We go back to the 1990s, and this time around we are looking at a movie that was distributed by Nitro Productions, and directed by Charles Rothstein. The movie stars Houston, Alec Metro, Valeria, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Vince Vouyer, Dallas Whitacker, Barbi Bond, Keisha, and Mike Horner. The movie is about a bar in Texas, and a wealthy tycoon wants to buy in. Will the bar sell out or will they stay put, on top of a fortune of ore? The movie has a simplified plot, and really is paper thin as per usual, and to be honest, it’s not well written. However, unlike my previous reviews, I take a look at the sex more than the story, because no one seems to care about the story, and fast forward to the raunch, right? Today we look at "Texas Crude".
The first thing you should know about this movie is that Houston is starring in it, that same Houston that did 620 men in the world’s biggest gang bang. The movie opens up with a simple strip tease, and we get moving fast into the nudity. Of course, that’s what you came for, right?
Plotting starts with a group of lawyers in a room, being requested to purchase land that is sitting on a great deal of ore. The group adjourns, and we get moving straight forward into a hard wipe, and a bedroom scene. The room looks like a random hotel, and it isn’t that attractive, but it’s where we start with the sex.
Scene 1. Houston, Alec Metro
Houstin has her hair in braids, like that of the Perfect 10 movie. If you’re familiar with that classic, then you know what her hair looks like here. ALec Metro wears a suit that is too big for him, but it starts to come off fast with Houston. Houston is a blonde with big breasts, and a thin waist. This is before she had a lot of other work done, so she is still somewhat young in this scene, and Metro is a veteran of sorts.
The scene is somewhat standard, with the most provocative of moments the oral sequences with Metro getting blown, where as Houston getting eaten out isn’t exactly the best. She’s shaved, in that 1990s style, so if you’re a fan of that, you’ll likely be turned on here. However the sex is rudimentary, lacking that passion, it’s two machines, no passion, and well, somewhat interesting for the longer shots. This is standard sex, porno sex, multiple positions, and a money shot, no condom, and just a finish. If you’re a fan of Houston, then you may like this scene, otherwise, it’s just not that grand. Even if she is hot, there’s something missing.
Metro’s script is hilarious, if you’re watching this for entertainment, he spews a few one liners, here and there, which are funny to consider, but overall just over the top.
Plot Point
The plot moves forward and we get more of the story. Two guys are looking to make a deal to buy out the owners. In between that we get to see the hiring process of a strip club. That leads to a stern conversation in the back of the club. Ms. Dallas Delight says Texas Crude is not for sale. The crux of this plot revolves around the buying of a strip club. There’s some seriously bad acting, bad jokes, and simplified lines.
Scene 2. Valeria, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron
Next up we get a threesome in which Byron and Wallice are sent to arrest Valeria, a busty blonde. The fun starts with kissing in a backstage area of what is supposed to be the strip club/bar. Byron gets blown first, and that’s where your x-rating comes into play. This is a scene with minimal music, and a bit of sound overall. The sound design here is not half bad, but the lack of music is a bit odd considering this is a feature. There’s a good deal of foreplay for the plot, but once the sex gets moving forward, Valeria and the boys do a good job of making moves. Fans of close up sex will enjoy seeing the penetration go full force with Byron taking the lead overall. At one point Wallice is soft, so he’s not in frame. Valeria does anal after a certain point, and while there’s no double penetration, there’s enough to get you started up. Anal is somewhat limited before a money shot occurs, and she gets it on her face and pubic mound, which is not completely shaved.
Plot point: Wallice and Byron cum and are busted by Dallas, she warns the cops that they are in trouble and will have to answer to a higher authority unless they scram.
Meanwhile, Houston wants to dance and approaches Dallas and asks to get started asap.
Scene 3. Dallas Whitacker, Vince Vouyer
Vouyer watches Dallas dance, and eventually gets in good with her, and the next sex point begins. Dallas is a nice, tight blonde with medium size breasts, and Vouyer is a pro here. The setting here is a bar, right on the stools and counter. The two proceed into oral, and while it’s not epic, it is serviceable. Dallas is ok, she has pretty looks, and gives head with slight enthusiasm, but you can tell that the chemistry here is lost somewhere. They are limited to how many positions they can go here, so you can expect limited sex, doggy, cowgirl, and the use of the bar stools and counters. Dallas has a nice body, but this is not a great sex scene if you ask me. It’s formulaic, and Vouyer even looks bored at one point. There’s a money shot and then that’s it, it’s all over.
Plot Point: Houston talks to Mr. BIg about buying the bar. We then move forward to the stage where two ladies are dancing and getting clapped for and cheered for. This has shotty camera work, slow motion, and piped in claps. It’s pretty lousy, but the set isn’t too bad here so that’s a plus.
Scene 4. Dallas Whitacker, Houston
For fans of lesbian sex, the movie throws in this little tidbit. You get Houston with Dallas, and the two immediately start getting naked and going for it. You can tell that they are not fully bisexual, at least not with one another as the scene is slow, methodical, and somewhat tame in comparison to the rest. It’s very lackluster in terms of lesbian sex, and while it will get you there, it’s definitely lacking. Again there’s no soundtrack here, just the moaning, and mostly oral as you’d expect. This is a scene you’d probably fast forward, it lacks chemistry.
Scene 5. Barbi Bond, Keisha, Mike Horner
Moving along, we are in the middle of another scene, the plot jumps to sex, and we get the final sex encounter. This time around it’s Barbi Bond, Keisha, and Mike Horner. Horner is a veteran of this stuff, and the two women are a dichotomy for you. One is a tight blonde and one is a brunette with nice hips and curly hair. The sex starts quickly with a blow job to horner, and then goes into lesbian sex. Lots of kissing and oral before Horner jumps in to have sex with the women and it’s not half bad. It’s a good ender, but it definitely is missing something. There’s a cum shot on Barbi Bond’s rear, and that’s it for the sex, a short sex scene to level things out.
The plot thickens when Dallas and Houston catch Horner’s character. Horner is married so gets to moving along, and then we get the final moment, where Dallas and Houston breaks the news to Mr. Big, he gets the shaft and doesn’t get to buy the club.
Texas Crude is a by the numbers porno movie, and one that I wouldn’t recommend. If you’re a big fan of Houston, then there you go, but other than that, this is somewhat mediocre and just kind of tiresome.
I give “Texas Crude” a 1 out of 5 stars.
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