Guilty As Sin (1996) Review

Guilty as Sin (1996)

It took me a long time to get back into the swing of things. I have been working a lot, and have been pursuing a doctorate degree, and just found myself focusing on reading, writing, and other areas of interest. Today, we are going to be looking at a movie from 1996. This movie came out in 1996, and it is 93 minutes long. It was directed by Jim Enright, and distributed by Klimaxxx Productions. This movie features some great actors, so I am intrigued by the initial line up. This movie is called, “Guilty as Sin”, and it stars Missy, Mickey G, TT Boy, Nadia Moore, Precious Silver, Peter North, Alex Dane, Alex Dane, Celine Devoux, Blake Mitchell, and Jonathan Morgan. At the time of this movie’s filming around January of 1996, I was only 13 years old, so I did not see it until recently. Some of my personal favorite adult stars are in this movie, and they include TT Boy, Peter North, and Jonathan Morgan. Steve Drake, that rascal is here too, and of course a line up of women that came and went, and didn’t make a big splash like some other featured women on this site. But that’s the world of adult movies, hit and miss, and hope.

You ever wonder who the custodian of records is for these movies? The opening of this movie has a slow starting point, where you hear nothing, see nothing, but get that warning that the custodian of records has all the files on all of the performers, because they are all of age, etc.

The movie starts with three women talking. A secretary comes into an office and is talking about a new client. The new client is a blonde haired woman, and she said that she heard the attorney is the best and she needs the best. She’s in the worst running suit, and it’s hilarious. The office looks like your average set, grey carpeting, a book shelf, some books, a random credential, and a piece of Thomas Kincade art in the background. A desk, and brown bookshelf, and the lighting of course is coming from two angles, so the shadows are showcasing where the lighting rigs are. I’m trying to see if there’s a boom mic in the shot, but the editor did a good job of framing this enough to not see it, but I know it’s up there, and if you’re careful, you can catch the sound bouncing through it.

The blonde tells the attorney that she needs her, and the attorney said she doesn’t need anyone if she hasn’t been arrested or taken in for questioning yet. The blonde tries to convince the lawyer, but the attorney is not having it, until the blonde tells her a little more about her story, and that she has an alibi that has stopped her from killing her man. She says she has her own money, so there’s no way she could’ve killed her husband. When she starts that, the attorney sits down and starts to listen to a story, where we get a hard cut, and into the first scene of adult material.

We cut to a backyard swimming pool. There is a single camera shot looking in on Mickey G floating on a pool bed, and Missy comes through. She walks in with a bikini, but the frame of the shot is so uneven, you can barely see her get into the frame. The director has this shot framed horribly, and the sunlight is so bright, the backyard is washed out, the colors not grand. Missy is a thin, dirty blonde, and has that California tan. Missy gets down to the pool and starts to blow Mickey G immediately, without any interlude, and a hard camera cut, straight to the close up of her blowing him directly. I’m not a fan of the framing of this scene at all. The centering is all off, and the weight is positioned in an odd manner. Mickey G. begins giving Missy oral after she blows him for a while, and the two have basic chemistry, but nothing too grand. Missy’s make up is on point, non-reflective, and her blonde hair has roots that come through as the camera focuses in and out of the closeups. Mickey G. is unkempt and is playing a macho role here. Missy has long legs, that California, blonde, slightly tan but not really too pasty skin tone. The two get out of the pool and use the flotation device to go into more positions. Fans of Missy will find this performance to be adequate, as Mickey G goes through the motions of each position, his arm behind his back because the camera is right on the two as they try to have sex. This scene is quick, and ends with a cum shot on Missy’s face, as she moans. This is not a grand scene, but it’s straight sex, no condoms, and for the outdoors, safe in terms of fantasy land.

We go back to the attorney’s office where Missy talks about what is going on with the case. They talk about how an open marriage, and that they allowed one another to love others as well. Just then, Jonathan Morgan storms in and gives Missy a warrant for arrest. Then the attorney finally says she’ll be her client. Dana, is her name, and the acting here is horrible, with the exception of Jonathan Morgan. Morgan says that the woman shot her husband with a shotgun, and she’s guilty.

We move forward to an office building where Steve Drake and our attorney start to talk. They talk about what things are had by the client. The acting here isn’t too bad, not great, but the dialogue works well. The office here is an obvious set, with bad lighting, but Drake does well here as an evil attorney.

Another hard cut and we are nearly 20 minutes into the porno, and the plot thickens. We see a press release, then we get two women sitting in bed and talking more plot. Missy’s accused of murder, Steve Drake is the evil lawyer, and things keep moving forward, with lots of dialogue. That alone elevates this movie past minor porno status, and instead gives it a full 2 stars extra just for the plot, dialogue, and storyline.

Soft cut here, and we get Missy talking to her lawyer again. The two discuss the pieces of the case. This time we are in Missy’s house, but she’s wearing the same wardrobe as before. During this scene, Missy and her attorney discusses the relationship that Missy has with Charlie. Charlie is played by Peter North, mind you. It’s here that we transition to the next sex scene, and the director throws us into the mess.

We go back outside, and Missy is sitting on a park bench while TT Boy is over her, getting blown. The music starts, and it’s saxophone heavy, with TT Boy showcasing his prowess, and Missy putting on a show for Peter North, who plays the voyeur, or the cuck, depending on how you view this type of thing. Missy and TT Boy have a lot more chemistry than Mickey G did with her, and it shows. Missy rides him in various positions, and he gets really into it towards the end, giving Miss a great deal for the somewhat short scene all things considered. Meanwhile, Peter North sits and watches, and eventually TT Boy cums on Missy’s face, and positions her a bit further from him to get the first launch, which is fine, but not grand. It’s an ok scene, better than the first, that’s for certain.

The lawyer asks Missy if Charlie (Peter North) ever had other women, and that’s when the screen fades, and we see three women enter a room, and present themselves to North. Meanwhile, Missy watches from the corner of a badly decorated set. The show here starts immediately with terrible elevator rock music, that sounds all synth heavy. Nadia Moore, and Precious Silver are the actresses, and they are both skinny, model types, with enhanced breasts, and pretty faces. Both have darker hair, and are a contrast to missy’s blonde hair. The camera goes back and forth between solo action with Missy, to Peter North immediately getting blown and moaning. The set design here sucks, alongside with the lighting, which casts bad shadows all over the scene from overhead lighting. But as far as the sex is concerned, it’s not half bad, although North seems to be in work mode, while the women just go through the motions. You can tell the lighting is coming from the fourth wall, as the shadows give away the set details. As for titillation, the women put on a clinic of how to give ladies oral, meanwhile, North does his best to keep it up. The sex is as sterile as a brothel visit. This is not North’s best work, and Nadia and Precious seem to just be willing participants in a scene where they are more interested in each other, including one woman with a hood piercing. The music is horrible though, the set has green walls, and the camera is all over the place, so good luck with this one. Oh, and how can I forget, there’s a Peter North facial onto a tongue ring, and well, he doesn’t exactly drop a big load here, so if you’re looking for the best of North, this is not the scene for you.

We get back to the house that the attorney was in with Missy. The two start to discuss how many partners one another had. The two women continue to converse, and we get a scene where the attorney is driving. I kid you not, this is a legit movie, although B-level or C-level, but there’s structure here that you do not get with a lot of movies.

The lawyer shows up to her home and walks in, only to find Jonathan Morgan to be in her bed. The two argue about why she took the case. Morgan is a detective, mind you, and the two keep talking about the case, and how one thinks the client is guilty. Morgan gets thrown out of her house, in the worst acting job in the movie thus far.

A soft fade and we go to a court room scene. This is actually done well, and there’s even some non-sex actors in this! I love those! I was in one once. Anyways, this turns into a court room drama, and we get into the best dialogue, and attempts to act. If you are one to watch full movies, rather than just fast forward to sex, you’ll be delighted by the acting job done here. Except for the fact that the attorney here is just reading aloud, not from memory. The judge as well isn’t really taking it seriously, and why would he? It’s a porno, right? A witness is called to the stand, and it’s Alex Dane.

A hard cut takes us into the bedroom of Alex Dane and Peter North. Dane is a skinny, small breasted, brunette, and she immediately begins with a blow job on Peter North. The music here is horrendous, and the set design is actually straight of the 1980s. The flowery brown couch, the hardwood flooring, white piano, and terrible contrast of color and design makes me laugh. Dane and North have a bit of chemistry, especially Dane who really seems to get into the act of giving North a good scene. The two have sex on a brown couch with flowery patterns, and a reddish background, a thrift store find if you ask me. The sex goes through several instances, and positions, with North maintain speed, and precision eventually going through anal. It’s apparent that Dane isn’t that into it, but the scene calls for it, so it goes forward. The music is synth heavy, and it’s fake horns here, and it’s horrible. It’s louder than the sex sounds, which have Dane moaning and North just breathing heavily. After some time, North finishes on Dane’s chest, and that’s that. This is bland. Very little chemistry, and just run of the mill in terms of lighting, and camera work. It’s lazy if you ask me.

Missy shows up and sees the two after they’ve had sex, and she’s upset.

The movie goes forward with the court case, and Drake keeps pushing the witness, and we get moving forward into Drake’s office. Here we see a blonde in a red dress talking to our prosecutor. The two start kissing, and soft music starts. Celine Devoux is the actress here, and she looks like Topanga from “Boy Meets World”, with her hair done like her, thick thighs, and skin tone that draws you in. The set here again is bland, but it’s done up to look like a cheap lawyer’s office or a motel, for that matter. The lighting sucks again, and I’m wondering who green lit this thing, but it’s a porno, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Devoux and Drake begin with foreplay, and Drake giving some breast play to start. Devoux’s chest is natural, from what I can tell, but then again, this is 1996, maybe they aren’t? I don’t know, I should know. She has cake makeup, is trimmed, and the camera goes right into the tongue and labia, so if you’re a fan of oral, or want to learn, Drake seems to put on a clinic with the foreplay and oral. Drake uses his fingers, mouth, and more to get the first initial climax, and the camera moves lower to show you different angles, and I take back my comment about Devoux’s chest not being enhanced. The sex starts, and it’s casual, nothing crazy, reverse cowgirl, couch sex, Devoux moaning, and for the most part, it’s just run of the mill. I can’t really say it’s terrible, but it’s apparent that Drake and Devoux do not match chemistry, but rather are doing the job. Devoux is a blonde haired stripper type, and if that’s your thing, enjoy. Otherwise, you’re going to get distracted by the lack of chemistry, if that’s what you’e looking for. At the 72 minute mark, there’s anal, and that’s where the scene takes a tonal shift, with the two actually seeming to love what they do, so kudos on that. A cum shot on the chest of Devoux, and that’s the end of the scene.

Drake gets a phone call, and it’s Jonathan Morgan saying that there’s another murder. This time it’s a young man, and it’s another shotgun killing.

The movie then moves forward, and we get to see what really is happening. The attorney talks to Missy, and we then go to a room where Missy is talking to someone on the phone, yelling. The phone is tapped, and we are seeing the end of this story unfold. Missy is in on an extortion plot, she throws the phone down and pulls out a gun, and grabs a leather jacket, this thing is turning into a revenge thriller!

The plot finally thickens, and I’m all in here. A detective is on her tail, and we get some thriller type music, as she pulls up to a house, under the cover of night, to see Peter North come out in a suit, and he’s not dead afterall! North says that the two can run away together. The attorney shows up, talks her out of it, and right before she shoots North, a detective shows up and that’s the end. The whole story wraps up with a detective and our attorney.

Up to this point I didn’t want to name the attorney, because I’m lazy. It’s Blake Mitchell, a short haired redhead, with large breasts. Jonathan Morgan and her begin to kiss on the set of her apartment, and begin with breast play. The oral sex on this scene is good, and Morgan sure has some initial skills with Mitchell, which I definitely appreciated, considering this movie seems to lack in the sex department at times. The camera hides behind a plant at one point, which is hilarious to me. This apartment is designed like the worst Ikea in the world, mind you. The sex begins with a condom on, mind you, the first condom I’ve seen in this whole movie. We start with doggy style, and it’s ok at best. Mitchell moans, and Morgan concentrates, but you can tell that it’s just pure concentration, and nothing more. We switch to another position, Morgan on top and going forward as fast as he can, and then leading to an end of a cum shot on Mitchell’s triple D breasts, which the camera makes look enormous with the angle they choose.

The camera fades, and we get the end, that’s it. The end sequence, and a finish line for the movie.

“Guilty As Sin” was not my favorite movie in terms of sex. But as far as a full movie, with a script, with lots of dialogue, editing, sequencing, and full plot, this is a stellar example of what can be done with a minor budget, for a sex movie. It’s a movie I could see in theaters, and enjoy enough not to finish myself off within the first scene. That’s a special kind of porno movie, isn’t it? Well, it’s something alright.

I give “Guilty As Sin” a 3 out of 5.

You can buy, stream, and download “Guilty As Sin” from 1996, and see extras, and maybe even give it a better rating by clicking here!

Coed Fever (1980) Review

Coed Fever (1980)

Today we are getting back to our time machine and we are going back to 1980. We are going to be seeing a Cabellero Home Video million copy seller, as it was a huge hit for the company in 1980. “Coed Fever” was released in 1980, and it had a lot of solo acts, and 19 overall sex scenes. It was directed by Robert McCallum, and it features some heavy hitters. Some of the names that are in this include Terri Dolan, Aaron Stuart, Serena, R.J. Reynolds, Lisa De Leeuw, Jamie Gillis, Piper Smith, Gloria Harrison, Vanessa del Rio, Michael Morrison, Ron Jeremy, Samantha Fox, John Leslie, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Terri Dolan, Jon Martin, Annette Haven, Eric Stein, Don Fernando, and Paul Baressi, just to name as many as I could. There’s a lot going on here, and the movie is only 89 minutes long. This really feels like a movie that was meant to be seen in movie theaters, and it shows. It really pushes that envelope from the start, with sex being the biggest thing, at least with my copy of the film.

The movie begins with a pixie haired dirty blonde with small breasts, not shaved, and Aaron Stuart with a late 1970s hair cut and mustache. No one’s shaved here, and it gets straight into a blow job as the clothes start to come off. The film grain is here, you know this was on the silver screen. The set is a kitchen, and the two actors get into the sex, showing off no condoms, and the classic push of the 1980s. The sex has a lot of edits, a lot of cuts, and a lot of facial expressions, so you go back and forth with the close ups, and then the penis and the vagina, with lots of hair everywhere. Eventually, Stuart cums on the pub ic hair of Terri Dolan, and starts the movie off with straight forward sex. These two are not young coeds, that’s for sure.

We have a cut and we end up going to a sorority house where we see girls talking. Then we go to a frat house where some dudes start talking and that’s it. A lot of exterior shorts are shown, and we see a variety of men and women talking. This is a full movie with sets, and film grain, it’s simple. The dean calls for the women to come over, and we just get moving forward like a 1980s college flick. If you’ve seen one of those, then you know that the movie is about the guys against the evil Dean of the School. We see that the Dean is going to have a photo shoot that is going to do a story on the sorority, but they have to ditch their men. The Sorority lead talks to the girls and says that they need to date only good men.

We are sent to a date, where a man named Joey and a girl talk about doing it, and the guy is getting rejected. This is a break up date. The woman breaks up with ole Joey, and he starts throwing chairs, and gets really upset. Meanwhile we see the waiter going mad, and miming his disinterest.

The scene cuts to Serena and R.J Reynolds in a gym. Serena is a red haired girl, and she gets on her hands and knees to start sucking off Reynolds, and that’s it. There’s no sound, there’s no artistic elements, just hard light from the left, and the sounds of sucking.

The movie then shifts to another couple in a sauna, and they are talking about how they need to break up. The movie moves along and we see others break up before we are sent back to Serena and Reynolds in a very basic sex scene. It’s like watching two parents or a long time couple have sex, very little passion, not a lot of moaning, just him on top, and moving forward on gym mats. There’s romantic music, the lighting sucks, and there’s little to no “passion” here, it’s just straight forward, with a basic movement. The best part here is that Reynolds go down on Serena and she really gets into it, and that’s where she starts to moan, and we get to see a better sequence of sex.

The break ups continue, and we get more of the story. We are hearing about the future of the sorority and the frats and dating. It’s a story driven movement, and we are introduced to other characters along the way. This movie is swift, we are 22 minutes into this movie, and we haven’t seen a lot of sex just yet, but there’s a lot of story. It’s ok at best.

Moving forward, we are taken to a threesome that happens after a couple of guys go to a bar.

THis scene, from what I can gather includes Piper Smith, Gloria Harison, and Jamie Gillis. Terrible music begins, and one of the other guys starts watching, and Gillis starts to eat out one of the women, and then one of them rides him, and his face. The two girls are blondes, there’s some smooth jazz that comes through, and away we go through another sex scene, with bad lighting, and random moments of sex. There’s some good moments with a blow job, having two blonde haired women blow Gillis is good, and they seem into it completely. The movie continues with bad lighting, bad shadows, and what appears to be a swing set? After some time, there’s a facial and that’s it. This was ok at best, the women were a little more into it, but it wasn’t grand to say the least.

After the scene, we get to another part of the movie, two guys and a laundry truck. The two guys have a plot to work with and are talking about delivering some new detergent, but it’s really poison. They knock out a woman, drag her upstairs, and replace her with someone else.

Ron Jeremy and Michael Morrison talk about how they want to get moving forward with taking pictures and getting forward progression on the story. Vanessa del Rio is there and giving the guys a tour, and Jeremy keeps saying that he can’t contain himself. After the trio look into a random bedroom, they decide that they need to get it on. Jeremy gets down on his knees and gives del Rio oral while Morrison gets blown, and the smooth jazz comes over again. If you’re a fan of del Rio than you will like this, it’s average at best. Jeremey and Morrison work well in the doubles, but eventually Jeremy cums onto del Rio’s breasts, and Morrison goes soft, allowing this to finish off.

The Dean shows up and catches del Rio, and then chases her out. The Sorority house gets made, and they aren’t sure how to move forward. They say that people will be getting in trouble if they don’t fess up to who is responsible.

As the movie progresses we see another couple, this time it’s John Leslie naked on a bed with Samantha Fox blowing him. There’s no sound again, just the sound of the blow job. This leads straight into sex, and it’s Leslie on top, and he’s going in and out, with Fox’s legs up.

The movie continues and the Dean is mad, and he starts plotting how to move forward. We are at the 54 minute mark at this point.

Moving along we see a random dude scoping out the sorority, meanwhile, a couple of women are doing it together. There’s a simple scene with Lysa Thatcher and Tawny Pearl. A brunette and a blonde just having fun together, lesbian sex, lots of oral, fingers, and forward progress. There’s a slow moving bass line, and we see the guy come inside the room to see it all happen.

Up next there’s a sorority initiation, and we see Tawny Pearl, Lysa Thatcher, Brooke West, Smantha Fox, and Terri Dolan all getting spanked while they play with vibrators. This is a sorority initiation and it’s quite sexy.

We move forward and find out that the sorority found out who was causing the problems with the Dean. That made Annette Haven, Samantha Fox and Paul Baressi engaging in a threesome which features sex and a paddle, then a strap on dildo with some strong elements. There’s a sense of punishment in this arena, and it’s a domme sex scene that borders on violence at times. It’s not my favorite scene, but it progresses the plot, so in that arena, I guess it’s ok. It’s a threeway overall and at some point Paul Baressi cums on and rubs his penis all over the brunette, and that’s that.

Some soft music plays, and we see the movie progress to a date again. This time Brooke West and Jon Martin are talking, and they simply talk about how they want to do it. That leads to another plot point, before we end up in a soft sex scene, with West and Martin. Brooke is a brunette girl next door looking woman, and Martin is a nerd, and well, the sex is ok at best. It’s soft, it doesn’t get a lot of movement, the lighting is horrendous, and they do it on a carpet, and well, it’s just not great at all. It looks clumsy as hell.

The climax and ending of the movie features the coeds having sex at the mansion of the Dean, and the camera guy and article writer get in on the action, as the jazz music comes through and we are treated to a little disco, and a cum shot to finish things off, nothing that great, but just a finish.

At the end of the day, there’s a lot going on in this story driven movie. It’s more story than sex, that’s for sure. There are some funny moments, and it’s hilarious to see how things work through the elements, including a little gay nod at the end.

I give “Co Ed Fever” a 2 out of 5.

It was hard to review this one because the editing was so bad, but it worked for what it was. It’s like a 90s or 80s sex comedy, with hardcore in it, the sex is not passionate, you sometimes don’t see penetration because of the lighting, and it really seems like a movie that played as a double feature to a better porno, but then again, that’s what you get with the 1980s, right?

Vendetta (2017) Review

Vendetta (2017) DVD and Poster 

Today we are going modern. We are going to venture into something that I don’t do often, and that’s going forward into something newer. With that in mind, let’s venture to the year 2017, April 2017 when a 95 minute movie from Wicked Pictures came out and started to win some serious awards. This is very much a high budget production, but that doesn’t mean that it has the film grain that I love. It is filmed in HD, but it’s still very much soap opera or Netflix style camera work. It is NOT like what you would see on the big screen, even from the golden era of porn. That doesn’t make it bad, it’s just a fact that I saw from the opening sequencing. It’s on par with a Mexican soap opera at times. This movie is called "Vendetta", and it is directed by Stormy Daniels, and is released by Wicked Pictures. The stars of this movie includes Asa Akira, Kleio Valentien, Stormy Daniels, Kenzie Taylor, Lucas Frost, Brendon Miller, Marcus London, Kimber Woods, and Michael Vegas. It’s not a long movie, but it has a plot that is going to be worth checking out for some, and for others, it will be another movie that they skip to the sex scenes, because afterall this is a porno, right?

Before jumping into the viewing, I want to look at the synopsis. In this movie, Celeste, our main character is left with a rich husband that is stuck in a wheelchair. She needs to find pleasure, and he can’t give it to her. The husband gets mad, and hires a private eye, and that creates some serious problems, as the woman is actually someone much more dangerous than he ever knew, hence the name, Vendetta. Fun, right?

Let’s get into the movie, roll it!

The opening scene shows Stormy Daniels riding a horse, and it’s legit her. She can ride, and that’s really cool. Daniels is a tall blonde, and she rides this horse with care, the camera editing enjoying her movements. She’s busty here, but she’s fully covered up, as she rides through the ups and downs of riding for sport. We are introduced to Celeste and her man, and we see how terrible the acting truly is. Stormy Daniels comes down the stairs, her husband just hanging out, and that’s it. She says she is going to leave, and decides to just take off. The husband calls someone and says she’s doing it again. She jumps in a car with Asa Akira, and away we go.

We then see the women driving to an undisclosed location, and then we see them pair up and find another woman and go into a bathroom. There’s red lighting here, and a sign that says that it’s a bathroom, as it says “toilet”, in case you’re not smart enough to pick up on it. The three women are at a club or somewhere, because the bathroom is lit with a red light, red light district type of thing. We see the tall blonde in Stormy Daniels, and we see Asa Akira a beautiful Asian woman, and Kleio Valentien a tall, tattooed blonde, and the three start to kiss and giggle, and then get into sex. The trio go through some standard lesbian sex, and then bring out toys for the camera to see. The camera work and editing here is ok, but the techno beat, the red lighting, and the constant cuts hurt my head. The moaning, and the process works well, and the women are beautiful, including wearing heels, tight dresses, and more. However, there’s a lack of something, that “it” factor, although the women use toys, go through DP with them, the confines of a bathroom doesn’t lend itself well enough for this scene to really get off the ground.

After the club scene, we then see Stormy Daniels and Asa Akira talking about random things. They try to act, and it’s not terrible. The makeup job on these women is really good. The camera editing is good, the conversation is bland, and we see the women supposedly at a restaurant, but it’s not that great at all. The set design leaves something to be desired. Meanwhile, as the women leave, there’s a random voyeur taking shots of them, most likely the private eye. The husband here is the same guy from the movie “Stupid Cupid” by the way! It’s Kyle Stone!

We are in a backyard now. We see Celeste and her husband just talking and having breakfast. The two argue about whether she has been faithful or not, and that makes her storm off. He starts to dial his phone and call a detective and say that he doesn’t know what to do. He then calls his lawyer. The lawyer then turns around after talking on the phone, and we get into a new sex scene.

The lawyer here is played by Kenzie Taylor. SHe’s a tall blonde with large breasts, tattoos, and a nice makeup job. She has large fake breasts, and invites Lucas Frost to kiss her and start to get through the motions of sex. Taylor takes her top off, as Lucas pulls her skirt down and underwear, before starting to give her oral. She’s pale, has a French tip manicure, and is quite sexy here. She has a full pubic mound of hair, and Lucas begins to use his fingers and tongue to get through the intiial warming of Taylor’s vagina, including making her cum at the 21 minute mark. She moans, and he continues, and this is one hell of a start to a scene. As far as looks are concerned, Taylor looks like a high end escort, and performs with a certain magnitude that you’d expect from them. Lucas Forst is not a big guy, he doesn’t have a giant penis, and is shaved completely. We get into deep throat here, and while it’s adequate, he seems to be in mechanical mode for the most part. A condom gets put on, and the sex begins, with that robotic push at first, but after a blow job that wasn’t half bad, it’s a welcome point of interest. It almost looks like there are two condoms being put on here, but it’s something that I can’t really qualify as a truth. It just looks that way to me. Taylor moans a great deal, keeps her garters on, and her stockings, as the positions shift from the desk, moving forward. The camera stays close enough, and the movie continues to the eventual cum shot in the face, and that’s that, nothing too complex, nothing too exciting, but rather just status quo for adult cinema in the modern era. I did appreciate the set being more than a warehouse and the dialogue moving the story along, but the rest was somewhat ordinary, for lack of a better term.

We move forward with a fade to black. Stormy Daniels and Asa Akira are having lunch on a balcony overlooking the Hollywood Hills. This is a house that is supposed to be a restaurant, but it really is just a home. Stormy Daniels goes to make a call in the bathroom, and she looks in the mirror, her husband calling her to find out where she is. She returns to the lunch table, and talks to Asa Akira. The two go through some boring dialogue about how if you cheat a lot you’ll get caught. They talk about how Celeste’s husband is dealing with being in a wheel chair and that things are tough.

We fade to black again, and then see Stormy Daniels in a full horse riding suit with Brendon Miller. Miller is a tattooed, hard looking guy, and Stormy looks great in a riding outfit. The two start to kiss a bit, and undress, showing off Stormy’s large breasts, and full figure. She’s blonde, she’s got a large frame, and she is definitely a hot blonde. The clothes come off and Stormy gets eaten out by Brendon Miller, with slow strokes of the tongue, as there is no music playing, and you get that high definition modern porn look into what is going on. Stormy gets on top for sex, and Miller has a condom on, she moves in and out with ease, doing a lot of the work up and down, and around, the two having a bit more than mechanical sex, with some kissing to boot. The two go through various positions, and end up doing well here, with Stormy making it seem like she’s really into the sex, including anal at one point. The anal option isn’t bad, but condoms are still in play. Eventually we get a cum shot into Stormy’s mouth, and she sucks Miller offer after the fact, which is always a fun thing to watch and experience. Stormy here is looking more like Janine because of a tattoo that she has around her pubic area and waist, alongside tattoos in other areas. She definitely is an alt girl here, and the sex, while interesting at times, is formulaic with Stormy just playing the role and not truly showcasing the passion that you’d want from a real sexual experience. Sure, it works, sure Miller cums, but he’s not a big guy, and the two work well enough to make the movie work well moving forward, but it’s just lacking something, and I think it’s passion. There are moments where it is really good, don’t get me wrong, and if you’re a fan of Stormy Daniels, you’ll like how she moves her body for this scene, as there are some great points.

After we see this, we go to a bar. At this bar we see Stormy and Asa talking about how someone’s trying to kill Stormy’s character. She says, that her husband has hired someone to kill her, and so here we go, the plot thickens a bit. Asa Akira goes over to the hitman that is sitting at the corner of the bar. Akira starts talking about how she thinks he’s Michael, and said that if he was Michael she was going to have sex with him.

Outside, we see Stormy and a random dude, and unfortunately her car has broken down. She agrees to go with him to a hotel. Meanwhile on the other side of the parking lot is Asa Akira, and she is in all black, talking to the hitman, and making out on a car.

Asa Akira is an asian woman with black hair, slim, and has large breasts, she gets her breasts exposed during the make out session, then Marcus London takes his pants off as she crouches down. It’s dark, but you can see he gets hard right away, and Akira starts to suck him off, going as hard as she can as he groans a bit. Akira continues to do this as the camera gets close and then pulls away, showing off Akira’s skill here. She’s quite enthusiastic overall, and really puts on a show until London cums in her face, and ends the scene. I guess he wasn’t the hitman after all?

The scene resets and we see Celeste, played by Stormy and the real hitman get behind closed doors. There’s a slight fade to black, before we see the guy poor some Woodford Reserve or Gentleman Jack, and the two start to drink. They sip whiskey, neat, and just look to be getting ready to get a little more comfortable. A donnybrook breaks out, and the two start to fight a bit, and there’s some sexual tension, before Celeste gets the better of the dude, and she chokes him out with a painting. After some time, she gives the guy a triangle choke hold before grabbing a vase and shattering it over his head. She knocks the dude out, and leaves him alone in the room.

The scene fades to black and we are taken to another room, this time it’s daylight and there are two people making out.

Kimber Woods has small breasts, black hair, and looks to be having a lot of fun with Michael Vegas. Vegas takes her top off and then starts to use his hands to please her, before taking off her pants and giving her more pleasure. The set here looks like a trailer park, with a green couch, and a random setup. This is an odd turn, but the sex is actually better than the rest of the movie. Vegas has a condom on, and he really goes far with Kimber, including nearly making her squirt at one point. This is the best sex scene in the movie, and by the time Vegas cums, it’s definitely warranted after the work he puts in to make Kimber moan and nearly scream at some point. Kimber is a nice girl, pretty, and wears heels for this, so if you’re a fan, you’ll love the sexual chemistry that Vegas and Kimber bring out together.

After the sex, we see Stormy Daniels show up, and pay off a woman to help with killing off her husband, at least that’s what we seem to be getting here. The scene ends and we see Celeste pointing a gun in the face of her husband. This last scene goes forward with finishing off the plot, and it involves a great deal of dialogue. After some time explaining, Celeste shoots her husband and away we go, the end.

I give “Vendetta” a 3 out of 5.

While I appreciate the cinematography, and attempts at better acting, I can only say that the sex isn’t that good. Stormy Daniels can write, act, ride horses, and make a good modern porno. It’s modern, it has a story that’s somewhat compelling, and it features enough sexual gusto to make it somewhat entertaining for a pornographic movie. Daniels is beautiful, I like her voice too, but in terms of sex, I can’t really recommend this one more than 3 out of 5. There are two stand out scenes in terms of sex, and the rest is story and somewhat mechanical. However, if you’re a fan of Stormy Daniels, and you like to see her in action, then you’ll want to check this one out for sure, it’s modern and it’s high budget.

John Leslie's Night Shift Nurses (1987) Review

John Leslie's Nightshift Nurses

Today, we go back to a topic that is near and dear to my heart. We talk about porno and nurses, and the original elements that made me raise an eyebrow when I was going through puberty. There’s something about nurses and sex, even to this day, and while the uniforms are all different now, I still think fondly of them for various reasons. Today we are going back to 1987, for a movie about some hard working medical staff, and the men they help. This movie is called “Night Shift Nurses” and it’s from 1987. The movie stars Dana Dylan, Lynn Franciss, Joey Silvera, D.J. Cone, Steve Henessey, Keisha, Jose Duval, John Leslie, Siobhan Hunter, Peter North, Bionca, and Lois Ayres. Some of these names you know, and some of them will be new, as they weren’t that famous, but hey, it’s 1987, and the VHS revolution was just gaining steam in the adult video world, so you probably didn’t buy this one, you rented it. Directed by John Leslie, “Night Shift Nurses” is another one of those nurse movies your dad probably hid on betamax.

The beginning of this movie is not pornographic. It shows a janitor mopping a floor, very much like you would expect from a horror movie. The camera is low, and you see a man mopping, and that’s it. There’s nothing sensual, nothing extreme, just a man mopping the floor, and just doing his job. There’s film grain here. There’s a nod to cinematography initially, but the lack of cuts and stationary camera, reminds you that this is not Hollywood, outright. I do appreciate the lighting, shadows, and set design, as this is certainly a hallway set, not just a random warehouse, without ceilings.

The opening sequence takes a turn. The janitor looks into a crack in a door way, and sees a doctor and two nurses. They are Dana Dylan, and Lynn Franciss, and the doctor is none other than Joey Silvera. There’s nothing shaved here, Silvera has full pubic hair, and he’s rock hard to start, but he’s not a big guy, as I may have stated before. We have a contrast in women, both slim, medium sized breasts, equally as pretty, one brunette and one blonde, and they kiss, suck, and make sure that Silvera stays in the moment. Meanwhile, the janitor starts to get hard, and puts his hands down his pants, as the camera juxtaposes manual stimulation, with Silvera and the nurses getting into a threesome behind closed doors. The sex starts with Silvera getting sucked off by one nurse, while he kisses another, and that’s enough gusto to get this movie rolling into what it is, a porno. Silvera here is golden, the women do their roles well, and the sex is swift, the editing is fast, and you really end up seeing both the sex, and the solo act all in the same scene, with a mix between the two. The brunette in this one is great, she rides silvera and seems like a natural against the blonde, but both definitely do work with Silvera. Meanwhile, Steve Henessey is outside the doorway masturbating. The trio have sex in a small room, with blue walls, and odd lighting, and yet it has a sexy quality to it that you cannot deny. There is anal around the 3 minute mark, mind you, so if you’re a fan of anal, there’s a few sequences of that.

Meanwhile the janitor is watching, and a nurse comes up on him to look at what he’s doing. The camera shows a very blonde, tall woman, and she just watches the janitor, and he of course looks into the room. While in doggy, the brunette and the janitor lock eyes, and the two have a moment while Silvera continues to anal. Silvera cums on the brunette’s lower back, and the janitor cums while the nurse keeps watching, and that knocks out two scenes in one edit.

The cool thing for me about this movie is that it’s dubbed in Spanish! Score me! I love when porno comes to me dubbed. The blonde from the hallway talks to an admin and he talks about how his staff needs to be up to snuff. The nurses are all busty, have big 1980s hair. The set here looks like a legit hospital, with admin files, overhead lighting, and shadows that you’d expect, but of course, it’s a set. The head nurse said that there is going to be an inspection later today, and that no one is going to lose their job. There’s a good overall plot point here, and that’s something that you’ll definitely note as something interesting. The movie goes to another room, and it’s the janitor cleaning, meanwhile Joey Silvera shows up to talk to him. Silvera says he just operated on a woman and that she had the biggest prostate ever, and the janitor tells him that only men have that. Silvera then talks about how he’s a detective, and that he is watching for changes, and more. Silvera is so natural here, with his bushy hair and mustache, he just exudes porn acting.

After the meeting in the random room, two nurses talk in the main lobby. They talk about how new uniforms were ordered, and they were on the way. Meanwhile, we end up going back to see the janitor cleaning, and inside a closet, when the head doctor comes in and puts on a lab coat. A woman comes into the doctor’s office, and says she has a headache that won’t go away. This is the 12 minute mark mind you, and the doctor looks at a file. The woman here is mature, made up like the late 1980s sitcom women would be, and has large red hair. The doctor makes some jokes, and tries to see what’s going on with the lady. She’s not having it, though, and she seems annoyed by the doctor’s lax methods. The doctor gets a phone call and says he has to go, but will be right back. The janitor comes out of the closet, and the woman grabs him, and pulls his pants down.

For this scene we see D.J. Cone, a redhead that looks a lot like your standard 1980s sitcom mom, and Steve Henessey, she blows Henessey a little, then seems frustrated when the doctor comes back yelling. The doctor comes in and recommends that we look into getting her temperature rectally, and we see him put a thermometer in her butt. The doctor gets a phone call again and says he will be right back. This time, D.J. Cone is nude, and as the janitor comes out of the closet again, he encounters Cone naked, and once again she pulls his pants down and wants to get action. The funky music starts and Cone gets really horny here, as Henessey just gets blown.

The scene cuts and we go to the lobby, and the doctor is yelling and muttering random bs, before we go back to the sex scene. I don’t know why there are edits of this type, but

Cone has full red pubic hair, and Henessey is big, as he goes in deep on the doctor’s table. The shadows here indicate studio lights from where the camera is facing, into the action. You can tell that this is not a real hospital, but a poorly dressed set. After some pumps, the janitor cums and Cone wipes herself up and then puts the thermometer back in her anus, and that’s it. The doctor returns and he starts to talk about what they can do to help her. She gets dressed, smiles, and we move along to the next scenario.

For the next scene we are back in the locker room. We see 4 nurses, all with big 1980s hair, and Joey Silvera sitting on a blue couch. The women are just talking randomly, and saying that they are not going to go anywhere until the inspectors have come through and gone through their work.

Moving forward, we see the blonde head nurse, and a young woman asking for a young man regarding seeing a young man, named Johnson. She claims that she’s his sister, and that she is a nurse. Harry Johnson, is of course the joke here, and the lady wants to do a good deed. She said she’d wait for up to 5 hours for Harry Johnson to get out of surgery.

The scene changes and we see three nurses laughing and giggling in a hallway. They said that they should give a bath to a random guy, and that he’s a fun dude to hang with. The women come through, and we get into a room where you know it’s a set. There’s a makeshift door, a blue wall with a 2 x 4 cross beam in the background. This is a set, you can tell by the way the shots are setup, and the women come in from an outer hallway. The shadows are cast as though there are studio lights overhead and off screen, while a hard camera and director situate themselves away from the action. Immediately, one of the women takes off her white panties, and we start to move forward to what will be the next sex scene. The women approach Peter North, as he is sleeping, and they all talk about what they should do first. One of them suggests that they use their tongue to wake him up. Bionca, Lynn Franciss, and Sheena Horne are the 3 women here, and they each have small breasts, thin frames, and large 1980s hairspray hair. They are straight out of the 1980s with their style, and all are wearing the white nurses uniforms that all nurses wore back in the proverbial day. There are two blondes and two brunettes getting in on the action, and immediately get Peter North hard. The women leave North asleep, and start to make out, and then do themselves while he is asleep. North has an odd penis here, where it flops up towards him, like he was using a penis pump, and it’s not all the way hard, until he starts to rub it and bring it up straight. There’s a terrible rock soundtrack, and the camera moves in front of him stroking, classic North style. The women get naked at this point. Through the shifting of the women’s positions, we get a threesome that is somewhat slow and steady, with North not wearing a condom, and the women taking turns riding him as he wakes up from his coma. The end comes with a Peter North cum blast on two women, and that’s about it. They dubbed the moaning! That’s when I notice they dubbed the freakin moaning! This scene was fast and simple.

Joey Silvera looks like Kurt Vonnegut by the way!

After the fourway sex scene we see Joey Silvera coming through and talking about how his head hurts. He talks about how he is having a hard time dealing with certain things. He then tells the head nurse that he’s on a mission and can’t seem to find the answers. Then goes to the Johnson sister and she talks to him a little.

We then move to the locker room, or break room, so to speak. It’s where the lockers are, and we see Keisha, a busty brunette with too much makeup, and Jose Duval. Duval is a thin, older looking dude, and he immediately jumps into the scene and takes over saying he is the man that wrestles himself, nude, and starts to take his clothing off in front of Keisha. Keisha is wearing a nurses uniform, is somewhat tall, has natural breasts, and without makeup, wouldn’t look so great. The dude is older, Duval is wearing a black thong, and he starts to wrestle himself. Duval is the luckiest man in porno, because this is too funny to me. He tries to wrestle himself, before Keisha starts to rub herself. This is a low point in the movie, as you see that he wrestles himself, and he says that sometimes he loses himself. Keisha asks him if he has ever wrestled a man, and Duval said that he has never wrestled them, but he would totally wrestle her. Keisha starts to suck the old man off, and he has a hard time taking the bra off of his woman, but she continues to suck Duval in a slow, methodical manner. The old man and the woman do it doggy style, and it’s a lackluster scene with a cum shot that is not that great. Duval does not have a big penis, or anything, and the cum blast is short, before the end shows Keisha sucking him off, and then tells hi m that he is very attractive, and then we move forward. That was beyond the lowest of the low in terms of sex. Duval is hairy, skinny, and while Keisha is good here, she’s not great, and just goes through the motions.

We move along and we see a woman praying with Peter North. There’s a prayer that occurs here, with Siobhan Hunter, a tall, red haired woman that claims she is a nun in an order of certain women. She prays a little with Peter North then begins to suck him off, fully clothed, mind you, until John Leslie walks in on them. The terrible music comes in, and Leslie starts to take off her shirt. We see more of Hunter’s body, and she has long red hair, small breasts, and light skin. The music throws me off, as I try to make sense of the room, which is terribly lit this time, with a two camera model that is just bad as the editing moves through several hard cuts. During this sequences, Leslie goes from behind while Peter North gets blown while John Leslie forces Hunter to bite a condom package open, then the camera slows down for her to start having sex with North, without the condom, mind you. We then see the action, and it’s Leslie with a condom going in anal, while North goes in the other side. You get double penetration here, and the condom is so yellow, and so dark, while the sex continues, and the two men have their way with this woman. The finish shows Leslie taking off his condom, then cumming on her backside while holding the condom in the other hand, while the soft keyboard music plays, and then Leslie walks away. While Leslie goes to another bed, North is finished off, but we don’t see a a cum shot, just a hard cut as he says that the nurses are too much.

There’s a hard cut, and we see the head nurse talking to Joey Silvera as he comes through and says that she has stolen all of their uniforms. So we see the head nurse yelling at Silvera, and saying that the nun stole clothing and what not. We then see Silvera in a bath robe run away, and then ask for Linda to come through and help him. out. The movie shows Silvera talking to a nurse and just talking about adoration, and how he wants her to work with him.

We get a long shot, then into the sex, as Joey Silvera and Bionca have sex on the floor of the hospital. Continuity wise this makes little sense, and why would they have sex on the hard floor in a hospital? For goodness sakes, this has only a couple of positions, and back and forth, with Silvera trying to hang on for a short romp. Silvera is rock hard, and goes into Bionca straight way, with her legs up, and him pushing in with bad kissing. Silvera tries to kiss Bionca at the one hour mark, and it shows that she isn’t into kissing, and it throws me off a little. There is a cum shot, and a random teddy bear, yes a teddy bear in a mop bucket watching them.

After that, we end up going forward to the waiting room, where the nurses are talking to the nun. She said that she is not the inspector, and is just a nun and is waiting for her brother. She says that the women are prostitutes, and that they are nothing short of being sluts. That’s it. We then see Silvera and Bionca cuddling and that’s about it.

The last scene shows the janitor and Lois Ayres. Ayres comes into his work area and just says that he needs to be quiet and do her now. Lois Ayres is the head nurse, she’s very blonde. Ayres and Steve Henessey starts to kiss, and we get a terrible view from above. They are supposed to be in a janitor’s closet, but the makeshift walls are obviously fake, and the scene moves fast into a blow job. Lois Ayres bleach blonde hair and white pale skin allows for contrast with Steve’s dark skin. She blows him and the music intensifies, before they start to get into the sex, which isn’t too good, but hey there’s no condom here. The sex is a quicky at best, and it is heavily edited, so you only get a few pumps before Henessey cums and that’s it. It’s at this point that I think Lois Ayres is wearing a wig. The two have sex, it’s quick, and he cums and it’s not romantic at all, but then again, it doesn’t need to be. The camera barely hits penetration, and the dubbing is just so bad here, that I don’t want to see it. It slows down at the cum shot, but you don’t see it, it just slows down, and we get a hard cut.

The camera zooms in and the music starts to get louder, and we get a hard cut back to the lobby and we realize that it’s Henry Johnson not Harry Johnson, but it doesn’t matter. Silvera comes back and says he found the uniforms and then we see everyone laughing. She comes through and says that the inspection is being done by Edwin Justice, and then Duval comes through and said he’s the man that wrestles himself, and that’s it. He gets carted away, the women and the guys look at one another, and says that they all passed the inspection.

I give “Night Shift Nurses” a 2 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worse nurse themed porno movie that I’ve ever seen, and at the same time, I’m attracted to nurse movies, because I love the uniforms. It’s not a terrible movie, but it’s far from good, a 2 out of 5, as it had a good plot, but other than that, I’ll pass on a repeat viewing. But hey, why not check out "Night Shift Nurses" anyway?

Sperma-Lust (1991) Review

Caroyl Lynn's "Sperma-Lust" from 1991

For this review we are going to 1991. Back to when the cover made you want to rent a movie, and see something sexy. That being said, this movie takes us to a foreign land, to see Carol Lynn, Dirk Braeter, Eric Benson, Corinne Helner, Dietmar Z, Marine Cartier, and Gabriel Pontello in the classic, “Sperma-Lust”. I don’t know anything about this movie, other than it’s a foreign movie, and it has film grain, and looks like a real movie, not just a gonzo flick. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be any good, etc. It’s in a foreign language as well, so I can’t really speak to what they are saying. This movie was directed by Harr S. Morgan, and was distributed by Videorama. It was part of the Carol Lynn Pictures company, and was released in 1991.

We move forward to a scene where Carol Lynn is playing chess with an old man. She is getting thrown out of a home, and then the old man is helping her. We move in and out of different scenes that is in her imagination, and it involves sexual fantasies, and a random dude talking over cum shots, and random moments that are to come. This is an odd introduction of sorts, but the music isn’t half bad. Carol Lynn looks like a sister of Traci Lords, blonde hair, innocent looking face, and natural breasts. She has that European look, slightly open mouth, nice bright eyes, and an innocent look to her that makes this an interesting movie.

As Carol Lynn walks through her home, a random short dude shows up. He looks like Mtv’s Beavis, and brings her a phone. On the phone it’s a dude speaking German, I think. I can’t tell the language, sorry. But she listens to the phone, and then gets instructions, while the due just waits on her. I’m assuming it’s a butler. Carol Lynn sits down, and Dirk Braeter gets to his knees, and we get some soft piano music to start the sex. Carol Lynn is not shaved, and she starts getting oral from Dirk. Dirk has full pubic hair too, and he seems to please Lynn with relative ease. There’s a techno beat that starts, and the two engage in the most robotic of sex, with barely a moan from Lynn, and Dirk looking like he’s just lucky to get some, which makes this first sex scene a bit problematic on several levels. At this point, I start to realize that the set is not bad, the lighting is good, and the film grain makes this movie look more important than it really is. However, I found the sex itself, the pure sex to be boring. I get it, a millionaire is on the phone and wants to listen to the sounds of sex, but it’s mechanical and boring to say the last. There are multiple positions, and the background tapestry is cool, but Lynn’s subtle moaning, and final cum shot on her chest was just not worth price of admission. I got bored, and well, that’s not a good thing for a movie, but I must admit the set design is killer, so there’s that.

We move to another part of the mansion. I can only assume we are in a mansion, because Carol Lynn goes outside for a swim, and it’s still on the property. Lynn swims up towards Eric Benson and a blonde having sex on a diving board. The woman is only credited as “Girl”, but she’s a skinny blonde with medium size breasts, while Carol Lynn comes through with a black one piece swimsuit. Benson gets blown until Lynn comes in and starts to go with the lady and blow him, getting a duel blow job, and the techno music begins again. The scene is outdoors, has an orange tint, and is a little more enthusiastic compared to the previous scene. The girl is not fully lesbian, and it shows, with Carol Lynn forcing some of the movements here and there. Benson goes from position to position easily, he’s fully shaved, and anal looks good, but the women try to make it a little smoother, and it’s just not good. Lynn keeping her bathing suit on is still fascintaing, but the sex is just between Benson and the girl with no credit. After the cum shot, Lynn swims away, and that’s it. The camera shows Lynn going away and going back into her house.

Inside the mansion, Lynn goes and moves a chess piece, and then just looks at a list, and that’s it. It’s fascinating to see how pretty she is in a one piece swimsuit, in a porno that is meant to be far more sexy.

She goes out of a door and there’s a woman there with bondage gear. She hands it over to Lynn and she starts to get dressed. The two women go down to a garden area, and that’s where a woman in red fishnets is getting plowed by a random dude, while two other guys are masturbating. The performers here include, Christina Stevens, Carol Lynn, Corinne Hefner, Dietmar Z., Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson. There’s some techno coming through, and then we see the guys take turns with the woman, going in and out. Only one woman has sex here, and after the guys cum, it turns into a lesbian scene.

After the orgy, out Christian Stevens, a tall blonde, and Carol Lynn start to make out and have sex. The two start to kiss one another, then go into oral, and more. It’s a lesbian sex scene that seems to be more prominent than the other solutions overall. It’s a short scene, and does’nt get too hardcore before Lynn decides to leave.

Going forward, we see two women talking, and after some chess games, in comes in Dirk Braeter again, and this time he gets hard with Christina Stevens. Christina Stevens wears a tight black leather dress, and has big hair, and she pulls it up and lets Dirk get in from the rear. She moans a bit more than Lynn, and the two get started in doggystyle, while standing. The setting here is a real kitchen, with obvious German elements, including glasses, pots and pans, and more. The two go through three different positions, and eventually Dirk cums on Stevens’ pubic hair, and that’s it.

After the kitchen sex, we see Marine Cartier walks into a hallway, and there are two naked guys waiting for her. She’s fully shaved, and she gets on a small tuffet and starts to suck off Dirk Braeter and Eric Benson. She’s passionate here, the music shifts, and it’s not bad. Cartier has black hair, is thin, fully shaved, and has a unique look. Meanwhile, Christina Stevens watches on, and gets heated. The sex is fine, there’s anal, and there’s oral, and out comes Stevens to help too, but before it ended, we get cut to see Stevens talking to Lynn, and then back to the sex. The return sees double penetration, with Marine Cartier getting it in two holes, while Stevens gets in close to watch. This is somewhat slow moving, and just goes forward, if you’re a fan of DP, then you’ll like how this scene turns out, with the juxtaposition of Stevens’ fingernail polish, the two guys going in and out, and the camera staying in the action. Christina Stevens, Marine Cartier, Dirk Braeter, and Eric Benson goes well here. The DP cums ends with cumming in both holes, well outside of the holes and that’s it.

The sex stops for a whlie, and we are sent back to the ktichen where Caroly Lynn and Christina Stevens start to talk and just speak to the past, and the future. They talk lovingly.

After the talking, Dietmar Z. Shows up and he’s naked, and hard. Carol Lynn starts to jack him off a little, and then sucks his cock. She is enthused here, and Z really gets up for it, as Lynn starts to really get into it, then he shoves aside a few things, and the two start to have sex on the table. The dud’s facial hair is epic here, and he’s not big, he’s just wide, and goes all in on Lynn. THis is a short sex scene, finished off by Z cumming on Lynn’s chest, and that’s it. Lynn moans a lot more here, and that’s that. The same kitchen set as before, mind you. After Z cums he leaves, and Stevens comes back to the ktichen to see what is going on, and rubs the cum all over Lynn’s chest.

After these scenes, Lynn is thrown out of the mansion, and runs into Gabriel Pontello. He gives her some sweet talk, and she gets on her hands and knees to blow him. The two stand up, kiss, and Lynn’s top comes down a little, then we see some stand up doggy to end the film, in a short manner. Pontello and Lynn have a short minor sex scene, with a lot of focus on Lynn’s moans and hand as Pontello pounds aay into a finish line that is somewhat less about passion and more about completing the task, and eventually cums, while Lynn furiously masturbates at the same time. SHe moans and nearly screams at one point, and that’s the end, end of the line.

I give “Sperma-Lust” a 2 out of 5.

This is not a great movie. The film grain is good, Lynn is attractive, but the sex overall is just robotic, with the sole exception being the 9 minute ending, which Lynn really gets into because she masturbates at the same time she’s getting pounded, and Pontello keeps pushing until he can’t hold on any longer. The director’s editing sucks, the music is horrible, and the lighting is hit and miss. However, as far as a European sex film, it works, and in a bind, you’ll probably like it.

What’s Butt Got To Do With It (1993) Review

WHat's Butt Got To Do With It (1993) 

Today we are going to be moving back to 1993 for a movie that was directed by Nic Cream, and has some good production value up front. The movie moves fast, and the story is simple, with production quality that is on the tip of the VHS scale. There is no film grain here, it’s comedically bad, but hey it’s 1993 and this is another movie. The movie we are going to review today is, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, and it stars Janet Jacme, Julian St. Jox, Ariel Daye, Tina Tyler, Lyndon Johnson, Ron Jeremy, Persia, Diana Knight, Dave Hardman, and Dick Nasty. These are not exactly all amazing names in the industry, but hey, they are in this movie from 1993, and we are going forward fast.

The movie starts with the credits, then we see a woman at a microphone about to sing. Her producer comes in and says that she’s singing wrong and that she’s stupid. He then goes off screen, and music comes through. We see things stop, and a large breasted blonde woman gets up and goes off screen. Then we see the singer and another woman talk, and the two discuss how the music world is so tough unless you give up something.

There’s a hard cut, and we see random women dancing around, and just shaking it. The sets here are real, the shadows point to that. They are not warehouse sets, this is someone’s apartment or house somewhere in the valley of southern California. The women dance for their producers, I’m assuming, and that’s about it. There is a lot of back and forth between the scenarios, and ultimately we end up with a Arsenio Hall looking dude, and an asian woman. Then there’s a random moment where it’s no longer the asian woman, it’s a short hair blonde. I’m not sure what the director was going for here, but eventually we see what I assume is Janet Jacme and Julian St. Jox having sex. This shifting camera angles and random moments, is just odd to me, but the sex starts and that’s ok. The two go through a few positions, both African Americans, and the lighting is terrible here. We get a couple of positions before Jox cumus, this involves anal at one point, and Janet swallows, and that’s the end of this scene.

After the scene ends, we get sent to a scene where a lady wants to be with her man in bed. He is writing, and he says, leave me alone, I’m trying to write. She tries to engage, and he’s not having it. The scene is very dark, the camera is very close, and shaky, and the lighting is horrendous here.

The camera switches and we are sent to a porn set, with hard lighting coming from the 4th wall, and shadows being cast all over. THere’s a dark green couch, and two brunettes kissing and taking off their dresses, while an African American woman starts to play with herself. This thruway features Ariel Daye, Persia, and Tina Tyler. The scene features oral, scissoring, masturbation, and lots of kissing. It’s slow moving, there’s not a lot of moaning, and it’s kind of boring if you ask me. I think these women may not be bisexual, as the performance leaves a lot to be desired.

We move to an outside scene and two women are talking. Apparently one lady is getting abused, and her man is cheating on her. She said she just needs to do one more album and things will be good. We then move to another scene.

This scene shows Ron Jeremy talking to the record producer, and he says that he wants to record an album with Spike and the Tina Turner impersonator, of sorts. Remember this is a parody of the Tina Turner story. The two argue, and then the producer tells his maid to suck on his friend, Ron Jeremy.

Lynden Johnson is a tall blonde woman with large breasts, and she takes out Ron Jeremy’s member to suck on it and that cues the music. The bass heavy music is horrible, the lighting here is again bad, but the set is a real house. This is not a warehouse set, this is someone’s house, so the lighting is a lot better, and the set dressings are also very good. Jeremy is not as fat as he is now, and he is ready for action as soon as Johnson starts to grab at his penis. Jeremy is killer with the one liners, and here is a good example of what a great performer he has been in the past, and well maybe in the present as well. He gets sucked off well by Johnson, whom I’ve never seen before in movies. “Must be from the virgin islands”, Jeremy quips, as he gets sucked off from Johnson. The sex is fine, she doesn’t moan a lot, and Jeremy spouts one liners as he has sex, and it’s not horrible, but the two lack chemistry, and it shows. Eventually he cuts on her face, and we see the end, and hard cut to a new scene.

We move to a patio party where all the industry insiders are hanging out, and then move to the inside of the house, and it’s our main character and Spike talking about leaving. She’s packing a bag, the outside is just talking, and things are going down on the inside. He says she cant leave and he owns her, and then we get a hard cut to the outside. Outside two women talk about how life is just stuck in a repeating pattern.




We then move to see Persia and Julian St. Jox talking, and while the ebony woman dances, the music kicks in and we get into a new sex scene. This time around it’s not bad, but it lacks that chemistry that you would expect from two people that actually want to have sex. This is a mechanical movement, and Persia is hot, but Julian St. Jox can’t wait to do anal, before he cums, and so you see that rush into sex, and that’s that. It’s not great, it’s not good, and well, it works. This is a warehouse setting, and the lighting sucks again, the music is lackluster, and the film grain just doesn’t work. This is duct taped together for sure.

After the scene, we get to another sequence where the main character wants to leave and she’s ready to go. But out comes two guys from the FBI and they flash their badges and say that our main character needs to come with them. She pleads her case, and she gets on her knees, and starts to get in on the blow job action. Diana Knight here gets into the sex, she blows Dave Hardman and Dick Nasty, and it’s not that good, but hey, she’s doing her job. This is done at someone’s house in a garage somewhere, and it’s lackluster, but it works in a pinch. There’s no DP here, it’s just threesome in the garage, before the film cuts out for me. Maybe there’s a resolution, but by the time I finish this thing, I’m ready for another drink and want to give up on it all.

I give “What’s Butt Got To Do With It” a 1 out of 5.

This is perhaps the worst movie I’ve reviewed thus far. Not even Ron Jeremy’s classic acting could save this picture. It’s horrendous, but hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.

Edward Penishands (1991) Review

Edward Penis Hands (1991) 

We come back to another movie from the 1990s. This time around we are taking a look at the movie that was a parody of a famous movie. You already know what to expect with this one, as they made 3 of them. This movie we are going to be looking into is none other than “Edward Penishands”. That’s right, the parody, and well here we go, this movie stars Alexandra Quinn, Sikki Nixx, Jamie Leigh, Jeanna Fine, Ashley Nicole, Domonique Simone, and Jon Dough. The movie is a direct parody of the Hollywood movie, and has a good overall script, although the movie is not filmed with that film grain, that you expect from other movies, but I guess that doesn’t matter as this is a porno, by the way.

The movie starts with a woman carrying a suit case, walking through a warehouse. SHe’s tall, blonde, wearing a green dress, and is continually saying, Hello. No, it’s not Adele, but it most likely can have some moments of hilarity. If this was Mystery Science Theater 3,000 you know they’d make that reference. This blonde haired woman looks to find who is in the warehouse, and she runs into a recluse. This recluse has penises for hands! That’s right, he has penises, and that’s it. Mr. Penishand asks the woman not to go, and we get into the story.

There’s a trendy soundtrack for the 1990s that comes into play, and we see the blonde take off her clothes. She lets down here hair, and she starts to suck Edward’s hands. I kid you not. He’s in full makeup. This is a jolting movie if you aren’t ready to see what is going on. The makeup job on Edward Penishands is great, and he looks like the Depp character, meanwhile the woman here is blonde, small breasted, and gets into the role. Edward begins with oral sex on the blonde, whom I assume is Alexandra Quinn. She has tan lines, and Edwards goes down on her with his tongue, and using his hands a little. After some time, we see Edward using both hands in both holes, and he’s fully clothed while you watch the penishands do their work. I’m not sure if this is eroticism or not, it’s actually kind of werid, and yet Quinn’s black pumps make it for me, so I guess there’s something to say. The set here is well lit, a warehouse setting with a bed, and that’s not bad. After some foreplay with the hands, Edwards gets his zipper open and Quinn gives him a blow job. Then the two get into doggy style and things get forward progress. The camera angle here is ok at best, and Edward stays clothed in doggy style, trying to hold on with his penishands. Quinn screams and moans and that really turns me on. This scene becomes grotesque, and yet I couldn’t turn away. Quinn’s screaming is what I want in a partner, I’ll say that much. After a couple of positions we see Edward cum through all of his penises, real and prosthetic, and that’s the end of the first major scene.

The scene ends and we end up going forward to another scene, where two women are talking on the phone. We see Quinn bring in Edward to a set that I is definitely in a warehouse studio somewhere. I can tell because of the shadows from the lighting. It becomes obvious that we are seeing this filmed on a sound stage, which isn’t bad, it’s well decorated, it’s just painfully obvious. The movie continues and we hear about Quinn’s daughter, and that Edward can stay and make himself at home.

We get a firm cut, and we are shown another bedroom scenario. This one features two women, Jeanna Fine and Jamie Leigh. Both are average looking women here, no implants, dirty shoes, and just average elements. The set is lit like a studio, and the shadows play to that regard. We see the women masturbate, use toys, and just go for it, with no real story to this, other than they are trying to get off. The two join one another in a bed and use toys then keeps going, and that’s it. The two just enjoy themselves. One brunette and one dirty blonde, both thin, no major large breasts, somewhat shaved, and that’s it.

After the lesbian sex scene, we see Edward looking at his hands, and that’s it. He starts to imagine things, and realize his past. It’s suppose to add a story arc to the movie, but it’s painfully thrown in place.

The movie continues and Edward is introduced to three new women. They are all thin, and they get sent away out of a room. We are left with Jon Dough and Quinn, while the scene fades to black.

Now we are taken to a bathroom where Edward is with two women. Domonique Simone is an African American woman with small breasts, and Ashley Nicole is a dirty blonde haired, thin woman with medium sized breasts as well. The two start to suck on Edwards hands, and he is just looking like it is pleasurable. The full concept here is Edward just playing with the women with his hands and then he cuts with his hands and it shoots out a little, and that’s it. It’s a short scene, and it’s not that fun.

Moving along, we get Ashley Quinn and Jon Dough talking about how sales are down for Quinn’s sex toy elements. Quinn signals Dough that she wants him, and that two start to kiss. The generic porn music comes in, and they begin. Remember, the set here is a warehouse, so the backgrounds are terrible, there’s blue painters tape along a window frame, the walls are way too high, and the interior is just stupid looking. At one point you can tell that there is no ceiling, as the camera goes too high. The sex begins with Quinn taking off her body suit and blowing Jon Dough. He’s not huge, but he gets into it fairly well. Quinn moans a lot, screaming at one point, and making her my new “it” girl to watch. Quinn and Dough go at it on a kitchen table, no condoms, and it’s just straight forward. The two go through two different positions, then Quinn ends up getting summed on in the back, as Dough finishes things off. That’s it. Not a bad scene, but not a great one either.

Next we are taken to a bedroom, in the same warehouse set that you’d expect from a porno sound stage. Here we see Edward trying to play with himself, then cumming, and running we hears that Jeanna Fine is coming through the door.

This fades, and we see Jeanna Fine and Edward meet in a warehouse where Fine finds out that he has penis hands. There’s a soft song that plays, and it’s supposed to be a love song, while Edward squirts cum from his penis hands and Jeanna Fine dances under it. This is beyond stupid, and yet it’s endearing somehow. This is a very young Jeanna Fine, so she doesn’t have enhancements, and is toned nicely, skinny, and has long black hair. As we move forward, we end up seeing the scene fade to black and send the two back to a location in front of a fireplace. There’s a cheesy song playing, and the two here start to kiss and go forward. Fine sucks on the hand penises, then the two start to have sex, but not before a blow job begins. This is not a long scene. Fine does have enhanced breasts as one angle shows, and she rides Edward while he is fully clothed, until he climaxes and that’s the end.

I give “Edward Penishands” a 2 out of 5.

I love Jeanna Fine, I always liked her work, and Quinn’s yelling during sex turned me on. However, the novelty of this movie really wears on me, and it’s not sexy after a while. Fine looks like a Chicago escort that I know, and well, other than that, I don’t really know what to tell ya. It’s not a great movie, it’s not a bad movie, but it’s definitely one to check out if you’re curious. It’s not going to win any awards or anything, but as a novelty sex film, it’s not half bad. I’d watch Jeana Fine read the dictionary, though. She’s hot.