Babewatch 11 (2000) Review

Babewatch 11 - SRC adultdvdempire dot com

Ten sequels later in the year 2000 the Adult film world once again came together to make another Babewatch movie. This original movie series was a parody of the high television show, and had a lot of porn stars in the red swimsuits, on the beach. Well, here we go, the year 2000, and you get a new film with the same premise as the past, only with updated actors, and a more “gonzo” approach. Within a minute and twenty seconds, you get a topless sex scene, and that’s just the starting line, because this is more gonzo than anything else, if you ask me. You’ll have to squeeze a little story through here, because it’s not evident throughout, but that’s’ not why many people watch these things, right?

So, you already know Baywatch the television series, right? Well this is like that, without the plot, without David Hasselhoff, and with more augmented breasts. Well, maybe not that much. The cast of this release includes, Ashley Sage, Jill Kelly, Bridgette Kerkove, Hershel Savage, Julian Rios, Joel Lawrence, and Tease Nightly, amongst others. I’m only familiar with a few of these actors and actresses. The first scene comes through with your standard array of sexual tension, and it’s fine, I’m not familiar with the actors in this one, but it’s definitely a hot scene. However, it isn’t as hot as the second scene, which truly had me going, because it involved two performers that I know for a fact know how to get the “job” done.

I’m talking about Julian Rios and Jill Kelly. I for one love Jill Kelly, especially before she had breast augmentation. She had this “California” surfer look, with blonde hair, and tan lines. I always found her to be amazing, for some odd reason. I have no idea why, it just is something grand. Well, she shows up here and the two end up at a lighthouse, and that’s where this scene begins to take off. The music comes on, the two have a passionate starting point, kissing, and getting ready for the next moments, and well, the two have more chemistry here than they did in “Car Wash Angels 2”. Not only that, Julian doesn’t wear a condom here, so if you wanted to see Jill Kelly take him in all without protection, then this is the movie for you. Kelly does a good job in her performance, exhibiting raw sexuality and performance that is good, and very “in the moment” at times. The scene moves from inside the lighthouse, to the outside, and it’s interesting to see the move. With an outdoor sequence, Kelly and Julian have sex on a balcony overlooking some nice California mountain ranges. Julian looks to be “working” here, concentrating on the whole thing, while Kelly moans a little and goes into work mode. The one thing about reviewing some of these movies is that you can tell if the performer is uncomfortable, or concentrating on what they are doing. There is a “work” to it, and you’ll denote this in the balcony scene of this scene. Julian eventually finishes, and tries to do his best Peter North impression, but it just isn’t happening, this isn’t Peter North, but Jill puts her mouth on things, making the ending to this scene kind of cool. But it definitely went from “hot” to kind of boring. I still love Jill Kelly, though, and Julian always has a knack for good work, so there’s that. It’s robotic a bit, I’ll say that much here.

Hershel Savage and Tina Cheri move this movie along on a boat. But there’s something that surely takes away from this scene. There’s very bad rotoscoping after-effects in the close ups. You can see that there’s a fake background, and I’m not sure why the director and post production crew decided to do that. It really takes away from the scene, which was awful to begin with. This performance was not enthusiastic and the camera is not flattering for Hershel at some points, showing him hunched and with a pot belly at some points. Tina Cheri is ok, but she’s not selling the drama. Mix this with the terrible rotoscoping effects, fake background, and lackluster performances, and you lose it. That hot scene between Jill Kelly and Julian becomes award winning compared to this one, that’s for sure.

If that wasn’t enough, the next scene is all green screen. I kid you not. I thought the Savage scene was bad, but nope, things get worse, as we are taken to another scene with a blonde, not in a bathing suit, supposedly blowing a guy on the beach. It’s not happening. The green screen effect here is perhaps the worst thing I’ve seen since college, and I was going to college from 2003 – 2007. I’m not sure what they were thinking here, but the scene is downright awful. There are places where the visuals drop, the background bleeds into the scene, and the actor is just not getting that hard, and you can tell by the hose like consistency, but god bless this actress for trying her best with two hands and mouth, and eventually getting this thing to be salvageable. The two eventually do it standing up, and it’s just awful, I can’t stop laughing at how bad the green screen effects are here. If you’ve seen this movie, you know what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t, and you want to laugh at porn production, then this scene will do it for you. The budget for this movie must have been shoe string, because this is beyond bad folks. Bridgette Kerkove and Lee Stone made me hate this movie, simple as that. Even the money shot looked bad, with Stone barely up, and just trying to get through the motions. I was going to give up on this, but then there came an interesting turn of events.

After a quick transition, the movie takes you to a bar where a woman strips down and puts on a lifeguard’s swimsuit, and meets 3 guys. That’s when you get a 3 way featuring Tease Nightly, Benjamin Long, and Rod Fontana. The bar is cool, and the overall scene is a bit hardcore, a big difference from what was shown thus far. There’s no real foreplay here, it’s straight to the acts, and while that’s the purpose of porn, I found it a bit unsexy. Hey, it works, don’t get me wrong, but come on, is this all we have come to? Yeah, we kind of have. Not a bad scene, but definitely by the numbers.

The final scene on the edition that I saw featured Ashley Sage, Brooke, and Adam Wilde. This starts outside, and then moves inside after some time. Sage and Brooke are good looking girls, and Adam manages to get hard with ease, and then goes to work with the two. There’s a lot to what you’d expect in this scene, with blow jobs, rimming, lesbian elements, and more. It’s a hot scene, with a blonde and a brunette putting on a show, and really seeming to enjoy the process. Wilde, for his work is manageable, and eventually ends with a money shot with a reverse cow girl sequence. Not half bad if you ask me, and that’s it, Babewatch 11 is over.

I give Babewatch 11 a 2 out of 5.

You can buy Babewatch 11 from a variety of sources, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s a far cry from the original.

Did you see Babewatch 11? If so, drop me a comment below.

New Wave Hookers (1985) Review

New Wave Hookers (1985) Re-Release Edition Cover

Well, now here’s a very popular movie that you may already have seen, or haven’t seen, I don’t know what the person reading this will think. However, if you are going to consider the most famous of adult movies, and you do not consider “New Wave Hookers” as one of them, then you’re truly missing out on something grand. This is one of the most controversial movies ever put to hardcore cinema, and the way it is shot, I can truly say that this was meant to be seen in movie theaters. You truly needed to be sitting in a red cloth cushioned seat, and your feet stuck to the ground with bubble gum, soda stains, and cum from the previous patron of the theater that you’re in. This is a movie that changed the industry in some ways, and it brought to light Ginger Lynn and Traci Lords once again. It’s a film, that has been written about by a lot of people, and has been released not once, but twice overall. In fact, you are going to wonder why you don’t have this in your collection, and honestly, I thought about that myself when I first saw this. This spawned a lot of sequels, all of which I will be reviewing, but to start things off, we are going back to 1985 to see what is going on with the original edit of “New Wave Hookers”, because that’s the one everyone wants, and that’s the one I picked up while I was in Europe. You cannot buy the original edit in the United States, but the only major thing that is different is that Traci Lords is NOT in the edited version. She plays the devil, and boy, oh boy, you’re going to love it if you’re a fan. If not, then you are not going to miss much, as the editing is quite good overall. For this review, I’m going to be talking about the original version first, then the edited version second, which isn’t too far and away different.

The story of “New Wave Hookers” is one of great fantasy. Two friends are watching porn and fall asleep. In their dreams, they dream of being pimps and having women as part of their service, and they are all attracted to New Wave Music, becoming aroused and wanting to get some. That is the premise of the movie, and the music was done by The Plugz and The Sockets. The soundtrack to this porno movie is epic in my opinion, and it’s something that is just grand. When this movie came out it premiered in Los Angeles, and it was in front of the world-famous Pussycat Theater, a theater that I got to visit a few times before it was turned into an arthouse cinema place. Of course, I’m talking about the one that was in Santa Monica, but is now just playing art and smaller indie films, if it’s even still there.

New Wave Hookers (1985) Tracy/Traci Lords Edition Poster

The cast of this movie will no doubt bring about a lot of memories for people, and includes Brooke Fields, Desiree Lane, Gina Carrera, Ginger Lynn, Greg Rome, Jack Baker, Jamie Gillis, Kimberly Carson, Kristara Barrington, Peter North, Rick Cassidy, Steve Powers, Steve Drake, and of course Tom “Freakin” Byron. Oh, one last thing, the original edit had Traci Lords playing the devil, and masturbating in red lingerie. This was edited out completely for the re-release in 1986 after the supreme court ruling on her film work. The fifth scene is also removed which featured Traci Lords and Rick Cassidy. The updated version is only 75 minutes long, but the original had a little longer of a run time.

The movie takes some time to set up. It’s not a fast movie at all. In fact, you’re going to find that it’s a little slow, and why not? This was meant to be seen in a movie theater. It feels that way throughout the movie, and I love that about some of the movies I’ve been reviewing thus far. I write that line, but honestly, within 12 minutes, there’s a sex scene, so maybe I’m just romanticizing the movie’s pacing. The first major scene is an odd one, as 3 guys are involve, but only one of them is having sex at first, before a Debbie Harry looking woman gives one guy a blow job while another does doggy, and another masturbates to it all. This is a punk rock, anarchy scene with New Wave Music, and truly speaks to the era, it’s fascinating to say the least. Although, it’s not very “sexy”.

In another scene, we get a young, and I say young looking Peter North pounding away. But after seeing a few movies where he’s a star, it’s interesting to see that he’s not that into it at times. In this movie he’s ok, he’s doing his thing, but he doesn’t seem to be that into it, or perhaps the chemistry is not really there. He seems to literally be “working”, which always throws me off a little. Don’t get me wrong, he is performing, and there is a sensuality to his work in this movie, but it’s obvious that he’s concentrating, and really in “work” mode, more than having fun. At least that’s what I get from this movie, and some of his other work, and perhaps that’s why he is in so many movies, because he is a professional, which is fine.

If you’re a fan of Ginger Lynn, then you’ll love her makeup and her performance here. She enters into the frame after some time and goes fully into her scene with double penetration. The DP element in this is sexy, and raw, and Ginger looks to be absolutely having fun, while the two guys seem to be enjoying the process as well. The editing and lighting here is good, with visuals that let you see everything, although there is a few funny shots of balls hanging around. Ginger has a way of making the scene look sexy, and not “raunchy” and it’s a true fantasy that I loved from this film. She has something grand in this scene where she’s wearing yellow heels, and I’m just impressed, and a little turned on.

New Wave Hookers (1985) Tracy/Traci Lords Edition Poster

The next scene is somewhat forgettable, featuring a new comer to the porn arena for me, I didn’t recognize her, but the two main characters get to share her in their pimp office. I kid you not, it’s a pimp office. It’s not a bad scene, but I had the feeling that the movie really was trying to have some filler because after this one, on the original edit, you’d get the scene that would be deleted, and that is featuring Traci Lords and Rick Cassidy. Don’t get me wrong, the foursome that occurs before that features some good overall sex, but it just isn’t as good, but it still features some punk, ethos. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I mean, as there’s a “punk” element of editing to the movie, and eventual money shot across a lot of hair. This is not a joke. Although, in a weird sequence, the three guys wipe the cum all over the woman’s face, and she seems to have loved it. I don’t know, it’s a performance, right? I guess so.

For those that have the original edit of this video, you either bought it when it was first released, saw it in theaters and pirated it, or you bought it in Europe, Japan, or other countries. It is not available in the United States, at least not at retail. Maybe at auction? Traci Lords has another porn scene, and if you’re a fan of hers, then you will most likely enjoy this one. She is dressed as the devil, and Rick Cassidy takes time to rim quite a bit, alongside other oral elements. This is a scene that really is a textbook on how to treat a lover if you ask me, which you didn’t. Give her pleasure, forget yourself, and she’ll return. Lords does turn things around, with long black boots, amidst fog, a white bed, and her trademark hair and screams. This is not a marathon scene mind you, and the transitions are changed, so you see missionary to other positions, to doggy style without the in between. Rick goes all the way in here, and just continues until he’s 100% done and the money shot is on Lords’ back and that’s it. This is not a long scene, mind you, but when it is cut, it definitely has a missing element. The edited version is still good, but it definitely is missing this scene after the fact, and you’ll only know if you saw the original like I did.

New Wave Hookers (1985) Re-Release Edition Back Cover

The end sequences that come after the hour mark has some artistic merit. The guys run into another room, and as they go there, there’s a merry-go-round of 3 women spinning, with red, and black. They are dressed in torn up shirts, and heels, and the guys come in and enjoy the ending of this movie which is nothing sort of a sexual spin. It’s an artistic way of having an orgy, no doubt, but the lighting and dare I say, the amount of pubic hair may turn you off. This ends and our two heroes get up from their slumber, only to move forward to one last escapade, in the real world. This time featuring Ginger Lynn, and it’s not half bad. The film ends with one guy going outside and driving around, eventually meeting the girl of his dreams, a hooker, and that’s it.

“New Wave Hookers” is one of those classic movies that collectors have in their homes. It was originally on the big screen, and it featured Traci Lords. After her movies were thrown out, Ginger Lynn became the cover girl, and you know what? Lords isn’t that missed if you ask me. Lynn has one hell of a scene, and her makeup and heels are on point, as well as the way she moves, and makes things look so alluring. This is a movie that features some great new wave music, and some hot scenes, although the premise is in fact funny. It’s a serviceable porn movie, no doubt, and one that you may want to pick up.

I give “New Wave Hookers” a 3 out of 5 for the original, and a 3 out of 5 for the edited version.

You can buy “New Wave Hookers” in a lot of venues like here, and it’s not a terrible movie to watch. I’ve seen far worse. It’s got a nice plot, has some great music, and Ginger Lynn makes it worth your time.

Did you see “New Wave Hookers”? Let me know in the comments below.

Janines Got Male (2005) Review

Janine's Got Male (2005) - src adultdvdempire dot com

I first discovered Janine when I was watching the “Adam and Eve” channel on cable. As I got older, I realized that she was a woman that only did lesbian sex scenes for porn. Then she got into the mainstream. She was the cover girl of the Blink 182 “Enema of the State” record. I fell in love. She looked amazing on the cover, and I had the ultimate fantasy of meeting her, and just talking to her about her work, tattoos, and more. Of course, it’d be great to be a lover, but that’s out of the cards, and it will never happen. Regardless of that point, Janine has been famous for not doing men on film, even though she’s been in the business for some time. Well, after a hiatus, she decided to come back to the porn industry, and she was cast in a series of movies where she was working with top male talent. One of the releases was none other than “Janine’s Got Male” from 2005. Even though I ran into a Janine picture called “The Naked Truth” from 1995, in which she has a threesome with Peter North. In that edit, however, she does not engage North, but sticks to her female costar. You also see her without her tattoos, which is quite the shocker. Fascinating.

The movie starts out with Janine dancing on stage, and then talking about her career. She discusses her favorite all girl scenes, and what has made her decide to come back to the industry and start working with male talent. If you haven’t ever seen her work with men, this is one of the premier movies that you’re going to see her in. The movie, for the most part is a gonzo porno, mind you. It’s not plot driven like other movies that she’s been in, and it’s definitely not something that I’m a big fan of, except for the fact that it’s in fact Janine, and well, sometimes that takes precedent.

The movie features Janine with both men and women, but don’t think you’re going to get double penetration or anything too extreme. Even though she starts her showcase talking to a couple of veterans of the industry, and then immediately jumps into a 3 way. The threesome is good, but you can tell that her chemistry with Evan Stone is the true measure of this scene. Evan Stone wears a flesh colored condom so you can barely tell that he has one on. At one point he plays with Janine’s butt, and sticks the head of his penis into it, and you think this is going to get into anal territory, but it doesn’t, which may disappoint some, but it’s one of the coveted hold outs of porno up to this point. At one point the cameras shifts to a point where you may think you’re going to get a double penetration moment, but Stone stops himself, and walks out of frame. Evan Stone must be well trusted by Janine because twice in this opening scene he puts his penis in her butt and to stop him from doing that she puts her hand in it. It’s a moment in porno history that you may not realize is happening, but it is. The two have amazing chemistry and eventually the scene moves to just Stone and Janine, and the second guy kind of moves out of camera for a good portion of it. The sexual chemistry between Janine and Evan Stone makes the threesome turn into a single, boy and girl scene, and it’s truly one of the best scenes I’ve seen in porn. They seem to be good friends, loving every minute of working together, and that’s always great for the fantasy. Once the scene is done, Janine talks about how she liked it, and you already know what she’s going to say, she has a smile on her face.

From there, you end up in another scene, with a different actress and actor. Kimberly Kane and Nick Manning go forward to a boy and girl scene, and that’s it. It’s nothing crazy, just straight forward sex. It’s filler, honestly, as it doesn’t really seem to be something that I’d be too interested in considering the title’s name. It’s a good scene, but it’s not that going to be your main focus, no doubt.

After the filler, Janine returns to have a threesome with Tawny Roberts and Rick Patrick. This has a mix of lesbian sex, and full on male sex, but it’s edited kind of rough, and there’s a focus on masturbation and of course Tawny Roberts more than Janine at times. This also seems like filler, but not as bad as the second scene, that’s for sure.

Next up, you are going to see Monique Alexander and Shy Love do a girl and girl scene. This is also filler on this release, and while I don’t mind it, it’s not what you are hoping for when you are watching a video called “Janine’s Got Male”, right? Well this suffices to fill in the gaps of Janine talking to the camera documentary style, in interview form, and that’s about it.

The final scene is one of the scenes that you probably see a lot on free tube sites. It’s Evan Stone and Janine going at it once again, this time solo in a wooden barn type area. Stone and Janine have some incredible chemistry, and this shows, including moments where he once again tries to stick his penis into her butt, and she pushes him away, but allows him to go as fast as he can, plowing through as if they are never going to see each other again. There’s a full amount of attention paid to foreplay here, as well as sex in several positions. Stone has a lot of stamina, and control, which is great, and Janine looks great from all angles here. This is definitely a great ending to the larger loosely plotted movie about Janine finally getting it on with male talent. This scene is hardcore, and it truly is something for Janine fans that wanted to see her perform with male porn stars. I’m fascinated, no doubt, but with the filler content, I’m not sure I’d give this a great review. The music, the documentary style, the editing, and some of the transitions are interesting. There’s a few transitional elements that are odd, especially when Evan Stone succeeds in sticking his penis into her butt hole. That editing element, skips the sequence a few minutes if not a complete stop and re-start. It’s jarring, but if you’re already hard, then what does it matter?

Since this movie’s release, Janine has been in a lot of different scenes, and movies. But this remains one of the earliest examples of her boy and girl work. Threesomes, and solo work, this is a piece of history that you are not going to want to miss, if you’re a fan of Janine. If not, then I suggest picking up the stellar Blink 182 album “Enema of the State” as she’s on the cover in a nurse’s outfit looking great. I think I love her most in those pictures, more than this movie. I’m weird.

I give “Janine’s Got Male” 4 out of 5 stars.

You can purchase or stream “Janine’s Got Male” from various sources. It’s a solid film with Janine enjoying herself at the start and end of the film. The rest, is just filler if you ask me. Janine fans have to watch this, though.

Did you see “Janine’s Got Male”? If so, drop me a line in the comments below.

Backside To The Future (1986) Review

Backside To The Future (1986) VHS Cover 

With the popularity of the “Back To The Future” movies, you know that the porn industry was going to make a parody. Well, they did it twice, and while this is loosely based on the film, it certainly caught my eye, and therefore I will be reviewing these two movies, starting with the 1986 release of “Backside To The Future” starring Randy West, with a mustache! Of course, Paul Thomas is involved, Tami White, Sharon Mitchell, Stacy Donavan, Candi Evans, and Francois Papillon. This movie, if you can call it that, is a clear indicator of how VHS took over the adult movie world. Jumping from my review of “Tapestry of Passion”, which was filmed in 1976, to a decade later is astonishing. “Backside To The Future” has a shoestring budget, with a cool title, and interesting idea, but is mostly just a generic, generalized, and homogenized version of the blockbuster. It is funny at first glance, and becomes even more funny when you end up watching the “non-sex” version via Youtube and other sources. Heck, the only real resemblance that this movie has to the popular movie series is that there’s a DeLorean that shows up within the first 5 minutes. I kid you not, that’s the big draw to the original movie.

If I’m going to mention sets, I’m going to talk about the ludicrous set piece that was placed on the DeLorean itself. You already know about the flux capacitor, and what is in the original Michael J. Fox movie. But forget that. Remember the old “bunny ear” antennas? Well they place one on top of the car, and pretend that it’s the driving force of the time travel element! It’s laughable, beyond belief. The cutaway, and transitions of this movie really make you laugh, and the idea of time travel is just, well, laughable as well. I don’t fault them, this is a porno after all, but it’s just hilarious to try and suspend disbelief. I’m sure most people just fast forwarded the initial 10 or so minutes to get into the sex, but for the sake of this review, I didn’t. You have to wait about 10 or so minutes before you got any sex, and you’re treated to a romp of lesbian sex that is quite wild. But the set pieces, oh man, if you watch this, pay attention to the backgrounds, and the set pieces, there are some cleverly placed elements in this set. Oh, and this sex scene itself is dramatic, and the throws of passion are extreme, over-acted, or perhaps sincere, I don’t know, it’s hard to tell but it’s over the top and well worth your time, if you’re into girl on girl scenes.

The plot moves fast, as you’d expect from these movies, and you’re sent right into boy girl sex. Thus far, the sex I’ve managed to review on this site has been somewhat interesting, and a bit raw at times. This time around, the sex is a bit boring. The visual design that the Zane Brothers put together is more porn than story, and that’s not bad, but it’s a definitive change from the other movies I’ve reviewed. It works for what it is supposed to work for, it’s porn, and feels a lot like a gonzo type production. The editing, core sexual elements are just not fun to watch, even though there are a few key fun positions, and interesting moments. There’s no condom use, mind you, but that’s expected from the 1980s, right?

Backside To The Future (1986) Back Cover

If there’s a great scene in this movie, it’s Randy West’s performance, as he has always been a good performer in these movies. I recall that Asia Carrera once talked about how he was just a good performer and didn’t have the biggest penis, but it made her cum a lot more than some of the bigger guys in the business. He puts it down well enough, and the scene works well enough, making it the most memorable that I recall from this movie.

The movie progresses through boy and girl scenes, and then an orgy that features Sharon Mitchell, with either a wig on or long hair. Either way, it’s standard overall. It’s not memorable, and it’s grainy to book. The camera roams around a great deal of the time, and by the time you get to the final moments of this movie, you have thrown out the script and forgotten that there is even a plot, even if it is razor thin. I couldn’t believe how this movie kind of just shoves sex into the mix, instead of trying to present the story, but then again, what am I reviewing? What am I looking for? I’m an idiot, right? This is a paint by numbers type of gonzo, plot-thin porno movie. The music is kind of cool though. I know, I’m reaching.

Speaking of plots, I guess I should try to tell you what’s going on. The focus of the movie is simple, a woman discovers that the car her husband has created can time travel, she decides to get into it and ends up in 1967. There she meets with men and women that she hooks up with, all of which are familiar in some way. That’s because she’s having sex with her young self, her parents, and friends.

I know this goes without saying, but do not look for logic in this movie. I don’t know if you are reading this and are trying to come to terms with plot and sequencing with porno, but don’t. Don’t think of the plot, throw it out the window, and just watch the sex, which is what everyone is doing anyway, right? Don’t ask questions, just watch the sex, which can be a bit stale, and boring. The grainy footage, and gonzo style may have worked for the Zane Brothers, but in 2017, this is just bad, simple as that. A bad sex movie, with a clever title, I’m sure it sold or was rented well. You're probably going to have more fun with the "Back To The Future" Trilogy on Blu Ray, to be honest.

I give “Backside To The Future” a 2 out of 5.

You can find “Backside To The Future” around the internet, or you can track down a double DVD, or VHS. It’s grainy, and somewhat awful, but hey, it’s worth it for those wanting to watch historical porn parodies.

Did you see “Backside To The Future”? If so, drop me a line in the comments below.

Tapestry of Passion (1976) Review

Tapestry of Passion (1976) Original Poster

And so we return to the 1970s. The golden era of porn, and today’s review looks at “Tapestry of Passion” from 1976. The first time I got a chance to see this was on an old VHS tape that I found at a video store in Santa Monica. They sold rare wrestling tapes, porn, and non-porn wrestling videos where muscular women wrestled naked men. It didn’t have sex, it was just about wrestling. I guess it’s some sort of fetish. That video store is long gone at this point. “Tapestry of Passion” came out long ago, and it shows. The clothing, the hairstyles, the streets, and a lot of the visual design screams 1970s. However, the film grain looks like a movie that was made for Hollywood, not porn. The first few minutes especially, set up a juxtaposition of art, rather than just throw sex at you. If you didn’t know anything about this movie, or the name, you wouldn’t even realize that it was a porno, until the first real sexual scene, starring one of the most famous individuals in pornography, ever, John Holmes.

Now, if you have seen John Holmes before, you may have remembered him with a mustache and curly hair. Since this was made in 1976, and it was one of the earlier movies that he made, he doesn’t have that signature mustache. He looks very young, tall, and not weathered at all. This must be a movie that was made before he had drug problems. He doesn’t act well, but he goes through the sexual motions that you’d expect, a little lazy, and definitely all of 13 inches long and with a big of girth, impressive for the time, even today, honestly.

“Tapestry of Passion” stars John Holmes, of course, but has a set of good looking women as well. The cast includes, Sharon Thorpe, Lesllie Bovee, Annette Haven, Desiree West, John Leslie, and Mick Jones. It was directed by Alan Colberg, and was produced by the creator of the Wadd character, Bob Chinn. This is filmed, produced, and scored like a Hollywood movie, and it shows. The editing, and some of the way the camera moves, and transitions are like a grindhouse film at times, but with a new remastered version on DVD, this looks even better than I remember.

“Tapestry of Passion” has some interesting sexual scenes. My favorite is the one where the main villain, a dominatrix has a very interesting sexual encounter with a client. The set is cool, and the fantasy of being able to get into a dungeon of this type and actually have a woman perform like this is astounding. I mention that because I’ve been in places like this, and trust me, they do not offer the types of services that you see in this movie. When this villain starts to hurt the main, including biting his penis, he is thrown for a loop, eventually dying in the progress of her movements. It’s an odd, sexually explicit scene, that is just cool acting for me. It’s just porn gold, if you ask me. I don’t know what else to say about it, it’s a favorite sequence of mine. It’s the one thing I’ll remember about this movie, for sure.

Since this is filmed for the big screen, the movie has a lot of transitional elements. There are transitions that feature John walking through the streets, interviewing people, like a real detective. That breaks things up a bit, before sending you into another sex scene. John has the majority of sex in this movie, with a few beautiful, natural women. Their bodies are lean, and he is far larger than you’d think, and when he goes in for the deep push, you get a sense of just how big he was. The women seem to enjoy it, with a lot of passionate movements, and they all take him in as far as he can get in. If you’re a fan of John Holmes, or perhaps are curious about how big his penis was, the remastered version of this movie certainly shows him in his prime, large, and in charge throughout the movie.

Holmes seems to go through the motions, knowing that he has a large penis, and just going through an easy movement through each scene. The women do a lot of the work, but he does offer some sensuality to the mix. Sharon Thorpe and John Leslie put on a good show. Leslie Bovee’s scene with John Holmes definitely got the blood flowing, and the blow job that Desiree West gives Holmes is stunning. She is a beautiful actress, and really had me going when I saw this recently. What a beauty! Holmes has sex in 5 scenes in this movie, and each one is ok at best. The story moves forward fast, as you’d expect, with snippets breaking up the 7 total sex scenes, and the plot ends with Wadd getting his man.

“Tapestry of Passion” is a real porno movie. It is meant to be seen in a movie theater. It looks great on DVD, remastered, and well worth considering. However, you’re going to find that this just feels like a “movie” that needs a bigger screen, not at home. But then again, you can’t really pleasure yourself in public, so perhaps this works well overall. I liked it enough, and am curious to see other Johnny Wadd pictures, but it really isn’t that sexy. It didn’t get me hard, so to speak. I’m a fan of Holmes here, and it’s an interesting juxtaposition to “Boogie Nights” and the notion of large penises in porn. Other than that, meh, it’s not that sexy. At least not for me, at this point in my years. It gets good points for visual design, set design, and a young john Holmes. And extra points for Desiree West’s scene, which is a lovely sensual romp.

I give “Tapestry of Passion” a 3 out of 5.

You can purchase “Tapestry of Passion” via remastered DVD by clicking here. Check it out, it’s quite the little detective porno.

Did you see “Tapestry of Passion”? If so, drop me a line, and let me know what you think.

Car Wash Angels (1996) Review

Car Wash Angels (1996) - Foreign Cover

Jim Holliday put out a movie series that I absolutely fell in love with as a teenager, and young adult. There was something raw about this one, and even though I first saw it on the Spice Network, without all of the penetration, I was absolutely impressed with it. Why? Well, the beginning of the movie lines up all of the women that star in this movie, in regular make up, and dresses. None are wearing underwear, and they are lit in regular lighting, nothing too extreme. Then you are introduced to the rest of the characters, including the male talent. T.T. Boy and Joey Silvera are two of the most famous here. Of course, it’s the all-star lineup of women that really get me every time. This includes some of the best female talent from the 1990s. For me, however, it’s really Jill Kelly that always had me fascinated in this movie. Jill Kelly didn’t always have breast implants, mind you, she had this smooth, California skin, and blonde hair that really attracted me at a young age. More than the other actresses in this movie, Jill Kelly had me glued to the television screen. Like with other movies on this site, I didn’t see the hardcore edition of “Car Wash Angels” until recently. This movie is fascinating to me, in that it’s got a paper-thin story, and well, a lot of sex, as you’d expect. But there’s more to this than meets the eye, especially 3 or 4 minutes into the movie, where you’re thrown into a dueling blow job scene. Of course, this is just the beginning as there are more than 2 hours of movie to get through in this Jim Holliday classic. Well, I don’t know if it’s a classic, but Jim Holliday’s name is attached, so you know it’s got some longevity.

As I said, this has an all-star cast. The women featured in this movie include Tammi Ann, Juli Ashton, Bionca, Crystal Breeze, Careena Collins, Sindee Coxx, Sid Deuce, Emily, Paisley Hunter, Kylie Ireland, Jill Kelly, Shayla LaVeaux, Jordan Lee, Micky Lynn, and Sydney St. James. In the director’s cut version, there are 20 some odd scenes, but if you get the original VHS or DVD it seems like there’s less. Some of the scenes aren’t drawn out like other gonzo porn releases, which is worth noting. In fact, one of the opening scenes featuring Jake Steed and Peter North doesn’t even go full length, it goes from a dueling blow job to double penetration without much romance. I guess that’s what some psychologist want to state is a “male dominated” fantasy land. A casual sex element that is not romantic, but rather animalistic, and dare I say misogynistic.

After the initial sexual romp, you get an interesting note on the setting. The setting, which is a throwback to another movie I saw, but can’t put a finger on states: Burton Allen Institute of Nursing, Cheerleading, Air Hostessing, Radio-TV, Erotic Feature Dancing, Exotic Striptease, Ecdysiasm, Super Runway Modeling, Culinary Arts, Escort Servicing, and Car Wash Management, etc. This sign is the introduction to the setting, and the reason why the story seems to be a mix of gonzo type pornography, and plot points that dive into the golden age of porn. There are moments where you’re in a class room, and an office, then a car getting washed, and even inside the car wash building itself. It’s like a school, but of course it’s not, it’s a porno, right? Right.

Car Wash Angels Foreign VHS Cover (1996)

Moving right along, you’re going to find that “Car Wash Angels” has a lot of straight forward sex, mostly with random men and women, blondes, and with little introduction to the scenarios, just simple transitions with Joey Silvera talking to the ladies, or having a meeting, or making some jokes, and then right into the sex. Lots of duos occur, then cut to all the women in class with Jim Holliday, and then some stellar work by none other than T.T. Boy. If there’s a favorite scene here, it’s 43 minutes into the feature, where T.T. Boy goes on a rampage. He not only gets with Jill Kelly, he gets with nearly every woman in the movie! I kid you not. I’m not sure if there were multiple takes for this scene, or if he just went through each woman in one take, but he went on to have torrid sex with Jill Kelly, Kylie Ireland, and the whole crew. He goes through every position you’d expect, and without a condom in sight. He has a real connection with Jill Kelly, although he doesn’t finish with her here, he just goes around the dorm room to each woman and gets it on, meanwhile others are involved in masturbation and oral sex with one another. T.T. Boy’s scene here is not only a championship scene if you ask me, it’s one that I don’t know how to really compare, as he really lasts a long time, does so passionately, and doesn’t bust too early though he basically gets through several women with relative ease. It’s here that the true fantasy of this movie really strikes you. Towards the end of the scene, after having sex with several women, he finally ends things with anal, and this was far before Viagra was the norm in movies. The dorm room setting, or hostel looking studio session works well here, with all of the Angels cheering him on before he finally cums. This was a fascinating scene, and can only applaud the performance, assuming it was done in one take. If not, still, what a fun ride for this guy and the “angels”. According to other reviews, he cums 4 times in the course of having sex with 7 women, so good for him.

“Car Wash Angels” keeps progressing with the skin, allowing you to get a few short clips including a blow job, foot job, and T.T. Boy once again enjoying some time with Jill Kelly, only this time in a car. Then you’re treated to lesbian sequences, and Joey Silvera’s pot belly and semi-shaved erection with two women. He’s a legend, so he gets a pass on the physique, and at least he didn’t let himself go like say, Ron Jeremy did. He’s funny, seriously. He does comedy in this movie and he can act well, even though it becomes apparent that he doesn’t last nearly as long as he may have in other movies. There’s one point where he obviously loses his erection and has to try and get back up while two women wait for him. This was awkward to watch, and only those that know what truly is going on will notice. Why Holliday left this in the film, is beyond me, but it works as he seems to get a second wind and then masturbates to completion. Of course, the movie progresses into another sequence, and continual pornographic leanings.

Perhaps one of the funniest things I’ve seen in reviewing porn thus far is a dual scene at one point in which T.T. Boy and a long-haired rocker have their way with a brunette. I’ve never seen this before, but the long-haired rocker punches the woman in the butt, several times. He slaps her butt, but he also punches the crack, while she’s wearing jeans. The two get really turned on and he eventually rips the jeans off of her and we’re off to the races. This leads to a rim job, and double penetration, amidst other things. This scene seemed out of place, but watching the two guys rip jeans off of a woman and watching her reaction of bliss was definitely worth checking out “Car Wash Angels” for sure. It is perhaps one of the best threesome I’ve seen in adult movie reviewing thus far. Oh, and the long hair rocker in this scene, Tom Byron! Careena Collins, Tom Byron and T.T. Boy get one hell of a scene going here, but that punching is just odd to me. She squirts really well at one point, and then licks it off the table they are having sex on, which is raw. Collins is seriously into this scene, and Byron and T.T. Boy know what they are doing, and are genuinely into this one. This scene alone is worth it all folks.

Car Wash Angels DVD Cover

The movie ends with a pair of scenes, one that is a 4-way lesbian scene that is what you’d expect, and then the finale, Shayla LaVeaux and Bobby Vitale, before Joey ends the movie, and leaves a small opening for the sequel. 23 total scenes according to the Internet Adult Film Database, and not half bad. They are shortened, and the running time is long, but the sex isn’t always full, if that makes sense.

The story is nonsensical. The settings are a mix of sets and outdoors. The lighting is hit or miss, and the direction isn’t great. But there is passion involved in some of the scenes, including the way that some of the women react to their male and female partners. The squirting scenes, the multiple woman orgy, and of course the three some with Collins, Byron, and Boy make this one well worth exploring. For me, however, it’s Jill Kelly that gets me going each time. That’s why I would come back to this one, more than anything else, I like Jill Kelly before she got implants, as she just seemed like a girl I went to school with in college. I don’t know, I’d love to meet her, but that’s the fan in me.

“Car Wash Angels” led to sequels. This 1990s porno is hit or miss, depending on what you want. It feels like gonzo at times, but it has a story. Holliday does well in production, and the sex is edited at times, cut short, and involves a lot of stop and go. I’m not sure that this is a classic, but since I remember it from the Spice Network, I enjoyed watching the hardcore version for once. The music sucks, by the way, but you don’t watch porn for the music, do you? Well sometimes.

I give “Car Wash Angels” a 3 out of 5.

You can buy “Car Wash Angels” via a lot of outlets, and even stream it on VOD for a small price. If I were to do so, I’d pick the Jill Kelly scenes, and the three some with Collins. Other than that, this has some good moments to consider, but it’s not as good as it once was.

Did you see “Car Wash Angels”, did you like it? Drop me a comment below.

The Devil In Miss Jones (1973) Review

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Mobster’s Wife (1997) Review

Mobster's Wife Cover - Directed by Paul Thomas (1997)

The shining light of this movie has to be Vince Voyeur’s portrayal of your typical east coast mafia gang member. He does a great accent, well, as far as adult video can really be. This movie seems to have been shot on film, because the quality of the sets, the costuming, and the visuals are top tier. This doesn’t feel grainy, even after all of these years. It really feels like a “movie” with few exceptions, as there are some points where the lighting really drops out, and perhaps it’s because of the location that they are filming at overall. The movie stars a variety of 1990s professional men and women. It includes Tony Tedeschi, Mr. Marcus, Alexandra Silk, Lexus Locklear, Stephanie Swift, Shay Sweet, Katie Gold, and others. “Mobster’s Wife” from 1997 is a sleeper hit, in my opinion. I don’t know what the sales numbers were, but it’s one of the most memorable of porno films that I recall, even though I didn’t see this hardcore until this past week. I admit, I had a huge crush on Stephanie Swift, so that’s why I had to revisit this one as a mature, adult.

I originally found about “Mobster’s Wife” when it was showing as part of the Spice Network. I rented a 4-hour block, which I believe was only about 5 bucks back then. The 4-hour block included this movie, and possibly a couple of others, with a few trailers mixed in. Now, when I saw this movie back in the late 1990s, it didn’t have any penetration, no money shots, and a lot of facial expressions and things blocking all the action. As I stated before, I believe this was an editing and film making trick. According to Ron Jeremy’s book, they would film 2 or 3 different versions of the same movie, so the filming of movies would take much longer than just setting up a tripod and getting a couple to have sex for the camera. That doesn’t mean that this movie took years to make like a Hollywood project, but it wasn’t a fly by night production. The film quality, and the acting quality is far higher than you’d expect for an adult project, that’s for sure. Oh, and the music is top tier at times, blending together quite well with the moans, movements, and sounds that are in the set. It’s a quality edit, that I definitely picked up on when wearing headphones and watching this movie. The music, and the moaning were on par with some of the better adult videos I’ve seen. There are moments where you don’t feel like it’s acting, and the process of sex takes over, which really heightens the illusion that you’re watching something great.

From the start, you’re greeted with that familiar Vivid Video logo that focuses on two people merging into the logo. Paul Thomas’s direction and eye for visual design makes the opening sequence of two gangsters talking an interesting take on the old “Pulp Fiction” formula. A strange way to open a porno, right? You don’t get directly into the action, you get a bit of dialogue that sets up the rest of the movie quite well. Yes, this is a “movie”, and the production and sets are worth noting as something better than your average gonzo straight to video releases and compilations that are nothing more than raw animalistic coupling, without the finesse and humor that this 1997 piece has. Don’t worry though, this is not all dialogue, it jumps into the action within 5 minutes, and you’re treated to a raucous sex scene thanks to Vince Voyeur and what I can only assume is Locklear. The blonde bombshell gets it on with our main character in his office, on a desk, all while wearing silver high heels. And that’s where you first see something that you don’t always see, at least not when talking about pornography, and that’s condoms.

Mobster’s wife has condoms throughout the movie. If you are not a fan of watching people using condoms for the production, then this is going to turn you off. I was not turned off by that, as I think it’s always interesting to see male porn stars using protection, and why not? That’s really a personal thing between the production, the cast, and whomever is producing. Either way, you’re going to see a lot of condom use in this movie, and that’s not bad, at least not in my view. Vince and company do quite well to make this work, although the money shots are all condom-less so perhaps that’s something to consider. There is one scene, without condoms, and I’m not sure if it was the director’s intent to do that, if the couple were married, or it’s just something that the production sliced in to add more to the movie, but it's noticeable.

Moving along with the plot, the story goes into a few scenarios. Mainly the fact that Vince’s character wants to spend more time with his mistress, and so he sends his wife and one of his cronies to the coast, alone. Meanwhile, Mr. Marcus, the mistress, and Vince hang out together, as they are going to a wedding. This sets up a cheating story in which Vince has sex with the bride to be, played by Stephanie Swift, one of my first ever pornography crushes. That leads to the titular situation, that being the mobster’s wife getting railed, and then finding out that Vince was behind it! Of course, a hit is going to be called on him, and disaster is to strike, right? Well, not in this porno, although there are some funny moments. The ending is kind of funny, and it ties up the plot quite well.

I will say, that the massage therapist scene really brought back memories. The mob boss has an in-house massage in his hotel room, and the masseuse gets a little friendly with him, dancing, and disrobing until he finally gives into temptation and goes all in. Now here’s another thing I noticed, in that scene, the one with the masseuse, I do not see a condom used. Plus, the director decided not to really film too close on the insertion throughout the scene. It’s the only major scene in the movie that has a performer not wearing a condom, so that may be hot, or it may just be that the story calls for it. As the mobster gets indignant that his wife cheats on him, meanwhile he’s cheating, with someone bareback. I admit, this was a fascinating scene, as it is a fantasy to be in this position, especially if you travel to Vegas a lot, which this scene seems to be getting at.

Alternative Cover - Mobster's Wife (1997) - Directed by Paul Thomas

As if you didn’t know, the whole movie is a matter of switching partners. Vince cheats, and all the other people cheat, with the end scenes showing Marcus and Tony’s characters getting the mistress, the wife, and then all of them finding out that the maids are sleeping with Vince as well. What ends with a Mexican Standoff only leads to an appreciation, as everyone gets what they want, hot women, and new coupling. So, there’s a happy ending with everyone getting what they wanted, except for the mobster that had his bride to be fucked by Vince’s character.

Alright, that’s a lot of nonsense for a movie that is for the most part sexual, right? Well, it’s worth noting that the production quality of this 2 hours plus movie is fun to watch, has some quality sex, and is filmed with a good budget. I’m not saying it’s the greatest porno ever, but it has a lot more quality and gusto than your average production. It has “heart” if you can believe it, and it’s funny to watch the non-sex scenes, and the whole story. It’s the type of porno that you may watch all the way through with your girlfriend or wife, and while it does get sexy, it’s not beating you over the head with lust. Dare I say, it pays attention to both partners, with blow jobs, cunnilingus, lesbian scenes, and use of toys. Heck, this movie has it all, even if it is mostly story driven. I even gave it an extra star for humor and use of condoms. Why not?

I give “Mobster’s Wife” a 4 out of 5.

You can buy “Mobster’s Wife” from Vivid, and other retailers with relative ease. It’s a 1997 sleeper hit if you ask me, and a fine choice to get off to, or just to watch with someone that enjoys porno with a plot attached.

Did you like “Mobster’s Wife”? Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

Those Young Girls (1984) Review

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Planet of The Babes (2001) Review

Planet of The Babes DVD Poster and VHS Box

When I was a teenager, I found out about the Spice Channel. It was a cable network that showed pornography but with a twist. The twist was simple, they didn’t show you hardcore elements. What I mean by that was that they were full run porno films, but they didn’t show the penetration, nor the acts that you would expect from a porn. Now, don’t get me wrong, they were still the movies that you would see if you were to rent them, but with strategically placed objects in front of the penises, and more. Imagine the scene from “Austin Powers” where there’s always something to cover the genitals and breasts. Well this was kind of like that, only you could see a lot more. For instance, you would see the eyes of a woman giving a blow job, or you would see the man’s face buried in her vagina, but you could not see his tongue, and you could not see his penis or her mouth. It was an odd way of doing things, but I didn’t realize that it was the way things were back then. Today, from what I’ve read online, you don’t have to worry about that, because they show all sorts of things on cable.

I begin with that introduction because that’s where I first heard about “Planet of The Babes”. I saw a trailer for the movie on the Spice Channel, as I ordered it illegally, and would later just pretend I didn’t, and had to eventually watch this movie. Well, I didn’t watch it until recently, because I have been tracking down all of the adult movies that I recall and am reviewing them as part of this blog. “Planet of The Babes” is a movie that sticks to the ideas that were presented in the original “Planet of the Apes” not the 2001 version that was coming out. This one tried to tie in the original concepts into a pornographic feature, while still maintaining some of the original story. With that in mind, you’re going to start this movie with a lot of dialogue, and guys walking around with space suits, and no helmets around what they assume is Earth. That’s right, this hardcore feature doesn’t even start very hardcore, but if you like plot with your hardcore, then by all means, this is a welcome solution.

The plot features the astronauts finding a watering hole, and then going for a swim. When their clothing gets stolen, they stumble across some people that are just eating fruit and sitting around naked. One of them finds a very attractive woman and decides it’s time to get it on, and so he does, wildly gets it on, and the movie continues from there. The astronauts get caught, some die, and others stay alive, but just like the main movie from the past, one stays alive to escape, down the line.

Jim Powers directs this movie, and it’s budget is somewhat low, but the costumes and the ideas are similar to that of the original “Planet of the Apes”, which is appreciated here. If you’re serious about your porno parodies being as close to the source material as possible, then “Planet of The Babes” is going to be the one you love, because it does a fine job of skewering the original at times, but maintaining that hardcore sex line as well.

The movie stars Asia Carrera, Steve St. Croix, Bridgette Kerkove, Gwen Summers, Flick Shagwell, Lola, Melissa West, Mickey G, Nick East, and Dave Hardman. These names are not made up, mind you. This movie was originally shot in 2000, and the DVD came out in 2001. It’s Jim Powers production via Sterling Pictures, and it was the first of a trilogy, which you may or may not know about. This movie was followed by “Playmate of the Apes”, and “Planet of the Erotic Ape”, all of which were tributes to the original, although this is the one that seems to fit the traditional story a bit more. The sets and design were well done here, but the apes were all wearing rubber masks, so that’s a little funny. Either way, there’s a lot of detail that went into the movie, aside from the obvious sleaze factor that comes with pornography.

Overall, the sex is fine, there’s a mix of outdoor and indoor caged sex, but nothing that really got me too excited. Asia Carrera does fuck Steven St. Croix, and their chemistry is usually good. However, since this was a bare floor sex romp, you can tell that the two couldn’t move nearly as much, and so Asia did a lot of the work, balancing herself and trying not to fall over and cause disruption. Maybe there’s bloopers in subsequent releases, but in the one I saw, there were no extras. Bridgette Kerkove is definitely hot, and her blow job in the beginning of the film was quite good, but again, outdoor sex, and the lack of springs or cushions really made the whole thing a bit unsexy. Sure, it’s sex, sure she’s beautiful, but the logistics are a bit poor here.

There are two schools of thought that come to mind with this film. There’s the Asia Carrera collectors that will want to purchase “Planet of The Babes” for her scenes, both straight and lesbian romps. Then there are those that want to just get off to some porn from the 2000 era. I don’t know which I would fall into now, but when I first heard about it and saw that Asia was in it, I was all about it. Going back to see this, now, I can truly say that I’m not a big fan of this movie. Sure, Asia Carrera is beautiful in her youth, and Jim Powers does a fine job pulling together a decent tribute to the original source materials, but if you are looking to get off, this may not do it. Sure, it’s functional for what it is, but a classic? No way, not even close. I watched it a couple of times, and honestly, aside from Asia Carrera and Steven St. Croix’s work here, I didn’t really find this too appealing. It does the job of being an adult movie, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what I expected, and really put a damper on the fantasy that I had from first hearing about this movie. Sadly, “Planet of The Babes” is not the finest of movies, but hey, Asia Carrera in her prime! That’s got to count for something, right? I guess.

I give “Planet of The Babes” a 2 out of 5 stars.

You can buy “Planet of The Babes” via a adult dvd empire, or find it online somewhere, maybe even amazon from time to time.

Did you see “Planet of The Babes”? Do you like it? Drop me a comment and let me know.

Traci I Love You (1987) Review

Traci I Love You DVD/VHS Cover

One of the rabbit holes that I went down in the past few days, trying to set up stuff for this blog was looking into Traci Lords. I already knew her story, but I went deep into all of the different angles, and am not convinced that she was able to fool so many people. But that’s my take on it, and not necessarily the official word, because of course, there’s a lot of better writers that have discussed the topic. What I do know, is that the internet has exploded with all sorts of versions of her work, and depending on your moral compass, you can see her in many features, some of which I may talk about in the near future, as I was able to get a copy of “Those Young Girls”, featuring Ginger Lynn. I love Ginger, she’s been a crush of mine for years, but apparently Traci as Tracy Lords is in it too. I also was able to see a rare clip of Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords, and well, it’s odd to see Ron so skinny, but times change, and we all gain weight, maybe not as much as Ron, though.

For those that don’t know, Traci Lords was able to get out from under the thumb of pornographic cinema by forming her own company, and then producing 3 movies, and selling the rights for a cool 100K. In her book, she claimed that it was the only thing that she could think of to get out from under the oppression of the adult film industry. Well, good for her, that’s cool, right? Depends on what you believe about the situation.

Fast forward to “Traci, I Love You” from 1987, and you’re going to find that this movie is one of the movies that was shot under her company’s moniker. I was able to watch “Traci Takes Tokyo”, which was laughable in the way that it was produced, but had some interesting set pieces. I did not see “Bevery Hills Copulator”, which was released in 1986, but I’m sure I’ll run into it eventually. “Traci, I Love You” was shot on video, and it shows, and as some French film reviewers have noted, it’s perhaps her most boring work. I tend to agree with some of the notions that people have in regard to this one, as there are a lot of moments that make no sense, but then again, it’s a porno, right?

“Traci, I Love You” is shot like a news report at times, mostly documentary style. There is a man obsessed with her, trying to track her down in France. Meanwhile, she is just enjoying the sights, going to the beach, and just hanging out. There’s a lot of camera work doing B-shots, and random things, nothing of which is what you’d expect from a full-length movie. Eventually, Traci’s character is kidnapped, and taken to an undisclosed location, where she meets some lovely women, and begins the sexual romp that you would expect from dirty movies. The performances are uninspired, honestly, and you can see Traci looking at the camera, and taking direction to be more “into it” at times. At least from some of the scenes, until the end.

DVD Edition From France, I Think

The movie stars Alban Ceray, Marilyn Jess, Alain L’Yle, Traci Lords, and Gabriel Pontello. However, there are other people in non-sexual roles, and much more. Either way, this was her swan song, and it’s fascinating that the final shot involves her taking off her panties, opening her legs, and showing off for one last time. There is a blooper reel at the end, shifting to a light hearted, albeit hardcore film with an interesting premise, albeit still hardcore in many ways. Lovers of all natural, no shaving, classic adult movies will feel like they have traveled back in time, because this is NOT new school in any sense of the word.

The final sequences in this film has Traci nearly tied to a bed, and she screams, goes nuts, and makes you wonder if she’s just giving it all because it’s her final performance, or if she’s really enjoying the process of filming. Going back to the beginning, however, I do like how she bends over, in high heels, on a rug and takes her man standing up. She scoots her legs out, pushing her 5’8” frame all the way down, and allows her lover to enjoy every thrust, while she seems to be more concentrated on not falling over. It’s a unique visual, but one that doesn’t bode well for her, as she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it at various moments, or at least that’s how it comes across on film.

From what I understand, Caballero was able to distribute the movie on VHS and early DVD versions are popping up here and there, but that was all done in 1998. Traci got mad at Amazon for selling her movies, and magazines, but if you look closely, it’s not Amazon, but rather individual sellers.

“Traci, I Love You” is an interesting final movie in a way. There are moments that are hot, no doubt, especially if you want to see Traci (legally) take on multiple cocks, a dildo, and eventually get a nice load on the small of her back. She seems into it at times, and at others it looks very “business” heavy. It was only turned on a few times, and it was mainly when she appeared to be more focused on her partners than the camera, or anything else. Perhaps that’s telling, as this is legal, and the end of her career. I don’t know.

Overall, “Traci, I Love You” has grainy VHS transfer all over it. The sound is mono at best, the lighting is dark at times, ultrabright at times, and the camera work leaves a lot to be desired. However, unlike “Traci Takes Tokyo”, there’s no body doubles, and there is just straight forward sex scenes that are obviously not reshot, and just straight through. Two days in France really did a lot to help Lords cement her legacy, as this was it folks.  It’s serviceable if you’re a fan or a collector, but honestly, I wouldn’t watch it too often. Unless you’re really into Traci. This is LEGAL, by the way, so you can own it no problem getting it. It was made after Traci Lords turned 18, and it was NOT included in any of the mandated removals, or deletions which were part of a larger rabbit hole that I'm not going to write about at length. But you can read some of it here.

I give “Traci, I Love You” a 3 out of 5. 

You can purchase “Traci, I Love You” on DVD now, by clicking here.

Did you see “Traci, I Love You”? If so, drop me a comment, or don’t, I don’t care. I’m moving on to another review soon.