, and this movie was definitely meant for the silver screen, and it shows. Boyer goes to town on Martin’s penis, and he’s not shaved, giving every-man a sense that they could get in on the porno craze too. This is a sensual scene for the most part, and it’s interesting to watch Boyer work. She really seems to be into what she’s doing, while Jon Martin looks like he’s fighting not to cum as Boyer sucks and moves. She’s really sucking here, not just gliding, and this could very well be the best blow job start I’ve reviewed in on this blog thus far. After a quick blow, Boyer lays down a little and gets oral, she’s not shaved, and Martin gives it a little try, but moves to sex quickly. He bends Boyer over and the two start to work through doggy style. The directory gets you in close a bit, but it’s not nearly as much as you’d expect from modern porn. Meanwhile the co-pilot and the other stewardess is listening in in a hallway. There’s a bit of sex and it’s not bad, Boyer moans and Martin just goes through the motions. Eventually Martin finishes on Boyer’s lower back and butt, and that’s the end. He says, “Welcome to the Mile High Club”, and that’s the end of the first sex scene.

The movie continues and you see the plane arrive at an airport for a layover. Everyone empties out the plane, and that’s it for a moment. There’s some talk between the stewardesses. When everyone leaves except for the co-pilot and one of the stewardesses, the two engage in an bout of eroticism.

Porsche Lynn and Jon Leslie start making out, and they are fast moving straight into sex. This is a bit more fast paced than the first scene, and there’s a hard bop soundtrack to this. Meanwhile the camera follows Erica Boyer in the airport, which looks to be in Japan, and she’s just walking around. The director cuts back to the sex, and Jon Leslie asks for a blow job. At one point he commands, “don’t lick it, suck it”, which the director left in the movie, for another blooper. Leslie is not a big guy, mind you, and it shows. He does hold on before cumming, but it sure looks like he’s trying hard not to blow things as Lynn really works over his erection. Leslie has a lot of body hair, Lynn is a blonde haired, good looking woman, and reminds me of Ginger Lynn, of course. The two eventually get to the sex, and the director doesn’t show you a lot of penetration, just a little bit, before Leslie finally can’t hold on and cums in the face of Lynn. The best part of this scene is watching Porsche Lynn’s hair go from high and tight to loose and all over the place during the course of the sex. Other than that, this wasn’t that great, unless you like blow job finishes, in which case you’ll like how Leslie holds on just long enough to drop a load on Lynn’s face, which she seems to enjoy.

In between the sex scenes we get more dialogue from different people. We also see Erica Boyer taking photographs, and just exploring different areas. IT’s not bad, but it’s also not great either. It’s honestly just B-roll to fill the movie. Remember, this was meant to be in movie theaters, so you aren’t going to just get pure sex, you’re going to get a mix of things, and this definitely fills that void. So when you are going to see a movie in the theater, there’s sex, but there’s also b-roll and other elements to help break up the brown paper bags being used for personal reasons. In this case, Boyer seems to have almost her flight and runs into an old flame while catching a taxi.

A jazzy bass line begins in the backseat of a Taxi cab in what appears to be Hong Kong. Erica Boyer and Jim White starts to kiss, and well, that prompts the clothing to start coming off. Erica Boyer starts off with a blow job to Jim White. All while in the backseat of a taxi that’s headed to the airport in what I can only assume is Hong Kong. The driver doesn’t seem to care, as the two just go for it in the back seat. For what it’s worth, Jim White has a bigger penis than most of the other guys in this movie, and Boyer really seems to get into this scene more than the others. She eventually moves over and sits on White’s face as she blows him. This is one of the biggest taxi cab back seats ever! Eventually Boyer moves over to reverse cowgirl and the two have sex while the taxi is supposedly moving. This has to be a set. Either way, the two have some chemistry here, and it really does look good overall. Mind you, this is only 33 minutes into the film, and the two are really going to town. They seem to have a great deal of chemistry, and when White’s finished, he cums on Boyer’s pubic mound.

After this sequence, we end up back in the airplane, and two flight attendants are talking about how they are going to be flying to Macau. Then you get some more b-footage of the city and different areas. It’s interesting to see the signs from Macau, and well, one day I want to visit.

Up next the movie shifts to a club scene. It’s a live sex show in Macau. This features a lot of dancing at first, then comes through with an interesting focus.

The sex show features Buddy Love, Jason Jules, and Viper. I’ve wanted to review Viper’s movies because she’s a very tall woman with a very specific body tattoo that wasn’t seen in the 1980s porno world a lot. When I say she’s tall, I mean it, and this tattoo of a large snake is definitely something you have to see to believe. She works very well here, giving an incredible blow job, and then accepting hard cock. The sequence was said to have two guys and viper, but it starts with just one guy and one girl, then switches to another area of the movie.

The director floats to another scene, and this time it’s Porsche Lynn with big hair and a red dress. She gets on her knees and starts to work on Tom Byron. That’s right, another Tom Byron scene. Tom Byron and Porsche Lynn begin to eagerly undress and have sex in what appears to be a cheap motel. Lynn’s hair is out of control here, and Tom Byron has his signature moustache. He looks so young here, and it’s interesting see how his career kept going forward. Lucky man indeed. I’d love to interview the guy. Byron here has a bit of a sensual run with Lynn, and she gets very excited to work with him. Byron gets into the action while on top, and the two remain kissing through much of the strokes, which is kind of neat. The two are not shaved, so you get full close up of the action, and it’s quite nice to see. Tom Byron is an allstar in this scene, but it abruptly changes.

The director decides to go back to the live sex show. That’s where the third man comes in, and it’s a guy that was in the audience. He has leather pants on, and immediately takes them off and gives Viper something to suck on. The sex show turns into a threeway, and the dudes all work together to give Viper a good time. There are multiple positions here, and lots of back and forth, with a money shot on Viper’s snake tattoo, and then right in her face, before the director cuts to the Tom Byron scene.

Tom Byron at this point is in doggy style with Porsche Lynn. He really gets to work here and it’s interesting to hear her moan while Byron goes to town. Lynn really gets excited here, and is wet, while Byron’s youth takes over, and showcases why he’s one of the premier porn stars from the 1980s. This is a sweaty, casual sex scene that enhances the pleasure of both the viewer and the two getting it on. The cheap motel vibe aside, the music is good, Lynn’s red lingerie is nice to see, and the two seem to actually be enjoying the process of making this, with a lot of positions, and moaning. Eventually this one ends with Lynn blowing Tom Byron getting a blow job then a hand job, but no money shot. Not sure why they decided on that.

The movie goes forward to the airplane. The flight attendants talk while Joey Silvera keeps bugging them.

The camera then shows you some more B-footage. Eventually showing you a scene where Erica Boyer and Porsche Lynn seem to be in an apartment together. This is a classic 1980s set, with too many plants for some reason, and tacky interior design. The two women go into a shower and start to make out, and play with one another in a somewhat awkward and somewhat forced lesbian scene. Sure it works, but it’s lackluster compared to the rest of the movie. It is almost like a softcore porno movie, if you ask me, with a few notes of hardcore here and there. Nothing great, nothing terrible, just two blondes taking a shower and enjoying the process.

Joey Silvera goes into the apartment or room, and notices that his room has some women in it. The women stumble upon him and they decide to help him out a little. This turns into a three some. Joey Silvera, Erica Boyer and Porsche Lynn have a threesome in what appears to be a terrible apartment, or wait, a hotel room. This is not a terrible scene, it’s not a great one either. SIlvera has been in other movies that he shines in, but here he kind of just goes through the motions. The women seem to be fine with him, and they do perform ok, but it’s obvious that there’s that “it” factor missing in this sequence. Silvera gets enough action with both women, but it’s short lived as the movie ends with Silvera cumming on the two, and then just finishing up. That’s the movie, and it’s not a long one. This movie is only one hour and sixteen minutes long, mind you, so this scene kind of just ends with the flight attendants talking about how great it is to be working for an airline.

I give “Mile High Girls” a 3 out of 5.

I didn’t really like the short scenes, and the chemistry lacked throughout. The Tom Byron scene, and the opening sequences was fun. If you are a fan of Viper, and any of the other actors in this movie, then why not pick it up? It’s more than adequate, but it’s not something that you may want to see over and over again. I did like a few things, and I noted them. It’s a good movie, just not a great one.

You can purchase and stream “Mile High Girls” by clicking here. Check out Viper’s scene, and Tom Byron’s scene if you only purchase scenes from the link.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Betrayed (1996) Review

Betrayed (1996) DVD Cover 
I’ve talked about the Spice Network before. If you don’t remember the Spice Network for cable television or later the Hot Network, you don’t really know how terrible cable pornography was. You see, back then, whenever you would order a 4 hour to 8 hour block of Spice Network, they would play several movies within a block of time. You could get 2 or 3 movies, sometimes 4, and it was all random and for only about 5 bucks or 8 bucks depending on your provider. I bring that up again because I first was exposed to Jenna Jameson through The Spice Network. Not only that, when you see the footage from those times, there is no penetration, and no erect penises. They are always blocked off, and you only see the bumping and grinding. Well, it’s 2018 and I have an official XXX release of “Betrayed” which stars Jenna Jameson, from 1996, and I can finally see it without the censorship that cable television in the 1990s had. So this is an exciting start to today’s review which features high production value, stars Randy West, Ruby, Sindee Cox, Vince Vouyer, Steve Drake, and Jenna Jameson.

The first thing that you’re going to notice about this movie is that it has some great overall music. The musical score is tremendous, and I was absolutely floored by the tension that was created throughout the opening. The start of the movie features a roaming camera inside a bar, with stellar editing from Greg Steel. The art director is Rod Hopkins, and the director of the movie is none other than, Greg Steel. This is a higher budget porno and it shows at times.

The movie starts with Vince Vouyer and some random dude talking. They are in an alley and one has a Frys Electronics shirt on, which is funny to me. From this point we cut to the inside of a warehouse, and there are two people having sex.

Juliette Carelton and James Bonn are in the process of foreplay, with a techno beat that starts. Juliette Carelton is a new woman to me, a tanned medium breasted young looking woman, and Bonn is a standard stud. Carelton has a smooth body, and gets really wet for what Bonn gives her first of all. The warehouse scenery isn’t half bad, but I can’t get over the techno soundtrack. It’s a nice mix of loops, as you see Carelton give an impassioned blow job to a smaller sized Bonn. The sex begins, and thet wo go at it with Carelton moaning quite a bit. She’s not shaved, so if you like all natural, you’ll like her. No condoms here, just several positions and the two going through the motions of traditional sex. The techno beat is impressive, and the two moan together as they share some chemistry at around the 7 minute mark. Within a few moments from doggy style, James Bonn loses his erection and then tries to regain it for a cum shot, and it’s funny to see Carelton try to bring him back. There’s no real money shot, just a hard edit, and that’s the end.

Vince Vouyer knocks on a door, and it’s James Bonn’s warehouse, and the two start to talk. It’s Bonn’s long lost brother. The two go back to meet a guy that looks very menacing. He looks like The Kingpin of some crime syndicate and says that he will give Jimmy and his brother a chance to prove himself with a job.
After the trio talk, we are taken to a bar. There’s Randy West making out with some beautiful women.

Nadia Moore, Tatiana, and Randy West are making out in a bar, and the two brunettes are all over him. They are tanned, skinny, and they passionately take West into the erotic zone. Mind you, this is only 13 minutes into the movie, and there’s already two sex scenes, so this is not a plot heavy movie, as much as it uses sex as transitions to further the story along. There’s a bad rock soundtrack in the background, and I couldn’t help but laugh at it. Lots of bad percussion, and guitar riffing. West seems to be stuck to a chair while the women continues to grope, kiss, and let him suck. The camera angles are pretty bad here, and there’s a lot of blocking for what most likely was the Cable Television cut. You can’t see one girl blowing west as there’s a cup in the way, a chair strategically placed, and more. IT’s funny to see this, until the director zooms into the action for a spell. Randy West does his normal moves, sweating at one point tremendously, but still keeping it hard, going with straight sex until there’s a point where he slips it in one of the women’s ass. Then there is some anal sex going on, and it’s not half bad, but it certainly doesn’t have the chemistry that you’d want from a more sensual movie. It’s good, I’m not sure which actress gets anal, but she has black nail polish, and really does well here with Randy West. After a lot of anal, West eventually gets a dual hand job from the women, and eventually he cums but doesn’t shoot out, so one of them blows him while stroking and he yells out “DAMNIT”, probably because he doesn’t shoot a load. The best part is afterward they keep playing with him, which is a great overall element and sexual thing that I like, so good for him.

The brothers show up, and they ask what Randy West was doing, and he says he was interviewing a couple of waitresses. In comes a blonde haired woman with leopard print, and she’s fairly attractive. Nothing really to report here, just bad acting, and terrible camera work. Jimmy and his brother talk to her, and Randy West talks about how he they have a job to do, and then they leave.

The director immediately sends us to another sex scene.

There’s techno music playing, and a familiar woman shows up. It’s Ruby, whom I saw work with Julian, and enjoyed. The techno is ridiculous mind you. Ruby has long red hair here, and she’s having sex with Steve Drake. Steve Drake is a famous porno actor and I’ve reviewed several films that he’s been in on this blog. Ruby looks older here, a bit “weathered” if you will, and lacks that intimacy that she once had. She’s not fully shaved, and she’s jaded in this scene at some points. The music really is distracting. The set is a random bedroom scene, nothing special. And the lighting works well here. If you’re a big fan of Steve Drake and you’re a fan of Ruby, this scene may speak to you, but honestly, it’s forced, and the two lack a certain chemistry. Ruby’s teeth also distract me a bit. Eventually Ruby stops receiving oral from Drake to get on top and starts giving him a blow job. This is the most passionate of the scene, and you can tell that Drake is in work mode, not really enjoying the process. Sure, he’s a pro, and Ruby is also a pro, but these two do not have that raging chemistry that you may expect. Then again, maybe you don’t expect anything, and you want to just see pure sex. If that’s the case, this works, and Drake doesn’t use a condom to have sex with Ruby, who has an amazing body, and is definitely hot, and gets wet around the 35 minute mark. The more you watch, the more you get into the scene as she eventually starts screaming, and it’s quite odd. I was starting to wonder if she was really screaming, or it was part of the techno music, because it was very odd to me. Maybe it was all her, I don’t know. Drake does a good job of keeping it in doggy style and getting Ruby to moan a lot. I can certainly appreciate the moaning and screaming of Ruby, and the two seem to finally connect towards the end of the scene, with Drake cumming on Ruby’s pubic hair. She screams into orgasm as Drake pulls out and lets it all spill.

Moving forward, in comes the brothers with a gun to Drake’s head. They said that they want their money, and that they’ll give the dude 24 hours. Meanwhile, Jenna Jameson picks up the phone and tells the kingpin that the dudes didn’t kill Drake. He gets mad, and tells her to do the job.

Meanwhile, Vince Vouyer goes to the back of Randy West’s bar, and there’s Sindee Coxx. The two start to make out after arguing a little.

Sindee Coxx and Vince Vouyer start to make out, and then have sex. Sindee Coxx is a tall, blonde haired woman, and she’s one of the starts that I remember most. She doesn’t have huge breasts, but she has a beautiful face, and a classic “California” look. The two start to really get into making out, while a soundtrack plays of yet another techno song. The electronic music in this movie is better than most of the sex that I’ve seen thus far. Coxx moves fast, removing Vouyer’s clothing, in a dark basement, and starts to blow him. You see her eye’s, which are beautiful, before the camera shows you exactly what she is doing with Vouyer’s penis. There’s a lot of attention paid to the eyes of Coxx and not necessarily to the extreme action at times. I like her eyes so much, and she doesn’t take her clothes off right away, making this scene a stand out for the movie. Coxx has long black boots on, and the two have sex on a brown couch. They go through multiple scenes, Coxx moans, the two sweat, and you can tell that they actually have some sort of chemistry together. The director doesn’t make this sterile. There’s no wiping the sweat, there’s just pure eroticism, making this the best scene in the movie by far. Coxx isn’t fully shaved, Vouyer stays hard throughout, and her moans go alongside with the movements. Eventually Coxx wants Vouyer to cum on her, and he obliges by finishing on her chest. Despite the techno that was drilling my cerebellum, this is one hell of a sex scene, that features a great deal of work from both, and it’s not half bad. It’s the best scene in the movie, no doubt, and Sindee Coxx delivers alongside Vince Vouyer. The music though, geez.

Moving forward, the Kingpin yells at one of his cronies. He yells at him, and then he leaves. The Kingpin is on the phone again, only after Jenna kills a dude with a knife for being a cop. Then we go to another part of a warehouse, and it’s the Kingpin. He shows up and says, “we gotta go”.

The final sex scene once again features terrible techno music. However, this time around it has Jenna Jameson and Sindee Coxx having lesbian sex. The two women are really into each other because every position they put themselves in, they moan, and the director catches sweat, cum, and more. These two get so wet, the liquid glistens in the lights of the camera. Done in a red orange hue, the two women really go all out with tongues, fingers, and the likes. I’m not sure if they are really into one another, or they just had a great moment, but the scene is all lesbian sex with two hot blondes. It’s a knockout scene for fans of Jenna Jameson and Sindee Coxx.

After they have sex, in comes Vince with a gun, and Sindee confronts him. She asks where her brother is, and has to be told that he has been killed. The worst acting ever occurs, here, and the plot continues to thicken. Turns out that Vince is a cop. The Kingpin wants everyone dead. Vince shows up at Randy West’s bar and starts shooting up the place, and that’s how the movie ends. He gets his revenge, or something, I don’t know.

I give “Betrayed” a 3 out of 5.

I can’t give this movie any more of a rating because it only has a few good scenes. No, I take it back, it only has one great scene, and the rest is quite bad. If you’re a collector and wants to have all of Jenna Jameson’s scenes, then you should buy “Betrayed”. However, if you don’t, then you’ll only really love the Ruby scene, or the Sindee Coxx scene. Other than that, this movie is plagued by annoying music, and lackluster acting, and performance sex from the rest of the cast. It’s a solid 3 if you ask me, and of course, you didn’t.

You can purchase “Betrayed” from 1996, starring Jenna Jameson by clicking here. It’s worth it for collectors, and fans of the cast, so go get it. 15 minutes free streaming too, why not indulge a little?

Monday, January 15, 2018

Babewatch 8 (1998) Review

Babewatch 8 (1999) DVD Cover
In the past of this blog, we have reviewed the series “Babewatch”, simply because I was able to get copies of it. Today, we are going back to the series, this time with “Babewatch 8” which came out in 1998. This was directed by Buck Adams, and was also known as “Babewatch: Hardcore Beach”. The movie had gone through 8 freaking sequels before getting here, and well, let’s just say that the quality was going down fast. I guess you can’t really say much about that, since this is porno after all. I do recall seeing many of these films on the Spice Network, but I don’t remember if this particular one was there. The movie stars Raquel Devine, Alec Metro, Allysin Chaynes, Mark Vega, Ursula Moore, Barett Moore, Alexandra Nice, Shay Sweet, John Strong and a few others. Most of these men and women, I don’t know, with the exception of Barett Moore and Alec Metro. Moore would be in XPW Wrestling as Veronica Caine, mind you.

The movie begins simple enough, two lifeguards are at sea. They are on a boat, and they are just sailing. The two start by eating a giant submarine sandwich. I kid you not! The two are eating a giant sub ,and they are just at sea, drifting. Then out of the blue Raquel Devine goes up to Alec Metro and says, “I’m so horny after eating that sandwhich”, and in comes the music that sounds a lot like the “Baywatch” music from the hit television show. Devine goes to her knees and here we go, it’s only 3 minutes into the movie and we are getting a sex scene.

Raquel Devine and Alec Metro start having sex on a boat, in the middle of the ocean. There’s no one around, and you hear the loud pop sounds of the synth music. Everything is electronic. You also hear Devine’s moans as she sucks Metro, and I’m wondering if they weren’t dubbed in. I don’t know. Metro gets really hard fast, and Devine seems to genuinely have chemistry with him, as she doesn’t even notice the camera on her, she just goes forward with the process. After the two exchange a great deal of oral, Devine pulls her bathing suit bottom to the side and rides Metro. This scene has her screaming, and hanging onto a rope, while the two are adrift at sea. No condoms here, just straight into the action, with Devine screaming at one point, making this one hell of a scene if you ask me. Of all the movies I’ve reviewed up to this point, I can truly say that Raquel Devine’s the loudest and most energetic that I’ve seen in a long time. She screams with passion, and if it’s overacted, I don’t care, I love the sound, and will come back to see this scene just to see her scream in pleasure. This is a great opening to the eight part of this series. Metro for the most part does well in holding on to Devine’s bouncing body. She’s a big breasted dirty blonde haired woman, and just seems to really get into this more than others I’ve seen. Devine isn’t all the way shaved, and she just takes Metro to the limit in this sex scene that is overly dramatic, and just fun to watch if you’re into blondes and yelling. Devine wins here. After a couple of positions Metro eventually cums in Raquel Devine’s face, and that’s the end of the scene. The two have obvious chemistry, and really go hard in this scene, which is actually one of the better outdoor scenes that I’ve seen since starting reviews on this blog.

After the two have sex, Devine is scared, and wonders if they are lost, and the two run to get the big sandwich, and that’s the end of the scene.

Next up we see a random guy and girl on the beach, they are just walking around. Mark Vega says that there’s 4 hours before they have to report back to the lifeguard station. Allysin Chaynes says that Mark has 1 hour to make her cum, and that’s when the surf music starts and we are into our next scene.

The acting here is hilariously bad, the lighting is terrible, and of course they are outdoors, so why did I even mention lighting? Mark Vega and Chaynes don’t have chemstiry together, it’s by the numbers sex, and it’s done on a rocky part of the beach. Chaynes is a blonde haired California girl, and Vega is a not bad looking average surfer dude. He doesn’t have a huge penis, if you were wondering. Chaynes and Vega have sex, but it’s boring folks. After that first scene, the best thing about this second scene is the fact that there’s a surf rock tune that plays throughout it. The two get down to action, and honestly, it’s boring. There’s not much to the sex. Doggy style, hair pulling, and a little bit of moaning. No condom again, and Chaynes is partially shaved. This may very well get an award for most boring sex scene as I was definitely not getting very excited by the scene whatsoever. The sex looks uncomfortable, the performers don’t have much chemistry, and it just seems like a mechanical romp on some rocks. The surf music is good, so if you want to hear some good overall surf tunes, this is the scene for you. Don’t stay for the sex, stay for the surf rock. Vega seems to almost go soft at one point and for the money shot cums in Chaynes’ face, but it’s lackluster, and you could tell she wasn’t into it, as much as Vega was just trying to go through the motions.

The next scene is all of the lifeguards on a beach. They are all just talking, and looking cool. If you were looking for a breather in the middle of a porno, here you go. You get a full breather, because the following scene is just guys and gals walking on the beach, while a dude is on a jet ski, and that’s it. There’s nothing sexy about it, just random walking on a beach. I’m in the Midwest and it’s snowing, so I just miss the ocean and the beach. Out of the blue, the jet ski guy falls off and looks like he’s in need of help, so the lifeguards rush out and save him. I kid you not, there is a rescue in the midst of this porno. I wanted to slam my head into my desk, but then again, I remembered, that’s part of the story, which is a good thing, right? Awesome! A story with my porn.

That scene ends and we are taken to a gym where Buck Adams is working out. Out comes Zoe and Ursula Moore and Zoe. Zoe is a tall blonde, and Ursula is a tall brunette. Buck Adams looks like he is out of the 1970s, and well, is an older type of guy.

The trio talk, then get to the sex. This is a bit more passionate because the music is more of a piano jazz song than surfer rock. Ursula, Zoe and Buck Adams go through the motions of a threesome. Adams, for being an older guy, gets rock hard and lets the women blow him simultaneously. There is a condom in this scene. Adams has sex with both women, while on a workout bench. Meanwhile one of the women stays on his face, he lets another bounce on him. It’s a sweaty, sexy, sensual scene, and it makes up for the second scene that had no major chemistry. While this doesn’t have a lot of chemistry to start, it certainly gains momentum over time. The scene ends with Buck Adams cumming on the two women’s faces, and that’s it. It’s not a big load, and it looked like the scene was edited to have Adams come back to the scene because he either came too early or there was a split in the production. Whatever the case is, you get a full finish, and that’s it. This is not a long scene, but it’s sensual, and it fits the whole focus of the film, and well it’s good for what it is.

After the scene ends, we are back on the beach. The main focus here is on training, and it’s boring. The scene then moves to a party scene, and it’s the lifeguards just hanging out by a pool and dancing a bit.

Sensual music plays and it’s Barett Moore and Arnold’s turn to heat things up. Moore gets really wet at one point, and has truly sensual moans as Arnold goes through the motions of foreplay, and pleasuring with fingers and tongue. Moore is responsive, and this scene gets a little bit of charm with the realism that the two share, as this is filled with real sexual chemistry. The music is soft, sensual, and this scene almost feels like a guide for married couples, than a porno. The two share this raw sensuality together, and it’s quite fascinating to see. Moore is known as Veronica Caine, as well, so if you’re looking to see her in action, here she is, in a very interesting, erotic scene that looks like a couple going through the motions of a good sex routine. A condom comes on, and Arnold goes through the motions of sex, giving Moore all he’s got, and it’s not a bad scene. It’s safe, it’s sexy, it’s what you’d expect from a decent porno. The music is sensual, the sounds are real, and you can definitely catch yourself losing yourself in the scene a little. The money shot comes with Arnold cumming on Moore’s chest, and that’s it.

There’s an odd edit in this movie, where the director cuts from Barett Moore and Arnold, and takes you to see Alexandra Nice and John Strong having sex in another part of the backyard. The sun is rising and the two are having sex, and it’s here that you get another money shot, and it’s John Strong on Alexandra Nice’s chest for the finish. It’s random, but the director must’ve wanted to squeeze in both scenes into one, and it doesn’t really work.

Up next we see Shay Sweet walking around, then coming to a random apartment. It’s a blonde haired woman in an apartment with a lot of mirrors. It’s here that Tony Martino and Shay Sweet have sex. Shay is a thin, tanned, platinum blonde and with Tony goes through the motions of sex. It’s not the most erotic of scenes, but the sensual music plays on as the two have sex. It’s a standard sex scene, and honestly, it just lacks chemistry throughout. There is a point where Sweet does in fact have a real orgasm, and that’s interesting to see as you can tell she gyrates and contracts on Martino’s motions. Other than that, this is a mechanical scene that is just pornographic in nature. It’s ok at best. If you’re really into skinny, small breasted blondes, then maybe this scene will do a lot for you. The moans towards the end just seemed forced, and when Tony is ready to finish he yells out, “quick quick quick”, and then cums on Sweet’s face, and that’s it. The best part of the scene is the cum shot where Sweet then blows Martino after the fact, which is always a sexy move if you ask me.

We move forward to a scene where Raquel Devine and Dave Hardman are just walking around. Then out of the blue a blanket comes down and the two get into the motions of sex. Devine here isn’t as into it as she was in the first scene, but it works. There’s an alternative, grunge rock tune to the action, while the two start to go at it. There’s no condoms here again, and Hardman looks very familiar. Devine is loud again, but honestly, isn’t as good as the first opening of this movie. While this is a functional sex scene, and Devine gets really wet at one point, it just lacks that same gusto that the opening sequence had. Devine, for her work, is loud, and really gets into the work, which is nice, but Hardman lacks the Metro touch, and that’s ok, but it’s different. After going through some positions on the beach, Hardman can’t hang any longer and he eventually cums. He cums in Devine’s mouth as she sucks him off, and that’s it, she even looks to almost swallow at one point, but doesn’t. That’s the end of the movie, and the end of the scene.

I give “Babewatch 8” a 3 out of 5.

After the first scene, this movie goes downhill fast. Devine is the star of this movie, and her opening scene with Alec Metro, which was great. I loved that opener, but honestly, I wouldn’t put too much stock in this movie unless you’re a collector. If you want all of the “Babewatch” movies, then this is a must own, but other than that, it’s a far cry from the first one which I reviewed on this website.

You can purchase “Babewatch 8” by clicking here, and enjoy that opening scene. Get 15 minutes of FREE VOD here as well. 

Friday, January 12, 2018

The Shark (1999) Review

The Shark (1999) DVD Cover
The smooth jazz opening from Wicked greeted me for a trip back to 1999. The movie in question today is, “The Shark”, and it stars Nina Hartley, Serenity, Evan stone, Alex Sanders, Mickey G, Bridgette Kerkove and many others. I was surprised by the high quality introduction, with some good music for a change. The videography is done by Jake Jacobs, editing by Donald O’Brien, written by Patti Rhodes, and directed by F.J. Lincoln. This is a higher budget film than I’m used to reviewing, and it’s kind of an exciting thing to get a higher budget 1990s movie. I call it a movie because the music is done well, the film grain is there, and it is definitely more than just a random gonzo porno, which I’m all about. There’s a story, and it opens with a poker scene, and some interesting music. An underground poker game starts, and we see our stars playing, nothing crazy, right? Nope.

“The Shark” starts with a bunch of guys playing poker, and two women looking at one another. This is Nina Hartley and Serenity. They look at one another and they leave the poker table. They exchange a few words in the bathroom, and Nina gets on her knees and starts to give Serenity oral. I can say this much about Nina Hartley, she’s amazing, and she knows what’s she is doing, because she really gives it to Serenity, in what seems to be a natural sequence of lesbian sex. Serenity is an up and comer, while Hartley is a legend. The two are blonde haired, fit women, and here you see a lot of oral and the use of a toy, with Serenity orgasming for real, and Nina Hartley looking amazing. I would love to meet her one day, I bet she has some stories to tell. This isn’t a long scene. The music is funny, as it sounds like big band Las Vegas style. The two go back and forth giving each other kisses and oral, and eventually finish, and that’s that. This is a hot scene if you like lesbian sex, and if you love the actresses, then you’re going to enjoy this somewhat short scene.

When the sex is done, we get back to a poker game, and it’s not that great. It’s just a random game, and everyone is winning and losing. The story goes, that Mickey G is running out of money. Mickey leaves the game, and then goes home. He is wishing he could get more money, but instead just paces as Serenity sits in a weird looking chair. Mickey G then wants to play Serenity in a game of poker. She goes to sleep, and the next scene features Serenity showing up to the poker house and winning big.

The sun comes up, and we are back at the house where Mickey G. is just playing solitaire and trying to just relax. In comes Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige. The two women give Mickey G. one hell of a ride. We then get a full sexual romp with Mickey G. Bridgette Kerkove and Ginger Paige, and it’s not half bad. One blonde and one burnette, and we get an interesting focused sex scene with some synth rock. Mickey G. seems to have a hadr time getting hard at first, going soft with the initial blow job, and it’s kind of odd. The director wisely shifts gears, and you are directly placed into the sex, where Mickey finally is hard and going through doggy with one of the women. Mickey wears a condom and enters one of the women, the music shifts to a techno beat, and this becomes a standard sex scene. It’s not as passionate as the other stuff I’ve seen Mickey in, but it works for this scenario. There’s not much chemistry between the actors, and it’s a bit telling. There is an anal sequence, and at that point things get a little louder. If you’re a fan of anal, then you’ll like how this sequence ends, as Mickey gets his rhythm and really does well towards the end of the scene, eventually cumming and rubbing his member on the blonde, but not putting himself back in, making it an ok scene.

UP next we see Serenity winning a big load at the poker table. She complains that she wants to get into bigger action. She then walks towards another table and sits down. She wants higher stakes. And she starts to jump into a table that is higher ranked.

Moving along, Serenity goes back to the house. Evan stone and Nina Hartley introduce themselves to Serenity, but after some time, you end up going to the bedroom. In the bedroom Nina Hartley and Evan Stone start making out. This leads to Nina taking off her lingerie, keeping her heels on and blowing Stone. Evan Stone really gets hard here, and Hartley is one of the classic porno stars that looks amazing for her age. If you’re a fan of hers, you’ll love her work here as Stone can barely keep without cumming at various stages. The foreplay isn’t long as Evan Stone drives himself into Nina in missionary position and then some. He has a condom on, but you don’t see him put it on. She gets really wet and moans a great deal, as Stone throws down his classic moves. It’s a straightforward hard sex scene, with Stone cumming on Hartley’s back and butt, and that’s that. Not a great scene, but it did start hot. He slaps his penis on Nina’s but and causes her to scream, and than that’s that.

We move along to Mickey G. waiting outside of a lounge begging for another shot at the deeper table. Alex Sanders says that he can’t let her borrow the money, except, maybe sex. So the two engage some sex, and that’s the next scene.

Serenity and Alex Sanders start to make out in the lounge, and that leads to sex. It starts with Serenity giving Sanders a blow job, and getting really into it, then Sanders fingering her. The two have a bit of chemistry together, which makes this scene stand out amidst the others. You also get romantic music to score the scene. It feels more like a Hollywood production than a porno, which is always a good thing when it comes to porno. Sanders is completely shaved, Serenity’s dirty blonde long hair reaches down to her lower back, and she is truly a curvaceous blonde. Serenity really gets into it at one point and cums on Sanders’ fingers and that’s the hottest part of this scene. Her moans are genuine, and she contracts with real orgasms. Eventually a condom comes on and the two engage in a nice romp. The setting of a bar next to a pool table is good, and the sex is dynamic, with Serenity wearing black heels, and just getting into the action. She looks kind of like the girl next door, but with a twist, and Sanders looks like a rocker. The two go forward in some nice back and forth. Eventually Sanders cums on her face, and that’s the end. This is a much more romantic scene than I thought it would be, and it turned out great.

Up next, Serenity gets a chance at playing with the big boys of poker. They go through some motions, and then leaves Sanders and Tracy Love alone. That leads to another sex scene.

Tracy Love is a short haired busty blonde, and Alex Sanders is the same dude that you already saw. The two make out on the top of a bar, and Love really gets into the action right away. She looks like Sunny from WWE at one point. Tracy Love and Alex Sanders go through a hot, hard scene here. This is done in a bar, on top of the bar itself and it starts with kissing than oral fast. Love is shaved, and she gets really wet really fast, and things go smoothly for the most part. This is a much harder scene than the first one was, and it’s interesting to see. Alex Sanders really goes in hard with Tracy Love here. The scene is fast, and hard, with a focus on anal at one point. He slowly drives it in, then goes to town with Love screaming at one point. He eventually cums on her pubic mound and that’s it. This was a very fast scene, with a lovely girl, and Sanders playing a good role overall.

The movie continues, and it’s the end. Mickey G thanks Serenity for winning the big poker game and squaring all the money with Sanders. The two start to make out in a bathroom, and you know that this is the end of movie. Serenity and Mickey G. start to make out, and then undress, going into a passionate love making scene, that is the signature for Wicked. The two step into a hot tub, and oral commences. Serenity blows Mickey and this time he’s hard nearly immediately. He starts giving her oral, and she’s shaved, and gets really wet really fast. The two obviously have some chemistry together and it shows. She moans a great deal. Mickey puts on a condom and the two have sex on the tub, in the tub, and through multiple positions. The bathroom looks like a major vegas suite, and there’s a techno beat with a singer underneath the moaning and the groaning. This is an above average scene with the two actually having some chemistry. It’s interesting to see them work through the motions of sex here and definitely something that you would love if you’re a fan of either performers. I’m not a big fan of Serenity, but she’s hot enough to make these scene interesting. Mickey G tries to hold on for a lot of the scene, nearly cumming several times, but eventually holds on to finally cum for a money shot. The money Shot features Mickey G cumming on serenity’s face and that’s the end of the movie. Serenity is a good looking dirty blonde haired woman, and seems to enjoy this scene most.

The movie ends with Serenity winning the World Championship of Poker, and that’s about it. Nothing too crazy, and nothing too grand. The movie finishes off with the credits, and it’s not half bad if you ask me.

I give “The Shark” a 3 out of 5.

I can’t give it more than 3 because of the condom use, which isn’t seen being put on, and the lackluster enthusiasm on several of the scenes. While there are a few scenes that are very good, the sets are done well, and there’s a decent story, the performances aren’t that titillating, so I have to give this a 3. Hey, if you’re a fan of Serenity, you’ll love this one, but if you’re not, you may find this to be passable at best.

You can order “The Shark” on DVD by clicking here, and streaming it as well with 10 minutes free!

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Ramb-ohh! (1986) Review

Ramb-Ohh! (1986) VHS Cover
There are a lot of parodies of modern cinema. Many of them become porno movies, and today we are going to go back to a movie that was directed by a guy named Adam. This was released I n1986, and it is a movie that is a complete parody of the classic Rambo Franchise. The movie starts simple enough, and it is definitely one of the better movies to have a parody element to it, although, it’s still a porno. This was definitely meant to be seen on the big screen, as there is better acting, film grain, and a plot that involves a titular character. The movie today is called “Ramb-ohh!” and it stars Tom Byron, Bunnie Blake, Krista Lane, Ray Wells, Candie Evans, Peter North, and Ray Wells. This is a very 1980s movie as far as women are concerned, as they have big hair, and heels, and look like they just came off the set of a Motley Crue video.

We start the movie with people picking on a soldier, played by Peter North. He is getting called all sorts of names for being in Vietnam. He then steals a motorcycle and just goes along his way. In another scene, we see Tom Byron at a mansion, and some guy that looks like a villain talking on the phone, and the two exchange a few words before Byron goes inside.

The opening sex scene starts at around 5 minutes, and the music is very romantic, soft, and you find two women on a brown couch. One is a blonde, and one is a brunette, and they are simply kissing. Bunnie Blake, and Careena Collins kiss and slowly work through a lesbian opening sequence. The music shifts and in comes a young Tom Byron. I’ve seen more Tom Byron scenes than any other actor in the business at this point, and here he is, throwing down with two women, as they begin to blow him. The two women share his throbbing member, and the music turn sinto a bit more porn-chic element. This is a fast moving scene, mind you, and Byron is just enjoying every minute of getting blown by two beautiful women. This isn’t a long scene, no one is shaved, and Byron goes through both women at one point, before he eventually can’t hold it together, the camera shakes and he cums on the pubic hair of one girl while another gets really close for the money shot in her face, and licks up the cum after the fact. The scene has some good chemistry, and some solid momentum, although the music made me laugh. Not the best scene, but Byron seems to have enjoyed this threesome, and the women weren’t half bad, making it at least passable.

The next scene shows our solider coming up on a van and seeing that there is someone locked inside. He knocks out the two guys outside of the van, and then takes the girl away, saving here.

Another scene shows a couple of con artists trying to get someone to stop along the side of the road. One beats up a driver and then hijacks a car, and a country tune plays. This is comical, and unnecessary. But hey, it’s 1986, and we need a plot to this porno.

Switching ears, Peter North talks to a woman and talks about what is going. My VHS copy of this tape started to mess up a little, but we get more of the story. The woman saved was headed to a brothel, where she had to work against her will. But now she’s saved. As she talks, we are sent to another sex scene, where a man and a brunette with big hair are making out in front of a fireplace.

This scene features Krista Lane and Ray Wells. It’s an average sex scene with a jazzy musical score. No one is shaved again, there’s no condoms, and the two don’t seem to have a lot of chemistry. Lane does most of the work here, although Wells seems to hold off from cumming too fast. This is not a very sexy scene, although it works for what it is. The director does do some good close ups of the action, but there are also edits where you see Wells’ face too long, and then Lane’s body moving, but not penetration. There’s no one sweating here, and it’s apparent that the two are just doing the job, and not really into one another. Eventually Lane starts to really get into it, and moans and nearly screams, as she gets close to orgasm. The money shot occurs when Wells goes Russian with Lane and cums on her neck and chest, although it’s not a big load to speak of, which the director doesn’t even get too close to. It’s a minimal amount of an ender, and Lane doesn’t even seem that excited, making this a dull scene.

The movie then shifts back to Peter North and the woman he saved. She tells him that he needs to go to some building and stop a bomb that is going to go off. After that we see the villains talking to the boss and talking about how the woman they had escaped.

Another scene features the two con men that stole a car, just driving down the road. Then you get aerial shots of old Malibu, California. This is just an odd sequence of movie elements before you get back to Peter North, with a pair of binoculars looking at a house.

Inside the house we get our next sex scene. A jazzy tune starts and you see Careena Collins, Francois, and Ray Wells having a threesome. This is a basic three some, and it appears to have dubbed in sounds. Careena Collins does have a little moaning done here and there, but the tape dub is bad. Francois is funny here, he’s all oiled up, and it’s interesting to see him contrast with Wells. At one point Careena Collins’ has dubed over statements that are not in the same scene, and it’s funny. Then you get male voice overs, making this one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen. If you like terrible porn, you have to seek out this scene just to laugh at how bad the audio design is. The direction is also clumsy, but the audio is just tremendously bad. The two have sex with the brunette here, and it’s not terrible. There’s a money shot on her breasts, no double penetration or anything like that, just terrible dubbing. I couldn’t believe how bad this scene was. Just horrendous. Wells doesn’t even finish he stays hard after the seen ends, which is odd to me, but hey, that’s porno for you.

The movie moves to Peter North with a gun, then a city scene of Los Angeles from the 1980s. We are then shown two bad guys get beat up by North, and he jumps on the stolen motorcycle and takes off. Our hero finds the house he was looking at and attacks, going inside, and saving a woman that is tied up. They leave the room, and then the scene cuts to another couple having sex.

Candie Evans and Francois have sex on a water bed in this scene. Francois is an oiled up, tanned dude with a bad circumcision. Candie Evans is a blonde haired 1980s pin up looking porno girl. Again, no one is shaved, the two seem to have minimal chemistry, and the music is laughable at times. I did appreciate watching a movie with a waterbed in it. Remember those? I never got to have sex on a water bed, which makes this scene all the more delightful. This is a standard sex scene, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Francois did gay porn, because his physique, motions, and overall lack of enthusiasm drives you away from the scene. He’s hard, Evans rides him, but this is as mechanical as two married people having sex after being together for 30 years. It’s not worthy of the porno world if you ask me. The ending of this scene features Evans blowing Francois until he cums, and that’s it. Not a great scene.

Peter North rescues the girl, and then meets the villain of this movie. The two face off, and North throws a knife at the villain! He then falls into a pool, and that’s it. Our hero prevails! It’s not bloody, it’s not action packed, it’s just somewhat boring. Peter North barely works through his lines here, and the bets actor is the non-sexual role that the villain has.

Once the villain is dead, Peter North goes inside to tell Bunnie Blake and she’s spread eagle waiting for him. BUnnie is a blonde haired woman, with curly hair, and Peter North is now a legend. The starting of this final sex scene is all oral. The two taking their time going through the motions of sex, with neither shaved, and no condom in sight. This is another waterbed scene, in the same waterbed that we saw before, with pale walls, and a yellow comforter to boot. The music is a military style drumming which is terrible, and you get close ups of all the action here. As far as Peter North scenes are concerned, this is one of the worst. Sure, Bunnie Blake has some chemistry with him, but it’s not a great scene, as the two are somewhat mechanical. The saving grace of this movie should’ve been a Peter North facial, or big cum shot, but for some reason the director did not focus on that, and we just see a finish with dubbed in moaning, and that’s it. I kid you not.

I give “Ramb-ohh!” a 1 out of 5.

Well, it was bound to happen. I was going to run into a movie that was so awful, I didn’t want to even get hard for it. This is one of those movies. This is the worst porno movie I’ve seen, in terms of sex. Sure, there was some story to it, and there is some production value. However, this is a seriously terrible movie, and if you love bad porno, then you’ll like it. Other than that, this is not one that’s going to make you want to get it on. Unless, you’re a collector of all things Peter North, in which case, go for it.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Liquid Lust (1997) Review

Liquid Lust (1997) DVD Cover
Today we are going to venture to a movie that was released in 1997. I tend to not pick movies to review that have explicit covers, but you can’t always run from them, especially when it comes to porno. I like porno movies that have better covers than this, but then again, there are some covers that are just explicit because that’s what is inside the video. For this video in particular, I wanted to see early work from Stephanie Swift. She’s not the only star here, she’s working with John Decker, Sindee Cox, Charlie, Coral Sands, Holly Body, Mickey G, Missy, and others. For a late 1990s entry, I didn’t know what to expect, so it’s interesting to see what goes down here. I’m a fan of Stephanie Swift, mind you, so I did at least expect her to be an attractive point in this movie, but it’s also 1997, so maybe I shouldn’t have much of an expectation. “Liquid Lust” is a series of movies, but I am reviewing the first one here, and we’ll see how it all pans out.

“Liquid Lust” starts with a blonde haired, big breasted woman taking a bath, rubbing warm water around her body, and showcasing a very soft-core look. It’s artsy, it features milk, and her skin is very smooth, and attractive. This is the type of work that I expect from Andrew Blake, not a random 1997 porno, that’s for sure. The opening felt very much like a Hustler or Playboy Channel video, as it was surely just wetness, and whom I’m going to assume is Sindee Coxx. I could be wrong, mind you, but I’m going to assume it was her.

The movie continues, and you get a soundtrack that is very much jazzy, and freestyle. With synth sounds and vocalization that is in the backdrop. There are moments where you are blocked from seeing certain things, as the movie continues, and it appears that this was definitely a Spice Network feature. However, outside of the blocking, you get hardcore elements, and the first major sex scene is a dramatic, slow moving one, that features Sindee Coxx dancing for a male stud, but his name is not known to me, nor is it listed in iafd, so he’s just “guy”. He doesn’t look familiar to me. The music is interesting here, and it gets lowered to hear Coxx’s moans as the foreplay begins, on the side of a bath tub that is filled with milk and flowers. The camera shows you the first element of hardcore, as the guy starts to give oral to Coxx, and it’s very slow, methodical, and sensual. The guy’s clothes come off and you get a blow job scene that is not half bad, as Coxx definitely does well here, but it’s not a long scenario. She blows a bit, before getting started with a sexual romp at around the 20 minute mark. There’s a fade at one point, the music gets turned down further and our Guy goes all in with Coxx. She immediately starts to moan and even scream at one point, getting a little wet, and the two have sex on the counter top of a sink. The music gets annoying in contrast to Coxx’s moans. There’s a money shot that features the guy cumming on Coxx’s stomach and it’s not half bad, he really lets out a lot, and the music kicks back in, and we move onto our next scene.

It's at this point that I realize that this is a gonzo porno movie, and I hate those. I’m not a fan of gonzo productions at all.

The next scene starts in pool setting with a waterfall. You get some nice calming music, like this is a meditation scene, and the camera pans to show you two very beautiful women. They are nude, thin, and are rubbing themselves. The women start to kiss, and use their fingers. These are two brunettes, and they are Coral Sands and Holly Body. The camera goes under water at one point, and you can see the action from below, it’s quite titillating if you ask me. If you’re one that loves lesbian scenes, this is a pretty basic option and it’s not that crazy to note. Both women are well shaved, and just a small patch of pubic hair remains, as the music takes over and you see the two women just playing with no moaning, or any sounds etc. The music switches and a random woman shows up. She’s credited as Charlie. So Charlie, Coral Sands, and Holly Body start to kiss and start oral. Thet wo just go through the motions of lesbian sex, and this threesome is artsy, complete with a jazzy soundtrack that has a lot of piano, bass, and keyboards. It’s slow, and just doesn’t seem to fit the soft-core erotic element here. Yes there’s some hardcore to it, but not much. It’s more of a soft-core element, and well it works if you can get off to not seeing penetration a whole lot. There’s no sound from them, mind you.

The scene ends and we are taken to another scene. There’s no story here, it’s just Mickey G. and Missy. The two are passionately kissing in slow motion. If you’re a fan of slow motion blow jobs, and sex, then you’ll love the starting point of this scene. Missy and Mickey G. have passionate oral elements up front. The scene turns into an erotic production with a focus on art, rather than just raw sex. I guess that’s good, and could very well be something that couples would love. I’m not a big fan of this, but I also am not anyone else, I’m just me. The two kiss, with a backdrop of a staircase in a mansion, with proper lighting, and lots of blocking for the softcore cable crowd. Eventually the two start to have sex, and it’s a slow moving affair. Different positions on the stairs, and you hear minor moaning, but mostly you hear the soundtrack. There’s a lot of blocking from the staircase, and some of the angles don’t show penetration, but for the most part this is an adequate sex scene, as it does the job fine, it’s just, well, slow and sensual. That’s not bad, mind you, it’s just not what most people expect when watching porno. Missy is a tall blonde and wears white stockings, while Mickey G is an every-man type, and sticks it in deep without a condom. Eventually Missy screams as Mickey G puts his penis in her ass, going forward with an anal scene. With anal, Missy screams and moans, and the scene gets a little bit better for the most part. There’s an eventual money shot, where Mickey cums on Missy’s face, and that’s the end.

Moving forward, we get another sensual scene. This time it’s with Alyssa Love and Jay Ashley. This is sensual at the core of what it means to be sensual. It has art, a fireplace backdrop, kissing couple, and slow moving sexual elements. The music is also romantic, with piano notes, and looping drum beats. It’s truly a “how to guide” for couples, and I’m baffled that this is the movie I’ve picked to review today. This is a first for the site, and well, it is a porno, but I didn’t picture myself having to review such movies. Alyssa Love has a blonde streak in her black hair, and Jay Ashley is a young stud, and focuses on oral pleasure first, before getting into the sexual element. The two are on pillows on a floor in front of a fireplace, and it’s very much a softcore scene to start. Eventually the two start having sex, and well it’s ok. It’s not that fast, it’s multiple positions, no condom, and the music continues to be the best part here. It’ll get you there if you absolutely are into it, but the two just don’t seem that attractive to me, and it’s mechanical at best. They don’t have chemistry, even though they seem to work through the motions of sex. It’s robotic, and well, it gets to a climax, but not an exciting one as the sound and motion is a bit boring. The music is the best part of this scene. Eventually, there’s a money shot where Jay pulls out and cums on Alyssa’s face and that’s about it. He doesn’t even sweat in this scene. I got bored watching this. I doubt anyone is really into this scene, that’s for sure.

The scene changes to an outdoors location and it’s Stephanie Swift in a pool. She then meets up with John Decker, and the two start to go into sex. Stephanie Swift and John Decker have sex poolside. The music here is far more upbeat than anything you’ve heard thus far. It’s not quite jazzy, it’s more rhythmic and funny in the porno context. It’s stereotypical, really, and I laughed when it came on. You do hear more of the sounds from Swift and Decker, though, so that’s a plus. There’s no “art” here, it’s the two engaging in sex, and that’s it. The only difference between this scene and the others is that John Decker has a condom on when he has sex with Stephanie Swift. It’s visible, and not sure why this scene over the others had this element in it. There is no chemistry at first, but then the two move to a chair and then they seem to get into it. Stephanie Swift at one point screams and moans, as there’s a distinctive orgasm point, and that’s followed by John Decker cumming on her stomach. Other than that, it’s a mechanical sex scene, where the two are professional with each other, and lacks that passion that you would expect from sex on film, or not expect, I don’t know.

I give “Liquid Lust” a 2 out of 5.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Stephanie Swift, but here, she’s not that passionate with John Decker. If you’re a fan of hers, and want to collect all of her movies, then go ahead and get Liquid Lust from 1997. It’s not a terrible movie, it’ll get you there, but as a whole, it’s not a great porno movie, and honestly, it’s just another gonzo picture from the late 1990s. What else can I really say about it?

You can buy “Liquid Lust” from 1997 through various outlets. If you’re a fan of Stephanie Swift, you will want to see her working with John Decker, but other than that, I wouldn’t say that this is an instant classic or anything.

Friday, January 5, 2018

Mysteria (1995) Review

Mysteria (1995) DVD Cover 
As this New Year comes through I’m back at the desk reviewing pornographic material, because that’s what we don on this website. Today, we venture back to a movie that was filmed for video, and it shows. It’s a movie that stars Houston, P.J. Sparxx, Tom Byron, Dick Nasty, Nick East, Alec Metro, and Keisha. It’s directed by Charles Rothstein, and it’s an interesting little film from 1995. It starts with a narration abut how the city of Los Angeles is a dangerous place, and that some nights, things go awry. The narrator talks about how he’s a Private Detective, and he is just waiting for someone to come through and get him paid. The narration is terrible, but hey, that’s what you get when you are watching porno. “Mysteria” is the name of this movie, and it starts with the private eye meeting our seductress, a hot blonde haired woman, who they call Mysteria.

The movie starts to work through the motions of a plot. Mysteria shows up and talks to the detective, and after she leaves, he puts a video into the VCR, if you remember what those are. He turns on a video and it’s a porno that features Houston and P.J. Sparxx kissing and groping. That is our first scene.

P.J. Sparxx and Houston start to kiss and go through the motions of lesbian sex. The music is your average 16-bit sounding synth, bass, and slight guitar elements. It’s nothing too crazy, honestly, and it’s just average. Houston has her hair braided, giving her a tropical look, and Sparxx has dirty blonde hair, and seems more into this than Houston. The two go through the motions of kissing, licking, and moaning, and if you’re a lesbian scene fan, you’re going to like how sensual this scene gets. It wasn’t that bad, but isn’t amazing, either.

We cut to the detective, and there’s narration. The narrator questions whether or not Mysteria is telling him the truth, and he pulls up a folder, and he says that things are getting strange. He states that he’d watch the moon. The scene fades to black, and then we are laced inside a studio.

Inside the actor’s studio, it’s Keisha getting sultry and playing for the camera. In comes our detective and starts asking Tom Byron some questions. Byron has long hair, and his facial hair, the rocker phase he was sporting in the mid 1990s. The detective leaves and our next sex scene starts.

Woa, nearly 2,000 words are found in this “Mysteria” review. Click here and just watch the movie via VOD or buy the DVD for a low price! Unless you like reading, in which case, keep going!

This sex scene is filmed in an adult video studio, with a white backdrop, and features Keisha and Tom Byron. Keisha has long curly hair, and large breasts, and Tom Byron is all grown up, still in the industry from the 1980s forward. He’s all pierced here, and he is serviced quite well. There’s a jazzy, flute tune in the background, as Keisha blows Byron and causes him to squirm a few times. Perhaps she uses teeth? I don’t know. The scene is quite mild to start, and it looks as though Byron almost cums at the 23 minute more, but some how maintains his focus. He eventually gives oral, and then goes to the sex. The two don’t have that much chemistry together, and you don’t see Byron put on a condom to have sex here. The two go through a few positions, Keisha moans a little, and Byron just seems to close his eyes after insertion and moves forward. The two just don’t seem to be loving this, but they are professionals so they work through the motions, and get through the scene. Keisha is not shaved, Byron is completely shaved, the music intensifies a little, but the majority of the camera shows Byron’s condom clad penis going in and out of Keisha as she uses her hands to stimulate herself. Byron gets a little sweaty, and just continues to work through the motions of sex for a short while before the two switch to Russian style, and then he cums on Keisha right after the music cuts out. The money shot is on Keisha’s face and that’s it, nothing crazy. It was a lackluster scene, but these are professionals so they got it done, it’s just not that erotic if you ask me.

The movie continues, and we see a couple of guys talking. Then our detective comes through and asks a few questions. He wants to know about Mysteria and where she may be. They try to kick him out, and eventually he is asked to help the guys make a porno, and he accepts. He becomes the camera guy, and we get into our next scene.

With the detective on the camera, the scene turns into Valeria, Dick Nasty and Vince Vouyer having sex in a three some that has a bit of chemistry. So much so that Dick Nasty starts sweating early and Valeria is extremely wet before any sex goes down. She’s quivering and shaking and screaming at one point, while Vince Voyeur can’t seem to get an erection at one point. He struggles to get it up, and it’s evident he’s having problems in the scene, so the camera focuses on Valeria and Nasty using their hands to get her to orgasm, and it’s quite the scene. It’s the best part of this movie up to this point. Valeria is a tall, blonde that looks good with her clothes off, and has real breasts. I can’t unsee Vince Vouyer’s flaccid penis though, as he’s not hard during Nasty and Valeria going to town with their hands, getting a real orgasm out of this. It’s really good, and makes this movie worth checking out just to see that sequence and hear her moaning and screaming at one point. This changes at the 40 minute or so mark, as Voyeur finally gets up, and when he does, he’s big, and Valeria sucks him off while I assume Dick Nasty continues to use his hands and mouth to get her to continue to be wet. It becomes apparent that Dick Nasty and Valeria have a lot of chemistry together when he gets first turn on the sex, and the two go into doggy style, while Vince Voyeur gets sucked off. No more erection problems here, and the sex scene turns into quite the romp. There’s no condoms here, and Valeria cums a few times, and it’s very evident this is not faked. It’s a gem to see these things happen in porn, as it’s rare. Voyeur gets a turn having sex with Valeria as she turns her attention to Dick Nasty for a blow job, and while Vince is fast, hard, and gets sweaty, our blonde haired actress doesn’t seem to be as excited. Voyeur eventually takes his penis out, and Dick Nasty comes back for an anal section of this long scene. This is one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen, and it’s because of the chemistry between two of the three members here. Eventually we get a money shot on Valeria’s pubic hair, and that’s the end. This is one hell of a scene folks, and it perhaps gets an award. This scene is one of the best sex scenes in porno ever. Mysteria “Scene 3” featuring Valeria, Dick Nasty, and Vince Voyeur, golden porno of epic proportions!

Dallas D’Amour and Nick East churn out a scene up next. I’ve seen Nick East somewhere before, but I can’t seem to picture him during this video. Dallas has a pierced vagina lip, and Nick gives her oral, making her somewhat wet. She’s not completely shaved, but has a nice trail. She’s a brown skinned, black haired, woman, and looks Latina, with fake breasts, and the two have sex in a bar. The scene is a slow burn, going forward with D’Amour moaning a lot from foreplay before the two engage in a strong sexual experience. Dallas D’Amour is very theatric, moaning a great deal, while the synth jazzy music plays underneath. Nick East does well here, going all out, no condom, and just going through the motions of hot sex. It’s a great little scene, and at some angles Dallas D’Amour looks like Melina from the WWE. If you wanted to see a Melina sex tape from WWE, here is a scene for you. Fans of anal will like the second half of this scene, where Nick East slips it into D’Amour’s butt until he cums all over it. The two really seem to have a passion for the scene towards the end, but it is a slow burning one, so you’ll need to wait a little before the action really gets going.

As we move past the sex, we get the detective at a bar asking questions. Nick East tells him the whole story, and that leads to a sexual three way with Houston, Dallas D’Amour and Alec Metro. Alec Metro is famous for me, because he was having sex with Stacy Valentine and she was complaining that there were ants on the ground during the shoot. So she got a broom and started to clean up in the middle of their sexual romp by a pool. That was funny. Anyways, this is a standard three way sex scene. There are no condoms here, Houston gets worked over by Metro, and D’Amour is in the mix too. They have sex in a pink room, with pink walls, pink bed spread, and it’s not a terrible scene. The editing is a bit off, one minute Houston is on her back, the next D’Amour is in doggy style, and overall this is a good sequence of sex with Alec Metro doing his pro job. He has a lot more chemistry with D’Amour than with Houston in this one, and it is evident. It’s an interesting scene, with a lot of focus on D’Amour close up. She’s more shaved here than when she was in the bar, mind you. After some back and forth, Metro finishes on D’Amour’s back, and that’s the end of the sex. Houston wasn’t getting too much sex here, which was interesting, although she was in the scene.

After the sex is done, we are back to narration with Alec Metro talking about the detective business. He just talks and that’s it. Nothing crazy. The detective quits his job, though, and is now a bouncer at the bar, and that’s it. The end of the movie, with overhead views of Los Angeles, a jazzy synth soundtrack, and the end. Not a terrible movie, not a great one, and that’s the end.

I give “Mysteria” a 3 out of 5.

The 3 goes all for the second scene, where Valeria really turned me on. I almost had to stop the review to rub one out, it was that good. Other than that, this movie suffers from a lack of chemistry between the stars, a slow starting line, and well, an over acted finish in the end. I’m not a big fan. Houston’s other work may be fine, but here, it’s not great. The movie is marginally good, and well, it’s not gonzo, but it’s not great either.

Now, you can buy “Mysteria” from 1995 or stream it by clicking here! No joke, get free minutes just by going forward with it. Check out the Valeria scene at least, it’s one of my favorites from reviewing movies thus far.
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