College Girls Extreme Initiations (1998) Review

The first thing that I noticed about this movie was that was a Sin-Bad Production. That immediately made me think about one thing, and that was the comedian Sinbad. Can you imagine if he was a major player in the porn world? I don’t know, maybe they would be a lot better. The second thing I noticed about this movie was that it was written and directed by Sid Deuce. Now, if that name is not familiar, then you may not have seen a lot of 90s porn. I hate to admit it, as it was a point of shame for me for many years, but I saw a lot of Sid Deuce on The Hot Network and Spice Network. But if you remember those older cable channels, they didn’t have any sort of penetration, and were more “R” rated than anything else. Sure, they had porn stars, and you’d see a little bit of breasts, but it was not at all like what you probably see today. I wouldn’t know, since I don’t have cable. “College Girl Initiations” is a movie with a slim plot, but I don’t think it’s a gonzo movie production. It feels that way at first, but because there’s a full story involved, this is not the same. The story is what you’d think, a few girls are going to be initiated to a club, or a sorority of some kind, and the head of this club wants the women to seduce the local guys. Starting with the pool guy. And with that, we are thrown into a story that features some B-level talent. Well, except for Sid Deuce. This movie from 1998 caught my eye because Lizzy Borden of XPW fame was in it. I had to check out her work, since I previously was told that she only did lesbian scenes. I can say that she doesn’t, as her early career in porn featured her in boy and girl scenes, and this is one of them.

And so we begin, the scene is shot in a backyard with a pool, and Ian Daniels is an “every man” type, while Shelbee Myne looks like my first girlfriend ever. While that fantasy was interesting at first, I realized that Shelbee is much taller than my ex, and well, a lot more uninhibited. She has an “Orange County” look to her, and well, she gets down to business fast. Her tattoo on the lower part of her back is interesting, and it was starting to distract me from the overall action of this scene. This isn’t a tough scene to watch, it’s not that great, and suffices, but Myne and Daniels don’t have a lot of chemistry, even though Daniels does a decent job of going for gold here. There is an adequate amount of positions, some jazzy music, and finally a cum shot to the back of the tattoo area of Shelbee, and that’s it. Ian Daniels finishes, and well that’s it, not much else. The two have little chemistry, but it works enough to get a rise if you’re in a bind.

Next up, we get the scene that I was looking forward to and that’s Lizzy Borden and Steve Hatcher. My main thing was to watch Lizzy Borden before she was a mainstay in XPW Wrestling fighting girls like Veronica Caine. She eventually stopped doing boy and girl scenes, to just direct and do girl scenes, eventually retiring from both pro wrestling and sex work, from what I can tell. Steve Hatcher and Lizzy Borden have some chemistry together, although it starts off very robotic. This is done in the same area that the previous scene was done, outside by the pool, on a blanket. In what was a first for me, at least in reviewing, there is an interesting switch that Steve Hatcher does. He goes from having regular sex with Lizzy Borden to switching into anal. However, in the switch, he puts on a condom. That’s right, he was without a condom before hand, and then puts one on for anal. This is new to me folks, but hey, it’s what the director must’ve wanted, right? I don’t know. The close up shows you insertion, and then the two rhythmically go through the motions of anal sex. It’s not a great showcase, mind you, but it works for what it is. This part of the sequence doesn’t last long, and eventually, Steve takes the condom off and finishes on Lizzy’s chest. This was a mildly entertaining scene, and you barely denoted any sort of chemistry between the performers. It was very mechanical, and at the end it was mostly Lizzy using her hands and some mouth stuff to try and finish the job further. This felt more like a gonzo picture by this point, at the 45 minute mark.

With only two scenes left, you start to feel like you’re getting less than your money’s worth. But honestly, this movie really is just a matter of watching 86 minutes of porn, with most of the dialogue being terrible, the lighting and effects being nonexistent, and the music being a saving grace at times. This is low budget, and within 45 minutes, you are either tired of jacking it, or you’ve given up on this. But before we get to the next sex scene, there’s an interesting mid-point where a woman is placed in a cardboard box, and the next major initiation is about to begin. There’s a glory hole set up of sorts, with Ian Daniels showing up with his sunglasses still on, paying for a little something, and well he gets to test out Temptress, who is in a cardboard box!

This scene starts with Temptress in a cardboard box, without seeing her lover. Then moves to the couch that is nearby, and Ian Daniels here puts a condom on for the sex. He didn’t have one earlier in the movie, but here he does. He seems to be trying really hard not to finish fast, and Temptress looks good for a college level girl trying to get into a club. Her long hair and lean body is a fascinating contrast to Ian Daniel’s “every man” look. The two have an adequate scene, with Daniels pumping away, and the jazzy soundtrack bringing you into the reminder that this is still a porno. The production value here is a little better than the other scenes, and the two actually seem to be enjoying themselves for the most part, even if Daniels’ has some awful facial expressions throughout.

The finale features Sid Deuce and Sindee Coxx using a toy and having fun together. This is one of the most chemistry laden parts of the movie. It features the two going through your standard lesbian scene, but with a little more heart than the other sequences. They even cuddle, kiss, and laugh towards the end, making this a favorite for a moment in the movie. Other than that, it’s a standard scene with a dildo thrown in for good measure.

I’m not sure why, but I watched the credits roll on this one, and while Sid Deuce did a good job in directing this piece, it’s a step away from being a gonzo feature. I don’t like gonzo movies that much, but this was ok, at best.

I give “College Girl Initiations” 2 out of 5.

It’s not a great movie at all. The jazzy soundtrack, and Lizzy Borden’s scene was the only reason I’d watch this again. But other than that, this wasn’t that grand. It’s functional for what it is, but honestly, it’s not something you need to rush out to buy unless you’re a huge fan of Sid Deuce and Lizzy Borden alike.

You can purchase “College Girl Initiations” online in various formats. I saw a VHS copy, and it was grainy as hell.

Did you see “College Girl Initiations”? If so, drop me a line in the comments below.

Tracy Dick (1985) Review

Tracy Dick (1985) Movie Poster

First and foremost, I want to give a shout out to my friend Angela, as she was the one that helped me pick out this movie to review. It’s thanks to her recommendation that we are now going to venture back to the 1980s, for a movie that was supposed to be burned in the United States. I won’t get into every detail, but after a lot of reading, and supreme court essays, I’ve concluded that reviewing movies featuring Traci Lords is fine, all things considered. However, I’ve gone to great lengths to purchase legal copies of this, and not from the United States, but from Europe, Mexico, and other areas. Whatever the case may be, this is a Traci Lords movie that was supposed to be destroyed, and you can only get it via DVD-R, VHS, or through alternative means. My copy came from Spain, and had a Spanish dub track and an English track. The Spanish language track is hilarious. But I’m going to review “Tracy Dick” from 1985 in the English language. This is supposed to be a parody of "Dick Tracy" but without the noir style.

The opening of this movie has a hilarious custom song about the titular character, Tracy Dick. I found it hilarious, as it featured a great deal of comedy in the lyrics, and the style. It’s a classic 1980s style rock tune. The movie immediately gets to the action, and throws you into a “who done it” mystery. We are shown an office, Tracy’s office where she’s a private eye. She is reading a book about how to find the g spot, and starts to masturbate. She seems to be playing with some archaic toy, but I can’t make it out because the film grain is very bad on this transfer I received. She goes at it a while, but watching her is a nerdy guy played by Tom Byron. He’s a classic 1980s nerd stereotype. Tracy tries to explore some information about him, and he seems to throw a tantrum before Stacey Donovan shows up. It’s here that the story’s plot starts to work through as Tracy wants to get to the bottom of the peeping tom, and more. There’s comedy in this scene, and Traci can act. (Note, I’ll use Tracy as the character, and Traci as the actress back and forth, because it’s confusing, and kind of fun)

After the masturbation scene, and a phone call between the private eye, and what I assumed was Stacey Donovan, a threesome erupts. This features Traci Lords, Stacey Donovan, and Tom Byron. The thing that got me right away was the music. It’s a passionate score, with grainy pops and bad mix with the moaning and groaning over the top. Traci Lords teaches Donovan and Byron (the nerd), how to have sex, and it’s not half bad. Lords always seems to work well with Byron, and Byron has those classic nerdy good looks, and turns into a stud with relative ease. The scene isn’t half bad, and has a voyeuristic quality that isn’t half bad. But at one point the director decided to put the camera as close to the penetration as possible, and not with a good macro lens, so you’re going to get a lot of grainy movement and moans, and just odd sexual elements. I’m assuming this was done for the big screen, because on home video, this is just odd. Who can be turned on by this? This only lasts about 10 minutes, mind you, and Byron blows a small load, but you can’t really see much because the lighting is very dark in this movie.

The transitional stages of this scene furthers the plot, although it’s thin. Tracy wakes up Byron and discusses a little bit about the case at hand, and then we move to a lesbian scene starting, only to go into a full blown four way.

The sex scene here is supposed to be Heather Wayne, Jacqueline Brooks, Josephine Carrington, and Jesse Eastern, but my edited didn’t show all of the women. Instead, there was a scissoring scene, and a guy watching on his couch before joining the action. He watches the scene, and the women get so turned on that they get him to join the action, to a very muddy and not too sexy sequence. The lighting is really bad in this movie, and I do not have a remastered option, so it’s not that grand overall. Meanwhile there’s a transition where Stacey Donovan and Peter North are sneaking into a house, and that leads to sex as well. However, that doesn’t get immediate results, as the threeway, which is listed as a fourway starts, and it’s just boring. It’s an odd mix, with a little boredom and mechanics of sex. It’s not sexy at all.

Up next, without much of a transition, we get Stacey Donovan and Peter North going at it. Once again the director has decided to zoom in so close to the penetration and masturbation that you can barely tell what’s going on. I had a hard time making it out because it started to get quite blurry, and then the editing went back to a blow job from the threesome, causing this thing to just become muddled. It’s somewhat sexy, I guess, as there’s a hand job finish, but it’s so badly edited, and transitioned that it’s just not worthwhile.

Tracy and Tom show up to discuss the case as the sex scenes are done, and the movie transitions into another plot point before throwing in a sex scene. This is not a gonzo movie, mind you, but the pacing is certainly gonzo, as there’s nearly no explanation for what happens next. Jacqueline Brooks and Tom Byron phone it in if you ask me. Byron has little to no chemistry with Brooks, and it shows. The return of the super zoom is found here, and I wanted to bang my head into a wall. The director made some terrible choices here, and the music, and overall scene is just awkward.

If you have bucket list for viewing porno actors doing it, you may have Traci Lords and Peter North. Well, here you go, it’s what you expect, and it’s quite fascinating to say the least. It’s a serviceable scene, don’t get me wrong, and there are moments that the two do share some sort of chemistry, but if you ask me, Peter North is just in work mode, as he’s a professional, and Traci is just kind of there at times, and then into it at others. The director decided to not use a lot of zoom lenses here, and the picture is clear, with some minor lighting shifts. It’s still gritty, but it’s really just a point of history, more than anything else. If you’re a fan of Peter North, then this is a piece of archival history. The closing sequence here is one for the ages, as far as speed is concerned, but in a rare thing, you don’t get an epic Peter North finish. This was very much a quick romp, and then it was over.

There’s a funny transition to another scene, which is just plot heavy. Tracy Dick shows up to confront a few people, and there’s a bit of comedy work done by Tom Byron. Then you get Peter North discussing a few things with Tracy Dick, and the story of the “stiff” continues. This is awful acting, but what did you expect from a 1985 porno film?

After some interrogation, the movie switches to a lesbian scene. The 1980s had a lot of lesbian sequences, and they always seemed forced. But this one was genuinely interesting for the chemistry that Josephine Carrington and Traci Lords have. If you’re into lesbian sex scenes, this is an interesting one, due only because of the chemistry that the two share. Otherwise, it’s not that great. They do the “scissoring” thing again, and I recall South Park doing a segment about this type of thing. I don’t know if this is common or not, but for 1985, perhaps it’s a good feeling thing? I don’t know, I’m not an expert here, I’m just trying to make sense of the movie.

The story continues, but you know, it’s not even that great, I have no clue where the whole thing is going, and the story gets thrown out for a final threesome. This one features Tiffany Blake, Marc Wallace, and Tom Byron. The trio have sex on a couch, and it’s not a terrible scene, but it’s very much “work mode” for the trio. Tom Byron’s always interesting to watch, and his youthful looks reminds me of Mark Wahlberg from “Boogie Nights”. Tiffany Blake does a double penetration here, and that’s the point where things get a little interesting, as she seems to lose herself in the moment for a moment, but honestly, other than that, this is just an average scene with a DP finish.

That’s the end of the movie, by the way. If you stick around for the credits, you’ll notice the names of the characters include Tracy Dick, Arthur Dork, Mimi Furst, Angela Magnet, Maid, Out Patient 1 and Out Patient 2, alongside gaffers, makeup, art direction, still photography and more. Jell Productions copyright ends it, and that’s it. You get a 81 minute feature that is not going to win any awards.

I give “Tracy Dick” a 2 out of 5.

The movie was fine. The best part of it was the music. There’s a lot of music with saxophone, so it’s firmly in the 1980s genre. Other than that, the theme song was funny, and the movie had some interesting points, and plot that seemed to move into sex scenes, but other than that, it’s awful. The lighting sucked, the editing was tough, and the zoom elements made me want to quit watching anything transferred from a VHS tape.

You can find “Tracy Dick” in the United States from imported sources, VHS tapes from the past, magazines, and other random areas.

Did you see “Tracy Dick”? If so, drop me a line in the comments.

Bad Wives (1997) Review

Bad Wives (1997) Vivid Video DVD Release (VHS Was Same Cover)

When I was working at a casket retailer in my late teen years, I found that I could order things and mail them to my office. It was quite interesting overall, and in that world I discovered mail-order VHS tapes, including porn. So I would buy discounted items from different retailers online. One of the movies that I remember purchasing was that of “Bad Wives”. This is a Vivid Video release from 1997, and it was only about four bucks at the time. I loved the cover, and thought it was interesting enough to buy, instead of rent, so I went for it. It’s a studio picture that is filmed on a higher production element that most videos that were coming out at the time. As with all studio releases, this was a bigger budget option, and one that looked a lot like a “film” rather than just a gonzo porn. With that in mind, you are thrown into an interesting set, you have a bit of a story, and of course you have sex. What I did note from the beginning of the film, and throughout this 2 hour plus movie is that there is a lot more sound design, audio design, editing, and even acting involved. Aside from that, the sexual encounters are longer, and the chemistry between some of the stars is even better. This immediately throws you into a sexual loop within 3 minutes, as you have office sex, with sounds of a heart beat, and phones in the background. This of course leads to sex, but the overall set design, lighting, and editing starts out like something you’d expect to see on the silver screen, not a VHS or DVD. That’s what initially interested me in this movie, and well, it carries over a bit through the scenes to follow.

Tricia Devereaux and Tony Tedeschi start things off, and to be honest, the two have some great chemistry in this scene. Tony really seems to be in his prime here. I’ve seen him in other scenes, and he isn’t nearly as into it as he is in this one. He is a total pro, mind you, so his work here is quite good, and Tricia reacts quite well to every move. There is some good foreplay as the two end up having sex on an office table. What threw me off here was the constant heart beating that was in the background. The music was also a bit of an odd choice, but aside from that, you’ll find that this scene is actually kind of hot, and at one point there’s even a random voyeur that shows up. This is a great opening sequence, if you ask me.

The movie then changes gears, and goes into a different sequencing. This movie gets into the titles, and it starts with a very cinematic approach. The cinematography is quite good considering this is a porno film. I liked the introduction that features the camera spanning a lot of products across the shelves, and then the director’s name shows up, Paul Thomas. No wonder. This guy makes the most “film” like pornos and there’s a lot to them, besides just the sex. The film, as you would guess is about wives that are cheating, and up to no good, getting themselves in trouble. The opening sequence features Dyanna Lauren stealing some cookies, and then trying to play off like she didn’t do it. Steven St. Croix accuses her of stealing, and she denies it. She eventually admits to it, and St. Croix gets a good look at her assets, and tries to put the moves on her. Of course, these two are destined to have sex, right? Dyanna Lauren has amazing eyes, by the way. I got lost in her eyes for a moment, and the director took full advantage of what was going on there.

The story is paramount here, this is not all sex, and it is not a gonzo movie. From this scene in a bodega, you are taken to a location where a couple is having a pool party. While there is some splashing going on, Dyanna Lauren imagines what it would be like to have sex with Steven St. Croix in a fantasy land scenario that has to be seen to be believed. She’s not in it, mind you, but she’s imagining it.

This scene is quick, it features Mellissa Hill, Stephanie Swift, and Steven St. Croix. The little clip of the threeway is quite good, and the set is really cool. it gets broken up by reality, and Dyanna Lauren seems to be down as her friends bring out a cake, with a 36 on it. It’s her birthday, and she’s not happy. The movie goes on with Lauren and Hill shopping and talking, and they encounter Steven St. Croix again, as he’s a store clerk. Moving along Melissa Hill dreams of being a threeway with him and Stephanie Swift, and that scene happens in the back of a bodega. It’s not a bad scene, and I’m not familiar with Melissa Hill, but she has a very lovely face, and red hair. She’s a pretty woman, and of course sharing St. Croix with Stephanie Swift is actually kind of fun. Melissa Hill reminds me of a woman that I once went on a date with, and I guess there’s a fantasy about being with her, so that’s kind of cool to watch. The music here is interesting, but the meat carcasses in the background kind of took me out of the scene. St. Croix wears a condom here, and that’s interesting considering the initial scene that started this movie didn’t have safe sex. This is a good scene, and perhaps the best in the movie, from set, to sex, to chemistry, to music, and everything. This happens 30 some odd minutes into the show and it’s really good overall.

Dyanna Lauren is in another fantasy, this time she imagines St. Croix in her bedroom and he rips her dress off. She looks at her husband, and she looks back and St. Croix is no longer there. Lauren then moves down stairs to dance naked, and seek her lover, but he’s not there. Jon Dough gets up, and sees her dancing, and comes down to be with her, watching her masturbate. This is a very sexy scene, as Dyanna looks amazing and she really seems to enjoy herself while Jon Dough watches. Lauren’s eyes again captivate me here, more than anything else. The two do end up having sex, but not right away, as the movie cuts to another house.

The other house has Melissa Hill and Tony Tedeschi. Melissa Hill masturbates heavily, and Tony Tedeschi walks in to see her, and gets turned on. But in the middle of this quite lovely scene, the director decided to go back to Lauren and Dough. The two have a suburban sex scene and it’s just something that is great in terms of setting. It’s got a suburban house feel and the whole thing just screams suburbia. If you see this, you’ll know what I mean because the house the two are in looks like a track home. While there’s a lot of oral in these sequence, the director again decides to cut, to Melissa Hill and Tony Tedeschi. So if you get off on oral, then you’ll like the scene, but then you get jolted into a scene with Melissa Hill.

Bad Wives (1997) Back Cover - DVD

Melissa Hill and Tony Tedeschi have some great chemistry. Hill gives Tedeschi a good blow job, and the music works quite well here, as well as the suburban home setting. But before they start going further, the director cuts back to John Dough and Lauren. They are on a white couch having sex and once again there are condoms. These two are supposed to be married, but I guess since it’s fantasy land, you have to ignore that. You can tell the sequencing was not done straightway. Dough starts getting slapped hard by Lauren and then she runs upstairs and he doesn’t have a condom on any more. Shen then asks him to spank her and he runs up the stairs and the two keep going on the staircase but he has a condom on again. He goes from limp to hard fast, so that little edit threw me off a little. I may be nitpicking, but it’s noticeable on an otherwise really good production. There’s an interesting point where Dough uses one finger in Laurens butt, while fingering her, and then the director again cuts to Melissa Hill and Tedeschi. This back and forth is getting annoying by this point.

The change of pace and setting is not half bad, as Hill and Tedeschi have great chemistry in their scene compared to Dough and Lauren. They don’t use condoms in this one, so perhaps that’s an important element. The two seem to really be having fun in this scene compared to the other one, as the two have sex on a couch, on a wall, juxtaposed against hardwood floors and art-deco. This is another good scene, and the two seem to really have great chemistry, which is great overall.

Even though all of this is going on, St. Croix’s character is at a pool directing everything? Like he has a sexual possession? It’s a weird wrench into the whole scene, but it kind of works.

True to the title of the movie, the sex stops and the plot thickens. The women start to lash out about their lives, and the men. At one-point John Dough shoves Lauren’s face and delivers a pretty good speech about how lucky she is and how rich he is, etc. The car has just been painted and she is covered with red paint. The two end up fighting, with Lauren slapping the crap out of him, and Dough slapping her back, then throwing her in a pool. This scene was far better acted than a lot of other movies in the porn industry, and it hooked me. The spousal abuse thing, man, edgy for a porno.

The movie continues with Melissa Hill trying on all sorts of different garments, and she looks a little like Jessica Rabbit from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”. Hill and Tedeschi’s characters showcase a rough patch and it looks like they are going to get divorced, as they have a conversation about thei relationship etc. While the Dough and Lauren scene had good acting, this doesn’t. Hill can’t really act, and while I’ve seen Tedeschi do better acting, this is not his best one, though he shows a lot of range. Hill tries, but she’s a bit off, and I can’t put my finger on it. Her eyes though, wow, watch her eyes, they are stunning here.

Melissa Hill ventures to her husband’s office, only to see Tony Tedeschi giving oral to his secretary, the same woman from the opening scene! She is so distraught at this, that she ends up crying and I kid you not, eating what appears to be a bar of soap, or a block of cheese. I couldn’t stop laughing at the premise, but it’s sad.

This movies to a threesome between Missy, Tricia Devereaux, and Tony Tedeschi. This is an ok scene, with Tony throwing down a lot of work, but the chemistry was a little off here. Miss is thrown into the scene for good measure, and while she’s interesting, this seems like a second serving of what we already saw at the beginning of the film, only with an additional blonde thrown in for good measure. This is a passionate scene, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not that exciting after you’ve seen some better work earlier in the same movie.

Going towards the finish line, this movie turns into a full drama. Dyanna Lauren runs down John Dough and basically is going to leave him and take everything, and Dough’s reaction is a great one. She then goes the Bodega where she saw Steven St. Croix initially, and that’s where this film decides to give you a grand finale. I recognize the store, mind you, it is in Southern California, and it was shot after hours. This leads to the final threeway, and it features Dyanna Lauren, Melissa Hill, and Steven St. Croix. This movie was building up to this for nearly 2 hours, and this scene gets into some heated action at 1 hour and 50 some odd hours. This wasn’t half bad, and St. Croix has done great work here with the two women. However, the setting, lighting, music, and direction is totally different here. Maybe it’s because it’s supposed to be a fantasy, or maybe it’s just supposed to be a glorious ending, I don’t know, it’s just odd, with a large bed, lots of lighting, and an obvious warehouse set. The three do well here, and it’s a sexy scene with everything you’d expect from a threesome. St. Croix and Melissa Hill steal the show here.

I give “Bad Wives” a 4 out of 5.

This is a good movie, with some seriously good sex, and some interesting music here and there. The plot, the acting, and the sets are all great, and the movie is shot on film. It has a film grain to it and I could totally see this playing in an adult theater, because it totally belongs there. Paul Thomas does it again.

You can buy “Bad Wives” online through various sources.

Did you see “Bad Wives”? If so, drop me a comment below and let me know.

Sex Boat (1980) Review

Sex Boat (1980) Poster

For today’s stellar porn review, we’re going to go back to 1980. This time around, we are going to review Jimmy Kimmel’s favorite porno movie. At least that’s what Adam Carolla said on his radio show. He discusses the fact that a movie called “Sex Boat” was once discovered and Jimmy had to whack it to it. I do believe that it was during his interview with the famed porno stud, Randy West. Now, if you know who Randy West is, then you already know that he’s a long-time performer, and was influential in making a lot of women famous through the series “Dirty Debutantes”. Although, he stole the idea from someone, I think, but more on that later. This movie starts in a gonzo fashion, with two men and a woman talking, but one pulls a gun out and demands that he start going to town on the woman, and we get our first sex scene. Again, this is not a gonzo porno film, but it sure seems that way as this starts, and with the music kicking in, you know that “Sex Boat” from 1980 is not pulling punches, this is a porn, that may or may not played on the silver screen back then.

There are 13 scenes in this movie, but don’t worry it’s not that long, so I’ll try to review it as swiftly as I can, but some things are going to be longer than others, 13 scenes, geez.

Loni Sanders and Mike Ranger start things off, and this movie gets to the sex within a minute or two. This scene throws you into what this movie is all about, and the production quality is quite good for 1980. It’s a “film” of course, so I’m sure it was shown on the big screen at one point. Loni Sanders is pretty, and her heels make this even more attractive. Mike Ranger is a harry dude, but he seems to be enjoying the process here, the two have a little bit of chemistry as they start to work through the strokes of sex. However, you can once again tell that the male here is a bit in the zone, and not really into it half of the time. Even when he tries to kiss Loni, it’s mostly tongue and just kind of for the camera, not really because they are passionate. Don’t get me wrong, this is a workable scene, and it’s not half bad, but aside from the latter half of the sex scene, this is not that hot. Loni is pretty though, and she keeps her heels on, so it’s not bad. When she gets on top of mike on a brown couch, I loved it, there was a moment of every day, nice sex in it, and her good looks, and long brown hair really captured a sensual element that made you stop thinking of this as porn. Then the camera flashes to Mike’s face, and meh, threw me off. This isn’t a terrible scene, but with the music, and couch setting, as well as the finish, it just isn’t that great. A good money shot at the end though, so that’s always fun to see.

The movie moves forward fast to another sex scene, I mean, only 9 minutes into this thing and there’s a three way scene featuring Caroll Ann Jackson, Copper Penny, and Kevin James. This is a more passionate play compared to the first scene. Kevin is a young man with boyish looks and gets kissed and aroused by two very lovely ladies. The movie slows down here allowing for a more passionate look at deep throating and sexual play. Kevin doesn’t last too long in comparison, or the editing makes him look a bit inadequate compared to the first scene, but it’s a good workable one with natural women, and lots of hair, with a cum shot into red hair, which is kind of cute. Not a bad scene, but definitely a bit swift by comparison.

Fans of masturbation scenes will enjoy Sylvia Benedict playing with herself in the back seat of a vehicle. The driver gets a full view from the rear view as she plays with herself, and that’s it. Oh well the driver starts to pleasure himself as well, and this is a very artsy scene, with some very mechanical movements. This is obviously played up for the camera, and it has a comedic element to it, but it’s kind of sexy none the less.

Up next we get the crux of the plot of this movie. Two men want to get onto a boat full of women, and they must dress like women to do it. That’s where the story really gets going, and well, we get the plotting and then finally getting on board a boat, and getting into the “swing” of things. The guys in drag are hilarious, and they stumble across some women on hammocks and others sleeping. Here the plot of this movie starts to get kind of funny, but of course, in all professional sex movie glory, we are treated to the next phase of sexual desire. One of the men goes in and starts going down on a sleeping woman, she gets turned on, and away we go.

Hillary Summers, Linda Reeves, and Turk Lyon get through an interesting little scene where sneaking on an all girl’s cruise turns into a lovely sexual encounter. I say lovely, but Turk keeps his drag clothing on for a while, but that slowly comes off for a full scene of sex. I’m not familiar with Turk, so it’s interesting to see him work here, especially with two lovely ladies. The two women give their best here, and Turk seems to have some good chemistry with the ladies. He’s not a super hung guy, and is quite hairy, but it seems like he works out well. I didn’t like his one finger technique at one point, but the women seemed to like it a little. At one point he climbs on top of one of the women and just gyrates like he’s going to die. It’s actually kind of funny to watch. But then I figured out that it wasn’t him! Oh ham, and I’ll explain…

The scene cuts midway into Terry Galko and Randy West, but the director decided to go back to the threesome at the same time! So if you’re planning on getting off to this scene, you have to deal with a back and forth that doesn’t make sense at all. There’s a fade in and out, and the threesome works well enough, but you also get Randy West and Terry juxtaposed, so that’s a bit odd. I don’t know what the editor was thinking but the splicing threw me off. You get thrown back to Randy West just going to town, in perhaps one of his best moments, as a young man obviously, not when he was older and doing Jenna Jameson. He really is quite the talent in this one, and the chemistry he has with Terry Galko is infectious. The scene moves from the threesome to this one fast, so while there are 13 scenes in this movie, you kind of get thrown into the action quick on this transition.

After these sex scenes, you get back to the comedy angle where the men are dressed as women and trying not to get caught. Of course, they looked like the worst cross dressers and people are starting to get suspicious, but they keep going forward with the ruse.

Moving right along you are treated to a lesbian scene next, and this is only about 30 minutes into the feature. A lot has gone on mind you, and this is the sixth scene to get thrown into the 30 minute mark of a 72 minute feature. Dana Dennis and Kelly Nichols are here enjoying a nice lesbian scenario while the men watch them from another side of the boat. The sun is out, and they are on the top of the boat enjoying one another, with their fingers, tongues, and not caring about whoever is watching.

Kandi Barbour, Randy West, and Turk Lyon are the next featured scene. But before getting to the sex, you are treated to some comedic elements featuring West and Lyon. These are as funny as the Tom Hanks show “Bosom Buddies”. It’s funny to me, as the two dudes look so much like men, that it is just hysterical. The premise here is just too much at times, but it gets sexy in no time. However, the acting is pretty bad, and the guys get found out. Before this, we see West and Turk biting women’s butts, grabbing breasts, and then just trying to get into the fray of an orgy in the women’s make up room. This clumsy scene is nothing short of odd, but it works I guess. The comedy here is just ludicrous. As the guys go around the cruise ship, trying to hide out, they end up going down to a spa. Yes, a spa on this ship. I’ve never been on a cruise, but perhaps there are spa settings? The guys run into a spa area and there’s women there, one of which is Kandy Barbour. The two guys take it all off and join her, and you know what happens next, right? Of course! Well, this is a fast scene, and it’s mostly just Barbour giving head to both men, and Randy West giving her some love from behind. This is a fast scene, and it’s not that sexy at all. It’s very “mechanical” to say the least, and it’s not even that graphic.

The movie goes forward into more dialogue, with the women talking about the rumors that there are men on the ship. This makes some curious, and others disgusted. The movie of course gives you more comedic timing, and elements as the men move forward with trying to seduce the women. This is a really good transitional moment, with the guys back in drag, dancing and having fun with the women, no one the wiser that they are men. This feels like an 1980s teen comedy to be honest, and the transitional scenes are just too funny at times, with West getting slapped by all of the women and Turk finding a woman to seduce and scoring. This plot just seems like it could star Cuba Gooding Jr. Oh, they did make a movie called “Boat Trip”, with a similar idea. Only a lot less sex.

Pamela Jennings and Turk Lyon go underneath a table and start to have a little fun. This is a fun scene, and definitely one of the highlights of this movie. Jennings gives Turk a lot of attention, and the two have great chemistry in such a closed space. The two have to be very careful as they are supposed to be at a party, underneath a table that is covered by a table cloth, so there’s not a lot of positions, etc. It’s just Lyon and Jennings going at it, with her on top. It’s about as hot a scene as I’ve seen thus far in reviewing porn. I liked it a lot. The two here seem to really love the process, and it works out great. The music is good, the direction is nice, and with limited space, the two still manage to throw in a lot of movement. Classic.

One of the men gets found out, and is almost thrown over the edge. But of course, this is a porn so it doesn’t go bad for him. Instead, 5 women want to get it on with him, and well, he’s the luckiest man in porn, right? Turk Lyon gets to have an experience with 5 women, and it’s all that you would think it is. It’s crowded, clumsy, and he is just having the time of his life. Lucky dude, but not a great scene. It’s sexy, but you can see that it was a bit rushed. Dana Dennis, Kelly Nichols, Linda Reeves, Renee LaPaz, Vicky Steele, and Turk Lyon do their best, but hey, it’s a 6 way with 5 women and one guy, not sure what you’d expect. I give Turk Lyon a lot of credit for this performance as he doesn’t finish even though he goes through 5 different women. Wow, what stamina. We should all be so lucky, right? There’s plenty of positions, plenty of moaning, and the music doesn’t throw you out. The director kept moving the camera in and out, zooming to one area and another, and it’s kind of odd, but this is just one man and 5 women, so take it for what that is.

If all of this story doesn’t really get you aroused, perhaps a robbery might? That’s what seems to occur in the next subplot, as pirates seem to have taken over the ship? I kid you not, there are men in pirate clothing showing up and getting some sex. Throw the rulebook out the window, this thing just went off the rails. Nicole Black and Greg Michaels go through a very neat little scene, and Nicole Black is just a lovely woman. She’s quite pretty, while Greg Michaels looks like a buffoon. Meanwhile, Little Oral Annie and Douglas Fairbank get some action in the cockpit, no pun intended. The juxtaposition of these two scenes feels rushed, and while there’s a little bit of a rough play, the sex is anything but sexy. It’s rushed, clumsy, and like the first time you get some, only not sexy. It works only for the fact that this is a movie and the sex is part of the plot, but it’s just not that sexy, it’s rushed, and well, rushed is all I can think of to describe it.

There’s more pirate love after a brief transition with one guy looking a lot like Ron Jeremy in a pirate costume. The scene goes to R.J. Reynolds and Cody Nicole. This scene like the other pirate scenes seems rushed. It’s straight to the action, no nonsense, no foreplay, just erection into vagina, and that’s it. I gues I expected more out of this, but at this scene you’re at the one hour mark and it’s time to close up this movie. This is not that sexy, but the two seem to have a little chemistry, just not enough to get sweaty. The lighting is bad, and the sex is standard, at best.

And of course we get more story, but at this point if you’re still watching the story, you’re a brave person. I am watching the full thing so that I can review it, and even I’m having a problem. The pirates meet the guys in drag and that leads to the worst fight scene since the last time I saw a fight scene. The guys in drag untie the women prisoners, the camera zooms away from the luxury liner, and we get one last scene.

The last scene features Sylvia Benedict and Turk Lyon. It’s a steamy scene that is given 4 minutes or so. Again, a brief sexual romp, but you have to remember, this was meant for porno movie theaters, so the sex isn’t epic sometimes. It’s a little more of the romantic kind here, with the two going through a few positions, and really just going forward with a little bit of action. Neither one going as hard as to get sweaty, and more like a married couple’s regular Monday night. This is a sterile ender, but it works if you’re watching it on the big screen and you want to get your money’s worth before the show is over.

The movie ends with a young woman getting picked up by what looks like her boyfriend. He doesn’t know that she’s been plowed on her trip. And that’s it, they drive away. The end sees Randy West becoming a captain on the ship, or at least dressed like one, and lots of women trying to get with him, but he avoids them, to get into the captain’s seat, and get blown by a blonde, and that’s “Sex Boat” from 1980.

I give “Sex Boat” a 3 out of 5.

It’s not a sexy movie, but it’s funny enough to watch it. If you watch your porn at full length, and don’t just fast forward to sex, then you’ll like this one. Otherwise, you’ll find it to be rushed, and kind of boring at times. I liked it enough, just didn’t love it.

You can purchase “Sex Boat” from a variety of locations. Including HERE for DVD by MAIL.

Did you see “Sex Boat”? If so, drop me a line below in the comments.

America The Beautiful (2002) Review

America The Beautiful DVD Cover - SRC ADULT DVD EMPIRE 

The Cal Vista classic from 2002 is the movie that I’m going to tackle today. This was a Metro Studios production, and I was able to get a DVD copy of this one. I first heard about this movie thanks to the Houston 500. If you’re not familiar with that, it’s because you weren’t paying attention to the gang bang record. Houston broke that record when she ended up performing 620 acts of sex with a revolving door of individuals at an open call to a set where men, including Ron Jeremy would get to have sex with her. This was post the Houston 620 as it is now known, and you could tell that Houston was ready to retire. She had received some plastic surgery and her face was just different now. Mark Davis, Ron Jeremy, and others were cast in this movie, and the most notable change that was evident in the first few minutes of this movie was Houston’s lips. They are surgically enhanced, and it’s hard not to notice. Her blonde hair and body were still very good at this time, as she didn’t retire yet, and didn’t have cancer and fought it to victory, yet. While Houston is the star of the show, this is not a gonzo flick, it has a story that is quite good if you were to remove all of the sex. In fact, despite the VHS level quality of the filming, it’s far better than a lot of the gonzo pictures that came out in the late 1990s and of course the 2000s. I’m not sure what the budget is, but this isn’t half bad, and the editing, visuals, and music all work together to make an interesting movie. Oh, but before I get too far, this is a porno, so let’s not wax too poetic. Houston broke the record of the world's biggest gang bang after Annabel Chong did it with several hundreds of men. Her story was the subject of a documentary, "Sex: The Annabel Chong Story", which is here.

The premise of “America The Beautiful” is simple. The main character named America, played by Houston is being convicted and thrown in jail for violating the law being in porn. She is being prosecuted by none other than Ron Jeremy, who is hell bent on making sure that she goes to prison for being in porn. She tries to ensure that as an adult actress her work is protected under the First Amendment, and through the movie you’re treated to court scenes, and of course, sex. This is a story driven, well-produced movie, and while it is a VHS quality release, it still has some good editing, and sequences of mundane, everyday life that makes it worth your time, well, except maybe some of the sex, which is always hit or miss with porn.

After some moments with the court and both lawyers arguing, we are given the first sex scene. It features Houston and Mark Wood. Mark Wood seems familiar somehow, but I can’t place him as I type this. This is a standard scene with Houston giving Wood a full blow job, before he gives Houston cunnilingus. There is a moment where the jury and court room is spliced into the scene, but otherwise it’s Houston in an American Flag bikini and Mark Wood looking like a dork. He receives oral, and she seems to enjoy that aspect, before getting her vagina licked. The music is not half bad here, and the scene moves forward swiftly, but the two do not have a lot of chemistry and it shows on both of their faces. While Mark Wood does stay hard, he has a condom on that looks to be a bit tight, and thick, and he just looks to be concentrating far too deeply on what is going on, instead of getting into a rhythm with Houston. Houston, for her part looks to be tired, and bored but still throws out a few moans and lines that are obviously part of some script. It’s not too hot, but it’s serviceable if you’re a fan of Houston. I’m not a big fan, so I didn’t think this scene was that hot, although it gets the noodle going so to speak. Good lighting though, and great positioning poolside, so that’s a plus. Mark finishes on her face, as is the trope in porn, right?

The next scene here is a little bit behind the scenes. You are treated to a lesbian sequence that features Alexa Rae and Jessica Dee. These two women are girl next door types, and are introduced by Houston. For this, you are taken to a real porn set, and it’s pretty lackluster. If you have ever been on set, you know that there isn’t always a big budget, and you usually got to a cold warehouse with a backdrop. Well, this is what you get here. The two are pretty enough, and while there is some chemistry to the scene, the lackluster production values just made me laugh, especially the backdrop that features an obvious painted sun. The scene showcases your standard male driven lesbian sequencing, and that’s cool if you like that.

After the lesbian scene, the direction goes back to the court room. This time around Ron Jeremy is grilling Aria about pornography and how it’s bad for people. He is in a full suit, and he goes on to show the jury another scene, this time once again introduced by Houston. This sequence features Aria, Brian Surewood, and Mark Davis. I for one had or maybe have a huge crush on Aria. She’s always seemed so cool, and in this scene, she is enjoyed by two men, or rather, she enjoys the process of getting it on with two men. They look like pirates, to be honest, but hey it’s porn. This is a halfway decent scene, with Aria giving attention to both men, and the two giving her as much attention as they could, one by one, and of course doubling down. For Aria fans, this is a great scene, as she does anal, and regular penetration, and then goes into a full double penetration, which is always interesting. She is a performer that I’ve always found to be entertaining, and in this scene, she seems to be enjoying herself, and the two guys really complement her in lasting long and enjoying the ride. With the exception of one guy losing his erection at one point, and having to continually try to get back up. Aria helps him, though, and that of course leads to greatness, right? The only downside here is that the director decided to splice in footage of the jury watching the porn, so if you’re trying to stay in the fantasy, you are taken out by seeing the reaction of people’s faces. The scene ends abruptly with a facial, and it’s not half bad. Aria always delivers, and she’s one special performer. Mark Davis and Brian Surewood do their best, but it’s Aria that shines here if you ask me.

You are then taken from that scene to an odd scene featuring Nina Ferrari and Tyce Bune. I mention that this is odd because while the previous scene didn’t have condoms, this did, and a pink colored one to be exact. While this isn’t a bad thing, it’s just an interesting contrast to what we just saw. Nina Ferrari looks familiar, as I swear she was escorting in Los Angeles for a short spell, but I cannot confirm that at all. She’s a blonde-haired rocker chick, with piercings, and a good California look to her. Tyce Bune is no one I’m familiar with, but he manages to get through this scene, with relative ease. While the two don’t have amazing chemistry, they manage to salvage things towards the end of the film, with an interesting rush to the finish line. The music is not bad, the set is similar to the previous scene, and the sex is more than basic. It’s not a bad scene, mind you, it’s just kind of generic when compared to what you just saw with Aria and two men. If you’re already a fan of Nina Ferrari, then you will like this, otherwise you will find this to be somewhat forgettable to be honest.

Ron Jeremy, despite being the prosecutor is getting some action in this sequence. It’s Paris and Ron Jeremy in a scene that will either entice you or will disgust you. I say that because I know people that don’t like to watch fat Ron, but rather prefer his younger years of work. I mean, yes, I reviewed “Ball In The Family” where he is much thinner, and overall a better performer, but here is pulling double duty. He is acting, and he is doing his thing with Paris. That being said, it’s a scene that has all of the basic elements of Ron Jeremy’s latter year performances. What does that mean? Well, if you’re a fan, you know that he is fat, and because of that, he has to literally hold his penis to move it into position and then shove it into holes. I know, this all sounds crass, but if you see this movie then you know the moves. He holds the base and just works it, never really showing that it’s fully erect, which is always an oddity for me to watch. Jeremy goes through the scene, but he doesn’t have a lot of chemistry with Paris, and she’s a trooper for going through this one. It’s a manageable scene if you’re a fan of Ron, otherwise, you may not want to watch this one. It’s not extreme, it’s just Ron not in his prime, so to speak.

We are back in the courtroom with a final argument, and then treated to the grand finale scene. This features Houston and Joel Lawrence. Houston does anal here, and Lawrence is a kind lover, not going too hard, and just moving forward through the motions with Houston. That being said, this is a sterile scene that is very much “business”. That’s not a bad thing, mind you, but you can tell from the performance that the two didn’t have nearly as much chemistry as you’d think, and Houston as this point was going through the motions of getting a paycheck. That doesn’t make a terrible scene, as she certainly moans, and moves through the motions, but with a facial and finale that is just somewhat mechanical, you start to rethink this movie’s star. However, Houston has some amazing eyes, so perhaps I got lost in the moment. This final scene wasn’t terrible, but it certainly wasn’t grand.

After the last sex scene, the jury is seen arguing back and forth about the case. There are men and women that just don’t agree, and they keep trying to come up with a decision. Much like a real court, they are sequestered and they argue back and forth. I’m not sure how many people stuck around to see this finale, since it’s not sexual at all. Everyone keeps their clothes on, and nothing happens here that is “sexy” in tone. However, if you want to see the verdict of “America The Beautiful”, then by all means stick around. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say that Houston made more movies after this one. If you stick to the credits, you can see all of the people that worked on this movie. I guess that’s kind of cool. I don’t know why I watched the credits, but I did. Maybe because I’m an idiot.

I give “America The Beautiful” a 2 out of 5.

There was only one major scene that I wanted to watch again after reviewing this. Aria’s scene was well worth it, other than that, the story driven option and first amendment element was not half bad. I liked it.

You can purchase “America The Beautiful” via your local adult book store, I’m sure, or online.

Did you see “America The Beautiful”? If so, drop me a line in the comments below.

Johnny Wadd (1971) Review

Unofficial Poster for the 1971 Release of Johnny Wadd (1971)

So here we go, back to the 1970s. I got my grubby hands on a VCA VHS tape copy of “Johnny Wadd” from 1971. This movie is awful on VHS because it has mono sound, and it has a lot of grainy elements. But that’s a good thing for this site, because this movie was first premiered in theaters. For those few people that remember what porno movie theaters were like, such as the Pussy Cat Theater, than you know what it looks like to see a full picture with grain and pops. This is filmed on full scale cameras, not video cameras, and there’s a lot of technique to the non-sexual components. In fact, you would swear that this was a normal 1970s production, albeit somewhat low budget, but still. The editing, the acting, the movement of the camera, the pops, and more look like a real movie, not a porno. “Johnny Wadd” was originally filmed in 1971 and it starts a young, clean shaven John Holmes. I love reviewing the golden era of porn because there is a lot of plot and cinema focus on it. This is not just a gonzo production, and it shows from the opening to the ending.

You know a movie is not gonzo because it takes time to set things into motion. Sex is there, but it’s not the main focus, a story drives the rest of the movie, and that’s what you get with “Johnny Wadd”. Holmes is not a great actor, mind you. However, he helps set this up nicely as you’d expect out of this series. Wadd is a detective, and he is on the case here, and of course he’s going to have sex with his client and those he finds. That being said, it takes some time to get to the sex in this movie, so if you’re impatient, you’re going to be fast forwarding things. If not, then strap in for a cool rid. I said Holmes was clean shaven, but during the sex scenes, the lighting on his face shows that he has trimmed facial hair.

The starting sex scene after about 10 minutes of set up features Andy Bellamy and John Holmes. Since this is the 1970s, you can expect hair everywhere. The musical score is a funky sound, with a 1970s element that is undeniable. Other than that, the sex here is somewhat impressive. I mean, impressive that Holmes goes all in at times here, and there are modern elements of sex that you only see in gonzo and new videos, not the 1970s. I was definitely impressed by this one, and Bellamy has a “girl next door” look to her. Her brunette hair and looks really are something that makes this an interesting scene. However, as I’ve said in the past, Holmes seems to be concentrating a lot, and not really enjoying this, but rather just trying to stay hard. Bellamy moans a bit, but she too doesn’t have a lot of chemistry with Holmes, even though she does give him a mediocre blow job. As you may expect, there are no condoms here, just hair, and full sex. This scene sets you up for an experience into the golden era that is funny at times, and kind of sexy at other times. It’s more of a historical movie than a heated one, at least when looking at scene number one.

The next sequence is an interview with Wadd and Sandy Dempsey, which leads immediately to sex. This is a porno after all. I couldn’t help but notice Dempsey’s rib cage was showing, as she is a very thin woman, with skinny arms, and a natural look that is quite appealing. All natural folks, so if you don’t like hair, you’re going to dislike this movie, and this scene specifically, because there’s nothing shaved at all. Sandy is a good looking older woman, but Wadd’s performance here once again leaves something to be desired. Wadd doesn’t last too long, and while Dempsey seems to enjoy herself, this thing ends abruptly with Holmes just letting it all out. Demspey has a tattoo on her right thigh, which is a rarity for porno movies of the time.

As with all movies from the Wadd series, the movie goes into story mode. Wadd is again talking to another woman, this time trying to get to the bottom of the case, one that I don’t even remember, and I’m reviewing this movie. The credits say “Mature Blonde” is the actress in this scene, and her hairstyle screams 1950s era. Imagine the standard “stay at home” mom from the 1950s and you kind of get what her hair is like, and well you know what was going to go down here, more sex. This lady is a lot older than Holmes, like way older, and the camera stays far away from close ups here, and it’s most likely because the woman is in fact older. This is a very mature lady, and while this is mostly a masturbation scene, it’s just an odd mix here. If you like older women, like way older, than maybe this is a good one for ya, for me, it just seems odd. I don’t mean to be ageist, but it just seems out of place here. It’s just a masturbation scene, so it isn’t too complex.

We get another cleanser, this time Wadd chasing the bad guys on what appears to be Santa Monica beach. I am not sure where this movie was filmed, but I used to live in Santa Monica so this looks a lot like it. Wadd gets his man, and beats him up, in what is the most comical fight scene I’ve seen in a long time. I kid you not, this was just laughable. Holmes can’t fight, the actor with him can’t fight, and the camera stays far away from the action. Wadd gets nearly killed here, but a woman saves him, and he delivers a few fake punches, and that’s it. This is hilarious! Man, this gets a few extra points because it’s the worst fight scene I’ve ever watched in my life. Kudos to the film makers here though, I laughed.

Gerard Broulard is credited with the fighting and Patti Lee is credited with being the woman that saves Holmes from getting killed. Of course, that leads to a sex scene, but before Holmes gets in on the action, Broulard gets with Patti Lee first. This is a basic scene with your standard blow job, missionary, and doggy style. This is not that sexy, but the music is kind of entertaining. The bad set, bad lighting, and simplified sex is just odd. Gerard leaves his sunglasses on, so cool for him, but this is just kind of boring. These actors do not have a lot of chemistry together, and the sex is just, well, bland. It looks like Gerard even loses his erection at one point, and the camera edits out a few of the moments, and cuts the scene as there’s obvious control problems here. Eventually the camera zooms in and you get to see full close ups as per usual. This scene is laughable to me, but hey, it is serviceable for what it is.

At the end of the show Patti Lee blows Holmes for the ending, and that’s it. Johnny Wadd gets his woman, and man, I don’t know. I lost track of the story midway through that laughable fight scene. Lee seems more interested in Holmes here than she did with Broulard, so the passionate blow job ends the movie and allows you to go away satisfied, or somewhat interested in seeing more from Wadd’s series. Or maybe not, I don’t know.

I give “Johnny Wadd” a 3 out of 5.

This wasn’t that good. Wadd’s performance wasn’t great. The director was good, the lighting effects, and sequencing is good, but Holmes isn’t a great actor. It’s interesting to go back and see these movies because they are shot on film, and a lot of effort went into making them. It’s a far cry from the video days that porn became and has become. This is a cool history piece, but far from being a hot movie.

You can purchase “Johnny Wadd” movies by clicking here.

Did you see “Johnny Wadd”? If so, drop me a line in the comments below.

Love Letters (1991) Review

Love Letters - 1991 - DVD Cover 

Ah, the year was 1991, and I didn’t even know what pornography was until much later. I believe it was a few years later that I first discovered a box of porno magazines thrown out into a dumpster. I also found my first Mad Magazine book. I got in trouble at school for bringing it, then got in trouble for bringing a Playboy magazine, which someone ratted me out for. The magazine wasn’t even that bad, but hey, it was a religious school and people got mad. I didn’t even show it to anyone. It was just in my backpack, and when I told my idiot friends that I had it, they told someone else and then that got back to a teacher. It was stupid, but hey, it was bound to happen. I never found porn in the garbage again. Now I’m an adult and see a lot of different crap, so that’s that.

“Love Letters” came out in 1991. It has a small story, but overall, it’s a gonzo type porno from the 1990s. It has been shot on video cameras, and not film, and it shows from the start. You’re going to find that the production values are a little lower than some of the other movies that I’ve reviewed thus far, but that doesn’t mean that this is all an amateur production. The lighting, the camera work, and even the music isn’t half bad. There are a few set pieces that are also great here. The sets are done up well, and it doesn’t feel like a “studio”. I found that part to be interesting, overall. While I doubt that this movie had a lot of money for the budget, the work here is done well, even if the action starts off with an outlandish premise. Paul Thomas helms the direction here, and once again does a pretty good job. This was released by Vivid Video, so that’s why the production takes a better tone. “Love Letters” stars Blake Palmer, Ernest Hemmingway, Taylor Wane, Heather Hart, Hyapatia Lee, Jamie Summes, and Wayne Summers.

The first scene here starts around 5 minutes into the movie, and it features Hyapatia Lee and Wayne Summers. Summers is an “every guy” looking dude. Lee is a famous porn star, and she has flowing, curly black hair, and a tanned, toned body. She’s all natural here folks, and it’s kind of odd that Wayne Summers got this role, but hey, I don’t know what casting people thought in the 1990s when they were getting men for these roles. It’s probably the result of him being a veteran and being able to get it up, right? Whatever, Summers makes you believe that anyone can get into this type of business. Lee is very methodical, and sensual here. If you like all natural women, meaning hair, then you’ll love her. I do think she has breast implants, but what I meant by natural was that she has pubic hair. Sorry. This is a slow moving, easy to watch scene, and it’s not that heated, but it’s serviceable if you like Lee.

After the initial sex, you see Wayne Summers writing a love letter, and that bridges the story line, forward. This leads to other sequences of sex, as memories and letters melt into passionate love making. Ok, it’s not that sensual, but the transitions are definitely “focused” and plot driven. The sets are recycled, however, at times.

The next scene features Hyapatia Lee and Ernest Hemmingway, no not the writer, just a dude that has the name. This is another passionate scene, that is edited swiftly. You get the two having sex, and Lee doing her best to look like she’s into it. Hemmingway isn’t half bad here, but the two have little chemistry for the most part. Yes, they are into it a little, but Hemmingway is way hairy, and just kind of goes through the concentrated motions. He seems to be concentrating more than actually enjoying it, while the jungle background setting distracts. I kept focusing on the backyard of this house than the actual sex, which is bad, I’m sure. The music was ok, Hemmingway rims Lee, and well, this is an ok scene I guess. If you’re a Hypatia Lee fan, then you may love this, I thought it was mildly boring.

Wayne Summers is back, with a new scene as Hyapatia Lee reads a love letter. Summers is apparently paying an escort or a sugar baby some money and wants to move forward with a cheap hotel room romp. This leads to another mechanical sex scene, although there is a little more chemistry between the performers here. Taylor Wane is a new girl I’ve yet to see a lot of, but I’m sure will appear in other movies. She is natural as well, her blonde hair shoulder length, wearing white boots and lingerie, she isn’t shaved, and is a nice contrast to the other performers in this movie. The two begin with masturbation and then move onto more and more, as you would expect. The director gives you a very “voyeuristic” film approach, as he zooms out so that you can see that this is not a hotel room, but rather a very shabby set, which is funny to me. This scene is essentially Wayne Summers rushing to the finish line, and for whatever reason the director focuses on his face instead of a money shot. Taylor Wane doesn’t get topless here, and she doesn’t even take off her panties, so this scene is a rushed, sexual encounter and seems to have been edited more for cable television than XXX video, but there’s something kind of nice about it. I can’t put my finger on it. It’s not great.

Moving ahead, Hyapatia Lee and Jamie Summers have some fun together. Lee puts down a letter she was reading and the two start to romantically kiss, and move forward to the lesbian portion of this movie. The two women take things to the kitchen, then the bedroom, and they seem to be really into it at times. There is a “porno” chiq to this scene, and something that I’m sure you’ll notice in major productions where two women are going at it. It’s an interesting change, considering this is the only major female on female sequence in this movie. It’s not bad, the music is ok, and the camera work, lighting, and sound all work together, but it’s a bit “fake” in some spots, and you’ll know it. If I had to say something of this is my favorite, it’s the kissing. The two kiss passionately, and that to me is actually quote sexy. Just normal kissing, nothing crazy, I don’t know, it’s just something that I like. Kissing is awesome.

VHS Screen Grab of The Final Scene...This Is A Real Screen Grab!

Wayne Summers is up next, reading a letter, eating pizza and drinking beer. Then that moves to him and Blake Palmer playing chess while Heather Hart watches. At one point Heather Hart gets tired of seeing these two idiots playing chess, and takes off her top, then her pants, and the two stop their game of chess and get a taste of what Hart has to offer. She’s all natural, with a little lipstick, and blush, real breasts, and hair that is straight out of the late 1980s, hairspray and teased. She dances for the men, and they certainly can’t get back to the game that they were playing, leading to a jazzy musical score, and a threesome that finishes off the movie with the longest sex scene thus far. As for the actual sex, it’s slow, and kind of dull. Hart is mechanical here, and the camera is near blurry at times, getting very close to the action, while Hart pretends to be into it. The set here is modern, though, but the overall sexual elements between the three are kind of dull. Plus, Wayne Summers at one point uses just 1 finger in his attempts to please Hart, and you know that’s not a good thing. The two men go on to have their way with Hart, with her heels on, and I couldn’t have been more bored. These two average joes are lucky to have this job. It’s a functional scene, but perhaps one of the most boring that I’ve seen, with little to no major chemistry throughout. Hart saves the scene, though, she’s pretty, and seems to get into it midway through the sequence. No DP, just money shots and masturbation to finish it off. After this Wayne and Lee end the movie kissing and hugging as they meet up, and that’s it, fade to black, and end of movie.

I Give "Love Letters" a 2 out of 5.

This was a boring movie with a thin plot, and somewhat boring sex scenes. There is not a lot of chemistry between the actors, and while I appreciated the sets, lighting, and Lee’s natural look, it’s not a hot movie at all. It’s functional as a porno, don’t get me wrong, but it lacks luster all around. If you’re really hard up, you can get this one and enjoy it, otherwise, you may want to look for another Hyapatia Lee movie. I’m sure there are some good ones out there.

You can buy “Love Letters” via various outlets, I found myself a VHS copy. It was cheap at a yard sale.

Did you see “Love Letters”? Drop me a line below if you have.

Emperor (2006) Review

Emperor (2006) Box Cover VIA Adult DVD Empire Online

Today we are going to be venturing 20 years into the future of dirty movies. After a brief stay in the 1980s, we are headed into a more modern arena. One area that started to change amidst cable porn providers. I recall in the Los Angeles area, the “Hot Network” started to show movies in which you saw penetration for a few seconds, and even money shots, but there was still a lot of bumping and grinding. If I recall correctly, Ron Jeremy noted in his book that some scenes would be done three or four times, for different releases to video stores, states, cable, and more. But was that 2006? I don’t know. “Emperor” was one of those movies that started to get shown around cable in an NC-17 or even X rating, but not necessarily XXX. I know that sounds confusing, but hey, that’s what I recall.

“Emperor” features a “who’s who” list of adult actors from the modern era. This film by Paul Thomas was nominated for several awards by the XRCO in 2006. That included nominations for best actor, best release, and most outrageous DVD extras. There are 10 scenes in this one, and the stars of this movie include Janine, Rocco Siffredi, Tawny Roberts, Tera Bond, Alberto Rey, Mya Diamond, Sophie Angel, Christina Bella, Dasha, Paul Thomas, Frank Gun, and Leslie Taylor. These are all modern actors in adult film, and you may know some of them, while others may leave you scratching your head. The most famous of these of course is Janine, Rocco, and Manuel Ferrara. Those names are going to be repeated in a lot of movies that will no doubt get reviewed throughout this site.

This movie is one of those Paul Thomas movies where he tries to create story more than sex, and while there’s definitely sex here, there’s story that is both visual, and intellectual at times. It’s really a shame that these types of movies aren’t shown on the big screen, because Jack Cole’s writing and Paul Thomas’s direction are quite strong for what this is. There’s a lot of great edits, lots of great moments, including the opening baptismal scene. It’s equally creepy, and somewhat death defying, in a cult way. From that opening we are sent to Budapest to a porn theater, and you get the information of what the movie is all about. Rocco plays a porn director that seems to have lost his edge, and while he’s in Budapest, he’s trying to figure out his past’s greatness, with something new, something that will rebirth him, which is a nice juxtaposition of the opening baptismal sequence. In case you were wondering, this is not a gonzo movie, because the setup is story driven, and there’s a lot to this movie, including dialogue, good editing, and musical elements that are very much focused on telling a narrative, not just sex. It’s a throwback to the 1970s and 1980s where story mattered as much as the sex. However, as some reviewers note, the “sex” takes a backseat at times during this production, because Paul Thomas’ direction focuses on story more often than not.

Before getting into the sex, there’s some mediocre CG where Rocco talks to himself in the mirror, and that leads you to the opening scene, where Janine and Rocco finally get together. Now, from what I’ve read online, Rocco kept trying to take his condom off, and he even cut holes in the tips of the condom so that they would break. Janine apparently hated working with Rocco, but if you watch this movie, it doesn’t seem that way, as the two seem to really go forward with a steamy scene, and should please both fans of Janine and fans of Rocco. However, if you’re a fan of Janine, you’re most likely dying because she’s doing a guy, as this was part of her return to the world of porn, and starting to work with men. Although, it’s odd to think that the two didn’t have a lot of chemistry, because there are some very specific moments that would tell you otherwise, including Rocco rimming Janine, and then going in raw at one point. It’s an interesting sequence that leads to the two going forward with full sex. Janine rejects him at first, and then flashes back to the mirror, and away we go into the story of this film. Even though Rocco tries to go in raw, Janine pushes him away and swears she would never have sex with him.

The story moves on quickly, and honestly, it really does feel like a film, not a porno. The movement of the camera, the music, and the elements all point towards a more “sophisticated” approach to the film making process, as well as the sex. By the time you finally get some sex, you are treated to Tawny Roberts and Rocco, which is actually passionate a little. Tawny is a blonde that has a very unique “California” look. She reminds me of this high-end escort I once saw advertising on Twitter, and for all I know it’s her. The two get straight to business and while there are condoms used throughout this film, there are moments where you swear that Rocco started without it, but the editing switches over to show condoms. It’s a small issue but it’s one that is noticeable. This scene is hardcore, it is raw, it’s a standard Rocco scene to some, but there’s enough gusto to make this somewhat fun for the viewer, as the two have good on screen chemistry.

For fans of Janine and Rocco, here’s the famed scene that you probably have seen on a lot of tube sites. The tube sites edit it, and often do not have the full scene, which is quite lengthy and features a lot of movement. Even though Janine said that she didn’t like working with Rocco, the two were able to put on a show in an empty theater. I read online that this was shot at an old Pussy Cat Theater, and it was empty, of course. If you have ever fantasized about having sex in a movie theater, this is going to be your favorite scene. Rocco and Janine, despite any issues off set, were able to put on a very unique, and heavy handed scene. Whether Janine was acting or Rocco was upset, you can’t really tell as the two put on a show that features a lot of positions, a lot of powerful back and forth, and some stellar momentum at times. The scene ends with a masturbation sequence, but it goes through every motion that you’d expect from a sex scene.

Now going forward, Janine is featured again, this time with Manuel Ferrara. I like Manuel because he seems to have a certain passion to his performances, and this is no different. Even though you are going to be watching the two with condom use, you are going to notice that Janine is far more into this than she was with Rocco, which is saying a lot. The two scenes are quite good, but it’s here that Manuel is able to get Janine to squirt, and the water works are incredible. That’s a testament to how much chemistry the two have together. Manuel at one point picks up Janine and takes her to a taxi cab hood and goes to work. Janine legitimately looks like she’s having fun, and Manuel, always the professional goes to town here, and I’m utterly surprised that the condom didn’t break mid-way through this scene. I’d be surprised if the two didn’t see each other off set, because this scene is that hot, and the two have that much chemistry together. Imrpessive, if you ask me. This scene was spliced twice and edited oddly, with music that isn’t half bad, and while the money shot was good, there’s a little bit left to be desired in terms of editing and sequencing. But Janine is a powerful performer and Manuel does great with her. I’m telling you, these two seem to have had a lot of fun doing this scene, and I for one was impressed.

To juxtapose the scene, up next you get a three way with Tera Bond, Alberto Rey, Rocco Siffredi. After watching Janine perform with two different men, you would think that the next scene would’ve been quite good. It wasn’t that great, or rather isn’t that great. Tera Bond does well, Rey and Siffredi are good here, but it’s not that grand. It’s workable, but the story seems to get in the way of the sex, as Rocco has to break from just being a performer to play the character that is seeking a greater glory, and that throws you off. Otherwise, you are going to get a standard threesome, with Bond going to town on Rocco, and Alberto Rey just pumping away. Not bad, but definitely lacks that gusto that was within the other scenes with Janine, mind you. I thought there was going to be a DP sequence here, but there wasn’t. Again, I’m not sure how these condoms are staying on without breaking, but they seem to be working well. One note, Alberto wears his glasses throughout this scene, which is something I’ve never tried before, so maybe next time I’m with someone I’ll leave them on. The final moments of this scene feature an argument that ends up with Rocco apparently getting sodomized? At least that’s what it alludes to, even though you don’t see it.

The next scene is an orgy scene that features Black Diamond, Mya Diamond, Sophie Angel, Victoria Swinger, Lauro Giotto, Leslie Taylor, and Rocco Siffredi. This seems out of place. The film grain is gone, it seems to be recorded on a standard video camera, and it moves around a lot from performer to performer. It’s a standard orgy scene, with cool backgrounds, and just standard sexual moments. It just seems out of place if you ask me.

The story continues, with Rocco’s character screening movies, talking on the phone, and going out on a date with Sophie Angel, before heading to a bedroom to have sex with her. It’s important to note that the story takes a great deal of time to work through before the next sex scene, making this above standard. The film grain returns, and the camera and editing feature a focus that changes from the orgy scene back to a premium filter. Sophie Angel is another blonde and she works with Rocco quite well. This is a more passionate scene than the others, and once again there is condom use, so if you were expecting raw, you aren’t going to get it in this movie. Blue seems to be enjoying herself, and Rocco throws in a few romantic kisses amidst the sex, which is ok at best. This isn’t as hot of a scene as the Janine options, but Blue keeps her heels on, and the two have some chemistry. So it’s not a bad one, just not great if you ask me.

The next scene features Christina Bella, Victoria Swinger, Antonio Ross, Dominic Ross, Frank Gun, and Lauro Giotto. It’s here that you are seeing Rocco’s character as the director of a movie, working on set in a very meta moment. There’s sex here but it’s really a “behind the scenes” look at how porn is made more than anything. Rocco is playing director here, and he’s instructing his actors to get to work, and they go for it. It’s an ok scene, with standard moments of sex, but mostly just Rocco getting turned on by watching his crew get to work. In one of the more interesting notes, there is a condom blow job which is rare for porno movies, but that ends after some time. There’s a few moments here where one guy struggles to get his condom on, and it’s fascinating to see this in a major production. Condom use for blow jobs, and condom use for sex aren’t always found in porn, but here it’s all over, even a hand job with a condom on! Now that garners this a great deal of upside if you ask me. If you wanted to see any DP, this is where it happens, around 97 minutes into the scene, where the orgy takes on a whole new world. It should be noted that even though there was condom use, the money shot did not show that off, so I don’t know, this is a very odd scene with lots of changes throughout the sequencing.

The second to last sex scene is a lesbian affair between Dasha and Janine. These two push through a good scene together and you already know that Janine is an expert with these types of scenes. Your standard lesbian play works here, with lots of finger use, rimming, and more. This is a hard scene with a lot of masturbation, so if you’re not used to it, you may be surprised. However, this is a good scene with two women that seemed to really get off with one another, and the camera just happens to be there.

The grand finale features Dasha and Rocco. By this point you’ve seen nearly 2 hours of movie, and Rocco’s character goes to his hotel room to find Janine and Dasha getting it on. Janine leaves, and Dasha is left with Rocco. He goes through his standard moves, a hard scene, with a lot of powerful strokes, and no real romance at times. There are a few moments where he stops to enjoy a kiss here and there, but it’s mostly a sex romp in the porn sense, and that’s ok. It looks like he’s wearing two condoms here, as it’s very visible on screen, but I don’t know. The scene is a hard one, and Dasha seems to really get into it, and that’s good for the most part. Rocco knows what he’s doing and Dasha lets him get carried away while she moves positions with relative ease. The two share some great chemistry, and it’s a good ender to a long movie that features a lot of plot points rather than just gonzo sequencing.

The movie ends with dialogue. Janine confronting Rocco, and Rocco having a conversation with himself about his experiences and future. And that’s it. You then get about 10 minutes of behind the scenes filming, and direction from Paul Thomas. It’s kind of cool to get this scene at the end, but by this point you’re probably tired of watching this thing. It’s over 2 hours at the point that you get to the end and you are seeing the behind the scenes elements of Emperor.

I give “Emperor” a 5 out of 5.

That’s right, the first movie that I’m reviewing to get a 5. The reason is simple, it has film grain, a plot, and there’s a lot to offer the individual porn watcher. If you like hard sex it’s here, if you like blondes they are here, if you love Janine she’s here, and of course Rocco doing as good of an acting job as he can is here too. Paul Thomas creates a very unique, and interesting movie, that is sexy but also artsy at times. Sometimes that art gets in the way of the sex, but hey, that’s why this is a great one.

You can purchase “Emperor” on dvd in a variety of areas, and even the special edition one.

Did you see “Emperor”? Drop me a comment below.

California Blondes (1986) Review

California BLondes (1986) VHS Poster

Mark Curtis produced "California Blondes", and it was directed by Ron Jeremy in1986. I originally found this because I was looking into blonde porn stars, and ran into this movie. I have no clue why I ended up getting a copy after the fact, but now that I’m reviewing it, I definitely found ti have a little bit of charm. Ron Jeremy as director isn’t half bad, but of course, you can’t really judge this movie too much since it’s mostly a gonzo picture. There is a very light story, but the sex starts within 2 minutes of the credits starting. This is a 1986 gonzo picture if you ask me, but of course, there’s a little story thrown in for good measure. There are six total scenes, and this movie stars Briana Star, Scott Apollo, Nikki Night, Tony Montana, Blondi, Samantha Coy, Frank James, and Billy Dee. It’s an interesting throwback to the late 1980s porno scene, but you can tell that this was meant for VHS not the big screen, especially when things really start to get heavy around the 3-minute mark.

The starting line of this movie involves, you guessed it, a blonde talking to a guy. She immediately takes her shorts off, and then pulls out a ruler. I kid you not, she pulls out a ruler and measures the man flaccid. It’s not big, as you can guess, and then she puts her mouth on it, and then goes to town to make it bigger. From there, there’s a weird transition and boom, they started going at it on the kitchen table. The transition from blowjob to straight sex is a bit startling, but hey, it’s a porno right? Briana Star and Scott Apollo do an ok job here, with Scott trying to throw in a little romance as he speeds up and just goes to work. Star is into it for the most part, but the music is distracting and she keeps messing up his hair. Scott is supposed to be kissing and licking Star’s breasts, but there were several moments where he was just rubbing his face around them, and not kissing them or sucking on them. I found that to be funny, and as the scene progressed it was obvious that he was just in “work” mode, not offering kissing, or any romance along the way. Meanwhile, Star just plays the role, and does theatrics to make it interesting, but the chemistry is just not what you may hope for in a porno, which is fine, it’s an adult movie, right?

If you’re a fan of oily, sweaty sex, then you’ll love the next scene, which starts fast and furious. Story is thrown out the window, and the title is odd too. Why? Because Nikki Knight here has black hair, in a movie called “California Blondes”! That threw me off for a moment, but Tony Montana enjoying the two women basically compete to give him head was interesting, and Blondi shows that she’s truly bisexual here. The threesome put on a lot of oil and then go to town on Tony Montana, before he gets into both women, in a scene that has a lot of passion to it. There’s a lot of action here, from every position to Montana withholding cumming for some time, a magnum opus to the fun that porn stars can have. Good on him, I don’t know how he managed, in an age without Viagra. Dude went the distance for this scene, an applause for him, and if you’re turned on by passion ate threesomes, this one is for you, especially the double hand job, holy crap, I had to stop watching for a minute and take a cold shower, or else I wouldn’t be able to finish the review. It’s that good. Holy crap. I would have done this for free, Montana got paid, lucky bastard! This is the scene that makes this movie, by the way.

Frank James and Briana star move the story along and the only thing that was compelling here was the initial measuring of the penis. I’m not sure why Briana Star is measuring flaccid penises or starting blowjobs while her costars are flaccid, but it’s an interesting little note. Here, Frank James has extra foreskin, which is something that I like to see in my porno movies, and I won’t say why. Star here looks like Courtney Love, so if you’re a fan of Hole and like Love, then you may want to imagine this is what she looks like when she’s having sex with people. I kid you not. James sweats like there’s no tomorrow, but Star seems to be very into this scene, getting wet fast, and going to town with James to some terrible synth pop. The décor of the apartment that they are in is funny, especially the couch that looks like it has white leaves all over it. Perhaps the funniest of elements of this scene is midway through the sex where Samantha Coy walks in on the sex, and casually announces that she’s home, etc. Then leaves the apartment. The two actors don’t stop either, they just keep going with passion and fury. Another classic sequence, but I will knock down a few points due to editing. There’s jump cuts here, which I never understood in porn, but hey, that’s what the director wanted. James has a full bush, to Star’s blondish pubic hair, and the two seem to genuinely enjoy their scene. Another good one for this flick.

Tony Montana gets another shot in this movie, this time getting to work with Blondi. Blondi looks familiar, and I may have met her in my days in the business, but I can’t remember. In this scene, she seems to click with Montana, which was evident in the other scene that she’s in with him. In this one she goes nuts on her blow job, and Montana is once again treated like a king. Blondi’s bright eyes may make you fall in love with her, as she has these stunning eyes, to top off her technique of sucking Montana’s soul here. It’s a passionate, frenetic scene, that has terrible music, all done in the kitchen of the same set that Frank James and Briana Star had just contaminated with sweaty, fast paced sex.

Do you like moustaches? Well, Bill Dee is up next and he has one hell of a stache. This threw me off yet again, because Nikki Knight, as you know, doesn’t have blonde hair! What the hell, man? I guess I’m asking for too much based on a movie called “California Blondes”. Knight and Dee do ok, but there’s not the same intensity that Montana and Knight had in a previous scene. It’s not a bad scene, by any means, but it’s definitely not something that I’m going to stick out to me. I did like Knight’s makeup here, so perhaps that’s a saving grace. Dee is in full work mode, sweating up a storm and obviously trying to stop himself from cumming too soon, it’s obvious that he wants to bust several times here, and it’s funny to see the director pan from the sequence to edit what may have been a finish. What a hack job, right? Probably not.

The grand finale is an interesting one. Samantha Coy’s only scene in porno is up next, and it stars Scott Apollo and Billy Dee. Coy looks tentative in this scene, but her classic 1980s glam look immediately caught my attention. Her pale skin, red pubic hair, and bleached blonde hair sprayed hairdo really got me interested in seeing this one. However, it’s apparent that she was nervous, and though Apollo does well to oil her up and massage her into an easier movement forward, it’s obvious that she’s not long for the business. She gets it on with Apollo and Billy dee on a water bed of all places. Her skin has a lot of freckles, and her makeup is half-hazard, but it’s a throwback to the 1980s Hollywood Glam look so you may love her involvement. The sex is fine, but it’s apparent that she’s not that into it, while the guys are just trying to get through the scene. The music once again throws me off, and the water bed is the most intriguing of this whole scenario. Water beds were out by the time I was able to start having sex, so this is a fascinating turn for me, leaving me wondering about how sex was with the waves of water beds of yesteryear.

Ron Jeremy’s direction here is not half bad. His choices to zoom in and edit at times baffled me, but who am I to argue with the hedgehog? It’d be interested to discuss the movie with him, but I don’t have his contact information, nor do I know how much it would cost to get a sit-down interview with the guy. I’m broke, and I’m reviewing his flicks, so maybe someone can tell him to drop me a line. Or not. Ron Jeremy’s book didn’t highlight this production, as I recall, so maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal after all? This is not a great directorial spot for Jeremy, who doesn’t appear on camera, but hey, good for him, he’s a director too.

I give “California Blondes” a 3 out of 5.

It’s a gonzo release that kind of looks like it’s not going to go down that route, but it does. Historians may like that Samantha Coy only did one movie, otherwise this is a 2-scene flick, with an intriguing waterbed sequence at the end. I’m still wishing I could have had a shot with someone on a waterbed. This is not a great movie, but the threesome and any scene with Blondi is worth checking out.

You can find “California Blondes” on vhs and dvd somewhere online, and sometimes for cheap.

Did You See “California Blondes”? If so, drop me a line in the comments.